I hope you can give me some advice and/or guidance. My husband and I have three boys. Two of the three are autistic so we are attacked quite a bit. A month and a half ago our next door neighbor (who we had been great frienedly neighbors with for seven and a half years since we moved into this house) became angry with us over a babysitting issue with her daughter. She was supposed to shadow her daughter if anything happened and she didn't. So her daugther quit on us leaving us in the lurch. We never said anything to the neighbor though we were upset. About two weeks after that my husband found her dog running around our front yard and took it to her door. She began harassing my husband... telling him that she saw me leave our children home alone because she didn't see me get into my car with all three. She has no idea who is in my house with my children. She also told my husband she was going to call CPS. Then she proceeded to tell him that she is watching us and she is having our neighbors watch us. The next day my husband went outside to move his truck around to our back yard to vcacuum it. When he drove it back front she started screaming at him that he was leaving our children home alone. A neighbor across the street came out of his house to get in his car and she said shouted "SEE I TOLD YOU THEY TAKE OFF AND LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN!!" My husband tried to explain to her what he had just done... she screamed back that she was calling the police and slammed into her house. The police came and told her and my husband (indivdually) there was nothing he could do. He also advised my husband to file a antiharrassment report. Three days later CPS shows up on my doorstep with not only the charge of abandonment but also two other charges. One was no booster seats in our car (we don't need them the children are over the age and height but this told us the neighbor was on our property and looing in our car) and the other was locks on our children's bedroom doors (this women has never been in my upstairs.) There are no locks on our children's bedroom doors. She knew that we knew she was calling us in on the one charge so she lied to CPS to bolster her case. Since that time I have had my other next door neighbor tell me that she approached her and told her we leave our children home alone.. and she made the same charge to our friend who went over there to return her powersander for us (the neighbor had come onto our property again and left a note on our car demanding it back). Then yesterday while I was getting out of my car she came out and started screaming at me demanding to know where my children were. She is harassing, has threatened, lied to CPS and is slandering us to our neighbors. She had made it so I cannot let my 9 year old out front to play... and I have to continuously park my car in our back alley in order to not be "spied on" every time I get in and out of it. She is angry over this incident with her daughter and she has become maliciouse and vindictive and is making it a nightmare to live in our house or come out of it. Also her calling the plice and CPS is a direct invasion of our privacy and our right to parent our children. Can you help me as to what you think I can do? Thank you so much!
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Hi, ourlittlefellas!

Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I just moved your question that you had posted in Introductions to this topic area so that it would get the most exposure to those who are best able to answer it. Introductions is for people to introduce themselves and we try to not ask questions there.

It can be a little confusing when first learning how to use this site! Your question will get noticed much more in this topic area.

We would appreciate it if you would return to Introductions sometime to tell us a little about yourself though, if you would be willing to do that.

Thanks!

Your best bet is to get an attorney and get a restraining order against her.

Hey Cough!

Thank you so much and sorry about that... I wasn't sure how to post it all was very confusing. I hope I can get responses I really need some advice on this.

ourlittlefellas

Did you or your husband file the report when the officer suggested it? I too would recommend getting an attorney and getting a restraining order. I'm glad that everything with CPS worked out but if this is still continuing I would suggest taking action sooner rather than later.

I got the paperwork. But when I went to get it at the court house, the clerk said that it had to be "ongoing" harassment. I couldn't understand that. Apparently the three days in a row back the end of September was not ongoing.. I guess they feel it needs to be months and months. I felt pretty defeated at that time. But now that she pulled it again this past week I am thinking that might constitute ongoing. But the one thing they told me about filing the charge of anti-harassment is that she can still call the police and report us to CPS at her whim. It only prevents her from saying anything to us or going on our property. Well gosh, isn't calling the police and reporting false charges to CPS harassment?

The police and CPS calling is and isn't harassment. The thing is that every time they call it goes into a file after a while of investigating false claims she will either be ignored or charged. See by calling she isn't really harassing you it's them that she is bothering.

Technically as far as the law is concerned it probably isn't... though it should be. Her making false claims to CPS is actually a crime in Washington State and is punishable by jail and a 1000 fine. But we have to force CPS into court to reveal that the neighbor made the charge and that is hard to do. What really makes me mad with CPS is that they come out and see that she lied and they do nothing to her... even though they claim if malicious behaviour is evident they will investigate the reporter. But then again CPS is messed up all the way around. They investigate petty stupid things and do not investigate the really serious issues that cause children to lose their lives.

First take very seriously the CPS at your door, they are not your friend, they will lie to you and then come get the kids the next.
If they ever, ever come to your door, call an attorney then,
Get an attorney invovled in this right away.

Right, if they come to your house you can ask to see the warrant. If they don't have one the don't let them in. Get a lawyer and document that they came you can build a very strong case but attorneys are helpful in doing this.

Her daughter was in your house babysitting your kids, that is probably how she found out everything she claims to know, and she has it in for you since you are no longer employing her daughter. You don't say how old this woman is, she sounds menopausal to me. Probably the neighbors think about as much of her as you do, but if she continues to harrass you I would definitely get an attorney to contact her with a cease and desist type of action!

You could be right... though I think she is like only in her early 40's. No actually I am pretty sure she never came over the whole time the daughter was babysitting. The daughter did a pretty good job and handled it really well up until that night and that is only because my husband was running so late that it got dark. I hope you are right about the neighbors. I am going to talk to the one across the street, the guy who she screamed at that day and see if he would give a written statement in case we need one... he may not want to get involved which I understand but hope he will. Yes well if we don't do anything she will continue I am sure of that. She is a nosey gossip buttinski who needs to be taught a lesson and mind her own business. That is great advice thanks!

I always get mixed advice about CPS... some say what you two have said and others say let them in or it will be worse because you will make them suspicious. But after what I read on fightcps.com about a girl who had CPS lie about her and she took it to the GOVERNORS office in Virginia I am thinking you are right. Though there have been cases where the police actually lied along with CPS. It is outrageous that this sort of thing could happen!

Something you may not have thought of that might put a lot of this junk to rest.

1) even though she is below 40 doesn't mean she is not experiencing the onset of menopause ( the condition called perry menopause )

2) why not install a wireless security cam in front and back of your house that way if she sets foot or does anything you will know for sure.

3) look up the " stalking " laws in your state. They may provide some relief for you as well as have more teeth to them.

If this continues and if after you filed what is needed in court, why not sue her for harassment in court? Get your neighbors to be your witnesses and get a notebook to keep a journal of everything she does and say to you. Make sure to write the time and date and evey interaction with her and everything she saids to your family.

I sued a former friend of mines for filing false statements to CPS and won. But in my case it was easy to prove that she did it because she was going around telling everyone like she won the lottery.

This neighbor of yours must not have a life so is trying to make your miserable but misery loves company.

Thanks both these replies are great! I thought about the security camera... but she already came onto the property so I think she is not going to go and do that again. She got her lies in on that to CPS and I have to say I NEVER would have thought she would go to those lengths of charging us with no booster seats. But even that pales to accusing us of having locks on our children's bedroom doors... to basically say we lock them in their rooms so they should be taken away from us.

WOW I have not heard of anyone being able to take a CPS false accuser to court and winning!! THIS IS GREAT!! I have not had TWO false accusers and they both got away with it from CPS because even though CPS realized it was lies they still would not investigate either the ex friend or now the neighbor. These people are always protected by CPS and it takes an act of GOD to get CPS to court and force them to reveal these peoples names. It is criminal across the board.. from the accuser to CPS to the legal system they are all in bed with each other. Meanwhile millions of innocent families like us are destroyed every year. But my neighbor did tell my husband that she was going to call and she did ask the friend who took her power sander back for us (right before she told our friend to F-off) if she had heard from CPS (I have no idea why she said that it makes no sense) and our friend said no, have you?? So maybe her mentioning CPS to our friend would hold up in court I don't know. I just want justice to be served to her and for her to back off. Any other advice would be really appreciated.

Thanks both these replies are great! I thought about the security camera... but she already came onto the property so I think she is not going to go and do that again. She got her lies in on that to CPS and I have to say I NEVER would have thought she would go to those lengths of charging us with no booster seats. But even that pales to accusing us of having locks on our children's bedroom doors... to basically say we lock them in their rooms so they should be taken away from us.

WOW I have not heard of anyone being able to take a CPS false accuser to court and winning!! THIS IS GREAT!! I have now had TWO false accusers and they both got away with it from CPS because even though CPS realized it was lies they still would not investigate either the ex friend or now the neighbor. These people are always protected by CPS and it takes an act of GOD to get CPS to court and force them to reveal these peoples names. It is criminal across the board.. from the accuser to CPS to the legal system they are all in bed with each other. Meanwhile millions of innocent families like us are destroyed every year. But my neighbor did tell my husband that she was going to call CPS and she did ask the friend who took her power sander back for us (right before she told our friend to F-off) if she had heard from CPS (I have no idea why she said that it makes no sense) and our friend said no, have you?? So maybe her mentioning CPS to our friend would hold up in court I don't know. I just want justice to be served to her and for her to back off. Any other advice would be really appreciated. Oh and we have an appointment to see a lawyer on Monday. I just hope it won't bankrupt us to get her taken care of. It is really disgusting how we have to go into debt to protect ourselves from her.

You have several autistic children, I think that is a lot for you to bear without having to deal with nosy interfering neighbors on top of it. But you usually can't get pain and suffering for that unless you have some kind of monetary loss too, like she actually breaks in your house. Busybodies usually unfortunately think they are doing you a favor, can't really get insight into how their gossip or tattletales can affect you emotionally, or else she is just sadistic and enjoys doing this sort of thing. Could she be bipolar, or have a drinking problem? One of my friends does a lot of stuff like this after she has been drinking, then later denies that she said or did that. Or you can just document like you have said, and after enough time of her "crying wolf" her credibility will be zero. It really sounds to me like they are trying to get back at you because you are no longer paying them to watch your kids though.

I can see why you would ask the bipolar and drinking question. But no I don't think she bipolar or a drinker. What she is is a really bad gossip and we knew that about her before all of this happened, when we were friendly neighbors because she has talked to us about others in the past like her suspicions about the gal across the street who has a daycare. She thinks she is running it illegally.. I have no idea why she thinks that but that is all part of her nosey suspicious mind I guess. You are so right on about our lives being so difficult with autistic children. It is a struggle everyday just to keep my head above water so this sort of thing just shoves me under further. No we never had intended to get any monetary value out of this... and hopefully it will not cost us more then 5 or 6 hundred to get it taken care of... we don't even have that but it's like, what do you do? You can't go on living under this circumstance. My neighbor on the other side told me that she told her not only do we leave our children but that I lock our oldest child (he is 9) outside and do not let him back into the house. I do keep the front door locked because I am in the back of the house and I also have a severely autistic 7 year old and a toddler who would get out the front door if I don't keep it locked. My 9 year old is supposed to go out the back door which I don't keep locked (it has a spinny knob) and he knows he is supposed to go back in the house through the back door not the front. If I hear him knock on the front door I will let him in, then I reprimend him that he is not supposed to go out or come in that front door. But he forgets allot. I mean we have lived next door to her for almost 8 years and she has never said anything about any of this stuff and our lives and these things have not changed in 8 years! Yes she is just plain ticked off about her daughter and it is not that we didn't want the child to babysit we still did! It was the child who decided she did not want too! We did everything to get her to stay including triple apologizing, and double compensating her money wise because we felt so bad! That is what makes this all an outrage. The neighbor was irresponsible, she did not come over here when her daughter was upset. The deal was if anything were to happen she would come over here and help out her daughter and she didn't. And now she is going to town trying to turn the tables on us and make us look like irresponsible parents who need to have their children taken away from them.

I wanted to follow-up with everyone who was so kind and caring to respond to my posting. Also for anyone out there who might have any other advice it is greatly appreciated. We went and saw a lawyer yesterday and he was really very nice and very professional.. I have heard that is not always the case with lawyers. He said that there is not much we can do about CPS. They have the right to investigate every claim they get... even when the claims are false. I understand that... but our complaint as far as they are concerned is that they don't investigate the accuser after they know the charge was false! I liken it to a vindictive women who lies and accuses a man of rape when he didn't . After he has to spend thousands to get lawyers and go to court to prove his innocence (if he is lucky) even when they determine he is innocent it has cost him everything including his reputation and the accuser is never charged! That is how we feel. This lawyer said that her harassment though valid harassment would probably have to be more ongoing to get a judge to actually take the case on a antiharassment suite. That would be if we filed it and went to court ourselves or used a lawyer which would be bucks. He did give us two options though and I wanted to know what anyone thinks about this. The first is to have him send her a ltter telling her to back off and if she does not we will sue her. The second would be to just take her to court and sue her for monetary damages for the harassment, the threat to my husband and the slander/defamation that she is causing by going to all our neighbors and telling them that we leave our children and lock them outside of the house etc. Because this has caused me so much anguish and has effcted my mental and physical state we could actually sue her for that. However... in allot of cases people who do win don't win very much. That makes no sense to me... why would a court rule in favor of the victim and not force the perpatrator to pay? Or we can start with the leter and see how she reacts and if she does not back off we can go forward with the lawsuit. Problem is that lawsuit is going to start at about 5000 and go up and up from there and we don't have the money. We are a family of five on a very very very low income struggling to keep our heads above water. It is really expensive to live in this state and the area we live in... one of the reasons I want to move out of here along now with the hell we are having to endure. If anyone has any advive on how we should handle this and anyone knows of anyone in our situation who took any of the above actions please please reply I really need some advice from the ourside world! Thank you so much!!

What they are trying to state is you can run up years of attorney fees trying to sue her, even if you win and prove your case, this neighbor is not going to be worth much and than you are looking at $35,000.00 of attorney's fees and they are the only ones who win in a case like this. A demand letter - writing and threatening to sue, might get you somewhere but only if you are willing to sue and she may choose to fight in which case you have to decide if you are willing to follow through with your demand if she doesn't comply.

I've merged the two threads sine it would help to see the whole story.

I would defintiely get the lawyer to send a letter. I would make it stop or I'll sue, I would make it stop or we'll take appropriate steps.

But I don't think a suit would get you very far. Assuming you do win, that's only half the battle, collecting is another issue.

But Scott, that puts me in no win situation and it once again gives her the upper hand. If I threaten her with a letter and she refuses it will cost us 1000's we don't have and if the courts do side with us she can still come out not having to pay a dime. The lawyer told us that he has known of these cases to go to court... the plaintiff spends thousands and all they got back in monetary damages was 1.00. These is where I am pulling my hair out because we have to be financially prepared to follow up on our threat to her to back off or we will sue. This is a nightmare for us right now... it has become so bad I don't even think I can wait to sell this house this summer I am going to have to pack up my children and go east without my husband.

That's my point. If you threaten suit and you don't follow through, you look like a wimp. But if you threaten "appropriate legal action", well that can be anything.

I think I understand Scott. My brain is in such a fog right now. Are you saying don't take her to court, either using a lawyer to go after her for the harassment and slander... or just file the antiharassment papers ourselves and hope the court will take it (basically throw it against the wall and hope it sticks). But there is also the chance in both cases that she could come back and turn the tables on us. Try to counter sue. This is the problem with people like her. They are so mad that they will do anything and everything they can to keep the upperhand and be in control. I mean it is terrifying!! What do you tink we should say in a letter that would be good enough to stop her in her tracks from both continuing what she is doing to us and also keeping her from taking us to court? I really value your opinion and advice!

I would leave that up to the attorney other than to not specifically threaten a suit.

It shouldn't cost too much to have an attorney draw up the demand letter and you can threaten action without indicating but not requiring you to take action in court. A letter written by an attorney will have a lot more weight and authority.

Yes but be careful, threatening to sue when you don't intend to actually do just that could be construed as harassment of her though. And you sound like a really really nice person, I really feel bad for you and the family. You are right about AskMe Help Desk, there are a lot of really really great folks here, and it does help to get others' opinions and advice when you feel bad, you don't feel so alone that way!

Wow... the lawyer never mentiond that sending a warning letter and not following through with a lawsuit was harassment. As you said I guess she could construe it that way... but are the odds good that she would? She has taken action against us in every manner. She called the police without finding out what was going on. She called CPS and lied to them to get them to come out here. She is telling everyone she can (not just the neighbors she sees out side now mind you but she has literally invited herself into their homes) that we leave our children alone and lock them outside, and last week on the 5th she started attacking me in my carport for getting out of my car and not having my children because I moved my car from the front of my house to the back of my house to avoid having to run into her so I could take them to the post office. I try to avoid her and it doesn't even work. All of this is based solely on the incident with her daughter as our babysitter and nothing happened to her daughter other then she got spooked or scared and had a melt down. And the neighbor never came over here to help her daughter out and that was the agreement we had. So she was an irresponsible parent and now she is doing everything she can to make us look just that. If she had stopped with just calling the police on my husband and making wild accustations then we could have handled that... but she has pushed it over the line when she filed false charges with CPS (and her sole intent was to get our children taken away from us and anyone who thinks that a false charge means nothing and cannot do just that needs to go onto fightcps.com and read about all the families who have lost their children to false charges... that is right, you do not want CPS coming to your house ever for anything)... and as far as that goes this is not the first time we have had a vindictive person who had an axe to grinde with us report us to CPS for false charges so you can see why we are so angry! Yes we are forced now to move and will be putting our house up for sale this spring... but does that render the situation completely? She has us under her thumb... she is controlling us and it is making our lives a living hell.

It is not harassment, like we said a good attorney will draw up a demand letter, indicating legal action, not specifying to the point you are obligated to sue. The letter if phrased well should be enough to quiet her down.