Hey everyone. I have had a couple of rough days. My bofriend moved out last night because he says he can't take the bull anymore. He says he isn't coming back until my best friend leaves, He says she is nothing but a drama starter and she don't even have a job. Its really hard for me to decide because I love my Best friend so much she has been there for me thick through thin. Jamie my boyfriend I love him too and I am really looking forward to starting my life with him. He is my everything and I would be willing to risk it all just for him. I just don't know what to do I don't want my best friend to think I HATE HER because I don't. I just need to work on my future with my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him. I also don't want to lose my best friend. Someone help me!

What an unfair and selfish thing to say to you!

This is the start of Controlling
Its only in his view that she is all this. And even if she was. He can't tell you.. who or who you can not be friends with!

Tell him that. No one tells me who I can and can't be friends with.
I love you
But if you loved me you would also respect me and the friends I want to have around me.

Failing that. Leave him

Ill come back if you stop seeing your friend
What is he 12??
Tell him to stop being a Drama queen and sulking till he gets his way

Pff!

Talk to your best friend and let her know what the deal is, and tell her you don't know what to do.

Putting someone else between you and your b/f can lead to a lot of problems. Your relationship already has enough stress on it, you don't need this. How long has your friend been there already?

I've always felt that no one should ever make me chose. And also I've come to believe "My friends come first, that's the bottom line"

They were there before the girl, they will be there after.

I agree with Rome. Partners run off, they cheat, they die... but family/friends are there forever!

I'd choose the girlfriend. Friends are gold. I agree this is a controlling move by your boyfriend. That kind of thing tends to get worse and eventually, you don't have any close friends or family for one reason or another and he has you all to himself (I've been there.)

That said, I have to admit that I recently told my boyfriend that he had to choose between me and a woman friend of his who was hostile to me and acted jealous of me even though she was married to someone else. She wouldn't let us have any time alone together, insisted on being with him every minute.

My boyfriend and I broke up--but for a lot of reasons, not just that. If your boyfriend is issuing ultimatums, it's probably over anyway.

You want a prime example of how things turn out if you chose your boyfriend. Go watch an episode of "The Hills" on MTV and see how unhappy umm... Heidi(I think) is.

** I understand if my man card is challenged for knowing about that show**

Your man card is indeed challenged... Please verify manhood

I have a 25 year old fiancée who watches the show and computer in same room as TV. You try telling a girl to be quiet when she says "watch this" or "can you believe she did that" I just accept the fate and make her watch football on sundays:-)

Right you are sir... there are something's in life that just are the way they are. I totally understand. Thanks to my ex I know every single episode of Sex in the City...

You said your friend doesn't have a job, so does your friend live with you rent free?

I thought of the same question as Zoe...

There is more to this story than just the boyfriend saying "Choose!" What made him leave? What does he mean by "drama starter?" What does is your friend doing to find herself a job?

Friends are always friends, guys come and go, yes, but we need to know more about this...

Is your boyfriend a drama-guy, too?

This guy is a control freak, I read her other posts and he won't let her go out alone and gets angry about it, yet he does the same thing. He is getting worse. Put your foot down now, or his respect for you is gone.

Maybe he's a control freak, but I think I would get tired of a third wheel at my house with my husband who didn't contribute. I can't say if that's the case or not. I have no idea, but that's just what comes to mind when I read the post.

I agree. Even if she was living with the girl rent free and starting all this problems

If its not his house he has no say in the matter.

Or if he hates it so much get his own house. And have her with him.. or if it is in fact his and hers house. Geez just tell you girl .

Hey Hun I know you really like having Pam around. You know my feelings towards her. But id like it for us just to be together when I come home from work.

But never say its HER or ME.

I mean in all our relationships
There have been at least 1 or 2 friends
That I could not STAND!
But lord knows I had to put up with them..

Even with my Girlfriend now. She has this one friend.. I don't even know how this person can pass for human.. but anyway I still have to deal with it

Basically the main issue here is the mentality of the boyfriend

Friends, I chose my ex over my friends she lied, cheated dumped me and left me alone.

There shouldn't have to be a choice like this! We are humans... this isn't the "Old Country," where people rule our lives. We are capable enough of balancing our own lives... or so I would like to believe.

What an unfair and selfish thing to say to you!

This is the start of Controling
its only in his view that she is all this. and even if she was. he can't tell you.. who or who you can not be friends with!

Tell him that. no one tells me who i can and can't be friends with.
I love you
but if you loved me you would also respect me and the friends i want to have around me.

failing that. leave him

Ill come back if you stop seeing your friend
What is he 12???
Tell him to stop being a Drama queen and sulking till he gets his way

pff!

He never told me to stop seeing her he just don't want us to live with her, because its causing us to fight all the time.

What really caused our fight before he left is because he is always gone and he says its because of my best friend and he can't stand the drama. IDk I am all kinds of messed up right now. I just wrote him a long letter on myspace pouring my heart out to him and I can't call him because I don't want him to hear me cry and think that he has me wraped around his finger. But he didn't even write me back or call me yet and IDK what is going on!! I am so worried that he don't even care or love me I am trying so hard not to call him so I seem as if I am strong and I want him to call me but he hasn't yet and uhhhhhhhhhh!! It is driving me mad! I love him so much and I would risk everything for him.

Now you defend him.

Sigh.. he is acting like a spoilt brat.

Do you think his way of handlying this was the right way? Really? Yeah I didn't think so.

When or if he does cool off make sure that's the last time something like this happens

My advice was given
Do with it as you see fit

How can you go through so much with someone and love them so much and then just all the sudden act like you don't care? I know he loves me , I know he cares, but why don't he show it?

You are answering all your own questions.

How can you love someone so much and have them not show it back

I know he cares but why doesn't he show it.

Lets not drift from the subject here.

You can spout the I love him and I think he loves me till the cows come home. That does nothing for you at this point

Sadly you are in this position now. Where you have to make a choice.

Let him cool off get him back kick you friend out

If you do this. You will let him know that its so easy for him to get his own way with you.. it will cause problems for the futuer

I never told you to leave him.. I told you to stand up for yourself. I do not think his actions are correct... I think he acted like a child.

And I do care.. OK.. or I would not be doing this.

I know I am answering all my own questions I have nobody to talk to I don't know what to do I just want to hear other peoples perspectives on this so I can think about it.

Do you think if I stop calling or talking to him he will think about it and call me?

Why is she living with you in the first place? And if she is starting all this

You sit HER down and talk with her about it

Tell her you don't want anymore drama because its putting a rifft between me and my boyfriend.. if you are my best friend like you claim to be.. then you will do this for me.

Then tell your boy that you have given her 1 more chance you can't just kick her out if something happens again
She is GONE!
Simple as that.

And then when he comes back
Tell him to grow up as well and if he has an issue talk to you about it first.

Because I'm sure if you was in the same place you would not have acted the way he did

All the best

I do think you should stop calling him and all that

Don't give him the pleasuer of knowing your in pain
He is doing this to punish you

He is given you a TIME OUT

So yeah you sent him a letter leave it at that
If he wants to call you back he will.

Come out on top

Thanks a lot. Its really hard and I am trying my best not to call. All I can do now is wait and cry and if he don't call then I guess I get the messege. I just talked to my best friend and I told her everything , she says she understands and she isn't angry with me but she just needs to stay with me till she finds a place to stay and I said that was fine. If Jamie don't want to come back until she is gone then I guess that is fine to. Maybe it will help our relationship if we took some time apart. The hardest thing is that we also work together, and what if he ends up not calling me and I see him at work? How can I handle this?

Treat him how he treats you.

Ignore him if he ignores you at work.
It will throw him off that's for sure

Because you sound like the typ of person always being the first to come and say sorry and lets talk about this.

So you acting like that will do you good.

I don't think he will leave due to this.
And if he does
Then you know he never really loved you.

Just don't be scared.. and act strong!

He just wrote me back saying how much he loves me and that he is sorry and all he could think about last night was us , I think I will give him another chance. See how it works out.

Did you and him discuss your friend moving in before hand? Did you have a discussion with your friend before hand relating to how long she is going stay?

I been in this situation before and learned the hard way. I allowed my friend to move in with me and my boyfriend. She turned out to be lazy and cause many agreements between me and him. She didn't pay rent and never helped around the house. They say that you never truly know someone until you live with them and I learned a lot about her. Long story short I gave her a month to get her act together and to move out. Finally, after a total of 5 months living with us, she was gone.

I know you want to help your friend in need but you have to think about the other party involved too. If your boyfriend is worth it then you should pay attention to his views about the situation. Times is hard and she should be working even if she get a job at Mcdonalds. How would you feel if it was his friend instead of your? Give her a date to get her act together and see how fast she straighten up.

Liz brings up some good points, as part of your problem with the b/f is about undefined boundaries of expectations, and behavior, tilted his way, therefore unequal, and now a friend with the same thing undefined boundaries, of behavior, and expectation. Both cases a perfect example of everyone serving themselves, at your expense.

Solution- Stop letting folks take advantage of your nature, and stand up for what right for you.

That goes for everyone.

Thank you guys a lot for all your information it really helped me out. Now I know what I am about to do is right and it is what I know I want. If my friend Sarah don't understand then I guess she don't understand and if she does then she does. Right now where I am I just want to look forward to my future with my boyfriend. I think this time... I will follow my heart and what I think would be best for the situation.