My sixteen year old daughter is dating an eighteen year old man. She told me they were having protected sex! Is that OK? Is that even legal? He's an adult and she is just a miner! I mean I like this boy, he would never do anything to hurt my daughter so I don't want to get him in trouble so I want to make sure that they are not doing anything to break the law.

It depends on what state you live in really, and if you do live somewhere that what the guy is committing is statutory rape the only person that can really do anything about it is your daughter. So if they are in love then let them continue to be so, and take it day by day. Advise your daughter to talk to you if she is considering breaking up with the guy, because that is when the majority of "rape" charges are pressed.

God Bless

We live in the south. She says that she loves him and want to be with him forever. I don't tell her she doesn't know love, cause my husband and I met in high school and got married.

Hi first off that's not really OK where she is a minor and he is a adult also that isn't even legal it actually is AGAINST the LAW hope that answers your question:)

So the 4 year age limit doesn't apply when the other is 18?

What state do you in?

Tennessee

Well if your daughter is 16 and the boy is 18 there is a 2 year difference not a 4 year.. Next you have not told us where you are at, Each State has different laws, for example in GA age of consent is 16, so sex is legal at this point.

Now of course you ground her, stop her from dating, have to ask who the parent is?

You can also inform him ( as a adult) not to take your daughter anywhere, so depending on how your DA works, if he takes her out, you have some legal issues of custody interference, adult taking a minor.

There are also some strange laws, if they cross state line to have sex, there ( at least was ) laws on taking a minor acros state line for sex.

But to be honest 2 years is not much of a difference, a lot of seniors in high school are 18.

Omg!


Well it all depends on were you live


Here in California the legal age for sex is 18



A two year difference is fine when dating
But when it come to having sex
16 is just too young!
Its great to know that your doughter told you she's having sex
But that's how they end up pregnant!

In the State of Tennessee the legal age of consent is 18. If your daughter is not 18 and the boy is, this can be considered statutory rape. It doesn't matter whether the parents consent, if found out, it all depends on the prosecutor.

They don't go anywhere really. He either comes over here or she goes over there. They love to spend time with each other. Those two are really in love and I think, if she asked, he wuld wait for her. I think in the state of TN, and 18 year old can date a 16 year old as long as sex is not involved. They are only really a year and a half apart.

They can date each other but they can't engaged in any sexual activity. If they do he can get in trouble.

Ok I will have a talk with the two of them and tell them how much trouble they can get in if the keeo having sex. Thank you all so much for your help

My sixteen year old daughter is dating an eighteen year old man. She told me they were having protected sex! Is that ok? Is that even legal? He's an adult and she is just a miner! I mean I like this boy, he would never do anything to hurt my daughter so I dont want to get him in trouble so I want to make sure that they are not doing anything to break the law.

Regardless of where they are hanging out they're still having sex. They're even doing it in your house or his.

How exactly do you feel about this because it seems like your okay with it but then it seems like you don't or your really unsure.

Ok I will have a talk with the two of them and tell them how much trouble they can get in if the keeo having sex. Thank you all so much for your help

I am in Tennessee myself, just north of Memphis. Had this happen to a local couple a year or so ago. The DA was going to prosecute, but they got married before the warrants went out.

I guess I am still in shock. I didn't think that my baby was having sex. I am OK with it cause she said that it was protected. They are both really good kids. I believe that he will stop when I tell him what could happen. He just turned 18 today so I wanted to see if it was OK

The guy I know could have had the label of sex offender on him for the rest of his life. He was 18 and she was 17 and got pregnant. Condoms aren't 100% effective you know. NO birth control is 100% effective.

I know it's not Miss. Is it OK for the two of them to just date? Not have sex?

It's perfectly fine to date and not have sex. However, they have already had sex. This is hard to stop once a teen has started.

I think these two can do it. I know you don't think so, cause you haven't met them. They are truly in love, he would never do anything that would but either of them in any form of danger. I will have a talk with them tomorrow and have them understand

I wish you luck!! It's so refreshing to see that a mother and her daughter and boyfriend can have such open discussions these days. More parents should be like you.

Thank you for your help. I was never close with my mother, and I didn't want to be like that with my child. So when I had a dughter I did all I could to be home with her and giver her all the attention she needed. We are really close now. And I just love her boyfriend to death, he is such a gentalman

I'm so happy to hear this. I am the same with my daughter. You are a good Mom... I'm sure they will take what you say to heart.

But, just in case, why don't you take her to get on some form of birth control.

Thank you Miss. I will let the chose be up to her.

Ah, you don't have to call me Miss... J will be fine!! ;)

OK J. thanks for your help. I think these kids will do better. I thought I would ask since I didn't want either being in trouble. He just turned 18 today and she won't be 18 till April of 2010 (I know it sounds like 2 years apart but they really aren't. Only a year and a half).

Just because he's 18 doesn't mean anything. I've dated a 17 year old when I was 15 years old. It's the same age diff and no one started calling the cops about that lol no but really enless he's pushing her into something she doesn't want to do it is legal. My mom married my dad and he is 8 years older! Its always hard to hear your daughter is having sex with anyone but in this case it is legal don't worry!

Actually it is not legal for them for them to have sex but they can date. The legal age of consent in her age is 18 so if anyone 18 years or older engage in any sexual activity with her 16 year old daughter they can go to jail and be label as a sex offender for life.

Just because hes 18 doesnt mean anything. ive dated a 17 year old when i was 15 years old. its the same age diff and no one started calling the cops about that lol no but really enless hes pushing her into something she doesnt want to do it is legal. my mom married my dad and he is 8 years older! its always hard to hear your daughter is having sex with anyone but in this case it is legal dont worry!

Guess you better check out this website...

A table of worldwide ages of consent, including US states (http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm)

There are no laws that govern dating anywhere I know of. I agree with you that the age difference is not too great and I see no problem in these two dating.

But you NEED to impress upon both of them that their engaging in sexual relations IS illegal in your state. He can be prosecuted whether you press charges or not. He could wind up with jail time and a sex offender charge hanging over his head.

Wow, very good parenting. It is good to see that this was already resolved, but I just had to compliment you on your parental skills! I am 16, male, and this is nice to see. I have a fairly open relationship with my parents as well, and it makes life so much easier for me and my parents. Just basically wanted to say good job, so good job! Thank you!

Still, make sure you inform them of the legal risks. ScottGem is right, and a sex offender charge would make life much more difficult for your daughters boyfriend. Its too bad, but unfortunately, it is law.

Actually all these people are right it is statutory rape. But really unless you have a problem with these two dating then leave it alone I think if they love each other and you like the guy then nothing is wrong with that as long as no one reports it. True love has no age limits

actually all these people are right it is statutory rape. But really unless you have a problem with these two dating then leave it alone i think if they love each other and you like the guy then nothing is wrong with that as long as no one reports it. True love has no age limits

That is so idealistic and so ridiculous I had to respond to it. So you believe that a 14 yr old can feel "true love" for a 24 yr old? Or vice versa? Give me a break!

You are correct that, since the age of consent for TN is 18 that for them to engage in sexual relations would be statutory rape. However, your advice to leave it alone is off base. The boy is risking jail and a lifetime designation as a sex offender. They are also risking having their futures sidetracked by an unwanted pregnancy. So no, leave it alone is not good advice In my opinion.

The fact is that once a teen has sex they will continue to do so. More so if they are both enjoying it. They might cut drastically down on how much they have but I don't think they will stop completely.

A year and a half is a long time for an 18 year old boy, but I would love to see him prove me wrong!

That is so idealistic and so ridiculous I had to respond to it. So you beleive that a 14 yr old can feel "true love" for a 24 yr old? Or vice versa? Give me a break!

You are correct that, since the age of consent for TN is 18 that for them to engage in sexual relations would be statutory rape. However, your advice to leave it alone is off base. The boy is risking jail and a lifetime designation as a sex offender. They are also risking having their futures sidetracked by an unwanted pregnancy. So no, leave it alone is not good advice IMHO.

Okay well 1; I said that she should let them be together I never said she should let them have sex. 2; before they even had numbers I bet older guys and younger girls or even younger guys and older girls were together. 3; If the are having protected sex she won't get pregnant! Oh and 4; he won't get jail time or be a registered sex offender if no one reports him. And the 14 year old and 24 year old thing is outrageous she's 16 and he's 18.

Dating is not illegal! Friendship is not illegal! Sexually touching one another yes... oh and by the way.. if you know about it... you are just as liable as the guy

Okay well 1; i said that she should let them be together i never said she should let them have sex. 2; before they even had numbers i bet older guys and younger girls or even younger guys and older girls were together. 3; If the are having protected sex she won't get pregnant! Oh and 4; he won't get jail time or be a registered sex offender if no one reports him. And the 14 year old and 24 year old thing is outrageous she's 16 and he's 18.

1) What you actually said was; "unless you have a problem with these two dating then leave it alone". That infers letting them continue as they are.
2) Different times had vastly different standards on thises things. As recently as the 19th century, when life spans were a lot shorter and children were required to grow up a lot quicker, the mores were different. But we aren't talking about prehistoric times or over 100 years ago. We are talking about now!
3) Oh really? You know of a 100% effective form of birth control (other than abstention)? If so, please share it with us.
4) True, but if someone does report him or she gets pregnant, then he's in big trouble.
4a) yes, the 14-24 was an extreme example. But what YOU said was; "True love has no age limits". So now you admit that's a ridiculous statement because there are limits.

1) What you actually said was; "unless you have a problem with these two dating then leave it alone". That infers letting them continue as they are.
2) Different time periods had vastly different standards on thises things. As recently as the 19th century, when life spans were a lot shorter and children were required to grow up a lot quicker, the mores were different. But we aren't talking about prehistoric times or over 100 years ago. We are talking about now!
3) Oh really? You know of a 100% effective form of birth control (other than abstention)? If so, please share it with us.
4) True, but if someone does report him or she gets pregnant, then he's in big trouble.
4a) yes, the 14-24 was an extreme example. But what YOU said was; "True love has no age limits". So now you admit that's a rediculous statement because there are limits.
1.Yeah but I never said anything about the sex part. And even if she tried to stop it they probably wouldn't stop.
2.Dude I know were talking about now what I was trying to say was what's the difference and who's to say that a mature person is in love or not no matter how old they are because a lot of OLDER guys are more mature than the YOUNGER ones.
3.Umm there's also condoms and birth control so there's little chance of pregnancy. Every teenager is at risk of getting pregnant no matter if their boyfriend is 16 or 18.
4.I don't think there should be limits. Okay 14 to 24 is big but whatever a lot of people 8 years or 10 years apart get married and I also meant in this situation true love shouldn't be a limit maybe I should have made it more clear.

1.Yeah but i never said anything about the sex part. And even if she tried to stop it they probablly wouldn't stop.
2.Dude i know were talking about now what i was trying to say was what's the difference and who's to say that a mature person is in love or not no matter how old they are because a lot of OLDER guys are more mature than the YOUNGER ones.
3.Umm there's also condoms and birth control so there's little chance of pregnancy. Every teenager is at risk of getting pregnant no matter if their boyfriend is 16 or 18.
4.I don't think there should be limits. Okay 14 to 24 is big but whatever a lot of people 8 years or 10 years apart get married and i also ment in this situation true love shouldn't be a limit maybe i should have made it more clear.

1. That's right you never said ANYTHING about the sex part. But, again, since the OP mentioned and you told her to leave it alone, the inference was to leave that part alone too.
2. umm Duh, usually with age comes greater maturity. But you are missing the point. Age does matter. As both parties get older it matters less and less. I have no problem with the age difference here, but the law in their state does have a problem with them having sexual relations.
3. Um no, only teens who engage in sexual relations risk getting pregnant. And again, I go back to what you actually said; "If the are having protected sex she won't get pregnant!". You didn't say she probablywon't get pregnant or she's unlikely to get pregnant, you said she "won't" get pregnant.
4. You can't have it both ways. You can't think there shouldn't be a limit but then say that 14-24 is big. I don't see a problem with a 34-44, but when the difference involes an adult and a minor there is usually a big problem.

Yeah, you should be more clear. That's the problem here. You aren't carefully considering what you post. You are making statements that make you look foolish and then compounding the problem by trying to defend them.

I don't think it matters if its illegal unless you plan on turning him in. I mean, who's going to find out they're having sex? And then who's going to take it to the cops?

i dont think it matters if its illegal unless you plan on turning him in. i mean, whos gonna find out theyre having sex? and then whos gonna take it to the cops?

Many people may find out and many may take it to the cops. I've seen it done before even when the parents consented. The law is the law.

There are some forms of birth control that will completely stop a women's cycle from happening, its called the "Depo Provera shot". It will last 3 months and stops eggs from dropping. If they can't refrain from having sex this might be a good idea in the most serious of circumstances but it has a lot of drawbacks and will almost certainally make her gain a small amount of weight. Even then it's only 99% effective and coupled with a comdom will be within reasonable standards to know she won't get knocked up.

But like said above the BEST choice is to just refrain from having sex or cut it down to maybe once or twice a month. Like I said once a teen becomes sexually active it becomes much harder to stop, more so if they love each other.

1. That's right you never said ANYTHING about the sex part. But, again, since the OP mentioned and you told her to leave it alone, the inference was to leave that part alone too.
2. umm Duh, usually with age comes greater maturity. But you are missing the point. Age does matter. As both parties get older it matters less and less. I have no problem with the age difference here, but the law in their state does have a problem with them having sexual relations.
3. Um no, only teens who engage in sexual relations risk getting pregnant. And again, I go back to what you actually said; "If the are having protected sex she won't get pregnant!". You didn't say she probablywon't get pregnant or she's unlikely to get pregnant, you said she "won't" get pregnant.
4. You can't have it both ways. You can't think there shouldn't be a limit but then say that 14-24 is big. I don't see a problem with a 34-44, but when the difference involes an adult and a minor there is usually a big problem.

Yeah, you should be more clear. That's the problem here. you aren't carefully considering what you post. You are making statements that make you look foolish and then compounding the problem by trying to defend them.

Yeah dude seriously okay I wrote 'she won't get pregnant if she's having protected sex' smart people would know that I meant the chances of her getting pregnant were small. And I did say that it shouldn't have limits I'm not trying to have it both ways just because I said 14-24 is big doesn't mean I think its wrong. And DUH teens who ENGAGE in sexual relations are at risk to get pregnant That's WHAT I SAID just because I didn't put the words you wanted didn't mean you couldn't get that from what I said. Oh and for 2.That's exactly the point I was trying to make. Basically your just quoting me saying the same things but pointing out words I left out. Just leave it alone I said what I had to say and I stand by it. Find someone else to quote and find wrong. And you're the one that looks foolish saying the same things I'm saying

I think your daughter is too young to be having sex but at least she is acting responsible by using protection. I still would advice her that she is just too young and that if he really loved and cared about her then he would wait. Also, condoms are not 100% and I have a daughter as proof.

Ok XrawrX69 and Scottgem lets end the pis**ng contest and stop argueing over small details and semantics it's not getting the thread anywhere. Don't post unless you have something that will help the OP and stop underhanding each other. Were for the most part all adults and just need to understand different points of view and stop pointing out small inconsistencies if you don't like it bring it up in a private conversation.

i dont think it matters if its illegal unless you plan on turning him in. i mean, whos gonna find out theyre having sex? and then whos gonna take it to the cops?

And what if she gets pregnant? Don't you think that's a bit of a clue? In some states the doctor that examines her will be required to report it. Or what happens if she gets an STD, same story.

And then there is always the possibility that they have a fight and either the mother or the girl reports him in a fit of anger.

Sorry, but that was bad advice In my opinion. The fact that its illegal matters greatly. The potential of having his life ruined is just too great.

And what if she gets pregnant? Don't you think that's a bit of a clue? In some states the doctor that examines her will be required to report it. Or what happens if she gets an STD, same story.

And then there is always the possibility that they have a fight and either the mother or the girl reports him in a fit of anger.

Sorry, but that was bad advice IMHO. the fact that its illegal matters greatly. The potential of having his life ruined is just too great.

IF she did get pregnant the docotor wouldn't know how old the father was or even who the father was. I see where your going with that but even still If he had an STD don't you think they'd be smart enough to get tested since they are now sexually active? And even if they don't get tested then her mom should make sure they do

hi first off thats not really ok where she is a minor and he is a adult also that isnt even legal it actually is AGAINST the LAW hope that answers ur question:)

This is not necessarily true. It does depend on the state in which you live. Some states there is no statutory rape laws, its flat out child molestation. Also, the age difference is an issue. Sometimes 24 months isn't enough of an age gap to cause a problem. In Washingtons state, where I live, that is not enough of a gap to cause a problem. My sister was 15, and her boyfriend was 18, and there was nothing anyone could do.
So, just check out your states laws, and hopefully everything will be fine.

IF she did get pregnant the docotor wouldn't know how old the father was or even who the father was. I see where your going with that but even still If he had an STD don't you think they'd be smart enough to get tested since they are now sexually active? And even if they don't get tested then her mom should make sure they do

This is factually incorrect. At the hospital where I deliver babies, we DO ask who the father is and if the father is involved with the pregnancy and if he will be involved after the birth. Now, the mother does not have to mention who the father is of course, but it is asked.

Now, as far as the STD issue. STDs are community sexually transmitted diseases. When an STD is found, it is the doctor's/health department's responsibility to take a sexual history of everyone that the infected person has been with. Then, the State goes to that person/people and requires them to get tested and treated as well. There have been instances that I have been involved with where the police had to go pick up one of the partners of an infected person for testing and treatment.

IF she did get pregnant the docotor wouldn't know how old the father was or even who the father was. I see where your going with that but even still If he had an STD don't you think they'd be smart enough to get tested since they are now sexually active? And even if they don't get tested then her mom should make sure they do

You really need to quit before you fall further behind. I don't rush to answer questions. I carefully consider my answers and draw from a great deal of experience. I rarely make statements I can't defend with facts and/or logic.

Its perfectly natural for the doctor to inquire about the father. But the doctor wouldn't need to know about the father. He knows that the mother is under the age of consent. That's enough that he might be required to report it.

No, I don't think they would be smart enough to be tested. Teenagers have a sense of immortality that makes them feel no need to take certain precautions.

This is factually incorrect. At the hospital where I deliver babies, we DO ask who the father is and if the father is involved with the pregnancy and if he will be involved after the birth. Now, the mother does not have to mention who the father is of course, but it is asked.

Now, as far as the STD issue. STDs are community sexually transmitted diseases. When an STD is found, it is the doctor's/health department's responsibility to take a sexual history of everyone that the infected person has been with. Then, the State goes to that person/people and requires them to get tested and treated as well. There have been instances that I have been involved with where the police had to go pick up one of the partners of an infected person for testing and treatment.

Oh well I actually didn't know that. So thanks cause I learned something new

And what if she gets pregnant? Don't you think that's a bit of a clue? In some states the doctor that examines her will be required to report it. Or what happens if she gets an STD, same story.

And then there is always the possibility that they have a fight and either the mother or the girl reports him in a fit of anger.

Sorry, but that was bad advice IMHO. the fact that its illegal matters greatly. The potential of having his life ruined is just too great.


That's all true. I just figured that if nothing is wrong and everything is going great, no pregnancy std's or any of that then why worry about him getting into trouble with the authorities if there is no reason to turn him in.

thats all true. i just figured that if nothing is wrong and everything is going great, no pregnancy std's or any of that then why worry about him getting into trouble with the authorities if there is no reason to turn him in.

But there are no guarantees either way. And the potential for having a life ruined is too great to risk.

But there are no guarantees either way. And the potential for having a life ruined is too great to risk.

If he knows the risks and is OK with it, and she knows the risks also, then I don't think there should be a reason for the OP to keep them apart or be worried. Let them deal with it when the time comes. The man is old enough to make his decisions. If he ruins his life, its his fault. Let them decide on what they want to do. As long as they know the risks of what can happen, let them be.

if he knows the risks and is ok with it, and she knows the risks also, then i dont think there should be a reason for the OP to keep them apart or be worried. let them deal with it when the time comes. the man is old enough to make his decisions. if he ruins his life, its his fault. let them decide on what they wanna do. as long as they know the risks of what can happen, let them be.

Excuse me, but this forum is about offering advice on what to do. You can disagree with my adivce, just as I disagree with yours. My opinion is that you are not helping the situation by advising them to ignore the legal implications of their actions.

Also, I don't think anyone here, including me, has advised that the OP keep them apart. Our advice has been for them to refrain from sexual activity until she is of legal age. That doesn't mean they can't continue to date.

Excuse me, but this forum is about offering advice on what to do. You can disagree with my adivce, just as I disagree with yours. My opinion is that you are not helping the situation by advising them to ignore the legal implications of their actions.

Also, I don't think anyone here, including me, has advised that the OP keep them apart. Our advice has been for them to refrain from sexual activity until she is of legal age. That doesn't mean they can't continue to date.

Seriously you're the one that keeps saying its too great of a risk basically your saying don't let them be together because of how he might get reported and each time you disagree with people your saying that.

OK look... she says she is going to be with him no matter what right?? So you got your choices... you can freak out on her and tell her no... she will just go behind your back and lie to you... or you can accept it, teach her responsibility, make sure they are not doing anything ridiculous, have her check in, and trust her.

Seriously your the one that keeps saying its too great of a risk basically your saying don't let them be together because of how he might get reported and each time you disagree with people your saying that.

You really have a problem reading. Please show me where I said they should not be together?

In fact, in my first post in this thread (#30), I said; "I agree with you that the age difference is not too great and I see no problem in these two dating.".

My point is that they (he especially) are taking a big risk if they have sexual relations. I never said they shouldn't be together. Again, I'm careful what I post (unlike you).

In the State of Missouri the legal age of consent is 17. I was in the courtroom when an 18 year old man was convicted of statutory rape against his 16 year old girlfriend. He had been living with her and her mother and sleeping in the same bed for 2 years. When they broke up, the mother pressed charges against him. He now has to register as a sex offender and can not be around girls under the age of 17. Most of the time, kids can get away with this behavior, but you might want to warn them that this can become a nightmare for both of them.