I don't understand what I am doing wrong, because I feel absolutely NO pleasure when I am having sex. I recently lost my virginity to him but I'm past the sex hurting me, and now I feel nothing, no pain but no pleasure. This has been going on for some time and it's making me lose interest in sex We've tried new positions and tried making the sex lengthy. Any advice to a newbie at this stuff?

Explore yourself. Find out what makes you feel good and then show him... I know that probably sounds weird but if you don't know what you like how's he sapposed to know? By the way how old are you?

Foreplay, More Foreplay then extra Foreplay. Just intercourse and different positions will not only help, but taking time. Another thing is expectations of amazing sex takes times. It is a learning experience. It does take practise. Oh yes, I agree with above. Pleasure yourself. Learn and explore your own body then you will be able to show your other half what makes you feel good. That is the best way to learn. One more thing. RELAX. Too many expectations, too much stress and nervousness will effect your level of pleasure.


Joe

Yes yes yes to Jesushelper76.. who surely knows the score.

If you just lost your virginity to him and you are not enjoying it you are both doing something wrong, when a woman initially starts to experience the sex world it should be the best.

Foreplay is essential - foreplay is what makes most woman orgasm and not the sex alone! Not the different positions, its exciting each other before actual intercourse.
Experiment with foreplay...
Something that I know would probably excite you.. is a massage with oils... and let the good times roll ;)
Have Fun.

These all sound like great suggestions, thank you!! I'm such a n00b compared to him lol, I haven't even had any oral sex so maybe that's what we should try... my friends tell me that's the best. I'm 18 by the way.

Once we're on oral sex... I can tell you that - that should definitley make you orgasm...
What is your boyfriend waiting for...
Are you sure its not his first time either??

I don't understand what I am doing wrong, because I feel absolutely NO pleasure when I am having sex. I recently lost my virginity to him but I'm past the sex hurting me, and now I feel nothing, no pain but no pleasure. This has been going on for some time and it's making me lose interest in sex We've tried new positions and tried making the sex lengthy. Any advice to a newbie at this stuff??

Honey, to put it bluntly, you probably lost your virginity under pressure to do so, and not because you got turned on, felt romance, and probably were not even in the mood.

So, you got past the hurting, and now you feel nothing - that's a sure sign of 'not being interested'. The guy probably just got in and out, and he's only thinking of 'getting off' and not even worried whether you like it or not.

I sure hope that you are not making any long lasting future plans with him in them, because you need to get to know some guys that are not so self-centered.

Sex should be fun! It should not be a chore, or something to kill time with. And it never should be something to do after a date on Friday night! If you 'feel' obligated to 'please' him for some stupid reason, forget it.

You need to explore yourself, your feelings about the art of 'giving' and 'receiving' - and it should be 'arousing' YOU, not the other way around.

It depends how he treats you when in public, working up to 'later'. If he is a jerk all day and expects you to be all 'lovey-dovey' in the evening, then he's not tuned in on your feelings. If you don't feel the 'tingle' when he calls or when you are with him, them something very crucial is missing - maybe no respect...

Hope you find someone who respects you and can turn you on to toe-curling feelings and fun!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) Life's too short - don't waste it.

P.S. If you suggest oral sex, and he wants to be 'first' - he's probably only thinking of himself, therefore, he will never strive to satisfy you.

I agree with Myth and Jesushelper, you need to get to know yourself. I'm a 35 yr old woman who can honestly say I almost always have multiple orgasms. Its not because I'm oversexed, I've just learned to explore my own sexuality and I know what makes me get off. And I truly believe that at least 50% to 75% of it is MENTAL, not physical! Yes, it is! My BEST advice is to FORGET ABOUT PLEASING HIM! Just concentrate on yourself and getting yourself off. Trust me, when he sees (and hears - don't be shy about making a little noise when it starts to get good!) that you are really getting into it, he will get much more pleasure out of it too. I'll tell you - it works every time! And don't be bashful about using your own fingers to provide stimulus to yourself during the act. Penetration only normally doesn't work for me (and most women), I need the extra stimulus. When I learned this trick, I went multi. And once you have the first, then the next comes around much more quick and stronger, and then the next... :-) I've never had a partner who thought this made me less of "a good girl" or whatever (I am a professional high-end managerial career oriented woman). When you are with a committed partner, there is nothing "taboo" or "wrong" to do unless it makes one of you feel uncomfortable. You just have to have an open mind and allow yourself to just feel good!

f4af2007 I don't understand what I am doing wrong, because I feel absolutely NO pleasure when I am having sex. I recently lost my virginity to him but I'm past the sex hurting me, and now I feel nothing, no pain but no pleasure. This has been going on for some time and it's making me lose interest in sex We've tried new positions and tried making the sex lengthy. Any advice to a newbie at this stuff?

f4af2007 You said in your post that you feel absolutely nothing... you must feel something. At least disapointment or something surely you must have been expecting something, if not the first time then later on, the second time or third or so on. Have you dated much? And if so on these dates did you get turned on? And on these dates was there any making out during the dates? And during the making out did you have any feelings that might have been sexual desire? If a guy played with your breast did you get any type physical reaction such as your nipples becoming erect or a feeling in your groin of tightness or anything down there. If you have not ever had any of these feeling it could be that you are just not ready for sexual activity.
Others have suggested that you explore your own body to see what turns you on and what feels good to you. You didn't ever say whether you had ever done this or not. If you can I also suggest you do this. I say if you can because for some reason or the other some girls just do not feel comfortable doing the things suggested. If that is the case do some reading or go to someone that you trust and talk to them. Slowly you will overcome that fear that you have. Good luck to you. And don't have sex with this guy just because he wants to... wait till you think you want to.

I have been turned on when I make out with a guy and have felt all that passion and desire. I just am completely dumbfounded as to why I don't feel any pain NOR pleasure during sex! Since my first post we've tried different positions and other different things... he's even gone down on me before we have sex, it's new to me and it feels GREAT, but then when we have sex RIGHT after the pleasure is gone and I'm back to feel nothingness. I've masterbated before too and that doesn't seem to help at all... it's really frustrating the both of us. I don't know there is left to do... I don't think it's a mental thing that blocking it because I really do care for this guy a lot, and he's proven to me that he cares too... and I'm at the point where I feel completely comfortable with him naked... it's not an insecurity thing... I just don't know, but I really appreciate all the feedback I have gotten so far about it. I just wonder if there are girls who just don't get pleasure during sex period! Ugggh I hope that's not me.

Guess what... you are not alone in this, and there is help. See your Gynecologist and get a good check-up. Don't be embarrassed to tell him exactly what you just told us. Your body might not be developed fully (it's possible) or you might have a minor problem that can be corrected with help.

So.. don't give up just yet. I'll see if I can find the last article I read about this subject and pass on the link.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Hey girl
I'm 18 to and I lost my virginty to the guy I am with now. I don't feel absoluty nothing, but at times it does feel like that and I know how uncomfortable and frustraing it can be. I am just here to tell you, you are not alone. And as another girl who is in the same perdicament (in ways) don't give up, just yet. If your boyfriend has been trying to get you off and you also; then don't give up. Take the advice and go to a Gynecologist.
A couple of my friends had to weight a couple of years before anything happened and my roomie just lost her viginity and it no longer hurts and she doesn't feel anything either, but she asked her boy about it and he's previous girl went through the same thing. We just have to learn and develop more, at least that's what I am learning from everything I am reading about it.
Just wanted to let you know a lot of girls at 18 experience this... and don't give up

Also, see if pleasuring yourself when he's inside you helps but first you have to know what does it for you.

If after masturbating, you felt no pleasure, then lets take the guy out of this picture - since he has nothing to do with this if you are alone. Am wondering if you are physically OK in the sex dept. Perhaps a check-up is in order.

I do feel pleasure when I masterbate, but I guess a gyno check up won't hurt. And I do try and stimulate myself when we're having sex with my fingers but that isn't helping either.

I like the check up idea... until then... stop worrying... enjoy you and the boyfriend as best you can and give yourself a "break" while you find out what's up.. and thanks for sharing a delicate subject... let us know how it works out... JonB

Well I went to the gyno and she said everything was fine for me, so I really don't know what else to do. I explained my problem to her and all the things we've tried and she told me that it's my mind that's stopping me from having great sex... I took her information into consideration but I don't know if that's authentic... has anyone else had experiences that it was their mind devoiding them of sexual pleasure?

Well its not just about new positions. Things like speed, pressure and stim of other errogenous zones can help.

When you're on top you should feel more clitoral stim and control over tempo. A few of the ladies posted in another thread that they love it for the guy to be standing, like against a wall, and their legs around his hips. That it really hits the g spot and c1itoral.

Another one to try is for the guy to lay on the bed and for you to lay on top of him, your back to his front with your laying down, not sitting up. You can try sitting up and rocking, but that's a different thing. Here he has to use his legs and kind of slide you up and down toward his head and feet. This can stimulate your g spot. You can use your fingers to stimulate your c1itoris. At the same time he has access to your neck, ears, and chest. Between stimulating the g spot, the clitoris, your neck and ears with his mouth and your chest with his fingers you will hopefully feel something.

The only problem is that this position, while work on the legs, might drive him over the edge way fast if he cannot hold back. Something to try.

And I do agree... when you are mentally frustrated it can be a maddening cycle.

I know from talking to many of my girlfriends growing up that for some women it comes as second nature, as easily as a sneeze it seemed! For others it was more challenging and it turned out to be more of a learned thing over time. For them it was easier to fall into performance anxiety and that really compounds the problem.

Then there are those who have stuff in their past that is psychologically inhibiting. I felt nothing for a long time. That is why I was doing all the asking and talking with my girlfriends. I was stuck because of what happened (I was severely abused). It took three years of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) counseling and some hard work to get my groove back, sexually and otherwise. My sexuality is still not entirely as it should be... but I am happy and he is satisfied too... so no complaints.

You might want to focus more on the emotional/psychological aspects instead of just the mechanics. They say the mind is the most powerful errongenous zone and I can believe that! If you can't seem to find any reasonable explanations there, then maybe seek out a professional... it's a perfectly okay thing to do on stuff like this.

there are those who have stuff in their past that is psychologically inhibiting. I felt nothing for a long time. That is why I was doing all the asking and talking with my girlfriends. I was stuck because of what happened (I was severely abused). It took three years of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) counseling and some hard work to get my groove back, sexually and otherwise. My sexuality is still not entirely as it should be... but I am happy and he is satisfied too... so no complaints.

You might want to focus more on the emotional/psychological aspects instead of just the mechanics. They say the mind is the most powerful errongenous zone and I can believe that! If you can't seem to find any reasonable explanations there, then maybe seek out a professional... it's a perfectly okay thing to do on stuff like this.

Hey valinors... I couldn't rate you again... but I think you're great at homing in on what happens to a lot of women in their lives. This too inhibited me, and I'm sure a lot more of us than admitted.

Thank goodness that visiting a psychologist for even a psychiatrist is no longer a 'stigma' that has to be kept a secret. It is about time that we all, men and women, receive the chance to expose the past and learn how to deal with it to become physically and emotionally happier.

f4af2007 - we are not saying this is the cause and the 'cure all', but just mentioning it as a possibility. What you have bottled up in your sub conscience is your 'thing', but we just want you to know that it does not need to be suppressed and needs no longer prevent all of us from leading half-way normal lives. So, what the gynecologist suggested could well be 'authentic'.. anything is worth a try.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_26.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) Thank goodness that we are out of the 'dark ages'. We have every right to gain our equilibrium in life!

Dear f4af2007,

Sometimes pleasuring one another orally works for some without penetration. Sex is a wonderful thing, but things just come naturally. When making love your mind should not be on what comes next or will I have an orgasm. From your posts, it seems that when it came to doing it orally, you were pleasured and your mind was probably in LaLa land. But when it came to penetration, your mind focus on something else. Just let it come naturally. You are young. It will come to you. Just give it time and do not this frustrate you. Hope this helps!

I think some relaxation needs to come into this for both of you and some restraint on your man's part might help too. If you don't commence full sex until you feel it's exactly what you need to push you over the edge (and you will know, girl) then keep going with the foreplay until neither of you can take any more.
And don't worry, sexual compatibility doesn't always happen overnight.

Best of Luck
-Munch

It's the best answer to a question like that I have ever heard

I know exactly what you mean. I love my boyfriend and we're really good together, but when we have sex I just feel nothing. It's like "oh hey, there's a penis inside me? ok" I know he isn't just trying to get himself off because he's constantly trying to make me feel good. When he fingers me it feels good, but when we have sex, it's nada.. and he fingered me after the sex because he wanted me to feel pleasure but I didn't feel anything when I usually feel it. The only logical explanation I can think of is if my body turned off all sexual feelings during intercourse because of my being raped. It was a while ago but I haven't tried having sex until just recently with my boyfriend. So my point being is that you are not alone. It's really frustrating. Part of me wants to just fake it because he said if I don't feel good during sex, he won't either and won't be able to . Is there anyway to fix this?

I have been turned on when I make out with a guy and have felt all that passion and desire. (...) I just wonder if there are girls who just don't get pleasure during sex period!

Do you get turned on when making out with your BF, meaning do you get all hot and heavy and wet and want him inside you?

What do you mean when you say you get no pleasure? Do you mean you don't have an orgasm during intercourse? That's absolutely not unusual. About 70% of women can't reach climax from penetration alone; they need direct stimulation of the clitoris in order to come.

I can only encourage you to do what others have already suggested: explore your vagina, inside and out. Masturbate, with or without toys (you can find some in the refrigerator! LOL). Once you know what feels good when you do it to yourself, teach your BF to do it to you.


There are women out there who have an orgasm the very first time they have sex, or reach multiple orgasms on a regular basis, or climax from penetration alone. However, for most of us, things aren't that easy and it takes practice to have satisfying sex with a man.

I can't believe it, I found this post because I am actually having a very similar problem. Since I started having sex with my boyfriend a few months ago, I have not been able to feel any pleasure either. He is my first sexual partner, I felt initial pain, but now that is gone and I still don't feel pleasure. It is driving us both crazy. We don't know what to do. We've tried many different positions and it still doesn't work for me. I care about him so much and I really really want to feel pleasure from having sex with him. We have had oral sex, and that is the only time I feel pleasure and really enjoy it, I don't understand why sex won't work! I thought I was the only one who could possibly be having this problem... I'm worried that I'll never be able to feel anything from sex...

greentree I know EXACTLY how you feel. Ive been with my boyfriend for nine months now and I love him loads. He too is my first sexual partner and I also initially felt pain but now that has gone and still... nothing. We are both frustrated by it and I know he does everything he can to try and pleasure me but apart from foreplay, I feel NOTHING.
You are not alone!!

You may wish to visit a gynecologist to see if there is a medical reason for this that can be treated. Why waste time and find out years from now.

This post is closed as the original question is dated over a year ago.

Hi, I am 22 years old and I am the same way. I do not know what to do.