Im in a 17 month relationship with a 29 year old guy and Im 42. We have had a lot of ups and downs and I have finished the relationship many times. Mainly, I am sure, due to my insecurities (ie. Why does a young guy like him want to be with a older woman?) but he has always got me back. We now live together along with my 20 year old daughter and 21 year old son. The trouble is we are fighting more and more. He does get a little jealous if my phone goes off and always asks whose texting me but now its rubbed off on me and I am so wound up 24/7 that he's texting other women/girls and I have even checked through his phone. That caused a major fight as I had noticed he had a lot of girls on his phone, he says he's known them years etc but he has insisted that I take any guys other than my son off my phone! I also noticed a few soft porn video's which has made me feel even more insecure. I have confronted him about this and he just loses his temper and starts shouting. Our real problem is (aside from how insecure and jealous I am) his anger. He cannot communicate without losing his temper and we just end up either not talking or splitting up. YET when we are good together we are great. I just hate how consumed I am by wondering what he's doing and whose texting him etc. How the hell do I stop this self-destructive thinking?

Seem's like you've tried everything to discuss this maturely with him. You have one option to really get your point across and to make him listen, and that is to set an ultimatum. Either he sits down maturely and works out the relationship problems, or you are gone, FOR REAL this time. Sometimes its what it takes.

Thanks for the advice. I tried talking to him last night but again it ended in a violent confrontation. This time he said he was leaving.. that he loves me but can't live with these fights anymore and love wasn't enough. This morning, when he woke he said he didn't want to go.. he had cooled down. But as much as I love him I don't think its for the best for us to stay together yet I can't break free for some warped reason. Why in gods name does he stay when he says all that stuff? Im so confused?

How the hell do I stop this self-destructive thinking?


Get rid of that self destructive thinker.

Sorry, but it sounds like you two would be a lot better off not even dating, let alone living together.

Honestly, no matter the attraction or the good times, the reality is his influence is negative, and detrimental to your happiness, and I'll bet its affecting your kids as well.

Leaving this situation seems the only option I see. Leaving him is the best option I see, I don't care how well you get along when he is in a good mood, as its obviously not doing his part as a sharing caring partner. It will get worse.