I am not new to relationships, I'm not just starting, and I was blessed to have a very fulfilling wonderful marriage to a man I considered my partner and friend and my soul-mate. Sadly, that marriage ended when he died and left me with a hole in my heart that I felt would never be filled by another. My career takes me away from home to various countries for long stretches of time and with my late husband that was always OK. He loved me enough to encourage my drive to do what I was meant to do, and he loved and accepted me when I was home or away.

A while after my husband died, a work-mate mentioned to me on one of our trips that a colleague of ours seemed to be a good mate for me and seemed to be a bit taken with me, but I dismissed this as I had seen no signs from him other than being charming and friendly, which he is with everyone. Also there is an age difference (I am older) and we were at the time based in different countries.

Later I met a different man, who is passionate and expressive. We had a "hot" romance, that evolved into a hot marriage. He is not a bad man, and in fact very loving and more expressive of his feelings than other men I've been with perhaps, but earlier this year he and I separated, because of strife between us having to do with my career, and what I considered his undue jealousy and possessiveness.

At the time I was working on a project with the colleague I mentioned in the paragraph prior. He and I actually grew closer as friends, and we are now living in the same country as well as based on the same project as well. I am not sure if it was the intensity of our project or the separation from my current husband, but I began to have extremely strong feelings for this colleague. Sometimes I think it was the seed my work make planted in my brain years ago, suggesting this colleague might be a good mate. Sometimes I think it's what this colleague has in common with my late husband, his good character, his selflessness, his joy of life and his good common sense.

Still, there is nothing this colleague has done to indicate he has any romantic feelings for me or that he sees me as anything other than a good friend.

Lately, I began to re-initiate communications with my current husband. My current husband, who is apologetic for having been so insecure and possessive and is working to re-build our relationship. He's actually several steps ahead of me, because although I do love him, I have the seed of the feelings for this colleague messing with my mind and my heart.

I feel immature to admit this, it's almost like a school-girl's crush. Unrequited love or whatever, but despite my best efforts I can't seem to get my head and my heart to agree.

I feel as though I am betraying this colleague by re-starting anything with my husband, and I feel I am betraying my husband by re-starting anything while feeling this way about my colleague.

I am really torn and feeling rather foolish. Any insight into this muddle will be very much appreciated.

I think in every almost relationship this happens.. you have an awesome boyfriend.. then one day you realize you are starting to have a crush on someone else. It's just you have to decide who you love more. This will probably happen later in your life as well.. Do the pro's and con's I'm sure what your feeling towards the other man is just lust.. could you actually see yourself dating this guy, getting married, having kids? You just need to do a lot of thinking! Don't worry though this happens a lot its just what you do with these feelings that matter.

When we are confused, as to our feelings, then an honest self evaluation is necessary to see why we feel as we do, and set a course of action that gets us where we want to be.

Your job takes you away from any relationship, for long periods, and leaves you open to many outside influences. I would think its hard to be committed to anything, other than yourself most times, and everything else seems to be circumstantial.

As I see it, the right thing to do is resolve the one binding commitment you do have with your current husband before you can freely think of anything else.

At least have the good sense to end it, and avoid the misery, and pain and guilt, that comes with half-azzing a relationship, you don't feel you can give the hard work, and time, required to make it work.

Your torn and confused because its hard juggling two people at the same time, and not being into either fully enough to be fulfilled.

Handle the old business first, before jumping into new business. Thats fair to all!!.

Marriage means more than random feelings for outsiders. Barring any real abusiveness, you need to restore your marriage. That's part of what the marriage promise is.

You heart and your head are at odds because one is thinking and the other is just feeling... the thinking part needs to rule. The feeling part will always choose selfishly, the thinking part won't.

Use your head.

Tal's right. I have to spread more rep before I can agree.