Greetings all,

I am a 26 year old male. I served in the Army when I was younger. Earned my Bachelors almost 2 years ago, and will be finished with my Masters in May. I am now preparing to apply for my PhD for the Fall 2009 semester. As of right now, I have a decent computer job earning $45,000 - $50,000 a year. However, when I begin to o my PhD I will have to drop my full time status and work hourly for my company to compensate for the time I will be in class.

My issue is that I feel as if I am getting a little too old to still be living at home. I came home from the Army to help my mom out when my parents divorced, and kind of got stuck there to finish my education. I feel as if I should have moved out already because I see most people I know already on their own.

If I do go out on my own, I will not be able to support myself and do a PhD at the same time. If I do not do the PhD, I will still not be able to support myself because I will have to start paying back student loans that the military did not cover.

I just feel like I cannot meet a nice girl around my age while I am still at home. To put it simple, I feel like a loser sometimes by still living home. Please advise on how I can not feel that way.

I think you should be patting yourself on the back for your great accomplishments. I have a BA, and I certainly wish I would have gone to Grad, to get my Masters, and even farther, but I didn't go for almost the same reasons as you are contemplating, and I regret it. I think you should stick to it and get your PhD that is a huge achievement. A nice girl will realize you aren't going to be at home forever and they will be impressed by how smart you are! :-)

Hi, SpyBorg82!

I do like the very kind and heartfelt answer that you received above!

You have already accomplished quite a bit in your 26 years on this earth! Coming home to help you mom is a very admirable thing to do that would look good in the eyes of any woman who might be interested in you.

Why are you wanting to get a PhD, please?

Thanks!

Thank you for the responses

I am studying to get my PhD in American History. I want to be a college professor/historian. The thing is that I have a hard time saving money, and I feel as if I see other people my age already moving out and having their own place. I have a ex girlfriend who just put a down payment on her own condo. Sometimes I just feel inferior to certain people. As a result, this kind of makes me depressed.

Hi, Spyborg82!

Thanks for the response!

Again, what you have already accomplished is admirable! I would like to add that your goals toward the pursuits that you have are equally as admirable!

People achieve things at different rates of speed and according to the time and schedules that they have. Best not to be comparing oneself to others when you already know that you've "got your ducks in order".

You really do have your "ducks in order", SpyBorg82! Please don't be so hard on yourself because of your situation. I'm sure that you're going to be fine! You seem to make logical choices based upon reality, need and what is best for yourself and others.

Please realize that the choices that you make for yourself don't need to be compared to the choices that others make for themselves, unless the choices that you make will directly affect the choices that another person will make because of the choices that you have made.

You're really okay! But, I think that you're also really too hard on yourself. I have been the same way in the past...

Hopefully, we might be on at the same time sometime so that things could be "live".

Thanks!

Keep your eye on the dream. When it comes to girls you could always tell a small white lie that you are taking care of your mum after the divorce no need to mention dates. That goes down better with some people than you being still at home. Do what you have to do. It can be worked around. You have done so much already. Think about how much more attractive you will be to women when you have your dream fulfilled. The end justifies the means. Keep your eye on the ball.

Well to be honest living at home is not your problem, how you feel is your problem. The great thing about women is that they see potential, not actual situations. Get some goals, get some direction and get involved with everything. A woman will then see a man on the move, not a loser living at home. Living at home is fine if you deal with it in the right way.

How you feel about yourself will pretty much determine how others feel about you. As long as you feel like a loser I'm afraid you will be one. There are lots of ways to deal with this and you can have whatever you want really.

I have a website which might help, it's all about how to change self image and stuff.

Dream-Life-Coaching.com, Learn The Secrets Of Happiness, Success And Freedom (http://www.dream-life-coaching.com)

I hope you find it useful.

You are only 26 years old man be proud of yourself!

You have done a lot.

You will move out and you will do all these great things.. because you want to

It would be a very different story if you was 43 and still with your mom. And had no job and nothing to go for

Congrats!

I understand what you are going through simply because my younger son was going through the same thing. He had a bachelor's and a good job but no girlfriend. His company paid tuition so he earned three master's degrees that got him a fantastic job at a more stable company and an even bigger salary. He's 33 now and has joined the Christian church that gave him emotional and spiritual support when he needed it most. A few weeks ago he joined their very active singles group, so maybe I will be a grandmother before I die.

Hang in there, and get that Ph.D. When that day comes, you will still be younger than my son is now. He was always a late bloomer, walking at 18 months, for instance. He has matured into a fine young man, and it sounds like you have too.

My best wishes to you!

You are NOT a loser! By NO MEANS!

You live in your parents home in order to acquire a PHD, for goodness sakes.

It might be a little tricky dating a female and living in mommy's house, but can't you just hang out at her place? Or is SHE also living at her mom and dad's house? (What's good for the goose is good for the gander!) LMAO!

You need to keep on track... keep going w/ your education. You have been doing so well so far. Trust that you are doing the right thing. You are clear about what it will take in order to make ends meet. You're young... (honestly with the high divorce rate as it is... marriage can only thrive when your more mature and settled in your career. I think people get married to young as it is).

Sorry to bring up marriage. Dating a woman who can't see fit to support your brilliance is NUTS. You really are working hard at making something of yourself. One day you WILL have your PHD and then you'll move out and this will all be a distant silly memory. How can't the women you are dating NOW see that..

My nephew is 21 and he's working on his masters right now. He won't be moving out of his parents home till he's "done" and my brother, who father's him, supports that. Any girl that tries to bring my nephew down he simply just dumps! You should too!

Be strong in your convictions. A lot AND I MEAN A LOT of people live w/ their parents to try and get and finish their education. I'm so sorry that you feel all alone in that. You definitely are not alone, dude.

POWER TO THE EDUCATED... lmao! (Sorry, I'm getting silly. But really, you're just a guy that wants to get his education down without living in poverty and despair).

Good luck!

Thank you for all the support. To be honest, when I see my ex girlfriend, who recently ended the relationship, just buy a condo, it makes me feel inferior. I know this is about me coming to terms with things.

I am certainly not an expert, however I do have a few comments.

First of all, Be glad that you have goals and dreams to accomplish. I know that sounds silly but it is one of the reasons I broke up with my X. I am very ambitious and am getting a degree in finance, then plan to travel, and he is a truck driver making good money, and going no where. It is a blessing to have those ambitions and be able to accomplish them.

Secondly if you really want a place of your own, why don't you just rent something affordable for about 500-600 dollars a month all bills paid? Mabey even room with a friend and split bills. It would be a little extra expence but it would be yours? Is it because you are working?

Last but not least, it should not be a problem that you are staying at home. Obviosly that means you are family oriented ( I am twenty and moved out right before I turned 18 to " go to college" but I really had to get away from my mother), and you are only 26, and your not stuck there, its not like you live with your mom and just mooch and do nothing else.

Be proud of what you have done, and what you are doing! There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Is there are shed at your mum's place by any chance? I recently cleared out our shed (size of a double garage) and put some old furniture in there for my 18 year old son that's given him freedom he's never had before. I've been amazed at how many people can fit inside the shed and make themselves at home. He mostly eats and sleeps in the house so still has the benefits of living at home.

If there isn't a shed, then maybe you could think about building one. If that isn't possible, then possibly talk with your mum to let her know how you're feeling and ask if it's possible to find a new place where you could have a separate living space of your own. Given what you're planning to achieve with your career in the long run and the benefits she is receiving from having you stay with her, you might find she agrees.

Thank you for all the support. To be honest, when I see my ex girlfriend, who recently ended the relationship, just buy a condo, it makes me feel inferior. I know this is about me coming to terms with things.

Devils advocate here, when will she be finishing her masters degree and starting her PhD?
Ber

If I was a younger woman and out to get a good catch, you would be what I would be looking for. It only makes good sense that you are living at home while furthering your education. I think you are doing everything just right. It would be a whole different story if you were living at home because you were a slacker. But, you are far from that. You are carving out a very bright future. Keep up the good work.:D