Saw a lot of books in bkstore about cross dressing guys. Ann Landers used to write about it a few times every year before she quit writing. She said she did because she got so much mail about it and I think she usually answered no problem.

I checked book reviews on line and there are lots of great reviews with most readers saying like - no big deal I love him anyway, he's a wonderful husband, it's only at home, on and on.

Is this some really big thing that hasn't come out of the closet? Should I ask every new guy about it? Would they be honest? Is it OK like the readers say? Main question - what percent of guys fool around a little with this?

In my experience the percentage is 30+.

Should you ask the guy? That depends upon the relationship and the guy.

Some do it and feel guilty, others do it because they like how they feel, or they're curious. Do you feel guilty or good wearing jeans? Should you always wear a skirt?

What makes a man male? What makes a woman female? Most people would say that the penis is the defining attribute... Women have penises too, we just don't urinate through them.

I don't think any guy would worry about my jeans but I'm not sure about a guy in a slip. 30+! That means every 3rd guy we see.

I've only seen stats in passing, and its been a long time... I think a study some years back showed around 3% admitted to cross dressing. A greater percentage admitted to trying on women's clothes at some point.

Should it be a typical "screening" question for new dates? Uh... I doubt it. I guess if that's a make or break then maybe... but I cannot imagine my response if a new girl asked me out of the gate "so do you like to try on women's panties"... is that an invitation to take yours off? Is it baggage from a past relationship? Pretty out there...

Personally, id look stupid in women's clothing. You want to take your silk panties off and glide them over my body, fine.

Not here to judge right or wrong, just one guy saying I think the percentage of cross dressers is lower than 30%... but what do I know? I'm not looking in the panty drawers of my buddies.

In some ways, perhaps, why did they start making mens underwear in silk?

I don't know if I would go 30 percent but yes, it will be higher than many thing

KP: I guess make or break was a concern. I mean at 30 percent if I like a guy enough to invite him in and handed him a pair there's a 1 outa 3 chance he'll wear them home! Just wondered if other women knew that.

Not going to lose too much sleep cause it isn't an issue (yet). I'm still not sure how I'd feel about it. I'm usually pretty open minded.

I said that "in my experience" it was 30%. All the relationships and/or friendships there have been in my life, that's how often it comes up. Thirty percent may not be indicative of the general population, only those who have talked to me.

Guys tend to be very open with me. They describe masturbation cross-dressing and their most embarrassing moments after we have become acquainted. But then, I walk away from anyone who wants to have a conversation about a ball game, so, there you go.

I'd say 30% do on Halloween, other days, I'm not sure. I've personally never met a guy that likes to cross dress, or at least not that I knew of. :)

I know a few cross-dressing men. Some of whom pull off a better woman than I could. That guy.. I'm one of the few women whom have ever seen him as Him, not her... I think almost 15% of the men I know cross-dress at at least one point in their life. Even if its only because they wondered what was really that great about it.

Who would put on a bra, pantyhose, high heels and a skirt if they didn't have to? Talk about being uncomfortable! ;)

Ok then, Altenweg is right about walking down the street but for shades drawn in the bedroom Simone seems like she can get the truth out of them. I just don't want to go out with a guy who should really be going out with another guy!

So if it's near 30 then it's normal (or everybody's sick).

Thanks all, here's what I get out of it. If Mr. Right comes along and thinks that's fun, he won't believe how much fun when I get through with him. But support in r/ships is a 2 way street. If I like to play baseball or something, I hope he'll come cheer me on even if it's a new idea to him.

to start, please believe I'm just extending this open conversation, not trying to annoy or argue... talking about conflicting perspectives is how my perspective broadens, and I'm not stating my opinion until the other side "bends" to my side. Others teach me more than I teach myself y'know. =)

one person says "guys talk to me and ive seen more men who cross dress" and you run with that? Maybe preconceived notions about what you expected to hear?

what little I've read about it was very little and not recent... but books about guys dressing "normally" probably don't sell, y'know? Is our society more open to the subject? Sure. Does that mean more men interested in exploring this will do so? Probably. But everyone loves a controversy, and just because its out there doesn't mean its more the norm than not. Historically, by the way, there are more famous cross dressing women... women who donned men's clothing often to be able to walk in paths that were often denied to them.

but... I've a friend who married a wife beater, then a druggie, then a lazy snot, then finally a good man. She was a good woman, but her "picker" was broken big time. If her experiences were taken as the end all, be all, 25% of the male population would be unemployed, another quarter in jail, a fourth would be addicts, and the last quarter of the pie would be "good guys"... compare her life to any Springer episode and one might think, yeah... maybe that's how most live... when I'm not sure that's the case.

and I'm not saying my experience is any more valid than simoneaugie's (and I'm NOT comparing her life to a springer episode!)... she gives great advice and her experience isn't any less accurate then anothers. But don't just ignore those who say the percentage is less in their experience by assuming they just don't know how to "get guys to open up"... I think that's the assumption that set this diatribe of mine off. If you know alty at all, she's more than open to talk about sexuality with a welcoming ease.

search "cross dressing" here and you'll see just six posts in the last year here asked about men cross dressing... and one of those six is your post. Over 500 questions have been asked in adult sexuality since the start of June alone. There are probably a handful of other posts that aren't flagged with cross dressing in the text that might deal with it, but still... when compared to the volume of other questions that are asked here in adult sexuality, cross dressing is a subject that most certainly is in the minority.

is that because the men hide it? The women accept it? Don't know why itd be much different than porn... some women are fine with it, some aren't, and some of those who aren't seek help. Maybe there is a higher percentage than we believe and women accept it more than other issues... if a man looks at porn he's directing his interest and attention toward "another woman"... if he likes the feel of silk panties, is it easier to accept because its not about another woman? A reasonable argument I hadn't thought about...

but more questions come in day to day about other problems such as porn, lack of sex drive, lack of sex, etc... than cross dressing.

just food for thought.

as for what to do about it... well you answered your own question. Most couples are not a dead on match point for point when it comes to sexuality, so communication is key... and if the mismatches are too extreme, who cares what "normal" or "abnormal" is in the general population? You choose what's right for you.

Maybe it was something I was not 'expecting' but hoping to hear because it makes things simpler, but I guess things aren't always simple. Thanks for all the comments. I guess if superguy comes along I think I can deal with that easier than all kinds of other badies. Many of my friends thought they were good 'pickers' but found lots of trouble afterwards. Me too.

I remember this guy from years back wore my underwears because I dared him too but that about it. I've hear stories about women finding their man in women clothing, I guess to each be their own. Some cross dressers are honest about their fetish for wearing women clothes while others aren't and keep it hidden. I don't know how I would react from hearing the news or seeing it.

I just don't want to go out with a guy who should really be going out with another guy!


Cross dressing does not necessarily want to make you go out with a man, if you wear jeans does that make you a lesbian-come on .

-I think you got the terms gay and crossdresser confused.

Crossdressing is not about the comfort/discomfort necessarily, Altenweg. I think it is more about the "feel" of femininity, the contrast with masculinity, perhaps you caould call it a curiosity-a temporary gender "change" psychologiclly speaking.

I'd say it's less than 30% for full on crossdressing, but I'd say it's way more than that for the occasional try-out/one off...

Ok gay is out, that's good to have learned. I guess I still don't buy the 'girls wear jeans' thing. A girl in jeans don't stop a crowd, but a guy in a dress has to be different, and at home would a guy in a slip answer the door?

But I can see what you mean. Fem is fun, even for women. Lingerie is sexy, boxer shorts aren't. And a lot of guys might like to have fun with it. So like I tried to say, I think being supportive is really important. So please look at my orig post. I just wanted to know if I should run like heck or if this is a big time in the closet thing. The answer seems to be big time closet, but safe, and if you're comfy with it, help the guys out.

My scottish friends answer the door with a kilt on-they must be raving homos according to your "won't answer the door etc."

Society does not allow this to happen, but it is quite okay with women wearing traditionally "mens" clothing such as pantaloons. (just thought I'd use the old word haha)

One of our famous sports writers here in Australia admitted a few years ago that he crossdressed and you can guarantee that shook a few men to the core. However he has been married for years and does not consider himself bi sexual either.

Fem is definitely FUN!

If you have a tactile sensitivity, then silk or satin against the skin whether man or woman feels great.

I just wanted to know if I should run like heck or if this is a big time in the closet thing. The answer seems to be big time closet, but safe, and if you're comfy with it, help the guys out.

Sorry , but I still think you missed the mark-"in the closet?"

If you wear "boy leg' underwear are you in the closet lesbian???
this underwear was designed for women after menswear guru "Calvin Klein" popularised the concept of stretchy boxer-type underwear.

I remember this guy from years back wore my underwears because I dared him too but that about it. I've hear stories about women finding their man in women clothing, I guess to each be their own. Some cross dressers are honest about their fetish for wearing women clothes while others aren't and keep it hidden. I don't know how I would react from hearing the news or seeing it.


I kind of feel that this is unfair, if a man catches his Mrs. wearing his clothes society dictates that that is "okay/no problem/who cares/she's doing it for "comfort" reasons etc. etc."

Quite the opposite for the reverse situation as shown.

Men used to wear stockings/ powdered hair/wigs etc. in the 1700s, my how things change, now you are gay??

disagrees: that's not fair, I wasn't talking about a kilt

I know you weren't, I was trying to highlight the concept of what is considered "mens" clothing as opposed to "womens" cloting these are dictates imposed upon us by society and local customs as well as fads and fashions.

Thanks for the reddie-that helps.

Sorry Xrayman, if you're looking for a fight you've got the wrong girl. Unless you're from another planet, you know darn well that women can wear anything- suits, ties, you name it, and it's all 'man tailored' sometimes it's in style, sometimes it's not.

But it's NOT usual to see a guy in 'drag' at least not in my neighborhood. You made me look back over everything I wrote and I can't see what your problem is, but thanks for trying to help :)

Unless you're from another planet, you know darn well that women can wear anything- suits, ties, you name it, and it's all 'man tailored' sometimes it's in style, sometimes it's not.


What? For a start I am giving you an opposing view, that does not constitue a fight on my planet.

secondly-you are in total agreeance with my posts?? I said that (in essence) women can wear all types of "gender specific" clothing without raising and eyebrow-while men cannot-that is due to societys values, fads, fashion etc.

I was pointing out what you have just reiterated! That's right, a man cannot wear drag in the street-it is not "accepted" by our society.

However I said that you are mistaken to think that a crossdresser is the same as a person "in the closet". Which they are NOT.

please read correctly.

I was not looking for a fight.

I kind of feel that this is unfair, if a man catches his Mrs. wearing his clothes society dictates that that is "okay/no problem/who cares/she's doing it for "comfort" reasons etc. etc."

quite the opposite for the reverse situation as shown.

men used to wear stockings/ powdered hair/wigs etc. in the 1700s, my how things change, now you are gay???

When I wrote my post is was from an experience I had with a guy wearing my underwear based on a dare, never said he was gay or that he was gay. I know that cross dressing doesn't a guy gay it just assumptions that people make regaeding the matter but I am not one of them.

Secondly, I wasn't speaking for society, I was speaking the behalf of myself. I can't say how I would react if I find out my fiancé cross dresses, I don't know but I wouldn't think he was gay. That's all I stated in my post, I don' know what my reaction would be.

Also, a lot of men that cross dresses have a fetish for this. Where I live it's common to see guys in women clothing, meaning high heels, tights, shirts, etc. I see it a lot so I use to it but I don't know how I'd would react seeing my fiancé dressed like that.

Also, my favorite artist Prince wear high heels and spandex but I still love him and I don't think he's gay and even if he was I wouldn't care.

Oh brother, things get lost in translation too much here.

As I guy speaking I can't see why a guy would do it. But then its not something guys talk about in the locker room so who knows how many do. I know I'm not one of them. And can't seem to remember any girlfriends telling me about guys they knew that did.

However it's a harmless thing unless you go out like that. Hell, if you are fine with it then have some fun with it together...


Its just nothing I for one have any desire to do.

Here's an interesting clip from post 4 under 'Men's Health > weird guy'

"I assure you, he likely is straight. Gay men engage in drag more as a form of social recreation, pure entertainment. As both a complex homage to and light-hearted parody of femininity.

"Crossdressing is far more complex. People dress to different degrees and for widely differeng reasons. A crossdresser is typically a man who enjoys expressing his feminine side, though is likely often fairly turned off by the prospect of becoming a full-time woman. He likely enjoys his masculinity on some level, and may even revel in the fact of what is concealed beneath his garmnets. It's about the illusion. Crossdressers often have an almost compulsive need to dress occasionally, as a form of extreme relief, a release from the pressure of being forced to be a man in an aggressive, take charge sense. Typically, dressing itself is the pleasure, it is very tactile and image oriented. There is very often relatively little erotic pleasure gleaned from such rituals.

"This is where transvestites differ. Transvestism is entirely about the erotic pleasure derived. They tend to dress far less elaborately, often have little desire to pass as the opposite sex, and can be very fetishistic in their choice of clothing. Whether it be simply wearing panties under a business suit, or fixating upon a particular type of footwear (high heels, ballet boots, etc.)"

Just wanted to get back to Xrayman before maybe the thread closed. My using the word 'closet' was a mistake. I really meant something people did that they didn't talk about, but people do a lot of things in private they don't talk about like bedroom habits - and that's not being in any 'closet'.

As for Simone's 30% I still think she may be right, but I'm wondering where they all are. I don't see any guy posts like 'yes it's me here I am' or gal posts like 'yeah it was the spice that saved my marriage'. Like I thought we'd see 'I thought he was going to hit on his sec'y buy he tried my stuff and now he can't wait to come home and get into my drawers (literally)'.

Maybe those who do it are too embarrassed to say it. Well I thought I was going to ask a pretty simple first question on the forums but I was really surprised to find out where it went!

The time and effort everybody puts into their posts is really cool! Thanks

Wow... amazing thread... so little real knowledge. I happen to be a bit of an authority on this topic. Let's start... Drag queens are 95% gay men. Period. Crossdressers are 95% hetero men. The remaining 5% are either asexual, bisexual or gay. These statistics have been verified over and over by human sexuality and gender identity studies. Crossdressing is not a sexual issue it is one of gender identity. Some crossdressers go on to gender changing situations and sexual reassignment surgery so that they may physically become the gender they identify the most with. The percentage of CDs that go this way is unknown but the numbers appear to be increasing. Most CDs never get that far. Most are content to dress a little at home, remaining in the closet (so to speak)... some for fear of being discovered, some because they cannot complete the female illusion by being passable and some because their interest is limited. Others do go out in public and have honed their skills at being passable to the point that they ARE passable, or are so close to it that it doesn't matter to them if they are "READ". Mant crossdressers are otherwise very macho males who live with a very strong "female side" to their gender identity. Many are very happily married men with families. I know because I am one of the latter. I am an ex-welter weight boxer. (I won titles in Europe.) I am an ex-Army airborne ranger who has seen much combat action... and I am a crossdresser who is "passable". I am married to a beautiful lingerie model who accompanies me when I go out and we have a ball together. We go shopping, we go to dinner and to various conventions all the while I dress and pass as a woman.. . and we have a fantastic sex life too... so it's not about sexuality... it's about gender. 80% of my identity is macho male while 20% is decidedly feminine. I have been this way from birth and there is no change in sight... My wife tuned into me when we were dating and I confessed what made me different. It was difficult at first but as she gained more insight into what I was about, her acceptance level went through the roof. All of our children know about me as do her parents and my parents... Not all are happy about it but only because they do not understand it. Ignorance does breed fear... and people do fear what they don't understand.

Cool, sounds like you know a lot from personal experience and you were lucky to meet someone understanding and beautiful too. I don't think I would be comfortable going out with a guy making believe he was a girl. I guess my original question wasn't really clear. I was thinking of all these guys who grew up reading mens magazines where the sexy pictures all have lingerie in them, so a whole lot of those guys might try a little kinky fun, especially if they have some girl side like you. Guys joke about it a lot so I figured maybe there was more going on than people thought. So I said I thought if that's what sent him up to the ceiling, it might be fun. But this whole announcing to families and stuff is a little more than I think I'd want to get into.

So... per the op'ers request, I'm looking only at the OP ?

... what the hell? Why do you live with %s? Can't you make your own decision? Live with your own opinion?

Should you ask every new guy if he cross dresses??

Uhm... well, if you ask that of me on the first date I'm going to think you are a little "off center" and maybe "damaged goods"...

Doesn't mean it isn't a question worth asking. That's up to you.

But to me... if I were a single guy hearing that question... id think you might have some emotional baggage to handle that I didn't really need or want to deal with.

Not right or wrong. Just my first impression.

Maybe that part of my question was a little rhetorical. No, I don't really plan to ask it to everybody- and not like right after Hi my name is..

If you want a guy to wear your things, go ahead. But most guys aren't seriously into it as a major part of their lives, and it could be awkward to ask if it doesn't come up.

OK, I'm convinced.. no asking! By the way there was another letter in the Annie's Mailbox column related to the thread. A woman happily married for years with children and grandchildren is running to a counselor distraught cause her husband decided to finally reveal his hobby - in full drag. And the same answer - get counseling together and maybe come to a compromise! Hey, I can't figure it out - that's why I asked in the first place :)