My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years... our sex life is great. We like trying new things. We've had a few three-somes (with a girl I know) And we do watch some porn. We have always been so open with each other and sex has never been a problem. We even went and bought a few new movies a few weeks ago. What is now confusing me is... I came downstairs to bring him a smoke while he was listening to music on the computer. It was quite loud when I came in so I know he didn't hear me until I got downstairs. He was watching porn on the computer *which didn't bother me in the least* what bothered me was.. once he realized I was behind him he jumped, closed all the internet windows as quick as possible and wouldn't talk about it. He even goes so far as to clear all internet history. Losing some of my internet website information in the process.. lol. I tried to talk to him about it. Saying its OK. I don't care if he watches porn. But why did he feel like he needed to hide it from me considering we watch them together to begin with. Now maybe it's a slightly different kind of porn than the stuff we watch together. I can tell you for sure it is nothing illegal. I think it had trans gendered people in it or something.
Why would someone who is OK with watching porn with their woman feel so ashamed of watching it on their own. I know he is faithful. We love each other dearly. Its just weird feeling that he feels he needs to keep it from me. I am very open minded, open to trying tons of things...

One problem happens when a man(or woman) has disconnected his sexual urges from naturally occurring positive emotions, and has to rely solely on increasingly odd and perverted(whores stomping on kittens and puppies, for example) porn in order to get a sexual release.

He is ashamed that is why he is hiding what he is doing.

My guess is that he has found he has to increase the "wierdness" of his sexual activities in order to increase his excitement and have a more powerful ejaculation.

My husband and I watch porn together often but despite that, he would be very shy if I caught him watching it on his own. I can't explain it either. I think it's a personality thing. My husband is a shy person and I guess he feels he doesn't have to feel embarrassed about wanting to watch when he's with me but alone, he wouldn't feel comfortable. I don't know whether he does watch it when I'm not around, maybe the odd time but if I walked in on him watching it, I would probably pretend I didn't notice just so he doesn't feel uncomfortable about it. I really don't know what to tell you except that in my case, I don't worry about it (probably because I haven't caught him trying to hide watching it on his own). The same thing goes for him 'pleasing himself'. Despite the fact that there is no inhibitions in the bedroom, he would be very, very embarrassed if I caught him doing it (which he says he doesn't do, don't know why, he knows it wouldn't bother me). Anyway, here's a question for you, how do you approach him with questions regarding this? In my case, I'm sort of teasing him when I bring it up, it tends to make him less shy and more comfortable with the subject.

Maybe suggest to watch that kind of porn together, instead of him hiding it?

Some times men need some 'alone' time even if they are sexually satisfied with their parter. Men still masturbate even when they are in a serious relationship (and they could have sex almost anytime)

He does not masturbate tis the thing. He's never done it he says. As he always says "why would i need to do that when you do it so well for me" lol doesn't bother me if he did though... And with the weirdness factor thing. There's nothing about him and it that is wrong.. I have friends who have dated cross dressers and transgendered people. In my opinion nothing about sex is weird. Its unique about each person. Unless in that uniqueness they take it too far and it becomes something that is illegal.
He is a very shy person and sometimes it takes him a while to be willing to try new things or to talk about things in general. I'm a very open person when it comes to sexuality whereas he is not. Might that be why he doesn't want me seeing him looking it up on his own. I know its not the fact that I know he is watching. Might it be the whole embarrassed because he got caught in the act thing. Because he can willingly say Yea I was looking at porn. He seems a lot like dragonfly's husband in that aspect

binx44 -

Welcome to the forum...

Try to reserve "disagree" ratings for factually incorrect posts... or at least those with extremely off-the-mark answers. One comes to a public forum with an openness to varied opinions. Choux and I have disagreed many times over, but think twice before hitting the first person who took time to help you out with a disagree rating... it can make other members leary of trying to help you, knowing you might flag them without restraint.

It commonly happens with newer members. Just something to think about.

As for your original question... well... do you masturbate? Do you do it in front of him all the time? Many people would answer "yes" to the first question, and "no" to the second.

You seems more grounded and open than many... scour the threads here and you'll see post after post from women who are not OK with their partner watching porn of any sort. His response, to try to hide it, isn't all that surprising.

He likely IS embarrassed, as choux said, and he's acting to protect himself, and perhaps you.

Does it mean he's a lying liar who can't be trusted? no.

But you've discovered he likes porn and he most likely self stimulates without you.

If life in the bedroom is good, and you are OK with the idea he, like many men, like visual stimulation, then I don't think there's a big problem. If he's a giving lover and eager to please and also responsive to you, there's a solid connection.

If his drive seems lower, or life in the bedroom is lacking, you have some talking to do.

Short answer is not all women are OK with a man even looking at other women, clothed or not... so his reflex response isn't all that far of a reach.