Hi all.

Ive a confusing situation right now,I'm 35, he's 38

We were together 9 months, at first it was cool and fun and at 6 months I decided I was ready for more so had the talk about what I want. He came back the next day and told me he had thought about it and wanted the same, not now but as we got to know each other better.

For the next 2-3 months he told me how happy he was, we met each others families and became very involved, he talked about how he was not sure at first but the idea of having a little one like me was really something he would be happy about.He talked about moving intogether and eventually building a house. I was a bit pulled back myself at this stage as all these talks were coming fast!

Anyhow then he had work stress and at 9 months he pulled back a little ,then he told me he was not sure if we were both in love. I told him after my previous experience that its true I was a bit pulled back recently,he said he's not sure if he's in love , he does not feel strong vibrations. He told me he married a woman he was in love with, he does not know if he can marry someone he is not sure that he loves(hes divorced for 7 years now)

He said he wanted to be friends I said no, its either all or nothing, told him to take his things because otherwise he might not see them again. He was shocked and said he would get them again.

I went away on holidays , he kept contacting me, asked me out 3 weeks later and he kissed me and we had a great time, then we talked about the situation and about love.We left each other. And I reiterated I did not want to be just friends.

A week later I got a message ,and I replied asking if this was just friendship. He did not reply,
A week later another message saying hi.

Its been 2 months now since this whole thing happened, I've been working on moving on and planning travels etc, but he still contacts me every 4 days or so,he rang me 2 weeks ago , got my voicemail, he said he was thinking of me, I called back eventually , got his voicemail.

Ive now decided to stop replying to the crumbs.

Anyone have any idea what is going on in this guys head?

He is trying to stay close, but as to why who knows. Your right though, you don't need crumbs, or confusion, so keep busy with your own life, date others, and have fun. He obviously is not ready for what you want.

Thanks Talaniman,
Yeah I don't need any confusion,

Do you think I should just not reply to any messages or send brief ones?

Why??

Yeah I guess no contact is best, I have not replied to yesterdays message.

<Why?? >
My reasoning changes from time to time.Just in case he is uncertain and needs time to decide.

An update,

So I went about my merry way , I replied to a message he sent saying that I ned time and space and I'm foucussing on myself right now. And did just that, went on vacation , dates had lots of fun.

Anyhow he rang when I got back and we had a chat about holidays , etc, then he mentioned meeting up. I had to go then as I was going out.

The next week he called again and had a fun chat , he mentioned meeting again,same thing I was going out.

Last week he rang again and he wanted to meet Saturday night, I as busy so I told him Sunday,

Sunday (3 months since we last saw each other)he came to collect me and came in the door and said ' <insert pet name> I am back home.

We gave each other a hug and went for a drink and had lots of fun ,
Then I said I needed to go so he dropped me off and I blew him a kiss.

Ahum..

Thoughts? Taking it easy casually again slowly or just 'friends'??

Why put a label on it, just take it for what it is,


Went for a drink and had lots of fun ,


That's enough for now.

Yeap...
Will keep having fun and living my life.

You think I shoud continue to go out if he asks and if I'm not busy(of course;-p)?

So he rang last week, so we both talked to each others voicemails,

2 days ago had some fun messages over and back, he wants me to invite him out for a drink.I replied that I don't invite men for drinks ;-p so he said he will invite himself then.

Ive been out on some fun dates meanwhile so I'm not overly stuck on this guys intentions anymore,

We do have fun though, that is for sure.

Might meet again and see how things go and see if we can manage to communicate about it all in some way.

Have fun, and if he can't communicate, oh well to bad for him.

Glad your having a good time and using good common sense, and dealing with your feelings in a positive way.

Lot better that way.

Thanks Talaniman!
Exactly ,life is too short for ambivalence!
And I isn't got time to waste.

So beginning of January we had another date and we got back together,

I felt a bit pulled back and last week we had a great talk about the whole situation, he felt a bit pressured at 6 months when I had the talk with him and he was not ready.

I said that there was some miscommunication as I just wanted to see if he wanted the same things as I did in the future , I was not meaning right there and then! I said how I began to get freaked out when he was taking about it so much at that point in time as I was not ready either.

He said he needed the time to sort things out, and that was why he kept in touch during this time , and he said he came back when he was ready.

I told him that it was in fact the best thing that could have happened as I needed time as well ,that I was not really me when he knew me before, and he came back at the exact point I was ready and that I was ready to move on recently if that had not been the case.

So he thanked me for understanding where he was at,

He said I need to talk to him about my fears and always let him know how I feel.

So we said we will not talk about this again and put it behind us, and take it slow.

So things were going OK for the last few months and we were communicating good about what we needed etc.
He is pretty busy working and getting stuff organised that he is dealing with. A few weeks ago we had a conversation about this and he told me his feelings are up and down and he feels like getting away on vacation, so he went away for 2 weeks.

I haven't heard anything since 2 weeks and nor have I contacted him since he got back.

Im not sure what to make of all this?

Sure I'm busy etc and have my own life, I was away this weekend and had lots of fun, but I'm looking for someone who wants the same things as I do. I let him know that before he left as well.

"Thanks Talaniman!
exactly ,life is too short for ambivalence!
and i aint got time to waste."

Hmm, back to square one again.

Yeap..

Think I'm done with this one actually.No point going around in circles as you pointed out.

Thank you.