My husband and I just found out 2months ago that my husband has a 18month old child with another women. We have decided to stay together. My question is how do I except this child. And the mother keeps asking can she bring the abby to visit and I;m not okay with that at all. I'm not interested in meeting her or her child. And I am not sure I want to have for meet our 3kids.

Your husband cheated on you. You have decided to forgive him and stay with him.

The child did nothing wrong. But you can not accept him. You are denying the child the right to know his father and siblings.

I understand that this is difficult for you, but I think your anger is misdirected.

Mom32005, you cannot punish the infant for something your husband did. The child did not choose to be fathered by a man that was married, that was your husband's choice (to father this baby while married to you). You chose to forgive him, which means you accept his indiscretions.

Don't blame the innocent child, blame your husband. Personally I could never stay with a man that fathered a child while married to me. Been there done that and the child born out of wedlock is now 17. I love her to death, divorced her father my husband) but cannot hold her parenthood over her head.

Don't be angry with the child, the child did nothing wrong, your husband did.

You may have forgiven your husband, but you have not forgotten, nor will you for a long while. In the meantime be honest with yourself, and your husband, and just let all of them know your not ready for what they want, and need the time to deal with this.

I know others may not agree, and say accept the child as being innocent, and they would be right, but it is you who must be allowed to process these events, and get to a place to deal with this in a healthy manner.

Take your own time for this, and if counseling helps, don't hesitate. The child is innocent, but your husband and the other woman are not, and under no circumstances should they be allowed to push you in a corner, in the name of what they think is right.

Your husband may have obligations, but you do NOT, unless you want them.

I agree with this:
"Take your own time for this, and if counseling helps, don't hesitate. The child is innocent, but your husband and the other woman are not, and under no circumstances should they be allowed to push you in a corner, in the name of what they think is right."

If he wants to see the child let him see him, why do you have to?

I have two other issues for you. Obviously he did not use a condom. A baby now, AIDS next?

The other issue: child support. If you work and depending on the state you live in, they will calculate the household income for payment. It happened to a friend when she married a guy and then found out he had a child before getting together with her. She was so angry about that situation.

You need to understand that this baby needs the father, was there any doubt that this baby is his? If not, then you need to except this baby and that your husband is the father and that this is an extended family. Never punish the baby for your husbands doing. It seems like you decided to stay with your husband but without forgiveness. I would suggest counseling if none already, to help work through certain issues...

Consider a divorce if you can't handle your husband sleeping with another women whom bear his child.

The only reason you can't handle being around the child because it is a reminder of what he did and everyone will know. If you can't handle the child being at your house have you tried other arrangements, like at the park or an outing.

If you really feel you can't handle this like you thought then you have to make some tough decisions. Maybe somehow you thought the two families wouldn't meet each other.

I had to spread the rep Liz but yeah I agree your feelings are perfectly understandable. In all essence the child is an object of the betrayal committed against you. Nevertheless if you still accept your husband--in time you must accept the child. It's his child and your children are its siblings.

Hello this is mom32005 and I think some people might have misunderstood what I was saying. I do understand my husband having a relationship with his child, but what I feel is that he should go to visit her because I don't feel comftable with the child being at our home. And as far as him paying child support he has already started to do so. I know that the child should not be punnished for what the parents have done, but at the same time the mother new what she was getting herself into when she laid down with a married man. What I don't understand is why do me and my children have to be afected by this?

No matter what you do it will affect your children because it is their sibling. It would ease tension however, if you could allow them to develop their sibling bond

Your husband knew what he was doing we he lay down with her and had the affair with disregards to his family. Yes, she was wrong but he was more in the wrong because he's married to you and should've never allowed this to happen. Now look at the outcome and now a baby is involved.

Sooner or later the child is going meet the rest of it siblings.

I don't think you should keep your children from this child. He is their sibling. You should not let your anger with your husband stand in the way of their relationship.

Also, you are going to meet the woman and her child eventually. So why not do it now, on your terms and get it over with. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is a lot worse than the reality.

I know this is easier said than done. Lots of luck to you.

Whatever is it.. I think the children is a victim also.. Do not blame on the children.. very pity.. because the child don't know anything what's happening...

They were selfish in there pleasure, its time for you to be selfish for your sanity. They will get over it, in your time though, not theirs.

Hello, I thought I sent an answer but I will try this again. My husband and I have been married 12 years and are going through the same thing. I met my stepson and his mother for the fist time on Monday at support court. Her and I were pregnant at the same time and the kids are only a few days apart. Her and I have had words but I had to forgive her just so I could have my own peace. I was so hurt it was tormenting me day and night and I was holding my husband hostage to his mistake. I got tired and removed my claws and said I stayed so I have to make an effort or I was not going to be able to look at myself. I had to separate the child from the betrayal. I had to look at the child's picture over and over so when I saw him he would not be a reminder of my husbands betrayal, but his own little person. I had to pray for him everyday. My oldest would say he did not want to see the child but I found out he was just saying that so I would not be hurt. He truly desired to see him. My daughter who is the same age as the child got to meet him and they hugged and played for a little while. I expressed my feelings to my husband and the mother in the hall but I remained calm peaceful and a lady the whole time. I felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders that day. The mother apologized and we made arrangements to meet at a play area or mcdonalds and allow the children to play and that would give my husband and I time to interact with the child and then once we are all ready the child will come into our home. I thought what would family think. But I know once I bond with him the love will take place of the embarrassment. This child has the same blood as my children and my husband that I still love. So guess what these kids are our family. I would say take your time so that it is genuine. It is O.K. to go through your greiving process. You have made it this far, I know you will be just fine. I will keep you in prayer.

I think if you have really forgiven your husband you need to learn to accept the child. The child has a dad and needs him.

I always liked what Lilly Tomlin said about forgiveness: "Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past."

What's done is done.