This really has got to be the hardest thing I am ever going to write. You see, me and my dad don't trust each other very much. When it gets darker he cuts back my time, but I know he only does that because he worries about me. But the real problem is that he shouts at me, A lot, and it scares me so much that sometimes I pee myself, and then he shouts at me more because I can't stick up for myself and he wonders why. I want him to stop being so aggressive with me, he has never physically hurt me, but its leading up to tha. I don't know what to do and I am really scared.

Where is your mom?

My mum lives in cardiff

So they are not together? I see. Have your mom talk to him or try to write a letter to your dad, say a card for his b-day and obey him to avoid infuriating him. When you're 18 you will be moving out anyway. How old are you now?

Don't worry darling. Everything will be all right. I would at least talk to your mother and ask her what to do because I don't know how bad your father is because I haven't met him, but I'm sure that it can be terrible. My father is the same way towards me when it comes to yelling. He makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough and I hope your father doesn't act the same towards you, but it can become quite overwhelming. I'm asking you politely because I don't want it to turn into anything worse like hitting or throwing, I'm not saying that that is what will happen because I don't know you personally, but please talk to your mother or grandmother or some older relative about this and I'm sure everything will turn out for the better.
Try talking to your father about it too. He should understand and if he doesn't listen then just consult someone else and they will help you out. Everyone has problems with their parents sometime, but just don't wait for it to gets too terrible and then try and resolve the problem. Take a stand for yourself. I hope everything turns out for the better. :) I wish you the best of luck!

<3 kt

Don't worry darling. Everything will be alright. I would at least talk to your mother and ask her what to do because I don't know how bad your father is because I haven't met him, but I'm sure that it can be terrible. My father is the same way towards me when it comes to yelling. He makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough and I hope your father doesn't act the same towards you, but it can become quite overwhelming. I'm asking you politely because I don't want it to turn into anything worse like hitting or throwing, I'm not saying that that is what will happen because I don't know you personally, but please talk to your mother or grandmother or some older relative about this and I'm sure everything will turn out for the better.
Try talking to your father about it too. He should understand and if he doesn't listen then just consult someone else and they will help you out. Everyone has problems with their parents sometime, but just don't wait for it to gets too terrible and then try and resolve the problem. Take a stand for yourself. I hope everything turns out for the better. :) I wish you the best of luck!

<3 kt

This sounds a little worse than, "problems with your parents." And, him getting mad at her for not standing up for herself sounds like he WANTS to fight... Which isn't good.
____________________________________
For the OP,
I would like to now a little more about the situation though...
As in how abusive can he get? (Abuse can be done verbally too). Does he have anger problems? Before you can say, "Talk to the dad" I think we need to know the magnitude of the situation. If he is crazy, abusive, and gets mad easily, I don't know that I would suggest talking to him.

Is he a good father when he isn't mad?

How old are you now?

I'm 15 soon

Is he a good father when he isn't mad?

When he isn't mad at me, he is really really nice to me. He takes me horse riding and everything, but if I'm late back from horse riding he shouts at me because I don't let him know these things. And answering what you said before hand about how abusive is he, because I didn't understand something he got so mad that he pulled the hinges off the door and threw his computer screen at the wall, and then blamed me for getting him mad. He has one time pinned me up against the wall by my neck but never actually tried so strangle me and such. He always calls me stupid, pathetic, insecure, but I don't really take any notice of that. And I spoke to my mum about it, but because she lives in Wales its hard for her, and she worries about me because she doesn't know what my dad is doing and is worried for my safety because when she and my dad were together, my dad WOULD hit her and punch her because she wouldn't do as he wanted her to. And my nan who lives with us doesn't tell him anything. She is to scared to.

If you don't have the courage, (cuz it's overwhelming for some teens), to tell your dad that you are scared then you can consider talking to the guidance/school psychologist..

Most schools are equipped w/ some kind of therapy/guidance for teens... and it's set up for situations and cases much like this.

You do need help feeling safe.

You have to trust SOMEONE...

(Perhaps you can confide in an adult family member? Or a close family friend? They can help by discussing what you confided so you can get some help in opening "the lines of communication" between you and your dad).

When he isn't mad at me, he is really really nice to me. He takes me horse riding and everything, but if im late back from horse riding he shouts at me because i don't let him know these things. And answering what you said before hand about how abusive is he, because i didnt understand something he got so mad that he pulled the hinges off the door and threw his computer screen at the wall, and then blamed me for getting him mad. He has one time pinned me up against the wall by my neck but never actually tried so strangle me and such. He always calls me stupid, pathetic, insecure, but i don't really take any notice of that. And i spoke to my mum about it, but because she lives in Wales its hard for her, and she worries about me because she doesn't know what my dad is doing and is worried for my safety because when she and my dad were together, my dad WOULD hit her and punch her because she wouldn't do as he wanted her to. And my nan who lives with us doesn't tell him anything. She is to scared to.

He has hit people he "loved" before...
He has thrown things and broken things...
People who could help are too afraid to help...
He calls you hurtful names...
He puts the blame on you, even though you don't deserve it...

To be honest, he sounds like a monster. I see how he could be a good father when he isn't mad, but how often is he happy?

Would you by any chance know what the issue is with who gets custody of you? I don't understand how your father, who beat his wife, could get custody of you. Do you know anything about that?

I am in Canada, so I know nothing about English law. Maybe someone more knowledgeable on English law could help me here...

And people on this forum have advised you that when you are 18 you can move out... But I doubt you want to wait that long. This is a serious problem that needs to be solved now. If he has hit your mother, I don't know what would stop him from hitting you.

I found a few numbers you could call if you think it is necessary.


The following can be contacted through your telephone directory:
• Police
• Social Services
• Samaritans 0345 909090
• National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) in England, Wales and Northern Ireland Freephone 0800 800 500
• Children First 0131 337 8539
• Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC) 00 353 742 9744
• ChildLine 0800 1111
• Parentline 0808 800 2222

Don't forget, you can also talk to guidance counsellours at your school, if they are available. You could even just talk to your teacher.

For now, I think you should call your mom, and specifically ask for her help. Say that you don't like how your father treats you. Say that he is emotionally abusive (which he is). Then, ask her to help you. If she is a good mother, she will do anything it takes to get your out of there.

If your mom isn't willing to help and do what is necessary, it may be time to bring in the authorities.

Keep us updated on how you are doing,
And you have been very brave in this, and you are doing the right thing by asking for help.

[QUOTE=jrsg;1283814]He has hit people he "loved" before...
He has thrown things and broken things...
People who could help are too afraid to help...
He calls you hurtful names...
He puts the blame on you, even though you don't deserve it...

To be honest, he sounds like a monster. I see how he could be a good father when he isn't mad, but how often is he happy?

Would you by any chance know what the issue is with who gets custody of you? I don't understand how your father, who beat his wife, could get custody of you. Do you know anything about that? [QUOTE]

Yes I do know why I live with my dad. My mum and dadhave never been married before and I lived with my mum until I was 13, and she got a new job in Cardiff, but I refused to move so I'm living with my dad until my mum comes back home in about2 years time.

i refused to move so im living with my dad until my mum comes back home in about2 years time.

Would you consider moving to Cardiff now? Did you have strong reason for refusing to move there with your mother? Would you reconsider now? To be honest, I think you may be in danger with your father. How was life with your mother before this change in custody?

Would you consider moving to Cardiff now? Did you have strong reason for refusing to move there with your mother? Would you reconsider now? To be honest, I think you may be in danger with your father. How was life with your mother before this change in custody?

To be perfectly honest, I would never move to Cardiff with my mum, as much as I would love to to get away from my dad, but I refuse to leave my friends, also my mum smokes a lot, and when I was with her, I had to go to hospital because I stopped breathing, my lungs were clogged with smoke apparently which stopped me from breathing. So I don't want to leave my friends and my mum smokes too much, I would like to move with her, but I will not move if unless my life depended on it.

That's rough. I think we are afraid that your life may depend on it. I think you definitely need to talk to your mother. Hopefully, she will consider quitting smoking and possibly even coming back. But she might not be able to get another job easily. If she quit smoking so you could go back to living with her, would you consider leaving your friends? I know that's really hard, especially now when you need them, but it's a thought. I'm assuming you could make new friends in Cardiff. But I don't know your situation.

Also, is there another adult you could live with besides your parents--an aunt or with one of your friends? When my nephew was about 16, he moved in with the parents of one his friends after my sister got sick. He was able to finish school that way.

[QUOTE=asking;1284072] is there another adult you could live with besides your parents--an aunt or with one of your friends? [QUOTE]

I hve considered living with my 23 year old sister, she even aid is was fine o live with her and he wold love it if I did, becase she lives near my friends. But my dad wouldn't allow it.

If she quit smoking so you could go back to living with her, would you consider leaving your friends?

I agree with "asking",
Tell your mom how you feel, and ask her to quit smoking, or at least not smoke when you are around.

And you may just have to leave your friends... Your life may depend on it, or at least your quality of life. As "asking" said, you will make new friends in Cardiff, and life will probably be better there without your dad.

Which do you value more?
Your life, your well being and your happiness?
Or your friends?

IF your mom quits smoking, or agrees to not smoke around you (and in the house), I think your best bet would be to live with your mom.



Also, is there another adult you could live with besides your parents--an aunt or with one of your friends? When my nephew was about 16, he moved in with the parents of one his friends after my sister got sick. He was able to finish school that way.

This is also a great idea...
An aunt or uncle, or even one of your friends.
Someone who can care for you properly.

All very good advice...





BUT,
that question still remains.

Which do you value more?
Your life, your well being and your happiness?
Or your friends?

It is a tough choice to make, but I think in a situation like this, you need to make it. We are here to help you make it too. :)

Which do you value more?
Your life, your well being and your happiness?
Or your friends?


Without my friends I will have no life, my friends to me are my life

[QUOTE=asking;1284072]But my dad wouldn't allow it.

Too bad for him.

Talk to someone like the authorities and go to live with your sister.

What your dad is doing isn't legal, and he doesn't sound fit to be a father... You can have your sister get "custody" of you, and become your official guardian.

Your sister sounds like a perfect escape for you. Keep your friends, get the dad out of the picture. Take it. Tell her how you feel, and she should know more about what to do.

What your dad is doing isn't legal, and he doesn't sound fit to be a father... You can have your sister get "custody" of you, and become your offical gaurdian.

Your sister sounds like a perfect escape for you. Keep your friends, get the dad out of the picture. Take it. Tell her how you feel, and she should know more about what to do.

Yes. Your dad really sounds scary. I'm not just taking your side either. I think you need to get away from him as soon as possible. I do understand about keeping your friends. At this time, they are a lifeline and a source of support and stability that you are not getting at home.

I think your sister sounds like a good bet, assuming she's responsible and kind. Will your mother help you go live with your sister? At 23, your sister is old enough to be your guardian. Get your mother or another adult to help you figure out if this can work and how you can legally make the move.

Also, if by chance your father should strike you, immediately go to a nurse or doctor and report it and have them take pictures of any bruises and have them write down what happened. You may need to document his abuse. It is frustrating to me that you are so young and having to deal with this on your own. Let us know if you cannot find an adult willing to help you.

And don't forget to keep this numbers close by...



The following can be contacted through your telephone directory:
• Police
• Social Services
• Samaritans 0345 909090
• National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) in England, Wales and Northern Ireland Freephone 0800 800 500
• Children First 0131 337 8539
• Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC) 00 353 742 9744
• ChildLine 0800 1111
• Parentline 0808 800 2222

L I have just been agreeing to everything my dad says, and he is being to nice to me. I've never seen him so nice before, but I can't complai, because he hasn't shouted at me since. Also my mum is coming home early than expected so that's even better. Thanks for all of your help guys, I really appreciate it, if he does anything like that again ill be in contact with childline. :)

That's great news about your mum coming home soon. Your dad's being so nice now makes thing easier, but that's sometimes called the "honeymoon phase" and can quickly change. So try not to let him catch you off guard. Good luck!

I'm really happy for you! If anything comes up, or you have other questions, just ask away!

You've been really mature and smart through all this. And I think everything will go just fine! And good for you for keeping those numbers in mind. If you need them, they will help greatly. :)

Good luck,
And I hope everything stays for the best!

Yayyyyy, that's what we're here for...

So happy we could be of some help. Xo

To be perfectly honest, i would never move to Cardiff with my mum, as much as i would love to to get away from my dad, but i refuse to leave my friends, also my mum smokes alot, and when i was with her, i had to go to hospital because i stopped breathing, my lungs were clogged with smoke apparently which stopped me from breathing. So i don't want to leave my friends and my mum smokes to much, i would like to move with her, but i will not move if unless my life depended on it.

I'm sorry, but your life does depend on it-he will totally lose control and possibly kill you! You have to tell your ,other stop the friggin smokes and be a mother and look after ME! I'm sorry, but you need to know, HE IS OUT OF CONTROL-even your mother avoids him? HE needs to understand that this is not "fatherly love/behaviour" and you need to move out for your own protection. Two years before your mother returns?? I think you might as well forget about seeing her again, because frankly, I think you are EXTREME danger.

PLEASE get help/move away from him.

If at any time you feel unsafe in your home, you should tell someone, anyone, even if you don't want him to get in trouble tell a friend, just in case, that way if anything happens, they know what going on. Like you said, Im sure your dad loves you very much, he just seems to have a bad temper, try tellng him, I know it may not work but at least its an attempt. Please though for your own safety, if you feel threatened you have to tell somebody, ecause sometime people even though they love you lose their temper a little too badly, and it may get physical, if you can't find a friend to tell, try a school guidance counceler, as well there I a child help phone you can call, it can be anonomous. But somebody needs to know, If I were you though, id tell a guidance counselor, just in case, I wish you luck, And I hope everything gets better for you.

Quite honestly we all are alone in this world. Some of us are lucky to have parents that do have our back, but still we have to learn to take charge of our own choices and experiences, to some degree as much as we can.

You have the choice to tell SOMEONE to help protect yourself. You owe yourself.

If not YOU, then who?

Yesterday my Dad and I had a fight. We were both shouting at each other because he had cut back my time again and I am 15 so I should be allowed to stay out longer than he lets me to. But he got me really annoyed that I picked up my phone and I started walking towards the door so I could leave, he put his arm in the way so fast that I walked into his fist and he said 'That was your fault and you deserved it'. I then screamed in his face to let me past and he punched me in the face, I now have a black eye and he refused to let me leave the house. When my sister came round to take me away from him he and my nan wouldn't allow it because they both said that I was in the wrong for shouting at him back. My mum has moved closer to where we live but she still lives a long way a way. My sister, my mum, my auntie and a couple of my friends know what he has done. But I don't know what to do because I am refusing to move because I will not leave my friends nor the rest of my family even if my life depended on it.

He has anger problems. Someone preferably an adult needs to have a heart to heart talk with him about his problems and then he needs to get some professional help. It will not get better until he learns to deal with his anger. It there someone in his family that you could talk to and that could sit him down and have a real serious talk with him?

Rockchick, I'm so sorry your father hit you. It was obviously deliberate and he has no right to assault you. It was not your fault. Please go to a doctor right away and have them make a record of your black eye and tell them exactly what happened, as you told us. Go to the doctor (or a clinic) EVERY time he hits you.

Have you talked to anyone at school? Have you asked your sister to try to get legal custody of you? This situation is intolerable. You are old enough to say where you want to live. It is not okay and it is NOT worth your life to stay. It's quite possible you can stay in the same area as your friends without living with your father. Please, please look into the options. Even if your father does not kill you but only continues to hit you, this situation is extremely bad for you psychologically. You deserve better and your whole life will be better if you act now on to protect yourself from your father. Go for it! It's the most important thing in your life now, so make it a priority.

I have a question. Do you have a boyfriend and is he one of the friends you don't want to leave?

Also, how are you doing in school lately? Is your father's violence distracting you from doing your work?

Donn, I know of no evidence that anger management stops violent people from hitting their loved ones. Since the dad is experiencing no negative feedback on this, he is likely to feel justified and continue or escalate his assaults on his daughter. She needs to get adult help in going to live elsewhere--with her sister or some other safe haven.

When my sister came round to take me away from him he and my nan wouldnt allow it because they both said that i was in the wrong for shouting at him back. My mum has moved closer to where we live but she still lives a long way a way. My sister, my mum, my auntie and a couple of my friends know what he has done. But i don't know what to do because i am refusing to move because i will not leave my friends nor the rest of my family even if my life depended on it.

Who is your nan? Is that your father's mother?

If your sister, mum, and auntie are not helping you get out, approach a teacher or counselor at school. If they don't help, go higher to the head of the school. Got to a clinic for battered women--which is what you are now. Do this now while you still have the black eye.

have a question. Do you have a boyfriend and is he one of the friends you don't want to leave?

Also, how are you doing in school lately? Is your father's violence distracting you from doing your work?

Yes i do have a boyfriend. Yes he is one of the friends that i will not leave. I feel reall embarressed to say that, but i love him to much to let him go, and he knows what my dad has done to me/has been doing to me, and he is getting so annoyed that he has had to be restrained by his mates because he gotso angry with my dad that he wanted to go to my house and basically kill him (Not literally of course)
And no, my dad has not distracted me from my school work, i am doing extremely well in sciece and english at the moment.

You don't need to be embarrassed. I kind of guessed. It's understandable that you would lean on someone. It's a good thing as long as it's helping you. (But, yeah, you don't want a confrontation between him and your dad.)

And I'm so happy you are doing well in school despite everything. It's good for you now and will be good in the future, plus it gives you more credibility in standing up for yourself. Adults can't write you off as a slacker.

So, who can you get to help you find a safer place to live? Can you make a list with the pros and cons?

Sister?
Mother-- too far away
Friend's parents
Aunt?
Boyfriend's parents?
Anyone else?

I know I'm being pushy, but I'm concerned. :)

Well the problem is that my Nan and my Dad will not allow me to leave the house because I have already left my mum because she moved and I didn't want to, and they said to me that I can't keep switching back and forth because it is not right. =/

I understand they object, but at your age that isn't the final word. So, you made a mistake in going to live with your father. That doesn't mean you can't change your mind. Enlist the help of other adults. Is no one in your life willing to stand up to him?

You shouldn't have to spend the next several years being hit by your father. It's not right.

And if no one in your family can see that, find a stranger--a school counselor, a battered women's shelter worker, or a doctor. Did you go to a nurse or doctor with your black eye?

Well if I am being honest I don't see the point in asking for help because no one in my family will stand up to him because he beat my mum when they were together which is why she left him. And no I didn't go to a nurse about my eye, I didn't see the point

Hey... the point is to make a documented report so if things keep happening they can show that this has been a pattern. Especially helpful if you are trying to get out of the house.
If you don't believe that any of these people will help you... do this. When you go to school have your sister pick you up afterwards and take you to the police station. File a report and say that you would like to move into your sisters home as you feel you are in danger at your home. They can help you make a legal move. And do this soon as you still have the black eye. Or at least take a picture of it with your camara so you can take it with you but it is better to go while you still have it.

Also... I know you moved out of your mom's house but did she have full custody of you? I personnally wouldn't have allowed you to move in with your father based on the background but she was trying to make you happy. Did she actually transfer custody to your father or does she still have "custody" of you? If she still has full custody of you then your mother is the one who can say if you can move again or not. She could take you out of his house and place you at your sisters. Look into this hun.
Please don't just ignore this... it will get worse. It got bad enough with your mom to break up a marriage. It will get worse for you. Next time he might break a bone or knock you out.
I hope you take a stand and pursue moving to your sisters more so then just asking your dad if you can go. It is going to take more then that. In the meantime don't argue. Even if what he is telling you isn't fair just accept it and use it as motivation to move out. And anyway he has the right to make rules for you whether anyone else agrees with him or think they are fair. So just get yourself out of that situation.
Good luck and I hope things work out and you get out of there soon!

Kraussnumber2 is giving good advice.