I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years and I love her, but after a hard days work I want to rest my head on my pillow and feel the warmth of my lover next to me and she isn't there because she goes to school too many miles away. Im in a committed relationship, but I was as lonely as I have ever been. So I hit on a girl a couple of months ago and I got her number. It was supposed to be a fling, but it became more... for the first time in a long time I wasn't lonely. But now my girlfriend and I are moving in together and I'm scared because I have falling in love with my mistress and don't know who to choose... old love or new love... they both have pluses and minuses, but I feel like a better me when I'm with my mistress. Should I give my current girlfriend a shot with day to day life or not even risk losing my new girl? It's one or the other I won't string them both along for much longer... HELP ME! Please...

Im in a committed relationship

If this were true you wouldn't have cheated.


I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years and I love her

Once again, if it were true, well, you wouldn't have cheated.


she isn't there because she goes to school too many miles away

Is that her fault? She's getting an education, making something of herself. If you can't keep your pants zipped because she's too far away, then what makes you think you can when she's right beside you?


I feel like a better me when I'm with my mistress

No one but you can make you better.


should I give my current girlfriend a shot with day to day life or not even risk losing my new girl?

Give her a shot? She's giving you a shot. You're the one who cheated.

Okay, my advice, easy, tell your girlfriend you cheated, I'm willing to bet she'll make the choice for you.

Good luck.

Wow, you disgust me.

Have some decency and tell your girlfriend the truth.

Tell your orig'l girlfriend the truth. Since you are not equipped or willing to put in the necessary effort to maintain a true committed relationship, it's unlikely you will be able to properly salvage that union & you'll likely end up with the one that you're cheating with at least for a while. That will solve your immediate problems as you see it since she may decide you're not worth the effort to stay with. In reality, you're unsuited for any relationship with your current outlook & attitudes.

Does the girlfriend you've been using to keep you from being lonely know about your long distance girlfriend or have you been lying to her too?

Your orig'l girlfriend deserves much better & the sooner she realizes that, the better for all. The least you can do is let her know what you've been doing, if you truly care about her at all before she wastes any more of her life counting on someone to be there for her that can't handle honestly a commitment they voluntarily got into.

May I get an adult's answer... im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

I am completely agreed with 'Altenweg'. Excellent answer. Bro! You need to choose one... this is your lust that is driving you crazy for both. You don't love either of them. Make your choice today and learn to love not lust...

May I get an adult's answer... im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

Not a surprising response from you. Being childish instead of handling relationships in a responsible, LOVING, HONEST way is why you are in the position you are in.

Pouting at the responses you're getting pointing out the obvious that you are at this point a lying cheater, is only confiirming further why you're unsuitable as a partner for anyone for now. If you don't get some help in working out your issues, your chances for being a good partner to anyone worthwhile will stay nill.



Long relationship drives me to cheat


As much as you would love to believe that is true, it's just the lie you are telling yourself to justify a crappy choice on your part. No one & nothing drove you to cheat, it's just the crappy selfish choice you made for yourself because you wanted to & could get away with it. Acknowledging that would be the first step you need to take. Telling your girlfriend the whole unvarnished truth is the second.

May I get an adult's answer ...im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

Your not going to get people on here condoning what you are doing if that's what you thought. People on here will tell you what you should do and not what you want to hear to justify your actions.

You asked a question and have so far got HONEST answers.

Sometimes you can't help how you feel , BUT you can decide on the actions you take.

This particular adult usually writes long, thoughtful essays on topics of right and wrong and responsibility and personal success.

This particular adult isn't going to spend any time on your situation. But I will say a prayer tonight for both of the girls you're deceiving.

Your parents (also adults) must be mighty proud.

So apparently everyone on this thing is perfect and never made a decision that made things worse... im not asking for judgement I'm asking for advice... hence I want an adult answer.

Yeah sure I'm a cheating douche bag that should go to hell, but that isn't my dilemma. So please someone with some experience in this situation please give me some good advice and don't judge my actions.

You don't deserve your girlfriend. Does the other girl know about your "committed" relationship?

I suggest you choose one dude, unless you want to be a player, but in the end karma will catch up to you if you play them, I should know I've been in your shoes before and regretted it. I lost both of them and il never forget it.

So apparently everyone on this thing is perfect and never made a decision that made things worse....im not asking for judgement im asking for advice...hence i want an adult answer.

yeah sure im a cheating douche bag that should go to hell, but that isnt my dilemma. so please someone with some experience in this situation please give me some good advice and dont judge my actions.

You are very naïve. We judge not because of race, color, sex, orientation, ethnicity etc. We judge on actions. Look at big corporations.. you think they want to hire someone whose got DUIs on their driving record, felonies on their crime reports..

As for giving good advise, you already have the answer. Stop being a little girl and grow up.
You cheated. You need to fess up.

You don't? Fine, just see how you feel when your mistress cheats on you with 10 other guys.

For one thing, we'd like an adult answer to does the new girlfriend know about the preexisting one?

To answer your question you need to leave both of them alone. Relationships are hard work and even harder when it is long distance. I was in one and is still in one, and there might be times you get lonely, that's human nature, but it doesn't mean you should go out and cheat and have an ongoing affair. Would you like it if your girlfriend or accept it if your girlfriend had an ongoing affair with someone.

Now you love them both and is due to live with your girlfriend. I think you confess to your gi rlfriend and let her decide if she stays or not because she deserves to know the true. You at least owe her that.

May I get an adult's answer... im tired of children speaking at the big boys table
You have a lot of growing to do, before you can understand what adults are trying to tell you. Especially since you can't see the harm you may cause to others, from your selfish actions.

The adult thing to do is, to be honest with yourself and learn something about you, and be honest with the females you are deceiving, and be willing to take responsibility for your actions.

That's what a REAL Man does when he makes a mistake, so the rest is up to you.
Are you man or boy? Which table will you sit at?

I'm glad you take advice so well. Tell your present girlfriend about your inability to keep it in your pants and let her decide IF she should give you a shot with day to day life. Personally, she deserves better than someone who will cheat on her while she is bettering her life. You made the choice to date her while she was going to school, knowing it would be long distance. Why not stop being a little boy who's crying because they bed side was cold for a little while and be a grown up and tell her how much of an a-hole you've been

So apparently everyone on this thing is perfect and never made a decision that made things worse....im not asking for judgement im asking for advice...hence i want an adult answer.

yeah sure im a cheating douche bag that should go to hell, but that isnt my dilemma. so please someone with some experience in this situation please give me some good advice and dont judge my actions.

I'm 37 years old, adult enough for you?

You want advice, you got advice, take it, leave it, whatever. You want the truth, you got the truth, and yes, the truth hurts.

When I was young and stupid I dated two guys at the same time, neither one knew about the other, and both relationships were physical. Well, push came to shove one day, because I missed a period, thought I might be pregnant, but had no idea which guy may have fathered the child. At that moment I felt lower than I ever had in my life. I pictured myself on a talk show taking DNA tests to determine who the baby's father was.

I fessed up, to both of them, and they both walked away. I can't blame them, I made a mistake. Luckily it was a false alarm, stress, nerves, but no baby. I realized that I wouldn't have cheated on either one of them if I actually cared about them.

So, be an adult, accept the truth we've all told you. Yes, you made a mistake, a huge one, and as an adult you have to own up to that mistake.

You don't deserve your girlfriend, she was faithful, loving, bettering herself, you were screwing around with another women. Fess up, I'm very sure she'll make the decsion for you.

If you can't hear the adult advice in what we're saying, perhaps it's because you are still a child.

Good luck.

You can't get better advice than Altenweg just gave, and you best listen.

May I get an adult's answer ...im tired of children speaking at the big boys table


You call yourself a "big boy" ? Oh the irony.

Aren't you the one making childish decisions?

Face your mistakes and confess.

You want an adult answer? You don't deserve either of them. How could you sit there knowing what you did and still speak to your original girlfriend with no remorse. If you truly loved her you would have told her when it happened, you would have told her how you felt. Instead you have been lying to her and keeping it a secert until now its time to piss or get off the pot. You can wait for one of them to find out or you can fess up and hope one of them will still be with you. But to be honest I think you ruined chances of either working out for you.

Ok ok ok. Here's my advice..

Take a time off from both of them then evaluate yourself "Who do you really want". Be honest when you come up with an answer: to both of them!

Ok ok ok. Here's my advice..

Take a time off from both of them then evaluate yourself "Who do you really want". Be honest when you come up with an answer: to both of them!

He doesn't deserve either of them at this point, in my opinion.

He doesn't deserve either of them at this point, in my opinion.

Had to spread the Rep 411Help but I agree!!

The new girlfriend knew about the old one from the first date. I broke up with the new girl friend and haven't talked to her in a while, but I still think of her often. I hope that will pass. I haven't told the old girlfriend and trust me I know... childish, she deserves better, little boy all that, but I can't do it... like altenweg said, she had to when she thought she was pregnant, when her hand was forced. Right now my hand is forced to stay quiet.

It's not forced to stay quiet, that's a choice.

If you take anything I have to say to heart, take this. The truth always comes out, always, especially a big secret like this. It's better if it comes out from you, not someone else or accidentally.

If you care about this girl, which you obviously do, then she deserves the truth. She may surprise you, she might forgive you and move on, she might not, but she deserves the choice.

Can you live with this lie? Can you look her in the face every day and lie? How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you want to know the truth, no matter how much it hurts?

Do the right thing, the manly thing.

Good luck.

I need to agree with everybody opinion...
I'm living your girlfriend side of the story... I was in a LDR for a year and a half, and two months ago we finally got together again, move in together and we got engaged! He proposed to me and I love him dearly and truly and of course I wanted to spend my life with that man.

But, lie has short legs... it comes slowly but surely... so last week I discovered that he cheated on me right after we got separated. He have been together just for 3 months before our separation, and in that time we agree to be honest to each other and not have other relationships. But then, he was already in contact with a woman with whom he had had some sex before and that lives in the place he moves too.

As soon as he arrived there, he cheated on me, and I just discovered now. He says that it ended up soon, etc, etc, etc... but my trust is broken. I still love him, and we may be able to stay together if someday he can rebuild the trust I once had, but engagement, house, etc, all that is over. The worst for me was the lying, since we always talk open about it, I even gave him the opportunity to tell me of any affairs without risk our relationship. But he denied it, and it happened.

So I bet it is better for you to be honest. She may be able to deal with it, stay with you, and you guys can move on for a better relationship. She may break up with you, and then you both can take care of your lives. You need to be honest. Better for her to know it now (and you) than after you have a common life, bank account and kids... just imagine. If you love her, you need to give her this choice.

PS> We both are 30... not a child opinion at all.

Hi I can't offer you advice because I am a woman in the same situation.
I know that I made a bad choice and ill pay for that
And a lot of people will juge me
But I know that I don't think I would change it, I have had the time of my life!!
I have not figured out my situation yet but I want
You to know that you are not alone and everyone
Messes up, it helps us grow.
It might sound lame and a bunch of people will not agree
But honestly if you have not been in the situation you Don't
Know how it feels.
Good luck I hope everything works out for you!!
I understand how you feel right now!

Adult speaking here... they always say when you cheat if you tell it's to clear your own conscious of your guilt and you'll just hurt her by telling her but after 4 yrs and the fact that you're soon going to live with her what should you do? You're not ready to live with a woman when you get lonely and cheat.
You don't need to tell her; why hurt her? Just tell her you aren't ready to live together; that you're having 2nd thoughts and would like to wait awhile longer... In that time, end it w/the mistress and stick with your heart not your loins and loneliness.
You already know your faults, no judgements here... just fix your problem and grow from it... and don't repeat it.
Reverse the role; how'd you feel if she was also doing that?
TRUST is a very big issue... if you've got it now keep it and right your wrong not by telling her but by fixing it and in doing so you'll also fix yourself and surprise yourself. Anyone can go out at any point and find a mistress; that's not the key of life... love is.