Hi Everyone! This is my story...

I met this wonderful man four years ago and we started dating. We were inseparable. We were perfect for each other. Until two years later when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Being the only child, it was my responsibility to move back home to take care of her. I moved to a different state. He stayed by my side. He supported me with the move. A couple of months prior to moving, he changed. He hasn't touched me. I became insecure. He did say it was him, then it was my weight, then he just doesn't know what's wrong with him. I accepted the situation as I know deep inside me I want to be with him. Then I moved. Our communication was not that great but we were "okay". We talked 5minutes here and there throughout the day. I wasn't satisfied. I wanted to have at least just an hour of his time to talk to him. Just to see how his day was going, etc. But when I tried to tell him, it always end in a fighting. I accepted and tried to understand. A year passed, we would only see each other a few times a year and yet when we see each other he still doesn't want me (sexually). He doesn't even try, not even to make out. I thought it was my weight but after a year of moving I lost 30lbs just for him just to have my old body back. BUT it wasn't it. Until now I don't know what it is. It has been two and a half years since he last touched me.

A year ago, a met a guy. A total opposite of my boyfriend. He was there for me. He talked to me when I needed someone. He comforted me when I was down. He knew about my boyfriend. He didn't mind. He knew what he was getting into. I tried to tell him I couldn't do this to my boyfriend but he stayed and persisted. With the broken heart I let him. He became my new world in this new state. He showed me all the love & care a man can possibly give. He's a good man and I don't want to hurt him anymore. I ended it. I didn't make any promises to him but I know I hurt his feelings. Now with my own selfishness I must admit I want him back. I want to smile again. I know I need to let him go. He deserves much better than this. He's a great guy. But why is it so hard?

It's bad enough that I have cheated. Now, If I keep this guy I'll be taking away his freedom to have that chance to be with someone that can give the love that he deserves. I know this site mostly focuses on someone who had their heart broken by their significant other. Now I am that "significant other" that broke a man's heart and about to break her boyfriend's heart. Being on this side sucks, it's full pain. I can't even look at myself. I am disgusted by all the things that I've done. No self worth at all. Now, how can a person recover from this? I just want to put myself in a box and to be locked forever. HELP!

You broke the heart of what boyfriend? It sounds like the first guy had moved away from you emotionally. I don't consider him your boyfriend. Cheating on him? I don't think so. And then you dumped a guy who gave you a new reason for happiness? Is the second guy still hanging around in the shadows and still interested? If so, get him back!! * (And stop focusing on yourself so much!)

*Or don't you want him any longer?

He is still around. As much as I want to ask him back, I am scared to hurt him again. See my boyfriend and I have been together for four years. Everyone sees us as the perfect couple. Our family are close. I don't want to disappoint them. My boyfriend already asked my dad for him to propose. It just a matter of time. I don't want to ask that "special guy" to stick around since I'm not so sure if I can disappoint my family and my boyfriend.

You want the b/f back?? Why?? He didn't keep his end up, so what does he expect?? Leave him out of your life, as I can't believe you would go back to the way things were. Maybe you should have officially dumped him, but that relationship died a long time ago.

Does it make sense to go back to misery, when you can be happy?? Doesn't make sense to me, so forgive yourself, and have a happy life.

Your boyfriend has showed you physically that he doesn't want to be with you, so just accept it and move on.

Concerning the other guy who is treating you the way you want to be treated (GOOD).
He knew what he was getting into because you were honest with him up front.So if he still want to be with you,let him be with you.

Thank you for all of your insights. I actually didn't realize it that my boyfriend had started all of this. I guess I focused on myself too much. Blamed myself for all the wrong actions. Didn't realize the reasons I had cheated on him the first place. I don't even know if he's been cheating on me. Thank you all. I just pray that I do have the encourage to break it off and let all my family know. Family plays a big part. I just don't want to disappoint them.

Forget the guy you cheated on. Even if you got back together then there would be sooo many problems.. (from one of the quotes I posted before) “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

I actually didn't realize it that my boyfriend had started all of this.

Your boyfriend didn't make you cheat nor did that relationship, that was your choice. From what you said, it wasn't a good relationship for either of you but that doesn't make the choice to cheat a good one. If your solution to being in a crappy relationship is to cheat, what's going to happen when Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect anynmore, cheat again??

All new relationships seem perfect so you being mesmerized by the new guy isn't a surprise & this guy didn't respect the fact that you had a boyfriend. That could be a red flag that he won't be any better at honoring a commitment to you if you do dump boyfriend. You thought your boyfriend was perfect at the start too & look at how that turned out.

I'm not saying you need to stay with the boyfriend, I'm saying you need to stop what you're doing with both of them & figure out appropriately how you got into the mess you've created in your choices of relationships so far. The first step is accepting responsibility for your own choices, good & bad, & figuring out better ways to deal with relationship issues than merely finding a replacement that makes you feel better, that isn't a strategy that will be good for you short or long term.

Whatever your boyfriend did, it didn't cause you to lie. You did that in order to make things "easier" for you at least short term & be able to get away with having fun with someone else while he thought you were being faithful. That's wrong. All its done is create a lot more problems & issues you didn't need to deal with. Now you have to face reality anyway & have even more problems to face. Being honest from the get go would have been a much better strategy for you & one that would have kept your integrity intact.

Thank you BetrayalBtCamp.. You are right. It was all my choice and my decisions. I chose to put myself first before any of these guys. I chose to be selfish. I have regretted everything and want to do the right thing. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. This is hard and I learned in a hard way. I just don't know where to start as each day seems to get darker and darker. Thank you...

You obviously have been through a lot, it's so hard to lose a loving parent & cancer is a terrible disease to see a loved one suffer with. It's certainly understandable that would have contributed to you being vulnerable to anything that would lessen the anguish of such a great loss by being a distraction from your pain.

You are acknowledging that things have gotten out of control, that's a giant step in the right direction. The next is deciding what you need to do about the men in your life. Obviously, your boyfriend let you know when you needed him most, that's also a terrible realization to have to live with. His treating you so casually doesn't indicate that you matter to him the way you should. Yet you say he was perfect for you at the start. Can you think of any reasons he would have changed so dramatically? Do you know anything about his previous relationships, has he had any good longer term ones? Could he have found someone else?

As to the boyfriend, jumping into the fire from the frying pan usually doesn't work out well, distancing yourself from him may help you get a clearer perspective on where you want to go from here. There are a lot of good support groups & materials that can help you figure out what you need / want in your life. It may be that you still have a lot of mourning & grief to work through from your mother's death, that may be the best place to start?

And if your boyfriend isn't willing / able to be there for you, it seems that ending that would be best for you. How much contact & intimacy have you guys been sharing? It takes two to have any sort of great relationship & if he's not capable or willing to put any effort into that, nothing you do will be able to make that happen in a good way for either of you.

Hang in there!