We have been together for a year in what I thought was a great relationship. We had our first fight and I said some hurtful things and have said I was very sorry , told her I love her and suggested we talk about the things that caused this argument. At first she agreed and everything seemed to be OK. I did not see her for a day and when we got together she told me she needs some time away , two months of space ,she says she still loves me but needs to be alone for now. I told her" how are we going to resolve the issues we have if we don' talk about them" , but her mind was made up. MY QUESTIONS ARE; How does being alone without talking help? I think ,for now,I will give her this space but how long do I wait for some communication? Should I call her after a month to see how she feels about US. During our last conversation I told her I love her but that I did not know where I would be in two months.

Treat a break just like a break up. She doesn't want contact for 2 months, then respect her wishes and don't talk to her for 2 months. Let her make contact first and then you decide at that time if you wish to pick up. I wouldn't want to be left in limbo for 2 months I know that. I would be walking in an opposite direction, I don't put my life on hold for anyone

MY QUESTIONS ARE;


How does being alone without talking help?
IT DOESN'T, BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. YOU REALLY PIZZED HER OFF, DIDN'T YOU? OR SHE WAS PO'D AT YOU OVER OTHER THINGS, AND THIS WAS THE LAST STRAW.

for now,I will give her this space but how long do I wait for some communication?
NOT ONE MINUTE, AS YOU HAVE BEEN DUMPED, SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY CONTACT, BECAUSE FOR WHATEVER REASON, SHE IS NOT HAPPY WITH YOU AT ALL, BUT SHE IS TAKING THIS AS A WAY TO GET RID OF YOU.


Should I call her after a month to see how she feels about US.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

During our last conversation I told her I love her but that I did not know where I would be in two months.
SHE KNOWS THAT, THATS HER POINT, SO TAKE THE HINT, AND KEEP YOUR DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT, BY DISAPPEARING FROM HER LIFE, AND REBUILD YOUR OWN.

Sorry for your loss.

We have been together for a year in what I thought was a great relationship. We had our first fight and I said some hurtful things and have said I was very sorry , told her I love her and suggested we talk about the things that caused this argument. At first she agreed and everything seemed to be OK. I did not see her for a day and when we got together she told me she needs some time away , two months of space ,she says she still loves me but needs to be alone for now. I told her" how are we going to resolve the issues we have if we don' talk about them" , but her mind was made up. MY QUESTIONS ARE; How does being alone without talking help? I think ,for now,I will give her this space but how long do I wait for some communication? Should I call her after a month to see how she feels about US. During our last conversation I told her I love her but that I did not know where I would be in two months.
Look. If you cannot await one month without being certain your love for her will grow stronger then I'm rather certain your love is rather weak. And probably, what she wants to do is the same, i.e. try her own love for you and find out how strong it is while, at the same time, finding out whether yours is as strong as you claim.

Tend to agree with talaniman ,she was very pissed off .This is all still very new it's only been a few days I will move on in time. I guess I was given (to coin an old phrase) "the soft shoe" it would be so much better if she said it's over in plain words, like f--k off ,don't bother me anymore. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS

The break isn't about her working things out. It's about peace. She has no peace from you nor with you. And apparently the dynamic of your relationship includes her being in the driver's seat. How did that happen?

I would not get angry, nor take her words at face value either.

"I'm sorry you aren't as sure about us as I have been. I think that's answer enough. I hope you have a good life. Take care of yourself. Goodbye."

That should set you on the right course.

Looks like she's not willing to go out of her way for you, so why do the same for her?

You already don't know how you will feel about her in two months, so why wait around?

Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it's also very rough at first. Like others say, don't wait around for her... if you do, you'll just be let down.

Whatever you say Billy Jet. Time is a "great healer" or so they say!

Do not put yourself in that limbo. It will tear you apart everyday your there. Instead of wallowing get out and do something. I can't tell you how much better you will feel after a laugh with some friends or just talking. It won't cure the hurt, but it's a start. In time the hurt will go away. But start with friends again for god shake do not sit in limbo.

Wikedjuggalo, your words are wise, by Jove! Hope Billy Jet will follow that piece of sound advice.
Nothing like a good laugh to cure some "sentimental" diseases...

Thank you all,I am so much better then I was 3 days ago. I love the NC rule .I'm seeing my friends and family and keeping busy thank god for them.Feeling good about myself again thanks to this site and your comments.

I read Jai's story and can identify with a lot of it, accept my girl was never interested in another guy . I thought we were totally committed to each other and overlooked her insecurities and her being jealous of my daily contact with my 2 daughters, I tried to assure her that my love for my daughters was different than my love for her and that it was all good. She needed to be constantly reminded of my love for her and I told her I would always be there for her and take care of her. She is 58 and I am 60 but its amazing the similarities spanning the decades when it comes to issues of love. We had a fight on our first anniversary of dating almost a month ago and to my total surprise she walked and did not want to talk . I was shocked and very upset I did not see this coming, she did not want to talk things out and looked at me with hate in her eyes. I am getting better I realize that I have to keep NC and this is such a good thing to maintain I would not want her back if I had to beg or give up my lifelong principals. I am a good person with wonderful children and I think part of our problem was she did not have a very good relationship with her children or siblings. Today I was a little down so I felt like venting I thank god for this site. I really feel I am getting stronger every day but I don't feel like dating again at this point , being out of a relationship feels calming and comfortable at this time.I will be OK in time and so will Jai, Stay strong , realize that you are a good person in a bad time but better days are ahead and we will love again and be happy.I will look back at all this and hopefully learn from it .

You're doing great man. And yes, it's strange hey, we're very different age-wise. But the stories are still the same.

To be honestly fair, with my situation, the other guy was someone who was there, but I'm still unsure of what happened between them. She said she told him no and nothing happened, but I do know they met up once or twice. To be even more fair, I saw a video of us together, over a year after that whole thing happened, and I saw love there. The video actually made me feel better, because as soon as we broke up, I was haunted by the idea that it had actually all gone to **** way back with that incident. But I saw the video of us together, a long time after that had happened, and we were happy :)

All I can say is, time does make this all get better. And then, you will have relapses of emotion occasionally. But that's all it is - emotion. Don't let people talk you into letting your emotions run you, if you know they're going to run you into dangerous territory. It's harder to resist, to actually take a step back and think with a clear head. THAT is hard, and as men, what we should be doing here.

When is it time to start dating again,I am still not over her but much better than I was I'm sort of reconciled with the fact that she won't be back and I have had NC since the break.My question is should I wait till I'm totally over her to start a new relationship??

You'll never be over someone you once actually loved. I've been married 23 years and still have vivid connection to the first three "loves" I experienced. Real love stays with you and makes you better. Love you felt/feel for one girl can teach you to love well the next time. This is supposed to be a positive process. Let it be.

So, get on out there. You already know you are "love-capable" so it will happily again the first chance it gets. Give it all the chances you can arrange.

should I wait till I'm totally over her to start a new relationship??
Have you forgotten you have to have a prospective partner first, and that means the dating process has to be in the plan at sometimes.

You can't just expect the next female to be the one, can you? The more the merrier, and enjoy the process.

I started dating again, went back on match.com and took out two women ,the first for one date and I knew she wasn't for me the next one four dates and really was not into her and told her I was still getting over the breakup with my old girlfriend and we stopped seeing each other.I still think about my old girlfriend but have had no contact since the break which was a couple of months ago but I feel it affects me moving on at this time so I went off the dating site and think I should just chill for awhile until I feel better about dating again.Any comments or suggestions on how I should move on??

Just take your time. Time right now is the only thing that will help you. Rushing into dating can sometimes make things worse if you aren't over it, as you then start comparing your dates to your ex, which isn't fair. Just keep up with the no contact, keep busy and don't worry about how much time it takes.

Being single is a time to have fun, with everyone, while you figure yourself and your life out. That's what you should be doing.

Honestly what does healing from a break up have to do with dating, and meeting other people for a great time??

Your just enjoying another human, not interviewing for your baby mama are you??

My looking for a baby mama days are long gone , I am an old dude in great shape and since my wife passed away 15 years ago I have dated many women but I have never been emotionally affected as I have with the last one , I thought it was "the real deal" and was totally surprised by her asking for 2 months. Space.If it wasn't for the help I received on this site ,especially from TAL I would have probably called her and have made a total a--hole out of myself,as it stands she has never called me.I'm still not comfortable dating, however ,you make a very good point "WHAT DOES HEALING FROM A BREAK HAVE TO DO WITH DATING,AND MEETING OTHER PEOPLE FOR A GREAT TIME". I hope I can grasp that concept ,real soon.In the meantime I think Kctiger has a good idea in that I have to take my time ,in my case I think I make dating A BIG DEAL its just not easy for me at this time.

I think I make dating A BIG DEAL its just not easy for me at this time.

Practice makes perfect, but I understand, and just know, there are many options as far as things to do that you enjoy, and makes you happy.

Thanks for your help Tal. I'll be back at the plate as soon as I get my head straight or at least a little straighter. In the meantime I will do the things I enjoy doing as you suggest .

Back again. Just here to vent a little,I was going along so good into daily workouts , seeing family but today I am depressed and thinking about my ex . I started shopping online for my christmas presents for my kids and thought of her. I guess this is normal behavior around the holidays , and I know I just have to stay busy and work at feeling better about myself and I will. Like I said just here to vent , I appreciate the help everyone on this site has given me and I know it all gets better in TIME.

Yeah, its normal this time of year, but you seem to be adjusting well, I like that in you.

I must say that I idolize you billy in the fact that you are 60 and still in "the game" :-). You show great mental strength and determination in the fact that you are still out there dating. I am not trying to be rude, but I'll be honest, until I read your post, I never really entertained the thought that people your age, still go out on dates. It makes sense, but I just had never entertained the thought, and it is nice to hear that even as we age, people still have the want for love inside them. Unfortunately, there isn't much that I can say that the others haven't already said, however, for what it's worth, you determination to continue to love, has turned impacted my view of growing older in a whole new way. Best of luck to you and you will get through tough time, just keep your head up and instead of focusing on your ex during this holiday season, be grateful for the wonderful family that you have and for your health and well being. This will help you keep you head up!

Say man... women win all arguments... so arguing was one thing you shouldn't have done...

Sad thing is that when ever a woman asks for space that Womanese for "Its over...I need to move on..." Her interest level in you took a blow...

So in most cases than none man... its over... sad to say...

You'll be OK...

Thanks guys , I got a good laugh out of thadevilsadvocate's reply and your not rude. I felt the same way you did when I was 20 about 60 but now that I'm 60 and healthy I realize their isn't a hell of a lot of difference when it comes to trying to find a good women I have the same excitement and feeling that you want to be with someone as I had when I was 20. It's challenges my mental stability on occasion but hopefully we'll all meet the right one someday. In the meantime I know I can come here and share the experience and get the help I need.

Sweetheart go on your marry way, go out with friends and if something comes up along the way with another lady take it, you never know if your ex is really going to come back or not, do not waste your time my friend. Chop it up for experience.

Hi guys , I have not had any contact with my ex since she said she needed two months of SPACE eight months ago. I have been feeling good about myself,working out seeing friends and family and very rarely think of my ex and it passes quickly. I need some advise. This is my current situation I have been chatting with a lady on line and it seems that we have many things in common and I am setting up a lunch date for this weekend today I started thinking about my ex again and our break I know this is total BullS.. t thinking but I am letting this affect this upcoming date which I know is not right . It's been eight months I want to move on but why am I letting thoughts about my ex screw up my dating future. It is possible that I am just a little nervous about dating again and if the date goes well all will be good, its all just a little weird to me now.

Hey billy jet, I think what you lack is some confidence. Don't let your ex get in the way of your life anymore, she is long gone and so are you so keep going forward and never look back. Don't think of your ex. You're going to go out with this nice lady and you're going to have fun and a good time. That's the point of dating. To go out and have fun. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

There is nothing serious going on, so don't feel pressured of messing up or anything. So just be yourself and who you are and you will attract the right woman in your life. Yah it does seem weird to be out dating again, but with the right women, the ackwardness will just be gone and it will be the last thing on your mind. Hope your date goes well =P