Can my ex wife allow her new husband adopt my son if I haven't been able to see him for four years she says I abanded him I've paid child support for 14 years non stop . Idont want this to happen ,can she do this. She lives in tenn we were divorced in Ohio were I still live.

If you've paid child support you haven't abandoned the child. She should not be able to get an adoption without getting your rights terminated and if you refuse to agree to that they can't do it.

Was visitation supposed to happen

No she can't just have him adopt with out your allowing the adoption to take place. If you have been paying support then you have not abandoned the child (whether or not you had visitation). She might petition the court to grant it but all you have to do is show up and tell the judge that you don't want it and it won't happen.

While I agree with Stinawords, you probably wopuldn't need to show up personally. You could send a legal representative to inform the judge that you do not want to relinquish your rights.

Also unless there have been changes along the way keep in mind that at this time if everything was decided in Ohio then they are holding jurisdiction in this matter. So even though she has moved away unless its transferred then things will need to be done in Ohio.