FigureRobin
Sep 6, 2008, 06:44 AM
Sorry about the long post;
I am 23 years old and over the past year I have struggled to cope with life, and have felt increasingly down. This started when I finished university. I started work, and at the same time broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years. This was tough, moving to a new place, starting a full time job, and being alone. The break up was mostly my fault. I could not balance both whilst at university (studying and relationship). Nobody cheated and I hold no blame towards her. I still think about her, although I believe deep down that I am over her now. The hardest part of the break up was knowing that it was my fault, and that I could have just tried harder or read the signs that it was going wrong and fixed it. Anyway, I try not to look back anymore, as the relationship is definitely over and I guess it went beyond repair. At the same time as I was going through this, work was tough. I struggled with what I was asked to do, but I did complete most of it. I never took a day off sick, or asked for any form of sympathy or anything. I knew things would get better someday and they slowly did. The job remained difficult and I was not happy with the people I work with as I just didn't seem to get on with them. They made an effort with me, and I tried to like them back, but I just couldn't. I now suspect this is because of a combination of my own depression/ low self esteem and the actual people (they were very judgemental, critical, and made fun of mistakes that new people in the office would make). I felt unhappy and awkward. I tried not to let my relationship break up interfere with my work as I knew this wouldn't help anything. I guess it did though, as I continued to feel unhappy.
Around spring time, things began to improve slightly (out of work) and I made some new friends. I have never really had any problems making friends although I am very shy. I met a girl in March and we had a brief relationship (couple of weeks) which never really took off for various reasons.
In July I met a girl who I dated for 6 weeks. At first I was hesitant about her. I was confused if I had found her attractive or not, and I didn't feel attracted to her personality (she was a b*tch basically towards other people). She would sit and laugh at other peoples misfortune in front of me, ie: how she would deliberately lead people on. However, I went along with it and we dated. However, I can no longer deny that I just don't like her at all. Her attitude/ personality etc. She would flirt outrageously with my friends and I want to end it as soon as possible. I feel depressed about all of this and just life in general. I am happy sometimes and exercise makes me feel good so I am trying to continue with that. I think this girl has damaged my opinion of girls in general, although I know not every girl is like this, right?
I am scared to go to the doctors and talk about depression as I don't even know if that is what I have, as I feel OK some of the time, and I would just be wasting their time. I refuse to take medications out of fear of becoming reliant on them. I don't think I am bad enough for them anyway.
I guess I feel let down by the people around me. My family are very supportive, but I live away from home and I don't want to rely on my family to support me for the rest of my life. The only person I feel was half decent was my ex of 6 years. I know I am only seeing the positive now, but I just can't seem to trust anybody around me. I meet people and all they want is whatever they can use you for. I know perhaps that this is depression too (seeing negative things in people) but is it me or is the world becoming very shallow and empty?
I need to restore my faith in the human population. Or am I just naïve about life? Thinking there are decent people out there somewhere, who care and want to help others without having an agenda of their own?
I am still in the same job and I still feel unhappy about everything I did a year ago. I am thinking of leaving. I think a year is a long enough period to judge whether something is suitable or not isn't it?
I guess one of the reasons for writing this is to clarify in my mind, what has happened over the past year to make me feel like this, and straighten things out in my mind (it helps me to write).
Thank you for listening, sorry for the long post, and if anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer any advice whatsoever, please do.
I am 23 years old and over the past year I have struggled to cope with life, and have felt increasingly down. This started when I finished university. I started work, and at the same time broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years. This was tough, moving to a new place, starting a full time job, and being alone. The break up was mostly my fault. I could not balance both whilst at university (studying and relationship). Nobody cheated and I hold no blame towards her. I still think about her, although I believe deep down that I am over her now. The hardest part of the break up was knowing that it was my fault, and that I could have just tried harder or read the signs that it was going wrong and fixed it. Anyway, I try not to look back anymore, as the relationship is definitely over and I guess it went beyond repair. At the same time as I was going through this, work was tough. I struggled with what I was asked to do, but I did complete most of it. I never took a day off sick, or asked for any form of sympathy or anything. I knew things would get better someday and they slowly did. The job remained difficult and I was not happy with the people I work with as I just didn't seem to get on with them. They made an effort with me, and I tried to like them back, but I just couldn't. I now suspect this is because of a combination of my own depression/ low self esteem and the actual people (they were very judgemental, critical, and made fun of mistakes that new people in the office would make). I felt unhappy and awkward. I tried not to let my relationship break up interfere with my work as I knew this wouldn't help anything. I guess it did though, as I continued to feel unhappy.
Around spring time, things began to improve slightly (out of work) and I made some new friends. I have never really had any problems making friends although I am very shy. I met a girl in March and we had a brief relationship (couple of weeks) which never really took off for various reasons.
In July I met a girl who I dated for 6 weeks. At first I was hesitant about her. I was confused if I had found her attractive or not, and I didn't feel attracted to her personality (she was a b*tch basically towards other people). She would sit and laugh at other peoples misfortune in front of me, ie: how she would deliberately lead people on. However, I went along with it and we dated. However, I can no longer deny that I just don't like her at all. Her attitude/ personality etc. She would flirt outrageously with my friends and I want to end it as soon as possible. I feel depressed about all of this and just life in general. I am happy sometimes and exercise makes me feel good so I am trying to continue with that. I think this girl has damaged my opinion of girls in general, although I know not every girl is like this, right?
I am scared to go to the doctors and talk about depression as I don't even know if that is what I have, as I feel OK some of the time, and I would just be wasting their time. I refuse to take medications out of fear of becoming reliant on them. I don't think I am bad enough for them anyway.
I guess I feel let down by the people around me. My family are very supportive, but I live away from home and I don't want to rely on my family to support me for the rest of my life. The only person I feel was half decent was my ex of 6 years. I know I am only seeing the positive now, but I just can't seem to trust anybody around me. I meet people and all they want is whatever they can use you for. I know perhaps that this is depression too (seeing negative things in people) but is it me or is the world becoming very shallow and empty?
I need to restore my faith in the human population. Or am I just naïve about life? Thinking there are decent people out there somewhere, who care and want to help others without having an agenda of their own?
I am still in the same job and I still feel unhappy about everything I did a year ago. I am thinking of leaving. I think a year is a long enough period to judge whether something is suitable or not isn't it?
I guess one of the reasons for writing this is to clarify in my mind, what has happened over the past year to make me feel like this, and straighten things out in my mind (it helps me to write).
Thank you for listening, sorry for the long post, and if anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer any advice whatsoever, please do.