Well this is hard to post as my heart is heavy with sadness. My girl friend of a year and 1/2 has recently asked for us to take a break from the relationship so she can take a step back but she also mentioned how it wasn't fair to me she did that, that also being a reason. The reasoning is she kissed another guy, I can only assume but I think she scared herself about our relationship because she did that. It was very hard for her to come out and tell me this at the time she was shaking and couldn't look me in the eyes. She told me right after it happened. Of course I am/was completely crushed. We never fought, we disagreed but I thought everything was fine, she even recently (2 days before this) had written a nice letter in her ACA 111 class to me telling me how much she loves me and how sweet I am.

Something else I find is important is recently we started college I know this to be a trying time and we both attend the same community college. She was before this year going to move with her father who is in the air force to Japan but for reason she didn't tell (except that she didn't want to take online classes) to me she choose to move in with her best friend to stay here. I was beside myself with joy when she choose to stay.

Something you must know about me is I am that kind of person who comes off as a big old son of a gun who will kick your . Now I don't say anything but my image oftens scares people and they assume I'm mean. In fact I am the opposite. I'm a big squishy mound of kindness. I'd do anything for my friends and for her. And I am easily hurt emotionally.

I brought flowers and wrote notes just because, I'd surprise her with stuff and I thought we were generally happy she never became distant or anything before this happened.

I'm completely crushed as I stated because I feel powerless and would do anything to stop this pain I feel, I haven't been able to eat much lately as I am sad but not depressed I am still going to school and work and trying not to contact her, and let he think about it.

Ash I read your guide after this happened (Part of the reason I want to post) I didn't yell scream or anything. I didn't leave her with a golden moment but I did tell her that if she feels she needs space she will get her space and I kissed her on her forehead and left.
She sat there and starred at me as I drove off.

I have tried not contacting her but I did call her yesterday and ask if she had taken care of the speeding ticket with the lawyer because it was something we suppose to do but then this happened. I didn't say I love you or cry on the phone I just kept it casual and sort.

It has only been 3 days but the hurting is almost unbearable. I found myself wanting to drive over there after work yesterday and talk to her but resisted the urge.

My question is really a two part.
1) Is there a chance she will come around to me
2) Should I comfort her in a few days and go somewhere and sit and have a serious long talk?

I know no contact is vital and I am doing my damned not to contact her. Its about the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Edit:
I forgot to mention on of her biggest fears is someone cheating on her. I can only assume but I think she is taking this out on herself because is scared at what she did. I also told her when she told me that I forgive her.

1) Is there a chance she will come around to me
There is no way to tell, the key is don't wait, and don't wallow!
2) Should I comfort her in a few days and go somewhere and sit and have a serious long talk?
No, leave her alone, and let her contact you, if she has a change in heart, but forget the friendship thing, until after the grieving and healing process.

Read the stickies for this forum, there is a link in my signature, and know we all go through this heartbreak, and do survive.

Tal is right, she wanted space. Now give it to her and don't waste too much time over thinking the situation. There is nothing you can do to change the past

You have done all the right things so far. You had the strength to act in an extremely mature and kind way. It can feel very empowering knowing that you can stick to your principles even in such a tough situation. So I would suggest you maintain that and not contact her. I am sure she is drowning in her own confusion at the moment but there is nothing you can do about it. Your work is done here and now its time for NC so that your pain starts to heal and so that she gets the time to think about what she wants to do.

When my ex told me she had feelings for someone else and that they had kissed she was in tears because she realised that it meant our relationship was not as strong as she thought. She told me she thought what we had would never be impaired and we would spend the rest of our lives together and when she felt something for someone else she panicked. For weeks she was calling me in tears asking me why this happened and why we didn't work out. Spare yourself the additional pain and stay away from her. It will suck in the short term but will work out for you in the long term.

I haven't called or texted or anything to her today. As hard as it for me to do the exact opposite of what my heart screams for I am doing it. I know the guy, he's scum, he's not going anywhere and didn't even graduate HS. He wants nothing more from her then to well you know. What kind of person would kiss someone in a relationship they has been going on and was strong. Someone who will eventually hurt the next person they with the way I was hurt. If she decides she wants to come back to me then it will be my choice if I feel I want to continue the relationship.

Now she isn't dating him or even talking to him for that matter but what really hurts me is that I know if she decides that she wants to date him that I will only hurt her in the end. Which I do not want. I am not vindictive nor cruel or any sort of person like that. I try my hardest to be a decent person in a world of cruel selfish people. I know you have advised that I do not contact her and I will do everything in my will power to no contact her. I think back about when I found out my father had Leukemia and how she drove to my house to comfort me and confide her deepest feeling that she kept bottle up about her mother who passed away from cancer.

All I have ever been is a good person, her parents trusted me so much that they allowed me to sleep in the same room as her alone on a trip. They trusted me not do anything with her. I also felt we really have something special. I do hope that it was just a moment of doubt which I am sure some shape or form we have all had in any relationship and it scared her. But again I can't sit here and wait forever on her.

This is about the most painful experience in my life, the hurt is unimaginable and how people can do this is beyond me. For god shakes I almost had my arm chopped off, I grew up with an alcoholic father, no one but someone who has been through that knows what kind of pain it is. And this is by far worse.

Result is I will try everything in my power to not contact her, I can't change her mind I can't force her to be with me if she truly doesn't have feelings. The hurt that is there by ignoring my heart is by far the worse. I can hope for the best and we will live happily ever after but I will not wait around and I will try my damnedest to stop wallowing, as hard as that maybe.

Thinking back I find myself often too kind for my own good. I appear to be a scary dude on the outside as people are easy intimidated by me. I am the kind of person you see on movies big tough dude who in the end is more emotional then many people. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and cried like a baby something I haven't done in many years. I much rather my arm be seavered again then feel this pain for even a second more, if there was anything I could to stop the pain and feelings and thoughts I'd do it. I wish I could be numb to emotions and everything so I never again have to feel like this.

But again I can't sit here and wait forever on her.

Don't wait at all, just deal with your feelings, it will get better. If you let it.

Ask yourself this:

"Do I want to be with someone that dumped me so she can mess around and sleep with some crummy loser?"

Be good to yourself and just let her go. Know that you are better than that, deserve better than that because you do.

The probably I face with that is she isn't sleeping with him or even talking to him. I badly want to comfort her and ask he if she wants to be with or part ways. But I want to give her more time to think. I can't force her into a relationship but all in all I don't just want to through it out the window.

The probably I face with that is she isnt sleeping with him or even talking to him. I badly want to comfort her and ask he if she wants to be with or part ways. but I want to give her more time to think. I can't force her into a relationship but all in all I don't just want to through it out the window.

She kissed someone else, WHILE you were together. That should be reason enough for you to at least start NC.

I have started NC, I am not one to do wild things without thinking. I realized I could have been mad and yelled at her and belittled her but what would that have done in the end regardless of what the outlook maybe? It would have made me feel bad. I am at a point in order to move on I am going talk to her, I know this isn't advised but If I want to heal and move on I need some closer. No saying I will ask her way this happened and beg her back because if I do that then we will have gotten no were. She knows what she did was wrong she came out right and told me after it happened. This is part of the reason I feel we need to talk.

And Honestly time apart probably is the best thing I know she is going through a stressful time being 1/2 around the world from her family and what they went through, and college. Do we not all make decisions we regret? And do we all not realize what we had until it is gone?

I feel I acted in the most mature way I could about this even though It hurt so badly to leave like that. I don't know how upset she is because I haven't talked to her, but I do feel she didn't want to break it off but more so that it would be wrong not to.

I keep reading peoples stories and I find myself comparing them. I don't think all woman are evil and conspire to harm us. Some do get confused and have to step away to figure out what the hell happened.

I am taking peoples advice on here but I don't feel I should jump to conclusions yet. If she feels we can't be together then I will move on, but also if she feels she wants to try to work this out then I will try to work it out and if should fall apart again I will know that I did everything I could and will completely let go. Kind of like the old saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I'm ing stupid I spoke to her on Yahoo I saw her on and I ed up.

Me: Hey
Her: hi
Me: did you go to class today?
Her: yes
Me: k good
Me: how are you feeling?
Her: I'm OK... how are you?
Me: I
Me: I'm o.k
Her: did you go to class today?
Me: yeah.
Her: k
Me: all right well this is probably quakward for you so I'll leave you alone
Me: you can talk to me anytime you want to
Her: I promise I won't just stop talking to you... I just need time to be by myself...
Her: steph and I are going out tonight to have dinner over a friends house
Me: If you don't mind me asking what friend?
Her: his name is brian
Her: he works with steph's mom and terry
Me: I want you to know I do want want to sit down and talk about everything when your ready
Her: I know...
Me: That means being honest with me, as this is hard for me
Her: but I'm not going to lie... my feelings are still torn in half
Me: I can tell
Me: but I'd rather you be honest with me
Her: it wouldn't be fair to either of us if I just ignored this
Me: I know
Me: it also wouldn't be vary fair to cut it without trying
Me: to talk ot me
Her: I know this nathan
:Her but now is not the time
Her: I'll ttyl OK
Me: understood,
Me: Have fun, goodbye
Her: bye

Dude that's intense, you should see my msn conversation lasnite and the night before!
And the phone calls are even more intense! And yet weirdly subtle and quiet.
I fukn hate this lol

Dude just go NO CONCTACT! BLOCK HER do everything you can to put her out of your mind, and if she will.. she will come crawling back.

This is what I'm doing now for the passed week, even though I broke NC twice which was a dumb move. But it seems to be working, fluctuating.. its her deciding what she will do, just sitback and enjoy the show seriously I've gotton to the point where I I laugh at the situation, my hearts still broken but what can you do? Seriously don't ruin your mind over something you can't control.

k. Give her space and time.

I am feeling a little better today. As I have accept the fact what she did is cheating. She did this not me, I am not at fault, what I did was give her love and I thought she gave me her love and now she is not sure if what she felt was true love. She has to decide. If she finds that she does have love me for then we have deal with it, if not that I will not wallow, I have to keep telling myself that. I did everything right, She is the one in the wrong. As this older gentlemen told me, "She's confused your not, tell her when she gets unconfused to come talk to you". I have put everything up that reminds me of, I cleaned off the wall where she wrote some loving words and pictures. I cried as I did but I know having it in my face will not help. I haven't tried to contact her today and I have told me that if she truly has love for me she will contact me. I do have thoughts of it but I have to remind myself that if she loves me like she said she did she will back I will not crawl back to her.

I'm glad the reality of the situation is sinking in for you. But, don't be fooled, tomorrow you will feel different then you do today, and something different the day after that. You'll be a roller coaster of emotions for awhile. Stick with NC, it's the best thing you can do for YOU right now.

I am I found myself attempting to break NC but I stopped myself. I have tried to eat more but my stomach is still upset and I can't force it down. Like I said I have swallowed the hardest thing ever in my life and that is she may come back in love me or she won't. I can't dwell waiting. She calls it a break so that's I give it. When she talks to me I can decide where to go from there. All I can do, I will not help myself by calling her and stuff, if I leave her alone to stew in what she has done she might realize how wrong she was and then again she may not. I can't control her thoughts what she decides is what is going to happen and I will go from there.

I think that's a great decision, just remember it takes two, and if she isn't on board, then don't hold the train for her. Why should you, since half the relationship was yours also! We have to live with our decisions, that includes her too.

Its hard but I feel I will if I know she feel she can't be with me I can move on, If she feels she still wants me then we will have to talk over things. Its hard, I have forced myself away from my room and my computer so I don't dwell on the internet or hover over her IM name, or check myspace. And it is a 2 person thing, if she isn't on board I can't hold the train for her. If she isn't the right one I will find the right one.

I don't know why but this song makes me feel like it will be all right,
YouTube - Michael Buble - Lost NEW VIDEO!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X5cZC5U6dM)
Michael Buble - Lost.
It brings tears to my eyes but not in a bad way, it gives me hope, it lets me know it will be all right, I'm not alone, Idk, it just speaks to me, I was tempted to send it to her but I resist as I didn't want to break NC. I haven't contacted her tonight.

I don't know why but this song makes me feel like it will be alright,
YouTube - Michael Buble - Lost NEW VIDEO!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X5cZC5U6dM)
Micheal Buble - Lost.
It brings tears to my eyes but not in a bad way, it gives me hope, it lets me know it will be alright, I'm not alone, Idk, it just speaks to me, I was tempted to send it to her but I resist as I didnt want to break NC. I havent contacted her tonight.

YEP... thats a great song , I actually have a link to it in my signature!

I think that you should give her a break. And I really think if you give her the space that she needs then she will come back to you. That's if its meant to be...
"if you love something or someonethen letthem go, & if it comes back to you then its true, its meant to be"

I am giving her, her space I have completely set my mind on not contacting her, no matter the urge. If I get the urge I move and do something so I don't do it. I moved everything that reminds me of her and our relationship in my closet and out of my face. When/If she contacts me I will go from there. I know if I call her and start taking to her it will make it worse. It sucks but the truth is if its meant to be then she will come back

You sound like the typical person on here that has been crushed. I feel you.
Looking back on my experience, I would say don't force it. Lay low and wait for her possible come back. Let her take the pace. You can definitely not force the issue. As tough as it may be, let her come back to you. I think you said it had been 3 days. You still have the advantage at this point. If nothing happens with the new guy and you are respectful to her time, she just might come back after she misses you in due time. 3 days?? Just sit back and try to relax. If you 2 loved each other, this faze may pass. Step back and let things mellow. Yes, it's hard, damn hard. Whatever you do, just be patient.

I am I really am. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life. Do the exact opposite of what my heart tells me. She isn't dating that guy. I know she does love me, she is confused and I know give it time and I will have my answer. I will not force it, I will not call I will not text and I will not message.

I am I really am. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life. Do the exact opposite of what my heart tells me. She isnt dating that guy. I know she does love me, she is confused and I know give it time and I will have my answer. I will not force it, I will not call I will not text and I will not message.

Time is your best friend.

Well She called me a bit ago. She said that she felt something for that guy that didn't feel with us. She felt it wouldn't be fair to her if she didn't pursue those feelings. I told her that I loved her and I wish she never has to go through the hurt I have been in. She asked if we could be friends and I told her not right now we can't maybe down the road, I'm too hurt to try and be friends. I explained that I wish her nothing bad happiness and hope that him and her remain happy. I ended it with telling her I will always hold a special place in my heart for her and I do love, and said goodbye. She said goodbye and I hung up.

I then moved to deleting her contacts (she has new number recently due to a move so I don't have them memorized) I removed her from my messenger and myspace. I removed all comment and pictures. I will be moving all the memerable items to the shed outside tomorrow if Hanna doesn't mess that up. I am hurt but I know what I most do now.

Down the road regradless of if we get together again or what ever, she will have to live with the decision. She is the dumper and not the dumpee and I am sure didn't feel what I felt. I don't wish that one her. I didn't scream or yell or sobb on the phone. I believe in Karma and I don't hold a grudge or ill will towards anyone.


I want to share my experience with people and explain that the waiting was the worst feeling in the world. I do feel relieved now I can cut loose. That is not saying I don't love her and I am not hurt because I am. All I tell anyone that is going through what I went through is listen to people on here damn it! They know what they are talking about. When they say no contact damn don't it will make it harder. I am hurt but I listened to people and started to let go and I am glad I did because in the end she didn't want to be. I tried not to give false hope and in the end it let the hit less hard. I also feel because she wanted a break it made the result less hurtful because I already had the pain of losing her. But the next few days and weeks will be hard but I know its done, I know I can get someone who will appreciate me and love me like I love them. All right having thoughts maybe she will message me but I tell myself STOP IT DAMN IT.

I will move on and I will heal, I will find the one.
Thanks everyone for your advice even if some of it was crude, but you were right! You know what you were talking about, I did head your advice and thanks for letting the hurt be a little less.

Well I consider the day the break started the day the relationship ended. Its been almost a week and today I actually slept more then 5 hours. I am going out to a family BBQ thing, My friends who I realize I neglected have been there for me. I Deleted all contact points, I tape up the memory box yesterday and put it out in the shed with a note containing all the feelings. I threw away the stuff animals and such, as I don't want them in my face. I found myself wanting to see what she was up to today but quickly slapped myself in the face and said it doesn't matter. She doesn't involve me anymore. I used to spend Sunday with her but now I am trying to occupy my time. It hurts but damn its over. The one will come into my life.

Honestly, what you need to do is just see if you can talk to her. Let her know that yes she did make a mistake, but that you respect her for coming out and telling you what happened. To me it sounds like she is beating herself up over nothing and that you are willing to forgive her. Just let her know that you forgive her and let her know how much you love her and how much she means to you. I think that if you take the time to alk to her she will calm down and come back to you if she truly loves you and what y'all have together with your relationship.

Anne

Honestly, what you need to do is just see if you can talk to her. Let her know that yes she did make a mistake, but that you respect her for coming out and telling you what happened. To me it sounds like she is beating herself up over nothing and that you are willing to forgive her. Just let her know that you forgive her and let her know how much you love her and how much she means to you. I think that if you take the time to alk to her she will calm down and come back to you if she truly loves you and what y'all have together with your relationship.

Anne
She choose the other guy, I told her I forgave her, she called me after her break and said, she wanted to date him. She called Friday and told me her decision. She wanted to seek these feelings out. She told me that she felt something with him that she didn't feel with us and it was right. I did tell her how much I loved her. I would like nothing more then to have her back. I could if really needed contact her, But I am afraid I'll just make it worse on me. Should I send an email?

She choose the other guy, I told her I forgave her, she called me after her break and said, she wanted to date him. She called friday and told me her decision. She wanted to seek these feelings out. She told me that she felt something with him that she didnt feel with us and it was right. I did tell her how much I loved her. I would like nothing more then to have her back. I could if really needed contact her, But I am afraid I'll just make it worse on me. Should I send an email?

NO Email

As you said in your previous post she has made her decision and you need to just let it go and move on... NO CONTACT!!

Keep your dignity my friend:cool:

Your right. I found myself panicing and then I said stop...
Its done.

your right. I found myself panicing and then I said stop...
Its done.

Good Job!!

There will be setbacks , but you just come on here and vent. If you feel the need to send an email write it out on here and at least it will be out of your system.

I found my day went by without the complete pain in my chest, I slept a bit last night but I still hurt. I am no where near getting over her but I know in time. I don't like feeling like this, I want to just sit in my room and be alone, but then I say, you can't do that. Get up, go outside, go for a drive. I don't want to wallow.

I believe in Karma, not that I am vindictive or wish any ill will towards anyone. I also believe in religion. Everything has its reasons for happening.

Its funny how life can have you on top of a mountain one day and then have a plane crash into you and knock you down to very bottom. I find myself thinking of her and what we did and wanting to find out what she is doing, is she happy, what is going on? But then I sit and say, it doesn't involve me anymore. The one who is meant for me will come into my life. I did want to find out what see is doing but then stopped myself. I get this burning sensation in my neck and body when I think about everything, but I calm myself. I did eat a bowl of cereal today and a burger but I wasn't really hungry and I didn't want to eat but I knew I had to. Its funny, because I'm the kind of person who would stop if I saw someone broke down on the road, I have helped people push their car into a gas station while leaving my car with flashers on in the middle of the road. I'd do what ever I can for someone, but if you do me wrong I can't help but be hurt.

I'm a big old man of mush. I'm like a hard candy with a soft melting inside. I have this image of hardcore. But I am easily hurt, I don't always show it. I used to get so upset when I was younger of being called fat, so much so I'd come home from school and cry. But I never showed it at school.

Its funny one of my friends posted on myspace about how I have too much love to give maybe one woman can't handle it. It made my laugh inside.

I have an old 68 mustang outback I should take sometime to restore it more. But that's more of a money issue. I hand sanded one side of it and primed it. I need money for the body parts, I put a brand new C4 Transmission in it back in the end of June. Funny story I was driving it home and a wheel came off. But I felt it and pulled in the grass before it came off. Scared me but I got it home.

My brother and his friends offered me some beer to drink with them last night, at first I was like hell yeah. But As I looked at the unopen beer in my hand I said no, Now is defiantly not the time to drink. I said no thanks and put it down and picked up a Pepsi instead.

I played a lot of FFXI yesterday and COD4, to keep my mind busy. I enjoy playing them and it helps me relieve stress. I don't know something about virtually shooting people released stress. That being said I don't have any intention to ever harm anyone. Hell I can't even find it in my heart to yell or scream about what she did to me. I can't be mean, I wish so much I could be mean sometimes and ignore my heart. That's not to say if I'm getting screwed over that I don't know how to say <^> because I know the limits. I just know what's worth getting upset over and what's not.

Does it get easy to coop? I mean I find myself fine one second and the next a million thoughts going through my head about it, specially at night when I attempt to sleep, and when I fist wake up. I had a dream about her last night but I can't remember now what it was about but it upset me in the morning.

I played alot of FFXI yesterday and COD4, to keep my mind busy.



Yeah I been playing a lot of games also, try to get your mind of it. I noticed watching movies doesn't really work because your still thinking about her and the concentration part is the hardest as the movie feels like its going in 1 ear out the other, whilst playing a game on the other hand you have to actually force yourself to concentrate, which eliminates the thinking about what happened etc
Also yes you will also find some moments where youl feel all right, then all of a sudden the situation will hit you like a ton of bricks, you just gota keep pushing forward, and what I learnt is, never let your heart rule your head.

I just woke up and am upset. I just had a dream of her and it upset. I can't remember details and just am upset in general. Its 3:19 in the morning.

Dude go outside, get some fresh air... try not to think about it... if you can think about the things you didn't like about her... it will make the night less restless.. this happened to me several times lastweek.. had vivid dreams about her.. this sucks dude... time to vent my stress out on the good old trusty boxing bag

I hear you about the dreams man. They are like the ultimate form of set back for me, because I wake up from them in a half-state, just awake enough to be hit by a massive force of emptiness upon realising she's not there, and not awake enough to muster my confidence and courage to deal with it. Then I get a panic attack before I can fall back asleep, and then the whole day can be pretty bleak.

Chin up bro. We are getting through this, me and you, and the other guys who come to this forum. And then, a little bit on from now, we'll hit each other up and hifive that we made it through it. I got you son.

Does it get easy to coop? I mean I find myself fine one second and the next a million thoughts going through my head about it, specially at night when I attempt to sleep, and when I fist wake up. I had a dream about her last night but I can't remember now what it was about but it upset me in the morning.

It definitely gets easier to cope with. My case was very similar to yours (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/being-cheated-left-someone-else-after-3-years-243232.html). It is normal to feel the way you feel. I still remember those nights were I would wake up in the middle of the night without being able to go back to sleep. I would go on very long walks even at 6-7 am just because I couldn't go back to bed. Anything that would stop me from sitting alone and thinking about things. I went through a phase where I would go out with friends drinking every night so that I would be able to sleep at night but soon found out that alcohol is not a good idea. I then started hitting the gym hard. So that by the time I would go back home I would be too tired to sit and think and would just pass out.

While you are in a relationship where you see a future in you tend to paint a picture of the future (even if you don't talk about it with your partner) and once something as unexpected as this happens at first it feels as if that is violently taken away from you. It is hard to accept that you could have been that wrong about something, but as your heart is telling you different things to your mind now then chances are that the same thing was happening while you were in the relationship and you weren't able to see things rationally. One piece of advice that really helped me a lot was to take it one day at a time because if you are able to make it through a whole day without missing her than you will eventually be able to recreate that picture without her in it and feel fine about that. I wouldn't beat myself too hard about that because I know it won't happen overnight and I can only wait for things to fall in place again without me forcing them. Try and keep yourself busy with things you enjoy and try to be around people you feel comfortable and have a good time with.

Whenever you feel upset just come here and vent where people will help you get that positive thinking going on again. Just appreciate the fact that you still have your health, family and friends and that with time a new person might come into your life, someone who will fully appreciate all you have to give and who will want to stay with you.

While you are in a relationship where you see a future in you tend to paint a picture of the future (even if you dont talk about it with your partner) and once something as unexpected as this happens at first it feels as if that is violently taken away from you.

This this this a thousand times this. This is what makes it so hard man. When my ex walked, it wasn't like I just lost a girlfriend, it's like I lost my family. My ex told me, you are my family, you me and Mister Nin (our cat), and that she hoped I considered them my family (they were). She convinced me - I agreed. They were my family. And she always said we'd spend together forever. It's like, as soon as I agreed and saw maybe we really would be able to do that, it fell to pieces. My assent and the deal was off. When you're in a long-term relationship like us man, and they walk, not only do you lose your girlfriend - you lose the plans you made for the future, you lose possibly your best friend, you lose your family (if at any point you started to consider her family), and in a way, you lose the memories. I can't think of any memories at all, good or bad, since there's nothing good that comes with thinking about them now. I've locked them up and thrown away the key. Not sure if it's healthy, but it's the only thing that I can do with them.

I just wrote something to myself man. I might print it out and carry it around with me until I settle down a bit. The last two are the most important I think, right now, for you and me to focus on.

Be cool.
Do not care.
“When do I panic?” Never.
Snap. Put the past in place behind you. Leave it there.
No more questions.
No more thoughts.

Well I had fallen back to sleep, but yet again had another dream. THis one was of her coming back to me, I didn't just take her back, I told her I need 2 things, 1 she get tested and 2, get on her knee and ask for me back.

I keep telling myself it will be all right and everything but its hard. It sucks.

Bro, no matter what, you can hold your head up knowing you acted the best way imaginable I reckon while going through this. To be honest, if I had been as good about my situation and handled it as well, I'd probably be in better places now.

I've read a lot of threads man. A LOT of threads here. And I can say the way you acted is leagues above how some of the other guys took it (me included). Hold your head up, be proud of that.

It does get easier. Like it's bad now, sometimes it's hard to breathe, I was there. The memories attack you. But I'm a pretty logical guy, and I know this for a 100% fact, it's going to get easier for the both of us, as long as we let it. (and we will, right?)

Yeah man, Everyone keeps telling me that. But it doesn't help right now. Someone even told me " You are taking it admirably and like a man. You are also being correctly magnanimous about your ex's moving on." Mind you I had to look up magnanimous. People are telling me that can't believe how mature I acted and if it was them how they would have flipped. But I'm not that kind of person I find I'm very rational. It sucks I opened myself up for this hurt. I never try to hurt someone I can't bring myself to.

I will get through it. But man its hard. I am trying to keep my head up. I don't want to feel like this. I did cry, I admit it, I woke on one morning last week and just cried. For a good hour and half. I felt emptiness, like something tore away something from my heart. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

One day at a time. No contact. Its over is what I tell myself.

I hear you bro. Don't be ashamed of crying, man, the first week I cried for days. I felt so sick to my stomach I almost vomitted. No one has ever seen me break like that, and, if I can help it, nobody ever will again. I don't want to feel like that either. That's why whenever I have a memory pop up, I just switch straight to 'no more memories, no more thoughts'. Not even anything justified about why I can't think about the memory etc etc. Just a blank 'no more memories, no more thoughts'.

I think the next time we get into a relationship man, we should both be careful about the way we approach it mentally. Because I know even if the next chick says it'll last forever, that it's probably not going to.

No contact man. Maybe once we're in a better place... But yeah. No contact. Me and you bro. Thousands have done this before us. We can make it too.

I get paid today, so that's something to look forward too. It won't be a big check but a little money. I might plan a trip somewhere when I get my refund check from school. That would be something nice. Maybe I'll go bowling today or I might even go geocaching.

Also another hard part is I'm not sure how to meet people. I know that's advice but I'm really not sure how I do this. Just going to keep myself open, not closed, someone asks if I want to do, I should. Well unless its getting drunk because I know I'm not ready for that, as the when him and my mother broke happened to my father and he became an alcoholic for 8 years.

But I need to leave to my college now, have class soon. Thanks everyone for your comments.

Also another hard part is I'm not sure how to meet people. I know that's advice but I'm really not sure how I do this. Just going to keep myself open, not closed, someone asks if I wanna do, I should. Well unless its getting drunk because I know I'm not ready for that, as the when him and my mother broke happened to my father and he became an alcoholic for 8 years.

This is something I'm trying to get through as well. I read somewhere, on some site, that basically just don't decline any social invitation. Sometime invites, you go. I've been doing that. A lot of these things have been to parties where the chicks were.. basically.. not really my type. But I went anyway. Meet people. Meet old friends. Basically it feels good to just get out there, and know you're not at home moping around.

When I do find out where some good places to meet chicks are I'll let you know.

When you're in a long-term relationship like us man, and they walk, not only do you lose your girlfriend - you lose the plans you made for the future, you lose possibly your best friend, you lose your family (if at any point you started to consider her family), and in a way, you lose the memories. I can't think of any memories at all, good or bad, since there's nothing good that comes with thinking about them now. I've locked them up and thrown away the key. Not sure if it's healthy, but it's the only thing that I can do with them.

I totally agree with you. Looking back I can see that at some point I considered her to be more of family to me than my family, which was wrong but at the time I felt like it was the right thing to do. I knew her sister long before I knew my ex and I got along really well with her parents and her whole extended family and friends. They adored me and would always talk to others in the best possible way about me. They told me they had never seen her so happy in their life and could not understand what it was I had done to her. That is why she still hasn't told them what really happened and why we really broke up, because she knows she treated me wrong and that they would judge her heavily for that. She thought I would go around bad mouthing her to everyone and asked me to keep it all a secret. And that really hurt because it showed how little she knew me. But like you I always maintained my decency and was fully rational about all this. I felt weak but was able to think rational. So where I am getting at is that now you might think that the fact that you acted so maturely was irrelevant but believe me it does. It shows great strength and I am positive you will get through this. When things clear up in your mind you will look back and there will be nothing you regret doing or not doing during this time.


I will get through it. But man its hard. I am trying to keep my head up. I don't want to feel like this. I did cry, I admit it, I woke on one morning last week and just cried. For a good hour and half. I felt emptiness, like something tore away something from my heart. I don't ever want to feel like that again. [/QUOTE]

Crying, feeling emtpiness, feeling torn, feeling as if you were robbed, feeling betrayed, as if you were fooled. These and a million more feelings are normal at a time like this. If anything crying and feeling all this is a good thing because your emotions are surfacing, keeping stuff inside and suppressing them would not be healthy. It is part of the mourning process so don't feel ashamed about any of that. I understand you with the dreams and sometimes they feel so real and make you feel so vulnerable. As soon as you wake up from them just tell yourself that you are safe and no one can hurt you anymore but yourself and that things will get better. Keep saying that to yourself.


[QUOTE]Also another hard part is I'm not sure how to meet people.

You mentioned you have just started going to college so I would say you are in an excellent position to meet people. Take advantage of it. Just remain open to new people and new experiences. See what has happened as an opportunity to meet new people, live new things, some which you will enjoy. Possibly join a club or pick up on a new hobby. You have been given the chance to start something new, what is it that you always wanted to do but because you were in a relationship you hesitated? Take that as a starting point. I was always abit of a control freak in the sense that I always felt like I needed to know where I am heading in terms of my career, my life. During this past year I had managed to align everything after many years of efforts. I had managed to get a really good job which I enjoyed, be in the same city as my ex (as we had a long distance relationship for the 6mths before that) had good friends around me and generally I felt like things had finally taken their course for me. But some things are beyond our control and I realised that you have just got to let go and wait and see what life is going to throw at you next. For the past 2 months I have let things take their own course and out of nowhere old friends started contacting me wanting to hang out and I have met a whole new bunch of people which have filled a big part of the gap I was feeling. All I am saying is get out there, start doing things and keep yourself open to new opportunities. One thing that is for sure is do not stay at home all the time. As my signature says I firmly believe that people happen to opportunities so you have just got to put yoursefl out there and just wait and see what comes next.

Today was hard at school, sitting through a physics lecture was very boring. It was hard to keep my mind from wondering on to thoughts of her, and also this happened in my Pre-Cal class. But in my humanities class, I meet up with my brothers friend who is a lesbian and she made me feel better. But after class while driving home my mind started to wonder. I tried to tell myself that its over and things happen for a reason. Its out of my hands. It was hard, I wanted to see if she is happy but I know it won't do anything but make me feel worse so I put that idea away.

I woke up twice last night both times because I had a dream. I felt like screaming but I didn't, I posted on here and tried to lay back down. The first one messed with my head. I was standing there and she was on her knee begging me back, and I told her she had to do 2 things before I'd consider it. One was get tested, I went on to explain it wasn't about sex, but to prove. The other was kneel down and ask me back from her heart. This one messed with me pretty bad because in the dream it happened, she did it.


Why do we allow ourselves to be hurt like this? I mean I guess you can't have that feeling of being loved without the polar opposite, that of being hurt. I wish I could just fast forward to when the hurt stops. Just skip the painful time. I am tired but I am going to go play something or wash my car.

I think if you really want her that bad then go after her. Then make her realize how big of a mistake she made by choosing the other guy. Make her want you back.

If it was that easy, she gave me her answer and she will have to see what a mistake she made. I wish but she made her choice I would like nothing more for us to be happy together again but she choose to attempt things with him. If she realizes what a mistake she made down the road we'll see where I'm at, I do love her. I hope she comes back to me but as of this moment I have to try and heal. Its only been 3 days since she gave me her answer.

That comment has made me wonder more now :( Now I just want to contact her even more. I am going to wash my car, get out of this house.

I wonder too sometimes. Should I chase my ex? Then I realize Im still afraid to walk away. It's already happened. I sometimes think she'll be waiting for me when I get home. She never is man. The fact is there's not a lot we can do right now if they just aren't keen. All we can do is walk and try not to look back. It sucks but I'm sure deep down you must agree.

I do, if its meant to be she will contact me, this sucks.

Stick with NC! Do not go after her. If anything you will push her further away. She has made her choice. The fact that you should not go after her is not a matter of pride or ego it is a way to protect yourself from getting exposed to something that will make you feel 100 times worse than you are now. Believe me I have been where you are now. Over the last week together she took me through the whole process going on through her mind while deciding whether she wants to be with me. We always had a very trusting relationship and talked about everything but in this case the stuff I heard over that week was hell and certain comments she made would come back to me for weeks to come. I then saw some pictures of her and the other guy on Facebook. That completely destroyed me and the dreams I had for a week were extremely disturbing. Leave things as they are. You do not want to come across or hear stuff that will make the healing process longer. You have done everything that was possible to show her you really love her more than anything and I am sure she knows that and is not easy for her either (that doesn't mean though that she wants to come back). Everything is still really recent and raw and although you have done an amazing effort to deal with all this you still need to do your best to protect yourself remember that. YOU COME FIRST NOW! No one can hurt you now but yourself! Stay strong man and don't give in to those emotions. When you get the urge to contact her come on here and write or call someone else. Tell a friend of yours or a family member that you will need them now and that if you end up calling them frequent its because of what you are going through. You have said that you have always helped people so I would say that its time someone else helps you. There are loads of people here to support you to start with but having someone close also helps.

busterite is on the money man. You HAVE to protect yourself now. God knows the thoughts are bad enough - I think if I encountered something like that for real I'd be scared of what I'd do. Be vigilant and stay away, both from her and any information about her. You do not want to expose yourself to more pain.

Which is why I left my house and went to clean my car. This chapter in my life sucks. Only thing I have looking forward to atm is the 2,000 dollar check coming from school. If she decides she made a bad choice and decides to contact me it will be my decision to choose what I do, and most say NC but I would feel inclined to hear her out and judge if she is just BS'ing or genuine. I hate this. I really do. I have read over numerous post that NC is best, that chasing does nothing but make a bad situation worse on yourself. So I will contiune to do my damnedest not to contact. Am I really doing better then most, I feel like I'm not.

I think if you really want her that bad then go after her. Then make her realize how big of a mistake she made by choosing the other guy. Make her want you back.

This will only prolong the process.

I cleaned my car, and played some COD4 I feel a little better but thoughts are still racing.

Your thoughts will race from time to time , this is also normal. You just have to remember you are still fresh from the breakup and it takes time. And as time goes you will find yourself thinking about it less and less.

Its not easy I know and that sucks , but hey if it were easy you wouldn't be here.

I am going to try and get some sleep its been a rough day. I hope I don't wake up a lot tonight.

This morning has been hard. Thoughts keep coming and I am doing my best to not think about it. I woke up a lot last night, but no contact. I am feeling down again but trying to look up its been 1 week and a day since it ended. The pain in my chest is still there.

Today at school was hard. It felt like slow motion and nothing itself was real. I felt like a zombie. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or what else. I have had this pain in my chest all day. I believe I had a panic attack after my Pre cal class. I was walking across campus to my car to leave to get something to eat. My chest tightened and it was hard to breath, my chest also hurt and just a general spurt of crap feeling came over me. After that walk I wasn't able to eat even a simple chicken sandwich. Today has been a hard day and its only half over.

Thoughts keep coming and I am doing my best to not think about it. I woke up a lot last night, but no contact. I am feeling down again but trying to look up its been 1 week and a day since it ended. The pain in my chest is still there.

It has only been 1 week and all this is very rough but you just need to hang on in there. It is not easy I know but you just need to give it time. With time the ups and down will become more normalised and your mind will take over control of the emotions believe me.



It felt like slow motion and nothing itself was real. I felt like a zombie.

This is firstly because of the lack of sleep and secondly because you haven't been able to eat properly. Try forcing yourself to eat something. I know the zombie feeling. There are a million thoughts going through your brain and you probably just feel tired and numb. This is a normal reaction of the brain. Don't think of that too much, time will resolve this and not far from now you will be able to eat normally and get a whole nights sleep.



Today has been a hard day and its only half over.

Yes but now you are closer to the day when you will be able to go through a whole day without counting the hours.

I know that this hurts you, but you sound like you really love her... and the pain in your chest that you keep feeling is a broken heart trying to mend itself. These things hurt, but quite frankly if I were you, I would go after her and at least try to talk to her.

I know that this hurts you, but you sound like you really love her... and the pain in your chest that you keep feeling is a broken heart trying to mend itself. These things hurt, but quite frankly if I were you, I would go after her and at least try to talk to her.
It hasn't been that long, I'd love to case after her but in the end it will do nothing she choose. I told her exactly how I felt and maybe in time she will realize but I will not crawl and beg back to her. I didn't do this, I shouldn't have to, I told her how I felt, she knows I love her and I can't force her to be with me. The relationship won't last between them because I know what she likes and he can't offer that.

Its not about if I love her, its about if she loves me. I know people make mistakes but I can't change what happened. I played my hand I was dealt as best as I could. I didn't push her away by calling texting anything. I gave her, her space. I Didn't GO AND KISS ANOTHER GIRL AND SAY I'm CONFUSED. I found myself kind of liking a girl about 6 months into our relationship but I knew that I didn't want to loose what I had so I let that ship sail away to WV.

If she wants to talk, I'll listen but I won't open myself to hurt again. I can let the past go when its in the past.

But giving myself false hope at this time won't help me. It will hurt me more if it doesn't happen. I have started the NC a week ago, she called me Friday last week and told me she wanted to date this guy. I told her I love her and always will. I told her if she finds she made a mistake down the road, If I'm not with someone WE'LL TALK, but that does not mean I will take her back. I Told her that. I know I made her happy, I know she made me happy. I told her I will always hold a place in my heart, I told her I do hope everything works out great between her and him. She asked if we could remain friends I told her not right now, I have to take her out my life at this point which I told her included removing her myspace and stuff. I don't wish Ill will, I just hurt.

I understand. You just need to do what's best for you and what you think will help you in the long run.

I didn't mean to come off rude for you posting. I do want her back, but I can't force her back.

I feel a little better, an old friend (girl) I knew back in the 9th grade I talked to today. I found out she had always had a crush on me and as did I (I was too much of a sissy to act on them at that time) but had moved away. She went through what I am going through about 6 months ago.

Not that I thinking I should pursue a relationship its just nice to talk. My chest is still hurting and its kind of hard to breath . I am still hurting.

You'll hurt for a while, wiked. I'm going on 6 weeks after a breakup of 7 years. It still hurts me every day. But, I'm WAY better than I used to be. You'll get there, bro. Just take it one day at a time and concentrate on YOU. There is no one controlling your life now but YOU. YOU now have full control over your own fate. Enjoy that freedom.

Its 4 in the morning again. I can't sleep, I'm so tired but my mind keeps racing with thoughts. I just want to scream. I want to talk to her so bad. But I know I can't it will hurt me more.

I work up to my chest hurting again. I had 2 dreams of her last night both involved me getting back with her. I felt like screaming. I just can't stop my subconscious mind from projecting this. I finally just crashed last night I was numb to everything. I work up at about 3 am after the dream. It sucked I couldn't go to sleep, my body was tired but my mind kept me awake. I felt like my body itself was sleeping but my mind wouldn't.

I just can't stop my subconscious mind from projecting this.

Unfortunately the nights are the hardest because you have no control of your mind and the thoughts keep racing. Unfortunately the fact that your mind isn't allowing you to go back to sleep is a reaction meachanism that protects you. When you are awake you can block things out one way or another and you feel better so subconsciously you are keeping yourself awake. See this is like a fresh wound at the moment and anything that goes on it stings so what your mind is doing is trying to prevent anything from hurting you. With time the wound will heal and will start hurting less. Drinking something to calm you down (something natural like camomile) is a good idea. To be honest I went through similar things and there is no magic recipe I can give you. Just stay focused and keep in mind that this won't last forever.

I had a very weird experience today. People might read this and think he's crazy but let me go into detail. In my life I have dreams, and these dreams depict a real life situation. When I have these dreams I know it but then they slip away (the memories). They often have me going through and feeling as if I have lived that moment in time before. Most times its just irrelevant stuff like driving somewhere but it hits me when it happens like wait... I've been here. And then the memories of the dream surface. You might think I'm crazy but I not.

Today it happened to me but it was different. I was sitting in my humanities class watching a movie, in this movie a guy bends down to pick up a white handkerchief a girl dropped, at that moment it hit me and a feeling of everything is going to be all right and calmness came over me. I knew I had seen it before and it tied into something else but at that moment I felt eased. I couldn't remember the other part of the "dream" but I just had a gut feeling something good came out of it.

Idk you probably are thinking this guys is crazy.

I am hurting again. I'm really sad. I want to talk to her so bad but I know no contact is best for me. I wish I could sleep one night without waking up a lot. I felt kind of numb at school today like a zombie again. Its really sucking. I've spent the last half hour with tears in my eyes. The pain in my chest came back and I am trying to keep my mind occupied. I am going to run to the store in a minute. Try to clear my head.

You need to surrender whatever control you think you have. People still remember their loves from 40, 50, 60 years ago and think about them sometimes. I still think of my first love and that was almost 15 years ago. You'll get better with time and NC. Just stick with it. As the sticky says "it WILL get better, even if it's nanobits each morning."

Man, all I can tell you is that the only remedy to these kinds of situation is TIME.

Suggestions :

MMA
Boxing
Running
Puzzles / Mind teasers
Cross words / ETC..

Do whatever you can to stray your thoughts away from the situation.

Well last night was a little better, but I still had a dream. I am trying to keep busy, but its very heard. I am off to school, its my long day today, 6 hours.

Done with school and feeling o.k. Still tired but every time I try to sleep my mind races. I have plans with some friends tomorrow night to go bowling so we'll see how all that goes.

This helped for me to get to sleep. Maybe it'll work for you.

The thing you need to make your reality right now, is that you have ZERO control over the situation (as far as you and your ex). There is NOTHING you can do to bring her back. The sooner you accept and realize this, the sooner you will fall asleep.

Good Luck.

You're doing all the right things bro. You're going to start feeling better before you know it. Food for thought, NC definitely gets easier with time. You still get the odd occasional spike, but the total all-encompassing desire eventually fades away.

I changed my phone number and email addresses too. I had/have a hard enough time dealing with this **** as it is, I don't need one loaded email from her taking that away. I wanted to remove as many variables as I could, so all I was dealing with was myself. Don't know how far you want/need to go. Think about it though.

I removed all contact points except I have email memorized. I didn't have her new numbers memorized but deleted them out of my phone. Yesterday was a really bad day. I had someone enter my life again after I hadn't talked to her for about 2 or 3 years. She moved away but it as nice to catch up with her. She has talked a lot to me and knows exactly what I am going through because she is/was going through the same thing.

I was really sad yesterday and just felt like pure sh*t. I ended up crying again. I went to Walmart to get some headphones and the guy at the counter was like "Dude are you alright?, your not going to pass out in here are you?" I was like not just tired.

I am surrendering control. I can't do anything to change this. I admitted it. Hopefully I can' feel like I feel now tomorrow now. I don't feel that bad.

Life keeps going with me going along or if I stop.

I wonder too sometimes. Should I chase my ex? Then I realize Im still afraid to walk away. It's already happened. I sometimes think she'll be waiting for me when I get home. She never is man. The fact is there's not a lot we can do right now if they just aren't keen. All we can do is walk and try not to look back. It sucks but I'm sure deep down you must agree.
I have the same feeling when I walk to my car after school. That she will be waiting there for me, to beg me back. But she isn't. I find myself get jittery when I get near home because in the back of my head I hope she is waiting there for me. But she isn't. I am trying to let go.

So far the hardest part of my day includes
Going to sleep, mind races.
Waking up, specially after a dream
Times when my mind wonders.

The way I see it is that if someone really wants to be with you, they say they love you, then why are they hurting you?
The last thing that people who are really committed to you will do is want to upset you. If they do upset you and you tell them so they will be devastated and will do whatever they can to make you happy.
I know its harsh but perhaps you should look forward to the day when you find this person.

I am looking forward to that day. I'm in the process of getting over this. It hurts and is hard. Its true if something loves you, you let it go and it will come back to you.

I know its hard but you need to look after you and try to do stuff to keep you occupied. Yes you are right... let it go and if it comes back to you it is meant to be. What's for you won't go past you!

*sigh* had 2 more dreams last night. I woke and kept telling myself its over, I have no control over what happened. Was hard to get back to sleep after that. I have plans this evening to go out with some friends so that might help. I actually was able to eat yesterday which included more then just 1/2 a sandwich.

Something good did happen yesterday, I was approved for a small grant, which added an extra 350 a semester. I have a pre cal test today so I hope I do good on that today.

Hang in there buddy, it will get better, as the dreams are only a passing storm. Seeing friends for fun, will do you good. Life will balance itself out, just stay on the path, you'll see. Good luck with your test.

From your responses to other peoples posts I think you have gone quite a long way since your first days. As time passes by you will feel less vulnerable to the dreams and to the idea of her not being there waiting for you and wanting you back. As time passes by and you start going out, living your life, new experiences will bridge that gap you might feel and give your mind new food for thought. All this is a phase that unfortunately many people go through. Stay focused and good luck on your test today!

School was kind of rough today. I did my test but didn't think I did that great on it. I had thoughts coming into my head and tried to dismiss them by telling myself its over and I have not control over it. Still hard.

I went out today and had a lot of fun it was nice. Something dawned on me while I was out... I can do what ever the hell I please atm. As far as not worrying about having a girl. It was kind of nice but the bowling alley reminded me of the last time I went with her. But I grew out of it as we all talked and bowled.

I ended up go back to friends house with his GF and eating pizza and just talking. It was really nice. But I did something stupid I looked at her myspace and she had Loved as her motion. Now that could mean a lot of things but I tell myself, I'm glad she feels loved. Not so much "HOW COULD SHE FEELED LOVED????" but kind of happy for her. I wish I could be an angry person. Also posted how she like nothing more to spend time with Him and her BFF and they are her life. But I think she might have saw myspace were I was talking to a former friend she kind of thought I liked, but it doesn't matter I let it go. Funny how things work out because I'm kind of talking to that girl again. It stings I'll admit but I read over the stickys here and calm down.

Just think of the poor boob who is sitting waiting, and wondering if she is thinking of him. Do you think he went out, and had fun, or even wants to? Do you think he will go out tomorrow, and maybe meet the one? When we get stuck in the past, life does pass us by.

So congrats for having a good time, and being ready for a better one.

Hard not to get upset over that. But I keep telling myself that life works itself out and there is defiantly a reason for everything. I have work from 8-6 tomorrow so it will be fun...

Like I said at first I was like . But then I calmed myself and said that's good she's happy. I will be soon too. Life has its messed up way of teaching us stuff.

All right going to work now :/. Again with the dreams. Hoping today will be a good day. Tired though. I regret looking on the myspace somewhat.

Expensive lesson??

Expensive lesson??!?!?!?!
*Sigh* yes. I'll let it go, stop thinking about it is hard. Work so far has been all right . Last night was o.k but dreams still hitting hard.

Things were all right at work, although it was about 90 out and humidity was at a horrid level.
I had thoughts through out the day about her but kept telling myself its all right. When the thoughts of what she posted on myspace came about I said "I'm glad she is happy, I'll be happy soon enough"

I am starting to worry myself. I am feeling like nothing is real again. I find It hard to remember the past week. Might be because I'm tired. Time is just passing and I have no sense of it. Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to minutes. I'm feeling numb again. But I do miss her smile, the sparkle in her eye.

Last night was kind of rough. I was so tired but could not sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep after being up for about 20 hours. I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep. Thoughts still constantly there.

Last night was kind of rough. I was so tired but could not sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep after being up for about 20 hours. I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep. Thoughts still constantly there.
I have trouble sleeping thinking about things too. It's rough to get the mind to stop when you find your thought always drifting. I been having dreams which make me feel like even when I do sleep I'm still dealing with my dilemma. How long until we get some peace?

I have trouble sleeping thinking about things too. It's rough to get the mind to stop when you find your thought always drifting. I been having dreams which make me feel like even when I do sleep I'm still dealing with my dilemma. How long until we get some peace?
I don't know I'm approaching the 2 week mark. So hard to do. Memories creep into my head, I find myself then wondering how could someone say what they said and then this happen. I try to comfort myself and I have no control and I'll be happy eventually.

I've recently went through something similar. Long story short we were together 2 years. He did everything for ME. Even looked at rings, etc. then really all of a sudden (two weeks later) needed "space." a month later got back together (with his effort), bought me a promise ring, then two weeks later again... SPACE!! During the space time, he met someone else. Now here is what I learned.

As much as it hurts and you feel that you cannot do anything without her. You don't have an appetite, don't reall want to go out, when you go on with work, school, etc. you're just going through the motions, and we all know the rest... let me tell you, I wallowed for exactly 2 days and I'm really fine now (not just convincing myself) here is why:
My favorite quote first "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"
1. you will never ever understand the reasons for any of it (she might not even know why, so how can you) so you will drive yourself to insanity trying to figure it all out. Would you call yourself insane? :)~
2. there are a lot of "if's" and "why's" but you can't change the past and can't predict the future, so live for right now.
3. don't let anyone tell you not to hurt, it's part of healing. Cry if you need to, but let it out and then don't let this consume you.
4. ever look back and see why something happened later on? For every down there is an up. No matter how bad something gets, there is always something better lingering right after it... so start looking forward to something exciting around the corner.
5. yes it might be her, she may absolutely come back, but she needs to see it for herself, and as much as you want to "help" her she will only have to learn her lesson, or make the choice for herself. We as humans love to learn our own lessons. But LEARN from the lesson...
6. as long as you feel you've done everything, that's what matters. Listen to your heart, but don't listen to that constant chatter in your mind. We're all here if you need more. :)~

I don't know I'm approaching the 2 week mark. So hard to do. Memories creep into my head, I find myself then wondering how could someone say what they said and then this happen. I try to comfort myself and I have no control and I'll be happy eventually.

Here's something that might help with that chatter in your brain... try to concentrate on now. The mind can't focus on two things at once. It may drift between two thoughts, but never two or more at once. We like to relive memories, etc. because it gives us familiarity, but doesn't do us good. Now if you can go outside for this, great, if not, you can do this anywhere you are right now.

Look at the things around you, really look at them, focus on the colors, textures, etc.. listen to the sounds around you, some of them you will all of a sudden realize they are there and didn't really hear them before... a clock ticking, the wind, a car driving by, etc. even just focus on your hand, the lines, the color, your fingernails...

Anytime you need to clear your mind, focus on the immediate NOW, and it should help with the mind chatter... let me know if it helps, even just a little, or even for just a few seconds... if it does, then with more practice, you can get better at it...

I have found music and playing a game distracts me. But They still creep around. Hard to stop the image of her face in my mind. I do everything I can to distract my mind but in the end they come back. As soon as my mind has a moment of non distraction Bam they are back.

I have found music and playing a game distracts me. But They still creep around. Hard to stop the image of her face in my mind. I do everything I can to distract my mind but in the end they come back. As soon as my mind has a moment of non distraction Bam they are back.

Of course they creep back, unfortunately we cannot just shut our heads up. But even if it's temporary, it helps. That is exactly why you'll hear everyone say, keep busy and do things you love. But when you just have to shut it off, do it again... every time they creep up. Refuse your thoughts to drive you nuts, drive your thoughts nuts instead. The more you do it, the longer and better it works.

Oh and another thing that might help (it helps me) is write everything down. When we are confused and have questions, we want to let them out. Have the other person hear US and what we think or feel, have them know how we hurt and how what they are doing is sometimes selfish because we are feeling too... I think maybe even getting on this site helped you a little... maybe?

So write all your thoughts, it helps you release them... even if you crumple or burn the page after so no one reads it... and then even reading what you write after you're done with the thought helps too... that's why we like to go to our friends and other people for advice... much of it is to let it all out... and sometimes we get good advice and are ready to take it.

When will I get it back? Will you ever return it? You might not even know you still have it after things changed. It probably has slipped your mind or has it? Like a shelf missing a book its noticeable. It was given without a question, with no strings attached because I thought I'd never have to get it back. But seeing as you have no use for it now when can I have it back? To get it back would fill the empty space on the middle of the shelf. It would ease my mind and fill that blank spot.

Get what back exactly? Your sanity, or her?

get what back exactly? your sanity, or her?
My heart.

You have to understand that only YOU can fill your voids. We cannot rely on other people to fill them. I am not saying to never trust her or anyone ever again. But this is our life, not theirs. It is NOT being selfish. If you are not happy and cannot make yourself happy, then how can you make anyone else happy, or how can they make you happy?

The point is to be able to SHARE a life with people... whether they be friends, family, companions, partners, girlfriends, wives, etc. not have them be in control of your happiness. You will "get it back."... I'm going to wait to hear from you before I go on ;)

U said it before I answered. YOUR heart.

Its not meant in the sense I need her. Not saying I need her to be happy or anything. Sense of moving on. I think you misunderstood it but then again I left it open for interpretation.

Well you have a strong head, and mostly know what to do... sometimes we just need to hear confirmations of what we already know. You said it perfect in your last response... it all sucks, and we like to give our love...

Time only heals that part, that part will be filled again, whether it be with her, or someone else... you have to be positive though. If you just KNOW 100% that you are meant to be together than KNOW you will be in time... if you are not so sure, know to not keep your eyes closed and that feeling will pass

Know what helped me a little too... I found myself always wondering what he was doing, or thinking, or wondering if we would get back together...

So I did this: well I'm not calling him. (and I put myself in his shoes)...

It works the other way too. In time she'll say... I really thought he'd be there, why hasn't he tried to call me? What's he doing, did he forget about me? Did I mess up? That's the stuff that will get her thinking, so keep strong... that part usually works.

Time... that forever constant. The only cure for a broken heart is time. Seems like a cruel joke does it not? I appreciate the words of encouragement, I do. But things are much easier said then done. To not call or message her has put my limit of restraint to the test. Its like Adam and Eve if you know the story. The point of NC is not to win them back. As someone posted (sorry I can't give credit atm) It will either bring them sniffing around or high fiving their friends you haven't talked to them. But I can not sit and wait for the false hope as time does not stop for anyone. If I sit and wait life will pass me by. I have not turned down any social invitations. I even went out with some friends I never really have.

I am not in denial, I'm not sitting waiting by the phone or on the computer for a possible message. I have even opened myself to a former friend who had an interest in me and mind you still does. I am not looking to open another chapter at the moment but to be able to talk and she can relate to my situation helps. I am ready for what ever is waiting down the road.

She messaged me.I lost the other part she messaged me. Basically asked me how I was. I said fine asked her. But after talking and she explained I did need to let my feelings go for her. She lost internet and then this her best friend messaged me F.U.C.K this.

Steph: Nate, britt wanted me to tell you that her internet isn't working...she's off watching a movie...but we need to talk...just you and me...
wikedjuggalo1001: :/
wikedjuggalo1001: Talk away. My heart is broken.
Steph: Nate, first of all, i've seen your myspace...you need to take micheal buble OFF of your page and stop blogging like an emo kid...you're not emo..and trying to suck every last drop of sympathy out of everyone will only make you feel worse...i'm your friend and i'm britts friend, ans as your friend i will say thart britt was a sucky girlfriend, she beat you up and made you do things you didn't want to do...
wikedjuggalo1001: Look I did what I wanted to
Steph: i honestly do not think this is love, i think you think it is because she was with you for so long and was affectionate
wikedjuggalo1001: Is that what is is about? She thinks she wasnt good enough?
Steph: i'm just saying...start the healing process, stop moping around...
Steph: NO lol hell no
wikedjuggalo1001: I am starting the healing process
wikedjuggalo1001: I didnt talk to her
wikedjuggalo1001: I removed her from my life.
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm trying
wikedjuggalo1001: You try having your heart crushed
Steph: ....been there done that ...
Steph: this is your first big fling...it's hard i understand that but you're only hurting yourself more
wikedjuggalo1001: Stepg
wikedjuggalo1001: You know what it took for me not to call her
wikedjuggalo1001: and
wikedjuggalo1001: Not meaning to sound angry
Steph: you'll look back on this and think "we really weren't right for eachother"
Steph: it's ok
Steph: i felt it...
wikedjuggalo1001: Sigh
wikedjuggalo1001: I thought I felt something too
wikedjuggalo1001: I thought I felt it when she looked me in my eyes and said I can't wait to marry you
Steph: i remember my first thought when i saw how you guys were toigether.....i thought "she's gonna hurt him without meaning too"
Steph: nate...release....you need to let it go....the sooner you do the better it will feel
wikedjuggalo1001: I have been
wikedjuggalo1001: I truly have been
wikedjuggalo1001: But it wont be over night
wikedjuggalo1001: Nothing hurts more then being left for someone else
wikedjuggalo1001: and I'm not being emo
Steph: i know, just don't mope...ok? you've been online ALOT...you NEVER blog...
wikedjuggalo1001: I have left my stuff up
wikedjuggalo1001: if you must know I have been out with friends and such
wikedjuggalo1001: I went bowling and such
Steph: i just don't want you to fall into some pit of despair...you know?
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm climbing out of it after someone threw me in it
wikedjuggalo1001: Or was attempting too
Steph: lol..nate this si what i'm talking about...go look, a great guy like you will find someone A THOUSAND TIMES MORE AMAZING...
Steph: is there anyone you even looked at or thought of when you were together even in teh SLIGHTEST???
wikedjuggalo1001: Honestly one person but I didnt want to end what we had
Steph: who was it?
wikedjuggalo1001: Does not matter that ship sailed away
Steph: well who...now i'm curious lol
wikedjuggalo1001: Kristi. But I don't wanna hear well maybe you should be with her
wikedjuggalo1001: I know what my heart wanted
wikedjuggalo1001: I will heal and move on
Steph: brittany want you to be happy...she really does because you are a great guy.
Steph: brittany want you to feel what she's feeling...listen, she thought she was inlove too until it REALLy hit her, she still cares for you alot...and wants you to be happy...
wikedjuggalo1001: Yeah I will eventually
wikedjuggalo1001: I wont heal from being left for someone else over night
wikedjuggalo1001: Its not human too
Steph: i know, i just thought you needed some tough love, you know...tell you to get off your and find someone new, because mostly everyone will just ptiy you and call britt a and ...
wikedjuggalo1001: Yeah I told them I didnt wanna hear it
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm not looking for sympthay
Steph: good...do you want any of your stuff back? britt was talkign to me about it the other day and she said she'd talk to you about ti but i guess she forgot...we'll bring anything you want back over
wikedjuggalo1001: What ?
Steph: all the stuff you gave her and stuff
wikedjuggalo1001: I don't want anything back.
wikedjuggalo1001: Thats just retarded
Steph: ok lol
Steph: is there anything of britts that you wanna give back to her?
wikedjuggalo1001: She can have her calculater back after Pre-cal or after I get money to buy one
Steph: has she talked to you about it?
wikedjuggalo1001: No
wikedjuggalo1001: I don't want to
wikedjuggalo1001: This is it.
wikedjuggalo1001: You want me to heal.........
Steph: ok
Steph: yes
Steph: i do...
Steph: get rid of all her stuff, heal, find someone that you truly love
wikedjuggalo1001: I already did
wikedjuggalo1001: got rid of it
Steph: it'll hit you....lol
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm glad it sounds that easy
wikedjuggalo1001: But goodbye
Steph: ok...bye
wikedjuggalo1001: I hope you and Jason stay happy, I hope she will be happy
Steph: i hope you will be happy too
wikedjuggalo1001: She crushed my heart
wikedjuggalo1001: But I'll get over it in time
Steph: like a rock.. i know....
wikedjuggalo1001: Glad its so easy for her
Steph: i know you will..^_^
wikedjuggalo1001: Really does speak volumes of how she felt about ,e
Steph: love is love nate...she's in it
wikedjuggalo1001: Which is great
Steph: she wasn't INlove with you nate
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm glad
wikedjuggalo1001: I know that now
wikedjuggalo1001: it has been made clear, It couldnt have been waived any closer in my face
wikedjuggalo1001: Goodbye
wikedjuggalo1001: I hope she stays happy with him and you with Jason

I can be free. I know how she feels now. The questions were answered. I'm not crying I'm not shaking. I can see now. I can see he friend was right. I would jump through hoops for her. I thought it was love, but it truly was not. Now I must begin to find one who will. I can see now We'd do anything she wanted to regardless of my feelings. That's not right. Everyone's post make so much sense now. It was what she wanted when she wanted that's not a healthy relationship. Now I know.

If that conversation helped, I'm glad. Your young, my man. You've got your ENTIRE life to find the girl that is perfect for you. We all do.

Glad it all finally makes sense... time to get OFF that Emotional Rollercoaster and get on with your life.

Even after it makes sense it doesn't... lol. :)~

I know you may be ready to move on, but another piece of advice... heal first before you date anyone you remotely care about, you might realize later you weren't ready and end up hurting them... I think you mentioned a friend? If you are thinking of starting something with this friend, and she felt for you all this time, then she will want you to heal first too. AND be able to wait. The worst thing of all is being hurt and then hurting someone else... it's happened to me before, and the only reason... I didn't give myself time to heal and feel all that I was supposed to.

I am getting off this roller coaster. I told her I don't need to be contacted again. Looking back I see I was blinded because someone showed me affection. Stupid mistake. But now I know. I have learned.

I won't go around starting a relationship I'm not ready too. I'm not completely healed but I'm off the roller coaster. I was healing over this NC part. But now I don't see it as a NC time. She doesn't exist in my book anymore. There is no need too. It was made clear she did not love me, and looking back I am doubting what I felt. I wonder if it was just the affection that clouded me. Mind you the sex was great I'll miss that. But I won't miss running around doing stuff. I mean I would do anything, but that boils down to more of what kind of person I am then I was blinded.

I am happy when I see other people happy and by doing stuff for people I do just that.
Something dawned on me lol. She didn't get my blog about the missing item. She brought up maybe she had something I needed back but it wasn't an item it was my heart I needed back. She returned it when she had this conversation.

But now I jump back into the sea of people, I have been out of it for a while.

Everyone thanks for the advice. Taking some of it I think helped me not be cut as deep. Looking back the question that ran through my head were answered. I can let her go for good now.

I will take time to look back on the relationship and see what I did that was unhealthy and right off the back her best friend pointed it out. I did anything and everything she asked for. That's not healthy.

I know she had feelings for me and I defiantly do/did for her. But it wasn't love it was affection for each other. It ran its course.

I won't let life pass me by. I will embrace what is out there and know one day I will be happy with the one for the rest of my life. Down the road.

Now to bed. No more sadness no more sleepless nights.

We're here if you "relapse" haha. Just kidding... not really funny but sometimes we think we're ready, I've had enough, I'm not stupid, I'm moving on, etc.

This part at least makes us smarter and wiser, and another step forward (which is always good) but sometimes, just when you think you are ready to move back on, the memories creep forward. I hope this doesn't happen for you, but of course we are here if it does.

we're here if you "relapse" haha. just kidding...not really funny but sometimes we think we're ready, i've had enough, i'm not stupid, i'm moving on, etc.

this part at least makes us smarter and wiser, and another step forward (which is always good) but sometimes, just when u think u r ready to move back on, the memories creep forward. i hope this doesn't happen for you, but of course we are here if it does.
I hope they don't either but I felt closer. I know everything wasn't a lie and I also know it was not really love. Its clear now. I embrace the memories and enjoyed the time.

Yes, very important that u see that everything wasn't a lie. Every good memory is worth holding on to. You're are going to be very okay... you're not lost, and you know what to do. It just sucks that it happens. But we learn and we grow and it makes our next relationship better because we know more of what we want, what we want to give, and what we'd like to experience... sweet dreams my dear <3

I'm feeling pretty good this morning. There was a message up from her Best Friend asking if I was o.k etc that she didn't want to sound mean last night etc. I just closed it and continued getting ready for school. For the first time in 2 weeks I did not have a dream of her. I instead had a dream of losing my college ID, which I hope I do not.

I did have some negative thoughts last night but I dismissed them. I only woke up once for a little while.

I'm hungry...

I'm not completely done but after last night I do not know something was lifted.

It gets easier bro - I still can't believe how, but it does.

Sounds like you're in for a good day. You're young, you have your health, the whole world is sitting for us out there man. We're both going to be OK.

I'm not completely done but after last night I do not know something was lifted.

You still need time but you have gone a long way from those first days and you have accepted the situation for what it is. I agree with cowboyjai in that it does get easier with time. And as time passes by the weight you felt you were carrying around gets lifted and you can slowly start living your life again. And you will occasionally get the negative thoughts or dreams but each time you will place less importance on them. In a sense that is a driving force by itself. The drive to get to the point were you won't have any negative thoughts.

You still need time but you have gone a long way from those first days and you have accepted the situation for what it is. I agree with cowboyjai in that it does get easier with time. And as time passes by the weight you felt you were carrying around gets lifted and you can slowly start living your life again. And you will occassionally get the negative thoughts or dreams but each time you will place less importance on them. In a sense that is a driving force by itself. The drive to get to the point were you wont have any negative thoughts.
I had thoughts of her today, but not a negative way they didn't make me sad. I remember the good times of stuff we did, once or twice the though why would she say she loved me and then not now , but I dismissed them by saying at that time that's what we thought it was.

I can see clearly now it was not really a healthy relationship as I stated I did everything she asked trying to make her happy. I guess the attention plus the sex blinded me. She didn't take advantage of me in the way of money or anything and she may not have really meant to.

Well today has been good. I'm in the process of planning a trip to WV. Sometime next month. Be nice to have a vacation. I'll have my check from school and such so ^^. I still am thinking of her but not hurting like I was. Like I said just memories. I do not how to explain it to be honest. After that conversation something was lifted.

I can not thank everyone on here enough, although I did not want to believe it.

I am finding I am having feelings rekindling for this old girl who moved away. I am taking it very careful. I do not want to hurt or be hurt. I have spoken to her a lot on myspace lately. I do not want to leap frog into anything so I won't. I am going to keep it cool and calm.

Be careful of those feelings, wiked. Your heart and mind might be playing tricks on you, wanting to replace feelings that have just been lost.

Be careful of those feelings, wiked. Your heart and mind might be playing tricks on you, wanting to replace feelings that have just been lost.
That is what I keep telling myself. I am in no position to start a relationship. Why I am playing it cool and calm. Its mostly been us talking about my situation and how she can relate, had the same thing happen to her. I keep telling myself take it easy, don't jump on any feelings yet.

I ended up talking to her for a while last night catching up on the past and having a good conversation. I did not discuss any relationship or feelings but I did decide to keep those stuffed away for a while. I'm not ready for anything and I'm pretty sure she is not too. Right now I'm treating her as a good friend. Its been nice catching up and talking to someone who had the same thing happen.

I am at school and I ended up seeing her car and which brought memories up. I was just glad I did not see her. At first I was kind of upset but then I let it go after eating my lunch. I like to sit in my car to each lunch and listen to my music. I am still letting go, and will continue to be a process. I'll admit my heart skipped a beat when I saw it because I normally am on the opposite side of campus at all times of her. But I am heading to English soon and I am trying to let it go.

I've been there man, seeing the ex's car. I know exactly what you mean with the heart skipping a beat. It's just one of those things hey? We're getting stronger all the time.

An epiphany I had the other night bro - I didn't just lose a lover, but she was also my best friend. I think that second thing was harder to deal with than the first. It's why I hang with buddies so much now. They replace that second factor and it fills the gap somewhat.

Keep it up man

I hear you about the car as well. My ex just happens t work in the same office building as me (5 floors up, thank god), and my office window faces the parking lot. I can see her pull in and out sometimes in the morning, and walk into the building. It's a struggle every day not to look out the window at those specific times.

Ahh in trouble here guys. Now I know I'm still hurt by what happened. But this girl has always been head over heals in love with me. Back when she was around before this relationship I did like her but I was too scared to act on those feelings. Life kept on going and she moved away and had to deal with her own relationship heart break.

I'm not pursuing a relationship at this moment. I did explain that at the moment I'm afraid of a relationship. She really is not either but has stated more then once her feelings towards me.

My heart wants something but my Brain tells me to take it easy, which I am listening to at the moment. I'm taking it easy and slow and just talking and keeping my life open to everything at this point

Listen to your brain. Your heart is nothing but a big broken piece of goo at the moment.

Listen to your brain. Your heart is nothing but a big broken piece of goo at the moment.
Ahh tell me about it. Luckily I'm listening to my head. Its telling me don't jump on stuff. Talk but don't get attached or anything like that. I am leaving my life completely open still accepting all social invites and talking to a lot of people I have not when I was in a relationship. I spoke to her for a good hour and half yesterday as friends just talking about stuff and mind you I do not like sitting on the phone. I am trying to take it easy but finding I'm not sure how.

Sorry for posting just writing it all out.

Don't be sorry for posting. Post away. We are all here to listen to each other and help each other out!

So today was a good day not to many thoughts. Nothing close to before that conversation. I can not explain it but, after that I do not know if I just locked the feelings away or just let it go but I feel lifted. I can not explain it.

I ended up eating lunch with a friend, she's a lesbian and had me dying laughing. She's not the brightest crayon in the box but we all can not be. I usually just eat alone but today was different and I like different now :).

I am planning on a trip next month to visit this friend I have been talking to. Not to pursue a relationship, she has been depressed lately. She is having a really hard time getting over her ex. Me and her best friend will be taking a trip up there to visit during my fall break.

All in all a good day. Mind you I do not know what I would if confronted by my ex face to face I think I could not do it.

I feel the ezaxt same way man, that's why I made sure I fell off the radar entirely. I don't know how I would take seeing her. That's why I've made sure I don't. I feel fine now and I don't even WANT to be found anymore.

I feel the ezaxt same way man, that's why I made sure I fell off the radar entirely. I don't know how I would take seeing her. That's why I've made sure I don't. I feel fine now and I don't even WANT to be found anymore.
Yup thank god all my classes are when she is not there and if she is I'm parked across campus. It sucks but I feel best is out of sight out of mind.

Today has been a good day. Not much happened. I spoke some more to that friend and just had a good day. She put a smile on face :)

Awesome man :) happy for you. My closest friend now (who have witnessed everything) have started to say I'm ready to really throw my lot in now and get back out there. They're right I think - the baggage is gone now. Now it's only a matter of meeting girls ;)

What about you man, you feel like your close tto that point yet?

Yeah man I really do. Stuff just hit me after that conversation. I cannot for the life of me explain it. Not ready for a serious relationship but I have some interested. Again I wish I could explain it but Stuff just was realized. I look back now and of course have some feelings for her but feel if she asked me back do not think I would. Ask me a week ago and I would have jumped on it. I see now our relationship might have not been what I though it was.

I still do not want to see her. I wish her no ill will and wish the best for her and her new BF. I have no room in my heart for hate. I guess it was the fact of being told that she loved me but was not in love with me. That she was in love with this new guy. I am thanking It came out now instead of years later. I feel I am ready to move on , I'm still not completely healed but you know I feel a million times better.

O man a very very horrible night last night. I had 3 dreams 2 which involved her. These are the ultimate form of set back.

First one I ended up having to help her with something and I just remember feeling like crap because she kept telling me she was not really in love with me

Second one had to deal with my farther who has leukemia and I really really do not want to go back into that.

Third one dealt with her again. We were friends and I was helping her again. She started to text me about how She will never forget me and how she did love me but not like that.

Very rough night.

I am sorry to hear about your rough dreams man. It sounds like you are going through a really rough patch at the moment but this is definitely going to pass. Take notice how the dreams have now changed and it is not of her coming back to you so I would definitely not say that they are a major setback. If anything it shows how much you have progressed. You are accepting the situation for what it is and although it might still hurt it is the right thing to do. I still get dreams after almost 3months but nowhere near as rough as they used to be that first month.

Don't take the dreams as setbacks, they are just feeling coming out the best way they can, so don't make them more important than they are. They will pass.

Don't take the dreams as setbacks, they are just feeling coming out the best way they can, so don't make them more important than they are. They will pass.
I am trying not to. The one with her first upset me and then the one with my father just screwed everything up. It was just rough. I mean I admitted to my friend today that if she called me and asked me back I will say no. I did not step out of her life she stepped out of mine. Life is hard sometimes I feel I have a lot on my plate at the moment and I am truly trying to make the best out of it.

I had a good day today. I went to school for about 6 hours and then work for another 6 so busy day. Tomorrow I work 8-6 PM so I will be nice and tired when I get home.

I think life has it messed up way of showing us things.

Life does have a way of showing us things. You and I will both be better people when this is all said and done. When we first broke up, I thought I was being punished for wrong things I did in the past. Not anymore. I'm taking this as a learning experience, whether I find another mate or not.

Life does have a way of showing us things. You and I will both be better people when this is all said and done. When we first broke up, I thought I was being punished for wrong things I did in the past. Not anymore. I'm taking this as a learning experience, whether I find another mate or not.
Made a mistake today or did I? I saw her myspace and she is all over this new guy but you know what instead of being mad it just made me realize. She was not over me like that. Just goes to show that my feelings were stronger then hers. I'm glad its over before we got down further on this road. It does sting a little but you know o well. I can see she is truly in love with this guy I will find a girl who will love me as much as I love them !

On a better note this girl I have been talking to has helped me a lot. Every time I talk to her she puts a smile on my face. I keep telling myself take it easy but I cannot help it. I have not really felt like this towards anyone. Trying to take it easy I am. One door closes another opens.

Another dream involving her I want to just write it out here.
The longer time goes past it the less I will remember.

Basically I was leaving a class when I saw her. But she was different wearing a lot of goth stuff (She never has). She said Hi and I said hey how's it going. She replied good I'm going to meet up with a bunch of guys. She would not look me in the eyes.

For some reason I felt the urge to tell her this in my dream, I grabbed her and said Britt I love you and this is why I'm telling you this. Don't do something with them you'll regret like having a kid don't screw you life up. After that she just walked off.

Not sure what the hell it is meant to mean. But just upsetting I had another dream involving her.

Ahhh damn man, that sucks .

How you holding up otherwise? Today has sucked for me, I feel like I'm dying again

ahhh damn man, that sucks .

How you holding up otherwise? Today has sucked for me, I feel like I'm dying again

I'm holding in there. I have work from 8 to 6 (Its 7:30 AM) so I'll be busy. Hold in there buddy take it one day at a time. I read your other post just haven't had time to comment man. Keep your head up and we all will get through the rough patches.

Okay friend I have read through most of your post and read a lot of the responses.. Well I went through the same thing earlier this year, and let me tell you from my experience a break is just that... LOL Even though I never wanted to listen to it when people told me I realized it finally. I was told to give space and then I was the guy on the side and always went to her house and did favors around the house, all along while someone else was enjoying the fruit.

Now I had a really rough time but I did find the inner strength to move on. It was hard but like I told a lot of friends and family, everything I was doing and working on even when going over and still doing things for her was my full cup. By that I mean I gave it my best and my all. I don't have any regrets nor those thoughts of I could have done this or that. After so much I was finally able to say, "you know what I am done. Time to move on", and I did. Took a lot of inner strength but I did, but because you are the better person you will be remembered.

There are times I have dreams too, and I wake up saying "what the heck was THAT???" lol but it is a part of life. I will always love that person, but I will never be with that person, but carry that love somewhere else. I did decide not to carry the hurt or the burden on to the next person as it would not be fair to them or me. Everyone deserves a chance and you deserve a chance to find someone more deserving of you then that person who left you. Trust me good or bad she will remember you, so feel good about yourself. To keep thoughts of her in your mind and in sight is to hurt yourself, rather see her car or whatever and say wow, I sure am glad I am not with that car anymore... LOL sorry had to bring some sort of humor to your life.. That's it... Cause I tend to do it a lot. Bring humor into your life, laugh a lot and love a lot of people around you. Especially those who have comforted you during these times.

Now I dated a lot of women since then but I did explain my situation from the get go. I simply explained the past relationship and said hey if this doesn't work out, at least I gain a new friend, and you know what? I still talk to them just as friends. Isn't that great? I do now have a beautiful girlfriend who WOW has so much more to offer... Never really thought of it but sometimes the bad things in life that hurt open your eyes to the things your missing right in front of you. Oh yeah, my biggest move for me that helped me the most... I WENT BACK TO CHURCH... and put my life and direction in GODS hands.. Not saying that's what you should do, but faith in something is what every person should have and will place either a path for you or point you in the right direction...

One more thing. Great your going to school and finishing the most important thing in your life. Doing something for YOU...

Its still fresh. And I think I have come a long way from when I first posted. I know I have. Like I said looking at her myspace opened my eyes even more. Goes to show the love I thought she had for me was not there. I know what I had for her and I just will have to find someone who will share those feelings with me. Mind you it does sting but In time it will stop. I'm glad she is able to find someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with because in the end I look back on everything that we did and take it as a learning experience. Because if I do not then what is the point of going through this?

I do not look back and feel I could have done something differently to change her. I let go of that. I do not know life has its ways of working. Just going to be patient. I cannot stop the thoughts but they are defiantly not as intense.

I'm glad it's all coming together for you, wiked. I'm sure I'll be there soon. Sounds like we have similar stories. Girls left only to replace you near immediately with someone else. To have fun with, cuddle with, watch movies with, date with, have sex with, etc. It hurts, but it gets better day by day. We'll get over that hump soon!

This has turned into an online journal kind of.

Today was long work day. I got there at 8 AM and didn't leave till past 7PM. It was fine expect memories pop up because I work only about a mile from where she lives. I hope the dreams tonight won't be bad. Its hard to wake up after one and act calm. Everything seems so distant in the past. I just really do not want to see her face I just do not want to ever talk to her after this hurt. I will and still do have feelings for her.

I had a decent amount of energy today work even though I did not get tons of sleep. A Co worker brought up her and had a small talk about her. I kind of wish I had not but its what ever.

Tomorrow I am helping my neighbhor who I do not really know or talk to replace his alternator because he is mechanically handicapped (I mean that as nicely as possible). I do not mind working on cars or computers. It something I like doing. I got to do some studying for my physics class falling behind because of how I was a freaking zombie those days. I failed a quiz in there but the quiz's only count 13% so I'll be all right.

Someone else has been distracting my mind lately. But I had a conversation with her and we both agreed not to put a title on anything and wait a bit. I know she is still recovering and so am I. I do not want to ruin something that might be great by jumping in it. I do have feelings for her but I do not want to possible ruin it by jumping too soon.

I did not get my check from school like I was hoping today but maybe Monday it will be here. I need a vacation.

All in all o.k day besides those damned dreams. I am staying away even more from alcohol after reading jai's story.

Tell me about it. Man, I really want to call her and ask her out for dinner.

I almost need someone to talk me down from doing it.

Well today was going good I got my pay check until a number popped on up on cellphone. I did not answer because I knew who it was. Even though I can't for the life of me remember the exact number of her cellphone When I saw it I knew I just knew who it was. I did not want to talk to her. So I did not. I let it go to voicemail. She did not leave one but good. I had a moment of weakness and was like maybe I should call her back but I resisted. I deleted the number out of my phone just in case of a moment of weakness later.

*Sigh* It was tough. I did not get too upset or anything but now I wonder should I have had. But the answer is no I should not have and that's what I did. My gut said do not answer it and I listened. Either she was calling to see how I was doing to ease her guilt or to apologize I do not want to hear it. She just cut me too deep. I just do not want to talk or see her again. At least right now.

I gave her the world. I was there for her during the rough times she had in her life and she was there for me. She even cried with me when I found out my father has Leukemia. Humans are too complicated to understand. Damn emotions.

But I am letting it go trying not to let it bother me too deeply. I am proud of myself for not calling back or anything.

That is a step in the right direction. Small victories add up, well done!

Holy **** man, good work! That takes major steel. I probably would have answered... it's why I changed my number (I guess that was dealing with it in my own way).

Major props, keep us updated

I just do not want to talk or see her again. At least right now.

You are being rational and definitely doing the right thing here. Keep it up! Might have stirred up some emotions but you have gone through much worse. Remind yourself that if she calls again or tries to contact you.

Well I had another dream last night.

I was on the phone with her and I do not know why. But she was telling me how she was going to date this guy named
Jamie. I asked her if her and terry were working she replied nah. Then she went on to tell me how she was going to
Go to a play with etc. I then asked her if she was ever happy with me. She replied "No not really.. I just wanted
sex"To be honest I do not remember exactly what she said she wanted I think it was sex. I think the word she used
Was man meat I do not clearly remember. At that point I could hear her step mother in the background saying "You
only went out with for that?" and she said "Yeah'. Which her step mother contiuned to call her a lot of names and
They got into an argument. I found the end a little funny because her step mother always said she did not derserve
Me.

My ex is not really that kind of person. But who knows.She did what she did to me.

I really hate dreams about the ex it messes with my head. Keep up your strength with the NC. Very impressive you ignored the call and didn't act on the urge to call the number back.

Funny thing today. I found my new shorts shagging :O now I do not wear my clothes like that :D Guess I lost a little weight.

Haha, wicked. I hear that. I lost 12 lbs the weeks after we broke up. Nothing to do now but try to get it back in muscle!

Haha, wicked. I hear that. I lost 12 lbs the weeks after we broke up. Nothing to do now but try to get it back in muscle!

Lol well I am not keep track I just know that my shorts never sagged before and now they do :D

Well today is going to be rough have school and work total of 12 hours today but that nor my ex will be on my mind. My father started his bone marrow transplant and I'm very afraid of him rejecting it. His wife (my stepmother) will be calling me at any moment to let me know how it goes. I do not know what I would do if I lost him. He has always been there with the greatest advice for me. I love him.

Keep your head up, you and your family are in the prayers of everyone on the board I'm sure!

Keep your head up, you and your family are in the prayers of everyone on the board I'm sure!

Thanks man still no word yet.

Romefalls is right wiked all our prayers are with you and your family. Just stay strong!

Well the news good as of now. I was starting to freak out a bit because my phone died and had no way of being contacted. He is going o.k as it stands right now.

Besides that my day was o.k. One of my co-workers told me how they say me ex and my reply was simply this "So?".

I still have feelings for her but no were near like a few weeks ago.

Well tonight has been good. I have been talking to this old friend for a bit tonight. Cheered me and I have been talking on the phone with her for about 2 hours.

My father is doing good. Everything seems to taking fine but still not out of the woods yet and that will be on my mind.

Wow what a day :D. I cannot wait for this trip. My phone has been blown up by my old friend. We just click and talking to her feels so natural. She had me looking completely retarded smiling and blushing while my ENG was going on about Assisted Suicide. I can't wait to get and see her next month. But You know I did not really think of my ex today I guess my mind was distracted.

I left my backpack at work so I got to go by tomorrow and grab it before school :(.

My father is doing good as of now. Which is a relief but not out of the thickets yet.

Sept. 3rd,


I'm completely crushed as I stated because I feel powerless and would do anything to stop this pain I feel,

Sept. 25th.

But You know I did not really think of my ex today I guess my mind was distracted.
Hardly recognize you anymore.

Prayers to your family.

Sept. 3rd,

Sept. 25th.
.
Hardly recognize you anymore.

Prayers to your family.

Man I know. I was reading back over and thinking wow. I do worry if I am moving too fast with "healing" I know I'm not completely there but looking back I have come along way from where I started.

Kind of a rough day to start. Well I left my backpack at work last night and thus could not study for my physics quiz which I promptly failed because I could not get my backpack before said quiz. Well I had to get it since I could not go to Pre-cal with out it. Missed that class and had my friend Lindsey ride with me (the lesbian friend). After that it was a good day. We grabbed something to eat and talked and laughed a bit.

The closer the day gets to my vacation the more anxious I get to leave. I can't wait to meet up with this old friend. I know she is really looking forward to it. Also my car needs some work done :). Like I stated before I like this girl as does she to me. But I do not want to rush into anything. She will be moving back here come Dec we'll see where I'm at then.

But so far everything is o.k today. Beside my Physics class.

From my old friend. She has just completely blown me away. She just sent me that message on myspace.

"What I don't understand, is why you think I won't be into you when you come up here. You have no idea, and your second thoughts, are silly. I'm really into you, I can't quit thinking about you, I go to sleep with you in my thoughts, and wake up the very same. I've never met someone so real, Ive always thought highly of you, and Ive always wanted to be your girl. Just yours. The tingles you give me, ugh to this day, are amazing. Dont be low in self eestem, because you are so sexy, oh so sexy. And I adore you literally. Nate I could see me with you forever, I could see a future, and for now I can only imagine it. I know if we gave us a shot back then, that we'd still be together this day. Happy. I dont want to sound weird, and stalkish, or rush anything, because Im not ready to throw myself at anyone. My heart to me is still torn and bruised. And it no longer waits for that one, true person. It lost its faith, and so have I. Im not happy. I dont know what happy is, nor do I really think its for me. But I want you to know, that she didnt deserve you, you are too pure, too good hearted, too clean. She didnt respect you and she took advantage. If I had you, Id feel blessed, spoiled. I would never use you, and Id always be there to help you, encourage you to be your best, and love you for everything you are. If you made a mistake, Id forgive you, and not give you hell for it. If we were to argue, Id only kiss you and hold you as close as I possibly could, because I wouldnt want to lose you, Id do my best to make you happy, and tell you everyday how much you mean too me. If you had a hard day, id rub you from your head to your toes, and listen to your day, if you ever were sore, id kiss every part of you just to make sure I got the right part. Id make you smile with the goofy I do, Im a trip. And everyday would be different, never the same, Id be there for you, no matter the issue. I could be dirt poor with you, and somehow still be thankful because I have you. Still be happy, you are sweet babe. And im crazy about you."

Funny I was talked to my friend and basically got on a conversation about how my ex would call again etc. And
Well damn it. I just got off the phone with my ex she called me from a number I did not recognize. I knew as soon as I heard the voice. Of course my heart was racing the whole time but honestly I'm not that affected.

She asked if I emailed her father which I did and I said I did. She went to say how she did not appreciate me doing that and asked me why. I explained I regretted doing so and felt I did over step the lines. She went to say something but not doing any more crazy stuff or I'll regret it etc. But I just brushed it off and said o.k goodbye. I have no plans on communicating her or any of her family and have not for a while now.

Now I did not bad mouth her at all. Simply had emailed her father apologizing for something that happened before they left to Japan.

I guess in the end she lied to her family about what she did. And after emailing her father, he gave her a very good earful. He family absolutely trusted me and much more. I think I will keep

Guess I keep that graphing calculator now :D
Talking to my friend now and feeling a little better about.
But I will take that treat serious should anything happen I will pursue legal action.

So now if an unknown ph# comes up are you going to screen the call?

So now if an unknown ph# comes up are you gonna screen the call?

I don't fear answering my phone. I should not have to. :D but now I know which not to answer

How long did it take you to get to this point? I dream of the day where I feel normal again. If my ex called right now I'd answer without a beat. So sad...

How long did it take you to get to this point? I dream of the day where I feel normal again. If my ex called right now I'd answer without a beat. so sad...

It will come and for me stuff just came together. I realized what was wrong and at this point I just do not want to talk to her again or see her. She left me for another man. She crushed my heart. I do not want those feelings coming back. I will always care for her but I know we will never be. Her feelings would never match mine. I cannot explain it. I feel I am moving on. God to sit on the phone and not have my mind race about stuff was nice :D.

Good day today. Majority of my 10 hour work day consisted of Politics (no arguing as I don't argue politics), Religion (another thing I don't argue just discussed) and then Paranormal stuff like ghost. But I enjoyed. Seems my NC started over today because of that phone call last night but o well.

I have realized the many wrong points in my ex and I's relationship.

This is kind of turning to a journal but I apologize. Maybe this will help someone someday.

I had a dream again last night. I had apparently stole her car. I was driving to Fredricksburg VA for an unknown reason. I stopped for gas or something and her car is always a mess with clothes and other things. I picked a diary type thing.

In it read
"This is true Love. I have never felt this way before. I think he his the one. He will be my hubby <3"

This was all referring to her new BF. Don't really get it but :/.

I really hate dreams that mess with your head. Well dreams like that would mess with me. You seem like you can let it roll off. Maybe since she called it's in the back of your mind so you had that dream... ya think?

I really hate dreams that mess with your head. Well dreams like that would mess with me. You seem like you can let it roll off. Maybe since she called it's in the back of your mind so you had that dream...ya think?

Yeah that is what I was thinking.

So its been a good day. No real thoughts of her. I just sometimes hope I do not see her as I do not want to ever again.

Ordered new tires for my car and they screwed up so now I got to wait until Friday to get those put on.

Well its been a little awhile huh? Got my tires and my trip for Tuesday is going all to plan at this moment. Getting my car worked on in WV, as I don't trust mechanics around here to mess with my subaru SVX. I'll be staying with that friend I mentioned while my car is getting worked on. She has been really looking forward to seeing me. Also got my check from school so that's added money I did not expect to have on this trip.

How have you been holding up?

How have you been holding up?

Pretty good occasion spikes but nothing like before. I honestly am at the point where I do not wish ill will or anything but see no need in seeing or talking again to her.

Back from my trip and feel worse then ever. I do not know. I do not miss her I miss the feelings. The warmth I felt in my heart when I held her in my arms. But its what ever. Who the hell was she to do this to me, why? All this questions have been asked before. But I'm tired.

I just do not feel like doing anything anymore I'm so very tired of putting on this fake smile for everyone. I'm tired of convincing myself every morning to get up and go to school or work.

My trip was okay. Towards the end for some reason I'm not sure of I started to get really depressed. Is not really her just woke up and felt like pure .

Sounds like you don't miss her , but you miss who you thought she was.

I'm still feeling pretty damn low. I am not sure why. I can look at her myspace and not have the emotions flood and I laughed a bit. I constantly fight myself every morning to get up and got to school and work.

Trip was okay, drank a bit smoked a bit something I never do. I had fun but felt I misread signals from someone and allowed myself to misinterpret things. And from your post
you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it
Yup it was A.
Just do not know anymore. I thought I was done with this crap.

I use to feel pretty low back in the drinking days, until the alcohol ran its course.

Look guy, there will always be highs and lows in life, whether your heart broken over a relationship, or happy in one. That's life, and the key is dealing with it, whether your having a good day, or bad.

It gets better.

Just for the record...

The drinking, smoking and sex (was it forced?) might have a hand in making you feel a little worse. Almost as if you were trying to replace something you used to have, and realized that it hurt you more than healed you...

Just a thought...

Just for the record...

The drinking, smoking and sex (was it forced?) might have a hand in making you feel a little worse. Almost as if you were trying to replace something you used to have, and realized that it hurt you more than healed you...

Just a thought.....

No sex was not forced. And you all are right. What I thought would help me instead probably hurt me more. I'm not normally one to drink or smoke, but I was on vacation and wanted a break and just to have fun. Also this friend I visited I have always had a thing for and as she has for me but due to how life played out we never got together. But sorry about posting a little bit*h fest was feeling down.

No worries, happens to us all...

By now you know its ups and downs, just ride out the downs and enjoy the ups... Its going to happen for a LONG time, so get used to it :p

So I thought I was done. I moved on hadn't spoken to her or attempted to for that matter. Till this afternoon she called my phone. I didn't recognize the number.

I answered she immediately asked for her calculator and Dvds back. Which I replied I said I'd get it to you and then said goodbye.

Well I let that slide until a friend of mine texted her. Which she promptly started blowing my phone up I ignored it 3 times which she left me voice mails all which I have saved. I didn't know someone sent her a message let alone what it said.

So she leaves me very nasty messages regarding how she never loved me her new BF is twice the man I am blah blah blah. I'm a crowd and a b*tch getting people to send her messages. How her new boyfriend does everything so much better.
None of that bothers me to be honest. My ego is intact.

I finally answered on the 4th call which she promptly went to screaming at me about someone sending her a message. I told her I don't know what it said I had nothing to do with it. She continued to scream about her calculator and wanting it now. I told her I'd give to her like I promised and told her I owe her no favors but she will get her stuff. At that point she hung up.

Now I was done with this crap but her and her new BF continued to send treating messages about my life and my friends to my friend. I do not take kindly to threats and have document everything saving the messages so should anything happen I'll have something to show.

I'm not one for conflict I attempt to avoid it. I am a very relaxed person and can overlook a lot and keep trucking. But so help me god should they attempt to confront me I am not sure of what I will do. The anger that has built up inside me from theses actions is something I have never felt before. To make threats to me about my well being and what not is something I have no tolerance for. I'm not looking for them because if I were I could simply go over there but I'm not one to start this all. I will only defend myself or press charges if any property damage is done. I'm beyond angry, I'm never get angry like this but so help god shall something stupid arrive. She has no idea what she has provoked from me.

Attempting to cool off but this anger will not dissipate.

Here are the voice mails if you care to hear (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V2mv_ayJz0)

Stay Classy man! You are an upstanding guy and you DO NOT need to stoop to their level. Don't let your anger guide your actions. I know it is easier said than done, but their immaturity is almost laughable. Hang in there! You are first class, they are just trash.

Stay Classy man! You are an upstanding guy and you DO NOT need to stoop to their level. Don't let your anger guide your actions. I know it is easier said than done, but their immaturity is almost laughable. Hang in there! You are first class, they are just trash.

O I have. But I can only control it so much, I'm not sure what will happen if they attempt confront me in person.

All right, I just listened to the VM. That is awesome! I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Let this slide off your back. Her vocabulary is pretty sweet... give her a dictionary when you give her a calculator back. I would be upset if I were you, but in the end it is more comical than anything.

I know your adrenaline is pumping right now. Just breathe and calm down. I highly doubt they are going to confront you in person, and if they do, then they will find themselves in a court room (and behind bars). Don't let them make you lose sleep tonight. They are first class trash man!

Alright, I just listened to the VM. That is awesome!! I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Let this slide off of your back. Her vocabulary is pretty sweet...give her a dictionary when you give her a calculator back. I would be upset if I were you, but in the end it is more comical than anything.

I got a kick out of them but what has gotten me is her new BF threatening my friend and me. I'm not a small guy I'm about 6ft and 250 lbs. I don't speak much nor do I put up empty threats. I don't fight but you threaten my life you better be able to back it because I will not take it easy should they be stupid enough to confront me.

I know your adrenaline is pumping right now. Just breathe and calm down. I highly doubt they are going to confront you in person, and if they do, then they will find themselves in a court room (and behind bars). Don't let them make you lose sleep tonight. They are first class trash man!

All this happened about 5 hours ago and I'm still heated.

I don't blame you. I know I would be heated, but I am also a guy who has acted out of anger way too much in my life, and I regret EVER single time I did. Get a punching bag and let loose!

I don't blame you. I know I would be heated, but I am also a guy who has acted out of anger way too much in my life, and I regret EVER single time I did. Get a punching bag and let loose!

Never have I ever acted out of anger. Regardless of the sh*t in my life that has been dealt have I ever felt this heated. Not even when I watched my mom be abused. They have stricken the only nerve I have.

Here are the threatening text messages from that dude terry to my friend.

Ahh... I see. Well, I don't know you or Nate. I do know one thing. Sadly, I know no harm will come to Brittany. That is because I am here

Well, you are going to hurt someone I truly love. And I am certain you truly love nate. I believe in eye for an eye. Please don't think I am threatening you . I'd never do that. I swear. I am just telling you the consequences of your actions. I believe you can be the bigger person here. You should be happy. You got nate. Don't ruin it. I'll tell Brittany never to call you guys again Just please don't force my hand in this matter

Regardless. You are going to bloody more than just your hands. I stopped fighting a while ago. Lol and I'm not skinny anymore I've filled out since High school. But its set. I have said what I will do. What happens next is up to you

Well, if you decide to hurt Brittany you'll need him. Once I'm done I'm coming after you. Idc if he weighs 250 and is pure muscle. Idc if he's standing next to you with 10 of his friends. I'm coming stright for you and I won't stop pounding you till the medics have to scoop your little face off the ground. I don't mind destroying a girl :D

You can always tell who the big dog is. He's the one that lets the little dogs bark, as long as they stay on the porch!

They are beneath your notice.

You can always tell who the big dog is. He's the one that lets the little dogs bark, as long as they stay on the porch!

They are beneath your notice.

I get what you mean Tal I'm calming down. I don't know but something about empty life threats get to me.

A word to the wise, a man who hits a women is not a man. I understand your frustrations as I am sort of going through the same problem, just with my fiance's ex. I just let it roll off my back and until he steps up to the plate he can sit on the sidelines and watch my live my life.

A word to the wise, a man who hits a women is not a man. I understand your frustrations as I am sort of going through the same problem, just with my fiance's ex. I just let it roll off my back and until he steps up to the plate he can sit on the sidelines and watch my live my life.

Trust me I learned that at a younger age. I haven't sent messages or called any of them. As far as hitting a woman I would never. But this tool Terry seems to have no issue with it. As I said also I won't be the person to go and confront them but should the be dumb enough to do something its done. I have recorded the voice mails and text messages. I am done being nice.

Just remember to not bring yourself down to this douche's level. Your better than that!


Not to piss you off or anything, but your ex is a moron for leaving you for such a low class, poor excuse for a man!

Just remember to not bring yourself down to this douche's level. Your better than that!


Not to piss you off or anything, but your ex is a moron for leaving you for such a low class, poor excuse for a man!

Going down to their level would consist of me being stupid and sending messages back. It doesn't piss me off because I'm above both of them. Should they do anything to my car etc. I will press charges and not hesitate to pursue anything else. I am done being the nice guy.

Stand up for you pal, your doing the right thing and you know it, that's good enough.

Well I'm not in such a great mood. I feel very used and lead on from a "friend". Long story short I feel played because she expressed feeling for me and took them as such. We had been talking for awhile etc etc. She ends up talking with her ex and she is going to get back with him. I did not do anything to suggest she not, I suggested she do what makes her happy etc etc being the good friend. Come to find out she never felt the way she expressed towards me and thus I feel very played and used. Can I get a damn break? I am just upset at myself for allowing this more than anything. I brought about this issue and assured my place in her eyes. I am upset because I feel very played because before he was around in the picture she showed a very different view.

I'm lost, what happened?

I'm lost, what happened??

I'm sorry do forgive me. Let me explain some more. This girl who I have known for a long time had expressed feelings she had always had for me for awhile. Mind you I was not jumping into anything and this is who I went to visit on my break. Now mind you she expressed feelings to me many times over. I was just going with the flow enjoy it and the talks. She started talking to her ex again and to make it short is getting back together with him. Probably partly do to my encouragement for her to do what will make her happy. I was acting as a friend and did not let any selfish reasoning pop up. Today it came up because I had enough of it, that I asked her position on how she looks at me. She started by saying she loved her ex. I did not get upset as I had figured all of this out sometime ago but was remaining her friend. She apologized for this which irks me because nor does she feel she lead me on at all. I feel very played and used (emotionally and physically). I did not jump into anything but merely was playing everything by ear. I can't help but feel she did, she expressed all of this and now her ex is back in the picture... ugh tired of playing it over in my head. Point is I feel used and played.

You are just having all sorts of good things happen huh? I feel for you. This sort of thing happens, and the best way to deal with it is not letting her get to you, even though it seems she was confused and may (don't know if it was intentional) have used you. Emotions suck, and they can be confusing as hell.

You are just having all sorts of good things happen huh?? I feel for you. This sort of thing happens, and the best way to deal with it is not letting her get to you, even though it seems she was confused and may (don't know if it was intentional) have used you. Emotions suck, and they can be confusing as hell.

Its not so much her. I'm more mad at myself for allowing this to happen.

Close this chapter for good, and celebrate!

Close this chapter for good, and celebrate!

Your messages are always short but some how contain the most wisdom. I have closed a many chapters this year :D What's another. Well a new year is coming and with that I hope to have better things happen. This whole year has been very tiresome.

You'll be OK. You have been through this before. You now know who you are, how to handle yourself, and what you must do.

I am with you on the new year... bring on 2009 because 2008 sucked balls!!

Yeah, 2008 is not cool at all. Wrap this year up!

Yeah I don't have enough fingers and toes to count what has been so bad about 2008. My transmission died on me early this month :D cost me 1200 dollars too!

For those who care to read an update:
Well its been over a month sense I even visited this site. There were many reasons for this, I started working a lot more once I got out of school. My grades were D's and C's I won't lie. This break up played a bit part in my ability to concentrate on school. It was too late by the time I was able to refocus myself on my classes. I spent christmas alone but at my choosing because I did not want to fly to KS with my family to visit family as I needed money so I worked. Its been tough I won't lie.

The other person who I thought wanted to enter my life did set me back also but I have closed that chapter and moved on. I was hurt by these actions because clearly actions spoke against her intentions. I decide to cut myself out of any communication of this person, as I really have no reason to talk as she does not realize what she did and as such I will not go out of my way to instate the anything. I rather disappear on good terms then have a abrupt end on bad terms if you get what I am saying.

School didn't end well but I will continue it, I am taking 13 semester hours all online as I don't want to drive back and forth. I decide to get an associates in Networking Technology and then get a Bachelors in Software engineering. My GPA is bad as I did bad last semester but I still get my full financial aid but I have to pull it up before Fall.

I have come to realize what I did wrong in the relationship. I allowed myself to be blinded and not accept things. I also allowed myself to be treated in a manner not acceptable and shall never again be treated like such again. I was too giving and have learned to restrain myself. I want that comfort/feelings back not her to be brutely honest. I see a picture of us at prom every time I walk out of my room. I decide not to take it down but left it up to make me stronger. Those were good times I need to remember that and not attempt to cloud them over with how it ended. Those intense emotions don't jump instead I simply smile. I noticed when I saw some pictures of her in Japan visiting her family that is stationed there from the Air force. It was through a mutual friend I was not sitting here stalking her myspace :). She looked happy and for that I am happy.I wait for the day I meet someone who will share the same level of feelings for each other as I did for her.

I sent her, at least her last know address, the calculator and movies like I said I would before stuff got stupid. In it I wrote a simply note simply apologizing for the drama and informing her she will not have to worry about anything like that ever again. I did not get a reply but I did not expect one. If in all honest if I say her tomorrow I would probably just give a slight nod/smile and keep walking. It wasn't easy cutting her completely out of my life but it was the best, I am a stronger person for doing so. Reading back I see how much of a mess I was and I laugh at some of the things I posted. There are those times in the early morning when I am heading to bed I feel alone but nothing like before.
Thanks to those who left me those encouraging words to get me though this.

I still can pronounce your name but glad your dealing with your situation in a positive manner, good luck with school, bring back some A's (okay, just pass for us! Don want to stress you, Lol!)

I still can pronounce your name but glad your dealing with your situation in a positive manner, good luck with school, bring back some A's (okay, just pass for us! Don want to stress you, Lol!)

Meah you can't stress me as if I don't get All A's (maybe one B) I won't get getting much financial aid next year. And I'll break my name down for you (its old but) Wicked (the c is left out :)) Jug-a-lo :D