[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311125]Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It's cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don't have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I'll let you know when the that important mail comes. I'll be going back to China this Sunday. I'll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn't workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.


Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all i would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, i don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do i think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.?
Your feelings got hurt to did u ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get i just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck


I would have to agree with dare on this one... This letter reminds me of the e-mails I would send to my ex early on in our break up. That last bit just cries leaving the door open. It's interesting to read it when someone else writes it because when I would write things like that I wouldn't think there was a problem with it... but its so obvious to me now(and I'll admit that I was fishing for a certain response, and I think you have to admit you are too). Just cut out the fluff and stick to business like dare said. No weather and no feelings.

[QUOTE=Dare81;1311445]


I would have to agree with dare on this one... This letter reminds me of the e-mails I would send to my ex early on in our break up. That last bit just cries leaving the door open. It's interesting to read it when someone else writes it because when I would write things like that I wouldn't think there was a problem with it... but its so obvious to me now(and i'll admit that I was fishing for a certain response, and I think you have to admit you are too). Just cut out the fluff and stick to business like dare said. No weather and no feelings.


I am guilt as charged. I was looking for an answer. How about the below? Maybe I won't write at all and write when I come back from my trip next month.

You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311125]Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It’s cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when the that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn’t workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.


Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all i would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, i don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do i think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.?
Your feelings got hurt to did u ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get i just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck


You are welcome Dare, we are all in this together and we'll help whenever you need. I guess sometime I need to be reminded that I am doing the right thing.

[QUOTE=NorthernNiceGuy;1311456]


I am guilt as charged. I was looking for an answer. How about the below? Maybe I won't write at all and write when I come back from my trip next month.

You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

This sounds a lot better.
But by letting her just drop by your place whenever she wants you are giving her control.Sounds like you are going to be waiting around for her. You are a busy man and have other things to do.

And I don't think you need to tell her that you are gong to China , just tell her you would not be around for a month

This is how I would write the letter

Hi,
You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be leaving soon and will be back next month. If you want to pick up your stuff you can give me call, and we can arrange a time and a place where you can pick it up.

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311504]


This is how i would write the letter

Hi,
You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when that important mail comes. I’ll be leaving soon and will be back next month. If you want to pick up your stuff you can give me call, and we can arrange a time and a place where you can pick it up.

Well, she knows where I'll be going since we had this trip planned before we brokeup. But you are right Dare, she doesn't need to know where I am going.

Make sure you enjoy yourself in China.:0

I think you should wait until your back and you'll realize you don't want to write her at all anymore. You might not believe me now, but you will when you get back :)

Just for the record, I had those same thoughts early on (like NNG said) and it seems to me like you are trying to convince yourself more than her.. Just leave the letters out of it for now, let the dust settle...

Just wondering if she has contacted you about this mail stuff at all. If not I don't see any real reason in letting her know nothing important has come your way.

I say see where things stand after china... by the way that sounds pretty amazing, and I am sure your thought process will be a lot different on your return.

just wondering if she has contacted you about this mail stuff at all. If not I don't see any real reason in letting her know nothing important has come your way.

I say see where things stand after china... btw that sounds pretty amazing, and I am sure your thought process will be a lot different on your return.


NNG, Three weeks ago she called me regarding the mail. I didn't know it was her so I pick it up. She was extremely polite, I told her that there are only bank statements. She told me to leave them at the security desk (I guess she doesn't want to see me) but I said they won't take them. I said when you have time come to pick them up. She said OK. A week later she called me but I didn't pick up. Because I thought if it's something important she would leave a message. A few days ago she added me on Yahoo and she asked me about the mail again. I didn't add her and I don't think I will. This is why I think I should respond to it but I think I should wait until after my trip. By that time I will probably feel a lot better emotionally.

NNG, Three weeks ago she called me regarding the mail. I didn't know it was her so I pick it up. She was extremely polite, I told her that there are only bank statements. She told me to leave them at the security desk (I guess she doesn't want to see me) but I said they won't take them. I said when you have time come to pick them up. She said ok. A week later she called me but I didn't pick up. Because i thought if it's something important she would leave a message. A few days ago she added me on yahoo and she asked me about the mail again. I didn't add her and I don't think i will. This is why I think i should respond to it but I think I should wait until after my trip. By that time I will probably feel alot better emotionally.

Ah I see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

ah i see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

I agree with NNG here.you don't have to deal with all the drama, just mail her the stuff (even the clothes).

ah i see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

My ex knows this relationship game very well so when she broke up with me she avoided me like the plague to protect herself. So I don't know where she live and I won't ask why bother. I'll not contact her until I get back from my trip or not even then.


A little off topic here but for people who don't believe in NC, let me tell you a little story. When my first ex broke up with me 6 years ago, I was devastated I did the begging, pleading, try to find out about her with this new guy it hurt so bad the more I know(NNG you can relate to this). She did come back for a bit after she saw me with another girl (she was a friend) but it never worked out and we ended up breaking up again. She just strung you along wish I knew. A few year later she contacted me on Yahoo pretend to be a friend of her. She said she was miserable and wasn't happy with the guy she married. She wish she could have choose me instead lol. Too late.

This time around I didn't do half of what I did. But I was in the state of shock as usual who isn't? I sort of act a little desperate for the first few weeks but it was my fault, I went out to give her stuff and she call a guy right in front of me. That's very cruel you can imagine the pain I went through.

So my advice is if you got dumped go NC not to get her back but to heal. NC is the hardest thing that you will be faced with. It's the test of your strength, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. And next time when this happen you'll handle it a lot better. And you know what the sweetest revenge is "knowing that she felt regret and not happy with the new guy"

Hey Guys not doing to good with no contact but am trying she always seems to know when I am doing a little better or have a date with someone. I just can't not answer the phone and then when I try to call or text she is never availbe. Always on her terms. She is not going to win I will stick with it this time. I have to for myself. Some of the post I have read help. Just venting sorry. I will keep on.

Hey Guys not doing to good with no contact but am trying she always seems to know when I am doing a little better or have a date with someone. I just can't not answer the phone and then when I try to call or text she is never availbe. Always on her terms. She is not going to win I will stick with it this time. I have to for my self. Some of the post I have read help. Just venting sorry. I will keep on.

I hear you redwee... I shared your problem exactly. I could do no contact no problem on my own but whenever she called or texted I was jimmy on the spot to answer or reply. She would generally call or text when she was having her down moments about the break-up or something stressful was going on in her life. And as soon as she got out of me that I still missed her and she started to feel better, she was gone like the wind. And I continued with this cycle for months. I would go from starting to feel pretty good to feeling crappy instantly after contact. But I can see now that I reciprocated this contact because I was holding on to any sort of hope that she would want to give it another go. Two weeks ago I put my foot down... She had called me very upset because she found out I was seeing someone... Told me I shouldn't be because she wasn't and that we should get together over thanksgiving and I should visit her and maybe reconcile. (she moved after the break-up to do a masters) She disappeared after this little conversation and I decided that was it. I changed my cell number about a week ago and ensured that all her e-mails and IM's were blocked. There really isn't anyway for her to get in contact with me now which means I can really heal in peace.

What she is doing is selfish, its about making her feel better and not about her wanting to get back together with you. It's rough because until you squash that hope you have of getting her back, you are pretty likely to give into her fake advances.

That's kind of long, but I thought it would help to know this isn't unique to you, it happens to the best of us, and we all screwed up just like you.

Keep your wits about you as best you can now, and try to see through her bs.

"knowing that she felt regret and not happy with the new guy"

Haha, isn't the sweetest revenge a life well lived?? Supposedly anyway.

NC is a pretty hard thing to follow through with. But now that I look back over the last 5 months I think not sticking to it is worse. Every time I have broken NC I have come out feeling worse than I did before I had. And I'm sure most of you would agree on that.

So think about that redwee... next time you feel like contacting her just remember what came of the last time you broke NC. A heavier heart and a step backwards. It's simply not worth it.

NC is a pretty hard thing to follow through with. But now that I look back over the last 5 months I think not sticking to it is worse. Every time I have broken NC I have come out feeling worse than I did before I had. And I'm sure most of you would agree on that.


Got my vote.

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought I'd let her know that I'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and I'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started out pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought i'd let her know that i'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and i'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.


Knowing that she date other guys will make you feel worse. Trust me on this. I've been there. It may not hit you right away but in a few days you will start to create all these scenarios that will drive u nuts and make you feel to contact her even more. She's just playing with you to see how you would react to give her an ego boost. Get back to NC and get serious this time. Get a new MSN nick and don't go back to the old one again. That's what I did. I was going to send my ex an email yesterday but I was glad I didn't do it. The more you resist the urge and temptation the stronger you will get day by day. Trust me.

Molecular that's tough, and I have to agree with hung here. Your mind is probably going to go nuts, creating scenarios that are going to drive you crazy. Your going to be tempted to call her, break down, yell, scream, anything to get attention and find out why she is over you so quickly...

The thing is, those are all scenarios. You really don't know anything for sure, and the whole point behind NC is to keep it that way. You don't want to know anything, so the less you put yourself in a situation to find things out, the less there is a chance that you will...

Remember that anything you mind creates is just that -- a creation. Keep yourself busy, and this will past quicker than you expect. Its happened to me, its happened to most of us on here... once you get over it its great to be able to say, well I handled that, I can handle anything... trust m.e

Molecular...

That's a huge B**ch move on her part... Unless she is completely naïve and oblivious she knew that would make you feel bad. And it probably had something to do with how different you were acting during the conversation compared to the last time you talked. She wanted a rise out of you and luckily you kept your cool.

I got to say though, what the hell is she doing on your IM still. Block and delete her, you can't leave yourself open to these sorts of things. I mean everything, phone book, Facebook, e-mails, all IM's.

Like Bird said, your imagination is going to be running wild in the days or weeks to come. Remember though, its all of your own creation and you can't believe what you make up.

This was really mean of her... she broke up with you only weeks ago, she has to of known hearing something like that would make you miserable, and really there is absolutely no point in her asking your permission. This was a direct shot at you. Take it and use it to give you strength, ignore her!!

Her is an update on my situation,
I got a call from her this morning I didn't pick up she left me a message asking me asking me how the whole transferring the phone situation was going. Then I got a call from her again tonight. Like an idiot I picked up.She asks me the same question again, I said it was okay, then I wanted to get off the phone but she says that she had this major car accident yesterday and starts going on about it. We end up talking for about half an hour about her accident and random stuff.I was trying to get off the phone as soon as she was done telling me her story but she asked me are u trying to get off the phone with me? I said no I should have said yes.

I am confused why would she tell me about the accident, we are broken up, If I had a major accident I doubt I would tell her because she is not a part of my life anymore

I was also wondering do I call her in a couple of days to ask her how she is doing or do I just let it go.

Everything was going fine for the first 21 days we had no contact but I don't know what she is trying to achieve with
this random chatter.

Her is an update on my situation,
I got a call from her this morning i didn't pick up she left me a message asking me asking me how the whole transferring the phone situation was going. Then i got a call from her again tonight. Like an idiot i picked up.She asks me the same question again, i said it was okay, then i wanted to get off the phone but she says that she had this major car accident yesterday and starts going on about it. We end up talking for about half an hour about her accident and random stuff.I was trying to get off the phone as soon as she was done telling me her story but she asked me are u trying to get off the phone with me? I said no i should have said yes.

I am confused why would she tell me about the accident, we are broken up,,If i had a major accident i doubt i would tell her because she is not a part of my life anymore

I was also wondering do i call her in a couple of days to ask her how she is doing or do i just let it go.

Everything was going fine for the first 21 days we had no contact but i don't know what she is trying to achieve with
this random chatter.

Dare,

Think you have been here long enough to know that things like this really mean nothing. I hope you are not taking this as any kind of hope or reaching out by her to possibly ease back into a relationship.

She misses you, she had a car accident and is used to someone being there for her when something negative happens in her life. She was looking to you to make her feel better and nothing more. You fell trap to this by answering the phone... and now you are left trying to decipher what all this means.

Next time just let it go to voicemail. And no, you don't need to call her to see how she is in a couple days. She called you, she's fine and she is not going to develop some sort of life threatening complication within a few days.

This is just a bump in the road my friend, get back on that NC horse and ride it out.

Thanks for all your help guys! It's very much appreciated. My internet went down last night straight after posting that and it was pretty much killing me not being able to read your replies when I needed them the most, but it's working again now and it's safe to say I feel a lot better.

I think you're right that she came on msn just to feed her ego and that I was acting so well made her a bit angry because she was expecting me to be as beat down and pathetic as I was last time, which is why she gave me the low-shot.

It's something that I, in all honesty would never expect of her, but if this is how she feels like she needs to treat me after five years of meaningfull relationship than so be it, I lost so much respect for her and although that hurts, it feels better than idolizing her as I was previously. Completely doing NC is very hard for me. She lives right down the street and we attend the same university, so we run into each other every now and then.
I don't have her on my contact list but I forgot to block her before I deleted her so she can still contact me when she wants to, and in all honesty this doesn't bother me that much.

What she said yesterday really hurt, but I'm glad she said it on msn so that I could say what I knew I should say instead of what I wanted to say. Had I bumped into her on uni and she'd have asked the same question then I don't think I'd have been able to keep my cool, and I would've given her what she wanted. It also feels kind of relieving that I was the one able to maintain NC, whereas she couldn't. This obviously means there's still things she needs from me, be it an ego boost or just some validation, I'm not going to give it to her, ever.

Anyway thanks again lads! Going to give the "blocking her on msn" thing another chance, but in all honesty I'd rather have her contacting me on msn than talking to me face to face when we bump into each other, I know I can say and do what I should without having to suffer the consequences of social interaction.

Dare,

Think you have been here long enough to know that things like this really mean nothing. I hope you are not taking this as any kind of hope or reaching out by her to possibly ease back into a relationship.

She misses you, she had a car accident and is used to someone being there for her when something negative happens in her life. She was looking to you to make her feel better and nothing more. You fell trap to this by answering the phone... and now you are left trying to decipher what all this means.

Next time just let it go to voicemail. And no, you don't need to call her to see how she is in a couple days. She called you, shes fine and she is not going to develop some sort of life threatening complication within a few days.

This is just a bump in the road my friend, get back on that NC horse and ride it out.


Thanks NNG,I shouldn't have answered the phone.Even though I don't have the urge to call her, every time she calls I pick up.

Thanks NNG,I shouldn't have answered the phone.Even though i dont have the urge to call her, everytime she calls i pick up.
Be busy and unavailable, and polite.

Day 17 of NC, she has msge dme twice once on Yahoo once and msn, the first was hey how are you doing I waited 5 minutes then signed off. Then she messaged me a few days later on Yahoo I did the same thing waited 5 minutes and signed off. I know it was probably rude to do etc. but just saying one word and she would have had me talking for like a hour etc.

Plus I learnt my lesson, before when I first started NC, she msged me I was so giddy and happy and then she asked me how can you tell if a guy is interested in you. She broke up with me then school started and literally the first guy she started to talk to she gets butterflies and has the nerve to lell me after she broke my heart. That was the last stone thrown at me I took, and I initiated full NC. I changed my MSN pw to some crap I don't even remember so I won't get tempted to sign in again. I'm honestly thinking of cancelling my phone paying the 400 just so she can't call me.

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started out pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought i'd let her know that i'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and i'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

MAN, I could have wrote this. My ex dumped me, goes back to school the same day she meets this new guy and has butterflies for him, I felt the same way you did when she told me, how can you be so in love with me then dump me and literally the first guy you meet after you dump me you have th enerve to tell me we have the favorite color and all that crap


Girls eh

I was hoping you guys were wrong but I think you may be right. My mind has started making scenarios. As previously what annoys me the most is the loss of respect for my girlfriend. A part of me is feeling like what we had for the last five years was all based on lies. I loved this woman because I thought this wasn't her thing, you know, to just randomly start seeing other men just 2 weeks after a 5 year relationship. A part of me is now frightened because I have this feeling that if she's not that kind of woman, then none of them exist. Albeit I'm sure they do, I just don't feel that now.

I just don't understand, you know. I'd love to just be able to understand. Looking back at all our best memories and the way we felt then, what we had on a mental level, all feels like lies and it's making me sick to my stomach. Right now I'm just hoping I'll see her with some other guy already so I can get over with it instead of hanging on to the slightles cling of hope that she's just trying to mess with my head and isn't really interested in moving on so fast, yet I'm sure she is.

As always trying to keep myself as busy as possible, which isn't really a problem. Nights and mornings are the worst. For the last couple of weeks I've been sleeping on my couch because it's so easy to just watch TV until I fall asleep. Thinking of going into my bedroom and sleeping there tonight, I guess I should just try to normalize everything as much as possible back to the way it was before. As long as I'm doing some things different in a negative manner it'll only keep reminding me why I'm doing it, which again will make me think of her, which just isn't healthy for me.

Waking up is still so hard, though. Generally the first 60 seconds after I start waking up I've forgotten all about everything and a part of me thinks about her like nothing's ever happened, and then I realize we're no longer together, and I can't help but wonder if she's just now waking up as well, only next to some random douchebag. Apart from nights and mornings however things are going pretty smooth. Just waiting for that last bump in the road where I get confirmation that she's with someone else, as it's pretty impossible for me not to find out when it happens, and once it does at least everything that can hurt has already happened.

Just waiting for that last bump in the road where I get confirmation that she's with someone else, as it's pretty impossible for me not to find out when it happens, and once it does at least everything that can hurt has already happened.[/QUOTE]

Trust me on this.You are not going to feel any better if and when you find out that she is going out with someone else.

By waiting for the last bump on the road you are giving her control over your emotions.
NC gives you back that control.

I know its hard right now,but it wll get better.

Getting up and going to sleep are still the hardest things to do for me so I adjusted my routine.Maybe working out before you go to sleep and going for a jog I nthe morning might get your mind off things

Goodluck

For some reason, lately I have been thinking about my ex a whole lot. I don't know if its because I broke NC about a week ago or its just a phase. It feels almost as bad as the first week.

Everything your feeling is a phase. You have to stop worrying about why your feeling that way, since by doing that your only focusing your energy on your feelings... How about trying to do something more constructive with your energy, like getting out, keeping busy and being unavailable??

Give that a shot...

You are right.

Hey guys. Just some update on me. She still called like a bunch this weekend. I would answer some ignore some. But Sunday morning she called and found out that I went out with someone else. It didn't go good but I went. She argued with me the whole phone call she said she had not went out with anybody and all this jazz and cried. She broke up with me what is her problem. I am still stuck on her but she has some kind of radar that knows when I am out or having a good time. If she is interested she would still be with me, so her lose. But she sure does kill me sometimes. Well anyone with some advice let me know.

It's thanksgiving today in Canada, Great I'm home alone, eating a TV dinner, I feel like crap and just want to message her , but its 20 days NC and I will not break it

Horrible nigt I dreamed about her, ga I hate myself for still tinkig about her, 21 days nc I will not falter. Says it again I will not falter.

I know how you feel Fred. Also feeling very alone these days, haven't contacted her in 14 days today but she contacted me some five days ago, at least I kept my cool and didn't give her what she wanted then.

The last two days I've gone back to sleeping in my own bed instead of sleeping on the couch, and both nights I've dreamt about her. And it's been the worst kind of dream, the one where I dream we fix our problems and end up together again, then I wake up, realize it's all a scam, feel horrible, fall asleep, and dream the same thing over again.

Apart from the sleeping the rest of my days aren't all that bad, except for my lack of social activity. I've always been the introvert person and I find that being social right now, after a few hours or so I feel kind of burnt out and just want to be alone. It doesn't help much that every single one of my friends are in long term relationships, so going out with them usually just reminds me of what I used to have and what I've lost.

If you need to let it out there's a great movie you can watch it's called "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It's about a guy who got dumped and how he went about forgetting her.

It doesn't help much that every single one of my friends are in long term relationships, so going out with them usually just reminds me of what I used to have and what I've lost.

TO be honest, I was in the same situation after my breakup. The main group of friends I hung out with were all in relationships, and for quite some time too. Since my breakup, I have started hanging out with a different group of friends, though I still see those friends often enough. It helps to be able to have other single friends who do things other than hang out with their significant others...

I called my ex a couple of days ago , to ask how she was doing after the accident.Now before you guys jump on me, I found out from one of her friends that the accident was really bad and she was in the hospital for a day.
We talked for about 10 minutes.Was not too bad.The thing that I realized from talking to her is that I still missed her, but talking to her is not helping me get over her.So even though her birthday is coming up in a couple of days. I am not calling, I am just going disappear from her life.
Hope everyone else is doing okay

Day 23. I'm proud of myself, and yes I recommend forgetting Sarah marshall as well as kanye west new song heartless.

Day 19 of NC. Had real urges to contact her today.
I guess in a good way, I didn't want to contact her in order to plea for her to take me back, because I was wondering how she was doing, or even because I needed to hear her voice or see her face.

No, I actually wanted to contact her because I was quite angry at her. Over our relationship, which lasted some four and a half years, I was always very protecting of her. Not in the bad, suffocating way, but in the nurturing way.

I was thinking back to high school, when we were dating back then. Well basically my ex had some social problems because she had a real easy time seeing peoples worse sides and easily disliked people, so in high school she basically had no friends. What this meant, naturally, was that she barely did anything with anyone else than me outside of classes, and as much as there were a lot of cool people in my class and a lot of fun social activities going on there I neglected all of these to take care of my girlfriend at the time because she had a really easy time falling into depression when she was left alone a lot, and don't get me wrong I loved spending time on her so it didn't really bother me that much that I barely made any friends in high school and spent all my time with her.

Well basically much changed when we both went to university. We took two very different lines of education, hers was much less popular than mine and, as such she was enrolled in a class of somewhere around 20 people whereas I was in a class of around 150, basically meaning that for me, social connections were a lot harder to make since the class was so big yet for her, it was the other way around.

Even then however she had some troubles making friends so she didn't do all that many activities out of classes and we did spend a lot of time together, but this year a lot of things changed as she found a group of people she really liked and could spend a lot of time with, not to mention she moved in with her cousin which is very much alike her and they never argue (At a side note, although we'd been together for a long period we discussed the matter and decided that we didn't need to move in with each other because we had the rest of our lives to live together, but we only had one shot at just being young and doing what we wanted, when we wanted).

Either way it just struck me that only a month or so after gaining these new aquaintances and moving in with her cousin was when she dumped me, and I realized that right now, I'm in many ways in the same situation she was in all those years ago. I'm the one who doesn't have that many options to be social on my own spare time, the only difference is that now, she isn't there for me.

Given the circumstances it really feels like she dumped me the second she no longer needed me, you know. Her cousin is always at her place where she lives, so if she's feeling sad, tired, or anything, she's always got her to talk to. She made a bunch of new friends to spend her free time on, so she no longer needs me to take care of her. I never really thought of it this way but man did it tick me off when I did. I feel so incredibly used. All those years I neglected my own life to take care of hers and the second she no longer needs me to do this, she cuts the rope and lets me go.

And I know this isn't entirely her fault, it's much my own fault as well for letting it happen, I just never looked at the whole breakup this way but looking back at all the signs it's suddenly become all too obvious, and it's really churning at me.
A part of me really wants to get in touch with her and just say all these things, because I've no doubt that it's all been subconcious for her as well and she's in no way aware that she's done this to me, but another part of me realizes that taking this up with her is nothing but childish, I'm just so... angry you know. And to think that even after she broke up with me my old feelings of nurturing for her were so strong that even then I couldn't treat her with anything but the upmost respect and say all those things I knew she needed to hear to be happy just... churns at me. How I let myself be walked all over even then.

In any case it's been 19 days of NC and I've got absolutely no intentions of breaking this. Part of me feels pretty glad that I'm now angry at her for treating me this way, being angry somewhat feels so much better than just being sad and deprived. Not sure how long it's going to churn at me that she'll never herself realize that she actually just threw me away the second she felt like she had alternatives to take care of her. A part of me is hoping of course that somewhere down the road she'll fall out on these friends as well and her and her cousin will get into some sort of argument and she'll suddenly feel all alone again, except this time she won't even have me to turn to. I can safely say that I'm through with her and really want nothing to do with her anymore, yet right now I'm just so... angry.

Anyway, just really needed to vent, 19 days and going strong, phew.

I must apolagize for hijacking this thread per se but I just felt like I needed to vent, once again. So I just found out my ex is seeing some other guy. It struck like a bolt of lightning at first, mostly because I really thought I was over this now, being a month since we broke up and everything.

Then I realized I didn't really care that much that she's seeing some other guy. What really got me was the fact that she met this guy like, two weeks before we broke up. The reason this hurts so badly because the last time I really spoke with my girlfriend some 3-4 weeks ago I told her that this would be so much easier for me if she just told me the truth about why she was breaking up with me because I felt she wasn't really giving any real reasons as to why, and I asked her if she could look me in the eyes and tell me that she didn't love me anymore or that she's met someone else, both of which she refused to do. The reason I wanted her to do this was so that I could go on with my life and move on instead of, a month later suddenly finding out exactly what I just did.

I'm finding it all slightly too convenient to be fair. Everything was just well and fine between me and my girlfriend, suddenly she starts doubting the relationship, then she breaks up with me, now she's dating this guy she met just before we broke up. I just wish she'd have told me the truth. We were together for five years and all I asked of her when she broke up with me was the common decency to tell me the truth, but instead she just had to go lying to my face to make herself feel better.

Through my whole life this girl was the only person I've ever truly trusted, and this is what hurts. The betrayal. If she had just told me the truth back then I would at least still have retained my respect for her, but right now I have this really scary feeling inside of me that if you can't truly trust someone after five years, who will you ever be able to trust?

The good part at least was that the fact she's dating someone else and definitely already over me doesn't bother me that much at all, knowing that if I met someone I really liked I wouldn't just sit there. It's just the lies, the disrespect, and everything. A part of me just wants to talk to her and ask her why she had to chicken out and be so disrespectful to me, this was the last thing I'd ever expect from her. I guess at the end of the day what I'm really trying to say is that what's been hurting me the most is being scared that there's nobody out there you can really trust but yourself, and I guess there's actually some truth to that.

Is there anyone else out there who suffered these doubts after coming out of a long term relationship? Doubts that there's nobody out there you'll be willing to truly trust again? And did you ever come over it? Did things turn for the better?

I know time heals all wounds and all that, but given my statistics right now I'm not having a particularly positive outlook on ever finding someone I'll truly trust again.

I must apolagize for hijacking this thread per se but I just felt like I needed to vent, once again. So I just found out my ex is seeing some other guy. It struck like a bolt of lightning at first, mostly because I really thought I was over this now, being a month since we broke up and everything.

Then I realized I didn't really care that much that she's seeing some other guy. What really got me was the fact that she met this guy like, two weeks before we broke up. The reason this hurts so badly because the last time I really spoke with my girlfriend some 3-4 weeks ago I told her that this would be so much easier for me if she just told me the truth about why she was breaking up with me because I felt she wasn't really giving any real reasons as to why, and I asked her if she could look me in the eyes and tell me that she didn't love me anymore or that she's met someone else, both of which she refused to do. The reason I wanted her to do this was so that I could go on with my life and move on instead of, a month later suddenly finding out exactly what I just did.

I'm finding it all slightly too convenient to be fair. Everything was just well and fine between me and my girlfriend, suddenly she starts doubting the relationship, then she breaks up with me, now she's dating this guy she met just before we broke up. I just wish she'd have told me the truth. We were together for five years and all I asked of her when she broke up with me was the common decency to tell me the truth, but instead she just had to go lying to my face to make herself feel better.

Through my whole life this girl was the only person I've ever truly trusted, and this is what hurts. The betrayal. If she had just told me the truth back then I would at least still have retained my respect for her, but right now I have this really scary feeling inside of me that if you can't truly trust someone after five years, who will you ever be able to trust?

The good part at least was that the fact she's dating someone else and definitely already over me doesn't bother me that much at all, knowing that if I met someone I really liked I wouldn't just sit there. It's just the lies, the disrespect, and everything. A part of me just wants to talk to her and ask her why she had to chicken out and be so disrespectful to me, this was the last thing I'd ever expect from her. I guess at the end of the day what I'm really trying to say is that what's been hurting me the most is being scared that there's nobody out there you can really trust but yourself, and I guess there's actually some truth to that.

Is there anyone else out there who suffered these doubts after coming out of a long term relationship? Doubts that there's nobody out there you'll be willing to truly trust again? And did you ever come over it? Did things turn for the better?

I know time heals all wounds and all that, but given my statistics right now I'm not having a particularly positive outlook on ever finding someone i'll truly trust again.

Molecular , You really have to move on. Its really sad that she is dating someone else, but was bound to happen.Would you rather that it didn't happen now but a year from now.
My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago. It was hard at first, but its starting to get easier.
My advice to you is keep yourself busy, find something to do .anyting and trust me it will get better with time.
Good luck

Molecular, you shouldn't even try to find out what she is up to. If you didn't know she met this guy when you were together would you be pissed? That's the reason for no contact. A few weeks before me and my ex broke up. I found out she lied to me, she said she went for a driving lesson but instead she went out with this guy but for some reason she called me by accident and left her phone on so I listen in to their conversation (maybe she left her phone on on purpose maybe it's god's will). I confronted her but she said she go out with him to find out things for me but it's all bs. She even gave me his number to call him . I asked her to move out but I felt bad and didn't do it.

Nothing hurt more than betrayal, I felt awful when she left because I assumed that she will go with this guy. But you got to think of it this way, someone has to move on first it either be you or her but eventually you will move on too and find someone who will make your life better. Just go no contact, I broke up with my ex for over 3 months now. Two months of no contact and I feel a lot better now. I don't think about her as much. I am currently in China for vacation. Take a trip somewhere, out of site out of mind.

Have I been in a long term relationship, been dumped then doubted trusting other people? Of course. You are only one month out of your relationship, it isn't expected that you are over her yet. I would be surprised if you were... I think you want to be, but you need to expect it to take some time.

I have had these thoughts, but after enough time they stop. I have no problem now seeing that what happened was between me and her and has no bearing on what might happen between me and someone else... none whatsoever.

Everyone has a story about how what they heard at the end of the relationship didn't end up being true, or how they feel they were lied to, or betrayed, etc... In reality, none of it matters. Perhaps she wasn't lying at all, she wanted time to herself, and in that time decided she wanted to give this guy a go. If it makes you feel better... I was told "I want time to myself to deal with my own issues and work on myself"... Same situation, she started dating someone - tough sh*t...

Just deal with the anger, the betrayal, all the feelings, they will fade. There is no use in hanging onto these feelings, let them go, and keep moving on.

... and DO NOT contact her.

Thanks for all the input guys, your words really help. It's not so much that she's dating someone else that bothers me the most, I've come to terms with the fact that our relationship is over and I know now that I would never want to be in a relationship with this woman again.

The thing I'm having the worst time with is believing that there's people out there with the same values as me and someone I could trust again, but I'll take your word for it that there is, bigbird!

I'm just slightly worried about the future, I guess, and still having some troubles adapting to being single.

The thing I'm having the worst time with is believing that there's people out there with the same values as me and someone I could trust again, but I'll take your word for it that there is, bigbird!

Your wounded right now and seeing the world through jaded eyes. Of course nothing looks quite as promising as it could. You'll get over those feelings in time and be able to separate what happened from what is going to happen in the future. Once the emotions die, you can see that logically it makes no sense to blame someone new for what someone old did to you.

Now on week 8 of NC. I actually surprised she hasn't tried to contact me at all. But that is a good thing. I still think about her daily, but I can get a full nights sleep now, and I haven't shed a tear in over 2 weeks. While it's going to take many more months, at least I know I'm on the right path.

Hey Everyone, well it has been exactly two weeks of nc and I was doing good. Getting angry at her, realizing some of her faults and things of that natural then last night some other person mentioned seeing her at a club where a friend of our's plays and today I just want to call her so bad. I have done everything to get her off my mind but nothing seems to work. But I will stand my ground and keep up nc. She has emailed me about stuff but I keep the replies short and polite. Nothing crazy, they are not bothering me like they did, so I am OK with the emails. I know she is trying to bait me in to contacting her with them so I stick to the subject of the email and act very professional. But knowing she was out while I set thinking about us bothered me. I do get out but I have to spend a lot of time at home with my child and you know what they say about idle time. So when I do get a chance I live it up. I have had several other women interested in me since the break up but I can't seem to give them a fair shake because of my ex. So I am trying to make sure that I don't bring any of the baggage from our relationship into a new one. But that brings up the fear of letting the ONE get away because I am hung up on the ex. God what to do. Life is life I guess. Just wish this was easier. I have been though worse, my child's mother was killed and believe it or not that seemed easier because there was closure no guessing or wondering. It stop at that moment. Thanks for reading this and any advice that is given.

[QUOTE=redwee74;1340348]Hey Everyone, well it has been exactly two weeks of nc and I was doing good. Getting angry at her, realizing some of her faults and things of that natural then last night some other person mentioned seeing her at a club where a friend of our's plays and today I just want to call her so bad. I have done everything to get her off my mind but nothing seems to work. But I will stand my ground and keep up nc. She has emailed me about stuff but I keep the replies short and polite. Nothing crazy, they are not bothering me like they did, so I am OK with the emails. I know she is trying to bait me in to contacting her with them so I stick to the subject of the email and act very professional. But knowing she was out while I set thinking about us bothered me. I do get out but I have to spend a lot of time at home with my child and you know what they say about idle time. So when I do get a chance I live it up. I have had several other women interested in me since the break up but I can't seem to give them a fair shake because of my ex. So I am trying to make sure that I don't bring any of the baggage from our relationship into a new one. But that brings up the fear of letting the ONE get away because I am hung up on the ex. God what to do. Life is life I guess. Just wish this was easier. I have been though worse, my child's mother was killed and believe it or not that seemed easier because there was closure no guessing or wondering. It stop at that moment. Thanks for reading this and any advice that is given.[/QUOTe

Hang in there man

Thanks Dare, I will. I just seen her and wow was that hard. Well it was yesterday and all I think about is her now. This really ain't cool. How could I let someone have that much control over me? This place helps a lot but sometimes I need a little push to keep going and not sit around and dwell on her. Just an update and everyone Good Luck and God Bless.

Over thanksgiving when my ex came home she showed up at my house unexpectedly as I have blocked her from all form of contact with me. Should have seen my face when I saw her at the door. We talked for about an hour... and wasn't that bad for me. I got a lot of answers and got a lot of things out that I wanted to. She really wasn't on that pedestal anymore, and I was actually really surprised at how different she looked to me through clearer eyes. She told me that when I move down south we should date again... And I'll tell you, I felt incredibly empowered when I looked her in the eyes and said no, that will never happen again, you had your chance and I can never trust you again...

It made her pretty upset... and maybe came off a bit mean, but oh well. She put me through hell... That was probably the last time I will hear or see her in a long time so it was nice to get that off my chest.

I just hit the half year mark for my break up a few days ago, I am doing very very good but am still not there yet. It made me realize how much time is really necessary to get over a long term relationship. For all you guys that are at the 1 or 2 month mark, don't kid yourselves by saying you are over it, just accept that you're not and that its going to take a long time. Trust me, one day you will be over it and all those feelings you had for your ex will be washed away. I'm at 6 months and I'm still not, but getting closer with every passing week. We'll get there, everybody goes through this... Keep those heads up!

I don't even know what day it is of NC for me overall, but something just snapped today, I don't know what it was. I want my heart, my life, everything, I just want it back. If she doesn't want it then why do I keep giving it to her, I'm taking my life back for me. I'm sick of it, I want to be happy again without her.

Just one of those days where something finally clicks.

NNG,

Nice to hear that you handled it well. It must have been a nice gauge of how you have been handling it since it happened. I believe I have just passed my 6 month mark as well (I don't know the exact date anymore).

Glad to hear your doing well, keep it up man!

Over thanksgiving when my ex came home she showed up at my house unexpectedly as I have blocked her from all form of contact with me. Should have seen my face when i saw her at the door. We talked for about an hour... and wasn't that bad for me. I got a lot of answers and got a lot of things out that I wanted to. She really wasn't on that pedestal anymore, and I was actually really surprised at how different she looked to me through clearer eyes. She told me that when I move down south we should date again... And I'll tell you, I felt incredibly empowered when I looked her in the eyes and said no, that will never happen again, you had your chance and I can never trust you again....

It made her pretty upset... and maybe came off a bit mean, but oh well. She put me through hell... That was probably the last time I will hear or see her in a long time so it was nice to get that off my chest.

I just hit the half year mark for my break up a few days ago, I am doing very very good but am still not there yet. It made me realize how much time is really necessary to get over a long term relationship. For all you guys that are at the 1 or 2 month mark, don't kid yourselves by saying you are over it, just accept that you're not and that its going to take a long time. Trust me, one day you will be over it and all those feelings you had for your ex will be washed away. I'm at 6 months and I'm still not, but getting closer with every passing week. We'll get there, everybody goes through this... Keep those heads up!

Good to see that you are doing great man.Nice pic too.

I'm back in N/C! Welcome me back guys, lol.

Welcome back Dazt.

Update on my situtaion, its been almost 6 week since our break up, and almost 3 since I talked to her, but for the last couple of days I have been felling really depressed and misreable.Probally because I have some other family issues going on, I wish I could call her and talk to her.

Now done with 8 weeks. 2/3rds of the way to my 90 days!

Been a solid five weeks of NC for me now (I think?) but it's rather hard to know as I haven't really been counting. At first I was reluctant to believe the whole: "One month for every year of relationship" thing but now I think that's actually true. Granted I'm not feeling nearly as down as I used to, I still have my ups and downs.

My biggest problem I think is that I still spend too much thinking about her. Even though I'm dead certain that I don't want her back, I for some reason spend so much time being angry with her. Keeping NC on the other hand isn't really that much of a problem. I'm actually more afraid that I'll bump into her one day because if I do, it probably won't be pretty.

I haven't posted for awhile, I think its because I reached the point where no words could help me and it was just a matter of time. I still love and miss my ex, it was 5 months since we broke up 2 days ago. It's my birthday today, he messaged me to say happy birthday though we have no contact. It hasn't been as bad as I envisaged it couldve been without him though. Maybe things are finally starting to get better

It's unfortunate but I think the NC calender is slowly dying. It's been removed as a sticky and seems to be dwindling... which might be a good thing. Could mean we are all moving on?

It's unfortunate but i think the NC calender is slowly dying. It's been removed as a sticky and seems to be dwindling... which might be a good thing. could mean we are all moving on??

I was going to say the same thing.Even though this website has been really help full, part of moving on involves moving on from this website too.

Been a solid five weeks of NC for me now (I think?) but it's rather hard to know as I haven't really been counting. At first I was reluctant to believe the whole: "One month for every year of relationship" thing but now I think that's actually true. Granted I'm not feeling nearly as down as I used to, I still have my ups and downs.

My biggest problem I think is that I still spend too much thinking about her. Even though I'm dead certain that I don't want her back, I for some reason spend so much time being angry with her. Keeping NC on the other hand isn't really that much of a problem. I'm actually more afraid that i'll bump into her one day because if I do, it probably won't be pretty.

I am really not sure about one month for every year of a relationship, I think it depends on how intense your relationship was and how much you were involved in it

It's unfortunate but i think the NC calender is slowly dying. It's been removed as a sticky and seems to be dwindling... which might be a good thing. could mean we are all moving on??

Even though all of us right now are moving on, I can't help but think that there's naturally going to be others who will need this calendar days in the future. I say keep it a sticky to be fair, it helped me a lot back when I was still hurting at the most, and there's still many people who are likely to be needing similar help in the future. It's been a quiet period though, I agree.

I am really not sure about one month for every year of a relationship, i think it depends on how intense your relationship was and how much you were involved in it

I really don't think that one month rule holds much water. I was with my GF for just about 7 years, and we've been broken up for over 3. I highly doubt I'll be anywhere near over her in less than 4 months. I still think about and miss her constantly now.

Agreed, mine was four years and I am 6 months in, doing very well but not over it. Rules like that don't hold much merit, every individual reacts and recovers differently. But we'll all get over it eventually, you can count on that.

agreed, mine was four years and I am 6 months in, doing very well but not over it. Rules like that don't hold much merit, every individual reacts and recovers differently. But we'll all get over it eventually, you can count on that.

I was with my ex for a year and 1/2. It've been 4 months since we broke up but I can't say I am over her. Of all my ex, this one I would say was the toughest to move on from. I was living with her the whole time so I guess there are a lot of memories that I am still holding onto. But I can say I feel a lot better now than 4 months ago.

Just to clarify- I am a girl lol. My ex boyfriend has started talking to me again, I feel fine with it, but I'm not sure if it could have negative consequences in the future?

Just to clarify- i am a girl lol. My ex bf has started talking to me again, I feel fine with it, but I'm not sure if it could have negative consequences in the future?

If you think there will be then you're not totally over it. I'm not going to talk to mine until I can safely say I don't care for her at all. (by then I don't even see why I would care to talk to her)

What I want to know is what purpose do you see in talking to him? If you feel like it could be detrimental to you at all either now or in the future than why risk it. You've come so far, you don't need to take any steps back.

We broke up five months ago and the break up was messy and awful, all kind of things happened and I found out lots of awful things. But basically because of that he gave me an epic apology which I knew he would eventually-because I know him better than he knows himself, and we just kept talking casually online from then-that's all it is. In a way talking to him is making me feel a bit better because the anger is lessening due to me demonising him less.

6 months past already.

I'm back now.

Not long.

Hey guys and gals been a while, but my nc don't work to well because of myself but some light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. This weekend had a date with a promising young lady. After the date ex contact, she must have radar or keep some sort of tabs on me but anyway she said come over so of course I did, nothing happened just talking but I was the reason. The milk was there if I wanted it. I noticed how everything she was talking about was her and how ever thing was everyone else's fault. I really became disgusted with her. I left after about a hour or two and felt really bad about even going to see her. But this is the first time I have seen her in a real light since the breakup and I believe that I may have passed the hump. Fingers crossed, any opinions about this would help. I just noticed how selfish she is and what a truly awful person she can be. Her life is sad and she is sad, I almost feel pity for her. Well God Bless and Good Luck to everyone.

I'm about to be on 3 dayz... I know its short. But it feels like hell. Because I told her how and I wanted to be with her. If you read my posts ull understand more. But yea 3 days. I just want an answer from her

im about to be on 3 dayz... i know its short. but it feels like hell. because i told her how and i wanted to be with her. if u read my posts ull understand more. but yea 3 days. i just want an answer from her

She's going to be on your mind a lot longer than 3 days, man. 12 weeks for me and I still think about her every day. Just have to let it go and move on. Nothing else you can go. It sucks to feel powerless over the situation, but the only thing you can go now is improve yourself.

She's gunna be on your mind a lot longer than 3 days, man. 12 weeks for me and I still think about her every day. Just have to let it go and move on. Nothing else you can go. It sucks to feel powerless over the situation, but the only thing you can go now is improve yourself.

I agree with Big Crew, its been about 12 weeks for me too,and I still think about her everyday.It has though gotten a lot better.Keep at it.

Been 28 weeks and I still think about her everyday. Most of the pain is gone but every now and then it can hurt. You never really get over the person until your heart moves on... because until then all you have to associate with a relationship and loving someone is the heartache you suffered. It gets leaps and bound better though, I promise you that. I am definitely my old self again!

I was in a small relationship with a friend whom left me because her mom does not approve of us dating. Well, she started talking to another guy and hooked up with him.

Instead of waiting for action, I deleted her of myspace, her moms' phone number, and her messages.

been 28 weeks and I still think about her everyday. Most of the pain is gone but every now and then it can hurt. You never really get over the person until your heart moves on.... because until then all you have to associate with a relationship and loving someone is the heartache you suffered. It gets leaps and bound better though, i promise you that. I am definitely my old self again!

I don't know why, but every time you post advice (which is typically great advice, btw), I'm reminded of the movie Swingers. Don't ask me why. Any guy who has been through, or is going through a breakup, needs to watch that movie.

Yeah I know it gets better but nc makes it go faster. I am getting better slowly but still have contact every now and then. I am doing it to myself and learning the hard way. It boils down to this, if they felt the way we do about them, our ex's would be with us. Good Luck and God Bless.

Since I used this thread a lot in my breakup, I figure its only fair to contribute back.

I suppose my NC technically ended last night. My ex messaged me condolences about a death in my family, and I ended up talking to her for a while. This was about 7-8 months of no contact at all.

One heck of a weird feeling. We talked for about an hour and a half, caught up on what's been going on, and left it on a nice note. She told me that she was sure we'd talk again, and I said sure.

After thoughts: Thought about her more than normal today, but nothing negative. Didn't really miss her so much as just thought about us more than I had in the past. Im functioning just as well as I have been, and I'm not worried about the conversation. More of a "I wonder if/when she'll contact me again".

So did I fail? Who knows. After the NC that I had, in the last month or so, I finally felt like I was totally over it. Thought about her a lot, but never in a bad way. Never had down moments, nothing I heard about her would get to me, and anything that did bug me, did so for a second or two.

I wasn't my old self again, but I was a new self. I was finally content being single again.

Any thoughts from anyone who's been there - had contact after such a long time?

I don't know Bigbird. NC ended for me a couple of days ago as well, think it had been going for 3 or 4 months, I'm not entirely sure.
My ex contacted me and needed help because her internet had shut down completely in the apartment she's living in. At first I was really hesitant and didn't want to go help her, mostly because when she broke up with me she kind of lost that privilege to ask for my help.

Either way she lives literally five minutes down the street and I didn't want to be a total bumhole so I agreed to go over there and help try to fix it, particularly since we're in the middle of our exam periods and being left without internet then can be frustrating to say the least. Furthermore I didn't really feel like I had any emotional attachment to her any longer. Ever since we broke up I've been keeping myself so busy and changed so much I've become terrified of changing back into the person I was back then, pushing everything aside for another human being.

Anyway a part of me really wanted to see her face again, not because I actually wanted to, but because I needed to see how I reacted to it. I hadn't seen or heard from her ever since we had broken up and with the two of us living so close to each other I was terrified that one day I'd run into her and have a complete breakdown again.

So yeah, I went over there to help fix it. Appearantly there had been like four people over before me trying to get it done and none of them could, so it was appearant she was rather desperate at the time (which wasn't much of a shocker, my ex was always very proud and I found it odd that she'd ask for my help). It was a little bit odd. We kind of spoke together like nothing had ever happened (and like those five years hadn't happened either), I fixed the internet, then I just left.

For me it was a massive relief anyway to know that I could talk to her and see her without being sad at all. I kind of felt like I actually had moved on, more so than I had thought myself.
Of course I still think about her and I'm not in a place where I would want to have a girlfriend again just yet, but I kind of felt like I got confirmation that I didn't want her back either. All in all it was good, but I felt like it was kind of a gamble. Going over there I had absolutely no idea how I would handle the situation, I'm just glad that this time, I could walk away with a little dignity. (Needless to say the last time we spoke, which was when she broke up with me, I was a pathetic mess).

Sounds like you handled it well Molecular. You seem to be fine, so that's a plus. Granted, I didn't see her in person, just talked online, but it was still nice. We didn't act like nothing happened either, it was a little odd at first, but I'm generally pretty good and making people feel comfortable, so it wasn't awkward after the first few minutes. Just... more... surreal I guess...

Sounds like you handled it well Molecular. You seem to be fine, so thats a plus. Granted, I didn't see her in person, just talked online, but it was still nice. We didn't act like nothing happened either, it was a little odd at first, but I'm generally pretty good and making people feel comfortable, so it wasn't awkward after the first few minutes. Just... more... surreal i guess...

I have talked to my ex a couple of times on the phone too in the last couple of months .it was all business.After I talked to her I though about her a lot for a couple of days before the feeling subsided.

Glad to hear that everyone is doing well. It've been over 4 months since me and my ex broke up and over 3 months of nc. I am sleeping better at night. I don't wake up in the middle of the night anymore. I still think about her but not constantly like before. When I think about her I still feel sad and pain but just for a short moment. I can't wait till that recovery date.

Biggie:

I responded to the other thread, but I'll do it again here.

I don't think you've "failed." I feel that "breaking NC" is more along the lines of you wanting to talk to her because you just want to hear her voice, you miss her, etc. I don't think talking to your ex is a HORRIBLE idea, but I do believe that you should tread that line carefully.

I say this, because the holidays are coming up, and for some reason, girls love seeking boyfriends around this time (I suppose it's because they don't want to spend it alone). Instead of finding a new guy, they go back to what they know, what they're comfortable with, and what they find security in.

Example:

My ex just got "back" with her new "ex" (the guy after me)

I have also been dating 3 - 4 girls simultaneously (nothing serious... ), and THREE of them got back with their exes last week. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

6-7 months...

4 months no contact

STILL SINGLE ;_____;
Why do guys have this idea "if your girl leaves you, sleep with others to get it over with or get a new one the next day?"

Yeh... it's been almost a year since I had sex too D:

I might die from Darwin's theory "Survival of the Fittest" ;___;

I think that's a thing that varies from person to person Hjpan. Personally I've not been with anyone else since me and my ex broke it off.

Quite frankly, although I'm done being sad about it, I'm just not ready to move on. And personally I'd feel awful if I just "used" another woman for some slight sense of recovery. Granted it would give some probably much needed self-esteem telling me that I can meet and have relations with other women without my ex, because quite frankly after relationships as long as the ones most of us here are coming out of, that could sometimes be a much needed thing, but at the end of the day I'm proud of the way I handled my problems and moved on.

But I think it all varies from person to person how you want to take those steps to get over your last significant other, just letting you know you're not the only one who's not taking that approhach ;-;.

Biggie:

I responded to the other thread, but I'll do it again here.

I don't think you've "failed." I feel that "breaking NC" is more along the lines of you wanting to talk to her because you just want to hear her voice, you miss her, etc. I don't think talking to your ex is a HORRIBLE idea, but I do believe that you should tread that line carefully.

I say this, because the holidays are coming up, and for some reason, girls love seeking boyfriends around this time (I suppose it's because they don't want to spend it alone). Instead of finding a new guy, they go back to what they know, what they're comfortable with, and what they find security in.

Example:

My ex just got "back" with her new "ex" (the guy after me)

I have also been dating 3 - 4 girls simultaneously (nothing serious...), and THREE of them got back with their exes last week. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

Have not heard from my ex.Thank God for that.Dont need that drama in my life.
Hope everyone else is doing okay.
Happy eid .

I think that's a thing that varies from person to person Hjpan. Personally I've not been with anyone else since me and my ex broke it off.

Quite frankly, although i'm done being sad about it, I'm just not ready to move on. And personally I'd feel awful if I just "used" another woman for some slight sense of recovery. Granted it would give some probably much needed self-esteem telling me that I can meet and have relations with other women without my ex, because quite frankly after relationships as long as the ones most of us here are coming out of, that could sometimes be a much needed thing, but at the end of the day I'm proud of the way I handled my problems and moved on.

But I think it all varies from person to person how you want to take those steps to get over your last significant other, just letting you know you're not the only one who's not taking that approhach ;-;.


I understand the concept....
I also don't really want to "use" another woman... an one night stand...

The problem you're facing hj, may be that you're just not going out enough? Are you actually ready to move on?

I mean, I never "used" any girls to get over my ex (that's a lie... I lied. I used many... many women to get over my ex... and I DO feel bad about it... sorta).

Granted, now, if I have a one night stand (or one that lasts two/three weeks until she brings up the "what are we" talk), I don't use that to get over my ex... that's just simply all for me.

Four months after a breakup, especially your breakup (I've read your posts from the beginning), may not be long enough... probably at around 6 months or so, you'll feel ready to go out and have a little fun.

The problem you're facing hj, may be that you're just not going out enough? Are you actually ready to move on?

I mean, I never "used" any girls to get over my ex (that's a lie...I lied. I used many...many women to get over my ex...and I DO feel bad about it...sorta).

Granted, now, if I have a one night stand (or one that lasts two/three weeks until she brings up the "what are we" talk), I don't use that to get over my ex...that's just simply all for me.

Four months after a breakup, especially your breakup (I've read your posts from the beginning), may not be long enough...probably at around 6 months or so, you'll feel ready to go out and have a little fun.


Well... we've broken up for almost 7 months... last time I talked to her was about 4 months ago...

I just feel so.... "manhood-less"....

For Christmas, I have no one to go to... my friends are with their girls, family, and friends... many turned into alcoholics, sexaholics, and drug addicts. My parents work overseas and my relatives don't celebrate Christmas.... I am pretty much alone

I hear you man, Hjpan. Personally I'm working on christmas eve, alone that is (work part time at a gas station). Kind of sad, it's going to feel lonely.

Now on the topic of ex-girlfriends (and appearantly so, crazy ones) I just had to share this:

First to summarize a bit: My ex has contacted me several times in the past since we broke up. Each time it's always been with the intention of saying something that would hurt me to see how I reacted to it, and each time I've held my ground, shrugged it off, and not cared much about it.
Then she stopped bothering me, a few months pass, and last week she started talking to me on msn again.

Why I haven't blocked her until now I'll never know, guess I'm an idiot. Anyway she starts talking about how it feels so odd and wrong that she doesn't have to get me a preasent for christmas this year etc, and I say that this is the first christmas in five years where I'm actually not stressing about christmas preasents (hers was the only one I really devoted time to, and each year I was majorly stressed out because I was bit of a perfectionist when it came to her preasents).


Not thinking much more of it we continue talking rather casually when she suddenly sais, and get this, it's rather hilarious: "If I start dating someone else, do you want me to tell you about it? So you don't have to hear it from someone else?".

At this time I was raging pretty hard, I mean jesus it's been what, 3-4 months? Is she still expecting that I sit at home all day long sulking over losing her, who's to say I'm not dating anyone else by this time? I very well could have. I think this was the most egosentric question anyone has ever asked me. I wanted to flip out right then and there and ask her just exactly how stuck up she was but instead I just said: "huh? It's not like I care, anymore". At which point she just got mad and started tossing crap at me and I basically just stopped replying.

So yesterday I wake up and I've gotten a text message from her. It goes something like this: "I've been thinking about calling you almost every single day the last week, but I managed to prevent myself from doing so. I've had the worst week imaginable, but it's getting better now...I hope you're doing well and good luck with your last remaining exams".

I took a lot of time pondering this text message.A part of me was telling me not to reply, but I wanted to see where this was going, so I just casually asked (and taking no note of the whole "I've been wanting to call you almost every day"-thing, because quite frankly, I couldn't care less) and I asked what exactly made this week so bad. And get this, she starts spewing the usual: "this and that course I got very bad grades" "We almost got thrown out of our appartment again" and "I'm about to have my last exam today and I will probably fail it blabla" and in the middle of it all she sais, and get this: "I also had to break up with some guy yesterday, not that we were really dating but yeah, long story".

WHAT? She's putting this up on the list of reasons she's had a bad week and wanted to call me? What the hell is wrong with this woman.

Again, I almost flipped, it's been months since we broke up and she's still coming after me trying to make me feel bad. You'd think when she broke up with me she'd just leave me the heck alone, but no, what is this? I'm seriously raging so hard right now I can't explain it with words.

The whole thing is just so sad. I spent five years with this woman and I had nothing but respect for her. In fact, much of the reason why I loved her so much was because she was always too mature for petty crap like this, and she just seemed to be above it all. Looking back on the five years we spent together and I never knew this is how she was really like? Scares the crap out of me. Right now she's acting like the most childish and egosentric person I've ever met. For the last few hours I've been trying really really hard to not to text her back a bunch of cursewords, profanities and whatnot, but I figured I wouldn't even dignify that last message with an answer.

Now I'm not saying I'm sad or anything, I'm just angry and rather confused at how someone can stoop to this level. I'm almost feeling harassed here, I think this is the fourth time she's come after me trying to make me feel bad. I thought I reserved the right to be the jackass, after all, I'm the one who got dumped (lol).

I guess in a way I'm rather content that after all the crap I've let her throw at me, I've just shrugged it off casually, and I guess at some level it's eating up inside of her. Why this is I have no idea, but I feel pretty good about the whole thing at the end of the day. I'm doing better than ever, I don't think I've ever been as independent and secure about myself as I've been the last months after me and my ex broke it off, whereas things have obviously not gone as well for her.

Jebus, this turned out to be longer than expected, thanks for listening anyway if you actually bothered reading it all. Feels like a load off my chest.

Well it's a good thing you summarized that Molecular ;)

I have come to learn over the past 8 months that love really is blind and that more often than not your ex did act this way while you were with them. You were just blind to see the real them because of your feelings for them. Like you, I still can't believe my ex acts the way she does... it feels like I totally don't know her anymore, but when I talk to friends about it they tell me, "NNG, she was always like that"

It's quite obvious that your blowing her off has gotten to her and that all these comments she throws a you are to get a reaction... and its just eating away at her that you haven't freaked out yet. How she could think you would give a rat's a$$ about some guy she had to end something with is beyond me... and then to further say that it's a long story as if to make you want to fish for more information.

So you got to do yourself a favor, ignore her now. What's the point in continuing this contact, an obvious pattern has developed and she is not going to stop as long as you keep allowing her to talk to you. Block and delete her on msn, Facebook and whatever else.

Ha ha you should know better by now mole!!

I see that Molecular :P~

I just feel so.... obsolete, lonely, friend-less etc.

All my friends will be having a great time partying, getting drunk, banging hot chicks etc. I would probably sit in my room by myself with a small cup cake, celebrating my 20th b-day.

I've started thinking deeply about enlisting in the military. I dropped out of university after finishing one year, currently going for nursing degree (planning to finish in 6 months), and stayy by myself. I have seen a lot of cute girls but I feel like they are not my type =/

How are you guys doing? I am into four months of NC and I can't seem to get her out of my system. All my friends went on vacation too and I am alone. Where do you meet girls these days? What would be the best place to meet girls?

Well at four months I would say that't too be expected. I wouldn't get to concerned with meeting women right now... it will happen. I find the best way is through friends and activities... like organized sports or volunteering. Does your school have an intramural program? You'd be amazed at all the free activities and clubs offered by schools and communities... especially toronto! Get involved and force yourself to sign up for something, if anything you will make some new friends, and there is nothing wrong with that. It will come, don't dwell on it!

Where do you meet girls these days

NNG, is right, girls are every where all over the place. Maybe focusing on the things you like to do, and the activities you enjoy most, would be a better thing to do, since you don't seem to be able to see all these females running around, in vast abundance..!

Dontcha hate it, when that happens??

Watch it,. here comes one now!!

I am planning to call up few recruiter offices and discuss enlisting. I just feel so.... alone~

well at four months I would say that't too be expected. I wouldn't get to concerned with meeting women right now... it will happen. I find the best way is through friends and activities... like organized sports or volunteering. Does your school have an intramural program? You'd be amazed at all the free activities and clubs offered by schools and communities... especially toronto! Get involved and force yourself to sign up for something, if anything you will make some new friends, and there is nothing wrong with that. It will come, don't dwell on it!

I am 34 now and it's hard to meet women when you work 5 days a week. I broke up for 5 months now. You don't think it's good to date women yet? You are right about finding women. Sometime they'll just pop up unexpectedly.

NNG, is right, girls are every where all over the place.

So true that it hurts.

Take this for example. Last weekend, I went out with a friend who was celebrating her 21st birthday. At the bar, was a group of 11 girls. I decided to go see what the commotion was, and found out it was a bachelorette party, and were looking for some guys to go clubbing with.

So, I mixed my group with theirs, and it ended up a pretty good night.

I also got hit on by the taco bell drive through lady. She asked, "omg, what is that cologne you're wearing? I love it!" My response, "...14 hour shift."

... girls. Are. Everywhere.

Update on my "nc" situation... I put quotes because it's been so long I really don't need to "nc" it anymore.

My ex has stopped calling/texting/the works... at least for now. I have had about 2 months of peace and quiet... sorta.

The ex previous to my most recent ex recently called to see if I wanted to have dinner with her. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years, so I figure, what the hey. I had a great time. Looks like she turned her entire life around, went back to school, got a job, etc. I was impressed. That was all.

update on my "nc" situation...I put quotes because it's been so long I really don't need to "nc" it anymore.

my ex has stopped calling/texting/the works...at least for now. I have had about 2 months of peace and quiet...sorta.

The ex previous to my most recent ex recently called to see if I wanted to have dinner with her. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years, so I figure, what the hey. I had a great time. Looks like she turned her entire life around, went back to school, got a job, etc. I was impressed. That was all.


It's strange how the world works. It's seem that when we don't want the ex back they want us in their life but as soon as we take them back they run. ISneeze, let assume that you would take her back you think it would workout?

I think the trick is just having to balls to approach women in social situations...

The thing I have gathered from talking to girlfriends is that they are just as interested as I am, its just a matter of going out and getting it.

Of course take it slow, we don't all grow as big as sneezy, approacing 11 girls in a bar might not be for everyone haha...

But really, what do you have to lose.

but really, what do you have to lose.

Approaching women is my problem. Some people just have that gift. If I can think like that then I would have tons of women right now lol.

so true that it hurts.

take this for example. last weekend, I went out with a friend who was celebrating her 21st birthday. At the bar, was a group of 11 girls. I decided to go see what the commotion was, and found out it was a bachelorette party, and were looking for some guys to go clubbing with.

So, I mixed my group with theirs, and it ended up a pretty good night.

I also got hit on by the taco bell drive thru lady. she asked, "omg, what is that cologne you're wearing? I love it!" My response, "...14 hour shift."

...girls. are. everywhere.



UNDERAGED girls are everywhere at my workplace ;_____;

UNDERAGED girls are everywhere at my workplace ;_____;

And you wonder why nobody takes you seriously...

and you wonder why nobody takes you seriously...

what does that have to do with me not being taken seriously...?

I got to say, I didn't used to have "balls" to approach random girls. I was the shy timid kid in the classroom. Once in high school, a girl asked me to homecoming, and I told her I had an appointment but I'd call her to let her know.

... never called. Freaked. Out.

I think I "grew" balls after the breakup. I started working out, eating right, lost about 30 lbs, got decent clothes, and just... stopped... caring about anything. First time at a club, my friend and I were... quite sloshed, and we started hitting on random girls. By random, I mean... any female that moved.

I ended up getting rejected... every... single... time. By at least 50 girls. Then I realized, hey, this is nothing. You get rejected, you move on.

To answer hungtoronto, my most recent ex and I would never work out. Mainly because, although she understood me the most, she also hurt me the most. The other exes... sure, they lied, etc. but from her, I never expected it. That's a lesson in life.

The ex before the most recent ex... I could see it working. Plus, she's ridiculously hot. It always helps.

Also, there's a book called The Game. It's from that show "the pickup artist"

Amazon.com: The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists: Neil Strauss: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738)

My friends, all swore by this book. I mean, I had a few classmates who carried this thing around like a bible. It is 450 pages of "how to get a girl"... so, I decided to check it out.

About... 300 pages of it... is "APPROACH THE GIRL" and the next 100 pages is "WHAT TO SAY TO THE GIRL" and the last 50 pages is "SHE REJECTED YOU? GET OVER IT. APPROACH NEXT GIRL"

... ridiculous.

also, there's a book called The Game. It's from that show "the pickup artist"

Amazon.com: The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists: Neil Strauss: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738)

My friends, all swore by this book. I mean, I had a few classmates who carried this thing around like a bible. It is 450 pages of "how to get a girl"...so, I decided to check it out.

About...300 pages of it...is "APPROACH THE GIRL" and the next 100 pages is "WHAT TO SAY TO THE GIRL" and the last 50 pages is "SHE REJECTED YOU? GET OVER IT. APPROACH NEXT GIRL"

...ridiculous.

I am buying the book( need to grow some balls)

NO! NO! NO!

I pretty much TOLD you how the book is. NOT. WORTH. IT.

NO! NO! NO!

I pretty much TOLD you how the book is. NOT. WORTH. IT.

Hahha.I was just kidding , not buying it.The only good thing about this Christmas is I don't have to spend any money on gifts.(My family doesn't celebrate Christmas).

I ended up getting rejected...every...single...time. By at least 50 girls. Then I realized, hey, this is nothing. You get rejected, you move on.


Thats the secret, getting over the fear of rejection.

Thats the secret, getting over the fear of rejection.

My fear is getting over the fear of "socializing"

Thats the secret, getting over the fear of rejection.

My problem is just approach a girl and say hi. If I am in a group or if I get introduce then I can talk no problem.

Come on guys, it's the same thing basically. Don't you agree?

My problem is just approach a girl and say hi. If I am in a group or if I get introduce then I can talk no problem.

Hmm

Same exact situation but I stopped hanging out with group of friends cause they turned their backs on me.

I work alone, eat alone....

Life has turned upside down for me.
But I tell myself I will return one day with fame, wealth, and abundance of love inside of me as well as my future girlfriends/wife(ves)

Does anybody else feel the need to talk to their ex today? Or is it just me

I do, and despite deciding to take time away from him I txted him, and he txt back, and I txt back...

It's the holidays. That's why. Three of my potential "women" have gotten back with their ex boyfriends in the past month. Guess what? In about two months, they'll be back. It's the winter season, the holidays, no one wants to be alone. That's why.

And look, my ex just texted me "Merry Christmas Sneezy"

... f... that.

Hj, you got to just relax. The key is to not THINK about these things. Just go on about your life, and the rest comes easily.

It's Christmas. You know what that means? Bar time. For those who are of legal age, go to a bar after spending time with your family, and meet some people.

It's the holidays. That's why. Three of my potential "women" have gotten back with their ex boyfriends in the past month. Guess what? In about two months, they'll be back. It's the winter season, the holidays, no one wants to be alone. That's why.

And look, my ex just texted me "Merry Christmas Sneezy"

...f...that.

hj, you gotta just relax. The key is to not THINK about these things. Just go on about your life, and the rest comes easily.

It's Christmas. You know what that means? Bar time. For those who are of legal age, go to a bar after spending time with your family, and meet some people.

Thank you :D

Speaking of bar... I took 5 bottles of beer and planning to drink myself to sleep tonight.

Thank you :D

Speaking of bar.... I took 5 bottles of beer and planning to drink myself to sleep tonight.

You didn't buy a six pack??

Does anybody else feel the need to talk to their ex today?? or is it just me

Yeah, I wanted to write her something but I stopped myself. End up going to a friend's Christmas party. I feel like I am 80% over her and if the right one come along now who I like I'll go for it.

I don't know if you can actually get over the ex if you don't find someone else. How do you know when you're ready and not rebound?

Hi everyone. Back from the christmas party. And... not... in the right state of mind.

I met a girl. Decided to pass over the "can I get your number"... went straight to, "I'll be at the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow night, at 9pm. Feel free to join me for a drink."

... hope she comes, I'm not too patient.

You didn't buy a six pack???

Nope.

hi everyone. back from the christmas party. and...not...in the right state of mind.

I met a girl. Decided to pass over the "can I get your number"...went straight to, "I'll be at the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow night, at 9pm. Feel free to join me for a drink."

...hope she comes, I'm not too patient.

Hope it works out.

New year, fresh start, leave all those exes behind, move onto bigger and better things!

There you go.

As far as my cheesecake girl, it worked! She came, I was a little late :(, but we had drinks, good times.

Hope none of you is staying home by yourself drinking to celebrate the new year. Spend it with the ones you love.

there you go.

as far as my cheesecake girl, it worked! she came, I was a little late :(, but we had drinks, good times.

hope none of you is staying home by yourself drinking to celebrate the new year. Spend it with the ones you love.

happy late new years... my b-day too

I spent my b-day & new years in the worst case ever.

What happened hjpan let it out I'm listening...

My birthday is coming up , I hope that my ex does not call me and if she does I hope I don't pick up

Just an update,


Yesterday, someone called me with a block ID. I picked up but that person hang up. I got a feeling it was my ex. Funny thing is today my ex text me about her mail after 5 months NC. She said she want to come over to pick them up next week.

She changed her number but I don't think it was because of me. Anyway with this text I got her phone number again.

Even though I wanted to contact her for the past month but somehow when I got her number I am afraid to call her. She caused me so much pain. I know where she worked for a few months now but I didn't bother going there and break NC. My friend confirmed it.

My friend live around the corner from where she works. I'll ask my friend to bring her the mails so that I don't have to see her.


I had this letter in my head for a while now but never go through with it. I think it's manipulation what do you guys think. I probably regret it later on. Here goes.


Dear ex,


We haven't talk for a while. I need time to heal from the breakup and I am OK now.

Attached is a check for 2K. This is for some of the rent you paid me ( by the way, I paid for everything, she paid 300 a month for rent to me). I thought I would save this money for a rainy day but since we are not together anymore I want you to have it. Since you don't have family here you'll need the money more than I do.

We also plan a trip to xxx which I promised to paid for the ticket (cost 2k). I think you should keep the money. You should go back home to see your mom, although I know she made a lot of mistake in the past and hurt you I know deep down she love you a lot.

Take care of yourself

Dear ex,


We haven't talk for a while. I need time to heal from the breakup and I am ok now.

Attached is a check for 2K. This is for some of the rent you paid me ( btw, I paid for everything, she paid 300 a month for rent to me). I thought I would save this money for a rainy day but since we are not together anymore I want you to have it. Since you don't have family here you'll need the money more than I do.

We also plan a trip to xxx which I promised to paid for the ticket (cost 2k). I think you should keep the money. You should go back home to see your mom, although I know she made a lot of mistake in the past and hurt you I know deep down she love you a lot.

Take care of yourself

Well I will tell you what popped into my head instantly after reading that. GUILT TRIP! If someone sent me that I would immediately think they were trying to make me feel bad or guilty, and that I some how owed them something. What are you doing giving her 2k!! Fine give her the money for the rent (has she actually asked for it) but not for a trip you guys were supposed to take together where you were going to take care of the bill... how is she entitled to the money for a trip you were going to pay for that you never took. That's your money so enjoy it. It sucks that she doesn't have family around but that's her problem now, not yours. It's almost like the 2k is your silly way of getting a reaction out of her, something along the lines of "aw your so sweet, thank you so much, what was I thinking when I left you". Keep that money and don't send a letter!

Good call on getting your friend to give her the mail. Don't call her and definitely never go to her work... that just says desperate. You are doing great so just keep pushing forward!!

Just an update,


Yesterday, someone called me with a block ID. I picked up but that person hang up. I got a feeling it was my ex. Funny thing is today my ex txt me about her mail after 5 months NC. She said she want to come over to pick them up next week.

she changed her number but I don't think it was because of me. Anyway with this txt I got her phone number again.

Even though I wanted to contact her for the past month but somehow when I got her number I am afraid to call her. She caused me so much pain. I know where she worked for a few months now but I didn't bother going there and break NC. My friend confirmed it.

My friend live around the corner from where she works. I'll ask my friend to bring her the mails so that I don't have to see her.


I had this letter in my head for a while now but never go through with it. I think it's manipulation what do you guys think. I probably regret it later on. Here goes.


Dear ex,


We haven't talk for a while. I need time to heal from the breakup and I am ok now.

Attached is a check for 2K. This is for some of the rent you paid me ( btw, I paid for everything, she paid 300 a month for rent to me). I thought I would save this money for a rainy day but since we are not together anymore I want you to have it. Since you don't have family here you'll need the money more than I do.

We also plan a trip to xxx which I promised to paid for the ticket (cost 2k). I think you should keep the money. You should go back home to see your mom, although I know she made a lot of mistake in the past and hurt you I know deep down she love you a lot.

Take care of yourself

I agree with NNG here, if you really want to give away the money RED Cross or any other organization like that would be a great idea. I don't think you are really over your ex. We might think we are over them but we are really not. Keep your money spend it on ureself, there is no need for you to give her the rent money ( especially if she didn't ask fir it). Ask your friend to give hand over her things.
In my opinion this letter is not necessary

I don't know guys, even though she dumped me I felt that I did something wrong. I felt like it was my fault. I made her cry a lot and hurt her a lot but a lot of these were really out of my control. It takes two to tango and she didn't do her part.

That's why I feel I should give her the money. $2000 is nothing for me. All the time we spent together there were good time too. Giving her this money will help me with the guilt. How about give her the money but cut all the drama out of it?


BTW, I am going out on a date this weekend. Time to meet some ladies and forget about the ex.

Well fair enough and good that you are honest about your shortfalls in this break-up

But how often do you hear of someone giving their ex 2000 bucks because they feel guilty. It will come off as desperate and weird. If you really feel guilty about everything then just write a kind letter apologizing and wishing her well. I don't see how giving her money will let her know how you feel about it better.

I don't condone breaking NC but if you are going to do anything than just send a letter.

Dare and I are just saying this for no reason. Keep that money to yourself!

I don't know guys, even though she dumped me I felt that I did something wrong. I felt like it was my fault. I made her cry a lot and hurt her alot but alot of these were really out of my control. It takes two to tango and she didn't do her part.

That's why I feel I should give her the money. $2000 is nothing for me. All the time we spent together there were good time too. Giving her this money will help me with the guilt. How about give her the money but cut all the drama out of it?


BTW, I am going out on a date this weekend. Time to meet some ladies and forget about the ex.

There are a lot of things that we wish we could go back and do over again.Fact of the matter is its over with.You can't buy your way out of guilt. Just make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes again with the next one.

Good Luck on your date.

well fair enough and good that you are honest about your shortfalls in this break-up

But how often do you hear of someone giving their ex 2000 bucks because they feel guilty. It will come off as desperate and weird. If you really feel guilty about everything then just write a kind letter apologizing and wishing her well. I don't see how giving her money will let her know how you feel about it better.

I don't condone breaking NC but if you are going to do anything than just send a letter.

Dare and I are just saying this for no reason. Keep that money to yourself!!

Thanks Dare81 and NNG. I really needed that kick in the a**. I know it's wrong to write a letter right away but it has been six months. I am not totally over her but it's not like I miss her every minute. I still think about her maybe 1 hour a day. I come to accept how things are currently and I feel comfortable being single.

BTW, I haven't reply to her txt yet. Do you guy think it's wise to write a letter and apologize? It's not all my fault. I feel that If I write this letter I will look desperate in her eyes. Argggggggg, We never had a last conversation before we parted. We were both really upset when we parted.

Hey guys!

So my ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months and he is still bothering me!!

And stupid me, I answer to his emails and calls.

He sent me an email last night telling me that he thinks what we had was fate and that we were meant to be together and he wants me back and blah blah..

I feel so crappy!! I can't tell you guys how many times we've gone over this since we broke up.. I want to start no contact but I feel so weak sometimes and I feel so bad for him..

What do I do guys?

Hey guys!!

So my ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months and he is still bothering me!!!

And stupid me, I answer to his emails and calls.

He sent me an email last night telling me that he thinks what we had was fate and that we were meant to be together and he wants me back and blah blah..

I feel so crappy!!! I can't tell you guys how many times we've gone over this since we broke up..I want to start no contact but I feel so weak sometimes and I feel so bad for him..

What do I do guys?

If you keep answering to his emails and calls then it's hard to let go. Fortunately? My ex never contacted me so it is easier for me to heal. The best way is to block his emails and calls. What you don't know won't hurt you.

Yea I know.. I've known all that..

It's just so hard! Breakups suck!! I still love him, but I know I can't be with him! It's going to hurt him so bad when I tell him to stop contacting me.

Blah

Plonak,

Doing NC I realized a few things:

I can live without my ex.
My ex is not perfect neither although she blamed me for everything.
There are lots of girls out there. Who would be right for me.
I almost forgot my ex in just 6 months. If I remain in contact it would take a lot longer.
NC is not easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.
All relationships didn't workout for a reason and you will see those reasons clearly when you are healed. Even if they were your fault you'll be OK with it.

Thanks Dare81 and NNG. I really needed that kick in the a**. I know it's wrong to write a letter right away but it has been six months. I am not totally over her but it's not like I miss her every minute. I still think about her maybe 1 hour a day. I come to accept how things are currently and I feel comfortable being single.

BTW, I haven't reply to her txt yet. Do you guy think it's wise to write a letter and apologize? It's not all my fault. I feel that If I write this letter I will look desperate in her eyes. Argggggggg, We never had a last conversation before we parted. We were both really upset when we parted.

I think you should maybe wait another 6 months or something before you write a letter.You need to take emotions out of the equation to see who's faulty it really was and you can't do that right now

I think you should maybe wait another 6 months or something before you write a letter.You need to take emotions out of the equation to see who's faulty it really was and you can't do that right now

And chances are by then you won't even care to. Its funny how time heals you. Thinking about how hurtin' I was in the first few months of my breakup makes me smile.

And chances are by then you won't even care to. Its funny how time heals you. Thinking about how hurtin' I was in the first few months of my breakup makes me smile.

It will all depend on how my date goes this weekend j/k. Should I txt my ex regarding her mail today or next week? I got to look busy.

Haha, well just enjoy the date and don't take it too seriously. No pressure. I say just give the mail to you friend and let him give it to her. No need to text, and definitely no need to text before a date. If she responds with whatever who knows how it will affect you for your big night out.

No need to text, and definitely no need to text before a date. If she responds with whatever who knows how it will affect you for your big night out.


NNG you read me so well. It's funny how we all think the same thing. I won't txt her back then but if I don't she'll call me or txt me again. But you are right. No txt is better.

Hmm... I have not told my story on the NC calendar for a while, mainly because it's been over a year since my ex and I broke up.

Recent update...

I keep getting texts from my ex... it's been a regular thing for a while, but I just ignore it. This past week, I got a barrage of texts from her... one of them that stated she saw my best friend at a restaurant, etc. Great. Could care less. Never texted her back.

I just got one from her today... that said that my professor, mentor, and possibly best friend on the staff just passed away last night. Super duper great. I had to call her.

So, after a year and one month of me ignoring her, I called her. I wanted to find out more details about my professor. She had no details, and wanted to catch up... so I deflected and told her I was busy, and I had to work.

... if this girl is using a death of a man to get back in touch with me, she's got problems.

hmm...i have not told my story on the NC calendar for a while, mainly because it's been over a year since my ex and I broke up.

Recent update...

I keep getting texts from my ex...it's been a regular thing for a while, but I just ignore it. This past week, I got a barrage of texts from her...one of them that stated she saw my best friend at a restaurant, etc. Great. Could care less. Never texted her back.

I just got one from her today...that said that my professor, mentor, and possibly best friend on the staff just passed away last night. Super duper great. I had to call her.

So, after a year and one month of me ignoring her, I called her. I wanted to find out more details about my professor. She had no details, and wanted to catch up...so I deflected and told her I was busy, and I had to work.

...if this girl is using a death of a man to get back in touch with me, she's got problems.

If I am not wrong was she not dating someone else or did they break up?

She dated someone within a few days of us breaking up, and then they officially broke up within 6 months, but they are still "spending time together"... whatever that may mean.

haha, well just enjoy the date and don't take it too seriously. no pressure. I say just give the mail to you friend and let him give it to her. No need to text, and definitely no need to text before a date. If she responds with whatever who knows how it will affect you for your big night out.

Just an update,


I gave my friend the mails and he gave them to her. She said thanks to him and didn't even talk to the guy lol oh well.

The date was fun but there wasn't any attraction. But I didn't feel like I had to run back to my ex because of this. I met this very attractive woman at the gym I workout at (the date was her friend). She's a single parent, I am not into single parent but we get along great as friend. We can talk for hours on the phone. We hangout and workout together, we jog together for 50 min everyday I can barely keep up with her at the gym. She kept my mind off the ex which I think is a good thing.

Just an update,
I gave my friend the mails and he gave them to her. She said thanks to him and didn't even talk to the guy lol oh well.


My ex txt my friend yesterday and thank him for delivering the mail. She didn't even thank me. I could have thrown all her stuff out. He called me and tell me about it and didn't know how she got his number. It freaked him out. Well she used to have my cell phone and I figured that is how she got it.

Just when you thought you were doing so well then you hear something about the ex and it set u back a bit. I was ready to move on now this make me think again . Just venting.

Don't think. Just do.

Think of it as you going for a jog and someone stops you to ask the time.

Pick up the pace.

My ex txt my friend yesterday and thank him for delivering the mail. She didn't even thank me. I could have thrown all her stuff out. He called me and tell me about it and didn't know how she got his number. It freaked him out. Well she used to have my cell phone and I figured that is how she got it.

Just when you thought you were doing so well then you hear something about the ex and it set u back a bit. I was ready to move on now this make me think again . Just venting.

Minor setback. You will feel better in a couple of days.

Good Luck

Toronto,

Just be thankful that she is not contacting you to thank you. You don't need the hassle. You are doing no contact remember, the least she tries to reach out to you the better. And remember, you're not getting back with this woman, so does her not thanking you really mean anything... not at all.

Now that she has her mail look forward to an ex free life from now on. There is now no reason for you to talk to her.

Ps- Very impressed that you got your friend to give her the mail, be proud of yourself!

I broke No Contact today. I was browsing through Facebook friends and I saw a comment he left on one of our mutual friends saying something about him going on a double date and it going well and he likes the girl..

OUCH it felt like a knife stabbing in my stomach.. even though I told him to move on and that he can't be with me. IT STILL REALLY HURTS that he is moving on..

So, I sent him a nasty Facebook message, which did me no good..

This PROVES THAT BREAKING NO CONTACT CAN REALLY MESS UP YOUR RECOVERY AND YOUR DAY!!

Gosh I'm crying at my desk now..

I broke No Contact today. I was browsing through facebook friends and I saw a comment he left on one of our mutual friends saying something about him going on a double date and it going well and he likes the girl..

OUCH it felt like a knife stabbing in my stomach.. even though I told him to move on and that he can't be with me. IT STILL REALLY HURTS that he is moving on..

So, i sent him a nasty facebook message, which did me no good..

This PROVES THAT BREAKING NO CONTACT CAN REALLY MESS UP YOUR RECOVERY AND YOUR DAY!!!

Gosh im crying at my desk now..

Plonak!!

Ahhhhhh what are you doing! Well I am not going to say anything about it, you as much as anybody know you screwed up. That message you sent him probably did nothing but make him feel better. He knows he still has an effect on you. But like you said, you told him to move on and he is, so you should be happy for him. How bad does it look on you that you broke up with him and then get mad at him for moving on... not good.

Well I said I wouldn't say anything but it looks like I did. Just couldn't help myself from kicking you in the a$$. ;)

toronto,

Just be thankful that she is not contacting you to thank you. You don't need the hassle. You are doing no contact remember, the least she tries to reach out to you the better. And remember, you're not getting back with this woman, so does her not thanking you really mean anything... not at all.

Now that she has her mail look forward to an ex free life from now on. There is now no reason for you to talk to her.

ps- Very impressed that you got your friend to give her the mail, be proud of yourself!


I never had a girl doing that to me that's all. I am trying to be nice and I don't even get a thank you. Maybe she know it would hurt me if she say thanks or she just try to get under my skin by thanking my friend. This is the first time I ever did NC. I am sure it will be easier next time.

Don't put too much thought into it, Toronto. Women are very much different but if there's any one thing I learnt about my ex ever since she broke up with me it's that every time she contacts me she wants some form of validation, usually by making me do/say something and then just flat out not reply as some crazy scheme of superiority.

It's a wicked mindgame, ignore it! Move on with your life and be glad she didn't thank you, because a part of you would enjoy feeling like you were nice to her again and in the end, it would slow down the healing progress! Hang in there, man, everything gets better with time.

every time she contacts me she wants some form of validation, usually by making me do/say something and then just flat out not reply as some crazy scheme of superiority.

So true, you start to catch on after awhile and don't give them the satisfaction. In the beginning my ex would contact me, get out of me that I still loved her or whatever than I would not hear from her for awhile until she needed some more reassurance that I still pined for her.

Great job toronto, keep it up!

Plonak!!!!!

Ahhhhhh what are you doing! Well I am not going to say anything about it, you as much as anybody know you screwed up. That message you sent him probably did nothing but make him feel better. He knows he still has an effect on you. But like you said, you told him to move on and he is, so you should be happy for him. How bad does it look on you that you broke up with him and then get mad at him for moving on... not good.

Well i said i wouldn't say anything but it looks like i did. Just couldn't help myself from kickin you in the a$$. ;)


Blahg.. I know.. I apologized and he's OK about it he feels bad that I'm sad, he hates seeing me upset and wouldn't be satisfied to know that I was jealous.. I just need to stop finding stuff out about him.. definitely needs to stop... I mean heck I got a boyfriend after I dumped him and my ex had to see pictures up of us and he was crushed.. so he understands the feeling..

YUCK!!

I have been trying to stay away from my ex,got to the point where I was proud I got rid of anything and everything to do with him him in my life. The other day I was hassled all day by producers from a chat show. My ex called them (goodness knows why) and was doing a show about me. I was told they wanted to pick me up the night.



I think I win the competition for worst ex.

Just an update,

I now have a new girlfriend, I knew her for a few months now, we were close friend but just recently hit it off. We have so much in comon it's great. She's totally the opposite of my ex. When I am with this new girl I didn't think about my ex one bit. Does that mean I am over her?

I broke up with my ex for a bit over 6 months now. For all of you doing NC you will get better and a new chapter will begin. Keep going guys, one day you will meet that special someone when you least expected.

Just an update,

I now have a new girlfriend, I knew her for a few months now, we were close friend but just recently hit it off. We have so much in comon it's great. She's totally the opposite of my ex. When I am with this new girl I didn't think about my ex one bit. Does that mean I am over her?

I broke up with my ex for a bit over 6 months now. For all of you doing NC you will get better and a new chapter will begin. Keep going guys, one day you will meet that special someone when you least expected.

Congrats on the new relatioship, but I think it might be alil too early for you I could be wrong.

Red flags in your post

Now have a new girlfriend, I knew her for a few months now, we were close friend but just recently hit it off. We have so much in comon it's great. She's totally the opposite of my ex??

Why are you comparing your ex to your girlfriend?

When I am with this new girl I didn't think about my ex one bit

What happenes whe nu are not with your girl do you think about your ex??

I hope this relationship works out for you. I really do.

Good Luck

Congrats on the new relatioship, but i think it might be alil too early for you i could be wrong.

Red flags in ure post

now have a new girlfriend, I knew her for a few months now, we were close friend but just recently hit it off. We have so much in comon it's great. She's totally the opposite of my ex???

Why are u comparing ure ex to ure gf??

When I am with this new girl I didn't think about my ex one bit

What happenes whe nu r not with ure girl do u think about ure ex??.

I hope this relationship works out for you. I really do.

Good Luck

Hi Dare,

I am not comparing. I know where my feelings are. I haven't talk to my ex in 6 months. I think it's long enough to move on don't you think? I was with her for a year and a half. I am just saying she's different.

I don't even think about my ex when I am not with my new girl. A few months ago this would be true, I couldn't see anyone without thinking about my ex.

Right now everything seem to be good. I always like this girl but I never made a move since I didn't think I was ready.

Thanks for the advice Dare, how about you? How is NC going?

Hi Dare,

I am not comparing. I know where my feelings are. I haven't talk to my ex in 6 months. I think it's long enough to move on don't you think?. I was with her for a year and a half. I am just saying she's different.

I don't even think about my ex when I am not with my new girl. A few months ago this would be true, I couldn't see anyone without thinking about my ex.

Right now everything seem to be good. I always like this girl but I never made a move since I didn't think I was ready.

Thanks for the advice Dare, how about you? How is NC going?

I guess then you are truly over her.Congrats. Mine is still a roller coaster ride, most days are okay some are still hard, I still think about my ex everyday for 5 or 10 minutes I guess.Mine was a 8 year relationship, so its going to take a while I guess.
I am truly happy for you and I guess I won't be seeing yo o this website anymore.

Good Luck.

Hey toronto,

All the best with this new relationship! I guess we can have our concerns about it, when just a couple weeks ago you were going through a rough patch. I had a lovely rebound, while I was with this new girl I didn't give my ex a second thought, but the feelings for this girl left me as fast as they came to me, and when it was over I just thought about my ex like the rebound had never happened. Not saying this is you, and I really do wish you all the luck, but these things do happen to the best of us.

As for myself I have hit a few rough patches, just about 10 months in now from a 4 year relationship ending. Nothing I am not used to and I know I will get over it soon, just boggles my mind that after this long I can still miss her like I do... However I have come to realize that its not her I really miss, but the idea of her and a relationship. And I think that's true for most of us.

hey toronto,

all the best with this new relationship! I guess we can have our concerns about it, when just a couple weeks ago you were going through a rough patch. I had a lovely rebound, while I was with this new girl I didn't give my ex a second thought, but the feelings for this girl left me as fast as they came to me, and when it was over I just thought about my ex like the rebound had never happened. Not saying this is you, and I really do wish you all the luck, but these things do happen to the best of us.

As for myself I have hit a few rough patches, just about 10 months in now from a 4 year relationship ending. Nothing I am not used to and I know I will get over it soon, just boggles my mind that after this long I can still miss her like I do... However I have come to realize that its not her I really miss, but the idea of her and a relationship. And I think that's true for most of us.

Its good to see that you are doing okay NNG.

Here's my update. Long. Yes. Entertaining? Quite.

hey toronto,

all the best with this new relationship! I guess we can have our concerns about it, when just a couple weeks ago you were going through a rough patch. I had a lovely rebound, while I was with this new girl I didn't give my ex a second thought, but the feelings for this girl left me as fast as they came to me, and when it was over I just thought about my ex like the rebound had never happened. Not saying this is you, and I really do wish you all the luck, but these things do happen to the best of us.

As for myself I have hit a few rough patches, just about 10 months in now from a 4 year relationship ending. Nothing I am not used to and I know I will get over it soon, just boggles my mind that after this long I can still miss her like I do... However I have come to realize that its not her I really miss, but the idea of her and a relationship. And I think that's true for most of us.


It's true that feeling is hard to predict. It may be a rebound. It may be not. Who knows but right now I feel good with the new girl. We'll see what happen. I think by the time this new relationship is over ( I hope not), my feeling for the ex is long gone.

Hmmm my NC number is over a month I think. I'm quite proud of myself :) can't be botherd to count the days. I'm just going along with it now.

It has been a while since I was here. I just want to give you guys an update. I've been with the new girl for over a month now. Everything is great so far. I do miss my ex sometime but I don't feel the pain anymore. I don't know if you can ever forget about the ex. But it doesn't mean that you can't move on.

As for my ex, she is in worse shape than I am. Her new business crumbled. She is depressed and scared and no one to talk to. I didn't talk to her but I got my sources. She left me and thought the grass was greener on the other side but it wasn't. I felt sorry for her though but I know I can't go back with her. It will not be the same.

I am on the other hand moving on pretty well thanks to all the people on here. I listen to your advices and went NC. I work out everyday with my new girl and in the best shape of my life. NC worked for me and only in a short time I was able to move on.

Now that's good news. The best way to make time fly, is to have fun.

Good going Toronto! Keep it up.

My ex is with someone new and it devastated me. I still have not moved on. It has been 9 months since we broke up, I go to counselling and am in NC and have been for awhile, but STILL I die inside everyday.

WHY IS EVERYONE MOVING ON AND I CONCENTRATE ON BEING CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE IN MY LIFE AND AM STILL SO ANGRY AND SO HURT AND IN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL??

Hey guys I'm new this this NC thread. Today is day 8 of NC, still love her, still want to be with her, still thinking of her, still dreaming of her but it has gotten better than day one. I wonder what she's up to I want to call her so bad never been so long away from her there wasn't a day that went by that we didn't talk. Oh by the way she broke up with me because some guy confessed to her and now she's spending more time with him and starting to like him a lot... I've felt like I've been through hell and back and it hurts me so much to see her with him. Known her for 5 years been with her for 2... any advice?

My ex is with someone new and it devastated me. I still have not moved on. It has been 9 months since we broke up, I go to counselling and am in NC and have been for awhile, but STILL I die inside everyday.

WHY IS EVERYONE MOVING ON AND I CONCENTRATE ON BEING CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE IN MY LIFE AND AM STILL SO ANGRY AND SO HURT AND IN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL???

Some people take longer to move on.Some people move on a lot quicker.Be patient and give yourself time.You will eventually get there

hey guys im new this this NC thread. Today is day 8 of NC, still love her, still wanna be with her, still thinking of her, still dreaming of her but it has gotten better than day one. i wonder what she's up to i wanna call her so bad never been so long away from her there wasnt a day that went by that we didnt talk. oh by the way she broke up with me because some guy confessed to her and now she's spending more time with him and starting to like him alot.... i've felt like i've been thru hell and back and it hurts me so much to see her with him. known her for 5 years been with her for 2... any advice?

It is going to hurt like anything for the next couple of months, make sure you keep yourself busy.Workout,Keep yourself distracted.Eventually you wlll move on and find someone wonderful.Again the key is keeping yourself busy

My ex is with someone new and it devastated me. I still have not moved on. It has been 9 months since we broke up, I go to counseling and am in NC and have been for awhile, but STILL I die inside everyday.

Maybe you haven't moved on completely, but you have moved on. I suspect that hearing the news of your b/f finding someone else has aroused some old feelings again. Normal for us humans, but this storm will pass. You already know there are no quick fixes and it takes time.

You must remember what your healing from, and how long you have been dealing with this issue, so you've only been out of each others life since February, and that's not long at all. Stay on your path, make one small step at a time.

Hey guys. It has almost been a year of NC for me. It is hard initially but it feels good. Hang in there one day at a time.

f104: That's awesome.

About a month and a half, here.

So, when is it that you finally let go and stop wanting things you can't have/that are no good for you ;)?

f104: That's awesome.

About a month and a half, here.

So, when is it that you finally let go and stop wanting things you can't have/that are no good for you ;)?

It seems to be an ongoing process. I still think about her, but no more than any of my other exes. She is now just another past relationship. I do not hate her and sometimes I think "what if?" Usually though I am thankful that the relationship is over. Over the course of time I have found it is easier to assess the good and bad points of the relationship.

Each day that goes by seems to mean a little more freedom. You will make it through this. Just take it one day at a time. This board and especially the people on this thread are lifesavers in my opinion.

Funny, but I found this board about 2 weeks before she dumped me. I immediately saved it in my bookmarks and never told her about it. I think that often our subconscience is more aware of the state of the relationship than we may be ready to admit.

I really wish I should have seen this forum before doing all the BIG frekin mess I did when my ex broke up with me over the phone after more than a year together . When he broke up with me I was OK the first week, after that I started tripping out BAD, I was so hurt , I lost total control of my feelings, I sent him HATE texts every weekend for over 4 months, telling him exactly how I felt, and what I thought about him, I disrespected him horribly, I told him that I felt like he never loved me, that everything was a lie all the " I love you" all the "I'll keep you forever" and "I will never hurt you" , I told him that he was a fake for telling me all that, I told him that I hated him, that he was a jerk, and that he was a player because he played with my feeling throughout the whole relationship. I was emotionally destroyed by the break up, I was a wreck.


OMG, I was horrible and mean, and every time I sent him a hate text I would cry like a baby after, I was in so much anger and pain. But I kept doing and doing it, hurting myself even more, without thinking that I was hurting him too by telling him all that, he was very respectful through out the whole texting, he never said a bad word to me, and ke kept saying that he loved me and that he always will, for some reason that made me even madder and more upset, because I thought that he was still lying to me.

Maybe he wasn't lying, but I just couldn't understand whey he kept saying that to me and didn't want to be with me, I know you can't force someone into being with you, but why do he kept saying that he loved me ? He said that he loved me very much but it wasn't the right time to be together, that he had to concentrate on school, not on me. I always supported him on his studies, I loved that he studied and wanted to be successful and I loved sharing that with him, while I was In school to. He broke up with me so out of the blue. I regret so much sending him all those messages, when at the same time I wanted to be with him again so bad, but I knew I couldn't work anymore, the damage was already done, He hurt me by breaking up with me and I hurt him by losing control over my feelings with all those hate texts.

I'ts been a month since I stop all that, but I sometimes still beat myself up by thinking " I should have been stronger", " I should have respected him and his decision" , " I should have le go of my pain some other way". Now I know is all lost, and It all ended up so dramatic, but I have to deal with it and move on, I just want to stop beating myself up for that.

My ex is with someone new and it devastated me. I still have not moved on. It has been 9 months since we broke up, I go to counselling and am in NC and have been for awhile, but STILL I die inside everyday.

WHY IS EVERYONE MOVING ON AND I CONCENTRATE ON BEING CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE IN MY LIFE AND AM STILL SO ANGRY AND SO HURT AND IN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL???

I Understand what you going through. After 5 months I still feel pain.

My ex is with someone new and it devastated me. I still have not moved on. It has been 9 months since we broke up, I go to counselling and am in NC and have been for awhile, but STILL I die inside everyday.

WHY IS EVERYONE MOVING ON AND I CONCENTRATE ON BEING CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE IN MY LIFE AND AM STILL SO ANGRY AND SO HURT AND IN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL???

How long have you been in NC?

It's been 5 months since he broke up with me, I haven't seen him since then, how come I still think about him so much and miss him everyday?

It's been 5 months since he broke up with me, I havent seen him since then, how come I still think about him so much and miss him everyday?
How long were you two togather for?

How long were you two togather for?

Almost two years

I really wish I should have seen this forum before doing all the BIG frekin mess I did when my ex broke up with me over the phone after more than a year together . When he broke up with me I was ok the first week, after that I started tripping out BAD, I was so hurt , I lost total control of my feelings, I sent him HATE texts every weekend for over 4 months, telling him exactly how I felt, and what I thought about him, I disrespected him horribly, I told him that I felt like he never loved me, that everything was a lie all the " I love you" all the "I'll keep you forever" and "I will never hurt you" , I told him that he was a fake for telling me all that, I told him that I hated him, that he was a jerk, and that he was a player because he played with my feeling throughout the whole relationship. I was emotionally destroyed by the break up, I was a wreck.


OMG, I was horrible and mean, and everytime I sent him a hate text I would cry like a baby after, I was in so much anger and pain. But I kept doing and doing it, hurting myself even more, without thinking that I was hurting him too by telling him all that, he was very respectful through out the whole texting, he never said a bad word to me, and ke kept saying that he loved me and that he always will, for some reason that made me even madder and more upset, because I thought that he was still lying to me.

Maybe he wasnt lying, but I just couldnt understand whey he kept saying that to me and didn't want to be with me, I know you can't force someone into being with you, but why do he kept saying that he loved me ? He said that he loved me very much but it wasn't the right time to be together, that he had to concentrate on school, not on me. I alway supported him on his studies, I loved that he studied and wanted to be succesful and I loved sharing that with him, while I was In school to. He broke up with me so out of the blue. I regret so much sending him all those messages, when at the same time I wanted to be with him again so bad, but I knew I couldn't work anymore, the damage was already done, He hurt me by breaking up with me and I hurt him by losing control over my feelings with all those hate texts.

I'ts been a month since I stop all that, but I sometimes still beat myself up by thinking " I should have been stronger", " I should have respected him and his decision" , " I should have le go of my pain some other way". Now I know is all lost, and It all ended up so dramatic, but I have to deal with it and move on, I just want to stop beating myself up for that.

Should I tell him I am sorry for what I did, for what I told him and for not leaving him alone for such a long time? I don't want things to ens like between us, sometimes I just can't sleep thinking on how mean I was to him, I was very hurt when I told him all of these things but I regret it so bad, maybe he doesn't care about it at all but I feel horrible for everything that I told him . Please someone tell me what to do. I really need some advice, I am desperate , don't know what to do. :confused::confused:

Stick with No Contact, and deal with your feelings in a positive way for yourself. The best thing you can do for you is realize your mistakes and don't repeat them, but for now the healing has to go through its process. You can make amends after that.

You can make amends after that.


Does this means that after I'm heal it's OK to contact him and tell him that I'm sorry? If I am going to that I want to do it for myself, so I can stop thinking about that.

Should I tell him I am sorry for what I did, for what I told him and for not leaving him alone for such a long time? I don't want things to ens like between us, sometimes I just can't sleep thinking on how mean I was to him, I was very hurt when I told him all of these things but I regret it so bad, maybe he doesn't care about it at all but I feel horrible for everything that I told him . Please someone tell me what to do. I really need some advice, I am desperate , don't know what to do. :confused::confused:

Leave him alone.There is no need to apologize right now.You also need to relaize that this relationship is over, and you really need to move on.Find something to do, workout jog, walk anything.In time you will feel a lot better

In by the way if you post your question here you will probably get a lot more advice then on this thread.

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)

Leave him alone.There is no need to apologize right now.You also need to relaize that this relationship is over, and you really need to move on.Find something to do, workout jog, walk anything.In time you will feel a lot better


The funny thin is that I do all of that to keep my mind busy and somehow his memory haunts me. I do want to feel better, thank you.

You will eventually, it takes time, be patient with yourself.

Your dead on Dare, about being patient, and starting her own thread.

Goodness, I haven't been here in AGES...

Well, need I say more about my relationship? Ummmm... I made an update here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-48.html

Pretty much, I made amends with my ex (after over a year and a half)... and we caught up on each others' lives, and we hoped to see one another sometime in the future.

To everyone having a rough time, keep your head up. Things do get better... eventually.

Listen to tal, even he kicks your butt.

I know I'll get a kick in the a** from you guys, but Today I broke NC, he called me and I answered, he wanted to wish me happy birthday we kind of catched up on what we've been doing, really quick call, I have to say it was nice to talk to him for a little while, we were both very calm, and cool during the call, we even shared a couple of laughs, to finish the chat I just said '.. well.. thank you for calling, take care' that was it. For some reason I felt better after talking with him, I won't break NC again though, I don't want to know too much about him, that makes me miss him even more, I don't want that. NC and you guys have helped me clean my mind from a lot of junk. I am no angry at him anymore, just sad and still miss him. I guess I'm now back to day one from NC.

You will fell better for a little while and then you will feel like shi-.Its kind of like drugs.You feel good for a little while and then you want more.Keep on doing NC, that includes no phone calls, no face book no nothing.I know its hard but you have to keep at it

Dare,
I know I shouldn't have, I really thought he wasn't going to call after everything that I told him. I don't want to feel like sh**, today is a good day. I don't want to know a thing a about him anymore, I really don't. It's hard to stick to NC, but I know I can do it, I know that the least I know about him the better. Like KC said to me, "he is dead to You" , To the point, he's not part of my lfe anymore and I don't want him to be, maybe when I'm totally healed and that will take a while.

I just read your thread ! You did such an awesome jut by keeping NC after just a couple months from your break up, you are a champ! Was she just first love? I was with my ex just for almost 2 years and I didn't do NC till 5 months after the break up, what a dummy I was, I wish I had been as strong as you were. I think I would have dealt with it much better If I had vent through here instead of venting with him, but hey.. what's done is done, rite?

Hello all,


I am glad you guys are doing well and stick to NC. I broke up with my ex a bit over a year now. Boy time fly. I recently found out she broke up with me for another guy which I had a feeling that was the cause at the time but wasn't sure. I guess this is closure for me. Six months after the breakup I found a new girlfriend whom I am still with currently.


Just hang in there, things will get better. Focus on your new life and get out there. Workout and hang out friends help a lot. One day all the why why why will be crystal clear.

Good to hear from you toronto.Hope everything is all right with you

Hi everyone, haven't been on for a while, was travelling during the summer - went to Africa, and I have gone back to university now, so my apologies for not being on here as much as I'd have liked. I would just like to share my experiences since its coming up to a year since my ex broke up with me and left me for someone else.

I have tried to improve myself in this year.. I can safely say that goal has been accomplished through hard work at the gym and travelling. My most recent trip to Africa was amazing.. I volunteered and taught African Children, the feeling of appreciation and love is overwhelming. You get a sense of what is important in life... and for me personally, giving back has what has helped in my recovery.

Recently I saw a picture of my ex.. I hadn't even seen her face or anything for 10 months... and she was looking real good. Sure it felt weird when I saw it.. but there was no real attachment any more, all I saw was a person who used to be in my life.. I smiled..

Life is just too short to dwell on some of the things we dwell on.. there is really so much out there to see and do in the world, important issues to deal with and SO MANY more people to see..
Hang in there everyone... I'm so glad to be back in this forum - the place that helped me get over my heartbreak.
To those of you who are suffering - The fight is worth it in the end.

Thank you everyone!

Its had been 4 months of full NC, and guess what - my Ex contacted me via a messenger, with some silly excuse. Naturally he got no response, but they always do that, don't they? Just when you're doing great, they try to sneak their way back in.

Wow, this thread is so quiet, I guess you are all doing well. How are you Northern Guy, Dare. I just got out of another relationship two months ago. I did the breakup. Let me tell you, it sux being a dumper too. Did the NC for two months now but still think about her. I guess thing will get better eventually.

Sup hung, I am doing all right man,about to get engaged..

Congratulation Dare, all the best to you. I hope u're not engage to the same girl lol.

LOL No.

Im on day 16 of NC. Read my thread to understand my situation. I still think I'm holding out false hope that she will come back after the "break." I feel that the NC cannot truly heal me until I accept the fact that she isn't coming back. Any suggestions to help me realize that its over for good?

First day of NC, itz extremely difficult.. but breaking it iz just stupidity. :)