My Husband and I have been having threesomes for about 6 years and we love them, but we feel abnormal and want to stop. We think that we our not following God's way. We have tried before to stop, but we always go back to it. When it's just me and my husband it's boring and I am not as horny and if he's lucky we'll have sex twice a month. He would prefer if it was just him and I having sex 3 times a week rather than having threesomes with girls. I initiate it and he doesn't want to do it at all. I really want to stop but I don't know how?? :confused:

If you no that it's not God's way than prayer on it and ask God to guide you the right way. The bible does say woman summit to your husbands. That doesn't mean be a door mat either.

Angelina, you said you and your husband love threesomes but later you say he doesn't want to at all. What happened recently to cause him to change? Are the threesomes always with another girl or sometimes another man? It sounds like you are more into them than he is.
I can understand this is something that is extremely sensual and has appealed to you for six years. After that much time, it's hard to reprogram how we think and respond. Just like men who get addicted to porn, it takes time to relearn how to respond to a real woman. You will have to reprogram your thoughts and desires toward him instead of others.
You do have something positive going for you and that is your husband. It appears that he wants a closer more intimate relationship with you and only you. Concentrate on him and how fortunate you are to be so loved. While most men would love to have multiple partners with his wife's blessing, he wants to be committed to you and feel you are committed to him. That's the way God designed marriage. Once you're fully committed to each other only, the guilt will be gone. Also, find a good church and surround yourselves with people who are in monogamos marriages.

Yes it is me who wants it not him. I'm the one who wanted it. He never asked nor asks for it, but like most men if he sees that I brought home a woman for us he will not say no. However, he doesn't initiate it. The threesomes are only with women. My husband only wants me he says he does not need another woman. I fulfill all his desires.

You are a very lucky woman. I'm sure he likewise wants to be the one who fulfills all your desires. Your husband may feel insecure in your commitment to him. Were you bisexual before you married your husband or was this a fantasy that once played out became a habit?

Are you sexually interested in your husband?

If you don't want to do it anymore, you JUST STOP.

Period.

Then you focus on your husband and make HIM the center of your fantasies.

If that isn't working, you will need to see a counselor.

First don't even start with the God bull. If you had a real faith and really wanted to follow God there is no way you would get back into bed with a threesome, sorry, you are doing what you want, and willl not stop till you get ready to do it.

Next it is a habit now, and it may take some months ifyou can ever get things back to normal, many sexual perversions ruin a normal relationship.

If it is because you feel God doesn't approve then follow the saying Draw closer to God and he will draw closer to you. A family that prays together stays together. You are weak in your flesh desires and it is normal to have a hard time breaking old habits. So you need to work toward your goal and resist temptation. Figure out ways to make it more interesting with your husband. Get counseling to help stop. Maybe even a Priest/Pastor that is good at marriage counselling.

I'm not 100% sure this is a genuine post...

... but if so, refocus on your husband. And remember what made you excited to marry him.

If you no that it's not God's way than prayer on it and ask God to guide you the right way. The bible does say woman summit to your husbands. That doesn't mean be a door mat either.

Oh dear.

I concur, drop the god rubbish and stop trying to look towards religion to justify/not justify your want for threesomes-to me your man is VERY understanding-he is doing something that he says he does not want to do. That should be reason enough to stop.

If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure that there would be an outrage that you as a woman were forced to partake in threesomes against your will...

Just stop it.

It's not easy to stop any habit or established pattern of behavior. It can be done, but it takes converting what is automatic and/or easy to do. It's hard to shift into a different way of doing things, even when you know the benefits of the change are many. So it's understandable even on that level, why it's hard for you to stop. Threesomes have worked for you for a long time in whatever way they have & been enjoyable. Trying to stop hasn't worked so well for a variety of reasons such as not having to develop intimacy skills sexually with just each other in the way that could have been done if you hadn't gotten sidetracked. If you guys have been doing this for 6 yrs, then it's easy to understand why shifting gears to one on one sex is an issue.

If you only had 24 hrs left with this man who has loved you that much, that long, & would only be able to cherish him emotionally, physically, heart to heart, soul to soul, one last time, would the sex be boring as you REALLY looked at each other eye to eye into the deepest depth of all you are & will be, feeling each other's heartbeat, hearing each breath you each take as you hold hands & feel every pore of each loving you at the same time you love back? You never know how much time we have.

Treat each other as if you only have this one day to make love to each other, with & without your clothes on, minute by minute as best you each can & it wouldn't be boring at all but an extremely rewarding exercise in learning how to truly love & be loved by each other, & ONLY each other at that.

Learn to appreciate what you two uniquely have & are together, stop having 3some sex at all & have fun making love to only each other. That's not boring at all but instead an adventure of passion that is never ending. Having a 3rd person there has contributed to a sexual laziness with each other which is why it's understandable one on one sex seems boring. Really making love to someone that is unique & irreplaceable in your life that loves you equally as you love them? That's not boring! Make that shift & it will all fall in place in for much easier.

There are tons of great materials that can help, just Google passion marriage to find some. Do something different for just you two sexually that will be a better bonding experience such as exploring tantric sex techniques for example.

The more you think the sex is boring, the longer it will stay that way. That's just trying to find a justification for continuing doing something you want to stop.

It's a habit. Habits take willpower to break. And yes its hard to stick to it in the beginning but over time that does get easier until you never give it a second thought.

If you really want to stop... do it cold turkey... then stick to it.

A lot of ink has been spent on this post. I am going to have to reserve a further call on its veracity. Perhaps so. Will stand by...

The other posts by the OP do not seem troll-like.

How about we treat it as if it were a real problem and help the OP instead of doubting for now? I am keeping an eye on this thread and prefer that we at AMHD behave well and give great advice than cast doubt on what could actually be an honest question.

Yep. Sounds good. Just a conditioned incredulity perhaps.

Sure there will be further salient insights from all as required.

Yes I am real and yes this is a real problem that I have. I have been bisexual for quite a long time and I love my husband. It's just that things have gotten boring. When he says lets go out dancing I will reply just us how boring and he gets hurt and thinks I need girls to have fun and cannot have fun with only him. He wants to go out tomorrow night and I have been trying my hardest not to call girls and invite them. It's like a little voice says call them and then I have the other voice saying don't call them (like a movie the little devil and the little angel). It's really hard, but I'm trying.

Yes he is really good in Bed. He gives me orgasm after orgasm. The reason I love having threesomes with him is because I enjoy watching him have sex with another woman. Seeing his reaction while He "does" her makes me really excited. I know it's weird... I used to be very very jealous but now it's turned into me enjoying him "do" another woman. I'm not sure when this changed. I just know the threesome thing NEEDS to STOP before it ruins us.

Well bisexuality is more than a fling and perhaps why this is more than just a passing issue. You can't control your sexuality. Did he know this going into your partnership?
A few personal questions:

1. What was your childhood like? Violent? Calm? One parent? Two? Trust in both parents? Relatives?
2. What is your relationship with your parents now?
3. Had u explored your sexuality prior to this relationship?
4. do you feel depressed in your daily life?

I'll clarify more about the reasons for all these questions later. I have worked through this with a few people on here, and sometimes need to start with the basics.

I have 2 loving parents. My childhood was wonderful. No abuse from my parents. I have parents that have and are always there for me. I was abused by a guy bully in my school when I was young (he liked me and thought it was cool to punch me and beat me up after school until one day I grew some balls and had him expelled from the school). Before I met my husband I was in an abusive relationship with my ex and almost got raped by his dad. Yes I explored my sexuality before I met my husband. Depressed, hmmm sometimes. I had a therapist and went to psych ward but found myself more depressed even though I was on meds. So one day I decided enough is enough and it was time to change my mood. Just like one day I decided to leave my abusive relationship. I guess all these people are right if you want something go and get it. It's all up to me. I'm the one who stopped getting bullied when I was a little girl, I'm the one who left the abusive relationship, I'm the one who ran when my ex's dad tried undressing me, I'm the one who stopped thinking of suicide as an answer. So now I'm the one who has to put a stop to this threesome thing. And yes I do believe in God, he was one of few that were there for me when I needed it most. I prayed and prayed. It's been a long time since I prayed, don't know why, but I hope he's still there for me.

See, it's good that you are taking a good look at your personal history & acknowledging the strength you have to make things different for yourself.

Wanting to make a signifant change is challenging, the more resources you can use to help you do that the better a lot of times, such as this site or God. Recognizing the need for change is a giant first step in the right direction. I commend you for being able to do that.

To stop will not be easy or automatic but it is doable & you know you have a lot of experience in saying this needs to stop & making that happen. All you need to do is to commit to taking it one step at a time & putting into place the things you need for the best odds of success. The thought of it being something you want to do will not disappear over night, but your commitment to stop being put into action can get you through those times if you stick to your guns.

I'd be glad to help any way I can, so you're welcome to contact me anytime (no charge). I do have a ton of great relationship articles & exercises including Christian sources I'd be happy to send you guys.

Hang in there!

PS: Here is a list of books that might help & be a good starting place:

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Gary Chapman)

The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships (Gary Chapman)

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (Harville Hendrix)

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (John Gottman)

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship (John Gottman)

The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, & How You Can Make It Last Forever (Dr. Patricia Love)

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (David Schnarch)

7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever: Rita M. DeMaria, Sari Harrar

The Marriage Benefit: The Surprising Rewards of Staying Together (Mark O'Connell)

The 10 Second Kiss (Ellen Kreidman)

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It (Steven Stosny)

If you don't want to do it anymore just say it... end of story! I do understand why the divine is mentioned in many posts as he is a major support but ultimately it boils down to you and whether you truly want the support and change your current situation. If your partner does not want to stop; he simply won't. If he loves you he will respect your decision and support you. You can't move on in life like this it will hurt you and your relationship down the road, this is not constructive for your relationship or yourself esteem as someone previously posted "your not a door mat" so give yourself some respect. Let us know how it goes, best of luck!

Based on what you have said: bisexual interest, abuse by trusted figures and chronic depression and thoughts of suicide I'd say:
1. You have proven you are strong.
2. You are conflicted
3. The feelings you have are only going to make your depression worse

Chronic depression is a lifelong battle and it brings things WITH it (like your current situation) that are short "fixes" to feel a rush of good feelings and excitement... then comes the crash. I think a therapist could help you get over the finish line and then find longer term happiness since you are planning to stop and find a way to stay content with a little less... excitement.

Okay all, some comic relief.

My suggestion, the next time you bring a women home for you and your husband to enjoy, instead of having sex, have a prayer session instead. You're the one that brought God into this, so that's my advice.

Really though, you have a problem, an obvious sexual obsession, it's time to get counselling or risk losing your marriage.

Good luck.

I would think probably you and your husband need to find many interests in life... maybe you are too focused on sex? You kind of sound like lost souls to me... in the hell of sexual predators.

Work, sports, hobbies, intellectual interests, serving others... live your life outside of your house doing stuff unrelated to sex. That is my opinion. I think you will need support to turn around your lives, though.

Best wishes going forward,

I think the confusion here is that you have a desire and feel an act to satisfy it, and don't know what to do. That's your dilemma. The issue is that thinking about something is a fantasy but acting on it is another thing entirely. For example... Wanting to kill your boss is a thought that can pop into anyone's head-but actually doing it-to say the least-has entirely different consequences.and your depression and identity issues are making this tougher to decide and see consequences. I could say "just stop" but you know its not that easy so it takes work to understand self destructive behavior. And again a qucik fix is less likely than the benefit of an understanding therapist.