I stupidly entered a same sex and secret relationship with someone 2 and a half years ago. We moved in together, travelled overseas together but the whole time we used to cry at the thought of breaking up. But we always knew it was going to happen as we both weren't ready to come out as a couple and we both wanted family and children. It was always going to end in tears but I never knew how much... I left her at a london airport 10 months ago. We held each other and cried for an hour because we knew this would probably be the end. 5 weeks later I get a phone call to say that she had met up with her ex over there and he asked her to go travel with him and that she was going to give it a go with him... she said if she couild have spent the rest of her life with me she would have, but couldn't live a lie anymore. She has recently been back to australia and she stayed with me. We held each other all night, told each other how much we loved each other and it was so unfair that we couldn't be together. The next day, just like in london, I had to put her on a plane and send her back to him. I was crushed... we have kept in contact via email. She says she thinks about me every single day. I can't get over her. Do I try the non contact? Do I stay in touch with her? I don't know the best way to handle this, I'm just not getting over her at all.. I can't move on... what do I do? Do I fight for her?? This is the only thing I can think of in my life worth fighting for.. if its not... I want to move on with my life... please help...

This can be a fond memory of love experienced, treasured and cuddled in your heart forever... or it can be a festering ball of unfinished business. It's truly in your control as to how this affects your life.

Life isn't fair or unfair. It is just experienced. You get out of it what you will... or you don't. People miss a lot in their current life wallowing in the "what ifs" of yesterday.

You have loved each other, and you have moved on. You moved on for good reasons, all of which you seem to be able to state clearly. Now ENJOY your memories of one another. You don't need that love to continue forever to be happy, you just need to be fair to yourself about the role of those memories.

You can be fine, you can love again and have a family and children and the whole can of worms... AND fond memories of your one true girlfriend. None of that would be fake. But you have to be comfortable again in your present, and pleased with your fondly remembered/treasured past.

You do need to get your own life, but the only way that happens is to cut the contact, and stop allowing your friend to cheat with you. Yes she is cheating, and your helping her do it.

Cut the contact, and disappear from her life, and focus on your own happiness.

For your own peace of mind have no contact. That will give you time to heal and move on. Most of us have treasured memories of a special ex. Your time with her is now part of who you are.

Move on, get out more to distract yourself, and don't get in touch with your ex anymore. She is obviously trying to get on with her life, so get going with yours. You're only giving yourself additional pain by prolonging this when its clearly over - especiallly for her. I know that there was love between you too but you have to move past all that so that both of you can get the normal life you broke up with each other for.

She's obviously not willing to make this work? How many serious chats do you need to have.

It really does hurt to loose someone and all the sh*t that comes with it and how it makes you feel. At the end of the day as the others have said above let this one go, go no contact and try stay busy.

To go NC is for your own well being or you will be stuck in a revolving mess! Not good. You might want to say a final goodbye and tell her why you are going NC its up to you but do it as soon as possible so you can start to heal and let go.

I am not sure of your sexual orientation?

Bi?
Gay?
Straight?

You can only be who you are... of course, no one can happily live a lie.

The first thing you need to do is changed your way of thinking. Use positive words instead of negative. I can move on instead of I can't move on. I deserve to be first in someone life instead of second. I don't need her in my life, I deserve better. Also, stop having contact with her and things will go smoother. Don't allow yourself to be put in this situtation again.

FIGHT FOR HER! Whatever that means to you, do it. You will regret the things you did NOT do, more than the thing you DID do. With that in mind, go for what you want, but I would approach the situation after you relaxed and thought everything out. Only you know how long that truly is... Depending on the circumstances, most people can usually clear their head, and make a rational choice within a couple of weeks. Don't be impulsive, and don't wait forever either...