Yes, I am in love with a married man. What to do. We have been friends since 13 and intimate since 16. We have always stayed in contact but for a while we have been out of touch.. he got married and I have a boyfriend. We both have been dealing with these people for about 11 years. He loves me and want s to be with me I love him and want to be with him. He is going through all these issuse with telling his wife he cheated but yet she is still hanging around and I am all for there marriage working out don't get me wrong, but why stay where you really don't want to be.. He told me he is trying to stay around for the kids, and I said that awesome but I also told him that he can still be in his kids life if they were to part. Now me my relationship is rocky and me and my friend who is married has been spending a lot of time together and reuniting and getting close to how we used to be. Now also note that his wife was living in another state for about 6months, she finally moved back here to where we are but we still go out on our partners to see each other. What do you suggest we do. If you need more details or have questions to help better understand please don't hesitate to ask me. I need your help. :confused:

You stated you don't to interfere with their marriage, then don't. He could be lying to you about not wanting to stay marry. Regardless of what he tells you, he's still married. I'll say stay away from him and you find someone for you or work on your relationship because that's means you cheating on your boyfriend and all relationships have it ups and downs. You work through it and if you can't, leave.

Good advice liz! I to think that you should forget about him and try and work at your own relationship as liz said how do you know he's not lying about wanting to part with his wife? And even if there was a chance of you both getting together how do you know you both won't stray? If you've both cheated with each other then you can do it again

Leave him alone. If everything you said was true, and as familiar as the two of you are, at best you are a distraction form his problems and at worse your helping him break up his marriage. For sure you both are cheating on your others, instead of ending things with them, and being together. That would be what you want isn't it?


she is still hanging around
They are married with kids. DUHHHHHH!


I am all for there marriage working out don't get me wrong,
No, your not! Lets be real, your actions speak louder than words and since you haven't backed off, you don't give a rats Patoot about his family, nor your b/f, you want what you want, so be honest and save the hogwash for the pigs.


why stay where you really don't want to be..
That's a good question for all four adults in this case, and I would love to hear an honest answer, especially from you.

Why are you staying with a rocky relationship when Mr Perfect is there for the taking????

I hate to be harsh, but I advise you to be honest with yourself ,and examine your motives, and actions, as your doing the same thing his wife is doing according to you. Staying where you don't want to be.

Please read posts by other cheaters with married guys and see if you don't recognize the excuses you give, as only the names change, but the game is the same.

Yes we both cheated on our partners, the reason being is because me and him have been trying to be with each since teenagers, our love is ridiculous, honestly speaking, I mean he wants to spend so much time together I know he wants to leave his wife because of our long relationship/friendship we tell each other everything and have no secrets between us. I personally know I won't stray on him because that's who I want and I feel the same would be done in return on his behalf. I am just stucj=k in this web well we are atuck in this web. What else could you guys suggest. I appreciate your opinion and yes I have thought about it and actually tried to leave him alone all together but the love me and him have is unbreakable whether if we are together or not. An I also told him that I will be his friend regardless and I don't want him to leave his wife on account of me but I also told him that if he is not happy than your not happy whether me and him get together or not. So what other advice do you have for me.

Being in a rocky relationship is no excuse to cheat. Leave why don't you???

My b/f and are are in the process of breaking up. He is packing his things up. I didn't mention this earlier because I wanted to see the responses I would get and I got the one I expected to get. You all are not getting the big picture here. It's easy to say leave him alone and work it out with your b/f and blah blah blah. It's easier said than done. Now I shall see responses about well I been in that situation and I left and blah blah blah. So no knowing that me and my b/f are breaking up and have broken up but he is still moving his things out.. what do you say now. I have left him, because I know staying with him wasn't working anymore, I was tired of all the arguing and disagreements so...

You don't need to be friends with him. If you had this so called relations with him since your teenage years and your feelings for each other is so strong, then your should be married but your not. Get him out of your life and what about your boyfriend? If you didn't want to be with him you should have left him instead of cheating. Stop being this married guy mistress.

The only honorable thing to do is for you to go to his wife and ask if you can have him. He CHOSE her, married her, so regardless of your history with him or your understanding of his feelings, he married her. That's a life choice.

You are SO failing the test of character, but that's really irrelevant. As a single person you actually are pretty free to do what you want.

On the other hand, HE is married. He is failing in a way that is much bigger than you're allowing yourself to face. He has a wife, kids, a family... he has the results of some pretty significant life decisions.

You're screwing with that, LITERALLY. It matters not how you rationalize it... for the sake of YOUR desire to be with him, you're sucking the life out of his marriage. He is supposed to face things like "loving someone else" (which is a natural occurrence) and win over it once he gets married. He supposed to face temptations like you and KEEP choosing his family over you.

He's failing. You're making sure of it.

Life isn't about falling in love and claiming it come hell or high water. Life is about making other people's lives better and being better yourself as a result. You're not even close.

Grow up. Put your libido away. You can live your life without taking everything you want away from others. You love this man, but he's NOT available, so ignore those feelings, do it, cut it out. Stop taking this woman's man from her. YOU stop it.

If you two have been trying to be together since you were teenagers then why in the heck did he get married and have kids? If your hearts were truly the same since teenagers don't you think you'd still be together?

Let me get you in on a little secret: Most married men that say they will leave their wives never do. I have learned that little fact from this website. You should read various posts like yours. There are a TON.

We were not married to answer your question because like I previously said we were separated and he moved states away and we weren't in contact like we were so when we found each other again he was married and I was with someone.

Even though you and your boyfriend are breaking up, you still should leave the marry guy alone. What happens if the wife find out and attack you, because some people put the blame on the other person ins instead of their spouse.

So let me ask you this liz28, I should leave him alone all together not even a friend either. It's hard to let go of all those years and feelings. How do you propse I gradually let him go?

It's your life so therefore, you do what you want. If you in love with him and unable to control yourself around him, then it would be best to cut contact, at least until you control yourself.

You mean you can't wait until the ink is dry on his divorce?? Oh that's right, he is staying for the kids. Liz is right, that's the number one reason for staying with the wife, and keeping a mistress. Read the posts here of females with your situation.

The good news, he can visit whenever he gets a chance. The bad news is, he has to ask his wife.

If there had been true love there to begin with, distance would have made it stronger instead of allowing him to marry & have children with someone else. You can deny that all you want because it is an inconvenient fact, but it doesn't change the truth.

Here are some other facts to consider:

Surprising Facts about Marriage, Affairs & Divorce (http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,80d8,00.html)

Excerpted from
SEXUAL DETOURS

In her book, Dr. Holly Hein explores infidelity and teaches how to cope with its aftermath. By understanding the motivations behind the affair, betrayed spouses can learn to heal and rebuild their relationships.

80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.

Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.

If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but is twice as likely to fracture.

Cheating Myths--Relationship Advice from Tracey Cox at iVillage.com (http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,traceycox_cw1sx7k7-2,00.html)

It's also a myth that it's men who try to turn friendships into affairs. Most unfaithful men see affairs as high opportunity and low involvement. On the contrary, it tends to be women who push platonic relationships from friendship to love and fantasy to reality, according to psychologists. Women get more emotionally involved and are keen to test out friendships to determine if they'd make for better relationships than their current situations. So she's often seeking a potential soul mate; he's just having fun.

Lie Busters - Infidelity Cheating Affair Facts! (http://www.liebusters.com/Misc/Facts/Infidelity.htm)

Fewer than 10% of people having affairs divorce their spouse and marry their lover (of which 75% of these marriages end in divorce).

infidelity.html (http://www.smartmarriages.com/infidelity.html)

Expert Advice from Shirley Glass, PhD from her keynote speech
At the Smart Marriages conference.

The conventional wisdom is that the person having an affair isn't "getting enough" at home.
The truth is, the person isn't giving enough.

The major attraction in an affair is NOT the love partner but the positive mirroring of the self -- "the way I look when I see myself in the other person's eyes."

People often try to justify an affair by rewriting the marital history. They'll say, "I never really loved you."

Hey betrayalbtcamp!

I loved you post! Great advice! Correct me if I'm wrong but were your betrayed?

We have a relationship coaching site. Since affairs are an epidemic, many couples struggle with the cheating fallout & we will focus on that aspect a lot. But the real point is not just to survive in a relationship but to be able to thrive in it.

Betrayals always fracture if not destroy a relationship. But not all betrayals involve infidelity of any sort, benign neglect of a relationship can be a betrayal too that drives the partners apart even though the damage is different in some significant from having to deal with the betrayal chaos an affair brings into the mix. Like workoholism, spending too much time on any activity that takes away significantly from enhancing the relationship on a consistent basis type things.

Any betrayal is going to have a disconnection from the partner / relationship at it's core.

LM, it is very possible that the connection you & your affair partner have had has tainted the relationships you have been in by an unfair comparison to the affair fantasy you have going with him & by being less committed to making your primary relationship work, consciously or not. I think you should give some serious & honest thought on how having him in the background all this time has affected the relationship choices you have made & the way you have treated your primary partner & that union.

If you put as much effort into improving the relationship you have with someone that is not already married as you have into trying to get the married man to finally pick you, you might find it to be a lot more rewarding & eliminate the need to cling to attention from someone that has demonstrated a capacity to be disloyal, unfaithful & a liar to his primary partner. What is so attractive about that that you can't wait to be in her shoes? If he had thought you were that special, he would never have let you get away when you both had the chance to have what she has with him. Why would you consider it flattering that he's willing to cheat with you when you should be insulted he thinks so little of you that he's disrespected your primary relationship & wants you to be a sideline treat now?

I honestly and truly want to thank everyone who responded to my post even the ones who got a little nasty.. haha. But seriously I have been given a lot of good advice and information. I will take all in consideration and collect my thoughts and do the right thing for myself. If its meant to be it will be right. Thanks everyone

I have read the posts on this thread and I don't believe anyone got nasty with you. You asked for advice so therefore you're going to get it, whether you like what they wrote or not.

Most people do believe that it's wrong to toy around with a married man/woman. Do you expect everyone on this website to tell you to go for it and forget about his wife and kids? NO! It's morally wrong.

I guess the only reason you thought some posts was nasty because it spoke the truth and some people run away from that. People can only give you their opinon because the choice is still yours because it's your life.

If someone sees another human being rushing as fast as they can over the edge of a perilous cliff & they stop a moment to ask "What should I do?", it's only concern that makes the answer be "STOP! You are heading toward a disasterous fall which could cause you even more damage (some may be permanent & certainly irreversible), than that which is making you think right now that fall will be a good thing for you!".

You want nasty, read some of the comments to others in your situation.