Oh I don't know what to do! My 8 yr. old son came to me the other night and asked if he could tell me something personal. I said Absolutely! He told me that he thought his friends sister liked him. Because she told him that she did. She is 11. I asked him if she said that she "liked him" or did she mean that she "liked him, liked him." lol I know. I felt stupid even saying it like that! And he said..."Likes Me, Likes Me!" He is so worried about this. He really has a crush on this girl and he wants to know if it's ok to ask her to be his girlfriend. I asked him what he thought it meant for her to be his girlfriend and he said that they would just "hang out" and "stuff". So I asked him what it is that they do now? And he said..."hang out" I asked him why he thought that she had to be his girlfriend in order for them to hang out? Then he told me how cool he thought it would be if they get married because then his best friend would be his ... "Step-Brother" ! LOL Yes, he said step-brother. I corrected him, though. :) Oh gotta love kids. Anyway, what do I do about this? Do I just let it run it's course and allow them to be "b-friend and g-friend"? Is this just a cute first crush, puppy love thing? I mean, he's ONLY 8! He'll be 9 in October. And she's 11 like I said. I don't know what to think of all of this. I am totally stumped. I knew this day would come but not at 8 yrs old!! HELP ME before I lose my mind! My brothers and I weren't interested in dating until we were 11. At least that's when we asked people to school dances and stuff. That's when I had my first "boyfriend". But he was 13. NOT 8! What do I do?? :confused:

I say tell him its more safe for the sake of his friendship with her and her brother to stay friends...
Tell him there is nothing wrong with having a crush. Do you really want him to stress out at 8 years old over a girl? I would say 10 or 11 is normal now a days, but 8 is just to young in my mind. AND yes, he sounds adorable, but you have to set that oh it's adorable stuff aside. Just my opinion... good luck!

I know that it's entirely too young to be worrying about girls. I remember playing w/ Barbies, watching the Smurfs and playing the Atari at 8 years old! He's worried about his clothes, hair, friends... Oh wow. It almost made me sick! I did tell him that. How it could affect the friendship, etc... I just think that he's too young! I keep trying to tell him that he has his whole life ahead of him to deal w/ this kind of thing! Not at 8 years old! I am just afraid that if I tell him NO then it'll seem more appealing and they'd do it anyway. UUGGH!

When you are "blank" you can start seeing girls... that is the end of the conversation! You can have crushes... but that is as far as it will go, am I understood? That is what I would say and say we are done talking about it. Sorry to be harsh, but... as the story goes, they get by with this, he is going to want a cell phone at 9

We have to go back many years. I had a girlfriend in about 3rd or 4th grade. Problem was, it created a major problem with my peers and her peers. i.e they would not let us be girlfriend and boyfriend or even hang out together. At that age and time boys played with boys and girls played with girls.

I don't know what the scoop is today or if that separation still occurs.

My advise would be to discourage bf/gf if none of his peers have one.
You might try to ask at what age/grade do people have bf/gf's.

At this point you have a way to back up. It's not an age appropriate behavior at this time. Wait until your x to be bf/gf.

Startover:
Kid probably already has a cell to call only pre-programmed numbers.

Dang, I hope not!

My son is such a funny kid. He wears a mohawk, sometimes it's yellow or orange. He wears clothes w/ skulls, guitars and drums. I always say that "you're only a kid once! Do what you can, while you can!" when it comes to being allowed to wear a colored mohawk, sleep in until 10am, play all day during summer break, etc... But I was putting my foot down about this because I just don't want him to worry about that stuff right now. I was just worried that if I made such a huge deal of it, it would just push him to do it more. I was just so confused because sometimes people tell me that I am too hard on him and that I expect too much from him. But I do! I have high expectations of him. He knows what's right and wrong. He's such a sweet, loving little man. And I didn't know if this was once instance where I was being " Too Hard" on him. Yeah, I agree. My answer is NO and he doesn't have to like it. But I just wanted to be sure I wasn't wrong in doing so.

Erin... you go with this, you will be thankful you did!

My child is 10 and has a cell phone. What's wrong with that? She is staying the night with friends and doing different things without me, so she is getting a little further away from me. She will never have to stay where she doesn't want to be. She can call me to come and get her.

Anyway the boyfriend /girlfriend thing. I told my child that all boys and girls could be her friends. I also told her that there would be no boyfriend as in going anywhere alone with him and his parents. I also explained this to the boys parents. I think she is far to young at 10 years old, so you know that I think 8 years old is too young. Let them be kids.
I don't think that peer pressure or who has or doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend should have anything to do with it.
Teach your child the values that you want him to grow up with.

I agree! Why do kids think they have to grow up so fast? Honestly, before you know it they're going to be bogged down w/ responsibility and they aren't going to be able to have as much fun the way they can now. I want him to stay innocent. Didn't happen. :) Thanks Guys! I knew I wasn't going to allow it, I just didn't know if I was right or not. I'll be the big, mean mom and not care! Lol

My daughter will be 8 in about 3 weeks. She has announced to all of her friends that "her mom said she could have a boyfriend this year" I do not recall this conversation. She is going to be in 2nd grade and I have told her that she doesn't need to worry about boys right now. And anyway, they change their minds so fast, the point may be moot!

The cell phone... we are thinking of getting her one for her b-day. It will only be able to call who we program in though and only receive calls from the contact list.

Now, that is funny.
About the cell phone... does she go places without you? Everywhere my kids go there is a desk phone, or someone with a cell phone, if not, I hand over my phone and tell them the rules...
My daughter wants one... she is 11. My son got one in 7th grade, all football season, he had to wait the extra 15 minutes after everyone left so I wanted to make sure he was safe and good to go! It has been fine, he doesn't abuse his rights, but he has more numbers than I do and there is no way in he11 he will be texting while I am talking to him.
My daughter starts middle school this year, I suppose that is a good enough excuse to get her one, but I am not sure I am willing to go so far...

You're right Erin to say no. My 7 year old daughter used to always come home from school and tel me some boy ask her to be his girlfriend but she told him no because me and he father sat down a before hand and told her anyone ask her to be their girlfriend, tell their no but they can be your friend. If they continue to bother her we told her to tell them to ask your mom or dad. One boy in he class brought her jewlry. I made her give it back and explain why it not good to accept gifts from people, but when I called the parents to inform them of their son actions the father said "I know he gave it to her, I brought it, I thought it was cute for him to have a crush on someone", how stupid and he was even madder that I made her return it to him, how foolish of the dad. Things are happening way to early for kids but it's up to the parents to guide them.

Also, my daughter has a cellphone. She takes the school bus to school and there have been times it was extremely late dropping her off from school that I got nervous. Now she calls me when she gets t school and her way home. I see nothing wrong with that because too many things happens now.

I think you have handled it pretty well so far. I would have asked him all the same questions
And it is cute, sweet and good that he came to you and asked your advice. Most kids just have the boyfriend or girlfriend and their parents are never aware of it until the girl is four months pregnant. Maybe tell him to call her his friend girl or something that shows she is a little more special to him than hang out buddy but yet not girlfriend.

Now, that is funny.
About the cell phone...does she go places without you?

I wish I could say "yes" - but not really. We had an incident last year when the bus dropped her off at our house instead of day care. Of course, we weren't home and she freaked out. It would have been nice to have a phone then. Thank God for good neighbors!

The only reason we are seriously considering it is because of the plan we have with our cell phones, we can get a free phone and then the calls she will make will be free, because it will be to our cell phones and we are in the same plan. Or that is how it was explained to us. I am sure there is a monthly fee for the service, but we haven't gotten that far yet.

I don't know what the appeal is for the kids. Most of the places she goes to have a phone that she can use, but it isn't the same. Or as she says - "how BORING"!

I actually give him my cell phone when he's in the neighborhood playing w/ his friends and you can believe I call him every 25-30 minutes. I want to know what's going on! At one time I had gotten him walkie talkies and used them instead of a phone. My 1 yr.old ruined that when he threw one of them into the pool. Cell phones aren't such a bad idea as long as they're used properly. My son won't call anyone on that phone but me. And he doesn't answer it unless its me calling. But he only has it when he's in the neighborhood playing.

Originally Posted by startover22
Now, that is funny.
About the cell phone... does she go places without you?

Yes, I will have to say that at 10 years old she is starting to go places without me. That is why I want her to be safe. She does not have to depend on anyone else to borrow a cell phone, buy her something to eat or anything else.
She spends the night with friends and yes I know the parents but, do we really know what goes on when the door shuts at night? No we don't and if you think you do then you are kidding yourself. If Mom and Dad get into a screaming match at 2 am then my child can call me
At 10 years old my child goes to the movies with girl friends , sometimes I take them.. sometimes the other Moms take them. My child does not have to ask to borrow a phone if she needs me. She doesn't have to ask to borrow anything. She has her own money. She has her own phone and when she is old enough, she will have her own car. I want my child to be safe at all times. If a cell phone promotes safety then she will have one.
I am glad you are with your child 24/7 but I am not. She is getting older and as I said before she is doing things without me. That is normal.

For Erin: you have done a fine job. I think you made the right decision. Don't let anyone else tell you how to raise your children. You are doing a great job, just try to stay on top of things. I know it gets harder as they get older.

Thank You. I do find that as he gets older I am having a hard time making decisions. It's getting harder. I know that things are different nowadays than they were just when I was growing up. Things change and apparently so do parenting styles. This is the first time I've had to deal w/ anything like this so I just wasn't sure if I was being the overbearring mom by not letting him follow through w/ this schoolboy girlfriend/crush thing he has. Some people tell you by not allowing them to do certain things it's wrong. I know what I expect of MY children but I also want to do the right thing. Thanks!

Erin, I think you are doing the right thing. My little girl has had boys want her for a girl friend and their parents seem to think that is OK. I don't.
I also don't care what others do, I will do what I think is right. The biggest surprise was that my little girl really didn't care and seemed relieved that I had made the decision.
I guess that let her off the hook with her friends and she can just be a kid.
Keep up the good work and follow your heart. You won't go wrong.

Isabelle? I am surely not with my children 24/7. I am also not against safety. I am against giving into children and letting them have whatever they want. I am against kids that run around with needless things with "pretend" reasons for them. We let them have grown up things to fast, they become grown ups too fast... you see? There is no working towards anything... they can have it when they are 8. I don't see a need to have my daughter take a cell phone to her friends. I do see my daughter taking one when we are at the mall together and she wants to go into a store with her friends and I want to go into a different one. I am sorry you took me the wrong way.

Erin, you are doing fine, and you keep him safe and sound. I admit that things are different and harder for kids, but that is what we are here for. ;)

Start, you brought up some valid points. As parents, do we give in too much? By getting my 8 year old a cell phone - what message is that sending her? I don't know. I have been battling this one. Not sure what the right decision is. I hate the thought of her disappointed on her b-day. But is giving in the right thing to do? I mean, if she got one - she can only call the police, me or my husband. So what do I do?

I know - this is totally off topic! Sorry. :)

Well, it is a little off topic, but in the same light as helping your kids grow up and make good choices. My daughter wants a phone so bad, she can taste it... so I give her one? No way, when we really know she needs it, when she can't call us and she needs to, she still borrows mine and that is the way it will be. Sheesh, buying her first bra was an even between her and I. I made sure she needed one and not just wanted one. And yes, I had funny tears after. I just think that there was a certain time for things, and parents now a days find a reason to give their kids what they want earlier because they have a promblem with either "keeping up with the jones'" or "not being able to say no". Granted there are many kids that could use a cell phone, for instance if they have to walk home from school alone, or things like that.

It just comes down to this, you give and you give and you give... are they thankful when you give?

We never had cell phones when we were kids and we've all lived to tell about it. :) But now that we have them, it's a real convenience thing. I know it's great for me to hand my son my phone and call him wherever he's at. He's never far but if I need to ask him a ? Or tell him to come home, I'd have to load up the baby in the stroller and walk to find him. This way, I don't have to do all of that and it's nice. AND if ever there's a problem he'll have my phone to call. I don't let him have his own phone, but he uses mine. He won't have his OWN phone until he has a job and can pay the bill. :) Til then its moms phone and ONLY when he is out playing.

Gosh, I just don't know what to do. I have been so conflicted about all of this.

There has been times where it would have been great if she had one. But, if I am being completely honest, the majority of the time - she doesn't need one.

Her b-day is in about three weeks. She first wanted a nintendo ds. Which those things are so expensive. I kind of fought that. Now, she wants to save her money to get one. Fine with me! But - now she wants a cell phone. And that is all she talks about. When we found out we could get one for free , etc. we thought "maybe".

I just don't know what to do.

The companies make it so easy, and they find really good reasons for getting your child a phone. We buy into it all!
I am not saying don't or do. I am saying I won't because I feel as if 11 is too young. My daughters friends come over with their cell phones... I love my daughter and want her to be happy, but I want her to know there is a certain time when she gets that, and not until then. I want her to know she can get a dang job and get her own car, just like I did, and I want her to be able to handle things "in reality" not just through a virtual world, like it is becoming. So many people in this era are going to crash real hard, when the slap of reality comes through. I want my daughter if ever in a position without a phone to be able to handle it properly! I want her to know what to do in an emergency.

My oldest boys parent told me her friends daughters texting was at 15,000min. For the month!! I said, WHAT IN THE HELL? She said no, its OK, its summer, she is fine. I
Said, "I don't think so, that is proof she never stepped a foot outside, nor did she TALK with her voice to anyone. She TEXTED it. Holy crap, can you believe it?

I'll be the big, mean mom and not care! lol

I've always told myself and my kids that it is my job as mom to be the bad guy. It's my job to say no to things. I take that part of my job pretty seriously, though sometimes it is hard! I think your son asked you -- in part -- because he needed for you to say no.

Also, I want to say that he is under your supervision at this age, so not much could happen that wouldn't be pretty innocent. Still, he needs to hear what your expectations are--that's what he was asking. I realize you've already dealt with this, but I would just say something like, "Be friends. You aren't old enough to have a girlfriend in the sense of someone you might someday marry. If you still like her when you are 16 or 17, let me know."

My daughter has a cell phone due to her taking the school bus. She only uses it for that purpose only and I see nothing wrong with it. Once she return home the phone is off and during the weekends and summer she don't have it. There been too many incidents of the bus and this way I am aware of anything. When she gets to school, on her way home, if she's delayed getting home, etc. There been many of times she suppose to be home at 5pm and don't get home until 6:30, I get scare and think the worse and call the bus company, police station because I afraid the bus was in an accident.

My daughter has a cell phone due to her taking the school bus. She only uses it for that purpose only and I see nothing wrong with it. Once she return home the phone is off and during the weekends and summer she don't have it. There been too many incidents of the bus and this way I am aware of anything. When she gets to school, on her way home, if she's delayed getting home, etc. There been many of times she suppose to be home at 5pm and don't get home until 6:30, I get scare and think the worse and call the bus company, police station because I afraid the bus was in an accident.
This is totally reasonable. And this is why we are thankful to have that convenience! ;)

Ok well update on the girlfriend thing... As it turns out the 11 yr old girl my son had a crush on already "broke his heart" when he came home from a sleepover w/ his cousin and she had asked one of his best friends to be her boyfriend. Lol I tried to tell him girls that age will be in love w/ you one minute and despise you the next. Its just the way it is. But, he was really angry and hurt. He said about how nice he thought she was and his feelings were hurt! So then I had to deal w/ the anger issue. Lol Wow. If it isn't one thing it's another, huh?

Aww, gosh, I know that story;)
Poor guy!

OK I don't like to get off topic but this has got to be addressed.
I gave my child a cell phone. She didn't ask me for one. She never mentioned it. It was my idea. I think she needs one.
She never asked me for a helmet for riding her bike but I bought her one.She never asked for a lot of things that I have bought for her because I felt it would make her safer.
I don't know how giving a child a cell phone became twisted into a child being a spoiled brat and always getting what they ask for? How does owning a cell phone, make them never know how to work or wait for something?
I did not buy the nicest phone they sell. I bought her what she needed.. a way to stay in touch with me, a way that I thought would keep her safer. Most of the time I have to make sure she has the phone with her and have at times turned around and gone back home to get her phone.
This is what I was talking about. PEER PRESSURE. Now I have parents telling me how wrong I was to buy my child a cell phone and how I could do things differently.
I decided to buy this phone. It was never asked for.. it wasn't a gift... it wasn't giving in to begging or whining.
I did what I felt like was best for my child. For the parents who do not agree with me.. don't buy a phone. I would also ask... do not judge some one else.

If parents were more supportive of each other maybe children would be more supportive of each other as well. When adults can not agree on a simple a thing as cell phone then we are in trouble. I think I did the right thing for my child and for her safety. I think that the things that have been said on this board have been said when children can hear them. That only makes the problem bigger.
I will make my child as safe as I can. I am not trying to make her into a small adult.
This is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings, because I did not read every post. This is only me doing what I think is right for my child. I do not think there is a universal answer but each case must be evaluated for each child's needs.


Erin I want to mostly apologize to you. I never meant to over shadow the boyfriend.. girlfriend thing with multiple posts about a cell phone.
I am sorry your son has hurt feeling but tell him one day the girls will stand in line to talk to him.
Kids are kids and you are right.. they really don't know what dating or going together means. Wait until they are about 18, then our hair will be grey. As for this first time crush thing... I think you did a great job.

Startover I don't think I misunderstood you at all. You are implying that I am raising a spoiled brat because I decide that she needs a cell phone.
You have jumped to every wrong conclusion that I can think of.

I think that you and I are miles apart in our circumstances and you are judging my actions by your life experiences.

My opinion... not a judge. I don't mind if you buy a cell for your child. I don't mind if anyone does, I just won't until it is time.;)

I suppose back peddling and wink is as close as I will get for an apology. ;)
What you posted was not posted as an opinion. ;)

Oh I don't know what to do! My 8 yr. old son came to me the other night and asked if he could tell me something personal. I said Absolutely! He told me that he thought his friends sister liked him. Because she told him that she did. She is 11. I asked him if she said that she "liked him" or did she mean that she "liked him, liked him." lol I know. I felt stupid even saying it like that! And he said..."Likes Me, Likes Me!" He is so worried about this. He really has a crush on this girl and he wants to know if it's ok to ask her to be his girlfriend. I asked him what he thought it meant for her to be his girlfriend and he said that they would just "hang out" and "stuff". So I asked him what it is that they do now? And he said..."hang out" I asked him why he thought that she had to be his girlfriend in order for them to hang out? Then he told me how cool he thought it would be if they get married because then his best friend would be his ... "Step-Brother" ! LOL Yes, he said step-brother. I corrected him, though. :) Oh gotta love kids. Anyway, what do I do about this? Do I just let it run it's course and allow them to be "b-friend and g-friend"? Is this just a cute first crush, puppy love thing? I mean, he's ONLY 8! He'll be 9 in October. And she's 11 like I said. I don't know what to think of all of this. I am totally stumped. I knew this day would come but not at 8 yrs old!! HELP ME before I lose my mind! My brothers and I weren't interested in dating until we were 11. At least that's when we asked people to school dances and stuff. That's when I had my first "boyfriend". But he was 13. NOT 8! What do I do??? :confused:
You shuld tell him that you are too young for this kind of stuff, Talking to someone nicely creates friendship but talking to them too nicely creates love, so tell him straight do not do that or go to the girl and tell her

You know Isabell, enough hurting this thread... if you want to say something, PM me...
My intentions were NOT to hurt you or anyone else, I suppose I have a strong opinion about this subject, that does not mean I judge every child with one!

Erin, I apologize for turning this thread around.
I hope he is fine today;)

Lol That's OK guys :) It happens a lot on other posts, too. Yeah, the whole b/f & g/f thing just threw me off. My baby is looking at another little girl thinking that he wants her to be his girlfriend! It broke my heart! The day has come when my little boy has eyes for someone other than his "mommy" :( I knew this day would come but just not at 8 yrs. Old. But she's moved on. Lol So I didn't have to worry about it for too long :) That was God's intervention! Lol

AND... I understand why he likes her so much... She reminds me of exactly how I was when I was her age! I even told him that before. She's a little mother hen. She takes care of all of the boys, makes sure everyone's OK... She is JUST like me. I didn't want to remind him of that, but then again, maybe I should have so he would change his mind about her! Lol

... cutteeeeeee

I remember my first crush...

Mrs. Cornwallis... ::sigh::

Since we got off topic here, I decided to start a new thread where we can use each other as a sounding board. I hope you will visit.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/parents-support-each-other-251115.html#post1227293

Start over, if you want to continue your tirade against what I think and feel then you may P.M. me, or just let it go. I am done with this. Don't expect any response from me on this board again. Thoughtless opinions can hurt others.
I do agree that this has hurt this board. I suggest that you offer less opinions about what others do and offer more advice for the questions.

Erin, I think you have been a very good sport about this nonsense and I do apologize, to you and the other posters. I never dreamed that buying a cell phone would cause all this.
I wish you and your son the best of everything.
As for your above post, I have heard that every boy/man is looking for a girl just like Mom, even if they won't admit it.