We were together for 3 years before I decided to call off the wedding. Together 24/7 and very happy when it was just us. Outside forces kept interfering; we both knew he could make me happy, but he was just too selfish to put me before himself. Discussing my unhappiness just made him start to distance himself away from me. I felt he didn't love me and was just settling; thought he could be & deserved to be happier so I decided to let him go.

We had a hard time letting go afterwards, so we tried to work things out for another 2 years. Being separated, he decided to cheat on me twice with people he had no future with at all. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore after the third time. He ran into an old acquaintance (from 12 years ago) and decided to ask her to marry him after 2 weeks. He was telling everyone she was "The One". He went from trying to save to spending money he didn't have on her, withdrawing from his friends, publicly declaring his undying love for her, and mending fences with his family. People were concerned; he was acting like a crazy person.

It has been almost 6 months now, and we have not spoken. It has been difficult not talking to him everyday because he was my best friend, but the 2 years off-and-on made it much easier. I've been trying to "move on" & focus on just myself, which has been really good, but I still think of him. Now he is saying he's leaving her because he can't stop loving me. What?? My head says there cannot be a chance for us now; a normal human being would run in the opposite direction from him. I like doing my own thing now instead of putting up with empty promises from another. My heart says I should at least hear what he has to say; despite everything he is my soulmate, my heart. I've never felt comfortable with anyone else. But more importantly, I am afraid there is something seriously wrong with him? He's lied and cheated on women all his life. He's supposedly finally with the girl of his dreams & now he wants to leave her?. and come back to me?. a fourth time?!

I like doing my own thing now instead of putting up with empty promises from another... He's lied and cheated on women all his life.

I think you should focus on those two sentences.

I KNOW, I KNOW... it's been 2.5 years now - why isn't my heart hardened against him yet? I can't help but worry he might have a brain tumor or something because he's been acting so crazy lately. Or some deep psychological reason for being like the "Runaway Groom" - always proposing and then leaving.

He may sound really bad, but he really can be a sweet, giving man most of the time - how else do you think he gets all these "opportunities"?

Thank you for answer though. I really appreciate it.

It sounds as though he has some real commitment issues. I would advise you to not give him the time of day and continue healing.

From the start the first issue was lack of communication. When you tried to voice concerns he distanced... huge issue...

I see a lot of contradiction in a lot of what you say, and I account for it because I think you are torn between your "love" and the fact you truly know that this person is not good for you.

I do however have a question. How does someone cheat on you when you are separated?

Meh, trivial data... Bottom line is you need to cut your loses. Even when you love someone with all your heart sometimes the best thing you can do for the both of you is stay away.

I do however have a question. How does someone cheat on you when you are separated?


No, you are right. I mean separated because we were no longer living together; now we lived an hour's drive away from each other. He met the first girl right after we separated, but continued the relationship while he wanted to try to hang on to me. After I found out about her, I put a lot of restrictions on him, which I know was my bad - I just didn't trust him anymore. He knew he crossed several lines with her, so I didn't know how to deal with that. So, he'd "realize he was still in love with me", try to come back, get frustrated with all my restrictions, fool around, I'd find out and leave. Repeat. Funny thing is, he is the one who says he cheated while it is kind of a gray area for me.

Yes, very conflicted I sense. Resist the dark side, we must. :p I guess I can't explain it; there are some things you just know for sure. I know for sure he is my heart - I can live just fine with or without it. If he is sick, I want to help him get the help he needs to get better. I'll never understand how he could have hurt me so badly, and how all of that hasn't changed my heart yet. I guess perhaps it is like the love you feel for your children - they may hurt you and disappoint you, but you love them anyway because they are a part of you.


Even when you love someone with all your heart sometimes the best thing you can do for the both of you is stay away.

Yes, the very reason why I ended the engagement in the first place. Regardless, I know continuing no contact is the way to go & I appreciate all your voices. I guess I was just hoping to find hope in the hopeless romantic. To hear someone make it against all the odds.