I need help with this. I found out that my 17 year old went out with a 38 year old. Can't that man get in trouble for that? I don't think she should date someone that old. Do you think it is right for someone that age to date someone that old? Can people date someone that old when you are that age? Is it right or wrong? :confused:

Well, most people would say that it is completely wrong but Honestly to me it wouldn't really matter as long as he is treating her right. Because to me age is just a number. But don't yell at her just talk to her calmly and talk to her about how she feels. And if you really don't think that it should happen calmly explain that to her.

You have a teenager yet you date boys?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/what-do-do-199346.html

If fact the whole story based on your questions sounds weird.

Are you allowing your daughter to use your name? Because some of your posts appear to be from a teen and others from the mother.

No its not right for a 38 yr old man to date a 17 yr old girl. But its not illegal to date. There are no laws governing that. However, it may be illegal for them to engage in sexual activity. While most places use 16 as the age of consent it may be older in some places or there may be a disparity of age clause.


Well, most poeple would say that it is completely wrong but Honestly to me it wouldn't really matter as long as he is treating her right. Because to me age is just a number. But don't yell at her just talk to her calmly and talk to her about how she feels. And if you really don't think that it should happen calmly explain that to her.

Of course to you age is just a number. That's because you are a kid who doesn't know better. But age DOES matter when the people involved are minors or one is a minor and the other an adult.

In my opinion it is ethically and morally wrong for a 38 yr old to date a 17 yr old. But its not illegal. However, if your daughter is pregnant, when the child is born, gert a DNA test. If he's the father, he could be looking at a statuory rape charge depending on where you live.

You think it is wrong to date that old I do too. It is hard to say because people say let them be. But then it might not be his kid it might be the other guys. But I am still mad because if it is his I think I should do something about it like that. Then the people said number dont matter as long as they are happy and is that true? What happen when the one gets really old? What do other people think about the numbers?

Unless your states age of consent is 18 she most likely can see him legally.
She will have to get a paternity test done before anybody can say who the dad is if she has been with more than one guy.
By law numbers do matter because he could get in serious trouble for statutory rape depending on where you live.
If she denies having sex with him and the baby is not his it would be hard to prove any statutory rape though.

Should they? It is up to you as mom to stop it or she is going to do as she pleases.
It looks like she is going to do what she wants so whether she should or shouldn't seems a bit irrelevant
Unless you can put your foot down and stop it. Then she may just get creatively sneaky at seeing him.

I don't know the guy. I don't know your daughter. I don't know what kind of relationship they have so I really can't say but for her to be seeing other guys at the same time I would say they must not have an 'all that' relationship so I would say it is not good and go as far as saying it is not right. She really should be with the one she loves the most and drop the rest.

Personally I think she should drop them both because she does not seem to love either or she would not be cheating.

Yes I want to put my foot down. But why would a old man like that want to date her? Do you think it is right?

You say Yes I want to put my foot down BUT you sound more concerned about why the 'old man' would be wanting to date her like it should influence your decision as a mother I don't think it should influence your decision. How and when do you plan on putting your foot down?

Why as a mother are you concerned about what others THINK?
She is YOUR daughter.

You don't think she should have no guys so then does that mean you feel she should be with somebody she doesn't even really love?

Does she have a father figure in her life? How long has she actually been involve with this guy? Not to be rude but I think you are totally cluesless when it comes to your kids and need to really step up and be a mom and take charge but it might be a little too late but then again there is a chance for some impact.

My aunt let her daughter date and then live with a guy who was 35 while he daughte was only 16. Oh, but her mother loved him because he was a firefighter. Most of my family, including me, found it to be very perverted because what 35 year old what to have a 16 year old as a girlfriend and we later found out she was messing with him since she was 15, it turned my stomach and me being a mother I'll never allowed this.

Back to you Amy, you need to have a talk with all your kids to find out what's going on in their life. Sit them down one by one and have a long overdue talk with each.

So you think she should go out with a 38 year old. She is with one her age right now but she wants the 38 year old because she loves him more. Do you think that is right?

What do you think and how does it make you feel? Forget what everyone else think. If you was talking with your daughter right now about this matter what would you said? Where did this guy come from anyway?

You need to step up!

So you think she should go out with a 38 year old. She is with one her age right now but she wants the 38 year old because she loves him more. do you think that is right?

Again why are you so concerned about what others think?
We already did tell you what we think and none of it seems to answer whatever it is you are wanting to hear. We have said if she doesn't truly love him then she should leave him. We have said you are the mother and you need to tell her what she should do. We have told you that it does seem not right.

Are you looking for us to say it is perfectly fine no problem or he sounds like a pervert forbid her to see him?

What do YOU think of the guy as a boyfriend for YOUR daughter?
What is their relationship like?
Do you think he loves YOUR daughter?
These are the things you need to be asking yourself rather than worrying about what others think.
Heck if I worried about what others thought I wouldn't even be able to have a boyfriend my OWN age.

Amy, I am starting to think that your playing games because most of your responses makes no sense at all. I don't know what your motives are but you really seem to lack being a parent. You should be aware of everything that going on in your kids life or at least keep up with them. I really doubt that your daughter would listen to everything that you said because she don't take you serious so therefore she would do what she want and won't realize her wrong until she get older, I hope so. You really need to be a parent and you should know what right and wrong otherwise how would your kids know? Your daughter should be more concern about her unborn child instead of a guy/s. You need to question this guy background with your daughter and find out have they ever engage in sex because if she stated that she loves him there is a background. You need to some guts and really have a talk with your kids. If and when you do, don't be afaid to ask anything and don't be shock to any responses.

I'll say this one more time. It is morally and ethically WRONG for a 38yr old to be dating a 17 yr old. There is absolutely no question in my mind about that. And anyone who tells you different is just as bad as he is.

You seem to be one of the most wimpy mom's I've ever encountered. Your kids are in their late teens and you've never talked to them about the birds and the bees? You stand idly by while your teen age daughter is involved with a man old enough to be her father? You let yougt kids spend frequent overnites at their gf/bf's?

Lady, you need a clue. You need someone to show you how to be a parent because you seem to have given up on it.

Your feelings is understandable but would you rather see your daughter hang out with a horny and druggie 17 yr old who still lives with his parents?

So long as he's single,he's respecting your daughter doesn't look lost while dating him, you should feel OK.

Get your husband talk to him, man to man: the guy needs to wait and sure he should know his limitations are because your daughter is still a minor.

So long as he's single, she's respected and ur saughter doesn't look lost while dating him, you should feel ok.


You aren't seriously advocating that she allow her 17 yr old daughter to date a 38 yr old?? What the heck are you thinking??

Yalaira, so your saying it's okay for a 38 year old to date a minor? In your post you state it's okay but then say she's a minor. Which one is it? If so, just curious to know what are the limitations that need to set?

In some states 17 is legal but still she needs to stand up as a mother rather than asking opinions on how it LOOKS to others like that is ALL she is concerned about.

You aren't seriously advocating that she allow her 17 yr old daughter to date a 38 yr old???? What the heck are you thinking???

Im not advocating but I'm trying to understand. A year is not too long to wait??

Sorry for messing up spelling But I'm sure I'm clear on "as long as he respects your daughter."

I know I need to be a better mother. I just going to have to talk to her about this and it sounds like I need help too.

Yes, and it's not too late to get that help. Go to counseling and parenting class. What state do you live in?

You can't help it. Your daughter is growing is exploring. How's the guy (aside from he's 38)? In my opinion as long as there's nothing threatening about his charater, I'll just be there to guide: (eg: set curfew&have one of your child watch them when they are going out) Your daughter will date him whatever you do anyway. What's the good if you will jail the guy?

This is what you should do keep an eye on her where ever she goes or talk to her because you know he might be a pervert??

Im not advocating but im trying to understand.


In my opinion as long as there's nothing threatening about his charater, i'll just be there to guide: What's the good if you will jail the guy?

That's NOT advocating it?? Give me a break.

As to what good putting him in jail would do, it would get a sexual predator off the street.

Is another 17yr old classmate/neighbor not a predator too? What's the difference?

NO a same age is not a predator.
The difference is the law for ONE thing.
Culture is another reason.

I guess it boils back to parents good nurture and preparation of their kids for the world.. a year from now the daughter will be 18 and our friend here will sure still have feelings that her daughter is dating a guy old enough o date her.

I know if I was 17 and brought home or even told my mother I was dating an 38 year old, my mother would beat my a** while my father is kicking the guy a**. This guy is way too old and old enough to be her dad. It's sicking and you do have men this age that prey on young girls or try to relive their youth.

Emotions were understood here, we don't know anything about the guy aside from he's 38, now people call him predator etc. Look, even Celine Dion's parents felt bad for for Renee de Angelis when they were just starting ( Renee is 24 yrs older than Celine, and she used to audition to him when when she was just 12 years old & he's 36). But the guy proved he's worthy and way from "predator". If not because of him, we don't have Celine Dion diva now.

Amy you seek help for yourself and keep this guy away from your daughter. You don't know what this guy and your daughter done did because of her feelings towards him and you already stated she slept out many times and didn't know where she was. Ignore anyone who states it's okay and you do what's right. You must feel it's wrong otherwise you would not be asking for people views.

There can be exceptions to any rule but she is mom and she should be in control of this rather than concerned about what others think. Notice she never did even say what he was like, what their relationship was like or anything about him or his character even after I asked her so apparently she doesn't know him at all that well and she is not being the mother her daughter needs. IF he was 'all that' she wouldn't be seeking others 'approval'

Wheres your husband?

Me and my husband are going to get back with each other we are working on it. He is try to help me out also with his kids. He been helpen out along the way with all of this. He has made a big change and is try to help us all out.

Good. Let your husband handle talking to the 38 yr old guy. Emotions will get in the way if you will do it.

Its not only right right now because the daughter is still a minor 17
The age gap is just magnified here
Jamie Lynn Spears was just 16, got pregnant by 21 (?)
What's the technical difference?
What if when she turns 18 in a year,
Then it will be opinion by then.

What is the technical difference?
Nobody pressed charges against Jamie Lynn Spears boyfriend -possibly because she is Britney Spears sister?
What if when she turns 18?
By law he could still be charged with rape since she WAS a minor at the time.

Spears home state the age of consent is 17.

Also how old WAS she WHEN she got pregnant?

Jamie Lynn 16 when got pregnant. Spears's family could have charged the Bf statutory rape because they have more money than the guy for sure but they didn't. Maybe they will if the guy is 37.

You are asking a lot of what if's based on a bunch of different scenerio's who knows what Spears parents would have done if he was 37 but SOME states the hospital will notify the law if a pregnant minor's baby's dad is over the legal age to be with her.

Ylaira,
Lets look at some of the examples you cite. In the case of Celine Dion, he was her mentor. The question is did they start a romantic relationship until she was of age? In the case of Jamie Lynn Spears, the boy could have been prosecuted, maybe her parents decided not to for a variety of reasons, but he is a lot closer in age.

That, in the vast majority of cases, a 38 yr old would be interested in a 17 yr old for only one thing, sex. Sure they may be exceptions, but they are rare. Are you willing to take the chance in this case? Would you allow your daughter to have such a relationship? I know I wouldn't allow my daughter to do it.

Encouraging or just condoning such a relationship on the possibility it might work out is plain wrong.

... and according to your logic ylaira then what is to stop a 58 year old guy from being with a 17 year old? You might as well not have any laws other than for minors (say age 15) can not be with anybody sexually and anything else is fair game.

I believe the only reason she thinks it's okay because she is having a online relationship with a guy 29 years older then her. So this may be the reason she accepts it more.

I believe the only reason she thinks it's okay because she is having a online relationship with a guy 29 years older then her. So this may be the reason she accepts it more.

Ylaira is? Well that explains it.

Yep
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/line-romance-worth-trying-222493.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/bf-self-assured-just-dont-care-223969.html

Also she is from another country and doesn't understand the way it is in the USA.

Believe me I understand every posts here and I see I am alone. If Im the mother, It would be much acceptable for me too to see my daughter dating someone close to her age. If its my 15 year old daughter dating 36 yr old man, we'll have "Martial Law" until she'll be 17. Just my point is, this girl is 17. In months time, she'll be 18.

Will the ill feelings will go away when her daughter reached 18? Probably not. The truth is, people here we're against the age gap ywhile she's barely adult NOT BECAUSE she's "still have more months to be 18". Its crucial time to prepare her daughter on what's life out there. If the daughter will be used sex alone, the daughter should sense that on her own. Parents were biased. They will insists on what they think is right while children think " I'll see it on my own mom." As for the risk, men on the same age even 20's, 30's, 40's or 50's, you will encounter sex maniacs thats why proper training for decision making on her daughter's part is a must.

Again, Im not advocating it, I just showing the other side of things. It's a worldwide culture that partners should be IDEALLY CLOSE in age. Even my friends and family's forehead wrinkles when I tell them my bf is 20+ yrs older than I am. I feel bad but that's their opinion.....and its alright. Just too bad for affected parties like her daughter and her bf.

Honestly you can't stop love nomatter the age.

But if she was my daughter she'd be in a hot mess with me and her father.

Personally for me age does mater.3 or 5 that's OK but more than that? Nah it isint going down like that

I know that this thread is no longer really about the OPs question, but did no-one else heed NeedKarma's post (#3) and have a look at some of her other posts (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3093462)?

I smell a troll!

Is this the same 17 year old with the 19 year old boyfriend that is pregnant? She is saying that someone was using her profile, a friend. And that she stopped it... Who really knowS?

Believe me I understand every posts here and I see I am alone. If Im the mother, It would be much acceptable for me too to see my daughter dating someone close to her age. If its my 15 year old daughter dating 36 yr old man, we'll have "Martial Law" until she'll be 17.

Why you would even allow or consider a 15 year old to date a 36 year old is beyond me. How can you think that you can opposed "martial law" is also beyond me. Do you really think or believe a 36 year wants to date a 15 year old because they have something in common. He done lived most of his life while hers is just beginning. Also, unless you plan on following them every second, do you really think that they won't be having sex, and if so, will it real matter since you have already allowed your daughter to be place in this situation. I'll never allowed this.

Maybe he's paying her? Or she's forced to date that guy? Does she knows that you know about this?. if shi doesn't pretend they you'r makign up a story about a tteen dating and old 30 yr's old.. and ask her if it's right?. and stuffs make up smth.

I need help with this. I found out that my 17 year old went out with a 38 year old. Can't that man get in trouble for that? I dont think she should date someone that old. Do you think it is right for someone that age to date someone that old? Can people date someone that old when you are that age? Is it right or wrong? :confused:
It sounds wrong but he can't get into trouble cause she is over the age of 16
Try to talk to him and tell him to leave her alone.

Good luck

it sounds wrong but he can't get into trouble cause she is over the age of 16
try to talk to him and tell him to leave her alone.

good luck

Actually no, this depends on where she lives.

I need help with this. I found out that my 17 year old went out with a 38 year old. Can't that man get in trouble for that? I dont think she should date someone that old. Do you think it is right for someone that age to date someone that old? Can people date someone that old when you are that age? Is it right or wrong? :confused:
While age is no doubt a factor for apprehended relationship, but much will depend upon your daughter. If she is willing to have relationship with the man, none can stop this.