I am 36 years old and so is my husband (2nd marriage).
At the beginning of the relationship we got it on 3 to 4 times in a day but now we haven't had it in a year. He has a very high sex drive, but I have never really been extensively interested in sex.
I love my husband to bits, I have told him that him pleasuring himself really turns me off, but I know he needs to, and at least he isn't looking elsewhere for it.

Please can some one help me to understand how to enjoy pleasuring myself as never felt comfortable doing it.

I just wish I could find a way to bring my libido back and enjoy making love to my husband before I loose him, even though he says he isn't going anywhere and is prepared to wait for me to come alive again.

No sex in a year and 36 years old? Your husband is willing to wait? You never really have enjoyed sex?

Time to think about negotiating a reasonable number of times for sex per month--acceptable to both of you. But first, your question, I think you need to see a sex therapist who can work with you about your sex drive and different exercises you can do to increase your passion. You may need to have an endocrinologist check your hormones and physical condition which the therapist can recommend as part of your treatment.

Then, you will be in a better place to resume your sex life with a reasonable number of contacts per month acceptable to both of you.

It sounds like you might have negative views about sex and women, likely imbued into you by society. It is one thing if you are indifferent, but it's a whole different game if you are actually put off by it.

Sex is something that humans enjoy by the very nature of our genes. You might consider going to see a sex therapist. Just doing your "womanly duty" is never a healthy way to look at sex. You should have sex because you enjoy it. If you don't enjoy it, then you either are having hormone issues, or you are with the wrong person. You should take measures to understand why you are not enjoying it.

Please can some one help me to understand how to enjoy pleasuring myself as never felt comfortable doing it.


This is where I think a high % of issues regarding low libido actually stem from-in order to enjoy sex, you need to know/feel/understand what feels nice FOR YOU this mostly can only be achieved by your own practice-during intercourse it then becomes easier to find the stimulation/touches that DO IT FOR YOU-then you will find that if you can achieve this together as a couple, you will want it more because you will KNOW that you will feel nice... Am I making any sense?