When a relationship ends we all need to achieve is the Ol' magic NC (No contact) - for consecutive days in a row. And here's a place to put your number up!

SO, where are you in the count?


Share your number:


1? 21? 61? 101? Or best of all:A GOOD NEW RELATIONSHIP
(the goal of all this soul cleansing silence). Note: If you've called, texted, emailed, or visited though it.. uhhh... resets to zero :rolleyes:
We are all rooting for you - even if you have to restart again!

STARTING OVER IS NORMAL AND 100% OK!! IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.

I was going on a week of NC, till he messaged me on myspace today to tell me that I hope I'm happy, because he definitely is.
*crushed* =/

OK. Today is day 1!

In this era of myspace, Facebook, texting, emailing and cell phoning - it's harder than ever.

So, OK, starting over! Next Thursday you'll have gone father than ever... and one day it just won't matter...

I wish it were easy.. but if you read my other posts, you can tell I'm just a mess.

Day 11 here !

Meh.. I broke mine about a week ago I was doing good for like a 4 weeks until I called her from which she ignored me again and got a email to leave her alone... so no NC or not I think I ruined it right there.. the 4 weeks were looking good to like I had a chance but whatever

Lost... DELETE HIM from myspace and then block his user ID... plain and simple

meh..i broke mine about a week ago i was doing good for like a 4 weeks until i called her from which she ignored me again and got a email to leave her alone...so no NC or not i think i ruined it right there..the 4 weeks were looking good to like i had a chance but whatever

You didn't ruin it, but you had a setback! NORMAL!!

You probably benefitted from a little closure...

So, let's say you get a bonus of a week.

So, you are on... day 7 :-)

Day 27 and I'm dying here. Seriously I think its getting worse!

Nice one... almost a month.

(keep in mind once people feel OK they wander away from site, so we can't see everyone's "healing number")

It gets worse before it gets better because our brain fears the reality of the separation as it gets more real, but you will feel a change coming...


I recommend 90-100 minimum to get bearings... so stay strong.

Well it's back to zero again since I heard from her this morning. It will continue to be like this until I cut all ties which I have finally decided to do.

well it's back to zero again since I heard from her this morning. It will continue to be like this until I cut all ties which I have finally decided to do.


No one said this was easy!!

Glad to hear you are going to take action!

We'll help you get your number up :cool:

nice one....almost a month.

(keep in mind once people feel ok they wander away from site, so we can't see everyone's "healing number")

it gets worse before it gets better because our brain fears the reality of the separation as it gets more real, but you will feel a change coming ....


i recommend 90-100 minimum to get bearings....so stay strong.


Does it help sometimes to make them realize what they lost?

You say and do all you have to at the start - and then silence is power.

Once NC begins that is your time.

If they don't come back then it is the universe's way of saying there is someone better out there for you...

Thanks ash. I just need that reminder. You are right, as usual! :)

Good new relationship on my end and now my ex is the one constantly talking to me, but I keep it friendly ha ha

Nice one!

victory!

How many days until you felt good to go?

Ha ha I actually lost count after the 3 month barrier... I had met the girl I was with in February, I wasn't looking for anything. I simply paged that it was her birthday over my old works loud speaker and we began talking. And then in March we started talking relationship wise, and have been together ever since.

My ex, well I broke NC I believe in May, because I felt content with my healing and knew I could handle it. She was asking if I had any doubts, was asking my friends how strong my new relationship was and telling people she is still in love with me. I simply told her, I will always have a place for you in my heart, but only as a friend. Our relationship was flawed, you decided to go your own way and I relucantly at first, went on mine and I feel as though we are both at terrific places in our lives.

She did NOT take it well

Exactly.

90 days and things get fuzzy - unless you were married, engaged or cheated upon...
Then you may need to add a few.

You are the poster boy for functional healing.

Well done man.

What if you don't WANT to be over them? What if you're trying nc because you know you should but you actually want him to come back?
I feel like ill be stuck in limbo forever

NO ONE WANTS IT TO BE OVER.

That's why you do NC.


It's emotional Detox.

If the other person knows you love them and you have done all you can - then it is out of your hands. Your work is OVER. (i.e. Does your ex want it to be over?)

Addicts go to places to clear their system. So, do relationship addicts. The mind and body have literal chemical (dopamine, endorphin, etc.) dependency when in a relationship, but if it is not a good or lasting one then they need to detox. The bosy needs to re-learn sources of dependency: HEALTHY ONES!

An alcoholic is told not to drink again... and follow a 12 step program.
A coke addict is put in rehab.
A gambling addict is told to not go in casinos.

A relationship addict needs to not be around the person that causes them pain.

IF - and I do mean IF the EX is the right person, THEY have to do the work. NOT YOU.
Tell them all you can and go. Manipulating them while broken up may get you back in the short term but will not last in the long term because they will not trust it as fate or a true reality.

ISOLATE and pile up the days.

Thanks for putting it into words that click, Ash123. I'm saving this thread.

Anyone else, make it past a few weeks? :)

If not, post your number and keep going...

Hey!
It's been 91 days for me now-that is 91 days since I last said ANYTHING to my ex and that was via a text message. I simply asked, "What do you want?" but she did not answer. That text was back on May 7 when she sent me a stupid text asking, "Who let the Jason bares out? Ruff, ruff." That was after I told her not to contact me anymore unless she wanted to reconcile. We have been broken up for some time but she got into a habit of sending me pointless, retarded text messages once a month. Her last text to me was, "You're gettin duh Build-A-Jason Bare for ur b-day." (like the Build-A-Bear Workshop store).No kidding, that was how the message was composed. She sent that one back on June 4-almost a week in advance of her birthday. I ignored it and promptly deleted it from my phone dismissing it as BS. Somebody told me that she could have been dropping me a hint for her b-day but I have tried to reconcile with her several times and she turned me down so I saw no point in even acknowledging it. My birthday was yesterday and I didn't so much as hear a peep from her. After her message June 4-I decided to cut the cord for good. I still miss her and what we used to have but the pain diminishes over time. Pity, I was looking forward to getting my Build-A-Jason Bear. My birthday wasn't quite complete without it!
Take Care Everybody,
Jason

Good for you jason!

Sorry she interrupted your 90 days with her lame jokes to see if she could just be a buddy.

No dice... she obviously was not ready for a more mature thing. And she needs to realize you ain't coming back...

Rock on

A

Hey Ash123,
It's been about 64 days since I heard from the ex-telling me what I was supposedly getting for my birthday and 91 days since I said anything to her(via text). She hasn't seen me in over six months nor have I seen her. I avoid the place she works like the plague and I refuse to call, write, drive by her house, and text her ever again. What she is doing now is her business-she made the choice to leave me and she's stuck with whatever her life has become now without me. This is a girl I've known for 11+ years, had a daughter with 4 years ago(which unfortunately passed away at 11 months of a congenital heart defect. I sort of had a setback yesterday while I was at King's Island(an amusement park around Cincinnati, Ohio)when I started to remember the good times we used to have and found myself on the verge of tears. Me and her just about made it a tradition to go there every year when we were together. Seeing fathers with their children having a good time made it even worse. It makes me think about what might have been had my daughter survived heart surgery(she would have turned 4 years old this year). But I was able to pull myself together and tough it up. I have gone for 91 days-I could go on forever. I still think about her everyday and question myself as to whether I did enough to save the relationship but when I think about how I swallowed my pride and tried to make up with her on several occasions and how she rejected that and continued with the stupid texts, I know there's nothing else I can do. It's her life and her choice. If she wants to date other people, she loses me for good-simple as that. I want to start dating again but I'm going to be selective. I'm not just going to try to "fill the void". It's especially hard to totally open up and share yourself with somebody else after you've done everything under the sun with your ex and they just dump you for somebody else. Anyway, good post-you're thinking the same thing I am-if it's meant to be, THEY have do the work. I had to learn the hard way...
Take Care, Jason

Hang in there...

Until you are fully healed you cannot really evaluate it all clearly and see what is best for your life.

I'm at 180 days. I've reached acceptance. On my side it has been total NC, although she has contacted me 4 or 5 times since we last spoke, which I've ignored. I get sad, but I've reached a realization that we can never be again. I'm looking forward again for the first time in as much time. That's the key, to it all, training your eyes forward.

I respect you man. 180 days. Wow. I need to do that too. I tried to make things work, and she kind of seemed to go along, but then last few times I tried to contact her, she bluntly ignored me.I stopped after that. That was the 20th of last month. After that I tried to contact her but I got a death hear, so I stopped trying.

Overall I have been trying to keep busy, and I am also seeing this new girl for about almost two months now. I'm taking things slow but I hate this all break up bull. It's sickening and pisses me off at time. I invested so much... I really just try not to think about it. My new girl is keeping me busy anyway so it's OK. Hang in there guys... things get better... keep you heads up.

So I guess I am on day 2. My boyfriend and I broke up, he moved back to his hometown, and I haven't heard from him since the day he got there. It's just getting to me because he left me to go back home and be with his 2yr old son & family & friends - so our break-up was mutual... both of us agreeing he should go, but we still wanted to be together and we won't do long-distance because that was the reason he moved here in the first place. I just don't understand why he doesn't try to contact me. When he left, we were on good terms, still wanting to talk to each other... he even made the comment to me "You'll be the one who has to tell me to stop calling you so much," but like I said - I haven't heard from him at all!

How can something so good be gone so quickly? It is hard enough to deal with the fact that we broke up, but for him to just cut off all contact with me after one day of not being together?

Sorry for whining... it just hurts to not be with him anymore, and it makes it worse when I haven't heard from him... like he just doesn't care. HOWEVER I am trying to stay strong. I've stopped trying to call/text him. I know that when he is ready, he will try to get in touch with me - and hopefully I will have enough strength to continue NC so that I can just get over this mess.

On week from now you'll be going on day 10.

Stay busy!

Rent funny movies.

When you get sad - get moving... to the gym, to a bookstore, to parents, to a trip.

One day you'll get to your magic number... and the funny thing is you won't even notice when it happens... you'll have to go back and try to fugure out when you spread your wings and flew on... :-)

One day we will look back to this learning experience and say wow, it's was a good thing it happened. I'm definitely getting better. It's been a little over 3 months. She broke it off two days before my birthday back in April 23rd... oh well... guys one thing I noticed is to stop trying is to fight it. It took me a long time for it to sink in, which caused me to worry and beat myself up. I stopped doing it. Cause it seemed as if the harder I fought it, the harder it was on me. But it have learned to accept it and stopped fighting it. It slowly get better and I can tell. I have decided that I won't call her about almost 3 weeks ago... anyway I just hope this end soon. Cause I still think about her and miss her a lot... but it's not as bed as it was in the beginning. My goal is to reach 90 days...

When a relationship ends we all need to achieve is the Ol' magic NC (No contact) - for consecutive days in a row. And here's a place to put your number up!

SO, where are you in the count?


Share your number:


1? 21? 61? 101? or best of all:A GOOD NEW RELATIONSHIP
(the goal of all this soul cleansing silence). Note: If you've called, texted, emailed, or visited though it..uhhh.....resets to zero :rolleyes:
We are all rooting for you - even if you have to restart again!

STARTING OVER IS NORMAL AND 100% OK!!! IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.
My ex broke up with me on 7/8/08. And he told me "keep in touch" and give him a call. I asked him "why would I want to call him?" He said, well, if you change your mind, give him a call. After this meeting, I wrote him an email to wish him well and it was great knowing him. I kindly told him that I wish I could call him, but I'd like to move on and not look back. To make a long story short, it has been almost 32 days since no contact. No calls or texts from him.

I feel much better than the first day.

On 10 8 08 you'll be even better :-)

Keep going!

On this day of August 11th of the year of our lord 2008 I hereby decree that it has been 2 months and like a couple days since the breakup and I have been strong!!

Back on day 1.

My previous best was 101 days.

I will beat 101 days this time.

Keep going everyone else, getting back in contact with my ex was pointless, and just hurt me some more.

Stay away and NC, and it does get better. At day 101 I was making progress, but had a setback and broke it.

Time to get tough.

It has been 1.5 months since I broke up. She cheated and left me for someone else. Unfortunately I broke up the NC twice in the first 15 days when she contacted me and I agreed to see her on the first case and answer her calls in the second. VERY BAD IDEA! Today 11th August is the 30th day with NC. She has called me twice in the past two weeks but I have left her calls unanswered. I feel there is nothing for us to say and that she has no right to know how Im doing. It is hard not answering it but I know its what's best for me right now and that feels good. It feels good knowing that you are not as weak as you thought you were although some days are still really bad and you wonder whether that will get better with time. My only fear is whether I will be fully recovered by the day I will bump into her again because that will definitely happen at some point, see we come from the same environment and have common close friends but we both live abroad. She is back home for summer now and I decided to stay abroad and deal with things with where they happened. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Why am I not feeling better after a month of no contact? Why do I still hope things will change?

Back on day 1.

my previous best was 101 days.

I will beat 101 days this time.

Keep going everyone else, getting back in contact with my ex was pointless, and just hurt me some more.

stay away and NC, and it does get better. at day 101 i was making progress, but had a setback and broke it.

Time to get tough.

I wouldn't be totally discouraged. 101 days is good. I would say that if you can repeat that, you'll be in the driver's seat.

So, what's the magic number?

Everyone is different, but generally you need 90 days to clear your head. Then, perhaps the same amount to be indifferent completely. But in cases of divorce and cheating and long term relationships it'll be longer... can add details on that at a later date.

I see a lot of people "went back to zero" and broke NC. Let's not think of it as exactly ZERO.

It DOES happen. But once is enough. Don't feel bad about it if it happens, as you are just trying to make sense of something, but probably the answer you already have...

It has been 1.5 months since I broke up. She cheated and left me for someone else. Unfortunately I broke up the NC twice in the first 15 days when she contacted me and I agreed to see her on the first case and answer her calls in the second. VERY BAD IDEA!. Today 11th August is the 30th day with NC. She has called me twice in the past two weeks but I have left her calls unanswered. I feel there is nothing for us to say and that she has no right to know how Im doing. It is hard not answering it but I know its whats best for me right now and that feels good. It feels good knowing that you are not as weak as you thought you were although some days are still really bad and you wonder whether that will get better with time. My only fear is whether I will be fully recovered by the day I will bump into her again because that will definitely happen at some point, see we come from the same environment and have common close friends but we both live abroad. She is back home for summer now and I decided to stay abroad and deal with things with where they happened. I hope im doing the right thing.


Why did she contact you? Did she wanted to make amends? Or did she wanted to stay friends with you?

When a relationship ends we all need to achieve is the Ol' magic NC (No contact) - for consecutive days in a row. And here's a place to put your number up!

SO, where are you in the count?


Share your number:


1? 21? 61? 101? or best of all:A GOOD NEW RELATIONSHIP
(the goal of all this soul cleansing silence). Note: If you've called, texted, emailed, or visited though it..uhhh.....resets to zero :rolleyes:
We are all rooting for you - even if you have to restart again!

STARTING OVER IS NORMAL AND 100% OK!!! IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.
This is my 39th day. Why do I feel so down again? I want to call him so bad. I am missing him again. That keep in touch phrase is just killing me. What should I do?

If a person wants to talk to you - there's nothing stopping them.


Sooooooo, relax and stay on course -

I know this thread hasn't been posted on in like 5 months, but I figured I would bring it back and say that I'm jumping back on NC.

I am on day 1.. Day 2 tomorrow, which is the ex`s birthday.

Not sure the exact number of days over all. Basically since I left.. Over 100 maybe 120?

Although, there were 2 quick texts before xmas. One for some mail I had and the other for xmas wishes. But both were only once back and forth- so I don't count that really.

Day 4 when the clock strikes 12 :D.

One... great... I "mistakenly" sent a text last night.

Day 115

I quit counting. Every time I count I end up screwing it up. It has been awhile. I am getting better by the minute!

1 and a hald month...

Ps:counts the fact that he sent me a sms for good luck in my exams etc and I just answered "thank u,take care"?

After going 5 months, my ex and I usually talk about once every 2 weeks. Every time it is initiated by her, something about our past and I quickly change the conversation. Last text though was crossing the line. I'll explain...

She sent me a text saying nothing else but "Was that ring meant for my finger?"

As most of you long time forum goingers know, I am engaged to my S/O, the relatonships after my last one. This crossed a whole bunch of lines, I quickly responded with "that was crossing a line, to answer your question. No, obviously fate through a twist our way that worked out for both of us, we are both better off and happy with what path we have chosen."

She replied "maybe you're happy with the way things turned out but i'm not"

And I didn't reply to that.

Wow, very good job!

Most of us would come crawling back after a text like that.

And, you sir, didn't even reply, well done.

Misery loves company, and she is obviously bitter at the fact you have moved on and are happier.

Good for you! Life is just too short...

Thanks 411 and KC, I take it for what it's worth when she texts me anymore. I would love to had that text about 10 months ago when her and I first broke up. Ever since I met my fiancé, everything in my life has improved from job location and salary to personal appearance and overal how I feel about myself.

Like my friend told me after I told him about my exes attempts. "She should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face, she made her bed and now she's got to lie in it."

After all that she's done did she really think I would leave my fiancé, who makes me happier than anyone I've been with to go back to the same boring routine her and I were stuck in?

Totally agree :). I wish I was as strong as you man.

You are that strong, you just don't know it yet. Rome is an example to the power we ALL have once we take it back. Take your power away from her, and live YOUR life. She has no impact whatsoever... not anymore! Carry on...

You guys will all get there, when her and I first parted, I wasn't that strong. I would want her to text me and say anything at all, just to have a conversation. Then something changed, I realized that without her I am still the same person just don't have her in my life. It's a long hard road to travel on, but eventually you will find it smooth and easy to ignore those texts that you know you would have killed to have sent months ago. It's truly rewarding to see how far you have come.

Personally, I am a much better person now than I ever was when I dated her.

No text, email or phone call from her is needed... ba bye!

Hey guys,
Was just reading the thread... and Rome that is amazing dude!. You have come a long long way!
I have had 6 weeks of NC so far... and hopefully I can keep going and get to the stage you are at Rome... I am SO MUCH beter than I was on week 1 where I was struggling like a drug addict. I have now learnt so much and Im learning every day... things are looking good.

Anyway.. guys I was just wondering. Why is it that when your girl leaves you - perhaps for another guy, to live the single lifestyle etc or whatever... that she ONLY comes back once you have fully recovered and Don't want her back?. its funny isn't it... she somehow only comes back when you don't want her back.

Has anyone else had experiences like this?. and does this always happen when the ex leaves you for another guy or single lifestyle.. even though you were a really good guy... I suppose not. But I just found it funny that the world works in such strange ways - she only realises what she had until its completely gone.. wow!

Keep up the good work guys!

To be honest, I wish I knew the true reason, but I don't think we will ever know. But I'll take some stabs at it, at least for my ex.

When my ex left me, for another guy(which she denies to this day but was with him the same week) I was needy, jealous, possessive and didn't take care of myself properly(food and exercise wise) that was December of 2007

Fast forward to the time she started the texting about getting back together. I had finished my counseling, online courses for jealousy and made HUGE strides in better myself as a person, not for her but because I knew I had to if I wanted to have a healthy successful relationship for myself in the future. I also started taking out my anger towards her and myself on the gym, eating right and getting in shape. I have made huge gains in that regards as well, in the best shape of my life and still go to the gym 5 days a week. Everything in my life has gotten better which lead to my personal life getting better and finding someone who accepts me for my flaws and understands that overcoming jealousy is an everyday battle, that I will have slips where I overreact towards something but knows I am trying to make a difference in how I behave about it.

That is great Rome... you improved yourself and are now reaping the benefits. You're an example to many on this site..

My situation is similar to yours... My ex would tell me all these affectionate, loving things ALL THE TIME and only days later.. once she was at university, she wanted to split up. I didn't really get any closure - she just said 'she felt uncomfortable in a relationship'. Then only weeks after dumping me she was with a guy that she had met only 2 weeks before breaking up with me.

But the reality is.. I will never know why she left me - could be because she met this other guy, or she wanted to be single etc.. whatever.. I will never know.

I don't think she will ever come back, even when I am 100% better. Proabably because.. this is what she really wanted.. (to be single or date other guys etc).. and she probably wasn't mature enough for a long term relationship which is what I wanted and she needs to find herself etc. Although, I could be wrong.. and she may come back when I am over her, which is what has happened in many cases.

Right now, I don't want her back at all.. because I realised she doesn't truly love me, and the things she used to say to me weren't really true. But, I do find myself thinking sometimes that it would be nice if she came back when I am completely over her... I know I need to get this thought out of my head, because it shouldn't matter AT ALL whether she comes back or not in the future.. it shouldn't matter because she's not the one for me and I deserve better..

I guess it just takes time though and I will stop having thoughts like that after a few more months of NC... just going to stick to it :)

Day 18.. before I broke it through MSN (I have now deleted her address), it was like 16 days.. if only I had kept it going..

Once I had around 4 or 5 months until she contacted me again.. when I get that far this time, nothings going to stop me :D

2.5 weeks for me. We briefly talked on Christmas Day. I asked and found out something's about her plans and whatever. Needless to say that hurt. I am doing a lot better now. I don't anticipate hearing anything from her again for a long time.

Watch, now that I said something, she'll call...

It has been 17 days of NC now for me. Everyday is different some days better then others, up and down like a roller coaster. I also feel like KC that I am a much better person now then I ever was with my ex.

Watch, now that I said something, she'll call....

It seems like that's what happens huh?

Every time you feel confident about yourself she ends up doing something like calling or contacting you.

I am on day 1, just met the her last night over coffee, the idea was to trash it all out, and give it another go, but I was less than satisfied with the smirk on her face when I tried to tell how unhappy I was with the way she treated me. Then I got it out of her that she had 'kissed' yeah right! Her ex boy friend. I know she is a bit damaged emotionally and she is using me as a pawn to get her old fella back. This is horrible I have been sucked back in SO many times. But like in AA its back to square one, Day 1.

I'm on day 6, it would be 2 weeks but I broke it to ask him who to give his stuff to. Its not getting any easier. Its like an emotional rollercoaster and I can't get off.

im on day 6, it would be 2 weeks but i broke it to ask him who to give his stuff to. its not getting any easier. its like an emotional rollercoaster and i can't get off.

It takes a long time before we can call it "easy." I had been doing NC forever, but had never been on a streak of more than 13 days. In the past five months, I never even went two whole weeks without contacting her... finally, I am on a near month now. So, it takes a long time to even stick to it... but once you do, it will get easier. You just have to think of yourself as a better person. Why should we be so stuck on people who don't care about us anymore? We are special too, so no more lusting over someone who doesn't care about us! They should be contacting us...

Just keep it up, it will get better, and easier.

I have come to the conclusion that counting the days like a prison sentence, is not a healthy way to move on from a failed relationship. It indicates that one's life is nothing more than an obsession with one person, it is a better idea to discard the count and just start living again.having said that I'm on day 5, still torture : )

Day 8, Im feeling a lot better then I was on day 1, and I'm getting better everyday.

I feel like counting the days you haven`t talked to the person you love/loved can only give you more self confidence.

Lets keep this going.. was on day 19, before I bumped into her..

What number are you on?

I'm on day 25 now, and doing a lot better than I was a few weeks ago, although I still miss her.

I was @ 114 until she contacted me in September.
Then I was @ 32 when I contacted her.
We had 7 Days of contact (and actually sleeping in the same bed)... then she went into the whole "I want to be alone" phase again.
I'm currently on day 4 now.

I'm on day 60... Doing fantastic! Feeling great! Trying to better myself everyday!

Day 23... can you truly heal if you still believe that she'll come back to you eventually? Is that what is holding me back? I do think eventually she will realize that she could have been better to me and that we were really good for each other, so I feel like declaring it over is only hurting me. Do I need to let that thought go?

@dlowell08:

I'm wondering the same thing, I think I'm still hoping that me and my ex will get back together. It's probably not a good thing to be nurturing that hope, I think it's just going to prolong the healing process.

DAY 23 is still EARLY.
LOG 90 days.
There will be a change then. It may be big or small. But healing takes TIME. Will they come back? It does not matter. Until you stop thinking about them you are gaining nothing from being apart. IF they are the right person - and this is NOT the case almost 100% of the time - then don't sweat it... it'll all make sense one day. The universe is funny that way.

I was @ 114 until she contacted me in September.
Then I was @ 32 when I contacted her.
We had 7 Days of contact (and actually sleeping in the same bed)....then she went into the whole "I want to be alone" phase again.
I'm currently on day 4 now.

IT'S OVER.
So you are on day... whatever :-)

Enjoy your new life.