Me and my ex boyfriend had been going out for 2 years at uni, we met each other via a chat uni room, then met up and within few months fell in love. He was my 1st I was his, he was loving, and caring did the sweetest things, but I wasn't sure back then I was young and was scared so kept aking myself if it was OK, I wa shappy though. We were fine for the 1st 6 months then kpt aruin and broke up but loads of times, the second year was the same, really good memories but kept reaking up, had a major break up in April but got back togther os we couldn't live without each other, I found out he kissed another gal couple months ago in a drunken night, at 1st I broke up with him but then decided to give it another try, we have a distance problem and seem to argue a lot more when we don't see each other, I kept brinign the kiss up as it had only been 2 months since it happened.

Finally he eneded it saying its not healthy, but I love him so much and 100% no he's the one, I begged for another chnace but he won't give it, I've stopped calling him he said to stop kidding myself it won't work, but I tink wer young thts why we keep arguing I reali want to be with him, what shuld I do sum1 help!

How old are you?

21

Learn from your mistakes.. and that's all you can do. Maybe in time you might have a chance but I wouldn't keep my hopes high.

No one can tell if he plans to take you back. How's his patience & consistency of thoughts? He's your first BF and learning is still there: like letting go of what happened, dealing with each other's quirks and maturity to deal the odds. At 25, men's need for space is still the greatest challenge I'm trying to learn.

In my opinion, he sounds firm with his decision to break up with you.

He's said we could be mates, but he needs time and space.

To get over me. I love him so much though, everyday I cry I feel awful and stupid

Is there anyway such as no contact or antythin that mite work I real undrtsand my problems I would never do them again

Yeah that's it NO CONTACT. Occupy yourself with other things. You're only pissing him more by buggin him everyday when he tells you not to.

When uni starts in sept wer onli living a cuple of houses away shall I wait to see if he comes to see me, how he hugs me etc then ill no wt u tnk

finally he eneded it saying its not healthy

The constant on/off aspect of your relationship suggests that he's seeing what you guys had for what it is. He then tells you to stop kidding yourself - I don't think NC is going to
Make him change his mind. Take this as a learning process and do NC for yourself.

So what no chnace? But its gone on for 2 years there must b something there,

is ther anyway such as no contact or antythin tht mite work i real undrtsand my problems i would never do them again

Don't do it again on your next relationship. You sound overbearing and insecure so work that out as well while healing.

-Change numbers, delete his numbers.
-Delete him from your pages.
-Hide his pictures.
-Dont read love letters.
-Box all the items he gave you.
-Be busy.
-Visit here a lot, you are not alone. As a matter, you'll get fed up with same problem as yours.

Just because there might still be something there doesn't mean that you guys should be together. This person is highly unlikely to be your life partner. You must take the first steps in moving on and letting go.

Just because there might still be something there doesnt mean that you guys should be together. This person is highly unlikely to be your life partner. You must take the first steps in moving on and letting go.

I couldn't agree more with Praginout. He had enough of you. 2 years is enough telling time if you he should hang on with you. Besides, this man seemed grew and you we're left behind, acting immature on little things.

I tink he is, I think he will come bk :(

I hate myself, I've lost a good thing.

i tink he is, i think he will come bk :(


finally he eneded it saying its not healthy, but i love him soo much and 100% no hes the one, i begged for another chnace but he wont give it, iv stopped calling him he sed to stop kidding myself it wont work, but i tink wer young thts y we keep arguing i reali wnat to be with him, what shuld i do sum1 help!


How long have you been "chasin" him?

Only 2 weeks

The most you can do is tell him WHAT you learned that you did wrong and how you see yourself changing your ways. Then it is up to him and you have to live and learn.

He cheated on me in June, so that's y in th least full blown aruement I bought up cheating, its onli been 2 months and I've onlie seen him once.

I don't want to tell him, because he's told me to leave him alone, and give him space. Ill onli tell him in September if he seems intrestsed still if not, then that's that I guess, does that seem OK?

He cheated and you're doing the chasing?
Hmm.. step out of your situation and look at it from an outsiders point of view
It doesn't look good does it?

I no but he was drunk he kissed naother gal but didn't have sex, I no its bad but I still love him, maybe ims tupid I don't no, I reali do love him I tink its my fault for being mean kept brinign it up but then its onli been 2 months, since he cheated,he said distance was an issue but I always went up2 see him, and he said the arguments wer too mch splititng up every couple weeks but we didn't mean to split if that makes sense, I'm so confused

Go No Contact (totally),



-Change numbers, delete his numbers.
-Delete him from your pages.
-Hide his pictures.
-Dont read love letters.
-Box all the items he gave you.
-Be busy.
-Visit here a lot, you are not alone. As a matter, you'll get fed up with same problem as yours.

Say 3 weeks if he doenst get back to you, kneeling STOP FOOLIN Yourself like what he said. Anyway, he cheated on you before. He wants the way out.

You no you have just made me realise he cheated on me that's a huge thing, I keep blaming myself, but reali I shuld have ended it the day he told me he cheated, I never cheated I deserve better, I'm guna blank him till uni, see wt happens, I believ it if its meant to be it'll happen, if he comes back ill accept him ill forget his mistake, and ill change but I just have to see now.

Good hold your head up high and move forwards if I were you I wouldn't look back either - even if he does change his mind.

Best of luck :)

you no u have just made me realise he cheated on me thats a huge thing, i keep blaming myself, but reali i shuld have ended it the day he told me he cheated, i never cheated i deserve better, im guna blank him till uni, see wt happens, i believ it if its ment to be itll happen, if he comes back ill accept him ill forget his mistake, and ill change but i just have to see now.


He's makin distance as an excuse to cheating,. Its normal that you will feel upset. If he's EAGER still to make things work, he'll be patient no matter how long it takes because your trust was broken and it takes time.

The truth is, he just wants the way out. And yeah he's right "It's not healthy."

Yeah if he is cheating and using distance and your problems as an excuse there is no hope that things will work.

Have you read the first four stickies in this section yet?
They are full of good advice from those who have 'loved and lost'.. they prove to you that you are not alone in this and that you will survive it.

Stay with us and we will help you get through this... BUT, please stop it with the 'txt' already.. we prefer reading proper words on this site - it makes it so much easier. Thanks.

Don't dwell on the '1st love' or the other kiss - that will only complicate things for you and you should be considering your education instead of making him the center of your universe.

We've been there, done that, and I promise, things will get better in time.
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It would also help if you made lists of the good things, and the bad things and see if the time that you invested was really worth it or if you deserve better. We never forget our first love, and that's normal... but it's not the most important thing in life. Keep your fond memories and go on with your plans for the future.

I know I keep going on I porbably sound like a broken record, but I love him so much and have realised all those petty fights were stupid those break ups as well, he cheated but he told me I shouldn't have bought it up within a month again. Before he dumped (final time) he said to me he loved your relationship how wed argue sometimes break up but always make up and he loved seeing thr smile on my face after. He even said he told him mum I was the one for marriage, I've been so stupid I've lost him for ever now, I don't think I will ever find someone as caring as him, he did the sweetest things at first like rite my name in the snow cook me dinner, why did it all go pear shape, I hate myself

You have to realize too that maybe it wasn't at all your fault. He very likely could have been planning on breaking up for somebody else but wants to pin the blame on you. You say he always liked the break up/make ups and now that is what he uses as an excuse for not wanting to work it out. Sounds to me he isn't being honest with you.

He swears thers no one else I believe him I can't believe he's doing this do you think hs doing this to see what other girls are like, I feel like texting him again but there's no point hell say its over can't believe you can't see it wasn't working.he said he wa splanning to split with me before but when he told me he cheated I split with him and he bugged me to te back with me, his stories don't match I'm left with my heart broken, I don't know what will happen in sept when we see each other, he's working in london where he's surrounded by 'nice' girls

I did text him saying that guys within my caste (indian) ar better, more caring and not likely to cheat just to make him jealous, that's when he had enough and dumped me for the final time, I didn't mean any of it,just say things sometimes and don't think, I want him and no one else.

Yea often when you say things just to sound more appealing it can backfire especially when it involves another guy(s). You should never play games to make a guy want you more.

I know its hard but you really just need to take a step back and take stock of what is actually going on. Playing games with someone in order to try and get them back never works and even if it did the relationship would simply not last because nothing was learnt in the first place.

You must keep yourself busy.. go shopping, bake cookies for 5 hours!
Do anything to keep your mind of him for a little while..
Don't be a doormat for him.

the thing is he always said x has a nice smile, x has nice legs etc so we both did it but never meant it. We met on a chat room, before uni, never wanted to meet him in person thought it would be doddgy then he went to school with my best mate, which is freaky and me and him bumped into each other, he asked me out I said no at first then I grew closer to him and fell in love. I keep thinking this is meant to be, its like god has set it up, I really want him back and everything to be fine, I hate myself I really do rite now and I am sorry for going on and on and on

When he dumped me before I blanked him then he would text back the next day saying it was a mistake, this time I have tried hard to get back and it seems to not be working, I undertsand he may never want me ever again but I wish I could wake up one day and there would b 5 texts from him saying sorry, he did not I've me enough time to deal with the cheat, as that same night I said to him I'm upset that ill be leaving you for the next few months as its vacation, he said distance makes the heart grow fonder, and that same night went out and kissed a girl.

Also we have done this all over the phone, I was meant to go and se ehim this weekend but obviously not now, do you guys think when he sees me back at uni he may change his mind? Sorry to keep asking but I'm young my first ever relationship you lot seem more experienced !

All you really can do at this point is tell him you are sorry for the way you talked to him and you feel it was the hurt in you talking and you meant nothing by it. You hope he can find it in his heart to give you two one more chance. Then it is up to him and you have to live with it.

I've done that already he said leave me alone I need space, to get over this. I'm leaving him alone rite now guess its early days few steps at a time, but I hope hell come back to me soon,

The past is a bad place to get stuck. Like nohelp says, just tell him you are sorry and give him his space. There is one thing that will drive him away faster than anything and that's constantly texting him, making bad comments, etc... If you want him back, give him his space and if it's meant to be, he'll return.

You all have made me realise I'm stupid thanks! He has dumped because he cheated, if he loved me really he would have understood that as I ahvent seen him since he cheated only once, that 2 months isn't enough to get over and rebuild trust when your partner isn't in front of you. It his loss not mine, at the end of the day I hope he realises this, I really felt like texting him this as he's putting it all on us not working and arguin when it was more to do with the cheating, and not enough time to recover, thus I said about the other guys that were caring because deep down I was still pissed off. Do you think I should text him something, I want him to realise, its not me, I don't think I want him back naymore, I've stopped vrying as well just want some justice what you think?

Sorry about the typos, some of my keys are weak.
*i ave stopped crying now

The greatest 'revenge' that you can have with your ex is moving on with your life, standing on your own two feet and becoming a happy/ healthy young lady. This is slightly more effective then putting your two fingers up at him :)

You're on the right track, you have reached the anger stage. The best part of the break up besides the fully healed because now you get serious about moving on and keeping no contact

Hey hon. Let him go. It's hard as hell and it will take time. But, you will grow and hopefully learn the lesson. Whatever you do, don't contact him. Go on about your own business, easier said than done. Trust the people here who are giving you advices.

sorry about the typos, some of my keys are weak.
*i ave stopped crying now

First, the typos... there is a spell-checker and it works real quick, try it.

Second, this relationship. OK, so this was your very first love, but you have had no other experience to compare to this by and we all make our mistakes in life and love, and we learn from it so that we don't make the same ones in the future. Life is not a Bollywood film and there is no standard recipe for handling rejection or pain. It's something we each have to learn to accept and handle on our own - that's what makes us human and molds us into what we later become as independent individuals.

Read the stickies.. read some of the other posts from people that have gone through the same issues and how they dealt with it. It will help you to understand that you are not alone.

So, stop wanting something that will only hurt you over and over again, and start healing and putting this in the past... move on.

We will help you go through the stages with advice from our own experiences in life, and you'll see, that in time, you too will get over it.

It does take time, though, so try as best as you can by keeping yourself busy and do some socializing without expecting to hook up with another guy any time soon... because you need the time to heal first and feel better about yourself.

Hang in there, and stay with us.

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Do you think I was harsh with the whole kiss thing, as he did not have sex was I OTT?
Although it was the same night I told him I was worried about not seeing him over summer.
I really think he was the one and I have let him slip away

Do you think i was harsh with the whole kiss thing, as he did not have sex was i OTT?
although it was the same night i told him i was worried about not seeing him over summer.
I really think he was the one and i have let him slip away

Yes dear, but that's just the way you thought you had to react... later on in life you will learn exactly what is important to you in a relationship.

I think you are just being a little unrealistic feeling he's the right one - just because he was your first. That usually never happens because in the growing up process and getting to know each other in a relationship, there are so many other things that you need to know about each other... and TRUST is one of the most important issues.. You don't know him long enough to have gained trust. It takes a lot of work on both parts, and not just in the physical position and you cannot get upset every time he talks to other people. He is not as serious about this as you are, so you need to take a step back and see what this is... your first love, but surely not your last.
Leave him space - and if he comes back, fine... if not, then get on with your life and accept it.

We’ve all looked back on past relationships and said, “What was I thinking”. Problem is, you were not thinking. You were caught up in the magic and the wonderful feelings of the moment that you chose to overlook that there may be trouble up ahead. SO... make a list of all the good, and then the not-so-good things you two have shared and learned about each other... see if the following words apply anywhere:

love, compassion, openness, trust, honesty, sincerity, attraction (including physical), shared feelings, similar values, passion, shared sense of humor, respect, faithfulness, dedication, compromise, harmony, friendship, curiosity, understanding, oneness. TAKE A GOOD LOOK! Oh, and when talking did you or he use the 'we' word or mostly 'I/me' words...

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Believe it or not, get busy growing, and learning, and you'll meet someone else, and have that much more experience, and can enjoy it better.

When people have relationships that continue to have problems it is best to walk away. Find teh person who will make you happy without having the drama. I have been mean to my guy and he has always forgiven me and we solved the problem within a hour or two. True love is forgiving and drama free.

My first big love lasted 7 years. At the end, it was done. It sucked. Hurt like hell. I wondered if id ever meet anyone again.

I did. I loved again. Lost again. Loved again. Lost again. Eventually I found my wife.

There is no ONE. No soul mate. No one perfect person. If I were wiped off the face of the earth thered be someone in the few billion people on this earth, that could make my wife happy.

Spending time on someone isn't enough to say "its meant to be". Some loves are meant for a time, not all time.

Loving someone doesn't mean its meant to be. I've walked away from two loves I just couldn't be with. Call it bad timing, fate, whatever. It was a big love, wrong time.

I wasted over a year on the first big love, thinking if I worked hard enough, did enough, hoped enough, that it would work out.

It did.

It worked out that over a year later I finally realized my head was up my arse. I needed to step away.

Even as I wanted to be with her, I needed to get the heck away. It was the best decision. Too bad I wasted so much time thinking that a big love with big connections to that one girl was all that there would ever be for me.

I loved a few wonderful women after her, and while I'm irritated by being so dumb as to hang onto a dead relationship, I'm glad I finally got a clue.

You need to live without him, allow yourself to go through the hurt that ALL go through at some point. It sucks. No fun. It gets easier in time.

But until you suffer through it, work your way through it, and then move on... you are just stalling your life.

Eventually that gets really, really boring.

Go out and have fun with friends or family. Do not worry about him. If you love him and he does not love you... move on. You deserve to be happy.

Well he's started contact again about general stuff even asked if I have a boyfriend but went on to say the next girl he meets he wants her to be the one...
Then once I text him to check if he was feeling better as he was ill he text bk saying I'm good thanks I thort that was fine then late at night he rang me out of nowehr to just chat. I'm cnfusd told me about his personal home issues too wts going on sum1 help

Speaking from experience, it will probably never work out. My ex cheated on me and we tried to make it work, but I was always bringing it up. We fought because I brought it up all the time and we spent a year trying to make the relationship work when it was doomed. Trust me don't waste your time on it. You're just going to end up stressing yourself. It will be hard as hell but in the end you will be happier and healther.

Yh thts all well and good but he did only just kiss a gal in a club in 2yrs done nothing else,and I just wanted to know what this whole contatcing thing meant anyone no...