I don't know what to do..

I'm 21, from Michigan... My boyfriend who is 37, who lives in New York.

I moved to New York because I want him in my life. He supports me and lets me stay with him because he wants me in his life.

I don't work right now, I don't have a vehicle to get to and from a job. He thinks I need a car, to feel more independent... Like if I needed something as simple as soda.. I could go by myself instead of waiting all day for him to come home from work, to get soda.

Well, I have a car back in Michigan. It would never make it here.. So, that's out of the question. I can't afford one either, I think he is thinking about buying a car that's reliable for me to drive. I would feel guilty for him to pay for something like that for me to use... He has a nice honda civic (stick shift, which I have no idea how to drive) that he is super protective over. Im not amazin at driving either... (Just imagine me crashing it or getting another ticket.. Or stuck in another snow bank! Lol) Anyway this isn't the problem, its part of the problem.

I just got off the phone with him.. He works from 6 am till whenever they finally let him leave... Tonight he prob won't be home till midnight. :( He is really sick of living like this, he has quit higher paying jobs for the same reason he hates this job. He never knows when he is coming home, and I can see how angery and depressed he is! Not only is it making him uphappy.. It is making US suffer. He is about to quit, or at least threatens it every working day and of course Sundays, When he realizes he has to go back to work. I want to help out, but we both know that I won't make much money. And with not having a car, he would have to drive me to work. He still says him driving me to work won't solve the problem.

Anyway, if you guys have read my other Question about my relationship not having any passion... I guess you can kind of see more of what I'm dealing with. We are great together, its just with his job.. we/he suffer. Indeed, for a couple we aren't normal. I don't have anyone friends or family here, and he isn't close to his (Age thing). The whole time I have been here, its been a debate to go home or stay in New York. I have to get a job! I have college payments coming up! If I get one here, there is no telling when I will get to see my family. And if I get one in MI there is no telling when I will see him again, with him quiting his job and working on his house (He wants to sell it. And move to another state.) But if I stay, I can help him with bills while he works on getting it ready. Even though a entry level job, doesn't pay much. He has never pressured me to pay for anything.

Sorrie, for that little rant. I just want to know how to become a normal couple! Does everyone in a adult relationship suffer like this at the beginning? You may ask why I came here so soon in the relationship, but Online relationships can't always remain Online. And we wanted to give us a fair shake at this. We have been together just over 5 months. I came here 2 months ago. Before I rode back with him to NY, he visited me 2 times. Its like $700 to just go to MI with driving or airplane. I guess, that shows what kind of dedication he has for me, and how much we are worth it to him.

How can I make our lives easier? How can I make sure we are doing all that we can?

You have to start somewhere by getting a job. It might be an ordeal in the beginning but at least you have something to look forward that you will own a car even if takes long.

You may also sell your car back in MI to add on your savings to buy another car or drive it all the way from your hometown.

Don't overwhelm yourself. Take one step at a time.

Get a job to start with.

The prob, well Is I don't technically own the MI car. LOL, mom and dad have 4 cars and it was just mine. Now that I'm gone my 17 yr. brother uses it. Till my 19 year old brother ships overseas and brings his new car home...

Yea, I need a job! Im not lazy, I like working. I think it will increase myself worth. :) It prob will be tough at first, but your right. It would be something to look forward to, owning my VERY OWN new car. I might have to find a bike or something in the mean time. He just thinks it too hilly of an area, and I wouldn't make it.

You are just 21 and bike won't look ridiculous for you. Your Bf should just encourage you since he can't buy you a car. Besides, using bike just to buy soda will save a lot of gas and time of wait.Good idea!

He has been dissatisfied with other jobs in addition to this one. He works long hours and dreads that he has to return to work on Monday. Why don't you both move, he finds a new job, you find an entry level one, and live near a bus, train or subway so that a car is not needed? With the price of gas, not needing a car is the way to go.

That's the plan, he wants to leave NY.

He didn't like prior jobs, and others have been worse then this one. It would be one thing if he had one place to report to, but he goes everywhere... from 2-3 hours away.

New York hilly? Which part do you live because the city is filled with buses and trains that I'm sure will be convenient for you.

Its not New York City. I haven't seen many buses to be honest. It is hilly, and beautiful.

You need to take this one step at a time. Thinking about everything, and trying to solve it all at once, is overwhelming. Before you start thinking about a car to get a job, see if you can get a job within walking distance. Maybe you can just get a scooter for now, and ride that to work until you can save for a car. Maybe you can take a loan from your parents to get a decent used car so you can get a job and start paying them back. There are a lot of options, just take everything one step at a time.

On a separate note, it is tough to move so far from home and live with someone who you haven't known for very long. It is stressful for you and no doubt him - it's a big life change. Be patient with him, or decide that it isn't going to workout, but don't hang on for the sake of hanging on.

We are really trying at this.. He always looks into my eyes and tells me how he thinks we must of done this before.. in a past life or something.

Yes, it is stressful. Im not used to being so far away from home. When I moved out I only moved 3 minutes away from home! Lol.

As for patience, we both try. He knows Im out of my comfort zone, and I him. We just want to see if having things a bit more normal will help. Cause at the current rate, it won't last. We both know.