Hi I hope you can help me out, I'm having a lot of troubles with my relationship :(

My girlfriend is diagnosed with OCD, and her obsession is with me, and that's what bugs me a little bit. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm happy being with her, but she constantly wants to be with me, and if she's not, she gets very lonely, and she CALLS ME CONSTANTLY.

She's your general "Phonoholic", and even when we are on the phone, most of the time, we barely speak. We basically listen to each other breath most of the time, and then when I say, "I have to go, I have stuff to do" she gets all clingy and doesn't want me to go, and then she blames me for not being very talkative about a lot.

And she calls at like 11:30pm at night to talk because she had a fight with her dad, and I might be asleep by then, and then she leaves a message like "I just fought with my dad and all I want to do is talk to you to calm down...you said you'll always be there for me...jerk!!" then hangs up.


Ok now let's move onto me, I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a form of Austism. From what I notice I seem to focus on one topic, which is filmmaking. Most of the time, that's all I can talk about, and when there's a different topic in the air, I can't always contribute to it so I usually stay quiet. If at all, I try to get in a word or 2, but most of the time I can't.

My mind likes to focus too much on my computer, filmaking, being alone, etc. and when she calls me constantly, it bugs the crap out of me. She ALWAYS wants to do something with me, and when I say, "I just want to be alone for today" (basically just to have some time to myself) and she doesn't get it, and it makes her think that I don't love her, and I do very much, but this is killing me. She has suicidal thoughts once in a while over that too.

Now I don't want to break up with her, I just want things straightened out. We seem to fight A lot as well. Like, at least one or two times a week, and this is making me VERY STRESSED... I've started smoking because of this! I want all of this tension to stop between us!

Please help me the very Best you can

Thank you

-Daniel_BT

FYI

We have spent time with each other many times before, but she kind of looks at it like we haven't at all

And when were together she's VERY happy, and she has told me at times she goes to bed crying, and I worry about that :(

Gosh, this sounds almost exactly like my first relationship... to a lesser extent. I wanted to spend time with him ALL THE TIME, and he thought we spent enough time together. I won't tell you to break up, but it was DEFINITELY right in my situation. To target the problem, I think you two might see the same thing in opposite ways. The reality of my situation was, we went to school together and were in 2 of the same classes, and we would go to a movie or something either Saturday or Sunday most weeks. For my ex, he viewed it like he saw me 6 days a week, and one day (sat or sun) he would be by himself and do his own thing. I saw it like he was only making an effort to spend time with me for a few hours one day a week. You can see how I thought we weren't spending enough time together and he thought we were. I imagine both of you being diagnosed with disorders would only contribute to the situation. Maybe you could sit down with her and talk it out. Tell her straight up it bugs you that she can't spend a couple hours without talking to you, and maybe she can tell you how it bugs her that you don't seem to put forth effort to see her. Maybe you can work it out to where instead of going to a movie (where you sit next to each other and never talk), you go to dinner and talk more, or do something special, where even though you don't spend more time with her, she knows you spent some time thinking about what you were going to do to make her feel special. When they say it's the little things, they're not kidding. Maybe you could call her sometimes (I know that's one thing I hated, how I was always calling him, and if we were going to see each other, I had to initiate everything). Figure out where you both are, because I don't think y'all are there yet. Good luck.

It sounds like she has a lot of issues.

If you're not happy with her being so clingy, you need to tell her that. Yes, she'll cry, but she needs to learn that you BOTH need your space. Its important, as is communication. If you can't talk to each other its not going to work out.

You need to set boundaries for her and have quality time when you are with her.
Boundaries: Do not call me after 11 pm, If you don't have anything to say keep the call short like 5 minutes, do not call me more than once per half hour,

Quality time: You do not be on the computer, playing video games or other things when it is her time. Try to make a flexible set amount of time for her.

Tell her that you are trying to be understanding of her OCD and you NEED her to be understanding of your Asperger's

Tell her that you are trying to be understanding of her OCD and you NEED her to be understanding of your Asperger's
Had to spread the rep, but I think you both have to give some and take some for this to really work. You both have issues, but don't we all. I think the key is to talk to each other, and work together, to deal with both your issues. That's what defines a good relationship.