My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago, and I find myself stuck somewhere between getting over her and moving on, and stagnant wondering what I feel about her (i.e. do I care about her? Is she worth this or that?)

My problem is that I feel okay being on my own. I mean I am successful, I have many things, but I cannot see nor appreciate them at this point. My whole focus is the break up. I can't find the happiness that I once had before I met this girl. In all honesty, before I met this girl I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I had a vision of who she was, and it seemed like a good fit, I thought we could make it. But, over the period of our relationship she managed to strip all of that away, and here I am.

I've lost my confidence, my peace of mind, and it honestly feels like my emotions over this whole thing are running my life.

I haven't spoken to her in a month, and I don't intend to. I can hold my guns on that one. I go to the gym and work out, I am successful at my job and really enjoy it. However, my days are filled with thoughts of her, and what we had. The part that gets me the most is that I struggle with my emotions each day. "I care about her so much, maybe I'll call her" to "What the H*ll are you talking about, you should be glad she's gone!"

Lately it's come to the point where I drink to stop thinking about it. Anything that reminds me of her, or our relationship makes me want to drink. I know that I could stop at any time if I want (Mind you, I have never been a drinker until I realized after having a few for fun, you can actually experience a brief moment of not thinking about them.)

Now it's come to the point that every time something comes up that I can't handle (pertaining to the relationship) I choose to go and grab a beer! I know this is not good, and it's definitely not a path I want to create. I just need some honest help getting over this!

I know the whole "Hang with friends" "Talk with friends", but my problem is that I only have a few select friends, and most won't even talk to me about it! They tell me "Man up!" "Forget about her!"

I can't find activities I can enjoy, because a lot of the ones around here I don't!
I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do! I tell myself "you can handle this" "Just deal with it, and move forward" but I never abide by my rules, and I end up just sulking and feeling sorry for myslef! Since my ex and I have broken up, I have seen her once. Today!

Maybe that is where all of this is coming from (seeking shelter in the knowledge and suggestions of others?) Either way, I was out today and I saw her drive by. I can't even begin to explain all of the emotions I felt at once! Anger, betrayal, care, loving, missing, wondering if she saw me, hate. Then I tell myself all of the opposites of those feelings! "Oh, you miss her, you care about her, give her a call" "You despise her! Remember all of things she has done to you!"

I'm just really confused, nervous, and just having an overall tough time dealing with this.

If anyone could offer me some great advice, I would greatly appreciate it!

Welcome to Ask Me! At this point nothing and no words can ever mend your broken heart. Just time and that's it. We'll all I can just share is to visit here a lot, read other people's story, THE NC CALENDAR, BREAK UP TOPICS, listen to advises of the same story, you'll see you are not alone much luckier and definitely not the first time who got hurt.

Dude, I feel for you. I've been there... more than once. When my first girlfriend dumped me long ago, it was horrible. I was useless and almost flunked out of school. I would just sit on my bed and veg for hours doing nothing. It took pretty much a whole year before I can say I started to get over her. But I did get over her. That old cliché of time heal all is indeed true though when I was going through the pain, I never thought it'd subside. If I have one advice to give, it is that continue NC! I prolonged the agony in my case by constantly breaking NC (of which she didn't mind since she liked all the attention). If I kept NC, I know I would have gotten over her quicker and have kept some of my dignity.

You might have all the answers right in front of you dear, but you are not applying them to yourself.
Get out and do something new, even if you don't think it might interest you, you never know until you try. Go swimming after work, watch a lot of comedy (that usually helps distract), and change things around in your place so that they won't constantly remind you of her. Even change the color of your curtains if you have to, at least it is creating a changed atmosphere and that's what is important. Also, try not to fill your fridge with a six-pack (purposely make sure not to have it at home) so that you have to go out to have a drink - which might get you to go to new places to meet new people.

Other than that, stay with us and we will help you through the rough parts as best as we can. Read the first four stickies on the relationship section - you'll see that you are not alone.. and remember, it takes time and you should use it well and constructively.

Talk to you later..
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Dude, I've been there. Man, have I ever been there. See thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/break-ups-booze-32578.html

You'll stop drinking when you feel less of the pain. After my worst break-up, I was just one month away from taking my qualifying exam for my phD. She left me at a bad time. But I focused on the work and passed my exam with flying colors. But after that, I felt pretty empty and found my way to the bottle.

The worst part of drinking is it's like having sex with someone you regret having had sex with. It's the morning after, when you wake up. Even if you're not hung over, you're usually more depressed because the alcoholic high is gone and reality is back, and maybe with a splitting headache.

What you're going through is natural. Honestly, you just have to ride it out. It will go away. And keep hitting the gym and working hard. That is all very good stuff. What you're going through can only really be solved when there has been enough time that has passed.

Keep your chin up and TRY NOT TO DRINK. The misery does end. It really does. Good luck.

--Cali