I really need some advice here... I can not sleep for I am so worried about things... My Father has been remarried for 7 years now... He married her after knowing her six months... When he met his wife... She had 2 daughters... 12 and 14 years old... three years ago.. my Dad adopted them... fine.. I am 31 now and I am a very proud mother of a 21 month old son... My sister.. who lives very close to me.. Has two small children too... I also have a brother who is staying with my son and I now... I have to begin by saying that I love to watch my Father interact with my son and his other grandkids.. It makes me feel that it is a way I can make him happy... but it is almost impossible to have a stable relationship with my father because of my Stepmother... My Dad wouldn't even come to my sons first Birthday Party because my Mom was going to be there... My parents were married 27 years and are now both remarried... My Mom is a classy lady and would never dare say anything to my StepMom or my Dad if they were to come to a family event.. still they will not.. So one thing.. My Dad will not come to family events that involve my Mom or her family... So OK.. I can sort of deal with that one... Next... about 3 years ago I was using My Dad's phone... and when the person on the other end of the phone asked me where I was.. I said "Dad's house".. My stepMom freaked... she said I should have said Dad and Deanna's house... So... ok that started world war 3... Basically My dad takes up for his wife.. and I bite my lip as much as possible... 3rd problem.. I like to consider myself an educated woman and really dislike the n***er word... well my StepMom uses it like it is nothing... actually the word makes me want to vomit.. and I do not want my son exposed to it... she thinks it is funny to say it on front of my sister and I, for we dislike it so much... 4... and I am leaving out so much... but just keep in mind... I have been trying to keep the peace because I love my Dad so much... (btw my Dad has had 2 heart attacks since he has been with her).. Ok.. This happened tonight... so My brother has a Myspace page.. and I guess on that page he says "I love my Mom and Dad..sisters..nieces..nephews..ect"... Well... back when My brother first started his account.. he did not know how to navigate around the computer so much... so I helped him start his page... but I did not write that.. he has since learned the ropes and does his own thing.. nevertheless... My Stepmom called tonight in a frenzy... Apparently her 18 year old daughter got onto Myspace and noticed that My brother had a headline that said "I love my mom and dad"
SHE FLIPPED... she said I know you helped him do his page... and I said I do not know what you are talking about... so I asked what was wrong.. she says... YOU... nor your brother... NEVER put MY husbands name next to your MOMs... dont ever call our house again and never call me again.. she freaked out... I had to calm down for a second.. and think of what had just happened... Ok... there are too many bloody things in this world to be worried about... I just found out today my son needs an extensive hearing evaluation.. and she is flipping out because My brother claimed to love his Mom and Dad.. to make matters worse.. I called my Dad.. and he was mad at us too.. he said "Cody should have known better than to write that" WHAT??
My Dad has gone mad... actually what the heck is My Stepmom teenybopping around Myspace for anyhows?
Regardless... My Step Mom is whacked.. and my dad takes her side... btw My step mom is only 2 years older than me.. but she looks like she is 60... she smokes and sleeps all day..
My Dad is an educated man.. and well... He puts up with her.. and I am so tired of not saying anything... My stepsister graduated from high school back in June... she almost did not graduate.. yet still got a huge party and all that stuff... btw My Dad bought her a new mustang... Ok My stepmom did not finish high school... and her one daughter got kicked out... the other... graduated with the lowest score possible... 2 days before my sister graduated... My Aunt.. Dads sister passed away... took us all by shock.. but My Dad.. sister,brother and I had to travel to KY to be with his family... this meant nobody was going to be able to attend My step sisters graduation... well.. My stepmom was furious.. she was texting my father.. I can't believe you guys... Tiffany is so hurt you are not here to watch her walk... are you friggen kidding me?? My phone was dead.. so I used My Dads.. and that is how I accidentally saw the text messages my Step Mom was sending my Dad... It killed me.. Here the Man's sister died and he is getting grief.. My aunt was a beautiful person... and it was very difficult for us all to lose her... I did not even tell my Dad that I had seen the text messages.. I just kept it to myself... My Mom and Dads three kids... Well we got in trouble for Bs... My sister and I both graduated at the tops of our class.. and we both paid for our own college...
My Dad makes half a mil a year and has nothing to show for it now.. his wife and stepdaughters show for it though...
I do not say anything to my dad... I just try to keep my mouth shut
But I am tired of it.. I know he loves us.. but he takes up for her even when she is crazy... getting Mad because My brother said he loved his Mom and Dad... WOW... WHAT can I do?? Oh.. and My Dad will give my sister and I secret money sometimes.I do not like taking it.. but he insist... and I certantly do not ask for it... but rule is.. Deanna can not know... I need help with this one... I am losing My Dad... and He is going to end up Dying like this... This is killing me... My stepMom is a hound for Drama... she is a mean and evil person... Oh.. I forgot to mention that I have chosen to raise my son as a vegetarian... My StepMom boast about how when I was not looking she fed him meat.. Isnt that like beyond disrespectful?? and nobody can stop her... What do I do? How do I sever ties with a man I love more than anything? She loves money and boy does she have it... She is killing my Dad and getting rid of his kids... She informed me about a year ago that she has begun trust funds for her two daughters.. yet they do not get them until they are 30... K... ummm... wow... I do not want t trust fund... but WHAT?? My dad met this lady at a 7-11... she was a cashier there.. and he used to stop in her store and get coffee... so.. um she has never worked a day since she has been with my Dad... and her kids... well... they aren't exactly good kids... I mentioned the one got kicked out of school... well she wrote about a girl being a whore on a wall at the school... both of her daughters are the type that do nothing but make fun of people for their looks and so forth... umm.. that one thinks she can smoke around my baby.. the few times I have been to my dads... she lights up right around my kid... Ok... I keep going on and on and on.. but I am finally at my wits end... Please Help me someone
Thanks

Sounds like the type of person that I say their biggest problem is a broken finger nail when everybody in the room is trying to deal with a real catastrophe they are crying about their nail and nothing else matters. Unfortunately it is your dads decision to put up with her and let her live in her shallow self centered world and as long as he is happy... nothin' you can do about it. I know when people like her are on my last nerve I put them on the only bother with them as much as you can deal with. But then again that can still be hard because they are like a lose cannon that you don't know what to expect next.

I feel bad for you and your son. Your dad slips you money (take it!) because he feels guilty. I'm sure he knows what's going on with his new wife, but for some reason he acts helpless. Maybe he's afraid she will leave him. He sounds like a nice guy, but a passive one who won't put his foot down even though intellectually he knows he should have a long time ago.

If I were you, I would avoid Deanna as much as possible. She has taken the family's finger and is now going after the whole hand. The only person who can change the situation and put her in her place is your dad, and I don't think that's going to happen.

I feel like it's hard to control drama, inevitably SOMEONE is bound to feel like the victim. I just think that it need not be you. Keeping your point of view without PARTICIPATING w/ anyone's disapproval or disdain is KEY in keeping out of the drama itself. Just be a good daughter, as you've been... be polite to the step mother, (you need not involve yourself w/ any of her issues), and be focused on your child. Things will fall into place once everyone sees that you are no longer a participant in the drama. Just keep out of it. It's not easy, but it's not worth it to keep this going... just bail! Keep positive. Be positive. And definatley do not say anything that will be involving of yourself. If you have nothing nice to say to all these drama peeps then say NOTHING. I think you can do it. You seem so sweet...

Holy crap... I have pretty much your same problem... my stepmom is a horrible drama mama and has taken my dad for all he's worth, and he's got nothing to show for it. He's tried to control her (not like a controlling husband, more like trying to keep her from making an @$$ out of herself), but she just keeps on, and he's too passive to do anything else. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you get advice here that seems to help, please let me know. I know the whole, just be nice to her and stay out of the way, but that's a horrible way to live when people you love are being hurt and living in misery. Best of luck.