Hi. My name is amanda and I am 16 years old. I have a boyfriend that is 18 and already people have a problem with that because of our ages. Well I want a baby really bad and I'm thinking of getting pregnant on purpose. My dad said he would kill me if I got pregnant but I know he would just be pissed. My mom is understanding and we are close. She is there for me no matter what. I am mexican and our family believes that when you get pregnant you have to keep it. No abortion or adoption. So that makes me happy. I don't believe in abortion anyway.

Well I need some help. Should I get pregnant or is it just not the best thing to do? I hate my father and my parents are going to get divorced. My dad would be better about the situation later on.

I really want a baby. I love kids. Please give me some advice.
Thank you.

The worst thing you can do in your life right now is have a baby, you are not old enough to support and take care of a baby, You need to grow up and learn to take care of yourself first. Having a baby does not get you out of a single problem you have now, it only adds more to it.

Wait two or three years at least

Its hard to wait. Iunderstand I'm young but this is something of my own. Its hard to explain but... this would make me really happy.

It is not the best thing to do.
If you are in Bakersfield California the age of consent is 18 (last time I heard)
And he could be arrested for statutory rape of a minor
And have a record the rest of his life
And be put on Megan's law where he would not be allowed to even contact his child.
Wait two more years.

I know many girls who felt just like you and then the novelty wears off and they leave the baby up to grandparents to raise

Ask yourself if you're financially ready for a baby? Are you emotionally ready for a baby? At 16 getting pregnant isn't the best thing to do. You have a lot of years before you have to grow up and take that kind of responsibility.

Why not have a baby when you're really ready and that way it'll be a happy time for your parents instead of them getting mad.

If you really want a baby, take up babysitting. That way you can experience the kids and at the end of the day you can still go hang out with your friends.

You will find few people who would suggest getting pregnant on purpose at 16 is a wise decision. So much can, and will, happen in the next several years. Yes, I know there are exceptions, but the odds are that you and your boyfriend won't stay together long term. It is just a simple fact that as young people grow and mature, they don't always grow in the same direction.

Obviously having your famiy's support would make things much easier for you if you did have a baby. Do you plan to finish school? Do you know how you would do that? What if you and your boyfriend weren't together after baby was born... could you support yourself? Do you know what it would cost for baby items each weeks, child care, doctor visits, etc. Could you really give your baby the best life you would like to at this point?

Consider this very carefully... are you thinking more of your baby's well being, or are you thinking more of what you want? Having a child means making sacrifices and putting your child's needs ahead of your wants.

If you know you would be better able to be the kind of mother you would like to be, and provide the kind of life you would like to be able to for your baby if you waited, finished school, had some money put away, a good job, etc. might be better to wait awhile longer and see how you feel about it in a couple of years or so at least.

I am not financially ready, no. emotionally, yes. Babysitting is a good idea. I just still want to do it for me. I am so confused and I have so much on my mind. I'm really stressed out right now. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll check into babysitting but I'm still thinking about having a baby of my own.

its hard to wait. iunderstand im young but this is something of my own. its hard to explain but... this would make me really happy.

Get a puppy. If you can take care of and afford THAT for 2 years, then you and your boyfriend can THINK about a baby--and at that point, he wouldn't go to jail because you "wanted something of your own".

Honey... a baby isn't a "something", it's a "someone", and your posts really indicate to me that you aren't ready for someONE who screams back at you and throws her toys when you're already having a bad day, and your boyfriend is no help because he's out with the guys, and your father won't have anything to do with you, and your mom just looks at you like she's disappointed in who you are.

Grow up yourself, first. Only YOU can make you happy--no one else can, not even a baby. ESPECIALLY not a baby.

I have a puppy right now. He just turned 1 year old. My boyfriend doesn't have a lot of buds to go out with. His best friend just got married and doing his own thing. My boyfriend is totally there. He has a good job. Makes good money. Has a car and house. I think we could do it.

Babysit first. I started babysitting at 12 and I'm 24 now and I know I'm not ready for kids.
What happens when you're 18 or 21 and want to go out with your friends on a Friday night and can't find a sitter for your baby and your parents won't do it because they're disappointed that you got pregnant so young. You may think you're emotionally ready, but I'd take some time out and babysit as many kids as you can. Infants, toddlers, preteens, all the age groups.
If you're in America watch the show on Wednesday nights on NBC called Baby Borrowers. There is a wake up call for you.
Are you emotionally ready to have sleepless nights with a colicy baby? What happens if you're child has severe medical problems and you don't have insurance to cover it? Babies are expensive, and time consuming and you have to give your whole self to them. You can't give them away when you're tired of them.

I do plan on finishing school. My mom loves babies. She is an ob tech at the hospital. So she delivers them. She wants another but she can't have one. She would love to babysit for me during the day. She works nights anyway. So that could work. I do think of the child. I woulndt be completely stable but I think I would survive.

its hard to wait. iunderstand im young but this is something of my own. its hard to explain but... this would make me really happy.

The parts that I highlighted are the parts that scare me. It would make you happy. You want something of your own. This is all about you, not a baby, this hypothetical child already has two jobs and it's not even here. It has to make you happy, and it's something that will belong to you.

Love kids, work with kids, babysit, these are all good things to prepare for motherhood, but not at the age of 16. What's the harm in waiting? Why are you in such a hurry to be a mom and be tied down for the rest of your life?

Finish school, get a good job, find a great guy (it might even be the guy your with, it can happen), get married and then have a child when you are financially and physically ready to support it, and when it's no longer coming to this earth for you and your happiness.

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, it requires selflessness, not selfishness, at the age of 16, this is not something you are ready to do.

Good luck.

Why would you want to bring a child into instability? Put yourself in a child's situation, would you want to be raised in a chaotic unstable environment? Or would you rather have a parent that was ready for the RESPONSIBILITY of being a parent.

Have you ever held a job or any sort of responsibility? If your boyfriend freaked out and left because you got pregnant could you support the baby at all?

I understand about the financial part but what about w.i.c. and other associations that teens can get into for help?

Why would you want to bring a child into instability? Put yourself in a child's situation, would you want to be raised in a chaotic unstable environment? Or would you rather have a parent that was ready for the RESPONSIBILITY of being a parent.

Have you ever held a job or any sort of responsibility? If your boyfriend freaked out and left because you got pregnant could you support the baby at all?


Yes she can, because she's not going to raise it, her mom is. Sorry, sarcasm, actually no, not sarcasm, anger.

OP, the fact that you think that mommy is going to raise your baby, you're going to finish school and everything is going to be peachy keen, shows your immaturity. You are not ready for a child, that's the bottom line. You say you'll make do, you'll survive, well, you can do better than that if you wait until you are older and ready to bring a child in to the world.

I know, your 16, everything is wonderful and beautiful and there's no problems that can't be fixed because everything will work out for you. It'll be magic, the bad stuff that happens to other people will not happen to you, because you're you. Honey, I remember that, and boy was I wrong, I guarantee you will be too.

Most of us here are older and wiser, because we've been through our teens and lived to tell about it. Some of us made mistakes, others learned from our mistakes and didn't repeat. Take our advice, because we know, not think, that this a bad idea. Really, dig deep, yes we are old, in your eyes, but maybe, just maybe, we know what we're talking about, nes pas?

i understand about the financial part but what about w.i.c. and other associations that teens can get into for help?

Wow, wow, wow. Really? Okay, all the optimism that I had for teens today just got flushed down the toilet.

So, you want to have a baby, then go on w.i.c, so I get to pay for your baby. Hmmmm, let me think, nope!

If you cannot afford to have a child and take care of it without assistance from anyone, then don't have a child!

Those programs are for kids that made a mistake and accidentally got pregnant, I don't want to pay for their mistake either, but at least that I can justify, a bit.

You want to get pregnant on purpose, because you want, want, want, what you shouldn't have at this age. Can't afford it, don't do it. Now I'm mad!

You need to grow up before you bring a child into this world. I am not going to pay for the things you want!

Good luck.

That gives you your basics, but what if your child needs clothes? Babies grow up fast and need a lot of things. Do you want to stay on welfare forever, or would you rather be proud of your accomplishments and support the baby yourself?

And I agree with Alty, I don't want to pay for your baby either. WIC and those programs are for teens that got pregnant accidentally, and I can see paying for them. But my hard earned tax dollars SHOULD NOT be going to a teenager who wanted a baby. I want a lot of things, like a Maserati, my car paid for and my student loans paid for, but guess what? They're not, and the tax payers aren't giving me that. I have been working since was 16 to pay for EVERYTHING I own myself. I don't get 1% of what I WANT.

How about this:

Get your high school diploma. You can NOT get a job (or, in some states, go to college) without one.

Get a job that makes you be out of the home for 8 hours a day. Not a fun job--just whatever pays the most and has the best insurance. At 16, I doubt you could make more than $7.50 an hour for 40 hours a week--IF you were allowed to work that long. My husband and I don't have kids, and we make $75k between the two of us---and STILL have problems making ends meet sometimes.

Babysit. Babysit a LOT. Have every one of your meals someplace where you will be interrupted constantly and never get to eat your food warm, drink your coffee hot, have time to do your hair or makeup (if you can even AFFORD makeup! ).

You say you have a puppy--that's GREAT! Now... do YOU pay for your puppy, or do your mommy and daddy? Did YOU put up the money to have it spayed/neutered? What about shots? Puppy food? Could you afford, right this instant, to have your puppy go in for emergency surgery that costs upward of $6000? WITHOUT your parents to help?

I want to become a parent more than anything. The difference between you and I, though, is that I can AFFORD a baby. How could I possibly recommend that you do something that would have you on public assistance (housing, food stamps, WIC, etc) to raise YOUR baby, when your tax dollars aren't going to get ME a baby? Why should I, with my tax dollars, support you and your child when I don't have a child myself because the taxpayers won't pay for IVF? As far as your boyfriend being great and sticking by you and making great money--great money is what? $25k a year? And he won't be making that kind of money when he goes to jail for statutory rape, sweetheart.

Waiting a couple years won't hurt anyone at all. Get YOUR act together first before gambling with a baby's life.

Synn, still have to spread the rep, what the heck? I agree 110%, couldn't say it better than that, too mad. Bravo, great post, that will probably fall on deaf ears. But we gave it a shot, that's all we can do. Hppefully some of what we said will sink in. We can hope right? :)

You are thinking of you and what you want, what will make you happy.

Don't go into something this important with the idea that you will be able to rely on anyone else... not your parents, not a boyfriend, not government assistance. When you can truly take care of ALL of your child's needs... now and in the future, then you will be in a better place to consider having a baby.

Focus on what you can do to get yourself to that point. Make it a goal... you are going to be the best mother a child could want, you will be able to provide all the things they you would like them to have, you will do all that you can to insure they have the best quality of life.

You want to be the best role model you can for your child, and that starts with how and why you bring them into the world.

I apologize to all of you for my immaturity and selfishness. I am really stressed out right now and I guess this was just a way to show it. I do want a baby but I can wait. It is the right thing to do for me and for the baby's sake. I will do like some of you said and start taking some babysitting jobs. That will be a great way for me to learn more about babies. And as well I'll have the joy of being with kids like I want. I never really thought about all the downfalls to bringing a child onto earth. From reading the responses I got from all you caring, wonderful, and thoughtful people, it opened my eyes and made me think. Once again I am very sorry. Thank you all for your patience and taking your time to help and save me.

Sincerely,
Lover Girl
Amanda Coogle

Develop a better/closer relationship with your boyfriend and in time you will both know when it is the right time.

I apologize to all of you for my immaturity and selfishness. I am really stressed out right now and I guess this was just a way to show it. I do want a baby but I can wait. It is the right thing to do for me and for the baby's sake. I will do like some of you said and start taking some babysitting jobs. That will be a great way for me to learn more about babies. And as well I'll have the joy of being with kids like I want. I never really thought about all the downfalls to bringing a child onto earth. From reading the responses I got from all you caring, wonderful, and thoughtful people, it opened my eyes and made me think. Once again I am very sorry. Thank you all for your patience and taking your time to help and save me.

Sincerely,
Lover Gurl
Amanda Coogle

This made my day---thank you very much for responding!

Another thing you can do, if you find after babysitting that you really like to be around children a lot, is to look into a career that works with children. Finish high school and go on to college to become a child caregiver, or a teacher (we need so many men and women who love kids to guide children in our schools!), a child psychologist, a social worker, a foster parent---the ways that you can work with children and give them your love and your help are endless.

I sense that you have a lot of love in you to give a child--you just need to wait until you are more stable financially and emotionally yourself to have your own. And remember--ALL children need love, and while having your own child is special to YOU, giving love to children that are desperate for it is special to THEM, and can change their lives.

I apologize to all of you for my immaturity and selfishness. I am really stressed out right now and I guess this was just a way to show it. I do want a baby but I can wait. It is the right thing to do for me and for the baby's sake. I will do like some of you said and start taking some babysitting jobs. That will be a great way for me to learn more about babies. And as well I'll have the joy of being with kids like I want. I never really thought about all the downfalls to bringing a child onto earth. From reading the responses I got from all you caring, wonderful, and thoughtful people, it opened my eyes and made me think. Once again I am very sorry. Thank you all for your patience and taking your time to help and save me.

Sincerely,
Lover Gurl
Amanda Coogle

And my faith in teens has been restored. This post made my day, heck, it made my week, possibly even my month. I'm so glad that you read what we said and listened.

I don't know what to say, you've left me speechless, that's not an easy thing to do. I wish you all the best in the future, and I'm very optimistic that your future will be great.

Dare I say that I'm proud of you, or does that sound too much like a Mom? :)

hi. my name is amanda and i am 16 years old. i have a boyfriend that is 18 and already people have a problem with that because of our ages. well i want a baby really bad and i'm thinking of getting pregnant on purpose. my dad said he would kill me if i got pregnant but i know he would just be pissed. my mom is understanding and we are close. she is there for me no matter what. i am mexican and our family believes that when you get pregnant you have to keep it. no abortion or adoption. so that makes me happy. i dont believe in abortion anyways.

well i need some help. should i get pregnant or is it just not the best thing to do? i hate my father and my parents are going to get divorced. my dad would be better about the situation later on.

i really want a baby. i love kids. please give me some advice.
thank you.
You are not understanding of the fact that a baby doesn't love you, they don't have the capacity to make you happy. They are separate tiny humans that require 24/7 care. After staying up for days on end with little sleep from a crying or sick baby you'd learn the hard way that deciding to have a baby at the age of 16 is a huge mistake. I had my first at 18... I learned the hard way. Don't make that mistake!

Just to let you guys know, I have looked into some babysitting jobs and there are some around where I live. I hope to get started soon. I'll let you know how the babysitting is going. Thanks again.

Sincerely,
Lover Girl
Amanda Coogle

You are not understanding of the fact that a baby doesn't love you, they don't have the capacity to make you happy. They are separate tiny humans that require 24/7 care. After staying up for days on end with little sleep from a crying or sick baby you'd learn the hard way that deciding to have a baby at the age of 16 is a huge mistake. I had my first at 18...I learned the hard way. Don't make that mistake!


Please read all the prior posts before posting. It is not wise to post without all the information at hand. This situation has been resolved.

Thank you.

Just to let you guys know, I have looked into some babysitting jobs and there are some around where I live. I hope to get started soon. I'll let you know how the babysitting is going. Thanks again.

Sincerely,
Lover Gurl
Amanda Coogle

That's great, I can't wait to hear how it goes. :) Babysitting is a great way to get first hand experience with kids and make some extra money too. I think you'll really enjoy it. :)

I am not a parent yet, but I have done a lot of babysitting. I also want to have children I am married and me and my husband are not able to have children naturally. Although I am in college and am 8 years older than you. Even after I get done babysitting I need a break! It is a full time job that requires a lot of financial support. Something you may not be ready for yet. As bad as I want a child I know I have to wait to adopt or do fertility treatment until I am out of school because I know it is best for the child. You really need to decide if you are ready to give up all of your fun times to deticate everything to that child. Something that you will not get back at your age! Those times when you can be carefree. Enjoy it! It only gets harder!

hi. my name is amanda and i am 16 years old. i have a boyfriend that is 18 and already people have a problem with that because of our ages. well i want a baby really bad and i'm thinking of getting pregnant on purpose. my dad said he would kill me if i got pregnant but i know he would just be pissed. my mom is understanding and we are close. she is there for me no matter what. i am mexican and our family believes that when you get pregnant you have to keep it. no abortion or adoption. so that makes me happy. i dont believe in abortion anyways.

well i need some help. should i get pregnant or is it just not the best thing to do? i hate my father and my parents are going to get divorced. my dad would be better about the situation later on.

i really want a baby. i love kids. please give me some advice.
thank you.
I just read the last of the conversation that was had between lover girl and the other users. I have to say we have to give her some credit for having the guts to even looking for suggestions. I know some teens would just act first then ask questions later. At least she knew to ask questions first before getting herself in trouble. And even more for listening to them! Also... all users I think everyone did a great job maybe helping this young girls future.

I had my first baby at 16, and it was the hardest thing I ever did, I had to give up so much stuff, I gave up my friends who promised to be there and help me, and they slowly stopped coming around and me and my new boyfriend at the time raised my daugther and his son, we stuggled a lot we had two kids in dipers and on fomula, and now my daugther is going to be 2 and our son is going to be 3, and we are pregnant again with twins. I know we may stuggle again but we are ready. We have bought a house and we both have cars, and we are able to pay for our bills and food and childcare, and clothes and any thing our kids need, and it is a very hard life to live as teen parents and I would recamend it to any one who could advoid the situation.

I had my first baby at 16, and it was the hardest thing I ever did, I had to give up so much stuff, I gave up my friends who promised to be there and help me, and they slowly stopped coming around and me and my new bf at the time raised my daugther and his son, we stuggled a lot we had two kids in dipers and on fomula, and now my daugther is going to be 2 and our son is going to be 3, and we are pregnant again with twins. I know we may stuggle again but we are ready. We have bought a house and we both have cars, and we are able to pay for our bills and food and childcare, and clothes and any thing our kids need, and it is a very hard life to live as teen parents and I would recamend it to any one who could advoid the situation.

You are the exception, not the norm. I'm so glad that you made it work, you sound like a very mature young person and a wonderful mother.

Thank u very much, but it did take a lot to become the mother I am today, I stuggled a lot and lost a lot, I was a very popular cheerleader and I played sports, but after I became pregnant I lost all of that I lost my teen years to be a mother, and I really would do it all over again but I wouldn't tell any one to do it just because they think they want a baby, it surely wasn't walking around showing off this beautiful baby girl, it was sleep less nights and a lot of stuggles.

Wow, you are super super young and in my opionion to young for a baby, but that's just my opionion. Look into volunteering at a Children's or women's shelter, YES I said volunteering, you don't get paid for it just like you don't get paid for having a baby! Also a baby cost A lot one box of diapers is $20 that probably won't last a week so approx. $100 just in diapers a month, the you need rash cream, wipes, powder and that's all just the lower half!! One can of formula cost $20 and you will need at least 2 per week! $160 just for formula, then the baby needs toys, clothes, a house, a/c, heater, water, all those things cost money too and what about a nursery at least $300... I know your thinking well I';ll have a baby shower but you don't get showers every time you need something!!

You really really need to think about having a baby! What does your boyfriend say?

Wow, you are super super young and in my opionion to young for a baby, but thats just my opionion. Look into volunteering at a Childrens or womens shelter, YES i said volunteering, you dont get paid for it just like you dont get paid for having a baby! Also a baby cost ALOT one box of diapers is $20 that probably wont last a week so approx. $100 just in diapers a month, the you need rash cream, wipes, powder and thats all just the lower half!!! One can of formula cost $20 and you will need at least 2 per week! $160 just for formula, then the baby needs toys, clothes, a house, a/c, heater, water, all those things cost money too and what about a nursery at least $300...I know your thinking well I';ll have a baby shower but you dont get showers everytime you need something!!!!!

You really really need to think about having a baby! What does your bf say?

Please read all posts before responding, this issue has been solved.

Thank you.

Thank you Altenweg. You have been a big help and thanks to the rest of you wonderful people for giving me advice. I just wanted to let you know that I looked into babysitting and sent some emails out to a few mothers who need it. Hopefully I hear from them soon and I'll be on my way to learning motherly ways. I am excited and ready to get started. This will be a great experiment. Oh, and by the way, I caught an episode of the baby borrowers and it was really cool. That is a great way to get the parental feel for every age. I would totally do something like that but for now babysitting is what I can look forward to. Well I'm going to go for now. I'll drop in again and tell you how the babysitting is going. Thanks again to you all. Bye.

I'm so glad that you are looking in to babysitting. I hope that you get your first babysitting job soon and that it all goes well. I'm so glad that you are on the right track (once again I'm sounding like a mom, sorry ;))

Keep us posted, touch base with us, just let us know how you're doing, what you are doing, how it's going.

I really am proud of you, I know it's mommish, can't help it, you give me hope. :)

NO. You should definitely NOT have a baby at 16 on purpose. You are not ready for a child at this age. Yeah, you may think "Oh I can handle it"... Or it'll make you feel secure and happy. But, no. No way.
Babies are extremely expensive, extremely time consuming, and not always fun. Completely stressful. You cannot do it on your own.
You would have no time for you.

Why are you even asking this question if you are turning down all the amazing feedback you are getting and not listening?

Do you want a baby because you want attention?
Because that is the opposite of what will happen.

llamb... read the previous posts. This issue's been resolved. It's over.

I'm 14 and pregnant your older than me so I think you got a better chance at
Making it happy I am happy about having my little girl but If it was up
To me I would go back and stay a virgin my boyfriend is 17 and he left
Me because he has bigger plans if your happy with having a baby no one can stop
U but just relize what your getting yourself into don't let other people stop u
From being happy with one you love

I'm 14 and pregnant ur older than me so I think u got a better chance at
Making it happy I am happy about havin my little girl but If it was up
To me I would go back and stay a virgin my boyfriend is 17 and he left
Me because he has bigger plans if ur happy with having a baby no1 can stop
U but just relize what ur getting urself into don't let other people stop u
From being happy with one u love

Not only was this issue resolved but the thread was started in July 2008!

Please do not reopen old threads just because. Also, please read all the posts before responding.

It's great to search for other threads that pertain to your question, but there's no need to post on them unless it's pertinent.