I hope somebody can help me. I have an elderly mother I care much about, but I´m afraid she has serious mental health problems and it´s affecting the whole family.

I have wonderful nieces and nephews and fostered a couple of them. We all went on a trip this year and had great fun - including my mother - until she got a terrible panic attack in a town we were visiting. She kept screaming and saying she was going insane and scared the children out of their wits. I got us all into a taxi, got us to the hotel and then called the doctor. My mom refused to see him at first, but I didn´t take no for an answer and forced her to see him. Her blood pressure was alarmingly high and the doctor saw immediately that she was suffering from a full blown panic attack. She was under medical care for the duration of the holiday.

She had episodes like that in the past when I was growing up and has always been very dramatic. But with age, she´s getting worse and this weekend was ruined again by another panic attack. We were in a public playground with the kids and there was a pond nearby, and she thought the kids would drown there - for no reason. She started screaming and shouting again and wouldn´t stop until we all got into the car. Needless to say, people stared. And it´s awful for the children.

I really don´t know how to deal with this situation. She won´t take medicine for her condition and refuses to see another doctor. My siblings are aware of the situation, but they either avoid the issue or snap at her when she goes too far. They refuse to talk about it.

I have asked her what is going through her mind when she starts screaming like that, and she admits it´s irrational. That´s all. I fear she might have a real mental illness and I have no idea how to deal with it.

Violet

You just might have to explain to her that it is getting too hard to deal with so you are afraid you are no longer going to be able to take her on outings.
Does the doctor think the high blood pressure and the panic attacks are directly related?
Maybe changing her diet to foods that help lower blood pressure would help
She could try some chamomile tea
Lots of garlic and fresh fruits and vegetables might help too.

Thanks so much for replying to me.

To answer your question about the blood pressure and the panic attacks, the doctor confirmed it was directly related. He had her blood pressure checked for a whole week and it was fine when she got over the panic attack. We had a nurse coming in three times a day and the doctor suggested a change of diet, as well as medication she refused to take. He also recommended a follow up with a doctor when we got home and regular therapy sessions with a psycologist. My mother has refused all of these, but I think she really needs medication.

Her condition may be linked to a difficult change in her life. She has just moved in with a relative who has five children and there is scarcely room for her. That was one of her rash decisions and not a good one. She told me she feels awful there and now regrets not having accepted to live with either me or my brother. We both offered her to come live with us as we are both divorced. I don´t think she can stand another move at her age and we are both settled in our own homes now.

I don´t know what to think right now, but I sincerely hope I can help her.

Violet

If she feels cramped that could contribute to her 'edgy-ness.

I will look up some stuff and if I find anything I will post it later.

You may need to gently tell her that if she does not take the medicine, all outings will end, not only for you, but for her well being. Also, it may be in her best interest to move from where she is living now to somewhere else, either with you or your brother, or even (I do not know if she can live independently or not) a highrise for the elderly, if she requires supervision, maybe assisted living will be more appropriate for her. I do not know if you are from the US or not, but if you are contact you local office of the aging, they will help you either find a better place for her, some even offer adult daycare for her to get out and spend time with people her age. Hope this helps.

Violet31,
Thanks for sharing your story. My situation is similar in that my mom needs help but refuses. She was actually taken to a mental health facility last week but they could only keep her for two days. She does not take her insulin and has lost feeling in her feet, hemmoriaged (sp?) behind her eyes, and has almost gone into a coma twice. I don't know where to turn. She has also started forgetting things and is very mad at my sister and myself for trying to get her to get help. She is a hoarder and is about to lose her house and I am so scared for her but also so tired of all of this as it has gone on for my entire adult life. If you find any help, please let me know.