My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 4 years, since we were 16, and have an active sex life. The only problem is we don't have anywhere to have sex! We both live with our respective parents, as we are both at college and cannot afford to move out at least for the next year or so. Both our parents are quite strict and even though they probably know we are having sex they would go mad if they walked in on us. We generally have sex in his kitchen, but we are both listening out for his parents in case they come in, which means that sex can be really fast and we end up having to do a lot of standing up positions which isn't that romantic or fulfilling. We do have sex outdoors, which can be thrilling at first but after a while it gets very unconfortable. We have both become very frustrated with this, and we do love each other very much and want to make this work. We have had sex on his bed while his parents were on holiday, but these chances are few and far between. What can we do?!

Not sure if this will help in your situation but if you have a car and income
Instead of spending money on little dates save up some money and go to a hotel/motel every now and then
Or go camping for a weekend. A small tent isn't all that expensive and you can most likely find some really nice camping places within an hour or so drive.

You're both in college, and there's no place to have sex?

What about the dorm?

you're both in college, and there's no place to have sex?

what about the dorm?


We both live at home, we don't live on campus.

Sounds like you want to have sex lying down and have plenty of time.

Probably have to get a job, waiting tables is good, and rent a hotel or motel room.

Also, you can pay an acquaintance to use his college dorm or off_campus housing room.

Thanks, I don't know why I didn't think of that before. Well give that a shot. :)

Sounds so romantic, sex in the kitchen listening for mom to walk in.
*** don't invite me over for lunch, I do hope they wash the table off.

What ever happened to the back seat of the car like the days when we were young/

No Drive-in movie theaters. Actually there is one about 50 miles from me.

My drive-in is about 3 miles west and another one about 5 miles east :D

If you had a car you could go on dates:D :D :D :D

It's disgusting to have sex if someone else's kitchen! Egh.. glad I don't live there lol!

Do you have a lock on your door? If not get one.Invite him over when your parents are not home turn the music on and go at it!

Keep your clothes on until you can afford your own place. If you aren't in a position to do that then how can you cope with a pregnancy if that happens.

Love has nothing to do with uncontrollable urges to have sex. That's lust and hormones which are totally unrelated.

Keep your clothes on until you can afford your own place. If you aren't in a position to do that then how can you cope with a pregnacy if that happens.

Love has nothing to do with uncontrollable urges to have sex. Thats lust and hormones which are totally unrelated.

Ok let's be realistic. They're 20 years old. Everyone is always all "blahblah, sex is bad, blahblah" but here in the real world, sex is a natural, healthy thing. You say that love and lust are totally unrelated but that's a total load of bollux if I've heard one. Especially at 20. If you're "in love" with someone but have no sex drive, then there's probably something wrong.

But on the other hand if it is all lust and no love then there are problems down the road when the lust wears off and all they have left is somebody they do not want to be with because they mistook lust for love.
BUT that is only something THEY can answer. We are not in their shoes/OR their kitchen table :D

Ok let's be realistic. They're 20 years old. Everyone is always all "blahblah, sex is bad, blahblah" but here in the real world, sex is a natural, healthy thing. You say that love and lust are totally unrelated but that's a total load of bollux if I've heard one. Especially at 20. If you're "in love" with someone but have no sex drive, then there's probably something wrong.

Really... I'd love to knock the bottom out of every good looking woman I see... and I see a lot. Does that equal love? Not hardly, that's hormones.

I've been married for 17 years... I love my wife. But my life doesn't revolve in having sex every waking hour with her. Why, Love does not automatically = having sex. Yes I do have sex almost every day. But I have a job and I own my own house. I don't mooch off my parents.

Anyone that thinks it does isn't emotionally mature yet.

They are 20 and don't have full time jobs obviously because they both are still leeching off their parents. At 20 you should be working or in college. Otherwise keep your pants on.

Look at it this way. They have sex in the car (do they even have a car or do they use their parents car too), she gets pregnant... who is going to pay for this if they can't even rent their own place. And yes that happens every day.

Want a ticket into lifelong poverty... have a kid (or kids) before you even have a job.

You have a good point, however, even if it is just lust, they are still entitled to have sex. She herself stated that they love each other very much and want to make it work. And you're going under the assumption that sex = lust. However it does not. Sex can either be lust, or one's way of showing someone how much you care. It's the ultimate communication of love, and to be deprived of that can be frustrating in the least. The solution then, is not to "keep your clothes on," but to find a way around it so that you can express yourself.

EDIT: She state that they're living with they're parents, but that they're in college- don't assume they're "leeching off their parents." Why are you assuming that she's going to get pregnant? For all you know, she could be packed full of contraceptives. They're healthy young 20 year olds who have been together for four years. Telling them to keep it in their pants until they're done with college, have a job and are moved out is really kind of absurd. And yes, on many occasions people engage in sexual intercourse strictly out of lust, but why does this have to be one of those cases? Your argument is based on assumptions and therefore faulty.

You have a good point, however, even if it is just lust, they are still entitled to have sex. She herself stated that they love each other very much and want to make it work. And you're going under the assumption that sex = lust. However it does not. Sex can either be lust, or one's way of showing someone how much you care. It's the ultimate communication of love, and to be deprived of that can be frustrating in the least. The solution then, is not to "keep your clothes on," but to find a way around it so that you can express yourself.

EDIT: She state that they're living with they're parents, but that they're in college- don't assume they're "leeching off their parents." Why are you assuming that she's going to get pregnant? For all you know, she could be packed full of contraceptives. They're healthy young 20 year olds who have been together for four years. Telling them to keep it in their pants until they're done with college, have a job and are moved out is really kind of absurd.

That's another problem... they are not entitled to anything. They aren't supporting themselves yet. If they were it would be different. There is this entitlement mentality of young people that ticks me off sometimes. You are entitled to have a CHANCE to pursuit of life and liberty... you are not entitled to do so on someone else's dime.

If they are in ciollege they still aren't supporting themselves. Few kids bear the full cost of college on their own. Most are living it up at the expense of their parents life savings.

I stand by my comment until they have jobs and have their own place and are self supporting they are not entitled to anything of the sort.

Anyone that has sex does so with the knowledge she CAN get pregnant. Unless one of them is sterile it can happen, The Pill is 99% effective. What does that mean? Have unprotected sex during her fertile period time and 1 out of 100 women are going to get pregnant statistically... condoms are less effective. That's not insignificant odds. Only idiots and children ignore the risks before they act.

Want to end a college stint real quick... get pregnant. Life happens. So do children. College and kids take up far more hours in a day than exist.

Oh I get it now, having money makes one entitled to have sex. Foolish me. I forgot the prerequisites to sexual activity.

Let's reverse the roles. There are situations in which the parents can no longer afford to support themselves, so one of their children takes them in. Oh well gosh, they're not supporting themselves so I guess that means they can't have sex. But I suppose you would say that's a different situation.

Why should one's ability (or lack thereof) to engage in sexual intercourse be related in any way to his financial status or with whom he lives?

And of course there's always a possibility of pregnancy, but if one takes the proper course of action to avoid it, that chance is low. She didn't say, "o hai my boifrend and me want to hav lyke unprotected stupid sex theres no where 2 do it lolololol helpz?" You're acting as though all young people are mumbling imbeciles. There's also a chance that one will get hit by a car while crossing the street. Well then! Until you can afford the hospital bills that would ensue, the obvious solution is just not to leave the house.

Oh I get it now, having money makes one entitled to have sex. Foolish me. I forgot the prerequisites to sexual activity.

Let's reverse the roles. There are situations in which the parents can no longer afford to support themselves, so one of their children takes them in. Oh well gosh, they're not supporting themselves so I guess that means they can't have sex. But I suppose you would say that's a different situation.

Why should one's ability (or lack thereof) to engage in sexual intercourse be related in any way to his financial status or with whom he lives?

And of course there's always a possibility of pregnancy, but if one takes the proper course of action to avoid it, that chance is low. She didn't say, "o hai my boifrend and me want to hav lyke unprotected stupid sex theres no where 2 do it lolololol helpz?" You're acting as though all young people are mumbling imbeciles. There's also a chance that one will get hit by a car while crossing the street. Well then! Until you can afford the hospital bills that would ensue, the obvious solution is just not to leave the house.

Having money has nothing to do with it... being responsible does. And they are not yet supporting themselves thus are not responsible enough to be doing this.


When they pay their own way, and thus pay for their mistakes then by all means.

I see a welfare mentality here... like they are entitled to have as many kids as they want and its everyone else that has to support them or we are being unfair to them if we suggest they get off their butt and work to support them.

I have to work for every single thing I have... until they do the same they have no entitlements.


They are entitled to have a Porsche if they work to pay for it...

They are entitled to a Beverly Hills Mansion if they work to pay for it...

I don't see a right to have sex when and where they want anywhere in the Bill of Rights... Perhaps if they point out where it is because I missed it.

Until they grasp the responsibility that comes with having sex and its repercussions then they aren't ready for it.

You're all about the assumptions, aren't you? She's not saying she wants to have kids. She's not saying she wants to get pregnant and then dump the consequences on their parents. She's asking for a solution to her problem of a lack of a place to have sex.

Lord knows hardly anyone can afford college anymore, so I think that by staying at home and attending college rather than running up the cost by insisting on living on-campus, she is being responsible. They're in college and that costs a pretty penny. Only the filthy rich can afford to pay for college and not have it put a lovely dent in the bank account.

Why do you assume that she's not willing to accept the responsibility? I'm sure she's well aware of the risks that come with having sex.

Birth control is not a 100% guarantee no pregnancy.
Everybody doing it does not make it a good idea.

They have a right to enough privacy for sex when they can pay for it on their own--if that's a hotel room, an apartment, a picnic table, I don't care.

They are NOT entitled to enough privacy for sex in their parents' homes. ESPECIALLY if the parents would lose financially if she got pregnant--and one way or another, they would, whether that is the loss of college when one or both of them drop out to support the kid, or whether they pay for the kid while THEIR kids are finishing college.

As far as "being packed full of birth control" goes---I got pregnant while on the pill, using a condom, and using a spermicide. Yes, I was using them correctly. So--birth control or not, babies happen.

As far as FINDING privacy--well, I really suggest getting jobs, even part time, to pay for a hotel outing once a month. Or--learn to mooch off your friends for occasional privacy at THEIR places.

I am well aware that birth control is not 100% effective. Nothing in life is. Nothing. I'll repeat my crossing the street scenario: there's a chance that one will get hit by a car while crossing the street. Well then! Until you can afford the hospital bills that would ensue, the obvious solution is just not to leave the house. Looking both ways is not 100% effective.

Really... women never get pregnant on the pill or when guys use condoms? And your proof of this is what? We have prominent posters and moderators on this site that had kids under those exact conditions.

Are they working full time? Are they paying for their own apartment... not mom and dad, not a scholarship.

Until they can pay for everything where do you think the money for a kid will come from... add in the fact they will have to drop out of schiool to support and raise the kid. College is a full time job without distractions.

I'm willing to bet you never went to college knowing you had to do your best knowing you had student loans to repay, or a GPA to keep to maintain your scholarship.

Yes I've had friends drop out of college with bills to repay because they got knocked up...

And here they are are whining about not having a place to have sex that is doing absolutely nothing towards their goal of getting good grades and finishing . Sorry, no sympathy here... I've been through it myself.

Anyone that was truly mature would understand that the negatives outweigh any benefits 100 : 1 in this situation.

The fact they have an active sex life is proof they have a place, the problem is a safe, comfortable spot to have sex, and until they can afford it, they have to make due.

When they get a dime they can do it where the WANT!

Do you live in the city? Or the country? Or somewhere in between?

I live in the foothills so desolate hill sides with beautiful views were never too far away... a few blankets, pillows, and whatever else you liked would make for quite an experience ;)

Oh dear Lord... what a simple post and yet some people's panties are all bunched up.

To the OP... I think your question is more rhetorical than real... you certainly know that you can get your own personal space but choose to live at home for realistic reasons. Still, its your choice. When in college and feeling like I was being too "trapped" after a semester spent at home I moved out.

It was great for me and great for my parents.

That's not to say you should move out... but really... when you live at home you accept some things. The security of a home, often at a discount or for free, and the demands and constraints of being in close quarters with others.

I know you aren't going to like this statement, but your parents most likely have been having sex for years around the stress and strain of "being caught". Nothing like a child in the house to take the spontaneity out of intimate moments.

If that icks you out, I guess I'm sorry. A tiny bit. Not very much tho'.

So... you choose what you want and that is that.

Its fine to save money by staying at home. Its fine to "buy your freedom" by renting a place. Your choice. You are an adult.

So what to do? Choose what you want most... financial support or sex whenever you desire in your own private place... and then take action.

Nobody is going to rail you one way or the other... just understand you are an adult now and you get to choose what you want. Most choices have strings attached when you rely on the support of others.

So what to do next is up to you.

Whatever you choose... you accept. You don't get to whine and moan about it (not that I think you are now)... you are in a transition phase where you have the support of the home and you want the freedom of cutting ties.

Next move is yours. You own it.

Really.....women never get pregnant on the pill or when guys use condoms? And your proof of this is what? We have prominant posters and moderators on this site that had kids under those exact conditions.

Are they working full time? Are they paying for their own appartment....not mom and dad, not a scholarship.

Until they can pay for everything where do you think the money for a kid will come from......add in the fact they will have to drop out of schiool to support and raise the kid. College is a full time job without distractions.

I'm willing to bet you never went to college knowing you had to do your best knowing you had student loans to repay, or a GPA to keep to maintain your scholarship.

Yes I've had friends drop out of college with bills to repay because they got knocked up....

And here they are are whining about not having a place to have sex that is doing absolutely nothing towards their goal of getting good grades and finishing . Sorry, no sympathy here.....I've been through it myself.

Anyone that was truely mature would understand that the negatives outweigh any benifits 100 : 1 in this situation.

Who claimed that women never get pregnant? Did I miss that claim? Because I know I didn't make it.

Bet away, buddy, because that's a bet you'll lose. I am well aware that I'll have plenty of loans to repay, and a GPA to maintain. I'm no idiot, but thank you for your concern.

She was not whining, for the record. That's a problem you elderly have: when ever someone is unhappy with a situation you claim they're "whining," and refuse to listen and/or give them a listening ear. Instead you go off on rants about how things "should" be, because that's how you think things should go down.

The fact that you think having a comfortable sex life will keep her from being a successful college student is indicative of the fact that you have a one track mind. Perhaps you might not be able to maintain a decent GPA and a decent sex life, but you'd be surprised how many people can.

That is why I gave smoothy a greenie he submitted the post the same time as you explained that.
Like Kp said they are not looking for a debate if they should or shouldn't \
She wants some ideas on where.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 4 years, since we were 16, and have an active sex life. The only problem is we dont have anywhere to have sex! We both live with our respective parents, as we are both at college and cannot afford to move out at least for the next year or so. Both our parents are quite strict and even though they probably know we are having sex they would go mad if they walked in on us. We generally have sex in his kitchen, but we are both listening out for his parents in case they come in, which means that sex can be really fast and we end up having to do a lot of standing up positions which isnt that romantic or fulfilling. We do have sex outdoors, which can be thrilling at first but after a while it gets very unconfortable. We have both become very frustrated with this, and we do love each other very much and want to make this work. We have had sex on his bed while his parents were on holiday, but these chances are few and far between. What can we do???!!
Uhhhhh... get a room.

Okay, I've had a bad day, and I've had enough.

If you can not play nice and be courteous to each other, I'll just close the post, pending a PM from the OP.

Agree to disagree or whatever--but be nice about it.

THere are two paths they can take... get a job and rent a room, drop out of school so they can do this full time. And be condemned to flipping burgers at McDonalds or working an exciting career as a Greeter at Walmart.


Or they can study and focus on college work until they graduate and find a job.


Success takes many sacrifices and lots of hard work... or they can take the easy path (with low wages). It's a free country. The choice is theirs. As is the full responsibility for the costs and consequences.

Basically I do agree with Smoothy in that wrong decisions can end up with serious consequences MANY years later.
I got married when I was 28 I always thought that you get married and the guy works to support (mostly) [back in the day] and you work together on a marriage. My pay lasted month to month. After I got married I found out that my husband could not keep a job more than a few months. I ended up having 4 babies --2 while I was on birth control. I kept telling myself things will get better we just need a good break from things going wrong.
I ended up divorced and 4 babies that I could barely afford and never was able to get child support because he would go in and tell them he had mental problems that prevented him from working.
Then children services took my 2 sons and lied for 4 years to keep me from getting them back.

My boyfriend now went through hell for making a bad choice in relationships too and is still suffering the consequences. He got married. Had a son. His wife got him fired from a really good job because she kept calling his work constantly. Then he ended up divorced and paying child support to his parents because they adopted his son before he got the chance to get his son himself. Then years later his sister kept getting him arrested so that she could steal money off their dad while he was in jail. The money was from his child support payments. He is still paying arrears and his sister has a nice car out of it. The police and Judge even finally realized what was up and apologized to him.
So even something we think we need now is not always what is best for us in the long run.

Sex anywhere sounds thrilling to me!

Honey get a job and move out. I'm in college and SURE don't live at home! Or stay in a dorm! Or get a job and rent a hotel every once in awhile... come on now there are lots of options. Put that college education to use and start actually thinking!