I'm 24 and was dating my first serious girlfriend for 7 months. In the beginning I got cold feet and broke up with her a couple of times because she seemed so sure I was the one, when I was just finding my way and feeling new emotions. As time grew on, I realised I did feel the same way and fell completely in love with her to the point where I was on the verge of asking her to move in but was waiting for the right moment. During this time, she started working in a bar at the end of my street which meant I was staying up until 2pm most nights to let her in to stay the night.

This started taking its toll on me and I got into trouble at work for falling asleep, so I told her that I wanted to catch up on sleep for a couple of nights and didn't see her for two days. In this time, she was texting my sister in law, telling her that she felt unloved and sent a message along a similar lines to me. I just thought she was feeling a little down so I said "don't worry, I'll see you tomorrow". The next day, I went to her bar after work and she was so pleased to see me, and she stayed the night at mine after work. But just as we went to bed she got a text from one of her workmates and started smiling and texted him back. I was asking what we were doing at the weekend and she said she was busy with friends and work stuff. So I asked her to stay the next night, but she "was sure she was busy with something early in the morning".

On Sunday I got a text saying "this isnt working I just want to be friends". Turns out she had been on a date with her workmate that day and then slept with him a few days later.

One week on, she tells me she loves him, one month on she is moving in with him. I stopped all contact with her after 2 weeks, but every time I did that, she would contact me.

So what is going on? I really miss her, really love her and am really worried about her. At the same time, I hate how she's treated me and jumped into this serious relationship and know that I probably couldn't take her back.

I cried every day for a month, and have been miserable ever since. It's just the 2 month mark now and she texted me "happy birthday" the other day.

Is she on the rebound? Did she leave me for him, or decide to move on because I'd hurt her feelings? I just don't understand what happened. Was it because I broke up with her near the start?

Why are you looking for reasons to blame yourself? She cheated on you, and even took a text message from the guy that she went out on a date with while she was in bed with you! and then slept with him too. This is her problem, not yours. If you take her back at this point, she knows she can and will do it to you again, and then where will you be?

Go back to no contact, and part of no contact is not accepting or taking her calls or texts. Don't answer your phone, and don't listen to her messages. You can't move on if you keep on doing that.

The "lets be friends" thing never works. She can't have her cake and eat it too. Sounds to me like she is playing a lot of games with you, and you are letting the blame rest on your shoulders. Try and find someone that is worthy of your love and respect, and forget about her. The more you let her control your thoughts, the more control she has over you. You will meet someone that loves you back, and won't play silly games.

Good luck, and smile! She will be a distant memory not too far down the road.

I would not trust going back with her. If she can run to somebody else so easily then the least little thing you do she could go running back to them again. She choose to go with him because you needed time to yourself.
When she calls you should tell her that it isn't going to work out 'being friends' because you loved her too much to look at her as just friends.

I would not trust going back with her. If she can run to somebody else so easily then the least little thing you do she could go running back to them again. She choose to go with him because you needed time to yourself.
When she calls you should tell her that it isn't going to work out 'being friends' because you loved her too much to look at her as just friends.

I had to spread the rep, but exactly.

Dude, if she finds someone else because she is feeling unloved because you need your sleep in order to keep your job... well then that is just selfish and shallow, and she was only thinking of what she wanted!

Move on and find someone that will at least realize that she cannot be the center of your life 24/7

I partly blame myself because I wasn't great to her. I made mistakes along the way because she was my first proper girlfriend.

The thing that hurts the most is that she never told me she was ever unhappy and only after we broke up she told me how I made her feel ugly, fat and worthless. Maybe they're just excuses for her to justify ending it to herself.

I was always honest with her to the point of being brutal. I HATE lies so much and I just feel totally betrayed by the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

It just feels so sudden especially by the fact that she was with me one day, and with this other guy the next day. I went to talk it over with her a few days later and she told me that she thought I hated her and when I told her I loved her she said she was "so confused" and I told her to think it through but in the end she said it was too much to think I loved her when she thought I hated her.

And she seems to have gone crazy with this new guy - moving in with him after 1 month and saying she loves him so quickly. The annoying thing is that she still sees my sister in law regularly and I know they text each other all the time.

And I have to walk past her workplace everyday.

The way I like to think of it is that we just drifted apart when she started her new job, and because the relationship started on shaky ground it wasn't strong enough to last.

I'm really scared for her because she's jumping into this new relationship so fast that if it doesn't work she'll get really hurt and then might come running back - which will leave me in a very awkward place.

I've never done break ups before and I've probably done and said all the wrong things the same as I did all the wrong things in the relationship.

But if she loved you she would be there working through things WITH YOU.
Not running to the arms of somebody else crying victim first little chance she got

She said she gave me so many chances, but she didn't actually tell me what I had done wrong. It's just a big mess.

I must be getting better though, because I bore myself speaking about it now. And I have no desire to text her anymore.

I just got back from holiday and that has helped. I think I'm having a minor relapse today because reality has hit me a little bit again.

Everyone make mistakes, so you sure don't have the corner market on that. She however, seems to be making excuses for her behaviour, and just doesn't sound to me like she is worthy of your trust!

If she is the type of girl that will move in with someone after only one month, then all that shows is she doesn't give herself time to sit and think about her decisions. She doesn't seem to care that she hurt you, and then gives you a line like she can't accept that you loved her because she thought you hated her. That is the biggest line of Bull Crap if I ever heard one!

She knows your feelings for her, and is manipulating them, and you are taking the bait! If and when (and trust me she probably will) she comes running back to you to cry on your shoulder... RUN! Don't let her play you like that, and do not let her manipulate your feelings.

Have more confidence in yourself, and yourself worth. It sounds to me like you are a straight up guy that doesn't like lies, and yet you are putting up with hers. You deserve better!. no matter how much it will hurt for awhile.

You will be the one that is hurt again in the long run, and she will go on to her next affair.

She said she gave me so many chances, but she didn't actually tell me what I had done wrong. It's just a big mess.

I must be getting better though, because I bore myself speaking about it now. And I have no desire to text her anymore.

I just got back from holiday and that has helped. I think I'm having a minor relapse today because reality has hit me a little bit again.

We all have those days... don't sweat it! ;)

It almost sounds to me like she has had a thing for this other guy for awhile and was just looking for the first excuse she could find to pull what she did.

This is your first, so don't be so hard on yourself, and know she is really full of crap, but that's not your fault. Chalk it up to experience, and put this behind you, as we all have to learn sometime, and some way, about coping with ourselves and others.

The first thing to always remember is, just because we are intensely attracted to some one, doesn't mean its love, nor that a person who says it to you, may not mean it, or not know what it is . Love is a powerful word, and an intense feeling, that leads to actions in healthy people, so hearing it, and seeing it in action, are two different things. Take more time, and see the difference next time, and there will be a next time.

A while ago she was at mine one night, but went home with a sore back and I asked to go with her but she said she needed to sleep it off. Apparently that night, this guy texted her and turned up at her door unannounced with chocolates to cheer her up which made her "feel special". So something had been happening a while.

I guess because they worked so closely together they formed a bond, whilst I was only seeing her intermittently. He told her one day that he really fancied her, but she told him that she wanted me, which is fair enough. Obviously she couldn't resist though.

I think she had feelings for both of us and was faithful until I hurt her. He was obviously there being all supportive and that.

At least I know when I broke up with her at the start it was for the right reasons. I was confused and sat her down and told her that I didn't want to lie to her and hurt her and so I couldn't keep seeing her. But she took that to mean that I hated her.

She sent me a text saying that it wasn't working, when she was actually seeing a guy from work, so basically told the biggest bunch of BS she could. At least I can walk away knowing I have a spine and good heart.

I guess in some cases Life is a box of chocolates
I think she did you a favor in dumping you.

You'll think I'm mad, but I txted her today in an experiment.

I said "You were right to end it. We couldn't give each other the 24/7 attention we both needed"

This lead on to her telling me that she took the bar job purposefully so we wouldn't see each other too much to prevent her scaring me off again because I had told her I wanted to take it more slowly.

She says it still hurts, but it's in the past and it's painful and she really misses me sometimes. I think that tells me a lot about her new relationship. i.e. It is a rebound and she isn't completely over me.

In a weird way, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one hurting.

It also reinforces that she was playing games with you, instead of taking the communication route. You can probably also take a little pat on the back, because the other guy will be gone in a flash too, and then she will really be crying in her beer! ;)

YouTube - There's A Tear In My Beer - Hank Williams Jr. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkwEsflMqWc)

(just trying to cheer you up! ;) )

Thanks :-)

She said she wished we could be friends. I can't see that happening though. I had no idea break ups were so tough. I am struggling 2 months on. I just feel so lonely right now.

This girl obviously likes to play head games, so why let yourself be her victim? It's a vicious game of how far can I dangle hope in front of him and rip it away for him to still stick around? You deserve a lot better, just because you ask for sleep she runs and finds the next guy to wrap her legs around? Seriously, she never had plans on being a faithful girlfriend, fiancé, wife. Be glad this douchebag took the basketcase off your hands and no longer is your problem. Who cares if he's a rebound or not, he has her.. You will find someone who will appreciate you and all that you do.

It's not as simple as that. I think because I broke up with her at the start she decided that she didn't want to get hurt again and moved on. I think she was moving on while she was with me though which doesn't really make sense. She's probably just telling herself she has moved on, because if she still misses me then she hasn't.

No use in trying to figure her out, analyze her or make excuses for her.
Some times it is better to just accept and move on

It's not as simple as that.

You moving ahead, and not looking back will make it simple, as you have no control over her actions, or choices, and she has done what she wanted.

I guess I just have to face it and move on.

She told my sister in law a while back that she was falling for me completely but was scared I'd hurt her again so was trying to not get too close. I think she had decided then to move on.

She also told me that she took the bar job because I had told her that I wanted to take it slower and the bar job meant we wouldn't see each other daily.

I just hate myself just now. I found the girl of my dreams - she fit in with everything I've ever wanted - same outlook on life, same goals, same wants. And I managed to ruin it by being too scared of getting hurt. I was too scared to meet her parents.

I just feel empty. It was only a 7 month relationship, but we got so close to each other, or I thought we did. It's now 2 months on and I still hurt so much. It's ridiculous.

I'm thinking I might need to do something drastic to get over this. Like move away, or go travelling for 6 months. I tried to bury myself into my work and surround myself with friends, but I hate my job and all my friends are seeing people.

I just can't get her out of my head. Any suggestions?

I guess I just have to face it and move on.

She told my sister in law a while back that she was falling for me completely but was scared I'd hurt her again so was trying to not get too close. I think she had decided then to move on.

She also told me that she took the bar job because I had told her that I wanted to take it slower and the bar job meant we wouldnt see each other daily.

I just hate myself just now. I found the girl of my dreams - she fit in with everything I've ever wanted - same outlook on life, same goals, same wants. And I managed to ruin it by being too scared of getting hurt. I was too scared to meet her parents.

I just feel empty. It was only a 7 month relationship, but we got so close to each other, or I thought we did. It's now 2 months on and I still hurt so much. It's ridiculous.

I'm thinking I might need to do something drastic to get over this. Like move away, or go travelling for 6 months. I tried to bury myself into my work and surround myself with friends, but I hate my job and all my friends are seeing people.

I just can't get her out of my head. Any suggestions?

Why do you keep on trying to make this your fault? It takes two to Tango buddy, and she walked off the dance floor, and found someone else to tango with.

Moving is just silly. That is just running away, and it won't solve anything. Travelling may be good for you though. Get out and meet some new and different people, and do things that you like to do. If you don't like your job, start looking for something else you enjoy more. Find some other hobbies or activities that you like to do, and then make yourself go out and do them. You're young, and I don't mean to make light of it, but it was only 7 months. You WILL find someone else, and probably someone who will not bail on you, the first time you get cold feet.

Good luck!

I know I just have to get on with it. I just miss her so much. I wake up every day and always expect her to be next to me and have taken to hugging a pillow at night because we used to fall asleep in each others arms. It's pathetic I know.

I didn't realise how much I needed her until after she was gone.

I getcha! I know how it feels to wake up in the morning, and know that it wasn't just a dream every time. I know the sick feeling you get in your gut, and knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. It's not pathetic, those are your feelings, and it's hard to get through them.

Other than keeping yourself as busy as you can to take your mind off it, there is not too much else you can do but live through it. Try to write down the things that you will and will not accept or take from someone in your next relationship, but don't let yourself get jaded.

I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then, but I had to go through it to learn the lessons. It sucks, but it's true. I woke up beside someone I loved for many many yrs. so I know what it feels like when you wake up alone.

I don't mean to cheapen your relationship with her in any way, but just try and count your blessings that your relationship didn't go on for a lot of yrs. when you were more in love, and more attached, and then had to go through the same feelings that you are having now, but had also used up a lot of yrs in your life where you could have been truly happy with someone else.

I think I realised something today. She used me as a rebound for getting over... me.

When she came back to me after I had dumped her that was the time she told my sis in law that she didn't want to get too close.. i.e. she made up her mind then that we weren't going to be together forever. It explains why she stayed with me until she knew she had somewhere else to go. It explains why she was able to move on so quickly. I was just a safety net because she didn't want to be alone.

It doesn't explain why she still wanted to be with me up until the day before because he had already told her he fancied her. The day before she ended it she was telling me how she wanted me to become friends with her friends. It's as though she went out on his motorbike as a friend, had fun and decided that it was more fun than being in a relationship with me.

I know she isn't completely over me. She even admitted that sometimes she really misses me. It just feels like she's been hypnotized or something and has gone off the rails. Especially with this moving in thing. It's crazy.

Anyway, I shouldn't dwell on it. I'm just so up and down.

I feel like I should go away travelling. It's something that scares me. But maybe I need to do that to prove that I am not a wimp. I broke it off with her because I was scared when it got serious and that's something that really hurts me. I chickened out.

Ahhhh, good call Dr. Watson! She's rebound girl! Doesn't want to be alone, but will jump back and fourth. There is no hypnotism involved here! She knows full well what she's doing, but she just cannot make up her mind about anything, other than she won't be alone!

I don't think you chickened out. I think you had a sort of sixth sense, or a gut feeling about her, and you were trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. It might not have been entirely apparent to you, but something in your subconscious told you.

It really would help you to do a bit of travelling. Put yourself in a different atmosphere, get a new perpective on things. It would probably help you to look at all of this in a different light.

Whatever you were doing before you met her, go back to it, and add a few fun activities.

I'm not sure what I want to do regarding travelling.

I have a decent job and don't want to throw away what I have worked for although I'm not enjoying it right now. I might ask my boss if he would allow me a 6 month sabbatical.

Also, I quite like being close to my friends and family. It is only 6 months and my friend will be there, but my parents were away on holiday for a month and I really missed them. I think I don't like to be alone either, but I find solace in my friends and family.

I went to meet a good friend today - he knows a lot about relationships because he's been through a few and has a lot of women friends. He really helped me with some things. A lot of it was things I already knew and he's been through similar situations. One thing he said is that I might just be missing being with someone rather than her, and I think that's partly true. At the same time he thought it was weird that she misses me seeing as she has a new boyfriend. He agrees that we can't be friends because the respect has gone.

He's promised that he'll take me out on the town with his girlfriend and her mates, so I can interact with other girls more. That's given me something to look forward to. I am trying to keep busy. I've barely been in my flat since we broke up.

So we'll see what happens. I'm really unsure what to do. I don't want to run away travelling because I am scared of feeling unhappy. At the same time I don't want to chicken out of going travelling. It's a tough one.

Am I scared of committing to my job as well? I've been through a few in the last couple of years and always quit after 9 months. Just a thought...

I think you are young and cofused. We wouldn't be giving the advice we've been giving, if we hadn't been through what you are going through, and lived to tell about it.

What you are missing, is the person you thought she was, the not person she actually is. I don't know your ex girlfriend personally, but here's what I do know, that I can predict with a lot of certainty when I say it. "If she did it to you before she will do it to you again" AND, (and it sounds like she has_ "If she does it with you, she will do it to you". That cuts the chances of a relationship with her being long term in half, just with those two things in miind. Add to the mix all of the other things that happen in young relationships, and the survival rate is close to zilch. Do you really want to put yourself through that much hurt just because you miss her? That will pass, but so will a chunk out of your life if you take her back, or dwell on the "what if's."

Why would you want a SIX month sebatical? A month for every month you were with her? I don't know any boss that would grant you a sebatical after only being with their company for 9 months! It would be a sebatical all right... a permanent one. I was thinking more along the lines of a 2 week vacation! Unless you have recently inherited a windfall, or won the lottery, 6 months of traveling is just a little over the top to get over a girl.

Your friend is right, so listen to his advice. Being friends never works even in the best of circumstances, and from what I have heard you say, you would use the friendship and have ulterior motives, and be hurt even more because she would use you to tell all of her boyfriend problems to. Take your friend up on his offer, and go out of town with him and his friends. Go with a good open attitude, and tell yourself you are going to have fun. You just might have the time of your life!

This is NOT really a "tough one" when you really think about it. It isn't at all! You are not travelling to run away from your feelings! Your feelings will pack a bag and follow you! They will not stay at the hotel room when you go out to the club, or to dinner. They just might however, see other options and be better feelings that feel good, and you can pack them up and bring them back home with you!

You mentioned that you would miss your friends and family. I think you are giving yourself excuses. I really don't think you have commitement issues really, I think you have abandonment issues. Go on a holiday, have fun, get out and do new and different things that you have never tried, and stop thinking that a different and more trustworthy and stable girl won't be waiting for you somewhere. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, in fact it will happen when you aren't expecting it.

Today I'm really angry for some reason. I feel a lot of hatred towards her at the minute. It's better than feeling like I'm going to cry but I don't want to be angry.

She just totally used me and treated me like dirt, then tried to put all the blame on me. I hate what she's done. This girl that adored me one minute suddenly hated me and tells me that she was leaving "something for something good". It's as though it's nothing to do with the people involved. So I am and was horrible to her, but she wanted to be friends.

I don't get it at all. She's an idiot.

The missing word is sh*t

I'm so up and down. It still feels so wrong that she's gone. I thought we were so happy. I'm writing on here instead of texting her so it helps.

I just don't know what I did to make her so unhappy, especially as she never seemed unhappy. The week before I went away on a business trip and when I got back I went straight to her work to see her without even going home. I went in and didn't leave her arms for at least 30 minutes. Now if that did't show to her that I loved her, nothing would. I mean I couldn't be in the same room without touching her on the shoulder or on the hand. I just don't get it.

Maybe it's just because she was my first, but we both said we felt an instant connection between us and she even admitted that. She said that everything else "seemed easier" with her new boyfriend though. I guess the current love is always the best ever. And I guess because made her unhappy then she's never going to regret it.

The week after we broke up she said "your parents will hate me" and I asked why. She said that she was bound to meet them if we remained friends. That was just weird to me like she didn't realise what she was doing.

Everyone take the first break up hard I guess, and they take it personally. I think the intensity of feelings is just so strong, we can't believe it, so don't know what to do about it either, except, focus on the one we think is causing it.

Very few first time relationship last, and through our inexperience, we aren't sure why our partner isn't happy. The truth is that we have nothing to do with, the feelings of our partners changing, most times but we feel guilty any way.

So its going to hurt for a while, but venting here is the way to go, and it will get a bit better.

If you go through my old posts and original questions I asked when I first joined this, I was not in a well off spot. I was still crawling back to her and wanting to be with her. Then I got more comfortable on this site and with the people on it and started venting, every time I wanted to text her, I was on this site either venting or reading other peoples post and responding to them. I remember me and Sneezy went back and forth with venting to each other because we were basically at the same point of the break up. Now look at the two of us, we are happy with our lives and the way things turned out

Point being, things always look worse when you see the small picture, when you get to the point I'm at, you will reread those posts and be like are you kidding me! Did I really say that! Ha ha

Thanks guys. I just miss her

This is horrible. What's wrong with me.

She's trying to become good friends with my sister in law. Sending texts/myspace etc. My sister in law says she doesn't want to make it awkward for me, but it is already. All I hear from her is about her pole dancing class which my ex runs with her new man's sister. It sickens me every time I hear about it.

I walked past her work on my street just now and was so close to going in. I'm struggling. I see her car parked there and want to talk to her but I know it's stupid.

Am I just going to have to live with the fact that she's going to be a shadow in my life forever? I don't want there to be anything between me and my sister in law, but it's getting that way. I'm starting to resent her a bit for not telling me things that my ex had confided in her previously. It's like everyone is turning against me and I really didn't do anything wrong. I'm worried that it might ruin my relationship with my sis in law and it's like my ex is keeping tabs on me. She could be asking how I am, so she'll know when I'm over her. It's sick and it's like she's stealing my allies.

She's just messed up everything. She's now "completely in love" with this new guy and rubbing it in my face. This is why I feel I might have to leave. But I might leave and come back and she's best friends with my sister in law. It's really horrible. I feel so used.

I've told her that I can't be friends because the respect has gone between us, but she's just hurting me more and more.

It's no wonder I'm not feeling any better 2 months on.

The only thing I can think of doing is becoming friends with one of her pals. I see them out in town all the time.

Your sure live in a very small town don't you??

That or he takes long walks by her work

Her work is literally 100 yards from my door. It's horrible.

So I had a word with my sis in law saying about my ex messaging her. She says "well, technically she's my boss, so I can't ignore her" as she's now instructing at the pole class so I guess she's chosen to side with my ex. This means I can't trust her at all and I'm not going to be able to talk to my brother the same. Basically that's my life ruined because my ex won't get out of my life completely.

I'm so wound up

I hope it's normal to feel this way. I just have to accept that she's going to be in the background for a while at least and I might just have to distance myself from it.

I don't like how it's worked out. She basically told me that I was this horrible person but still wants to be friends and she isn't going to go away. I'm usually the kind of person that would be friends with anyone, but it's an impossible situation. Anyone got any ideas?

I can just envisage my brother and his wife going out for meals with my ex and her new man. It makes me sick. I just feel betrayed by everyone at the moment.

All this stuff is just mad.

No contact, arguments and all that. Feeling like I might cry all the time.

It feels so surreal. She's online just now on msn. Don't know whether I should talk to her or not. Probably not.

I wish I could just have a normal conversation with her. It's weird.

When you have those thoughts and feelings, which is absolutely normal, that's when you get busy. Even the smallest task will change your focus. Keep away from the notion to contact her in any way. Those actions only stir up the old feelings and makes them worse, so physically get up, and get busy, trim your mustache.

I spoke to her on msn. Bad move. I avoided discussing us and just chatted briefly about her/my work and looking for jobs. It felt really strained. I just said "got to go, later" and signed off because it was awkward.

It makes me sick to think that she is "in love" so soon after. I went to the cinema with a friend and it was quite a sad love story film (Wall-E) and I almost cried.

I was truly in love with this girl and I totally ruined it by panicking and ending it when I got cold feet and it made her look elsewhere for love.

I was reading through your story, first off let me say that I am really sorry for what is happening to you and I can def see where yo are coming from, I am kind of going through the same thing right now and yes it hurts and I have done some of the same things like calling her and talking to her online but trust me it is not worth it, it has been a month and half from my 3 year relatioship and it sort of happened suddenly , and you keep thining that you screwed up but you cannot do that, you cannot think of what happened in the past or what you did, it will only drive you crazy, again been there.
What I think you are going through is that you have no one else right now, believe me if you were talking to someone you would def be feeling better. You need time for yourself to think about what you want. It is about you now, stop thinking about her, what she is doing... it is for the best (I can tell you my story soemtime if you want to try and relate to it just let me know) This is where I am now. If you need help go see close friends and family, see what they think about this or better yet what they thought about her.
From my experience , everyone that I knew told me that they were happy she had ended it with, because she was making me act like someone else, and making me feel insecure.
Be strong buddy... it is not worth it.

Hey, I would like to hear your story. It's good to share problems.

I've always been quite low on confidence and my friends and family noticed how I grew when I was with her. I was on top of the world for a good while. Now I'm back to what I was like before.

I was reading this just now
What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold (http://www.been-dumped.com/whatwentwrong.php)
It's quite good.

I broke up with her at the early stages, but then realised I loved her. I think she broke up with me at the point where the "Honeymoon period" ended for her. She told me her previous relationships had fizzled out, so maybe she expects the relationship to be intense and as exciting all the way through. Don't get me wrong, it was still exciting for me, but I think I loved her on a deeper level. I could see us being together forever.

My brother thinks I was more in love with the idea of love rather than her, but he has no idea how much I adored her.

The thing I like to think of is that even after it ended when I smiled, she couldn't help herself smiling and nobody can take that away.

Another thought as I go on and on...

I wish she could tell me what she really wants from me. She never told me while we were together and she isn't telling me now. Maybe she doesn't know and that's the whole problem.

Does she genuinely want me as a friend? Or does she want a backup in case her new man isn't good enough? Has she moved on so quickly that I mean nothing to her and she can handle me as "just a friend". I know that she couldn't do that when I ended it once. I'm quite a logical person, so this emotional stuff is very alien to me!

I just constantly feel like I might cry at the smallest thing. Only thing that seems to cheer me up is getting drunk at the weekends with friends.

I'm quite a logical person, so this emotional stuff is very alien to me!

That is exactly why you take the time for the emotional dust to settle, and do other things, so you gain a better perspective on your situation, and you can formulate coping strategies to deal with these situations.


Only thing that seems to cheer me up is getting drunk at the weekends with friends.
Yeah, that's how we did it in the old days and let me tell you, don't know what was worse, the hangover, the heartbreak, or the humility of drunken behavior that your buddies are only to willing to remind you of.

OK well in a nutshelll I was going out with for 3 years, I was her first evetyting (sex, long relatioship), everything was going good, we had some ups and downs along the road but overall it was fine... now that I think of it she would drive me crazy sometimes with ridculous stuff but I would not see it then.. like she would get pissed at me for forgetting something that she told me 4 months ago. But that s besides the point. So we went on a trip together and came back and a few weeks later she called it off saying she needed time to think. I responded by saying that yes we need some space to figure things out. THat led to nothing really just that kept contact for 2 weeks here and there and one night I saw her out and she was being different. So I confroted her the next day saying that something was up and she said that she could not do this anymore and whatnot... and she had the guts to tell me that she had a thing for this guy that I had my suspicions about (even though she told me that that had no influence and her decision to break up)... now let me tell you I did evetything for this girl or at least a lot, would treat her like a queen, spending a lot for her caring for her. YOu see I felt that this was nice, I was comfortable and that this was going somewhere for a while a we had even spoken about this (her idea). But hey it didn't trun out that way and like I said eeryone is happy that it didn't because now that it was over they told me what they really thought about her (some did while I was with her but I would not listen), so that helped me get better. I am now working overseas and before I left we saw each other and it was an emotional meeting (whihc made me feel good to be honest, she even called the day of my flight), but later on I found out that that same night she had hooked up with that guy in a club... wish made me feel crazy. Now let me tell you , this guy is not the right person for her I know it because I know him... that does not mean that I am the right person... but I know he is less suited for her. At first I thought so many times of telling her that, but hey why should I, she messed up so it is her mistake to make if she gets serious with him? I could give her 20 times what that other guy could (financialy, culturaly... ) but hey she wants to go this let her, so many other girls that would be lucky to be with me.

Now that you know a little bit about this this is what you need to do, let her make her mistake and if it is meant to be she will see it. You cannot froce someone to be with you. If you love them you need to let them go, and if they love you back they will come back to you. The pain you feel is good because it shows what kind of person you are, you took the risk to fall in love and you had a connection with someone, you at least did that. Now like me things did not really work out, but think about this way if you weer 3 years down the road and this had happened it would have been worst, better have this happen now when you have nothing together (kids, house,. ) then a couple years down the road where it would have been worst.

Now I know this is still crazy but it will go away, I am sure that when you go out with your friend and those girls that you will have a good time and it will help you relax. It helped me when I did that. I am still not completely myself but I am much better and you will be to.

Hey thanks man, that does sound similar. It's the same here - I feel like this guy won't give her what she needs.

She was my first and I made a few mistakes, like she told me how she hated that I wasn't affectionate in public. Now I'm quite a shy person, so it wasn't my instinct. However, if she had told me while we were together or made the move herself then I would have been happy to kiss/hug in public. I think most of these little things are just her making excuses though.

Her new boyfriend maybe does all these things and makes her feel loved when I maybe didn't quite do that. He's had many girlfriends so has had the experience. I'm worried that somewhere down the line, the initial excitement wears off and she'll realise that they aren't suited or that she misses me (not that I'm being arrogant).

She just never gave me a hint that she was unhappy and most of the things she says she wanted, so did I.

Like I say, it feels like like she's looking for this perfect relationship to love, rather than loving the person.

Perhaps, but now you need to stop thinking about what she is thinking... let her to whatever, you did all those things and that is good, if you were good t oher she will realize sooner or later... I tend to believe that everything will work out... you need to start looking at it like that because trust me is the truth, you were happy before you met her so why can t you be now. That s what I try and tell myself everyday, I have so much to give and hey if she says she can't be with me , then I will find someone in my own time. The key is to remember that you are doing this for you and not to try and to do all this to get her attention or get her back. She use to live with a friend who told me that she didn't deserve me and why am I still trying to fix things, she told me that I needed to look myself in the mirror and see what I am really worth, she also told that she was surprised that I was with her that long. Take a good look at yourself and see what do you want to do. Remember that we usually act irrationaly when we lose something, we start acting childish in the sense that we want to get back what we do not have, like a kid who just got his toy taken away from him, suddenly begins to cry because that toy is so important. If you are afraid of where you are now, hey I am afraid to but hey we have to work with. Try and get you confidence back in thinking that you are not the only one going through this and that when people tell everything will work out... they mean it honestly

I know that I should just walk away and move on. She's the one with issues, not me.

I just feel teary eyed all the time at the moment. I actually cried for a month.

I still don't understand how she was so in love with me one minute, then a week later so in love with someone else that she moved in with him. It doesn't make sense to me at all.

It's like I meant absolutely nothing to her, but I know it's not the case. I imagine she'll marry this guy. I wish I knew what was going through her head. I'm just such a wreck just now.

It's like she decided on a whim that I wasn't the one for her and she's moved on and decided that this guy is the one without any reason. I wasn't that bad a boyfriend and she never complained. She was still doing loving things for up until the week she dumped me.

It's as though this guy telling her he fancied her suddenly made her want to leave me. How could she be so fickle.

You guys must be sick of me now. I'm just so up and down right at the moment.

I think she decided I didn't love her and acted on that. It's horrible. I loved her more than anything and maybe I did neglect her a little, but I don't think I did enough to warrant what I got. All she needed to tell me was that she was upset, not finish it.

I held back from saying 3 things when we were together which would have probably saved my relationship. I didn't say them because I thought they were a bit foolish and rushed but I regret not saying them.

1. I was lying in bed watching my ex sleep and she opened her eyes and said "What?" to which I replied "nothing" when I was thinking "I love you so much"
2. My ex was telling me that she was wanting to move flats. I thought "Move in with me" but said "have you got any friends to move in with"
3. We were lying in bed and my ex was telling me that it was her period the next day and we were talking and she said "It's good because at least it means I'm not pregnant" which I immediately thought "I would love it if you were pregnant" but said "yeah I guess"

I held back from showing her how much I loved her. #1 should have been obvious to her that I adored her if I was just looking at her.

Hey man... as long as you are talking to us and not to her it s good

I just had a dream about her and woke up really missing her.

This is the worst I've felt for a bit. It's maybe because I'm tired. It's horrible

Now you learned from this... think of it this way, we learn through our mistakes and you will know now how to act in this particular situation the next time around. I believe in never playing games, always being honest with yourself and with who you are. I told my ex that I was falling for her 5 months in and that took our relatioship to the next level and forward almost up to 3 years. Do I still think of her yes, do I wonder what she is doing or if she is with that other guy sometimes, BUT I always , always tell myself that if she doenst want to be with me, why do I keep doing this to myself. You seem like a good guy so why dwell on someone who clearly does not feel the same or doesn't know what she wants. YOu have no idea but I was in such a similar situation not too long ago and now after almost 2 months apart you start to realize that you are not the one missing out that much but she is, she had the chance to be with you and she blew it. DO NOT THINK about what has happened or what you should have said or what you didn't say. YOu need to let the past be the past and now focus on what is ahead On another note you need to be NC (if you are not doing that already) and be strong about it. So women don't know what they want and bam when they realize it it s too late. This shows you the knid of person they really are and not the person you thoought they were or imagine.
Bottom line... do not think about the past, it will only hurt you.

Hey thanks man.

I was pretty low this morning. I had my text all written out and was about to send it when I realised that it won't change anything. So I didn't send it. Breakthrough? Maybe.

Then this afternoon I suddenly got really calm and thought "oh well, that ship has sailed". It wasn't a nice feeling, but a hell lot better than this "waiting for something to happen" feeling I've had.

I get to the stage where I feel really teary eyed and have a lump in my throat. Does this sound familiar?

I think she just got it into her head that I didn't love her and even though she wanted to be with me (I'm sure she did the day before she broke up with me. I could see it in her eyes) I just hurt her again on the Friday and it pushed her over the edge. Maybe she was waiting for me to slip up. I don't know. But to be with someone so soon and in love so soon and move in so soon. It HURTS.

She said her feelings began to change one night when she went home from mine because she had a sore back and was just going to bed. Her workmate (and new man) texted her and insisted that he went to hers even though she said "no" with chocolate to cheer her up and this made her "feel special".

This was maybe a couple of weeks before she dumped me. This guy was blatently trying to get into her pants and she fell for it.

Am I the only person that thinks this is ridiculous. I mean I offered to go to hers with her, but she said no because she was just going to sleep.

Was she just using me? Is it more likely that she asked him round rather than him texting her? I mean, how did he know where she lived!?

If she asked him over that night and was just using me as a safety net then she was just using me and it is sick. It makes more sense.

Or it was because I'd hurt her by dumping her and she was too scared of getting hurt again so didn't let herself commit.

Today has been up and down again.

Was completely indifferent this morning. Couldn't care less about her.

Then I got thinking again. Things still don't add up for me. The day before dumping me she was speaking about the future and saying "I want my friends to be your friends" and my mate said he could see she adored me.

It's like someone convinced her, maybe herself, that I didn't love her. I did hurt her a bit that week, but nothing particularly bad. Just me being a bit of an idiot as usual.

One thing I hate is how her story changed. In the beginning it was all about how we didn't fit, and I asked if there was someone else and she said "no, but I might start seeing someone from work" and next thing it was "I was looking forward to his texts more than yours" after she told me they hadn't really texted and it wasn't like that. I don't know which one to believe. All I know was she was really into me one minute, texting me all the time, and then a few days later she wasn't. Maybe she changed her story to be about him rather than me as her allegiance changed.

I wish I could go back to the week before and undo the mistakes that led to the breakup. Bottom line is she decided to leave me for someone else, whether she liked/likes him more than me or not and there's nothing I can do.

Love is cruel. One lesson I have learned is that I am a complete wimp. I'm scared of hurting people and scared of getting hurt. And that's why our relationship failed. We were both feeling the same.

If you go back and reread your thread, you will see your caught in a very vicious loop, fueled by your rejection. You are your biggest enemy and must endeavor to break that cycle you allow yourself to be dragged in.


Then I got thinking again.

Every time you get to thinking, get up, and do something physical, shaving, cycling, polish your Sunday shoes, anything, to change your focus from her, to something else. That way you will not have to re-feel those feelings she left you with, nor ask the same questions over again, for which there is NO ANSWER FOR!!

If you have a good friend, let him know you'll call him to distract yourself, but never talk about her, that may help. If need be make out a to do list, and keep it handy, for those times you "get to thinking".

She's just another piece of scratch paper. Throw her in the trash can and don't contact her at all. Even if she texts or calls you, don't answer/respond. Seriously, you have NOTHING wrong except spending less time with her than before. I was in the same situation as you were; I dated my girlfriend (now ex) of one year four months. I told her way before that I was going to be busy and I will be neglecting her for a bit. She said she'd understand and accept the situation.

A week before finals, she dumps me and tells me she has no feelings for me anymore cause I'm never there to be with her.

For me, I feel like sh*t and my feelings are up & down...
Recently, I started to work out a bit, read more dating books, visit some friends and teachers etc.

The best idea I can suggest to you is to forget about her and go on with your life.

Or even better, show up in front of her house with a nice car and a hot girl =]

I guess it all boils down to the fact that she cheated on me (maybe not physically) by getting close to this guy and hiding her "friendship". The hard part is that she doesn't regret it at all.

I really hope she gets what she deserves. I'm not even sure she told him she was seeing someone.

Thanks everyone for your continuing support

I guess it all boils down to the fact that she cheated on me (maybe not physically) by getting close to this guy and hiding her "friendship". The hard part is that she doesn't regret it at all.

I really hope she gets what she deserves. I'm not even sure she told him she was seeing someone.

Thanks everyone for your continuing support

Join the NC Calender thread!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-member-discussions/nc-calendar-ii-227290.html

Feeling better today. This website is good for venting.

I think after me breaking up with her she decided we weren't going to last and that she had to move on. I think she got it into her head that I didn't love her and was just using her so it would be OK for her to use me while she was finding another relationship.

She completely betrayed me.

It's just so tragic because she didn't have to move on because I did love her. I just had fears that took time to get over. Unfortunately what she has done has put the fears back even worse. I hate how she has made me feel empty and as though I am just existing.

I think when I told her that I loved her she did get a shock, because she (or someone else - probably her new man) had convinced her that I didn't. But her excuse that "It was too much a shock to go back" is just crap.

I worry for her because I get the impression that he loves himself more than her. I'm in complete turmoil because I want to hate her, but I can't and I want her to feel the pain I do, but at the same time I don't.

I just wish she'd never taken that stupid ing job. I even said to her at the time that we'd drift apart and she'd fall for a barman. I said it not because I didn't trust her, but just that I was gutted we wouldn't see each other anymore and it's the kind of thing that happens all the time. I reminded her of that after we broke up and she said "Nice to see you had faith in us" and I said "Well, you're the one that has run away" and she started to cry.

I miss her.

Just went on to my sister in laws bebo to wish her congratulations for getting a new job. Of course there are messages from my ex there discussing the job. I don't know how I'm meant to deal with this. My ex is now closer to my sister in law than me. It was my brother that told me about her getting the job.

Is this going to ruin the relationship with my family? I can feel myself distancing myself from my sister in law because it hurts every time I see her texting or speaking about her pole dancing class she takes with my ex. The only way I can stop the hurt is to hurt my sister in law by distancing myself.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I think you should do what it takes to heal, and make explanations later.

It's really tough because if it affects my sister in law, it affects my brother, then my parents etc etc.

The way it ended annoys me, she clearly still wanted to be with me, but instead of working things through, she decided that she had to move on. She didn't put the effort in to communicate with me and just bottled everything up. When we argued after we finished she was bringing up things from the really really early days when I was just getting to know her. She never told me that these things annoyed her.

What I don't understand is how this guy is suddenly the love of her life and I was just a blip.

After a month of being dumped I sent her a long heartfelt email telling her how I felt about her. I ended up saying "I love you because you are crazy" or (nicer) words to that effect.

Next thing is her bebo status is "X is crazy" which means that my opinion still held value with her then.

Now we just don't talk. I think it makes it easier for both of us. She is still getting over me although she is with someone else. It doesn't make sense to me.

As long as your still trying to figure out her actions and thoughts, your not thinking of yours, and that means your not taking your own feelings to heart. Don't be confused, ask yourself what's more important, and you will see as the emotions settle a more realistic view of what was really going on, through more objective eyes.

I understand your rants, as we all do when we are coping with the shock, and rejection of a break up, but at some point positive proactive action has to be taken, especially since she is still close to your family.

I think it important that you talk individually to them, as their support through this would be great. There is no reason why you must lose your own family after this loss, and you won't, with some honest communication. Remember your healing comes first, and I think they will understand.

I blew NC. I'm an idiot. She didn't reply which is good, but I hate myself for failing AGAIN.

I sent her a text asking why she never ever told me when I had upset her - this is what I see as the main problem. We NEVER argued and I noticed that she would always agree with me on things, never make the first move on anything and I tried to get her to do this. I tried so many different ways to get her to tell me her frustrations but she never gave in. She just bottled it up until the end.

As soon as I sent it I sent another saying "don't bother replying. theres no point" then about an hour later I sent "That night you were in work till 4am, you weren't working were you (She probably was having after work drinks with her new man). You cheated on me in every way possible and lied to me. I was only ever honest with you"

Then I sent "Sorry. Don't even know why im speaking to you"

Then I sent "Sorry. I'm now the psycho ex. I've just never been so hurt and betrayed before and you seem to think i was horrible to you. I was only ever honest. I miss you"

So now I'm all wound up. What an idiot. I hope she changed her number.

Look at what you have done to yourself, did it help??

No. I was being stupid. I've been doing so well. I just got a bit depressed at work and thought about her.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/feel-used-133537.html

I'm scared that this story is similar to mine, except I loved her. I didn't meet her parents though and was reluctant to hang with her friends after the first breakup.

People screw up... just don't contact her again...

For me, I wish my ex got a new boyfriend who she fuqed, gotten pregnant, and her boyfriend runs off..

I just hope that happens to her.

I wish I could hate her but I loved her too much.

I get she was your first, and know how hard that is. You fell hard in 7 months and being honest she was a stranger you barely knew, but those intense feelings got the best of you and now you must cope with the, and the feelings of rejection, and the pain and shock that its over.

You just need to get busy, getting yourself back, and deal with the pain with positive actions. Reread the 4 stickies, and really study them.

I wish I could hate her but I loved her too much.

Compare my relationship of one year four months?

That's nothing... not to offend you but 7 months is not a very long time...

Time is nothing, it's how you feel about the person and how it ended.

Every situation is different. I just wish I wasn't such a psycho just now

Yea man, you seriously need to delete her number from your phone. You are letting this broad into your head way too much. She has you by the b*lls, I'm going to be completely blunt with you as I have followed your story from the beginning. Feel free to hit me with a reddie but you will thank me later.

DELETE everything you have in ways to contact her, phone number, myspace, Facebook, cut the string to the tin can(old people know what I'm talking about). Reclaim your manhood from her by showing her you are strong enough to walk away like a MAN. Sure she broke your heart, she's a cold calculated b!tch, what more is there to say? NOTHING! Take all of her crap that's in your room down and box it up. Hang pictures of some nice attractive models or motivational quotes(that's what I did) If you don't stop the way you are acting you are either going to have one or both of the following happen 1. You will be known as the pyscho stalker or 2. Restraining order

Yea man, you seriously need to delete her number from your phone. You are letting this broad into your head way too much. She has you by the b*lls, I'm going to be completely blunt with you as I have followed your story from the beginning. Feel free to hit me with a reddie but you will thank me later.

DELETE everything you have in ways to contact her, phone number, myspace, facebook, cut the string to the tin can(old people know what I'm talking about). Reclaim your manhood from her by showing her you are strong enough to walk away like a MAN. Sure she broke your heart, she's a cold calculated b!tch, what more is there to say? NOTHING! Take all of her crap that's in your room down and box it up. Hang pictures of some nice attractive models or motivational quotes(that's what I did) If you don't stop the way you are acting you are either going to have one or both of the following happen 1. You will be known as the pyscho stalker or 2. Restraining order

I plan on getting my damn books and gifts I gave...

I plan on getting my damn books and gifts I gave...

Ha ha!! Funniest thing, is that is a chronic excuse on why people keep calling. My ex still owes me $140, coach purses, Tiffany's jewelry, tons of clothes, and a promise ring. I wrote it all off as a lesson learned... i.e NEVER spend that much on someone you are dating and when you're married they take it anyway, so in reality, never spend that much on someone.

Ha ha!!! Funniest thing, is that is a chronic excuse on why people keep calling. My ex still owes me $140, coach purses, Tiffany's jewelry, tons of clothes, and a promise ring. I wrote it all off as a lesson learned...i.e NEVER spend that much on someone you are dating and when you're married they take it anyway, so in reality, never spend that much on someone.

Yep

I've done all that.Got rid of everything. Pity her number is in my memory. I probably won't text again. Can't really say anymore to her anyway.

She was far too insecure to handle my honesty.

My mind is racing again. I'm now thinking that my brother will be at her wedding.

So what??

You guys must be hating me now.

Almost went into her work at lunchtime. But the word "stalker" came into my head so I just walked on a bit and sat on the pavement and calmed down.

I'm pathetic.

I'm beginning to think you might need to seek professional help. I don't think its your last time you will text or call her especially when you almost walked into her work at lunch.

We don't hate you at all, and your not pathetic, just hurting, and could use some personel counseling from someone other than us, to guide you through the process of letting go. I think a pastor, who is trained in personal guidance, by the way, or an older trusted adult can benefit you greatly, if you cannot afford a therapist. Its no shame to need a little more help, or more time. Why not get them both?

Tal is right, there is NO shame at all reaching out for help from a therapist, I did it for my jealousy issues and I have rebounded from the lowest point in my very well I think. Everyone needs a helping hand sometime, no shame in admitting it man.

You guys must be hating me now.

Almost went into her work at lunchtime. But the word "stalker" came into my head so i just walked on a bit and sat on the pavement and calmed down.

I'm pathetic.

You're not pathetic. Just confused.

One of my worries is that I end up like my half-brother. He is clinically depressed and has pretty much ruined his life. I am determined not to end up like him. I'm determined not to do what he did.

I gave myself a really harsh talking to this afternoon and I am feeling much better just now. Walking home from work was actually really good. It's the first time I've actually looked forward to a weekend in ages.

I was just thinking of something silly - she dyed her hair blonde the first time I dumped her, red the second time, and the night before she dumped me it was dyed again.

I think maybe she is the one with lots of problems and not me. I was trying to see if I was depressed and came across this. This is exactly what she is like. She even told me several times "i can't make decisions" which is funny reading this. Why she didn't ever tell me she was upset and why she bottled it up until she couldn't take any more. I knew she had to be mental to dump me :-0

Dependent Personality: People with a dependent personality routinely surrender major decisions and responsibilities to others and permit the needs of those they depend on to supersede their own. They lack self-confidence and feel intensely insecure about their ability to take care of themselves. They often protest that they cannot make decisions and do not know what to do or how to do it. This behavior is due partly to a reluctance to express their views for fear of offending the people they need and partly to a belief that others are more capable. People with other personality disorders often have traits of a dependent personality, but the dependent traits are usually hidden by the more dominant traits of the other disorder. Sometimes adults with a prolonged illness or physical handicap develop a dependent personality

So someone probably convinced her to leave me, which is what I suspected. Someone convinced her that I didn't love her. I hope to god it wasn't him and I hope he won't get bored and dump her or even cheat on her.

I'm not sure which "depression" I have. Maybe these ones, but you can guess why

Avoidant Personality: People with an avoidant personality are overly sensitive to rejection, and they fear starting relationships or anything new. They have a strong desire for affection and acceptance but avoid intimate relationships and social situations for fear of disappointment and criticism. Unlike those with a schizoid personality, they are openly distressed by their isolation and inability to relate comfortably to others. Unlike those with a borderline personality, they do not respond to rejection with anger; instead, they withdraw and appear shy and timid. Avoidant personality is similar to generalized social phobia

Cyclothymic Personality: People with cyclothymic personality alternate between high-spirited buoyancy and gloomy pessimism. Each mood lasts weeks or longer. Mood changes occur regularly and without any identifiable external cause. Many gifted and creative people have this personality type


It's quite interesting - try it
Personality Disorders: Mental Health Disorders: Merck Manual Home Edition (http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html)

In a way I feel a bit sorry for her, because by rushing into this relationship she'll probably make the same mistakes and get hurt. At least I have learned from this experience.

That was one thing about her that frustrated me - I was always the one driving. I even asked her once - why don't you ever initiate sex and then purposfully waited for her to make the moves.

After we'd broken up I told her that I had pictured us married with kids and said "don't you think that sounds nice?" and she was smiling ear to ear. She also said she would have moved in with me the week before if I had asked.

I think she loved me and someone convinced her I didn't love her.

It's all pointless. Love sucks.

She obviously just didn't want to commit to me anymore after I had broken up with her the last time, where I had finally committed myself to her.

Bad timing.

Do you think it's possible for someone to fall in love with me that quickly then lose it so quickly? I know I don't feel the same about her now than I did 2 months ago.

We went for lunch the week after we split and that was the first time she ever let me pay for her. She had always insisted on paying her half before. I guess she just doesn't care at all anymore.

Something drastically changed in 1 week. Maybe it was gradually growing over a longer time, but something happened and I don't know what it was.

"Dont Leave The One You Love For the One You Like, Because The One You Like Will Leave You For The One They Love..."

She'll see it, when it happens to her.

One thing that annoys me is that she never told me when she was upset with me. How was I supposed to realise she was unhappy about some things when she never told me? She never gave us a chance.

One thing that annoys me is that she never told me when she was upset with me. How was I supposed to realise she was unhappy about some things when she never told me? She never gave us a chance.


Dude I hear you my girl did the same thing.. she kept saying you everything is fine until one day bam that was it.. like I was supposed to know what was wrong or something but w/e.. I guess some people don't know how to communicate

A relationship takes two people working together, and just because there are a lot of "I love you's" back and forth, doesn't mean you two have enough to last forever. It takes a lot more than just saying it to be the truth.

Stop torturing yourself, you just were not compatible, and while you still dwell on her, your not getting healthy, and be better prepared for the next opportunity.

Don't be stuck on what was, when what will be is on its way.

I'm slowly feeling better. Thinking about it less.

It just sucks that I feel like I won't see her again. I miss her.

I don't think we were incompatible, it was just a communication problem. And if she does the same with her new boyfriend then it'll probably work out the same. Although now she is living with him, maybe she'll be forced to tell him when she is upset.

It just all feels really stupid. It's as though love is about how much time you spend with someone rather than who the person is and what they stand for. She always tried to please me and that's why I loved her. She never told me what she wanted so I couldn't.

And how I've reacted to the breakup has terrified me. I'm getting there, but the last 2 months have been HELL.

Its her birthday next week

I want to text her happy birthday and maybe try and end it on a good note. I don't know anymore.

what is done is done, and adding to it will only cause more pain and frustration on your part. This is a really hard time in your life and you can turn it around and become very much stronger from it. Keep to NC and the pain will come and pass and eventually one day you will find someone who will make you stop and think why did I waste all that energy on what's her name.

I wondered for awhile why my ex did it but then I just realized that it doesn't matter why because she's gone and if she comes back I don't want her, because she did it once and look at what happened. Take some time to do some things you have always wanted to do, start a couple new hobbies, listen to some music(no sappy or love songs, Im talking some rock), and mainly focues on you. Because the "we"-her=you and that along with family and friends is what matters.

Life will get better give it time.

Thanks man. You're probably right.

Sammie66 grow some balls man! Want me tell you what you need? Is some new poon tang! Man!. (don't mean to piss you off!) and you need to change your email! And your phone number!. and start working out hard! And why your working out think about her f@#king the her new love! It will help you!. and about her doing so well? And she in love is bullsh!t! She only telling you that to piss you off and to make sure you stay down? And the more you tex that girl you just making her ego big!. so call your home boys, go out! And start macing on some girl!. and get some number! And wake up the PIMP! The PLAYER!. there too much out there! To be crying over some pace of azz that didn't really care about you!. play the game! Don't be played!

Lol, you sound like the last guy on this:

YouTube - Tales of mere existence 'how to cope with depression' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVhyZEMUFvc)

You're probably right. I think I've just gone a bit obsessive. I'm like that unfortunately. Makes me who I am right?

Feeling much better now anyway. I think I've bored myself too much with the whole situation.

So how you doing Sammie66... we haven't heard of you so I am hoping you are better

I'm just bored with it all. Had a chat with a few good friends about it the other night and one was taking the p*ss out of her new boyfriend because he'd seen his Facebook and thought he sounded like a complete idiot. It cheered me up a bit.

She's almost been with him 3 months now so I've accepted that she's probably going to end up marrying him and getting pregnant in the next year seeing as they are rushing into everything :-P. 3 months is getting towards 1/2 of our relationship.

Even one of my friends said he found the whole thing completely insane. He can't believe how she just seemed to suddenly flip from being in love with me to being in love with this other guy. And he says its ridiculous that she's moved in with him, let alone dated him so soon.

I mean, this is a girl, who less than a week before we split was taking those kinds of adoring photos of me (that I didn't know of) walking through the park, then a week later was in bed with someone else saying she had "moved on". Yet a month after she broke up with me, she was adding photos of me to her Facebook. And she "really misses me sometimes".

Unless I did something that really upset her to her core I find the whole thing crazy. I think she's crazy! I just wonder what it is I did. It might have been something in bed while she was on her period but she'd never complained. But she doesn't complain...

I've always thought I was a good judge of character and don't suffer fools easily, but I could've sworn the look she gave me 2 days before we broke up was one of love. I don't know what she was thinking. I think she's maybe one of these people who just can't handle being on their own, and so paranoid that they convince themselves of the worst. So she probably just thought "he doesn't do anything for me, he doesn't love me" and her workmate said "i really fancy you" and she made the decision based on that. That's the impression I get as mad as it sounds.


But anyway, I am feeling much better. Still VERY confused and gutted, but as my friend says - I'm looking at it much more objectively rather than feeling the pain now. And who wants to be stuck in a relationship with a needy, self centered person. Also I just booked a 2 week holiday to Japan with a friend. I thought I'd go somewhere so mad and far away and with so much to take in I won't have time to think about her.

My mate only met her a couple of times - he moved away soon after we were dating. He said from what I had said, she just doesn't know what she wants. In the time I have known her, she's moved apartments 2 times, changed jobs 2 times and dated 2 people. She's obviously never satisfied and doesn't realise that the only person that can make her happy is herself.

I laughed yesterday. Every time I see a car that looks like hers I check the number plate out just in case. Silly I know. I'm sure I saw her in her car with blonde hair. As I said in an earlier post- every time she's upset, she dyes her hair. So maybe she's not in a perfect situation. Who knows!

Only question is - do I send her a birthday text next week? One of my friends says I should, just to show I'm not petty, but only say "Happy Birthday".

Another thing my friend said "If she does end up with him, then she DID leave you for someone she fell in love with and obviously didn't love you. And why would you want someone that didn't love you and deceived you into thinking they did?"

He's a wise man!

Sorry just had a bit of frustration to get out.

What I don't understand is that if she had been planning on leaving me, why did she send texts to my sister in law saying "I feel unloved" a few days before. Or was that her making the decision? I don't know.

Maybe she had made the decision then, but when I went to see her she couldn't hide the fact that she had strong feelings for me. Like she loved me, but she kept getting hurt so went with her head rather than her heart. That would explain a lot.

She only got hurt because she was too scared of upsetting me. I wanted her to argue and tell me what she wanted. She was my first girlfriend and it's hard to go from thinking only about yourself, to putting someone else first.

She was my first girlfriend and it's hard to go from thinking only about yourself, to putting someone else first.
My friend, I think we all put that first love, ahead of ourselves and lose ourselves a bit, but at the time, you just can't help it. Yeah it sucks. I feel you there!!

Another thing my friend said "If she does end up with him, then she DID leave you for someone she fell in love with and obviously didn't love you. And why would you want someone that didn't love you and deceived you into thinking they did?"

He's a wise man!

That's using pure logic, which can work, but fails to take into account how relationships mostly defy logic. That is also under the assumption that she knows what love is. Some people don't have a clue what real love is, and will never know. Looking at it objectively as I am, it is clear that what happened was a simple happenstance of inexperience on both sides.

One.

You took a 2 day break and she leaves you for someone else! How frivolous she is. If it's that easy for her to move from guy to guy and sleep around then perhaps she's just slutty, and maybe you should't be putting her up on such a high pedestal. Love, or infatuation, can blind even the wisest person.

TWO

"Everyone remembers their first love", is the adage, because it's the first time they ever feel that KIND of pain. As you get older and wiser, failed relationships are judged more accurately. You are assessing reality, emotions are clogging your perception.

Three

She didn't suddenly flip from being in love with you, women leave a relationship way before they ever physically leave it. They may say the love you, they may treat you well, but inside it may be a whole different story. It is likely that she had been contemplating leaving you for at least a month. She might have even known the guy she's it with while she was with you. Women are 100x's better at fooling men than men are women.

Four

The real wisdom tends to be the simplest. "she doesn't know waht she wants" . That's probaby the reality of it all. She's just like 90% of us all in our youth. Still testing out the waters and being molded into who we are in our mature years. Or maybe she's just crazy and you're too young and as of yet experienced to even detect her insanity!

I don't see us ever speaking again. Unfortunately I put an end to that by sending her texts saying how she used and lied to me. Move on :-(

It's a shame how it's all turned out. She thinks I'm really bitter and angry about the whole thing. She said it makes her sad thinking about it.

The problem is that she's always assumed the worst from me. I'm a decent guy!! Ok, I can be grumpy when I'm tired, but my heart is pure.

I know that I could never do to her what she did to me and I'm glad of that. Whenever I had doubts I nipped it in the bud and ended things (even though I immediately regretted it)

She didn't suddenly flip from being in love with you, women leave a relationship way before they ever physically leave it. They may say the love you, they may treat you well, but inside it may be a whole different story. It is likely that she had been contemplating leaving you for at least a month. She might have even known the guy shes it with while seh was with you. Women are 100x's better at fooling men than men are women.


That's true because she told my sister in law that she was falling for me but scared of getting hurt so she was blocking me out. But if that was the case, she should have ended it THEN and not used me.

I find it sick to think I could be used in such a way by her.

I don't see us ever speaking again. Unfortunately I put an end to that by sending her texts saying how she used and lied to me. Move on :-(

It's a shame how it's all turned out. She thinks I'm really bitter and angry about the whole thing. She said it makes her sad thinking about it.

The problem is that she's always assumed the worst from me. I'm a decent guy!!!! Ok, I can be grumpy when I'm tired, but my heart is pure.

I know that I could never do to her what she did to me and I'm glad of that. Whenever I had doubts I nipped it in the bud and ended things (even though I immediately regretted it)


Oh boo hoo, she's sad that she broke YOUR heart. She made her bed and she must lie in it. Never look back. In 1 year you'll look back and see the truth, and it's likely you won't feel as inclined to hold her in such a high regard.

That's true because she told my sister in law that she was falling for me but scared of getting hurt so she was blocking me out. But if that was the case, she should have ended it THEN and not used me.

I find it sick to think I could be used in such a way by her.

Sounds like she felt bad about being the villain, and was merely trying to be a diplomat to your sister in law. That or maybe she's just a little girl, who doesn't understand the complexities of a real intimate relationship, or maybe she never was the one.

Heh don't be ashamed she played you a little bit :)

Hell it's likely to happen again my good man! As long as women smell good and are pretty we're fools and we'll jump through hoops and bring them shiny stuff! But that's not so bad, hell it makes you feel alive doesn't it! Now find another one to chase, a lady who doesn't have all the flaws you just put up with your ex and woo her and sweep her off her feet. Onward march, never look back!

I wish I could be as confident about getting another! Took me long enough to get my first girlfriend. I'm just a pretty shy guy. I've been told I'm good looking, but I don't know if that's just an ego booster from friends or what.

It's weird how the longer time goes on, her "perfectness" seems to disappear.

I just hope that somehow I get a good result in the end. It would be nice to hear her admit that I was actually a good boyfriend but maybe this guy is perfect for her.

I still think if I hadn't broken up with her at the beginning we would be together right now. But then maybe I would be the one using her and being dishonest.

Sounds like she felt bad about being the villain, and was merely trying to be a diplomat to your sister in law. that or maybe she's just a little girl, who doesn't understand the complexities of a real intimate relationship, or maybe she never was the one.

Heh don't be ashamed she played you a lil bit :)

Hell it's likely to happen again my good man! As long as women smell good and are pretty we're fools and we'll jump through hoops and bring them shiny stuff! But that's not so bad, hell it makes you feel alive doesn't it! Now find another one to chase, a lady who doesn't have all the flaws you just put up with your ex and woo her and sweep her off her feet. Onward march, never look back!

She told this to my sister in law about a month before we broke up. I'm actually a bit annoyed because that was her admitting she didn't see a future with me and my sister in law never told me this until recently.

I wish I could be as confident about getting another! Took me long enough to get my first girlfriend. I'm just a pretty shy guy. I've been told I'm good looking, but I don't know if that's just an ego booster from friends or what.

It's weird how the longer time goes on, her "perfectness" seems to disappear.

I just hope that somehow I get a good result in the end. It would be nice to hear her admit that I was actually a good boyfriend but maybe this guy is perfect for her.

I still think if I hadn't broken up with her at the beginning we would be together right now. But then maybe I would be the one using her and being dishonest.

It's not weird that her "perfectness" seems to disappear, I just said it would in one of my earlier posts. It's natural. Stop thinking about what if's , heck if I thought of how many what if's I've had, I wouldn't leave my bathroom in the morning. If you've been told you're good looking and you clearly have in the past attracted women, then why the heck do you think you can't do what you've already done?

She told this to my sister in law about a month before we broke up. I'm actually a bit annoyed because that was her admitting she didn't see a future with me and my sister in law never told me this until recently.

You're sister in law was probably afraid of being the bearer of bad news, don't fault her too much we are all human. She also probably realizes that this relationship wasn't right for you and realized it would work itself out, which it did. Stop moping and start jogging. Literally, start running until you look like bruce lee. Enlightenment will come when you've trained enough. You'll be allright OK? Say it. "I'll be ok"

My friend think her new boyfriend looks like "an ape". It's good to be childish sometimes.

I just miss her, but I know I can't see her. She'll realise her mistake one day. She'll be 86 and her boyfriend (now husband) will die on her. I'll have the last laugh because I have long life in my family! My gran is 100+

My friend think her new boyfriend looks like "an ape". It's good to be childish sometimes.

I just miss her, but I know I can't see her. She'll realise her mistake one day. She'll be 86 and her bf (now husband) will die on her. I'll have the last laugh because I have long life in my family! My gran is 100+


There, so I guess it's CASE CLOSED then. You will live a good life find someone better than she ever will be and she can stick with mr. ape man. Time to move on my good man!

I miss her so much. She's made a huge mistake. I wish my feelings would just go, but I guess they won't. I'll just have to deal with them.

I just wonder if I was the rebound for her previous boyfriend. As far as I know she had been single for a while, but the way we met - we were in a club and her cousin came over and told her to chat to her makes me think she was maybe still depressed about someone. Maybe she is one of these idiots that jump from one relationship to another without ever learning anything.

Two things are keeping me going

1) I know I always did the right thing and even though I've made mistakes, my heart has always been in the right place.
2) She is happy with her new relationship. It kills me that she's chosen to be with someone else, but if he makes her happier than me, then who am I to deny her happiness.

Nice guys finish last I guess.

Stop being a nice guy, and just be a good one. The best skill a guy can have is knowing when you can't win, and bow out gracefully.

She's just frustrated me so much. She never said a word when I did things to upset her. I even knew I had done wrong sometimes but I just wanted her to be angry or to say something to me. It was like having one of those Buckingham Palace guards as a girlfriend and whatever I did she didn't flinch at all until she just had enough and quit.

Arguments are healthy. It shows you care but anything I did to upset her must've just made her really sad and she bottled it up. She's an idiot because I know how much she loved me and I know how much I loved her - she just didn't give us a hope in hell of anything long term because she was too scared of upsetting me. She's far too insecure.

I just miss her so much and the time we had together was just the best thing ever to have happened to me. I know there will be others, but I've just never met anybody like her. Nobody has ever lived up to my "perfect woman" as much as her. Or the "old" her anyway.

I still feel down about it. I'm constantly trying to stay positive but she was everything to me and now I'm nothing to her.

She's just a spineless idiot and I deserve so much better. Could I take her back? Doubt it.

She just ruined something that was too good to be true. And now I realise it wasn't true.

You really making way too much of a 7 month try out.

You tried it, it didn't work out, so keep it moving!!

It's the kind of person I am. I commit myself to things too much and obsess. I truly loved her and the way it has ended has really affected me. I thought I was getting over her 2 weeks after it happened and was doing fine with NC. Then she sent that "I had a dream about you text" which just messed me up.

I'm nearly there though. Have had no urges to text or read her myspace etc. I still miss her though and hate feeling like we won't talk again. Maybe I'll bump into her in a year and my feelings will have gone.

I'm still gutted that it didn't work out. I still have no idea what happened. I truly thought she was my soulmate. I've never met anyone who I've felt such an instant bond with. Almost like we were separated at birth. I guess each relationship in the future will feel like that in some way though. Hopefully the next isn't too far away.

So something really annoyed (rather than upset) me tonight.

My ex was on a birthday night out - I knew because she invited my sis in law but she declined. I also knew she'd end up in the club I always go to because that was our regular hang out. I went to another club purely to avoid her but then thought " F it, we're bound to bump into each other sometime" so I went to this place with my mates.

So I see her group in fancy dress but not her. I see her boyfriend and HIS mates (not hers that I had met) and he spots me, but I ignore him and concentrate on my friends. As the night continues I keep one eye on the action...

Over the whole night, he is with his mates all the time and never goes near her (I know where she is because I see her sister). Now when I was with her I never left her side.

Things I got moaned at for were me not texting enough, or sending messages online enough. With him, it's funny that he doesn't text a lot etc.

So with me she was incredibly needy and I never showed her enough attention, but with him, she's happy to go along with him giving her little.

Any explanations because I'm at a loss. The only thing I can assume is that because she has moved in with him, she has gotten over her insecurities.

If this is true then it sucks because I almost asked her to move in before we split up.

She has moved on and you haven't, so she has more to distract her, and you haven't.

People interact differently with each other as you will find once you have let go and gotten prepared for whatever else life throws at you.

Don't worry, you will move past this eventually. My first major break up was as traumatic to me as yours is, but once you find out you have the capacity as a human to cope with your own feelings, you will be much better at putting things in a healthy perspective and actually thrive on it.

That's just life. It is what it is.

I guess I just made her feel insecure.

I'm sad it has to come to us not being able to talk. I'll text her happy birthday. That might show no hard feelings.

He maybe was a rebound at the start but I probably helped push them together because I was texting her so much.

Our relationship died the minute she took that bar job. It wasn't going anywhere because we didn't get any quality time together.

Why is it that the nice guys get sh*t on. I loved her so much and this guy just doesn't have half of whar I have.

I think we had entered the stage where the honeymoon period had ended and rather than work through the issues, she decided she wanted the thrill of a new relationship.

I was realistic and although it wasn't as exciting, I knew I wanted to stay with this girl forever. She's obviously not ready to commit to working through a relationship.

She'll probably end up making the same mistakes in this one, or get stuck in something she doesn't want because she's jumped in too quick.

I thought I was the emotionally immature one in the relationship

Time will tell, but try and move on . That is what I am trying to do and it is hard but it has to be done. I sometimes start thinking about it and stat asking myself why, how can she do this, what does she see in him, does she stll think of me, doesn't she remember what I did, what we had, etc... But the more I did that the more I saw that I couldn't answer any of this and it would be taking me a step back instead of forward. You need to be strong at that point and try and tell yourself to block it. I have come to see that there is the rational side of you and the emotional side. The way your acting is the emotional side coming out because you are hurt. YOu need to try and bring out the rational side which will calm you , what I mean is that you need to see what you really saw in her. Idont know if I am clear but for example the rational would be is she compatbile with me, is she smart, socialize with all my close friends, makes the effort, is she selfish , controlling. I'm sure at times she would get on your nerves and you need to try and pictures those moments and see frm there.
Trust me when I say this I am more or less going through the same but need to be strong. The hell with them, YOU ARE BETTER THAN HER.

To be honest, I think the job changed her. Not that I am a snob or anything, but it is a very unclassy place, i.e. a rough bar where you see stupid young girls all tarted up and stupid guys who think with their *****.

If she wants to be hanging around with those types of people then so be it. I saw a photo of her birthday fancy dress, and the costume she was wearing was very tacky and not like her at all. I just wonder where the nice classy intelligent girl I knew went to.

She's welcome to her new boyfriend. She can have a life where she struggles to get through the week if she wants. At least I know I'll never struggle for money.

It's like when you see a marriage fail and the husband suddenly has a motorbike and a dumb blonde on his arm. Our relationship has failed and now she has her rough biker boyfriend. I guess it's because you want to get as far away from what you had and get some excitement to take your mind off things. Who knows whether it lasts. It probably will.

It's just stupid because I could see it coming when she took the job. She does ridiculous hours at that place. It's basically taken over her life. You hear about bar staff having romances all the time. It's mad. I'm just annoyed to have fallen for someone who has turned into a stereotype.

Hey man I know what you mean, my ex has completely changed. From the girl who use to like coming home and chilling she became this party animal who has to go out drink. Also the kind of music she started listening to was the kind of music I always liked but she would always judge me for it. Now guess what she listen to that stuff. People change, not if it a tempory phse you will not know, again time will tell. Do your thing in the mean time, that s what I am trying to do

It just makes me think that she was never her true self with me and everything was a lie. I fell in love with someone who wasn't real and was just acting how she thought I wanted her to.

If she does that she's only lying to herself.

I'm annoyed that she never told me off when I made mistakes. How was I supposed to know I had upset her. If it was that important to her she should have said.

That is true, so you can use that as exerienced gained from this. In your next relatioshipyou will not do the same mistakes. A friend of mine told me something wise about my relationship the other day. She told that you know that you are better than this, you know her faults and they would bother you , you know the negatives. But knowing is nothing if you don't believe. You have believe you are better because it is true. I really fell hard for this girl and to have her end things like that 3 years after I can say hurt me... real bad. I did what you did and sometimes I almost enter this phase again but I pull out. (Like I told you I am in my 2nd month and it is better but when I tell you not to think about it trust me, because it only hurts more. For me working overseas right now When I come back I still have all her stuff at my place so that is going to be interesting haha) Why? Because it will bring you misery and no one else. Look at her she is off doing her thing while we are talking about this. Doesn't that annoy you. Granted it shows that you were sincere about her and that is a great quality, but at the same time need to tell yourself it is over and move on. (always remmber NC, again I didn't do that and I asked a friend about her a week ago and that put me back a couple weeks,so do NOT do it, stick to NC)

I'm honestly doing better and I don't really want to hear about what she is up to. Knowing that my sister in law is seeing her really does hurt though. I'm jealous and curious and hurt that my sister in law sees no wrongdoing on her part.

Anyway, it's her birthday tomorrow. Who wants to bet that she's engaged by the end of the week? Anyone? At this rate she'll be married in a registry office next month, then pregnant by the end of the year.

I'm going to text her happy birthday just to show I'm not petty. If I get any kind of response though, I'll just ignore it or reply in a way to end the "conversation" without giving away too much of my feelings. I don't want any more arguments and angry texts.

e.g. How are you?

Just planning my holiday. Cheers.

I just wish I could get this feeling of waiting for her to come back out of my system. I know it's not going to happen but I just have this constant lump in my throat as though one day suddenly everything will change. It's a nightmare. The rest of this year is just a write-off for me truly being happy as far as I'm concerned.

Although I won't text her. It's pointless.

I've never met anyone so similar to me. Maybe it's just what you do when you fall in love, but I see her as the female version of me. I even notice that the way we act/communicate/speak is similar.

I guess maybe we were too similar in that we were both scared to let each other know exactly how we felt. Seems like a stupid reason to break up.

I've given up on her ever talking to me again.

Try and go back to yesterdays attitude you were doing better, be strong Sammie. It gets better

Do I text her happy birthday? I don't want to appear spiteful but I don't want to hurt myself.

I'll decide later today.

I honestly feel it is not the best thing to do, because you clearly not over her, and might be looking at a way to reconnect, therefore I would have to say no. And you don't have to spiteful, hell I am not even sure why you would that you are being. Remember you did nothing wrong, she is the one that left.

How is it hurting you to ignore her birthday? How is that spiteful? Be honest, could you still be in shock, over this break up?

The truth is my friend, your still hoping to catch her attention, one more time.

How is it hurting you to ignore her birthday? How is that spiteful?? Be honest, could you still be in shock, over this break up??

The truth is my friend, your still hoping to catch her attention, one more time.

Absolutely, you don't have to do anything. She doesn't deserve any attention

I know I'm not over it yet but I know I'm slowly getting there. What happened was a huge shock to the system. HUGE. I thought after years of being single and never finding anybody that interested me enough I had found "the one". And I got sucked in big time.

She seemed so smitten by me that I got carried away. I thought I had done it. I probably took my foot off the gas and before I knew it, she was gone.

I texted her "Happy Birthday". No reply. I really could do with a hug. At least I did the right thing.

Our whole relationship was spent being scared to take what we wanted. She was paranoid that I didn't love her and I was scared to just let go and commit. The second I did she was off with another guy.

I think this might take a long time to get over. I need to get out and meet new girls as quickly as possible or I might waste my time pining over her. I joined a dating site to see what there was. One girl sounded my type. I might pay the subscription and email her.

I don't think you did the right thing. She ended this relationship, you're still grasping at straws. Now you are back at square one of NC. What's done is done, back to the NC drawing board... Let's get serious this time!

It's OK. Her not replying kind of gives me the sign I need.

I did the right thing by rising above it and being nice.

Maybe he was a rebound at the start, but he isn't now. I have no reason to contact her now anyway. Maybe Xmas she'll text me.

I just hope my feelings go soon. I'm the first one to admit that this has gone on too long. I'm obsessive and I can't help it. It's who I am. I had a similar situation with my high school crush. I was obsessed with her, then I began to dislike her and after university when our lives eventually crossed again, although I still had a tiny place for her in my heart, she didn't really do anything for me. I guess because we'd both changed and grown to be different people.

My only hope is to become a different person and grow out of loving her. Hopefully next time I meet her I'll realise that she's a different person - one that wouldn't satisfy me. Love is a horrible horrible thing when it goes wrong.

I guess I just put her in the bucket of girls I've ever had feelings for but don't see anymore. I really thought she was going to be the one I married.

I've also decided that she dumped me because of something I did to her which upset her a lot and she forced herself to move on. It seems to make more sense that way. That's why it was out of the blue and why she couldn't hide her feelings when she saw me after. That's why she clearly wasn't over me at the time.

She said she hated the way I treated her and I think it all comes down to this one thing. In saying that, she was still ready to jump into another relationship for the right or wrong reasons.

I think she decided she couldn't turn back even when I told her I loved her.

He was a rebound - hence the extremely fast relationship. Now, I think she is over me and moved on. I guess if she really loved me then things would have worked out.

Life goes on...

Back to analysing again. Great.

These excuses she gave are probably ways to make herself feel better, at your misery. Do not look it what she said and how she had said. She broke it off she messed up, she has to be the one feeling the guilt (if she did care) but doesn't and you are still analying everything she is saying because you think this is somehow maybe your fault, it isn't. Do not fall for that. ONCE MORE she BROKE it off. My ex told me she still misses hang in out with me but didn't really do much about it. So the hell with that.

You're right.

"I'm leaving something s**t for something good" is what she told me after we broke up. Something/someone, it's the same thing.

Back in the angry phase.

I'm beginning to hate her.

I just don't like my sister in law being her friend. Someone who I love and never want to fall out with is happy to be friends with someone who was HORRIBLE to me.

Recently two of our good friends fell out and my sister in law took sides then, but why doesn't she take my side now. I'm family. This whole thing is just killing me. My sister in law is happy for my ex's new relationship. They've been chatting on myspace. I can't avoid it - I'm only looking at my sister in laws and only because she sent me a message.

I'm so paranoid my sister in law is going to be best friends with her. I mean, that's what I wanted then, but now it's just torture. She only met her through me and she's now getting closer than when we were together.

I don't know who to turn to now. If my own family aren't on my side anymore then who is?

Any ideas? This is a girl who dumped me and told me that I was basically the scum of the earth and it's like everyone is on her side.

Am I being unreasonable?

No, it only seems like everyone is on her side. You'll see things clearly as you heal, and the emotions aren't so fresh, and intense.

Had another bad time today.

Up and down, up and down.

I guess. I fell out with my sister in law because she seemed so happy for my ex in her new relationship.

I just make everyone unhappy.

Especially yourself. And that's completely your choice.

Go work out.

When you curl those dumbbells, think of the angry things..

I do that :O

I can't wait for my holiday. I should've taken a longer trip.

I'm annoyed at myself more than anybody.

Obviously not enough to change and adjust.

Ho hum. She's the one missing out. I just got back from a good weekend away with friends.

I'm just pretending she doesn't exist anymore. She threw away a relationship with someone who loved her more than anything and someone who has so much in common with her it is scary.

And she's jumped into this relationship far too quickly whether it works out or not. I don't care anymore. I've taken the advice - I'm just thinking about me now. I've been on a dating website and I've had a few emails already. I'm going to enjoy myself trying to find someone else rather than worry about her. Maybe the next relationship will be too soon for me, but I'm not going to be as stupid as to commit myself too early. Anything I do will be done slowly and honestly.

I realise that I blew it and she's better off without me. Onward to the next girl I guess.

I miss her so much.

You think her rebound/really fast relationship will last? I think it probably will.

I think I feel about my sister in law the same as my ex felt about me. I know she doesn't mean to hurt me but she has, and I just don't feel the same about her anymore - loss of trust. But it's different because I know I'll make up with my sister in law eventually. My ex just jumped for the next guy to show an interest.

I need to make up with my sister in law, but I really don't feel like it just now.

You are putting yourself down and making it worse, do not do it. You say earlier I will pretend she does not exist anymore, why pretend, take her out of your life for good, THAT IS IT. You move on to say that you realise you blew it, why would you think that. She is the one that ended things not you, therefore she blew it. You had something with her and she took it away, her fault. Stop putting yourself down because it will only affect one person... you. I went through this and at one point you realize the hell with this and her, I am better than this and yes you are better. So what if you have to wait a while to find another girl, there is no shame in that.

I just miss her.

Things just seemed to go against us. I hate that she's not in my life. I know I should move on and find someone else but she was the one I had always wanted and I'm never going to find anything the same.

When it was going well with us I was so happy and so was she. She just drifted away from me because of her job and because I broke up with her when I got scared. I thought I was doing the right thing by not lying to her, but I probably acted too quickly and without thinking it through properly. I forced her to move on.

Its normal to miss her because you are still not over her. And the fact that she is around is not helping much either. Accept that this feeling will not go away for a while. Don't suppress but don't let it take over.
Firstly you should move on and stand on your own two feet before you find someone else.
You won't find anything the same, you are right, but you will find something you will enjoy more. Don't idealise what you had because its not letting you move on. And don't blame yourself, she made her choice and you just have to accept it. Im on the same boat here and know what you are going through.

The best thing I could tell you would be lose the enemy, but the enemy is you. Stop beating yourself up, and get with the program. Crying and wallowing for 30 straight days is enough for anyone so, when do you start the healing process, and love yourself above all else?? Don't you know how?? You have had many good suggestions, so when do you start??

I might have a date this week. I've been texting a girl and she seems really nice.

I know I'm not over my ex, so I'm a bit apprehensive. It's just that when I started finding out about my ex, we had so much in common it was ridiculous. Maybe everyone feels like that I don't know. But everything from her dress sense, her music tastes, the poses she had on her graduation photos, it was like discovering the female me. Maybe that's part of the problem though. Maybe we were too similar.

I'm going to take it slow with this girl I'm going to date. I don't want to use her as a rebound. I want to see what she is like, and decide if I like her. I'm going to try and not compare her to my ex, but that was one problem I had about my ex - I had nobody to compare her to. I always thought I needed a comparison to base my feelings on, then I realised I loved her for her and not because she was "better" than anyone.

I don't know what I should really do here. Go on the date and move on is the best way I think I can do this.

A date just for fun, and not anything else, sound s like a good idea.

I just feel like I'm cursed. I think about things far too much. When were together I ended it by thinking too much, then after we split up I am just torturing myself by thining about it.

I can't get her out of my head.

Seriously, if I had written down the things I wanted from a woman before I met her, she'd have been 99% her. And I know we aren't going to speak again.

I know it seems like I've put her on a pedestal, but I know she wasn't perfect. She was just so close to it and I acted like an idiot and forced her to fall out of love. I ruin everything.

I can't get her out of my head.

A month down the line of me and my ex being apart I thought I was actually going insane. She was constantly on my mind no matter what I did.

You must wholeheartedly make yourself busy and focus! Don't do things for the sake of it, do things you genuinely enjoy and force yourself to be around people. Build up new relationships and work on old ones. You need good friends at a time like this.. but trust me it does get better.

I think she was initially attracted to me because I appeared confident - I was on top of the world while we dated but then when I wasn't seeing her because of her job, I got a bit down and it was when I was the most down, she left me.

I'm not that confident really and it's hurt me so much.

I Hear you man.. it's a tough process to get through. You must pick yourself up and find a happy healthy life without her. She's moving on and you have no choice but to face that she isn't the one for you.

Could you really forgive her for doing this to you? Could you forgive her for getting with another guy so soon after you guys split?

I've thought about it and I really don't know. I'd have to see her face to face and see what emotions come up.

I may have 2 potential dates coming up now. Dating websites are mad!

I hope I find someone I like more than her. Either way, I hope she comes sniffing back round and I can stick it to her if I'm happier.

. Either way, I hope she comes sniffing back round and I can stick it to her if I'm happier.

This is not the way to go, do not do this for her to come around. This is for you.

Oh I know, but it would be nice to see her admit she made a mistake. Won'y happen though. I'm horrible in her eyes.

Wouldn't it be better if you realised that this wasn't the girl for you and that there was someone else that was 100% of what you were looking for in someone, irrespective of whether she will admit she made a mistake?
You cannot just take her out of your mind. You just need to distract yourself and focus your thoughts elsewhere.
I felt like I was on top of the world right before I started dating her. After 3 years she cheated on me and ran off with someone else when I was going through the roughest patch at work and my life in general. But you know what, things happen for a reason and this happened to test whether she could stand by you during tough times and not just the good ones. You wouldn't want to be with someone that runs off when things get tough. I know I was there for her at all times and I have no regret for that because I knew where I was standing at all times. Don't doubt yourself and don't bring yourself down.

I understand all that.

Put it this way - I loved her more than anything but I kept getting scared. I was the one doing the running, because every time it felt like things were getting serious, I ran. We both felt the same about each other but I just had to overthink things and panic. She was good enough to come back to me twice after I dumped her. But obviously I had hurt her so much and put too much doubts in her mind.

So I am the bad guy. If it was her after advice you guys would all be saying "lose this jerk". The sad thing is I totally loved her and made stupid knee jerk decisions until I forced her to have to move on to someone else.

My love for her just grew and grew, and hers did too, but then I'd ruin it by breaking up with her when I panicked. I was scared of being in love and now it's gone.

I know I'm never going to find anyone like her. The 7 months I was with her will probably be the peak of my life because what we had was so special.

I've been chatting with this other girl by text and email and she seems really nice but I know already from things she said that she won't be as good for me

You made a mistake, forgive yourself, and move on and prepare for what life has to offer you.

If your negative attitude is any indication as to what you need to be working on, you better get busy.



I know I'm never going to find anyone like her. The 7 months I was with her will probably be the peak of my life because what we had was so special.


We all feel that way after a break up, and after only knowing someone for only 7 months your whole outlook is pretty pathetic. I have been nice up until now, but sitting on a pity pot this long is redicules, beating yourself up is stupid, and and you really should get your azz up and moving and get a real life.

You might be right about the advice that people would give her but no one would tell her to jump into another relationship so fast and move in with someone without even thinking about it. Both of you might have made mistakes and it is good to analyse them and realise where you went wrong but not obsess over them. This did not happen overnight and whatever you did at the time seemed right.
The timing for everything was not right and you both panicked.
If you really make youreslf believe that the time with her was the peak of your life then you are being unfair to both yourself and the next person in your life. People set their own limits and even before you meet someone you believe she won't be as good for you then you will not even give her a chance to prove whether she is or not. Just calm down and let new things come into your life.

I walked past her on the street last night. Didn't have any urge to talk to her at all. I just kept my head down and carried on walking. She probably never saw me. I think I'm getting there.

I have a date in 2 hours. I really hope it goes well. I've been emailing a girl from a dating website and we seem to get on well and she looks pretty from her photos so fingers crossed. We got onto the topic about ex partners and I almost blew it by telling her about my ex so I know I must never talk to anyone about her again.

So my date last night went incredibly well. We got on like a house on fire and she's so different to my ex. Only problem is there's a few things about her that I don't like. She's not as cute and safe and the kind of girl my parents would approve of if you know what I mean. But she is really fun and we had a great time together.

It's a tough call, because my ex was perfect - exactly the type of girl I wanted. And I did want to marry her. This other girl is so different, a lot more "zest" and confident and I know she isn't suitable for me in the long run but she's fun and we had a great time together. It's strange.

Hmm.

Just got back from my date's apartment. I'm beginning to see things differently now.

Apparently I'm really clingy and started to irritate my date by trying to touch her and kiss her. It made me feel like I was a bit annoying and wonder if my date was really into me.

My ex dumped me because I didn't show her enough attention and made her feel annoying and wonder if I was really into her.

So I've obviously gone from one extreme to the other! Gone from one really clingy dependent girl, to one really independent & less affectionate person.

I can tell it won't last with this new girl already but we can have some fun for a while I guess.

Obviously I'm somewhere in the middle of those two because my ex gave me all the affection I needed, but sometimes (usually when I was tired in the morning) I didn't give her enough affection and it irritated me that it upset her. This new girl won't give me what I need and I'll irritate her.

I'm glad I'm learning these things. Just wish my ex hadn't been so clingy because I loved her so much. And I am really clingy too, so I don't get it. I'm seeing it differently though.

Already my new date and I have spoken about clingyness and her apparent disinterest. That's more than what my ex ever did with me. I wish my ex had asked me straight up how I felt about her rather than assume because it would have stopped both of us getting hurt. I can see that although I made mistakes, it wasn't my fault that we never talked about it because I didn't know she was unhappy and she might end up doing the same in this relationship she's jumped into. I've had a good 3 months to analyse and I'm not taking anything quickly with this girl!

The girl I'm seeing just explained that she was just really tired and wasn't feeling like hugs, etc. but she really liked me. I think I can be the same sometimes and be like a zombie.

I have read pretty much through all of your posts because I am going through pretty much the same thing. It has been a week and a half since my ex broke up with me.

Here is the link to my post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/unexpectedly-dumped-248629.html

I just wanted to let you know that there is somebody else out here dealing with the same type of emotions. I know that might help sometimes. Congrats on taking the steps to try to move on!

Thanks. Stay strong.

I still miss her and am gutted at what happened but I'm finding out about other girls now and enjoying the differences in personality.

It's made me realise that maybe we weren't that well suited although I still feel we were so similar.

I still can't get this feeling of "waiting for something to happen" to go.

I feel like I'm desperate to see my new girl all the time, but I think I'm realising that it's more about missing what I had with my ex. I'm not surprised she moved in with her new man so quickly - total rebound!

She's probably over the rebound period now though. I don't think I am, so I'll be careful.

Don't think it's going to work with this girl. I'm too paranoid about all her male friends and I don't know how she feels about me. I'm getting really mixed signals.

I've completely lost trust in other people from what my ex did. Great.

And its over. 5 days. Well done me. I got too paranoid and clingy for her.

She said she really liked me but I obviously have trust issues left over from my previous relationship.

So I'm doomed to this dating game I guess.

Hang in there bro! I'm really starting to believe in picking up hobbies. It takes your mind off trying to find someone, and allows them to find you.
You are at least taking steps to moving on! Congrats on that! Just remember that the next girl you date isn't your ex, so give them the same chance you gave your ex (even though that sounds crazy). I to have to learn this lesson.

You are still not over her, which is why this thing with this girl did not really work out. Your ex is still in the back on your mind and I don't think you were being honest with yourself it giving this girl a chance. Give it some time and thiings will get better, trust me. You do not need to start dating again right now, there is no problem with being single... make sure you have closed the page with your ex before dating again.

It's horrible. She was a lovely girl, but I couldn't believe she would want to be with me and I just got paranoid.

My ex has ruined my trust in people

Just be glad that you are making an effort to move on. You are still not over your ex and that is why you are acting like this. I am going through a similar situation here and I am still having a pretty rough time after 1.5 months. It is really hard taking her out of my mind and whenever I've been out with girls it didn't go to well because I was constantly comparing them to my ex. So I have decided for the time being to give myself the time to get over this by hanging out with friends and focusing on hobbies to keep my mind off things. I suggest you do the same. Im guessing that right now you feel like you will never get over these issues, because that is the way I feel but just take it a day at a time and see how it goes.

It's horrible. She was a lovely girl, but I couldn't believe she would want to be with me and I just got paranoid.

My ex has ruined my trust in people

Not true. Your standing in your own way. Hey your not marrying this girl, JUST HAVING FUN WITH A STRANGER, just what you need , so quite pining, and stop letting the ex live rent free in your head! That's YOUR doing not hers.

For some reason you are still making excuses and going back to that idea of that "perfect relatioship" and that perfect girl. Cleary it was not perfect or if perhaps it was it changed as you guys changed (people evolve and grow as the relatioship matures and that can separate them sometimes). I still believe that you are still trying to figure her out, and see what your actions should be. WRONG!! You need to start doing what you WANT and that s it. Hey if she sees that you have moved on maybe she will see you in a different way again or maybe not but at that point you can look and see if there will be a place for friendship maybe but until than you need to blockher from your head, every time you look or do something that reminds you of her , just STOP and block her out and get distracted with something else. I told you before I am in the situation and I feel I am handling it better because as I read through these various posts I tried to do exactly what tal and the others said, for some reasons you apply thoses things but than stop... Don't :)

I don't really care about my ex anymore. I care about me but I just seem to be going through these really mental panicky moods just now.

The girl I went on a date with was LOVELY and we had a brilliant time on Thursday. Then instead of accepting I had a good first date and looking forward to another, I rushed it and saw her on Friday. Then when she didn't want to see me on Saturday I got paranoid. Then I began analysing things she'd said and done and looking for things to go wrong.

Then by Sunday night I was texting her asking if her flatmate was actually her boyfriend. And she just got sick of my questions and paranoia and decided she couldn't handle it.

I don't know what set me off. She said some things that made me think she wasn't telling me the truth - like her flatmate didn't like her having guys round. And she was a bit hot and cold with me as well. Then she didn't seem to want to do anything with me.

I basically chased her away before she even got to know me because I was acting like a maniac.

I maybe just need more time. It has helped in some respects though. I know that my ex isn't the only girl that I could be happy with. And I know I'm not unattractive.

It's just that I appear to have turned mental.

Like I said before, you don't have to rush back and start dating. Clearly you still have to get your confidance and yourself back. This is in my opinion why you reacted the way you did because you felt a small kind of "rejection" and didn't know what to do of it. Do not be desperate, it s great you got yourself a date but don't try and speed things up, let it flow. It is great that you are looking at possibilities with this girl but at the same time you are trying to hard. I believe you are trying to speed things in order to close that emptiness that was caused by the break up, essentially replacing your ex with her for the sake of being with someone. Do not do it, let things flow my man.

And no you are not mental, just living life and right now more of the worst side. Chill it really is not the end.

Thanks, I'm trying to take the positives out of it - even if the new girl thinks I'm psycho and doesn't want to speak to me. I totally panicked and freaked her out.

It's just annoying because she was lovely

I think you are right about the rejection stuff.

I wish I could go back a week and not let my emotions get in the way. Idiot!

Keep on learning from these little steps. At first, I felt like I would be able to find all the answers in one relationship, but that is not the case at all. I have been taking stock in all of my past small relationships, and also this last "big" relationship, and I am clearly gathering what I want in a partner, instead of what I thought I "needed" in a partner. This is making it easier to move on from this void that I am feeling, and giving me more confidence in the fact that I will someday find somebody that doesn't treat me with disrespect. I've realized that I don't miss "her", but I miss the companionship. I feel that if I can give that much love to somebody that treated me wrong, just think of how much love I can give to a caring, beautiful soul.

Just hang in there bud, and everything is going to be all right!

Here is a link that has helped me out A LOT!

Ways to Get Revenge on an Ex - Associated Content (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/633777/ways_to_get_revenge_on_an_ex.html?cat=41)

And don't be fooled by the title of the link, it's not about seeking revenge, but a way to better yourself for you!

I just don't want to end up scaring off every woman I meet because I won't be able to trust them. The girl I met was lovely and I just acted like an idiot.

I had a total panic attack when I thought she might not be as keen on me as I was on her. I wish I could just relax and let it happen without scaring off everyone.

I'm pretty sure my ex thinks I'm a psycho and this girl probably does too, because I freaked them out by getting myself in a bit of a state.

One good thing is that I'm not thinking about my ex. Just about the new girl.

I ruin everything by overanalysing though. Ruined my first relationship this way, and ruined this one before it had barely got off the ground.

That's something to work on, and correct before it happens again. You can't just do nothing, and expect change.

Why can't you forget the romance and just have fun as friends? Then you don't have to trust as there are no obligations either way, and if she has fun, maybe you get another date, and so on..

Personally I never cared if my dates loved me, as long as they showed up, and we had fun.

She doesn't want to see me at all unfortunately. I'm a psycho in her eyes.

I broke up with my first girlfriend a couple of times because I started overthinking negatively and did the same this time. I'm a perfectionist and it's ruining me. I know nobody is perfect. My ex came close, and this girl was lovely as well.

I need to meet someone who likes me and just make sure I snap myself out of the negative thoughts. I know I'm totally to blame for everything that's gone on.

Do you need meds, or something, as you sure jump in the funk fast. One thing for sure, you'll never have healthy relationships until your healthy, and why are you so focused on a female, rather than having a great life without them?

From here, it seems like all you do is sit and abuse yourself, so my question is what else do you do with your time??

I agree, just have fun and do not overthink it, trust me. Go without expectations and just enjoy the moment and the company. I know with my ex I never thought I would be with her for this long, in fact the first time we went out for diner, it was casul for me. Tak eeverything that way, it will be great I guarantee it.

Yeah, I overthink EVERYTHING and I'm really hard on myself.

I do have a good life - a group of good friends and good hobbies. I'm actually really busy, but it's the quiet moments when I get down. I really miss my ex. I totally loved her, but I can't do anything about it now.

I'm just trying to find someone else and I'm learning all the time. I was stupid to rush in with the girl I dated last week. We got on so well that it felt really easy, but I just got into a panic and freaked her out. She probably thinks I'm always like that.

A girl gave me her number in a club last night. I texted her today, but I won't rush it at all.

My ex has rushed into something with her workmate, but he obviously likes the attention, so it's working for them.

Why are you comparing this all the time to your ex, stop!! So she rushed in it let her, let her make her mistakes now, I know she will see it everntually. If there is one thing you have to is not compare, everyone reacts differently to a break up and this is unfortunetely her way. You will find someone else, but you need to be yourself again and it will happen in you own time.

Overthinking again, that's why :-)

I have a potential 2 dates this week. I hope I get on as well with them as I did with last weeks date. This time I won't mess up though! My brother came out with a good line though - she told me stuff that made me paranoid so she dumped her problems on me as much as I maybe did on her.

1st date didn't go great...

Nice girl, but no spark at all.

Sigh. Bit bored of it all now.

Good... a sign of progress. Getting tired of talking about this is a good step

I got chatting to a girl on msn from the dating website and I think I scared her off straight away by talking about my previous dates.

I'm too honest for my own good sometimes.

Let the past be the past but focus now on the present. You can casually mention something about your ex or past dates if she mentions something but do not make that the focus of your conversation, it will be akward. Another thing to remember is that they way you describe your past relationship and your ex girlfriend says a lot about you, it is like going for a job interview where you have to talk about your previous boss, I am sure they will not think of hiring you if you keep on dissing and mbad mouthing your ex boss. This is the same. But overall I would just really stay away from this topic in the futur

Yeah, noted! She did ask, but I just told her too much. It's because I'm quite an open person - I don't hide anything. And it still stirs up fellings I guess.

One of my friends was telling me to just learn to bite my tongue sometimes.

Sharing is good, but depending on who the listener is, if it someone new who you are possibly looking at dating, it is good to keep things short. If it is your close friend, then no problem.

I don't know why, but I've really missed my ex the last couple of days. It's weird because I've not been thinking about her recently.

I really need to wise up. Went out drinking last night and had to leave work at lunchtime because I was too ill to work. I've been going out drinking a lot and keeping myself ultra busy so I don't think about things. It's catching up to me though.

No more drinking.

Alcohol is not the solution, be careful as to how much you drink. It is good that you realize your mistakes as you do them and take action. That is actually fantastic. You can do anything in moderation.
Now regarding you missing her, you will always have days when something will remind you of her or some less then cheerful ldays , when these days come just quickly get yourself busy and take the images out of your head. I honeslty think if you start to remmeber and start to think too much into the past it will make your day miserable, so as soon as you get feelings about her just distract yourself and move on. Do not over analyse anything.

You're right. I'm trying to do that as much as I can.

Good, and remember that you are not alone going through this, people have been there and are happier and better with lives now, that will happen soon enough for you.
You and I have been almost in the same situtation a days or weeks apart and from what I can tell you have mae a lot of improvements, I know I have and when those days come where you feel down always remember that she is the one that is missing out not being with you, not the other way around and that you are better of now.

I was at a wedding dance at the weekend and it brought back lots of memories from the last dance we were at. I was really upset because they were such happy memories and I was all alone at this dance, but I've snapped out of it. I feel a lot calmer than I've been for a while tonight. Although I still hate myself for breaking up with her and getting back with her.

I've been so up and down and desperate to get out and not be alone, but today I've been OK so hopefully this is me turning a new leaf.

It still gets to me how it happened. One minute she was speaking about the future with me, the next she's in love with someone else and has "given up" on me. I'm really confused about where my life is going at the moment.

Just hang in there, bud! Times are rough right now, and I hate to use a quote from a movie, but,

"The night is darkest just before the dawn."

Right now might seem like a sh*t pile, but allow your friends, family, hobbies and yourself be the stable boys and begin to clean up the pile of sh*t. You can't get rid of it all in one scoop. It takes time.

I know how hard it is to have somebody manipulate you into believing that they are the one, and then they pick up their things and move on without even blinking. It's straight up ridiculous if you ask me! But, you cannot allow them to ruin your life, while they are obviously enjoying theirs! This is who she is, and yeah it sucks to find out that the person you loved was pretty much a fraud, but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. It sucks to realize this, and it will take time to get past this hurt. And that is exactly what is going to heal this horrible sting. I just got some great advice not too long ago which has been helping me with the healing process.

"Start becoming the person that the ones closest to you will be proud of and respect."

If you cut yourself off from being happy because of your ex, then nobody will be given the chance to enjoy you for YOU! Life is short my friend, and it should be enjoyed!
Take more time to grieve, but don't allow it to be the only thing you do! Enjoy the beauty of life, instead of dwelling on one bad aspect. If you begin to be happy and surround yourself in things you enjoy, then it is inevitable that you will find somebody, without even looking.

Take care bud and remember to enjoy the beauty of the day!

Your so busy being about her, and her decisions, your not making decisions for yoursef. More specifically, where your life is going. We are talking nearly two months of confusion. Just think, if you had put that time, and energy, into where your life is going. Heck, you could have moved on, and had 100 dates, 59 new g/f's, by now, and a new car, and some killer threads.

Keep on thinking about her though, and wonder why your CONFUSED about where your life is going. Not to late to start thinking of it now though.

I have been going on dates and meeting new girls with no success as yet. I just got used and tricked and it's difficult to understand. I'm only thinking about it today because of the dance last night, but I just can't get over how alike we were and how we seemed to just be made for each other and in love, then suddenly I'm told that everything was a lie and she actually doesn't give a sh*t about me.

It's really made me lose trust in people and I wish I knew what I was looking for in a woman because she was what I was looking for until I found out that it wasn't real.

I know that sounds a bit muddled but it's hard to describe. I'm just a little lost at the moment and don't know how to get back to where I want to be.

Maybe that's just how I made her feel when I broke up with her. She maybe felt insecure with me and this guy at her work made her feel secure. That's why she broke up with me for him and moved in so fast - security. I just wished she had realised that I had always intended on spending my life with her and only broke it off in a panic. My fault though. I just won't do it to the next girl I fall for.

Sammy:

I read your entire post and I have a few suggestions:

1. Never listen to a woman's words only her actions. They all lie. Women will stay in relationships even when they are not happy until they find someone else and then BAM, the guy is left blindsided as you are. She was done long ago, realize it now.

2. You need to get on a mild antidepressant like paxil. There is nothng wrong with this but this will help get the thoughts of her out of your mind, because this one is driving you crazy. Then ween yourself off it in 6 months.

3. You cannot move to the future until you are done with the past. Learn to enjoy being with yourself. I know everyone says this but it's true. I have more woman now, then I can handle, and frankly its because I couldn't care less about being with them. Today, I tiled a bathroom by myself and enjoyed every minute of being with myself and creating something of importance, instead of listening to some mind numbing drama stories about what her stupid friends are doing.

4. The next girl is always better than the last. You know why? Because you realize how shallow the last one was when you meet the next one.

5. You are the Prize, not her. Keep this in your mind ALWAYS. Woman wan men, not little boys, so from now on, you are the man, you are the prize. Deal with it. Lead, don't follow. Inherently, woman seek shelter and security, show it to them and if you can't fake it.

6. Woman want what they cannot have. When you have a hot girlfriend, every other girl wants you, it's called validation. Keep a few around. You do this by being friends with them, but always letting them know that you want to have sex with them.

BTW, your ex is an insecure flake who doesn't know what she wants. You are not the one who screwed up. You will realize this when you find a girl that treats you well and is mature.

Also, when you go on these dates, don't ever bring up the ex. If asked, simple state that you went for a few months but she didn't 't meet your standards. Then change the subject, to something like, "so, when are you going to cook me dinner?"

Also, you want to know about rebounds - read my past posts on it. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/rebound-relationships-why-dont-they-work-173799-2.html#post835484

The fact that she could have been with me but not wanting me makes me feel sick. I know this is true because she told my sister in law she was "falling for me but blocking me out" because she didn't want to get hurt. I think she started to hate and resent me to do this.

It's my fault for messing her about.

I'm much better - the only problem I have is that it still feels 'unreal' and like a bad dream. At one point we were both mad about each other.

I feel that because you have no other "real" relationship to compare this one to that you think this was the perfect one for you. I am sure that you had great times, but these are not the current times and are in the past.
I feel you are not making an effort to block her out of your head and I feel that every time you think about her you start analizing everything. You need to control that, but I am telling you that this will make your next relationship better as you have learned from this and are a step closer to knowing what it is that you want in a women.

I'm much better - the only problem I have is that it still feels 'unreal' and like a bad dream. At one point we were both mad about each other.

I have been following your thread since I have been going through a similar situation over the last 2 months. You say you are much better but every chance you get you drag yourself down again.

Ok so lets say you were responsible for messing things up (which I totally disagree with as I have stated in my previous posts on your thread). Haven't you ever made a mistake in your life again? And if you have how did you deal with it? And most importantly what did you learn from it and how did it help you make the right decisions the next time you had to deal with a tough situation?

Now as for the question on where your life is heading the answer is wherever you want it to. Where was your life heading before you met this girl? Did you ever wonder where your life was heading before you met this girl? This situation has helped you question all aspects of yourself and your life and if anything will help you figure out where you want your life to head to.

I'm much better - the only problem I have is that it still feels 'unreal' and like a bad dream. At one point we were both mad about each other.

I have been following your thread since I have been going through a similar situation over the last 2 months. You say you are much better but every chance you get you drag yourself down again.

Ok so lets say you were responsible for messing things up (which I totally disagree with as I have stated in my previous posts on your thread). Haven't you ever made a mistake in your life again? And if you have how did you deal with it? And most importantly what did you learn from it and how did it help you make the right decisions the next time you had to deal with a tough situation?

Now as for the question on where your life is heading the answer is wherever you want it to. Where was your life heading before you met this girl? Did you ever wonder where your life was heading before you met this girl? This situation has helped you question all aspects of yourself and your life and if anything will help you figure out where you want your life to head to.

she told my sister in law she was "falling for me but blocking me out" because she didn't want to get hurt. I think she started to hate and resent me to do this.

This is female talk so she could feel better about herself and look good in your SIL's eyes. It's all BS, she's done.

You need to quit blaming yourself and help yourself. People your age and particularly women are flaky and do not know what they want. The other guy is not better, it's just what she wanted at the moment.

A good women will be there for you through thick and thin as you should for her, and you stating you need some personal time is thin not thick, so don't go blaming yourself again.

Plus, this is the time for you to have the time of your life, but first you need to get right. Take the paxil, if you are depressed and thinking 24/7 this.

You need to get busy. We have all been through this. 6 months time you will feel better. Put it on the calendar and set that as your goal.

Also, on a side note, cut out pictures of everything you want in life and put it in a folder. Open it up and look at the photos each day. In 20 years you will have the majority of them. I did and it works.

I am doing lots of new things and I don't think of her 24/7. I just miss her from time to time

Ok so there is progress, just keep reminding yourself that.
Before, you would think about her all the time and would obssess about it and would try to understand her every movement.

Now You miss her from time to time. You start to see that she is not perfect.

Later, You will rarely think of her and if you do you will quickly remember and get it out off your head and move on with your day. At this point I guarantee you will see her differently and will be fine.

I am I think now in the later stage, when I think of her now I laugh at how stupid I was when I would just feel powerless on so many occasions and how I would just be trying to do stuff for her, In fact did too much according to people which granted made me look good but unnecessary. You then start to see that in many ways she was not for you and that peoples advice all along made sense, you were just to "in a zone" to see it.

On top of this time will help you and everything will work out. I remember telling you way back that I could give her 20 times what her new official guy could in many ways, but now I realize there is more to life then just being with someone. Her life in the last 4 years has been the same in the sense now no new changes except our breakup and the "replacement" , I mean she was even suppose to graduate and a few days before decided to stay at school for another three years and "try" soemthing new, are you kidding me haha, still not mature and not for a while I am sure. You see this is one of the things I see now (that I couldn't before) was that I would try and believe and make her seem like someone she was not in my head, putting her on a higher pedestal, and that would be make act more obssesive (which is not me) because I would try and make her be and act like the girl I wanted and thought she was.
Meanwhile my life right now is going uphill again. First of I lined up a new job for next year already paying mid 6 figures ( and I'm only 23), second everyone tells me still how happy they are to see me as myself again and not with her (interseting right ) and third I found out this girl has a huge crush on me (which is cool to know it boost self confidence :) ). So "just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in". We went from a happy state (before the breakup) to a sad, sad and sad state but that happy state is right aroung the corner, believe me .

Keep on doing what you are doing, and you will be yourself in notime... Guarantee

I am getting better and happier all the time. I just can't see anyone else giving me what she did. Like I say, we matched so well. I'll meet someone at some point I guess

I guarantee you will.

I just hope I meet someone and actually think she is better. I don't think I will. I might have the same feelings, but it's hard for me to judge only having had 1 girlfriend.

We both were absolutely smitten with each other until I ruined it by breaking up when I panicked. So I don't know if I can love someone more. It's confusing!

Let me fill you in on something you have not experienced yet.

When you have learned to deal with your feelings, and emotions, in a healthy way, you will also be able to understand, and deal with the emotions, and feelings of others, a lot better.

Then you will realize how special you are as an individual, and appreciate how special others are as individuals.

Then you will know that there are many females that are out here, who are not only more compatible than your ex was, but bond, communicate and want to work with you to build a relationship, and aren't confused, about it either.

So the bottom line is, by letting go, and dealing with yourself, and your own feelings, you will be better prepared, for a much better, caring and sharing, relationship. I guarantee it!!

If that don't motivate you, to move to better things, nothing will.

I just came back from a date. It went well and she's really nice. I just don't feel on the same wavelength though. I do want to give it a chance though and get to know her. She's really likeable.

Did you both have a great time??

Take things slow, do not go out hoping to feel something for someone so fast, give it time. Again go out for the fun of going out and see where that takes you. Do not go out thinking "hey is she my possible new girl" (something along those lines :) ). Relax, be yourself and take it slow

It was fun, but I didn't feel an immediate connection like I've had before. She's a little bit younger than me so maybe we're not quite on the same page, but I'm not going to rush anything.

I'm quite glad she lives with her parents - it means I can't rush it even if I wanted to.

Relax, and enjoy yourself, no expectations.

Exactly my intentions. I still miss my ex, and it's still an effort to not look at her Facebook etc, but I'm enjoying texting this new girl. She's really nice. Maybe not quite what I want long term but we'll see.

Still gutted that my ex chose the excitement of a new relationship over a commitment to me. Like you say, she obviously doesn't know what she wants. It has really made me lose faith a bit though. Do we just fall in love with the person we spend most time with? That's what she did.

"Do we just fall in love with the person we spend most time with? That's what she did"

You do not know that so don't think it. Why do you still about how she acts, it will not help in anyway, trust me. If you feel you start thinking about a particular time you were together or what she had gotten you that day on your birthday or whatever STOP. What good will it do nothing. Move forward thinking you had a great time with her and it was fun and she had a great time as well. But now it s unfortuenelty over.

Now, with the new girl, it is good you are taking things slow. You get to know a little and maybe start liking this girl. Give her and yourself a chance without ANY comparison the ex.
Good luck

I'm not really comparing as such.

I knew when my ex got the bar job, we'd drift apart and she'd get attached to the barman she spent most time with. It happened. I just don't believe in love anymore I'm afraid.

I knew when my ex got the bar job, we'd drift apart and she'd get attached to the barman she spent most time with.

If you had a feeling about this then the only thing it means is that she had shown signs of instability and you did not fully trust her, possibly because of things she had done in the past. Maybe that is why you panicked early in the relationship as you said. Would you want to be with someone that every time they started a new job or be around new people would make you worry on whether they will fall in love with them?

Maybe you are right. I just thought that with the amount of time she spent at that bar we couldn't see each other enough to grow together.

I still miss her every day.

I have come to realize, maybe you aren't missing her, but you are missing what she gave to you. Comfort, security in knowing somebody will be there, someone to wake up to in the morning, etc. etc.

I wrote down everything that I feel like I am looking for in a woman, and then I crossed out all of the parts that my ex didn't fulfill. Surprisingly, there weren't many things left on that list. She fulfilled a lot of my physical needs, but emotionally and mentally she was destroying me. About a month into the relationship I started to get doubts about her trustworthiness, and that isn't healthy for anyone in a relationship. I even came across some writing that I did before I dated her which was talking about her and her pursuit of me, and how I feel like she is all kinds of wrong and that I am going to avoid the temptations of her. Well, I succumbed to temptations, and paid the price.

It's tough, but keep your head up and don't give up on humanity and love. If you enjoy your life, then the woman of your dreams will appear basically out of nowhere.

And it's understandable that you miss her because she was apart of your life in a big way, but think of everything else you are MISSING out on while sitting around missing her...

Shame she was everything I wanted and still is.

I was just too caught up in thinking "she's my first girlfriend so I wonder what the next will be like" and I realised she was perfect for me too late.

I have nothing but love and admiration for her. I just have to accept that my feelings won't change and I'll have to find someone else and hope I love them more.

Met up with my date again last night. She's really nice and I don't have to worry about her being too young because she isn't. Hopefully things will go well.

She is absolutely Lying to you!! Gave you chances, seen this before mate she just wasn't that into you and only wanted you there as a friend.

Sending a message saying she is feeling lonely she saw was she is just a user and only wants company and doesn't want to be alone... Let her go she will come running once she has completely lost you!!
This girl is unfit to be your girlfriend when you find a real girlfriend you will then realise what the hell was I waisting my time for...

So I like my new date, but my ex is still on my mind most of the time. Help