My Mom lives in Florida, my family and I in the North East. Whenever there are cheap ticket prices, my parents book flights up. We are expected to drop everything and entertain them for up to a week. My family (three children under seven and my husband) must adhere to Mom's plans, or the whole trip we all hear her pestering us more than my children do. For sanity sake, we adhere; but with much arguing between my husband and I after the kids are asleep.

Back in April, my parents book a trip in August. While online, my parents search the internet for local events in our area. They discover a one day special event at a local museum that we have a personal family connection to. They announce "we're (my mom and dad and my family) doing that." I felt at the time, my oldest child may have marginal interest to no interest, the same with my husband. But I chose to say "Sure"

Meanwhile, My mother-in-law is undergoing treatment for cancer. Since September she could only manage trips to the doctors office and no where else. Visits from my children and I have been limited to four, even though we live six miles away. Chidren are germ factories and her health could not handle the risk. This includes seeing my newborn. At last chmotherapy is over! Slowly she is emerging from home on trips. Day by day she is getting stronger. My Sister-in-law wanted to plan a party to celebrate. My Mother-in-law said anytime in August would be fine with her. So out go 60 inventations to a party in the park. You can tell where this is going can't you?

This party is non-negotional with my husband. Our children will be there, period. Although, he will compromise and allow us to attend the party towards the end.
Have My parents cut the trip to the museum to a half day trip, he says. Well, easier said than done.

My mom went balistic. It's a consepricy! I planned this all along!

She hoards any slight infraction (Dads fathers day present did not arrive on time. Etc) then unloads them. One at a time, my life under a microscope, thown into my face. Then to punctuate the greavance she explains that I am a "worthless piece or sh*%". It continues: infraction - you're garbage; infraction - you're an insensitive witch. For over 25 minutes the attack continues. She has included my children in the insults before; I imeadiately explained my children's self esteem will not be damaged by their Grandparents. Leave my kids out of your insults or you will never see them again. My parents have left them out since. But the attacks on me intensified. Threats to call children's services etc.

These attacks make me feel that I am truly worthless. I then focus on every flaw. I get depressed for days. I can easily get to "I'm not worthy". "If my parents think this, so must everyone else." I end up recalling the time I told my mother that I was being stalked by and adult man (I was 12) and her response "you? no one will ever be interested in you" When I asked for help again I was told "Stop being sutch a slut!" I asked over 20 other adults for help, no one did. It did not stop until the man chased me with a knife in front of an off duty cop. The cop asked what did I do to the man? "you must have done something." he said. This all reinforces the fact that I am worthless.

Despite it all, they are my parents and I love them. How do I talk to them? How do I do it without distroying myself? Am I wrong to expect a little compassion from my parents?

What do you suggest?

M

Sorry, sent without spellcheck, now it will not work.

Focus on you , your husband and your children. See what she is doing for what it is worth--MANIPULATION! She plays this to get you to bow to her every whim. It is time to put your foot down just like you did when she stopped putting your kids in the middle.
Often people will respond to you with such replies as putting the blame on you "well you are a slut'', etc....because they do not know how to handle a situation and prefer being in denial. If something doesn't exist it can't be a problem therefore no need to deal with it.

You are not wrong to expect a little compassion and everything should not go your mothers way simply because she pouts harder. Cut the apron strings and tell her ''things happen"

I think it is very important not to give this any more energy than it deserves, which is none. This is all easier said then done and easier for us to tell you obviously than it will be for you to do, but try. I want to just add that it can't always be everyone else and never you. It's important to self evaluate decide what you can learn from this and/or change and then move on. ****Remember that no one can make you feel anything that you don't allow them to make you feel. You are in control of how you feel***

OMG, mom has problems, she needs help. You are not to blame, she's foisting her problems on you. Sounds like she's also extremely jealous of you in-laws.

You are willing to compromise, your husband is willing to compromise, his family is willing to compromise, who's causing the problem, dear old mom. Tell her she has two choices, cut her activity to half a day or forget the entire thing, those are the only options, either fish or cut bait.

She needs to be told that she can no longer control your life, you're married, have kids and have other responsibilities, it's not your responsibility to entertain you mothers every whim.

As for making you feel worthless, that's not right, and you shouldn't put up with it. You should probably seek therapy to help you with these issues, past and present.

Good luck.