Why is it that I have a good man at home that loves me, who has given me a child but yet I still want to fall into the arms of another man (one in particular - one that doesn't love me and uses me for sex)

Why can't I get away from this crap?

Hi, wrappedup,
You can get away from it, if you want to get away from it.
You say your "man"; are you married? Or just living with someone.
If you don't want to see this other man, then just stop seeing him.
I do wish you the best.

You are in control of your life and no one else, so if u want to get out of this crap then u surely can

The "good man" gives you "the good things" in life.
The "bad boy" makes you feel something inside that the "good man" doesn't.

Attraction... you either feel it or you don't.

I'd suggest working on your relationship with the "good man" to make it more exciting and interesting.

If you go to the "bad boy", he will be fun for awhile... but I would expect that you'll find yourself sad and alone, wishing you had made different choices.

I agree with phillysteakandcheese :) that's so so true.

PLEASE seek a professional to help you find what it is that has you so dissatisfied with a good relationship.:cool: :D

Women get confused with their feelings... this is lust. It's not love.

Try using logic. These feelings WILL go away. Don't RUIN what you have. Running to another man's arms almost ALWAYS is not what you think it will be.

Women cheat when they rely on their feelings... use logic instead. Look at that guy real hard and I bet he isn't so great for a lot of reasons.

why is it that I have a good man at home that loves me, who has given me a child but yet I still want to fall into the arms of another man (one in particular - one that doesn't love me and uses me for sex)

why can't I get away from this crap?

Wanting is one thing. Doing is another.

Id say you are using the man for sex. You might be emotionally tied to him also, but you know what you're getting and you do it anyway.

You have a child and a good man. That doesn't mean you need to be in love with him at your expense. Its sad, but I'm not going to tell you to live a lie.

But to act like a victim here is cowardly. you are cheating. Your choice. It impacts your man and your kid. If he's not right for you figure it out, but people deserved to be treated better than this.

Hmmm... boy I sound like a guy who was once cheated on by a woman he adored and was faithful and loving to...

I just don't buy the self-pity-woe-is-me crap when you are unwilling to be truthful to the people who love you. Maybe your guy isn't the one for you. OK. Happens all the time. Get a pair and be a grownup.

But forgret the why-me stuff.

Good guys are hard to find, stick with the good guy and talk to him about making things more exciting so that you are not compelled to be with anyone else, I don't know if you are in a committed relationship with the "good guy" but if you are then you should stay committed and if you can't then you should not be with him!! Please don't let another good guy go BAD!

All women like the player dudes and the extent they go for the booty. Think back to your pre marriage days when player dudes were using you and dumping you like a used candy wrapper. This may resolve your internal struggle and set your priorities. Better soon, before the husbands realizes the situation.

We each have the ability to say no, to not get into a car and go meet someone.

You can't get away from this "crap" because you still want it and like it for some reason. You prefer to risk losing the person over physcial sex.

Next of course I have never heard you say that you love the person at home. You say he is the father of your child, and that he loves you.

I would say that you don't have a lot of self worth or feel good about yourself.
You would need or want to get this physcial "approval" to be some substitute for feeling good about yourself.

I would say that you and the person at home, need to go to professional counseling and that you need to just stop seeing, don't take any calls, don't email and just anything that causes you to see another person, just don't.

If you feel the need to go out somewhere, take your child to the park, get with a mothers group that does things together with their kids.
Start doing mom and family things.

Have you ever seen a horse or a cow in a beautiful pasture filled with luscious green grass and they have there head stretched under the fence trying to get what is out of their reach. The grass is the same color on the other side of the fence you just can not reach it and you are not supposed to have it. This is why you want it.


http://www.petfinder.com/journal/graphics/gp3.jpg

It all comes down to choice sweetie. Do you want to be with this "good man" and possibly have a wonderful relationship or do you want to fool around with the "bad guy" and get the thrill but in the end never get what eventtually your really going to want... and that is respect and love. You say he is already using you for sex then he's going to keep using you for it. Men like that literally look at you as their "hoe".. they are disrespectful and don't care about how they treat you. You aren't one so don't let him use you like one.

As far as your relationship goes... take a good look is this problem with him is this stemming from not really being in love with him or is this that your bored and the thrill is dangling in front of your face and you can't help but go for it... This is what you need to take a look at. Only you can answeer that question. If you don't love him then maybe you need to move on. Im not going to tell you to get counseling with him, because nine times out of ten if your truly not in love with someone, no counseling in the world is going to save it. (happen to my parents).. but then again you never know. Good luck, I hope things turn out the best for you and your child.

Hi,
The answer before this one is very good.
Are you considering your Child?
Do you want your child growing up in this kind of situation? I don't think so. Only you can decide what's best, and it isn't being with one man, having sex with another.

Fr_Chuck has really hit the nail on the head:


Next of course I have never heard you say that you love the person at home. You say he is the father of your child, and that he loves you.

I know for sure I was in love with my husband for sure. But for some reason after the birth of our first child we disconnected and now I don't know if I'm "in love" with him anymore, especially since this affair has started.

I would say that you don't have a lot of self worth or feel good about yourself.
You would need or want to get this physcial "approval" to be some substitute for feeling good about yourself.

I don't have any self worth and I do find that I look for the "physical approval" in order to feel good about my self. I really don't know how to correct this.

I would say that you and the person at home, need to go to professional counseling and that you need to just stop seeing, don't take any calls, don't email and just anything that causes you to see another person, just don't.

I realize this as well, I work in the same building as the person and find it very hard not to want to call him, answer his calls or get tempted....

If you feel the need to go out somewhere, take your child to the park, get with a mothers group that does things together with their kids.
Start doing mom and family things.

I do all this however I find that he is always on my mind. It's so sick. Even when I'm reading to my child in the back of my mind - I'm thinking of him.