So me and my ex girlfriend dated for about a year. For my entire senior year of high school, we obv. Went to prom together and shared so many more memories.everyone thought of us as the "it" couple. We were both on the prom court and everything was just amazing.she was the love of my life, and we pretty much spent every day together. College was bearing down on us and we were going to be about 300 miles apart. Our original descion was to stay together and be there for each other during this new experince. Just recently she explained how she felt it would be best to be apart so she doesn't have to worry about having a boyfriend and she doesn't have to worry about how she acts at college. Our relationship was amazing, but we did have many fights. We always solved them within a few hours, but they were exhausting on both of us. Finally, after a year of dating, a 4 hour online comversation leads to us breaking up. She said she didn't feel the same way anymore and lost her love for me. I was shocked and heartbroken. Now I'm sitting here wondering when the right time to call her is. We never talk online, we never text or anything else like that. We still have the same friends and I've acted cool calm and collected when I see her at gatherings. There is no way she thinks of me as desperate, or depressed after the break up. I reli want to be together again and I'm totally ready for a relationship through college. I'm still madly in love with her, and I'm not sure if I'm redi to move on just yet.so my questions are 1.) when can I call her. 2.) how can I win her back

1.) when can I call her.
When you have gotten over her, and have a happy healthy life without her.
2.) how can I win her back
She is not yours to win or lose, what she does is her choice.

I'm going to be honest and blunt. If she wants to break up, chances are you trying to "win her back" is just going to push her farther away.

Secondly, long distance relationships RARELY work.

Thirdly, if you feel that she thinks there is a chance for your relationship to work, then stay friends with her, and be there for her when she needs it. And things will take the natural steps to where they should be.

I know for a fact she is having a hard time with the breakup, I know that doesn't mean she misses me and wants to get bak together 2m but to me I guess there is still hope in my heart. I reli feel she is just testing the water and seeing how college life will be without me in it. Her friends keep telling me to just wait it out and eveyrthing will be OK. My friends and I think its just a break and that we will be together shortly.

It sounds like she just wants to enjoy college life and that may mean dating. She just wants to let you down easily. Move on.

Do u think dating other people will show both of us how important and amazing we were together? So maybe for our relationship to work, we had to break up to make sure we were right for each other

That could be the case. I don't know what is in her head, so I don't know.

Very true, thanks for the adivce=]

her friends keep telling me to just wait it out and eveyrthing will be OK. My friends and I think its just a break and that we will b together shortly.
Please don't let her friends fill you with false hopes.

we had to break up to make sure we were right for each other
That will take a long time to find out don't you think? Take her at her word and let her go.

So would it be a good idea to start dating another girl, cause I do have someone in mind. I don't want to hurt my ex, cause eventually when we both move on I want to be friends with her, I understand that might take awhile, but I don't want to mess up any chance at friendship I may have later on

If you are in a place to date again, then I don't see why not. And if you don't want your ex to know about it, don't tell her.

I won't tell her but I'm sure she will find out. It's a rough situatuion. She was my first love and its hard to let go. It hurts me cause I was so surprised she can just throw away all the memories we had over a year in one night. I guess it just shows she didn't appreciate me as much as I appreciated her

That's not true. Just because she is growing up and trying to enjoy her new life doesn't mean that she didn't appreciate you. That's ridiculous. My first love and I were together for 6 years, after high school I moved out of state and he went to college... It just happens. High school sweethearts rarely turn into marriage or life long partners. It's such a huge growing stage that its hard to grow together sometimes. You just usually grow apart. And your first break up is always such a learning and growing experience.

well yeah this isn't my first breakup but first time getting dumped. My parents worked out actually, but they broke up 5 times so I guess it's a learning experince. All I know is I'm trying to move on with my life, I've been working out more, and doing things with friends. But its killing me not being able to talk to her=/

That's why I said, RARELY. It's not unheard of, just rarely happens.

It would be a good idea to just go out and enjoy yourself...

Why force yourself to date someone else when that's just a train wreck waiting to happen?

Do yourself a favor and just live your life. Hang out with your friends... and if you're going to college, do the college thing... party, have fun

hey thanks a lot for the advice ranger, I guess u can say it's a train wreck. All I know is she didn't deserve me and I'm going to move on. I still miss her like hell, but that's normal during a break up. I hope we can be friends someday=/

Dating others isn't a "get her back" tactic. That's TOTALLY rude to the girls you date, and you miss out on the chance to find an even better relationship.

Date to meet others, to have fun, steal a few kisses, practice being a gentleman, learning things about girls your ex doesn't even know to teach you. This is the time to gain experience.

Someday down the road maybe you two will date again. Right now it's not needed at all. Make EXCELLENT use of this opportunity to get out there and reap the benefits of life.

Let tomorrow take care of itself. First and foremost, never be a LIAR when dating. Don't date one girl to manipulate another. That's a lie... you have more character than that, right?

I think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. I guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

i think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. i guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

In some cases that can happen, you realize that you two were really good together. But, please do not start dating other women in the hopes of this happening. It isn't fair to the other woman/women. Plus, lets just say that the new woman develops strong feelings for you, and you are still thinking of your ex. It will totally hurt this new woman. Rebounds are not good, Pol. You should take time out from dating for a little while to gather your thoughts, heal from this relationship, and go out and have fun with your friends and in college. This is you time now. No need to bring another woman into this, unless you are over your ex.

POL..

It's just got to come naturally. If you do things to "spite" someone else that's not natural, and like we've all been saying, bad news. I'm only a year out of college so I still remember what it was like for me when me and my girlfriend in college broke up. She hurt me pretty good but instead of dwelling on it, I just did what any other college student did. I went out, had fun with my friends, and just enjoyed the ride.

I went to Penn State so it was easy to not have to see my ex and having that NC was wonderful. I eventually started feeling good about myself, and I was once again able to meet new girls and not have any feelings towards my ex.

SOMETIMES you and an ex can go a while without seeing each other, get back together and things could be different. But beware... if this happens down the road proceed with caution. You may end up in in another sticky situation... take it from me because I did just that. I got back together with my ex after college thinking that she was mature and got her BS out of her system, only to be hurt the same way she hurt me the first time.

i think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. i guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

Until you accept what your going through, and cope with your loss in a positive way, any thing you do will be driven by hurt emotions, and false hope, that will lead you to more misery, and pain than your in now.

Healing, and seeing things in a realistic way, will better help any future decisions you make for yourself, and others. Now you can surly try it your way, that's your choice, but don't expect any positive results, unless you get the facts and learn to cope with your own feelings. All of us here had to go through the same process of growing, and learning..

OK now I have john mayer tickets that I got for me and her when we were still dating. We haven't talked at all and its been a week. I have both tickets, and the concert is on July 9. so I guess it would be a bad idea to go as friends? Cause, there are no hard feelings anymore, we are just trying to get out of that awkward stage. If we are friens by that time, do you think it's a good idea to take her? Should I ask her for the money? And thanks for the advice everyone, it really did help. Its hard but I'm moving on with the next chapter of my life=]

Taking her will make you miserable trust me. Doesn't matter if you have a great time or not, it will make you miss what you have lost.

Me, I get another date, or
Sell the tickets

Anything but take her. Your right, I don't believe your over this, but just want someone to agree that taking her to the concert is a great idea. ITS NOT!!

I won't sell the tickets cause I love john mayer but ill try and bring someone else I guess.

On another note, I can't seem to forget all the good times we had, and its crowding my brain. I most deff don't want to forget her or the memories, but I do want to move on cause she broke my heart, so I just don't know how to keep those special times with me forever, but at the same time not miss her

Time, and enjoying your life will fix you right up! What do you think us old folks do, when we are sitting on the porch, reliving all those good times, and the people we shared them with.

My ex has her grad party next Friday. Her mom texted me two days ago asking me how I was doing, and saying her and her husband missed me around their house. She also said how she hopes to see me a the grad party. Now my ex and I have had some contact but nothing really major. I'm not sure what I should do about going to the party or not.

my ex has her grad party next friday. her mom texted me two days ago asking me how i was doing, and saying her and her husband missed me around their house. she also said how she hopes to see me a the grad party. now my ex and i have had some contact but nothing realy major. im not sure what i should do about going to the party or not.

No... party with YOUR FRIENDS

I am in the same boat as you. If not, even longer. I was dating my girlfriend (now ex) of one year four months. 2 weeks prior to university finals and 2 days before her high school graduation, she dumps me and tells me that she does not have feelings for me anymore. From that day on, it's just hard to live cause we made love (had sex) multiple times. Now, I'm out and not really looking to date. As a matter of fact, I am confused on either relationship & sex or just casual sex with different girls.

Regardless, I am focusing my mind on passing English at community college and going to advanced training school for a medical career. Not to be a show off, but if I pass advanced training school with a certificate, I may end up earning 15k-30k/year (speaking from a 19 turning 20 year old student). Just do what you need to do...

hjpan thanks for that advice, but like I'm missing the sex a lot, and how did u get over that. I don't want to just go out and have sexual relations with some random girl. To me its special, and my ex was a special girl. And I'm having a hard time getting over all the memories we had, cause we had a ton. Also I miss her family! We went away together on skiing trips so we bonded a lot. I don't know its been two weeks and its still hard. The only goood thing I have donw recently is not contact her at all in the past two weeks. Which is good cause she wanted space.

Pol, your asking the right guy the right question, LOL, as you two could really be twins.

Uh was that sarcasm?

uh was that sarcasm?

Not at all as he is dealing with the same things. Read his post, and see if you two have something in common.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-just-230736.html

No we totally do I just didn't know what u meant by it.

He meant that they two of you are in similar situations...

Yeah I got that now

hjpan thanks for that advice, but like im missing the sex alot, and how did u get over that. i dont wanna just go out and have sexual relations with some random girl. to me its special, and my ex was a special girl. and im having a hard time getting over all the memories we had, cause we had a ton. also i miss her family!! we went away together on skiing trips so we bonded alot. idk its been two weeks and its still hard. the only goood thing i have donw recently is not contact her at all in the past two weeks. which is good cause she wanted space.

Well, that is also a issue I am having. I don't know if I want casual or relationship sex. I am in the same boat as you; my ex was a virgin and so was I... it was very enjoyful when we did it together but how I got over that? The best way is to not let your brain control you.. basically, focus your mind on other stuff besides sex. Sure, genetics and evolution have described human beings, especially males, as sexual beings and females as emotional beings...

I have been told BY GIRLS, both online (including AMHD) and in real life, that they'd date guys and have sex under multiple conditions. One of which is NOT TO BE PROMISCUOUS.

It's easy to say, but you have to motivate your brain to think others besides sex. For me (as a college student), there are some hot girls on campus but I say to myself "is it worth the trouble just to have 5-10mins of pleasure (considering just insertion)?" or "what's more important? Education, money, & good career or different girls every day/night or week?"

HJ, I am proud of you... Before you wanted to sleep around and now you see the bigger picture. I hope that more people who go through break ups and the "withdrawal" from sex can learn from your story.

As for Pol, take time to heal pal. You are missing the companionship of your ex, which is totally understandable. Don't go out and look for random nights of companionship because you will just feel cheap and used the next day. Not that I think you would go that route but just fair warning.

yeah I don't think I could ever bring myselff to go out on random nights to do random things. I'm still having trouble with the memories, I can't seem to get them out of my head. I don't want to forget the good times, I want to cherish them, but latley that's all I can think about

As far as the talk about missing the sexual part of the relationship - it is a memory just like any other memory of your relationship. It will fade just as all of the other missed memories have faded. Someday you will find someone again and you will be able to make all new memories.

It might be a tough memory to deal with, but it will fade in time.

The thing is I don't want the memories to fade. Of course I want to move on with my life and date someone new but I don't want to forget these memories. I mean, we dated all senior year of higgh school, ran for prom king and queen together. To me that's a lot of special moments of my life I shared with her. I'm sure in the grand story of my life, they will be trivial but right now it doesn't matter. I can't get my mind off the image of me and her

I have an aside question, what does the symbol mean next to the topic when your at te list of questions page?

Do you mean the half lit light bulb?

No the gold speech bubble thing

If you hover your mouse on it, it gives you information about that post...

(Tal, I think he means in the User Control Panel - next to subscribed questions)

Yeah that's what I mean lol

Nice catch BB, I was lost for a while. Hey its summer!!

That's my story, I'm sticking to it, LOL!

Tal... A smile? Say it isn't show ha ha JK

I won't lie, it took a little investigating...

I had a little free time :p

Hi Bigbird,

Okay, now I have a question. What does OP mean when people write that. I've seen that referenced in several posts along the way:D

Original Poster

Original Poster

Thank you Rome!

I have a date with some girl who has had a crush on me sinnce September 2m.

Any tips? Its been awhile since I went on a first date lol

the thing is i dont want the memories to fade. of course i want to move on with my life and date someone new but i dont want to forget these memories. i mean, we dated all senior year of higgh school, ran for prom king and queen together. to me thats alot of special moments of my life i shared with her. im sure in the grand story of my life, they will be trivial but right now it doesnt matter. i can't get my mind off the image of me and her
Of course we will never forget, they just get filed to make room for newer memories if given a chance.

Speaking of chances, dating a new girl with old memories is very unfair and risking rebound and comparing. Do you this is right? Would you like it if a girl met you, started a relationship with you and you later find out that she has been comparing you with her ex and when physically close she is thinking about him? I seriously doubt it and it would not be fair or respectful toward you - so 'do unto others' here and get on with your life.

The reason we have our memories is to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes again and learn how to be more compassionate and communicative so that the new relationship has a chance. Those old images are nothing but fantasies now, and it would benefit you to treat them that way - and create some newer and better memories as we grow and mature.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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i have a date with some girl who has had a crush on me sinnce september 2m.

any tips? its been awhile since i went on a first date lol

Treat her with respect, communicate and have some good clean fun and don't treat her like a one-night-stand. And don't talk about being treated badly by your ex, or anyone else. Let her do some talking and listen instead of thinking about someone else while with her. Everyone deserves a chance - just look at yourself - you are looking for another chance, so give other's the same as what you would expect.

Good luck.

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I would quote u but I don't know how, u said The reason we have our memories is to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes again and learn how to be more compassionate and communicative so that the new relationship has a chance", but my memories with her were not mistakes. I mean sure we had some fights, but everyone has those. Even though we broke up, I don't consider my ex a mistake, or a bad time at all. She was amazing, and I guess at the end she just got bored with me. I had no control over it =/

And thanks for the date advice for 2m, I would never bring up my ex in front of her. They hated each other!

HJ, I am proud of you...Before you wanted to sleep around and now you see the bigger picture. I hope that more people who go through break ups and the "withdrawal" from sex can learn from your story.

As for Pol, take time to heal pal. You are missing the companionship of your ex, which is totally understandable. Don't go out and look for random nights of companionship because you will just feel cheap and used the next day. Not that I think you would go that route but just fair warning.

haha~

thanks :)

I have no time for girls now

yeh i dont think i could ever bring myselff to go out on random nights to do random things. im still having trouble with the memories, i can't seem to get them out of my head. i dont wanna forget the good times, i wanna cherish them, but latley thats all i can think about

Same here D;

it's hard, isn't it?

i have a date with some girl who has had a crush on me sinnce september 2m.

any tips? its been awhile since i went on a first date lol


Rules for dating:

1. KEEP YOUR SNAKE IN YOUR PANTS!!! Majority of the girls HATE guys who get their snake out... Well, I made love to my ex on our second date (LDR)

2. Communicate. Keep your ears and eyes open~ ask her if she's comfortable, hungry, thirsty etc.

3. BE FRIENDLY. Don't grab her hand and twist it or put your hand on her hot .

4. Maintain yourself. Think before you speak.

OK sounds good. I'm actually taking this girl to a john mayer concert so it should be fun

ok sounds good. im actually taking this girl to a john mayer concert so it should be fun

That's good =]

I just want to say thanks to everyone for your advice. I'm so glad I found this website, u guys have been awesome. Ill try and keep u posted, and when I'm having problems, u KNOW I will be back here complaining=]

THANKS!

i just want to say thanks to everyone for your advice. I'm so glad i found this website, u guys have been awesome. ill try and keep u posted, and when I'm having problems, u KNOW i will be back here complaining=]

THANKS!


Not at all.

Just let yourself vent a bit from the previous relationship.

For me, I need to focus on community college and advanced training school.

When u say vent u mean talk about it?

when u say vent u mean talk about it?

More of focusing and concentrating on something else

OK yeah that sounds good. I used to play music all the time before I dated my ex. I have been playing the drums for 14 years and stopped cause I had no time cause I was always with her. So I can start that up again I guess. And umh she has been in my dreams 4 nights in a row. Is that bad? I never dream this much ever

All I have to say is that girls will most likely come back to you, after you stop caring, and don't need them there anymore (aka, happy and healthy)

Just be thankful that she had the balls to break up with you before cheating on you or something. I promise you that everything will be fine.

All I have to say is that girls will most likely come back to you, after you stop caring, and don't need them there anymore (aka, happy and healthy)

Just be thankful that she had the balls to break up with you before cheating on you or something. I promise you that everything will be fine.

Didn't want to be mean and give you a red one, but I totally disagree...

I don't think that girls will come back when you leave them alone. And if they do, I tend to think they aren't relationship material to begin with. Personally, I would consider actions like that to be fairly immature and beneath what I would desire in someone.

Sure, if they want to talk slowly and maybe hang out once in a while I guess that might be okay, but if they come back crying and begging saying that they realize that your what they want now?? I'd call it bs, they'll just get tired of having you around again in no time.

she has been in my dreams 4 nights in a row. Is that bad? I never dream this much ever

Your still fresh from this break up, and your mind is just filling the void of her not being there, that's normal, and rather healthy as long as you know the why of it. That also happens to junkies that quit doping. It shows how addicted you were, to her, and its time to balance your life with other people, places, things, and activities, that make you happy. Beating that drum is a good start.

It shows how addicted you were, to her, and its time to balance your life with other people, places, things, and activities, that make you happy.

Perfect analogy - First time relationships, especially, tend to think that giving everything you have, and then some, is the best way to keep a relationship healthy and going strong. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I, and many of us, have been there ourselves. It truly is an addiction.

So take heed, and next time around - keep your space, keep your independence. Find that balance.

Yeah one of my problems in the relationship was I was very clingy, which I know now is a very unattractive quality. I guess next time I have to keep my space and distance like you guys said before.

And filthy, your right about her breaking up with me before she cheated on me. I don't think she could ever bring her self to cheat on me. But then again I didn't think she would break up with me the cowardly way she did...

I can tell your still angry, but I don't think what she did was cowardly. She did what she thought she needed to do, and you need to respect that. In time you will. Most people are angry after the breakup, but in time the emotions fade and you might actually respect that person for doing it. It takes a lot of strength and courage to deal a blow like that to someone you love.

I think it was cowardly. After a year of dating she does it online? And I went to call her when we were talking and she said she wasn't going to pick up cause if she heardmy voice, she wouldn't be able to do it. I don't know I thought after all the time, money, and effort I put into a year dating her, I deserved something more than that.

i think it was cowardly. after a year of dating she does it online? and i went to call her when we were talking and she said she wasnt gonna pick up cause if she heardmy voice, she wouldnt be able to do it. i dont know i thought after all the time, money, and effort i put into a year dating her, i deserved something more than that.

I will agree with you there, it hurts. I was dumped on the phone after 4 years and I thought that was cowardly. I was out with my friends at the time too, bothered me for a while, but I got over it. In time you will be able to move past it.

I know the feeling. I felt that I deserved better than I was given, at least to see her and talk with her about it in person. I got the same "It will be too hard" excuse. "Well hey, as long as its easy for you......"

Erg...

Just give her space and don't push her too much. Try giving someone else a chance and you just might find out if she really does care about you. And it just might be because she's still farely young and would like to live her young life while she still can. I totally understand what it feels like dealing with a breakup. I'm 23 and I've been with my fiancée for almost 3 years and we've also got an 18 month old little girl together. So I've definitely been in your shoes before.

ok yeh that sounds good. i used to play music all the time b4 i dated my ex. i have been playing the drums for 14 years and stopped cause i had no time cause i was always with her. so i can start that up again i guess. and umh she has been in my dreams 4 nights in a row. is that bad? i never dream this much ever

My ex is in my dreams on & off...

OK guys so I just came back from the concert. John mayer was awesome, but out of all the people there I run into my ex, YEH I know bad news. Well I reli didn't run into her, I saw her two sections over with her mom and brothers. But it was very awkward, espcially when her brother started texting me asking me who the girl I brought was. Me and my date did nothing, just had a good time, which I'm verryyyy happy about. I don't think ill be seeing her again anytime soon. But just seeing my ex's face when she saw me with this girl was hard for me. I still care for her and I don't want hurt her, even though she has destroyed me. It's a very weird feeling I'm having so. UGH =/

ok guys so i just came back from the concert. john mayer was awesome, but out of all the people there i run into my ex, YEH i know bad news. well i reli didnt run into her, i saw her two sections over with her mom and brothers. but it was very awkward, espcially when her brother started texting me asking me who the girl i brought was. me and my date did nothing, just had a good time, which im verryyyy happy about. i dont think ill be seeing her again anytime soon. but just seeing my ex's face when she saw me with this girl was hard for me. i still care for her and i dont want hurt her, even though she has destroyed me. its a very weird feeling im having so. UGH =/


Who cares?

She's your ex for a reason... leave her at the end :)

Of course it hurts like heck when we get dumped. After investing time, it's hard for the dumper as well as the dumpee. Dumpers will feel guilty and hope that you won't hate them. Dumpees will get angry, want them back, then want to get even for the 'indignation' and wish the dumpers will never show up in the vicinity again. These are emotions we all had or still have - even though unrealistic to maintain.

My ex lives right upstairs from me - he dumped me when he found out I had cancer - we share the same backyard and his son is my ex-son-in-law who I get along with quite well. I know he does not have anyone special, goes out once a week to a bar and pick up a regular drunk and goes with her to her place for a few hours and then comes home. It does not bother me at all because I know he has no friends and the neighbors all tell me he's always been a jerk. Every time I get company or go out, he's at the window watching... who is bothered more by the break-up? He is, but I don't care and am glad he's no longer demanding my time and attention for free. So, those that hurt people and are generally cold-hearted get paid in the end.

She dumped you, so her brother should not even have asked who the other girl on your side was - unless your ex encouraged him to find out. No matter what reason, she needs to either sh*t or get off the pot and let you heal and start living your life and enjoying things again.

If you have read the stickies you know that you are not the only one this has happened to and it will probably not be the last time, so accept the fact that you are an emotional human being who can learn from mistakes made by you and others. Also, please give the next person the benefit of doubt and enough respect - don't ever compare a new one with the old.

Now, go out and have a good time, and set new goals and keep busy living - not in the past, but towards the future.

Time heals, I promise! You too will get over this and find your share of happiness, so don't be so hard on yourself. You are still too occupied with her so you have to do something about it.

Stay with us dear, we will help you get through it.

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I can understand how that situation would be tough... No matter what she has done to you, you still don't want to cause pain to her and hurt her if you don't need to. If I were going to be out with a girl, I would certainly want to ensure that my ex wasn't going to see me, I guess that's being a nice guy, but I don't see a need to hurt her if its avoidable...

You have to be honest with yourself as well... It sounds like you still have too many feelings for your ex to involve this other girl, so don't lead her on. Using her as a rebound will only hurt her in the end...

yeah me and this new girl will prob become nothing, we are just really close friends.

chery that response was amazing=], thanks so much for that, I honestly don't know how to respond but to just say thanks.

I'm sure my ex was the one to tell her brother to text me. I mean I had a very close relationship with her brother. Somedays I would go over their plave to chill with him, even when my ex wasn't home. It was like having a second family.

and I understand that I'm not the only one to ever go through with a breakup=]. Its just extra hard for me cause it's the first ttime for me being dumped, and she was my first love.

OK my new problem is this. Her grad party is on Friday, 2m. Her mom texted me a week ago saying she would love to see me there. Its going to be her friends and some family. I prretty much knew her entire family by name. So I'm not sure if I should go or not. I don't want to disrespect her mom cause she did nothing wrong, but on the other hand I'm not too sure how me and my ex will react to each other.

my ex said she wants me to come a few days ago so now I really don't know.

thanks again everyone=]

Don't go.

You might feel bad at first, but its not worth what it will put your mind through. How can you expect yourself to be okay sitting at her house, with her entire family, but not be dating her. It will be awkward to say the least.

Your not disrespecting her mom, your respecting yourself. Its not worth the pain, trust me. Her mom will understand.

Bigbird is right.. call her mom and explain that the pain of the break-up is still too fresh and that you hope she understands if you decline. Believe us, she will understand and not hold it against you.

When the times get rough, just log on here and talk to us. We will be here for you too.

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I'm still up in the air about the party. I totally get what your saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something different so I don't know what to do

And p.s I had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

im still up in the air about the party. i totally get what ur saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something diffrent so idk what to do

and p.s i had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row


You should NOT go to the party. Seriously, when you go... you're going to feel like sh8. Why? Because the love attachment is still there.

im still up in the air about the party. i totally get what ur saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something diffrent so idk what to do

and p.s i had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

That probably means that you have staid at home the last five nights too.
Go out and try your luck and 'create' a new dream. Stop hurting yourself.

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im still up in the air about the party. i totally get what ur saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something diffrent so idk what to do

and p.s i had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

That probably means that you have stayed at home the last five nights too.
Go out and try your luck and 'create' a new dream. Stop hurting yourself.

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So I'm sorry to dissapoint you guys but I went to the party. I went an hour and a half late, and left after staying for only an hour. When I walked in, she came running and gave ma a big hug(which I know means nothing), then ran off with her girlfriends. I then went and said hello to her parents, and her mother was so happy to see, and so glad I came. Then I saw her father, who I talked to for 10 min. I moved ffrom relative to relative, grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins, the whole clan. I spent more time with adults then I did with my friends who were at the party. But anyway, her mom pulls me aside and says"before you leave i want to see you" so I started to leave, and she pulled me inside the house. The house I haven't stepped foot in in three weeks, and says how much she misses me, and begins to tear. She tells me good luck next year in college, says how great of a kid I am, and how happy she is she met me. Well that brought both of us to tears. She was like a second mom to me I guess. But then I left, and my night was eh, OK. I think going to the party was not a bad idea, I'm glad I went, and I'm glad I saw her family, since I was so close to so many people. So sorry I let you guys down for going to the party. Does this count for my NC calender? so do I have to start over!

And I didn't feel like sh** at the party, I was actually happy, cause everyone was being very nice to me and not alienating me in anyway

and i didnt feel like sh** at the party, i was actually happy, cause everyone was being very nice to me and not alienating me in anyway

That's because you WERE with the family, not her.

Very true, her family actually talked to me, and tried to move on. She made no effort at all

very true, her family actually talked to me, and tried to move on. she made no effort at all

What if you spent time with your ex more than the parents?

You'd feel miserable

I know I would have been miserable, so I'm glad I didn't. This whole thing sucks, cause for the past year, they have become my second family, my home away from home. And I love her family so much. They have done a lot for me, and I will never forget that. I wish their daughter could be a little nicer but hey what are you going to do=]

i know i would have been miserable, so im glad i didnt. this whole thing sucks, cause for the past year, they have become my second family, my home away from home. and i love her family so much. they have done alot for me, and i will never forget that. i wish their daughter could be a little nicer but hey what r u gonna do=]

Well, everyone assumed that you were going to see the ex more so we responded with "don't go"... lol

Just be friends with the family!

I wish I can do that

Just go over their house to hang with them, and neverrr see her lol

i wish i can do that

just go over their house to hang with them, and neverrr see her lol

Yeh... I'll laugh at my ex when she comes to me and asks me to help her.

Fuq no.. I would not help her~

I'd wait a few weeks to call. Then, just call as a friend to see how she is. If she makes it clear that she does not want to talk to you, do not call again. As far as winning her back, there is no real answer to that. Your best bet is to remain her friend and let her decide what she feels. You can not change anything about the way she is feeling right now yourself. Time is all you can count on right now. Either you'll get back together or you'll heal and move on. But don't wallow in sorrow or dwell on this. It may hurt, but get out there and enjoy life. Whatever is meant to be in your life will be. Don't try to control circumstances. Let them come to you and work with what you're given. Make the best of things.

Blessed Be!

I'd wait a few weeks to call. Then, just call as a friend to see how she is. If she makes it clear that she does not want to talk to you, do not call again. As far as winning her back, there is no real answer to that. Your best bet is to remain her friend and let her decide what she feels. You can not change anything about the way she is feeling right now yourself. Time is all you can count on right now. Either you'll get back together or you'll heal and move on. But don't wallow in sorrow or dwell on this. It may hurt, but get out there and enjoy life. whatever is meant to be in your life will be. Don't try to control circumstances. Let them come to you and work with what you're given. Make the best of things.

Blessed Be!

Chances are... it's moving on

Yeah I have no intention of getting bak together with her anytime soon. I realizd what she has done to me and how badly she has hurt me these past few weeks. I have been chillen with my friends and have been hanging out with other girls. Which by the way didn't go well. The girl I brought to the conert hates me now cause I said something about her that was kind of mean, but 100percent true. So w.e, I reli don't care how she feels about me

hey everyone I just got back from mexico, it was amazing. Uh I kind of hooked up with a random girl from North Carolina. Woops=]. But also the trip was good cause it kind of cleared my mind and gave me a clean slate. I found out my e has a crush on some kid. But he's like a drug dealer, and a real bad kid, so I reli don't want her getting hurt. Any advice on this?

Not your business. Leave it alone, she is a big girl.

Harsh as what talaniman says may sound it is the best option... she needs to make her own mistakes... if she can constantly run to you for help then you can't really move on. You don't need to be mean to her but just keep being friendly... if she calls you then answer and listen but don't feel that you have to fix everything for her.

Let her ruin her life. Majority of the relationships between a girl and a drug dealer ends up like trash

Yeah that all makes sense. I think id rather not know what's happening in her life than know, cause when I find out info it obv bothers me. I just want to go to college already, cause then I can start fresh and make tons of new friends

yeh that all makes sense. i think id rather not know whats happening in her life than know, cause wen i find out info it obv bothers me. i just wanna go to college already, cause then i can start fresh and make tons of new freinds

Good idea: STAY AWAY FROM THE GIRLS IN FRAT PARTIES

They're not clean D;... majority

ahahah thanks for that hjpan that made my day =]

ahahah thanks for that hjpan that made my day =]

I'm serious... D;

Just be careful with girls in college... they're big drama fans D:

Even more drama than in high school?

Cause there was a lot!

even more drama than in high school?

casue there was a lot!

Yes, there are a lot of girls who are dirty

Its been 21 days of NC

My birthday is in 2 days, think she will call?

its been 21 days of NC

my bday is in 2 days, think she will call?

I'll call xD

Hahaha~ who cares if she calls?

I don't care, but I would think she would have enough decency in her to call. I mean we dated for a year, and its not like I did anything wrong, she's the one who broke up with me so I guess there should be no hard feelings on her part. If I were in her shoes I would call

i dont care, but i would think she would have enough decency in her to call. i mean we dated for a year, and its not like i did anything wrong, shes the one who broke up with me so i guess there should be no hard feelings on her part. if i were in her shoes i would call

I don't know if I'm going to call my ex on her b-day... and the reciprocate.

Don't expect it. It'll just make it harder for her and for you.

Let go.

Yeah but thee thing is it reli wasn't a messy breakup. It took one conversation, and we haven't reli talked since. Its been a month now. I assume we don't hate each other, and I still keep in contact with her family(her mother) cause I still love them a ton.

I have another grad party tonight, and she will be there, so hopefully I can avoid her at allll costs.

It's over, she ended it. There is nothing you can do to change that, it was her choice. You obviously weren't what she wanted anymore, she made that apparent when she said she lost her love for you. Don't expect a call for your birthday, and even if she does, don't pick up. You guys might not hate each other, but you aren't together, you aren't friends. I can say that with confidence because friends can hear about their friends new lover or that one night stand that they shouldn't have had. Could you deal with her telling you that? I didn't think so, delete every way possible to get in touch with this girl and read the stickies at the top of this forum.

I agree with Rome...

My ex and I dated for 4 years and her birthday was about 2 months after our breakup. I didn't call her, and trust me it was hard, but I didn't do it. I felt guilty for a while, but she initiated the breakup and if she wants to get ahold of me, I'm sure she knows how.

You expect her to undermine her healing to fulfill your expectations? I think its unreasonable to make such a small thing, into such a big thing. Let it go, if she does fine, if she doesn't still fine.

Why would you get your expectations so worked up??

I'm not expecting a phone call. I am very curious to see if she does. I know it will not make or break my birthday at all.

And rome I agree with u, about not being able to hear about her new lover, if she had one, so I guess we reli aren't friends

But recently, all the friends me and her made during the time we dated, have been hanging out with her,and completely ignoring me. I reli don't care, cause I made some new friends but still, it's the point that I did nothing wrong, and I lose all my friends also? Obv not fair, but I know there is nothing I can do, and I can't control who my friends want to hang out with. To me it just reli sucks.

The only control you have is over how you cope with her calling or not... so decide on what you plan to do.. and stay with us, dear.

With me it was the other way around. After the break, my neighbors paid more attention to me than they did when I was with 'him'. He lives in the same building and they have also know him for a long time, but they show their support for me instead. And I have made new friends - never liked his to begin with (usually all drunks) - and he always objected to mine, so I kept them separate from my relationship. Good thing I did.

'His' B-day is up next month, and I certainly am not going to mention it, even though I see him every day.
Honest, after living as long as I have, and going through a few relationships, you'll get the hang of coping. You either wind up as friends later or it leaves you cold as ice towards the 'other' and life goes on.

Enjoy your B-day by going out and having a great time, or if you want, you can come on here and we'll have a Virtual Party - a lot of us will drop in during the entire time...

C.U. later.
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I think if she does call ill pick up, if she texts I won't respond. I don't know, like I said its not going to ruin my birthday if I don't hear from her .

But it really stinks that she basically took our friends away from me. And I try to make plans with them , and they kind of shrug it off and avoid me. So I've started to avoid them.

This is why I'm ready for college, to make new friends and START OVER

so my birthday was awesome, I went to the horse racing track with my family and bet on horses it was amazing =]

and just to let u know, she didn't call and she just sent me something on Facebook so I'm kind of ticked, but over it. It's a weird feeling I don't know

Hey Man,

Don't worry about the small things.

The changeover from high school life to college life is very different, and I feel that what she has done is somewhat natural and understandable.

She's 300 miles away, would you rather her hook up with some guy and then never trust her again, or know that you're both single, you can meet new (and potentially more fulfilling people) and still know that the bond between you both wasn't ended on a bad note?

The one way for you NOT to get her back, is to try to get her back. Go with the flow, have fun.

I would say give yourself a little breathing room from the relationship scene, you don't want to have some girl that you may really like end up being just a rebound right? That's not fair to her, or you either.

Maybe you can contact her via E-mail or Text and just say something like, "I understand that being 300 miles apart would be hard on a relationship. I also understand that meeting new people in college is something that everyone should experience. Even though I am upset that I have lost you, I want you to know that I support you in anything that you do, I care about you deeply and I will always be here if you need to talk."

She'll read that, see how much of a sweetheart you are (even if you copy and paste haha) and maybe she'll think twice about what she has decided, and if she still rather not be in the relationship, at least you know that you went out with pride and that she can't take that from you.

Kevin I am seriously thinking of copying and pasting that. I really am.

We kind of broke up on a good note, saying once when the awkward stage of the breakup was over, we would try our hardest to be friends(which I know everyone says).

I do respect her for her choice , I just don't respect that way I've been treated after the breakup, and my family and friends agree with me

She also might take that for exactly what it says: "I understand and am here for you if you need to talk." Don't send it unless you can handle her talking to you and treating you like a friend that she needs when she's upset, but no intentions of anything more.

In the sexual sense, I am completely over her. The thing that is bugging me is that we were best friends when we were dating. And losing her as a girlfriend was bad, but losing my best friend was even worse. I want to have that relationship when I can call her and she can call me whenever about anything. Especially since college is around the corner, it will be a weird change for us, so I would love to have that contact with her, so if lonely or scared I can call her. Last time we spoke, she said she wasn't ready to be friends, so I said when your ready give me a call. Since then we have talked, its been about 3 weeks now and no call. I think she has moved on cause my friends say she has a crush on some drug dealer, which I mentioned earlier. So I'm not sure what to do. If I should send her a text reminding her that I will always be there no matter what.

I have finally realized that she will only be a memory of mine. It was an awesome year we spent together, and that's all I have left of it, memories.

I'm ready to move on with my life, including starting a friendship with my ex.

including starting a friendship with my ex.
Simply amazing how we want the ex for a friend, but we don't put the same on the other friends who come, and go through our lives, but let it be an ex, and oh boy, we do anything to keep them.

The value of a true friend can be seen best from afar, as we are always glad when they come back into our lives, as we know we won't see them as often as we like, when we like. Let it be an ex, and it's a different standard that hardly any of us can meet.

The only way to see it for what it is, is to heal first, and then worry about being friends.

What's simply amazing is I really have no other best friend besides my sister who I can turn to, so I really kind of have to try and keep this friendship afloat

Sorry if that sounded mean but its true, all my friends bailed on me when I started dating my ex, and she was pretty much the only TRUE friend I had

Sorry you depend on her for so much, but by working on your own life, your own friends, your own happiness, you won't depend on her so much.

Be aware that you put so much of yourself into her, you have forgotten who you are, and that's never healthy. Your path is clear, or it should be, heal, regroup, and rebuild your life that you enjoy without her in it. Thats a must, as your starting to sound like a junkie needing his fix, again that can't be healthy.

Leave her alone, and find yourself.

sorry if that sounded mean but its true, all my friends bailed on me when i started dating my ex, and she was pretty much the only TRUE friend i had

No offense meant when I say this, but many times someone can feel this way when in reality, it was you who bailed on your friends, not the other way around. It is a common problem when someone becomes MUCH too involved in a relationship - they lose sight of what they had before, so when what they have now is gone, they are left with next to nothing...

No I completely agree with that. My ex and I hung out every day, and its true, my friends did leave me because of that reason. After about two months of this, me and my ex realized we really had no friends anymore cause we would hang out every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So we took some time off from just me and her chilen. Well she was able to re kindle the friendship with her friends, but mine were stubborn and hurt. So yeah bigbird I agree it was my fault, now a days me and my friends talk, but we rarely hang out, and I would never be able to talk to them like I used to.

You will in time, plus you will make new friends. It was something I did in my first relationship too, but now that it has ended, I value my friends for what they are and I realize that no matter what, they aren't going to bail on me. Its something that I would never do again, but it was a tough lesson to learn.

If you keeps your friends around you, no matter what happens when you breakup, you will have a net of friends to keep you happy and content with your life.

Well that's why I want to go to college already because I want to make new friends.

So I think once when I'm surrounded by new people, I should be fine

Thanks for the advice though bigbird, it seems like everything you say makes al lot of sense=]

7/30/08

Would have been a year ann

Anyone have any good ideas on what I should do tonight to forget about it?

Go to the gym, my 3 year anniversary just passed on the 24th and the only reason I remembered that was because a concert me and my present girlfriend were going to fell on the same day. I must say, I didn't think about it at all until I looked at the ticket stub ha ha

I spent my 4 year anniversary out with my friends. It was a Sunday night, so I couldn't stay out late, but I spent time with my friends and tried to go to bed early. You start to realize that its just another day - nothing special.

Well my day has been good so far, I went to the mall, and bought a hat, some posters, and a 6 foot funnel

So break in the funnel tonight - that should pass the time :p

Just keep your phone out of reach should you get a little too drunk...

Aahha thanks, its been off all day, in case she tried to contact me

It stinks cause I keep thinking of me and her and where I was a year ago today

I wish I can turn the clock back sometimes. I really miss the person she used to be

Just remember it's the person she used to be. Your better off missing the person she used to be then hating the person that she is now. That's exactly why NC is the best thing, and ignorance is bliss!

My 4 year anniversary with my ex was pre-planned. It was on v-day...

So I actually had this rooftop restaurant in downtown reserved in November (it apparently sells out by december)... got a room at the westin... the works.

Well. I was more angry that I was out half a grand (pre-paid meal for the restaurant... deposit on the room at the westin gone).

Booked 3 dates that night. 5 - 8pm 8:15 - 10:30pm 11 - ?

I hate online networking like Facebook, because I can still see all the things she is doing, I try and avoid it, but it seems like it keeps popping up in front of me. I most definitely hate the person she has become now. We haven't talked in, jeez like 3 weeks, so NC has been good, and not a problem

Good to hear that.

Fbook and myspace are the devil. I suggest you steer clear of those.. . if anything, de-friend them.

I just found out, like 2 minutes ago that she has hooked up with 6 other guys this summer

WAT THE HECKKK

stay.away.from.that

click that red box with that white X.

As in do what?

Close it. Stay away from it. You two are broken up now, which means that it shouldn't matter to you what she does (I know it does, but... there's nothing you can do). As for now, stay away from her fbook/myspace. Do everything you can to not find out what she's up to.

Distract yourself.

i hate online networking like facebook, because i can still see all the things she is doing, i try and avoid it, but it seems like it keeps popping up infront of me. i most definitely hate the person she has become now. we havent talked in, jeez like 3 weeks, so NC has been good, and not a problem

If you go on Facebook a lot and find it hard to stay off and don't want to defriend her... u can go to the feed settings and make it so that nothing about her pops up on your home page, and then just practice self-control and don't look at anything regarding her... I've had NC for 15 days but I've been looking at her Facebook over this time, but starting tonight I'm going to start avoiding her page... total NC!

Yeah I should do that, and it seems like everything she does, pops up on my feed, so I should lower that lol

sneeze, I just spent the past 2.5 hours reading your post. Wow man I reli have no idea what to say, except I envy you and how strong you were in the beginning of the breakup.

but here's an update for me,

I metioned earlier how my ex pretty much took all of the friends we have made this past year. None of them have called me at all, or made plans. I went to a few concerts the past week and I hung out with them there. The only reason why I did, was because my ex wasn't there. See the"friends" will make plans and never include me if the ex is there. But since she wasn't at the concerts, they thought it was OK to hang out with me now. Which is absolute BS and I can't stand it. So at the moment I not only am continuing my NC with my ex, but I am going to start one with my ex friends also. This is so messed up!

my best friend, has completely left me and taken my ex's side on the situation. He was the one to make the bet with her and see who can hook up with more people this summer, YEH SOME FRIEND! So I don't know how to deal with the immature people. I guess the best thing is to not talk to them at all. But they have recently made contact with me and made it a point to say they wanted to hang out more often, cause it feels like they haven't seen me all summer(bcuz they haven't!! )

my plan is to not see them for the rest of the summer, if they invite me out I'm not going, I can't stand the way they are treating me, and I can't believe I used to be friends with such a$$holes!

advice please! I really don't have a question, I just wanted to vent. Give me a break its almost 3 a.m and I have to be up in 4 hours! =[

oh and my current mood would be the Taking Back Sunday song-A Decade Under The Influence :::"To hell with you and all your friends, its on"::::

Ah, it's always hard when your friends take the ex's side... I suggest you start making some new friends. Perhaps start to volunteer, join a gym, maybe a book club or some sort of a hobby place so that you can start to mingle with some new people.

I'm really sorry to hear that your friends bounced. That really stinks.

Venting here always helps.

Hope things get better. Keep your head up.

thanks sneeze

I've been hanging with my old band. I've been playing the drums for about 14 years of my life, and we have been practicing, and causing mayhem in my town for the past two weeks. We have a few shows coming up so I should have a good time there.

but I'm excited for college, cause I'm going to be a freshman in 22 days(yes I'm counting) and I can't wait to surround myself with new people and start with a clean slate!!

and it helps that the college I'm going to(pennstate) was just named the no3 party school in the nation!! =]

College is a great place to meet new people, just remember to put yourself out there. Some of your best friends are made in those 4 years(7 if your Van Wilder)

Ahaha so true rome. I'm sick of this high school BS, and I think breaking up with my ex has taught me a lot. It has shown me how people act in certain situations I haven't been exposed to before, and it has also shown me that I am so ready to leave for college. My ex friends obviously are not because they are playing these stupid games with me, and I have tried to be a bigger person, but there is just no use anymore

Sounds like someone has learned something here. Congrats, you have saved yourself much misery.

ahaha so true rome. I'm sick of this high school BS, and i think breaking up with my ex has taught me a lot. it has shown me how people act in certain situations i haven't been exposed to before, and it has also shown me that i am so ready to leave for college. my ex friends obviously are not because they are playing these stupid games with me, and i have tried to be a bigger person, but there is just no use anymore

I was once told that the easiest way to find out what a person's true intentions and attitudes are is to put them into a difficult situation and see how they react. Some are cowards, some are fights, some are drama queens (or kings).

College still has it's drama, but there's always going to be people trying to bring drama into a situation to stir it up. Just let it roll off your shoulders and keep on truckin'. I've learned that it's the easiest way to do things.

One thing I loved about college was... you can be a completely @sshole (and I mean @sshole in the nicest sense. Such as... not dealing with a girl's drama. If you don't feel like dealing with it, you can simply walk away) because by the next day, you can meet someone else.

one thing I loved about college was...you can be a completely @sshole (and I mean @sshole in the nicest sense. Such as...not dealing with a girl's drama. If you don't feel like dealing with it, you can simply walk away) because by the next day, you can meet someone else.


Yeah, high school drama sucks because you're stuck being there at a specific time, but college is great because you make your own schedule, you don't always have to go to the class and you meet a better variety of well rounded people.

Plus... the chicks are SO much hotter in college, even my girlfriend agrees, and she's not even bi-sexual! Lol

Plus...the chicks are SO much hotter in college, even my girlfriend agrees, and she's not even bi-sexual! lol


Someone should go to my school... :mad:


... I'm not kidding:p

Someone should go to my school..... :mad:


...I'm not kidding:p

Move to Cali =) hahaha!

OK so here's an update

My best friend of 4 years, who has bailed on me to hang with my ex instead of me, is having a going away party in 2 weeks. He told me he wants me to be there. All of the ex friends, including my ex will probably be there. What frustrates me is he has not even made the slightest attempt to hang with me this whole summer since the breakup. So there is a bitter taste in my mouth because of that. So my dilemma is if I go, I risk having no one to talk to, or I don't go at all, and pretty much throw any chance of me and my bud being friends out the window. I know he hasn't been the friend he should be this summer, but I think I would still love to be friends with him. So I really have no clue what to do.

Then my other friend, who is in the same group as the ex friends is having a going away party that same weekend. She hasn't made an attempt to hang out with me, but she has stayed in contact with me since the breakup. Same deal, all of the ex friends, including my ex will probably be there. Do I go to this one?

I feel if I don't go to either of these parties, it will drill the final nail in the coffin. I think if I don't attend, they will never talk to me again, which would definitely bug me out.

So I definitely need some advice on these parties! There in two weeks so we have plenty of time to discuss and debate=]

one thing I loved about college was...you can be a completely @sshole (and I mean @sshole in the nicest sense. Such as...not dealing with a girl's drama. If you don't feel like dealing with it, you can simply walk away) because by the next day, you can meet someone else.

Word. Freedom at its best. Best of all, it's mutually understood, if not expected. I'm going to reeeaaally miss that when I graduate next year.

POL-Make them both and treat everyone well AND have a blast, to hell with the politics, leave a good impression on those folks.

Warning-
Disregard advice, if you aren't the party animal I was. Takes more than a few sad suckers, to slow my roll. And I do mean all night long.

So you think I should go to the party? Even though they have treated me terrible this summer, and haven't included me in any plans this summer?

And yeah I'm quite the party animal so I don't know what to do.

Just go, enjoy yourself, don't make this about them. Meet new people, mingle, etc.

Say hi to them, don't ignore them, but don't make them the focus of your attention.

OK then I guess I will go, I've been talking to my mom and she thinks it's a real bad idea to go, but she will support my descion

I feel that your mom doesn't want you to be in an uncomfortable spot. If you don't want to go at all, then don't go to show your friends up. Go if you want just to have fun, etc.

Best.

That is true, I do want to go, cause in a way it will be a final good bye to all of these people for a while. After the parties, about 7 days later I leave for school so maybe I should go to say my final goodbyes.

And I was thinking about writing my ex a letter. Not too sure why, but I woke up this morning and it felt like I needed to do it. It is probably a bad idea. Like I said I don't even know what I would write in this letter, so I don't know what to do. Should I go with my gut? Even if I have no idea what it is telling me?

Ah, the writing of the letter... very therapeutic may I add (and I don't even believe in therapy)...

There's a thread called "letters to our exes". It's a place where people wrote their letters to their exes... but never sent it.

I feel that writing the letter will help you organize your thoughts and bring your feelings closer to the surface... make them more "real", so it's a good idea... however, most likely a bad idea to send it. What will you gain if you send her the letter?

I think the only thing I would gain is the satisfaction of knowing she knows my thoughts and how I feel. If I don't receive anything back, I will by fine, I truly believe that. I would feel a lot better if I did send it than if I didn't

so here's an update

last night me and a bunch of old friends went to NYC(I live on long island) and we went sake bombing all night. So I ended up hooking up with two girls over the night. Yeah I know I'm kind of a whore=]. But one girl, I met that night, then I hooked up with an old fling I had sophomore year. I'm kind of freaked out about it, cause she is a psycho girl, and that's the only reason why we didn't date in the past.

so should I feel ashamed about what I did last night? I'm kind of new to the random hookup life, so feel free to give me your honest opinion please!

Ballin!

You're single, no holds bar bro!

If your not comfortable with it, then don't do it. If you are, there really isn't anything to be ashamed of I suppose... Its all in how you want to live your life and what your comfortable with... I wouldn't recommend sleeping with as many girls as possible.. but...

I'm finally at peace with my world

I sent the letter. It took 45 different letters, but I made one that I thought was perfect. I put it in her mailbox and drove away. Less than an hour later she instant messaged me saying she got my letter. We talked for 30 min. about everything. At the end of the conversation, we both agreed that we weren't ready to be friends, but we were both at peace with each other.

I can't tell you how great I feel right now. I'm glad I sent the letter, it did everything I wanted it to do.

now do I hoop up with her best friend? Cause I have a date with her tonight. And it was my ex's idea for us to go out so I don't know if I should be going on this date

but I'm on cloud nine people. WOOO=]

Pol! I'm happy for you!

... but I am a bit weirded out that your ex set you up with her best friend.

... what the heck is that about?

Uh yeah we kind of hooked up tonight, and it was a little weird but what ever. And I really don't know what that is about, maybe she is trying to show me she has moved on and is OK with me dating others I don't know