I have been married for 11 years, have an 8 year old son. Within the last 6 years things have drastically changed. My wife does not work nor does she want to. She sits around the house all day and does NOTHING, no cleaning, dishes, nothing. Meals are fit for a kid and even my son doesn't want to eat them anymore. I have asked, beged, and pleaded with her to do something, get motivated, het back to decent shape(135 when we married and now 240 from doing nothing). I have tried to have sex with her but she doesntg want to every. I'm lucky to have sex 2 times a year. I have been seeing another woman whom I have fallen in love with. We decided I needed to work on my marriage so we stopped seeing each other, my wife and I went to marriage counceling and I have disclosed the affair. It has been months since the affair and she says she has forgiven me but she still has not done anything to help change the marriage, she still hasn't gotten a job, she still won't clean the house unless I help her which I have, in fact I have done most of it myself just because I can't stand it anymore. I still don't have the love for her that I should. If she would ask me to leave I would go running, but I have not been able to ask her for the divorce. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Why isn't she motivated?

She could be depressed? Also I know when you get to the point she is it takes a lot to get you motivated.
When you get use to doing nothing it is hard to even go get a glass of water from the kitchen. It takes a lot of physical strength. You lose energy, motivation and get down in the dumps where you can not climb out,
'The more you work and exercise the more it builds your energy and motivation.
Ask her what can be done to help get her motivated, a membership to Curves, you taking her out on the weekend if she made an effort. What does she say about why she doesn't have any motivation?
Sounds like she may have given up on the marriage long before you had the affair.
Maybe talking in terms of divorce will wake her up and put the motive in her?
What does she say in all this?

She says she is always hurting somewhere yet the doctors can't find anything wrong at all with her. Each day it's a new problem. My son has made comments about her saying "mommy is always tired". All she does is sit/ sleep on the couch. The marriage councelor suggested her to take walks, nope hasn't done that either.

I know in the times in my past where I got 'lazy' I can tell you and it is a proven fact that it also causes tiredness and pains because you are not using your muscles and getting the oxygen you need.

She is/ has been on several anti-depressants. Nothing is working, can't make someone do someing they don't want to do

Anti depressants can cause brain fog and lack of motivation,
She has to wake up one day and tell herself she is sick of sitting around and sick of where it has gotten her and she is determined to make a change and clean the house or something.
Otherwise it will continue as is until you divorce her.
She could set small goals like Monday go through the first floor and throw away any garbage.
Tuesday do all the dishes, Wednesday clean the livingroom, Thursday clean the second floor,

Our councelor has a daily goal set for her but she has not done any of them on her own. It took her 2 weeks to do 5 loads of laundry which I put in the washer to get her motivated. In fact in regards to the other woman she said I can still see her as long as I come home evey night. I want to leave her my heart is not in the marriage anymore. This struggle to get her to do something has been going on for about 4 years now. Should I give her an ultimatum? How much more should I have to deal with?

Also a messy house can cause you to feeling down.
Maybe spend a whole weekend with her getting the house totally clean
And then tell her nicely "How hard can it be to keep it clean if you do a little a day to keep it clean?"

If that is how she feels maybe leaving is your only option.
Then she might wake up to what she is doing to herself.

About 4-5 weeks ago "we" together cleaned the kitchen, sons bedroom, and living room. This is how we spent our 11 year anniversary. Its back to being a mess again. I work 10-12 hours a day with a 1 hour ONE way commute. I think I have tried about everything

Sounds like nothing much you can do but live with it or leave.
She had enough warning signs and could have done something by now even if it was nothing more than cry out that she doesn't want you to leave. Doesn't sound like she has even done that much.

The bible says no divorce, I want to live my life and still serve God. My heart says I need to leave but my conscience is eating me alive. I feel I need to stay because of what the bible preaches, because of my vowes. But I am so misserable, I just wish she would tell me to leave

God understands your situation and your heart.
The Bible also says no adultery

This is why I am trying to change

Thanks for your help. I guess I know deep down if she were to change we could make the marriage work. But in 4 years there hasn't been any change. I feel for my son.

Staying with her is not the answer it will only drag you down too.

You have done everything you can.
Do not help her anymore at all. Not even as much as wash a plate for her.
Basically at this point you are enabling her because you are maintaining things up to acceptable to her standards. Maybe if she has to get up to do something because she wants it done instead of relying on you she might see the problem. So no matter how messy the house is, no matter how much it drives you crazy leave it ALL to her to deal with.
Make sure your son gets fed even if you have to take him out to eat and wash his and your clothes, NOTHING more.

Why is she so tired? Maybe if she drinks coffee it will wake her up, that's what I do. Some days I'm so tired I don't want to do anything, so I make myself a cup and I'm wired the whole day and I clean like there's no tomorrow. On the days I don't drink coffee I have my family help me, like on Sundays my husband cleans the living room, I clean the kitchen, bathrooms, hallway and mop, my oldest girls clean their room. Those kind of things help. When the house is so messy she may not no where to start and it may be too much work for her.

I really think you should give it one more try, though I understand all of your frustration with the whole situation. I think you may have to give her that ultimatum. The bible may say no divorce, but God wants you to be happy and clearly your not. Plus what will God do to you if you do divorce? He is a loving creator, don't be afraid.

What you should do is join a gym and invite her to go with you.. Maybe her weight is making her depressed and she is embrassed to get a job or back to the previous one. That happened to my wife and I bought a workout at home cds and it helped out a lot but I think a gym would be better in your case to take out and treat her a little like buy her a rose for everyday she goes with you. You will think of something she wants and tell her your willing to get it for her or better yet get it and surprise her. Good Luck Hope It Works

I can't imagine anyone would be happy in this marriage.
Your wife must be depressed and overwhelmed.
It sounds like there is such a deep hole she can't even think about climbing out.
It's easier for most to accept their current situation then to put forth the effort to change it.
I wonder if in her world/mind she thinks someday this will change, of course, someday never comes without effort.
All of the lifestyle conditions you have described could be causing depression.
Please keep in mind, your wife did not become depressed and overwhelmed over night, it was a gradual process... the process of healing will not come overnight. Start with the small things: encourage her to help you clean the house, then keep it clean- disorder is surprisingly depressing for most of us. With more energy will come more exercise and hopefully your wife will get back in shape- emotionally and physically.