Hope this isn't going to be to long and boring

Ok... My girlfriend and I had been dating for a bit over a year, I'm 20 and she is 19. We had our fights like all couples do but we would always sort things out. Anyway towards the end of last year we had an argument then on new years eve (a few days later) she decided she wanted to break up with me. So after talking and me making a fool of myself trying to convince her to work things out I let he walk out of my house.

Anyway I went out that night and so did she.. within about 3 hours of her leaving I get a call from her saying come to the party she is at and that she has made a mistake, I declined and said she made her choice we are done.. yet again about 11 I get another call I tell her to leave me alone. Then the next day I go to drop her stuff off and she cries and pleads and I stay strong and refuse to take her back... anyway more calls and messages from her that night.. then about 3 days later I decide to give her another chance.. we meet up and talk about where we think the problems lie and what is good etc etc. This is Thursday... on the Friday I go out with my friends and all is good.. I see her on Saturday during the day all is good.. then on the Sunday she starts another argument I hang up on her she messages appologizing and whatever. Anyway to get to the point she breaks up with me again this is like a week after getting back together.. I am pissed off etc etc.. Then once again we get back together 2 days later... then she breaks up with me a week later...

I go out the next weekend and sleep with some other chick... then about a week later I bump into my ex at the shops... she cries and begs me to take her back and I do (I know I'm an idiot). 2 days later she rings me and says her mum is not letting her see me anymore... I'm fed up with all this stuff by then so can't be bothered arguing... anywayyyyyyy... then next week I find out she is seeing this new guy this really gutters me.. She calls me about 3 weeks later but I don't answer..

About 6 weeks after the last breakup she is at a party I am at... She says we need to talk she tells me she still loves me and misses me I blast her say some pretty mean things and she starts crying... I get up to leave to catch a taxi with my mate and she follows insisting we can work this out.. we are both drunk and I kiss her then go off to my taxi (mind you she has a new boyfriend at this stage).

The next day she calls me we decide to go for a walk... we end up having sex and she breaks up with her boyfrined the next day.. we are back together AGAIN... things go well for 3 weeks except her mum has banned me from her house beacause I apparently upset her daughter too much...
Then she calls me up and says she can't do it anymore her mum is going through a divorce and apparently I'm putting too much stress on her.

So we break up again.. she has been msging me saying she misses me and stuff and I just don't reply anymore trying to do the no contact thing.. Its been just over 2 months since the last break up and I haven't bumped into her anywhere yet which is a good thing...

I really loved this girl with all my heart and I still do... I don't want to get back with her anymore because of all the stuff that has happened.. but I would give anything to go back to the way things were before the first break up... I know that is impossible however.. It just sucks it is destroying me she is all I think about most of the day and night... I really wish I could just stop thinking about her but we had so much fun together and we were really in love it just sucks to throw it all away... I want to just move on with my life.. My uni results this semester were the worst they have ever been I just can't concentrate she is always in my mind... She is not a bad chick but she is so easily led especially by her family.. her mum and sister were the ones that convinced her to break up with me she even told me this so there's nothing I can do..

I don't even know if there was a question in that post maybe it was just a rant who knows... Bottom line is I really really miss her, she was the love of my life and my best friend we got on amazing we talked about starting a family and life together in the future.. I know it is pathetic all the stupid break ups and reconciliations.. She is trouble and I don't trust her but it just sucks I can't get over her .

Jim.

Jim it will take time but you will be able to get over it.

Obviously, the constant breaking up and getting back together isn't going to help you get over it either. I'm glad that you are going NC and I just hope that if she calls you again you don't answer. You must know by now that if you get back together, you won't stay together.

She uses you as her security blanket. She called you when she was upset and lonely, then when she felt better she dumped you. This isn't a healthy situation for you.

As far as her family is concerned, as long as she is going to listen to them, there really isn't much you can do. I'm not sure why her mom would say that you used her daughter too much unless your ex is telling them stories that aren't true or there is more to the story that you left out.

In any case, keep up the NC, you are well on your way after 2 months.

Yer I know I musnt go back to her I just really miss her.. but I'll keep on doing what I'm doing...

The reason her mum doesn't like me is because every time we would have an argument or something bad happened between us she would run to her mum all upset to comfort her.. so it makes me look bad her mum only saw the bad never the good

"jimmymat87" do you really want someone in your life that's SO immature like
That?

Every time that you had an argument with her or something bad happened between you she would run to her mum all upset to comfort her...

Ahah I know your right... I just need to keep telling myself that... maybe the reason I'm hurting so much is because she broke up with me rather than the other way round... I don't know cheers for your help

Jimmy,

What you are feeling is not uncommon, in fact it is totally normal. You can't be expected to get over it immediately after being with her for a fairly long period.

It's the worst thing to hear (trust me I know) but time will make things better. You need to just keep pressing forward and take everyone one day at a time. When your feeling down, tell yourself that you know you will feel better. Think of it like waves. You ride the waves up and down, but as long as you are down, you know there is another up coming along. Sometimes it takes a while, other times it is quick.

My last down time lasted a week, possibly a little more, but before that I was feeling good for almost a month without issue. It's a waiting game... nothing more. Get out, keep busy, have fun.

There is no such thing as "the right girl" only the "right type of girl". There's plenty more.

Cheers bigbird that makes a lot of sense.. I do hate hearing time will make things better but it is true.. I'm still really hurting but time has eased the pain.. thanks for your help

Hang in there...

The first step is accepting its over. Once you can accept its over, you need to learn that life exists after that. There is more to come and chances are you will be happier than before. It's a tough thing to see and hard to think about, but in time you will notice this and it will really boost your mode.

Just remember that it is constant up and downs.

Constant ups and downs for how long... I don't want to feel like this for ever..

constant ups and downs for how long.... i dont want to feel like this for ever..

I can't tell you that. It's been two months and I wonder that myself. I'm sure it isn't the same for everyone, but perhaps people who have been hanging on longer than us will know the answer. It would be nice to know where the finish line is, but it isn't that easy.

People make up a lot of different stats. The most common I have heard is approximately 1 month for every year the relationship lasted. That would put me about halfway at two months, and if the progress from the last two months keeps up, I wouldn't say that is too far off.

Only time will tell...

You're not going to forget a girl you truly love. Never. But you CAN make the process of moving on easier on yourself by not using terms designed to make things harder on yourself.

"She was the love of my life..."
Aren't you like... 20 years old? At BEST, she was the strongest love you felt so far. That's it. The "Love of your Life" is a title you will bestow on someone after being with them and raising a family together and actually weathering storms together. You and this girl couldn't even handle simple heated arguments.

No, she's definitely NOT the love of your life. Stop saying that to yourself. THAT girl you haven't met yet, but she still deserves your respect by NOT giving that title away now to some unsuccessful relationship early in life, OK?

"My uni results this semester were the worst they have ever been i just can't concentrate she is always in my mind...."
Do I even HAVE to give this speech? Your blaming your bad grades on a dating fiasco? How would YOU respond to a good friend who NEEDS to do good in school who said something like that to you? (nudge)

"She is not a bad chick but she is so easily led especially by her family.. her mum and sister were the ones that convinced her to break up with me..."
Wow, just like the last comment, here is the same silly logic again. She broke up because someone else made her do it? Seriously?

Well, at least now I know why you two kept yoyoing back to each other, neither one of you accepted any responsibility for your own actions the whole time. You blame her, she blames her family... breakup, oooo, let's try again, sheesh. Whiplash!

"...she even told me this so theres nothing i can do..."
Uh, yes, there IS! Stop ignoring reality because you like a girl or enjoy the sex. You know your "parts" will work with other girls, too, right? Ones that aren't a complete mismatch to you?

Well, you're already DOING the right thing. Keep going in that direction. But PLEASE give yourself a better chance next time by not being so naïve. You need to HONESTLY judge what is happening when dating someone. You two either enhance each other's or you don't.

Keep that in mind next time. Dating is an experiment so paying attention to the results is sort of required or what's the point?

Good stuff JBeaucaire.

I have began to realise she was not the one for me, when I think about it its probably better I met her when I did than if I was older who knows what may have happened.. A marrige that wouldn't of lasted more than a few years.. would have ruined my life...

I agree it is an experiment and in this case the outcome was bad but I have still learnt from it.. Its just hard to get over her because everything is so interlinked.. she lives around the corner (literally a 30 second drive), she went to the same school as me and is friends with many people I associate with and vice versa.. If it was some chick that the only connection between us was me and her then that would be fine, but there's always the interlinked factor here.. Ive been avoiding places I know she mite be but it is bound that we are going to have a chance meeting soon.. All I hope it is in the not to near future and by the time it happens I can look at her without having to put on act..

Cheers for the help