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brian1231
Jun 19, 2008, 03:28 AM
I am started to like a girl I've been "seeing" for a short time and I am wondering how to show I am not just in it for friends, but also don't want to act too pushy with anything.

I met this girl through a business networking event where she immediately bought me a drink, gave me her business card, and acted flirty with me for our conversation. A month later, I worked up the guts to give her a call to ask her to do some "business networking."
* We met up for our "networking" dinner at a bar. Things went well, we got to know each other.
* The next week we went out for drinks, she seemed fairly intent with getting me drunk, near the end I asked her what bar we were going to next, she replied with her place for a movie and she initiated some very slight cuddling & kiss on the cheek.
* The next week, we got together for a movie at her place, things went well, but no physical contact other than hug at end of night.
* Last night we got together, I brought her some dinner + bottle of wine. She seemed impressed, but was tired from working late. All I could do was to work up the guts to give her a kiss on the forehead(I wish I had tried lips) before I left.

I initiate contact almost every time and ask her to get together every time (she always promptly returns my texts, calls etc... ) I do get some faint, fairly flirty signals that she likes me when we are sitting on the couch. Ie positioning herself closer to me, I catch some mild stares etc...

She will be out of town this weekend for a wedding. How do I go about making it clear that I like her without acting overly anxious? Should I wait for next week to organize another relaxing night like I've been doing and try to make some move then? Is it OK to send her a text today letting her know that I had fun with her last night and hope we can do it again and that she can call me on her trip? Or should I actually ask her out and use the term "date?" Any tips would be helpful. I'd also like help knowing if it seems like she is interested or not and anything else I can do.

nethy
Jun 19, 2008, 04:00 AM
After reading so much about heartache on this site, it's wonderful to hear from someone in your position. Where do I sit on the couch to let her know? What will she think if I send her a text? Will it be too much? What did it mean when she looked at me in that way? Butterflies in the stomach at all Brian?

I think you've been an absolute gentlemen about all this. I don't doubt she's charmed by you in some sense. Whether she's sending signs or you're just seeing them because you want to, well, who can tell? It's impossible to call from outside the situation... and often from inside too, as you're finding out.

I can't think that sending her a text saying you had fun would be a bad idea. Taking the conversation away from business like that will let you know a few things I reckon. See how she responds, take it from there.

You clearly like her. She probably sees that. I'm presuming that the last few movies and dinners were just the two of you? Maybe that tells you something?

At the end of the day though, it's got to be your call. Best of luck buddy.

brian1231
Jun 19, 2008, 04:08 AM
I can't think that sending her a text saying you had fun would be a bad idea. Taking the conversation away from business like that will let you know a few things I reckon. See how she responds, take it from there.

You clearly like her. She probably sees that. I'm presuming that the last few movies and dinners were just the two of you? Maybe that tells you something?

At the end of the day though, it's got to be your call. Best of luck buddy.

Thanks for the advice. We don't really talk about business anymore really, so we are not on that level at all. It is now basically just two people hanging out together. Yes, the last few times we've hung out has just been us. I believe she clearly liked me from our 1st 2 meetings, and nothing has happened to change that recently, but it's just that, nothing has happened/

talaniman
Jun 19, 2008, 04:40 AM
Keep it simple. Have a good time, as you both get to know each other and get comfortable. Be attentive, alert, and always the gentle man. There is no need to spill your innermost guts at this time, as its much to soon. Give you both a chance to get close naturally and if it continues to go well, then you can evaluate the relationship together.

Move to fast, and give to much, to soon, you crash and burn, as there is no hurry for anything, but a great time at this point. Give it 6 months. Be patient till then.

bigbird213
Jun 19, 2008, 04:47 AM
Let things go as they have been going. Why rush it? You are enjoying it now, so take it slow and see where it goes. No doubt things will continue nicely, and if they don't you will have no regrets as you haven't made any 'leaps of faith'.

brian1231
Jun 19, 2008, 05:53 AM
Thanks for the advice. Do you think I've done enough to show that I have "interest"? So from what you are both saying, I assume you believe it would be best to only contact her again next week and try to set up a time to hang out together like we have been doing? And to just keep being the gentleman for now.

You are both right, it is not right to rush into anything and time is our best friend.


Would it be too forward if I just said something like "Thanks for having me over last night, I always enjoy spending time with you and hope we can do it again. Give me a call this weekend if you're board while driving" or even anything along the lines of "Hopefully next week I'll have the guts to ask you out on an actual date."

Just helpful to think out loud and get help in this "dating" thing

bigbird213
Jun 19, 2008, 06:11 AM
I'm probably not your best resource for dating advice, as I haven't started a relationship in 4 years, but I don't see any harm in being nice and telling her that you enjoyed the weekend.

What you need to be careful of is getting too into the relationship while she is taking it slow. Once you become over-invested, it is game over. Make sure you aren't rushing forward and putting too much into something that doesn't really "exist" yet...

starlite1
Jun 19, 2008, 06:45 AM
Hi Brian,

Welcome! I would say a text would be fine. Being a woman, after being on a few get togethers with someone, I know I would be so happy and feel so good by getting a text like that :) . I would keep it short and sweet: 'Thank you for having me over last night, I had a great time. I would like to do this again soon". You are keeping it light, but letting her know you are interested, subtly.
Good Luck!

talaniman
Jun 19, 2008, 07:06 AM
"Thanks for having me over last night, I always enjoy spending time with you and hope we can do it again. Give me a call this weekend if you're board while driving" or even anything along the lines of "Hopefully next week I'll have the guts to ask you out on an actual date."


"Thanks for having me over last night, I always enjoy spending time with you and hope we can do it again. Give me a call this weekend if you're board while driving" or even anything along the lines of " or even anything along the lines of " Can I call you in a few days?

If she says yes, make sure you call. That's it!

brian1231
Jun 19, 2008, 07:54 AM
"Thanks for having me over last night, I always enjoy spending time with you and hope we can do it again. Give me a call this weekend if you're board while driving" or even anything along the lines of "Hopefully next week I'll have the guts to ask you out on an actual date." Can I call you in a few days?

If she says yes, make sure you call. Thats it!!


Great advice from everyone. I think I am just so nervous around her because I am seeing how much we have in common/what a good person she is.

How's this?

"Thanks for having me over last night, I've always enjoyed spending time with you and I hope we can do it again. Do you mind if I give you a call Sunday to see how the wedding went? Take care"



IDK if this is a sign, but my boss just walked in here and gave me a voucher for $100 towards a meal as an appreciation award. Hopefully I can use this on a date of ours sometime and take her out someplace nice (she won't know about the voucher, I get reimbursed after dinner)

brian1231
Jun 19, 2008, 12:53 PM
I sent this message "Thanks for having me over last night, I always enjoy spending time with you and hope we can do it again soon."

No response to that, not good.

starlite1
Jun 19, 2008, 01:23 PM
I sent this message "Thanks for having me over last night, I always enjoy spending time with you and hope we can do it again soon."

No response to that, not good.

Hi Brian,

That was great! Not to worry though. She may be busy and not had a chance to respond. Give it a day or two, and see what happens. Keep us posted! :)

talaniman
Jun 19, 2008, 03:10 PM
What you think she sits and waits to answer your text? Going about your own business and keeping your life balanced is essential. Don't be discouraged give it time.

brian1231
Jun 20, 2008, 04:48 AM
Thanks for the advice star and talaniman. It's been about a day, and there has been no response, but you are both right. I need to focus on other things, which I am going to try to do.

I don't want to seem too pushy, but what if I give her a call sun when she is driving back from the wedding to just chat/see how everything went for her, and then said something along the lines of "I enjoy spending time watching movies at your place with you, but would you like it if I asked you out on a 'real' date this Saturday night?"

IDK, I don't want to seem too pushy at all, but after a few times hanging out and her showing interest initially, this isn't too forward is it?

talaniman
Jun 20, 2008, 04:57 AM
I had overlooked the wedding, and that my friend, is when females are super busy getting hair , clothes, shoes, and a bunch of girl stuff together. Knowing she is really busy, I would wait until this is over, and then see what's up. You've already sent a message, give it time to bear fruit, patients!

brian1231
Jun 20, 2008, 06:17 AM
I had overlooked the wedding, and that my friend, is when females are super busy getting hair , clothes, shoes, and a bunch of girl stuff together. Knowing she is really busy, I would wait until this is over, and then see whats up. You've already sent a message, give it time to bear fruit, patients!

Agreed, I think I am reading too much into this. I get conflicting advice from people. Many of my friends say that I should have acted faster when she was sending me her signals. They think I've sent "friendzone signals" to her. I can kind of see how, I didn't take any initiative when she sent me signals initially, and whenever we do things like watch a movie and she offers to share the blanket with me, I usually end up wrapping her up in it to keep her warmer. (I know I'm lame)

They believe I should ask her out and use the word "date" to let her know at least my faint and other says I should just keep things casual and get to know her. I

You always have great advice tal, what would your next steps be?

starlite1
Jun 20, 2008, 06:22 AM
Hi Brian,

Tal is right. I would wait until she gets back, and see if she responds. If not, then at that point, perhaps you can call her. But I wouldn't do anything right now.

bigbird213
Jun 20, 2008, 06:34 AM
Kissing isn't a "friendzone" signal :)

Calm down, go with the flow.

talaniman
Jun 20, 2008, 07:54 AM
Doing everything I could think of, to not think about her so much.

brian1231
Jun 20, 2008, 11:14 AM
Very good advice. If I seem needy, I am going to only drive her away more. I guess I am just one of those guys who doesn't know the fine line between showing interest and being needy :)

starlite1
Jun 20, 2008, 11:16 AM
Very good advice. If I seem needy, I am going to only drive her away more. I guess I am just one of those guys who doesn't know the fine line between showing interest and being needy :)

And I as a woman have the same issues myself, sometimes :)

bigbird213
Jun 20, 2008, 11:17 AM
A very important skill to learn. Don't over invest yourself Brian... if you do, it just makes it that much harder should (god forbid) anything happen.

brian1231
Jun 20, 2008, 11:26 AM
A very important skill to learn. Don't over invest your self Brian...if you do, it just makes it that much harder should (god forbid) anything happen.

Totally agreed. I guess I should just focus on other things/having fun with friends and just contact her after she gets back and whatever happens happens. If I ask her on a "date" and she says no, then obviously she didn't even care to get to know me anymore even after knowing a bunch about me, and if she says yes, then great. Either way I will know for sure I guess.

brian1231
Jun 23, 2008, 05:05 AM
Thanks for the tips all. I haven't contacted her in the last few days and she just got back from a trip last night. I figure I will try to let things progress naturally the next time I see her.

Quick dating etiquette question. Lately, I've been txting her asking her to hang out the night we would get together, is it more "proper" to ask the day before?

bigbird213
Jun 23, 2008, 05:20 AM
Thanks for the tips all. I haven't contacted her in the last few days and she just got back from a trip last night. I figure I will try to let things progress naturally the next time I see her.

Quick dating etiquette question. Lately, I've been txting her asking her to hang out the night we would get together, is it more "proper" to ask the day before?

My honest opinion -

If she is truly interested in you, your dating etiquette really doesn't matter that much :p

talaniman
Jun 23, 2008, 06:57 AM
I always thought that giving them time was a good idea, as that last minute stuff is hit or miss, if she plans her days. Depends on where your thinking of going. My schedule was pretty hectic also.

brian1231
Jun 23, 2008, 07:30 AM
I always thought that giving them time was a good idea, as that last minute stuff is hit or miss, if she plans her days. Depends on where your thinking of going. My schedule was pretty hectic also.

Yea, her schedules is usually pretty hectic. I think I'll fire her off a quick txt today to just see how her trip went, and then see about tomorrow night.

She is a big Sex in the city fan. She has said she would love to see the movie. Me being the computer nerd I am, downloaded a copy of it off the internet. I was thinking of telling her I was going to show her a "guy movie" and then surprising her with the SIS movie when it starts playing on her TV. Does this make me look cheap or sweet in comparison with actually taking her to the theater (Note: money is not coming into play, I am just trying to do something nice/surprise her). I was thinking of getting some of her favorite food, getting her favorite wine and then surprising her with this movie.

starlite1
Jun 23, 2008, 07:55 AM
Hi Brian,

I think that is really sweet. I actually saw the movie in the theatre and loved it. But, take this slow right now. I know you are wanting to get together with her for another date, but, wait until you actually talk to her first so you can feel things out.

bigbird213
Jun 23, 2008, 08:04 AM
... Just make sure you don't want to kill yourself by the end of the movie

:D

brian1231
Jun 25, 2008, 04:45 AM
I asked her to hang out last night. She said she couldn't since she was too tired from working 14hrs straight (she is really stressed this time of the month)

I think I am going to give her some space for the next couple of days while she is stressed out at work. Ill see about hanging out with her this weekend/next week once things calm down. Depending on how things go, I will probably try a talk with her to gauge her feelings towards me (if she just wants friendship/ is interested in me other ways etc... )

bigbird213
Jun 25, 2008, 05:09 AM
I think your putting too much in at this point. You shuoldn't be worrying about this all the time. Let her come to you and make plans. You have made your interest apparent, so let her decide what she wants to do next.

talaniman
Jun 25, 2008, 05:16 AM
Depending on how things go, I will probably try a talk with her to gauge her feelings towards me (if she just wants friendship/ is interested in me other ways etc... )

Get to know her personally, makes for a better conversation, and you can learn also. It also keeps the pressure off her to have a relationship, and that helps at this stage, as the idea is to make her enjoy these conversations as a welcome distraction to a busy person. You can discuss this relationship after you actually have one. Right now your trying to figure out how to hook up so knowing the best times is what's a lot more important, and you can let her get glimpses of yourself also. Keep it light, till you know more.

brian1231
Jun 25, 2008, 05:32 AM
Good advice from you both. You are both right, I am moving way too ahead of myself and she shouldn't be the center of my universe like she is. I think I became infatuated with the idea of a partner too quickly and made too grand of plans with her and moved ahead too quickly with things. Things should not be this hard/worrisome. I guess I just need to gain confidence that if things were meant to be, then they would work out in the end.

I think the forward signals I got from her early on, but how she never calls/txts me tied into me second guessing myself for not making a move has just made this all harder on me.

I guess a good step for me would be to go NC for at least 2 weeks and see if she gets a hold of me. If she doesn't contact me by then, I guess I will re-evaluate my interest level and decide if I should pursue further, or just give her a call to see what's up.

bigbird213
Jun 25, 2008, 05:35 AM
Not necessarily NC, you don't need to ignore her. But I think you need a distraction. This does sound like infatuation and I think that has the potential to scare her away. She knows your interested, take it easy, let her contact you, or try again in a while. She doesn't need the pressure especially if she is very busy like you say.

brian1231
Jun 25, 2008, 05:40 AM
Not necessarily NC, you don't need to ignore her. But I think you need a distraction. This does sound like infatuation and I think that has the potential to scare her away. She knows your interested, take it easy, let her contact you, or try again in a while. She doesn't need the pressure especially if she is very busy like you say.

When I said NC, I meant to say that I'd let her contact me 1st. You're right, she has to have at least an idea that I am interested in her by now, even though I haven't done more than ask her to hang out, kiss her on the forehead.

But yea, I don't want to put too much pressure on her especially with the workload that she does have.

bigbird213
Jun 25, 2008, 05:49 AM
even though I haven't done more than ask her to hang out, kiss her on the forehead.


I think that's plenty. If after a while it seems she really doesn't get it, be a little more forward. But give it time, for your own sake :p

talaniman
Jun 25, 2008, 06:20 AM
I have to be honest, your single and free to enjoy whom ever you want, and just because you are attracted to someone who is busy right now, should you stop dating others casually?? Heck NO!!

brian1231
Jun 25, 2008, 06:36 AM
I have to be honest, your single and free to enjoy whom ever you want, and just because you are attracted to someone who is busy right now, should you stop dating others casually??? Heck NO!!!


Well to be totally honest, I was dating someone else up until a week or two ago. I could see that this other girl didn't offer me much anyway, and that if things worked out with this current girl I like, then I didn't want her to ever find out I was concurrently sleeping with someone while she and I were talking, if that makes sense?

I am going to continue to go out and see about finding other girls and not wait at home for JUST this one.

brian1231
Jun 26, 2008, 04:44 AM
Last night I decided to go for broke. I saw in her away message that she asked "Anyone want to go out for a drink later?" She doesn't know that I saw the message, but I said I was in the city and asked if I could stop by to drop something off. 3hrs later she returned my txt just saying "sorry, I went to dinner with my sister"

I figured that if she really wanted to hang out, she would have
A) Invited me for drinks since I had asked the night before
B) Not taken 3 hrs to responded.

I'll take this as a signal and not contact her at all for at least a couple of weeks, if ever. Time to move on.

I think after my last BU, I used this girl as a crutch for the last month and really began to like the idea of a relationship again, and she seemed like a good person/we had a lot in common so I feel in love with the idea of a relationship.

happy_jester
Jun 26, 2008, 05:03 AM
After all this time (& it was going SO well)

As you say,if she had been further interested in you,she wouldn't have taken 3 hours
To return your text (& she went out with someone else,her sister)

You also realise that you were using her as a crutch (so perhaps she wasn't the
One for you.)

talaniman
Jun 26, 2008, 07:30 AM
brian1231, Last night I decided to go for broke. I saw in her away message that she asked "Anyone want to go out for a drink later?" She doesn't know that I saw the message, but I said I was in the city and asked if I could stop by to drop something off. 3hrs later she returned my txt just saying "sorry, I went to dinner with my sister"

I figured that if she really wanted to hang out, she would have
A) Invited me for drinks since I had asked the night before
B) Not taken 3 hrs to responded.
Thats your wounded ego talking. You can't presume her motives or reasons at this time, and they are irrelevant. You had high hopes that were unfulfilled, and your acting as if you have no confidence in yourself, with your degree of dissapointment. Just me I would have answered with "Sorry I missed you , my loss" Then you can always go back with a specific date, and she will have time to think it over.

I'll take this as a signal and not contact her at all for at least a couple of weeks, if ever. Time to move on.
I don't think it was a signal, just the way it worked out, shrug it off. They only thing apparent here is last minute suggestions and opurtunities didn't work, and something better defined might. Most females would rather have time to consider, especially with a stranger.
I think after my last BU, I used this girl as a crutch for the last month and really began to like the idea of a relationship again, and she seemed like a good person/we had a lot in common so I feel in love with the idea of a relationship.
You got somewhat carried away, and have to regroup and rethink. Did you expect her to make it easy for you?? The signal you overlook is she responded, late but she did take the time to let you know what went on. The reaction to this is up to you.

Another thing comes to mind as your willingness to stop dating others, and pursue this female, is a red flag to me, as your already putting to much importance on her being in your life and that is not healthy at this point in time. She is a stranger whom you don't know, and are trying to know, not a reason to put your life on hold.

Don't stop doing your thing, but if the oppurtunity comes up, invite her out again. You have nothing to lose here my friend. It shows your confidence, your interest and your ability to cope. You cope with rejection the same way you cope with lint on your sweater, flick it aside, and give it no more thought.

brian1231
Jun 26, 2008, 10:20 AM
Wow Tal. Way to hit the nail on the head. You are right, it is my wounded ego. I made her too much of a priority in my life WAY too quickly. I was hoping this all worked out a lot easier than it did. I was also counting my chickens before they hatched. A few days ago I was talking about how much she must like me, and all it takes is a couple minor things and I am ready to give up? That isn't right of me.

I never really decided to stop dating others just for her, but yea, it is a red flag that I was/am so willing to make a girl I've met only a half dozen times my top priority in life. And you are again correct in saying I have nothing to loose here. I think I will not initiate contact for a week or two for my sake, not hers. I need to calm down and "chill out" about this whole thing and regroup.

If two weeks go by, and she has not contact me, I think Ill send her a quick txt/call her and say something like "Hey I really liked hanging out with you and think you are a very pretty, very nice girl who'd I'd like to take out on an actual date. If you're not interested I understand and it was great spending time with you."

This way, I am not pushy, but I do make my intentions known and I have nothing to regret. The worst is that she says no and I take some lessons from this, brush it off and move on. I've not done anything significantly wrong, so I have nothing to feel badly about.

talaniman
Jun 26, 2008, 10:28 AM
I have nothing to feel badly about.

That was my point. You have nothing to feel bad about.

(sigh of relief)

starlite1
Jun 26, 2008, 10:30 AM
wow Tal. Way to hit the nail on the head. You are right, it is my wounded ego. I made her too much of a priority in my life WAY too quickly. I was hoping this all worked out alot easier than it did. I was also counting my chickens before they hatched. A few days ago I was talking about how much she must like me, and all it takes is a couple minor things and I am ready to give up? That isn't right of me.

I never really decided to stop dating others just for her, but yea, it is a red flag that I was/am so willing to make a girl I've met only a half dozen times my top priority in life. And you are again correct in saying I have nothing to loose here. I think I will not initiate contact for a week or two for my sake, not hers. I need to calm down and "chill out" about this whole thing and regroup.

If two weeks go by, and she has not contact me, I think Ill send her a quick txt/call her and say something like "Hey I really liked hanging out with you and think you are a very pretty, very nice girl who'd I'd like to take out on an actual date. If you're not interested I understand and it was great spending time with you."

This way, I am not pushy, but I do make my intentions known and I have nothing to regret. The worst is that she says no and I take some lessons from this, brush it off and move on. I've not done anything significantly wrong, so I have nothing to feel badly about.

Hi Brian,

You didn't do anything wrong at all. Just keep NC for a while, and let her come to you if she wants to. In the meantime, go have fun for yourself.

bigbird213
Jun 26, 2008, 10:38 AM
Hey Brian,

Just a suggestion...

Get busy looking for another girl too... when you have options its much easier to not get hung up on one like you did... If your only thinking about one person all the time - it shows.

brian1231
Jun 26, 2008, 10:46 AM
Hey Brian,

Just a suggestion....

Get busy looking for another girl too...when you have options its much easier to not get hung up on one like you did... If your only thinking about one person all the time - it shows.

I agree. I was doing better off when I was seriously looking into two. As my interest faded in one I started paying too much attention to this girl. I actually met a girl last night, gave her my number. She seemed very interested, so Ill see where that goes. I've got nothing to loose there either.

bigbird213
Jun 26, 2008, 10:50 AM
There you go, just stop thinking about her for a while - both of them. What happens - happens...

brian1231
Jun 30, 2008, 03:40 AM
Well I was a moron and decided I'd ask her out on a real date Saturday, so I called her up Saturday around lunch time. She returned my call about an hour later and said she'd been cleaning all day. I asked her what she was up to later on in the evening and said she was busy for a bit, then some friends from out of town wanted to have her go out with them, but she just wanted to relax all weekend and not do anything. I told her to call me back once she was done cleaning to let me know what was up so we could maybe do something then.

She didn't get back to me until last night when she said "Sorry I never got back to you last night. Some Friends from out of town dragged m e out - hope you had fun though"

Sound like a blow off?

talaniman
Jun 30, 2008, 05:53 AM
Sound like a blow off?

Sounds more like to busy. Back to the drawing board. Get a new date this week. Have some fun yourself.

brian1231
Jun 30, 2008, 05:55 AM
Sounds more like to busy. Back to the drawing board. Get a new date this week. Have some fun yourself.


Get a new date with her or someone else?

I didn't respond back to her. I was thinking of a response of "Totally fine, hope you had a great time too. Now I will just have to find another time to work up the guts to ask you out on an actual date :)"

talaniman
Jun 30, 2008, 06:56 AM
Get a new date with her or someone else?

Someone else. When we put all our focus on one thing we miss other things.
You can always try her later, like when a specific event comes up. My guess is she needs the time to fit things in her busy schedule, so back away and take care of you until such a time comes around.

Females are tricky to understand, but that she takes time to return your call is a good thing , but if you continue to see things in a disappointing, or negative way you may overlook what she is sending you. Pay attention with your brain, and not your ego. Take nothing personal, so you can see reality. That goes for all the females you encounter.

brian1231
Jul 9, 2008, 06:09 AM
Tal > I decided to take your advice and do what my gut said. I resolved that I'd let her contact me next. Last tues she asked me to meet up for lunch/drinks after work. I had things going on so I couldn't. Monday morning she sent me a txt asking me if I wanted to go out for drinks sometime this week. I figure we will probably meet up tonight.

I've learned to chill out a bit about all of this, and whatever happens happens. If it's meant to be, it will all work out. Ill try not to make the same mistakes as I've made before and take it one step at a time.

talaniman
Jul 9, 2008, 07:43 AM
That's the attitude, just HAVE FUN, AND MAKE SURE SHE DOES TO!

Romefalls19
Jul 9, 2008, 07:46 AM
Yep Tal, enjoy the company and have fun with each other. Don't push too much

bigbird213
Jul 9, 2008, 09:28 AM
There you go...

Think of yourself in her position. If you met someone that you thuoght was interesting, but wanted to get to know more, wouldn't you be turned off by constant attention and being asked out all the time? Let her wonder...

It sounds backwards, but you keep the upper hand by doing less...

brian1231
Jul 9, 2008, 11:37 AM
There you go....

Think of yourself in her position. If you met someone that you thuoght was interesting, but wanted to get to know more, wouldn't you be turned off by constant attention and being asked out all the time? Let her wonder....

It sounds backwards, but you keep the upper hand by doing less...


Totally agree. I just asked her if she was still up for drinks tonight, and she said her car is still getting fixed and has to hear back from the mechanics, if it is fixed she is up for it. IDK if I should offer to pick her up at her job if it is not fixed by tonight or just offer for another time.

bigbird213
Jul 9, 2008, 11:40 AM
Totally agree. I just asked her if she was still up for drinks tonight, and she said her car is still getting fixed and has to hear back from the mechanics, if it is fixed she is up for it. IDK if I should offer to pick her up at her job if it is not fixed by tonight or just offer for another time.

Don't talk to her again tonight unless she calls you. That's what we mean by relax and play it as it goes. You reached out to her, she knows your still interested in going out tonight. If she wants to go, she will get ahold of you. If not, go do something else.

And STOP thinking about it :)

INTEGRA-B18
Jul 9, 2008, 11:48 AM
I am started to like a girl I've been "seeing" for a short time and I am wondering how to show I am not just in it for friends, but also don't want to act too pushy with anything.

I met this girl through a business networking event where she immediately bought me a drink, gave me her business card, and acted flirty with me for our conversation. A month later, I worked up the guts to give her a call to ask her to do some "business networking."
* We met up for our "networking" dinner at a bar. Things went well, we got to know each other.
* The next week we went out for drinks, she seemed fairly intent with getting me drunk, near the end I asked her what bar we were going to next, she replied with her place for a movie and she initiated some very slight cuddling & kiss on the cheek.
* The next week, we got together for a movie at her place, things went well, but no physical contact other than hug at end of night.
* Last night we got together, I brought her some dinner + bottle of wine. She seemed impressed, but was tired from working late. All I could do was to work up the guts to give her a kiss on the forehead(I wish I had tried lips) before I left.

I initiate contact almost every time and ask her to get together every time (she always promptly returns my txts, calls etc....) I do get some faint, fairly flirty signals that she likes me when we are sitting on the couch. Ie positioning herself closer to me, i catch some mild stares etc...

She will be out of town this weekend for a wedding. How do I go about making it clear that I like her without acting overly anxious? Should I wait for next week to organize another relaxing night like I've been doing and try to make some move then? Is it ok to send her a txt today letting her know that I had fun with her last night and hope we can do it again and that she can call me on her trip? Or should I actually ask her out and use the term "date?" Any tips would be helpful. I'd also like help knowing if it seems like she is interested or not and anything else I can do.
I really don't answer these subjects im a car man but i know a lot about women. Look i didn't even read the rest of your post after about the 3rd paragraph. You need to make a move, that is what she wants you to do but you are being too shy which makes her feel like she is not good enough or you don't have much interest in her. You are the man you have to establish where you all stand. The best thing you can do is tell her how you feel and see how she responds. The worst she can say is no and at least you tried with out wondering any longer how she feels.
Good luck

INTEGRA-B18
Jul 9, 2008, 11:50 AM
And Also She Seems Like The Type Of Girl Who Like To Have Fun And Get Into Something Exciting And You Might Just Have To Bite Your Lip Wheter Your Nervous Or Not And Be Exciting.

brian1231
Jul 9, 2008, 11:51 AM
Thanks for the responses big and integra.

Yea, I plan on making a move the next time I see her. I'd like her to know how I feel. She sent me the txt about getting together if she has a car and I haven't responded back yet.

I guess I feel like I am stuck between "playing hard to get" and making sure she knows I "like" her.

INTEGRA-B18
Jul 9, 2008, 12:07 PM
You Do A Little Of Both Let Her Know How You Feel Then Act Like You Have More Important Things On Your Mind Than Her But Don't Ignore Her.

bigbird213
Jul 9, 2008, 12:54 PM
I'm fairly certain that she already knows you like her. Integra, because you said you didn't I'd suggest you read the rest of the post to get a feel for the signs and signals he has thrown off to her... She must know that your interested, I think tis time to relax before you get too pushy...

INTEGRA-B18
Jul 9, 2008, 12:58 PM
You Can't Just Expect Some One To Know That You Like Thim Simply Due To A Few Signs You Have To Have A Talk About It, Then If It Goes No Where After The Talk Then I Agree With You Sit Back And Let It Come To You But Its Better To Try Then Lose It Not Trying At All.

talaniman
Jul 9, 2008, 03:15 PM
Less is more!!