Hey all,
I have been reading a lot of the material on here and some of it as definitely helped, but I think it is time that I need to share my story(and to let some emotions out too). So far though, a lot of the material has really helped me and given me some goals for myself.

Here is my story, but let me start by going over how we met and then finish with today, and onwards to the future:

So I first met Chloe in middle school around the time I was 12 or 13(we went to different schools but had a mutual friend so we started hanging out). I would see her probably 2-3 times a month and we became friends after we starting hanging out with each other. We truly were really good friends and as we became older, our friendship really matured as we both cherised each other's company and tried planning activities around each other( in fact we both became involved on the board of a youth group so we could spend time with each other). Like I just mentioned, we both were really good friends and as I got older I started to realize that I was falling for this girl. To me, everything about her seemed perfect, and I wanted to go after her. For some reason, we were both extremely comfortable around each other and could tell each other everything and anything about our lives. I don't know how to explain it but we just clicked. I would say in our high school years we began to have an "unspoken flirtation" with each other. However, both of us were too afraid to make a move and change anything about our relationship. Simply because both of us were busy with applying to colleges and all, we had a little bit of a falling out(not really just we didn't get to see and/or to talk to each other nearly as much as we used to). As a result of this I put some of my feelings for her on a backburner, and shortly thereafter starting hooking up with another girl. This new girl, Jackie would eventually be my girlfriend for a year. In the beginning of my relationship with Jackie, I was skeptical about taking her to my prom because I did not know how long we would last and did not want to chance my prom date. Of course I asked Chloe and she said yes, but to a circumstance beyond both of our control(scheduling), she was not able to come. After that, I went back to the new girl and continued my relationship with her as I was having fun. It truly was a lot of fun, and she was a great person to be my first serious girlfriend. Moving on towards the summer, my friend and I started talking more and hanging out (although my girlfriend at the time dissaproved but I didn't care). One night, things just finally clicked... as I was leaving her house after hanging out with her friends and her, we just both knew what each person was thinking and we both went for it at the same time. Of course she apologized for it because she did not want to put me in an awkward position. I ended up cheating on my girlfriend 2 more times with her before I put a stop to it as I felt too guilty about it ( despite the fact that I had feelings for both girls as the same time). Moving on, we both went our separate ways and off to college. I continued to stay with my girlfriend but as time went on that relationship became rocky and my feelings slowly started to fade as I realized that she was immature and we really didn't have all too much in common (we were perfect opposites, but we really complimented each other). It just so happened that my friend and I started talking again (her initiation) and I turned to her when my relationship was rocky. I broke up with my girlfriend of one year as I started to become really confused with my feelings and I needed some time to sort everything out. A month after I broke up with my girlfriend, both me and my friend were home and we started hanging out again. We started hooking up and it was wonderful. Not only was it fun, but we both felt a deep emotional and physical connection to each other (I think a large part of that is because we both knew so much about each other). Things got pretty serious quickly, although neither of us wanted a relationship because it wasn't feasible at this point in time as we were both going back to school in a few weeks. We both went back to school, but kept in contact and saw each other a few times over the rest of the semester (and she visited me for a weekend which was nice). We never really defined what we were at any point, but we both knew that nothing needed to be said as it was unspoken. I didn't hookup with any other girls at school ( I have no idea what she did, nor do I care to know) as we both agreed that when we were home we were together and when we were at school, we were at school. So as the end of the school year comes to a close I sense that something is wrong as we aren't talking at much and I feel like she is avoiding/ not returning my texts and calls. Eventually I get that call from her and she says that she things it is best we go back to being friends right now, as she does not want to be attached to anyone. (This was while we were still at school). When we got home, we both met in person for coffee to discuss the situation) It was one of those, "it's me, not you" speeches. She wants to focus on herself, and her life and figure out what she wants to do in life and what she wants in relationship. I understand that self-reflection is important, and prioritizing herself is also important. However, the fact that she doesn't want to be attached to anyone while she does this is confusing and upsetting. I know there isn't another guy, both from her and her friends(as they would know). I think she got scared of our relationship getting even more serious, and then us both going back to school. Although we wouldn't be in a relationship, those feelings still exist. She says that she still has romantic attachment and feelings for me, it's just that for some reason that she can't explain, she feels the need to do this and not focus on a relationship now.

It's been about two weeks since that happened and I haven't been in any form of contact with her since then. Obviously, I am very upset, disapointed, hurt, confused and a lot of other emotions. I know that she did not want to hurt me, as she said that she is hurting a part of herself by doing this, and by hurting someone who is both a near and dear friend, as well as someone she is romantically involved with. I just feel like she is scared of everything she is feeling right now ( she has never been in a serious relationship) and that she is trying to avoid falling for me even more by ending this early. It just dissapoints me that someone I care about so much is pushing me away. I wanted to be there for her when she was trying to figure things out, and I would have hoped that she would have wanted to turn to me for help and advice. Day by day the shock of this is getting less and less worse, however I still have feelings for her. I know that only time can heal these type of wounds, but I feel like I will never stop having feelings for her, no matter what happens. It's unfortunate that things aren't turning out as I would like to, but I also need to respect her feelings.

Of course she still wants to remain close friends with me, and I definitely want her in my life too, but I am deciding to stay away until I am ready and able to do that. I do not know when that will be, but I don't want to put either of us in an awkward and uncomfortable position. I do not want us to be both hanging out and then feel pressure, or if something happens just because, I feel like that will complicate things tenfold. I do not know if I will ever be able to be only "friends" with her, because I know that we both have a very special relationship with each other ( on both a platonic and romantic level). For me, it was the perfect combination. I am just sorry that she does not want us to be together as of now.

People have told us that they saw us coming together as a couple from the beginning and were waiting for nearly 2.5 years for things to finally happen, and they did (maybe not as anyone expected or planned, but they did). People have compared us and our relationship, as well as our courting(if people still even use that word) to Rachel and Ross from the TV show friends, and I definitely feel that is very similar to my relationship with this girl. Maybe one day down the road our paths will reconnect with each other and we might explore dating each other once again. Maybe this is just one of those parts where we are on a break and we need to date other people just to realize how much we care about each other. Who knows. I hope that happens, but at the same time I need to be prepared for that not to happen (which is very difficult but I hope it gets easier to cope with). I feel like during this time in our lives, we may not be sure what we really want and are trying to learn and figure out things about ourselves and mistakes along the way. Maybe this is just time that we need to spend apart from each other to see really how much we care about each other to see how much we miss each other and whether our feelings prevail through this rocky and tough part of both of our lives.

The NC part has been really tough, but I think it is the best medicine right now, but at some point or another I know that one of us will have to end it, as I still want her in my life. I have too many roots with her not to go back to being friends, and I care for her so much that I could not let myself treat her like that and just completely push her to the side and not even be a friend to her.

If you read this post all the way through, I appreciate it and send my warmest thanks. From reading all of these posts, I truly admire the complete support and caring for those people we do not even know, just another name on an internet forum. I would appreciate any advice, words of wisdom, encourgement, etc. I think it would truly help me, as things are starting to get more difficult for me as I am trying to reach some sort of understanding and acceptance with her feelings as well as my own.

I am sorry that this is so long, and some of it may be rambling on and I might not have explained everything I wanted to the best I can in words(as we all know it is very hard to translate pure emotion into words). Thanks so much, and I look forward to your help.

I think all you can do for now is allow her the freedom to pursue her dreams and basically wait it out. From what you have said so far it doesn't sound like she is getting into other relationships so maybe she does hope in the back of her mind that you might be there when she is ready.
I think all you can do is keep contact with her open and tell her something like
You know we have a connection like most couples never find and if and when you are ready and we are both free I hope you know I would love nothing more than to have a chance at a relationship with you. Let me know if and when you feel that time is right for us.

Good post and yes, I did read all of it. Seems like you have a good grip on what the right thing to do is. I would stick with the NC for now as hard as they may be. I am sure she is thinking about you too. Glad you are here with us. Nice to see you respecting her wishes. That is a positive step.

Your approach, and actions, and attitude in this matter are mature, thoughtful, and practical. I have no advice, none.

Stay on your path, and good luck!

Hey buddy,
You did a really good job of translating emotion to words. And you think your post is long, look at some of mine. They're like friggen novels, lol.

On a more serious note, I really feel for you in your situation. NC is good, but I understand how you still want her to be in your life. That's the same way I feel about my ex girlfriend. Its tough to decide though, what relationship you want... I am sure you will one day reunite, maybe not as a couple, but as friends. Keep talking here, pour out your emotions, we are here to support and help you.
Try visiting "The NC Calender" (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-calendar-124229-220.html) thread.

Good luck with your situation.

Hey thanks for reading that again, really appreciate that, and thanks for the advice.

So about the whole NC thing... I was planning on keeping NC longer but after 3 weeks of NC she actually txted me last night to see how I was doing. She actually wants to meet up with me on Saturday to go for coffee or ice cream and I'm not sure if I should go or not, as much as I want to see her and spend time with her. It might be a good opportunity to tell her how I feel about the whole situation and how I want to support her during her period of self reflection. This is all her initiation, is that a good sign? What do you think I should do?

My mom used to say, "let the person go and if he or she is meant for you, they will come back to you." If it was meant to be, then it will be. I know that is hard to hear, but sometimes you may force the relationship and then both of you outgrow each other. Let her grow while you also grow and then reintroduce yourself to the new person that both of you will be.

This is all her initiation, is that a good sign? What do you think I should do?

Do you think she may just be trying to adjust, and needs a friend? I do, so don't get all hopeful that her mind has changed. If that is her intent, just wanting someone to be friends with, you need to evaluate yourself honestly, and don't put yourself in the friend zone whenever she gets a bit lonely. For you, that's dangerous, as it will fuel false hope, and severely hinder your healing big time.

As with pouring your heart out, and begging her for another chance. I wouldn't, why should you, as you're the one who was dumped. She has no more rights to your time whenever she wants nor is it realistic to expect you to be there for her when she was obviously not wanting to be there for you.

I would weigh this decision very carefully, before I put myself at the beck and call of another, if it may go against your best interest.

Let us know what you decide, and what happens.
I am not in NC with my ex right now. Of course, I also go to high school with her, so avoiding her would be impossible.

Good luck, and keep us updated...

Since she is the one who asked for 'friendship', it's your choice to make. If you cannot handle it yet, let her know and she should respect that.
If you are willing to go back to square one and are able to cope, just make sure that she cannot have friendship with benefits unless she is ready to commit more.

Some of my exes are good friends now but it did take a lot of time and mutual respect to reach that point. We also had a long history and mutual career interests to share which made things easy in the 'neutral' corner.

Good luck dear. We are here with you no matter how it goes.

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Thanks again for taking the time to post your thoughts and share your advice. I really appreciate it and it has helped a lot.

So I spoke with some friends about it and they thought it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go out to grab either coffee or ice cream together with her(as that is something we have been doing for years together anyways). I think that when we hang out on Saturday afternoon I am going to tell her how I feel about the whole situation.

I am going to tell her how I realize that she probably made the right decision for the both of us right now and that we should focus on other things in our life right now. We still have a lot of time to grow and figure things out about this world, other people as well as ourselves and this is the perfect time to do so. Relationships take a lot of work and neither of us have time to really work and keep a functioning and healthy relationship, as we both go to different universities. I am also going to say that I know you are confused about a lot of things, and want to figure stuff out on your own and learn for yourself, but I am fully supporting you and your desire for self-reflection, and am here to help if you want any advice or such.

That's what I know I'm definitely going to say(unless any of you think that it will do some serious damage, although I don't), however this is where I would like some more advice and opinions please! I am thinking about telling her how this time apart and NC has made me realize how much I care about her and how I wouldn't want her not to exist at all in my life, whether that be as a friend or something more. The time of NC has allowed me to clear my mind, step out of the situation and see things in a better situation. I know she still has feelings for me, but they are being put on a backburner so she can figure out what she wants and not be attached. That's great for her and I am trying to do the same thing myself. I think it might be a good idea to tell her exactly what nohelp4ru suggested, to tell her that I think we have a special connection that most people have, and although the time might not be right to explore that now, and we both don't know if and/or when that will happen, but if it does and we are both ready then I think it would be a good idea to explore that road again.

Thanks again and I look forward to seeing what you all suggest.