Hello

I recently had a relationship end after 3 years... I caused it to be honest as I was far too controlling she was much younger than me and trust was an issue as well.. I could trust her but not guys her age...
To be honest the thing was doomed from the start
But she was an amazing and wonderful girl who really had enough of me so I don't actually want her or this relationship back again.. no way at all.. I do however want to get through the hurt of missing her so much

I know it probably more 'habit' than anything she was there for 3 years
Now everything reminds me of her smells music... so many stupid things too...
Even when I look at guys her age it depresses me because I think she will end up with someone like that

She has told me recently to back off and not contact her again which is what I want to do but some days its so hard...
I wonder what she is doing who she is with... it kills me...
Anyone saying it will pass is exactly right but its hurting so much at the moment
I want to email her and talk to her I want to know what she is doing but I don't because it may hurt too much

I also feel she doesn't care or miss me in any way... am I right to think like this?
I so want to move on... I just want my life back the way it was before I met her

I want her to be happy too but... not yet... is that making sense?
What can I do

Please help
:(

Hi sadsack!

You have to go on with your life, and let he live hers. Maybe God has someone better for you, that will go thorugh the good, and bad time with you. Be patient and let him work in you're life. One mistake we as humans do, we base our happiness by what others can do for us. You have to be happy with youserf first, before you can share your life with someone else. I will keep you in my prayers, and you need to pray also. You sound like a wonderful person that would bring much joy insomeone's life. God will bring a whole person in your life, just work on making yourself whole. Be blessed!

Hey Sadsack,

I am sorry that you are going through this. I am currently going through heartbreak right now. It's not something I would wish on my worst enemy.. It's awful.

You were wondering if she was missing you because she's not answering your calls. Let me tell you, she IS missing you.. I broke up with my boyfriend on Friday and asked him not to call me because it makes it so hard for me to hear his voice. She is sad and she is hurting just like you...

You will be OK.. I'm hurting just like you and there are millions out there hurting right now too..

Going on here to vent really seems to help. Always talk to us about how you're feeling, we are here for you.. just as all you are here for me..

Thank you Robinsonangela1

I find great peace in reading comments on this site as so many other people are feeling the same... I know it will get better I just wish it was today...
Should I make contact with her? Sometimes I feel I just 'need to' On more time

Plonak

I really appreciate your words I do feel so guilty that I was like I was it may have been controlling perhaps it was me being overprotective because I know what guys her age are like she is 22...
I don't want to sound uncaring about I hope she is missing me.. but On a weird level it would make me feel better as I go on x

Sadsack,

Try not to let the guilt over power you.. It will slow your process of moving on.. I admit I feel guilty for causing my boyfriend pain by breaking up with him, but I know it's not healthy to keep going over it again and again in our heads..

What you can do is learn from your mistakes. Take action to stop that behavior.. go to counseling and figure out why you're so controlling. Heartbreak can really help us to look within ourselves to a fix our problems. Just because I broke up with my boyfriend, doesn't mean I don't have problems that need to be worked on.. I'm learning too.

On thing that I hat thinking about is the fact that she may be with someone else?
Its so so weird its like I want to know but I don't want to know if that makes sense?

I know if I did Id be a mess but Id know

If I don't then Thcuriosity is still there but it did kill the cat I suppose

Don't think those things!! Those thoughts creep in my head too, and I try to push them out.. it's not healthy to think about who they could be with.. It's time to think about yourself now and work on yourself..

She is not your concern now, and honestly what she does and who so is with, is none of your business.. I know it hurts to hear that, someone wise told me that the other day... and it hurt to hear that but it's true.. hang in there.

Plonak I do really appreciate your kind words this is so rough!

It is so rough, I'm right there with you.. I need to give it to God, and I'm having a hard time with it right now..

When I broke up with my ex, I worried so much that he wasn't going to be OK, and he was going to do something stupid because he was so hurt by us breaking up.. but I can't worry about him now. I have to worry about me.. and someone asked me, "trust that God will take care of him, do you think you can do a better job taking care of him than God can??" really good question.. God created this person that you love, and God created you and knows you inside out. He's really the only one that you can go to to really find the comfort that you are looking for.

She has told me recently to back off and not contact her again which is what I want to do but some days its so hard...

Its hard because your intent on getting what you want, and not accepting, or caring about what SHE wants. Either way, buddy, its time to leave her alone, and stop contacting her, and get your own life in order.

I agree that's what I should do, but you know why is it that your 'illogical side' kicks in after you convince yourself to stop doing it.. you get good you see the light then you get miserable again...
Im at that point whwre Im about to slip again... Im holding on for all that's good for me

I don't know what you men have got with this 'age' thing.

When I was in my early twenties, I dated men my senior because they were intellectually my equal - and I know why they date me - it was because I looked like a Barbie Doll and they wanted to 'show me off'. We both benefited from this as I got a better education and they had their ego's stroked. Many of them are still in the circle of my friends and we laugh about the good-old days. I married the wrong man - my age - and didn't finish my study of medicine, but have a wonderful daughter and grandson to make up for that mistake.

Later, when I was divorced, I met a young man in his twenties while I was 35. He treated me like a queen and swore he'd never go out with anyone younger. Well, he's married to a woman his age and they have children now too. So... the world turns and life goes on.

I know that each man and woman have this 'thing' about the 'other guy or girl', but it's stupid to think that this is the only reason for someone to move on. We all mature at our own pace, and when that happens, we make other choices in life - we just have to accept them and cope and also respect that when it happens to our partners.

The pain of a break-up and future rejections are also a part of life, as normal as breathing, and happens to all of us. There is nothing unique in this at all.

The things you do have control of in life is through learning from your mistakes and how you plan your future without dwelling on the past. This is hard and takes more time for some than it does for others, but you too will get through it. Caring and missing are normal emotions but we don't always share this part with others for self-preservation and not through meaness - so accept this and go on.

Don't blame the other men you see - they make their own mistakes and have their own problems, probably worse than your's - so give them a break.

Take the goals you set for yourself and put them in perspective and start working on them.

We will be here to help you go through the phases with the combined experience on this site, but what you do with it is your choice.

Good luck dear, and I hope that your healing process does not take too long. Vent here any time.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)No blame, no excuses, only acceptance will help you on your way now - you too will survive this, I promise.

I agree that's what I should do, but you know why is it that your 'illogical side' kicks in after you convince yourself to stop doing it.
The only thing in life you can control is YOU. If you learn nothing else from this experience, at least learn that, how to cope with your feelings and accept them, and deal with them in a positive manner.

That's what separates the men from the boys, how you cope with what life throws at you.