Hi,
I'm going arnd with a boy frm last 3 months, I'm a very emotional and sensitive kinds girl,
And very much dependent on this guy,emotionally, but I'm nt able to understand hw to carry on this relationship problem free, I can’t tolerate any kind of rude behaviour, so my BF always try to be soft with me,he nvr gets angry on me and if he is in anger somehow, then he goes away for some time , and comes back when he is fine,so that he don't says any thing which could hurt me, I really love him like anything, but I face lot of problems, he have a female friend, that girl loves him like anything and both of them are good friends also, but I can’t tolerate when they are together whether in grp or alone , although they are rarely alone together except in college , bt this situation is rare, bt then also , wenever I come to know that he had a contact with her , I feel very different and uneasy, he knows this he himself does’nt contact her bt at the same time , does’nt stop her contacting him, and I can’t tell him to stop all contacts with her , bcoz she was with her prior to me and it would unfair frm my side if I ask him to forget her , this would be really harsh for him,secondly I always feel like he should spend time with me, whole day in college we are busy with our classes , at the end of the day when we are free I hope that we should spend sometime together , but he says I will be leaving after sometime , u go with your friend, I find this very bad, whole day we away and now when we hve some time to be spent together, you are saying I should go, why , don't he also feels the same that we should be together for some time, but at the same I can never deny that he loves me, he really do loves me and he is also attached to me , he can do anything for me, I'm a diabetic patient and he really cares a lot for me, but am I at mistake expecting him to be with me, what to do? I really want him to tell me all his problems and listen to mine and then rell me the solutions , for the whole day we are together just for 20-25 minutes in lunch time, I want to be with him every time, I know obviously this is never possible , bt at least we could spend time together when it is possible, I know he also hve to look after all his friends , I don't I think I'm in a mess , I don't understand what to do, I have minimized all contacts , earlier I used to be online for almost 20 hrs a day and had arnd 85 contacts , nw I have minimized or I can say I never chat these days, I hve minimized all the contacts with boys , so that he might not think that I'm playing arnd with him, I never want to lose him at any cost, I hve just my BF with me , to share all my feelings , I'm not able to get a way, please help me, how should I approach to my problem…………….when he says that you go home , I think he needs to spend time with his friends and I'm posing a hurdle there , bt he says there is nothing like that………

You did not say what your age was??

And also, I am normally the last one to complain, but you need to use full words and sentences. I don't know if I could even fully understand all you were writing.

But he does not appear to be wanting or ready for a deep serious relationship, he wants to be friends and date I will assume.
You can not live your life for and how someone else wants you to be.
If you are an adult I would say you need to get some professional counseling to learn to deal with your own feelings and emotions.

HI,
Your question needs to be broken up with sentences. It's very hard reading this!
Also, what is your age?
Thank you.

You say you don't want to lose him at any cost. But look at what it has cost you already, emotionally and socially. You have given up a lot for him, and he does not see it as a sacrifice from you, but expects it.

You on the other hand, 'would like' things to be different and 'hope' that he would change his ways. FORGET IT - you cannot change another person's natural way of looking at life and how he/she treats people. You can only change yourself.

In my opinion, you need to rekindle your social contacts and start weening yourself away from him or he'll cost you a lot more.


Take a good look at the future - do you see him change, just for you - I doubt it. Do you think he'd be a good father for your future children, if you are not careful enough? He has taken everything from you - willingly or not - you put yourself into a very vulnerable place just for him - and will not get rewarded. You will in the end wind up paying more and more until he's drained you of every fiber of your being. He's a user and you are a giver. But you are giving to the wrong person - believe me - he's not worth it.


As said before, you are still young and should be striving toward a better and more independent future for yourself. Once you've achieved your goals, and know what you want in life, you will be able to share your life with someone more worth your respect and compassion.

This is not the right life for you. Please talk to a counselor or other professional - even some friends you gave up - they will tell you the same.

Again, concentrate on your development and let him fend for himself.
No man is worth changing your whole 'self' for - Life is a two-way street - and he's also leaving you in doubt - so see how far you can run, not walk to get the help you need to become a more independent and stable person. You deserve this, so do it.


Good luck, and please keep us posted.

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Thanks for your reply cherry, but he is not at all playing around with me, I can say this, we both love each other , but yes I he is bit rigid kind, I mean whatever he said is to be done, should I always need to agree?If I feel jealous with that female friend of his am I at fault??

Thnx for your reply cherry, but he is not at all playing around with me, I can say this, we both love each other , but yes I he is bit rigid kind, i mean whatever he said is to be done, should I always need to agree?If I feel jealous with that female friend of his am I at fault???

Dear, you still have your doubts, no matter how much you love him, they will always crop up. And in a close relationship, you should never be afraid to hold back your thought - you need to be able to trust and communicate, not cower backwards.

Think of what you would suggest to someone wearing your shoes and asking you for a pliable alternative and/or suggestion. You see the whole picture - we don't, so what would you do?

The choice is for you to make, and I wish you a lot of luck.

Again, please keep us posted.


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Hi,
Since you added your last comment, about "whatever he said needs to be done", and that he is a bit "rigid", you are truly up against a constant battle!
I am 64 yrs old, been married (2nd time) now for 29 years.
The MOST important thing I have learned about marriage, and relationships, is COMPROMISE.
Unless your relationship has compromise, it will be one struggle after another, over and over and over.
No, you can't always agree, every time, with anyone. But, when that develops in constant arguments, the relationship will be in trouble, as it is now. The more you disagree with him, the worse it will get. The more you say nothing, the worse it will get also, because you will become very mentally sick with not saying what you want to say.
Being in love doesn't mean you have to say nothing. Being in love should mean you both talk about it, make decisions together.
It's up to you to decide whether he will let you do that.

I think it is a big mistake to wrap so much of your life and self-esteem into another human being . Everyone wants to be loved but not at the expense of our self-worth hopes and dreams.What I could understand from your post is that you are willing to do anything your b/f says just to keep him in your life.Wrong idea !He should be part of your life not your whole life. Until you can get a handle on your own feelings and can see a future for yourself and a plan to get there I don't think a relationship is the thing for you at this time and you'd be better served by taking the time to find out who you are and what it really is you want from life.Only then can you make good decisions about how your relationships should go.Right now you are to needy and dependent on your b/f to validate yourself.In the long run this will not serve you at all.:cool:

Hi everybody, thanks a lot for your suggestions,you know what people all around the world have different perspectives for every virtue of life,I M A GIRL WITH LOT OF FAITH in God and I must tell u , that if we don't have faith in any relationship , relationship cannot flourish at all,In the last few days what I have noticed is that my judgement about people is never wrong, and I guess,hope and pray that my BF also sets well on my judgement, I very well know my goals , I'm doing engineering right now and he too is doing the same and we both know very well , that we have to have a very well defined and well planned future, and we are working for it seriously, I agree to all your suggestions and I just want you people to please pray for me and my BF , I just want that we both should be together for the whole life , nothing more... thanks a lot all dear friends