Hello everyone. My friend has a problem and I can't think of anything to tell her to do. The problem is she met a guy on the internet two years ago and really hurt her emotionally BAD! And she met him in person a couple of times and she said he acted less interested in person than on the phone. And some time later he started to act like a jerk and I told him off. It probably doesint make sense but now she is just obsessing and she really wants to call him and I don't know what to tell her. If this makes sense to anybody could you please tell me what to tell her.:confused: Thank you in advance. :o

Tell her to buy a helmet if she wants to run into a brick wall, head first. As a friend you can only be there after, she learns for herself.

Not very nice. I meant a way to protect her from that not to be there when she gets hurt.

talaniman, think of an answer that will relieve my stress not add more on.

What tal is saying there is nothing you can do about it. Your friend has to figure this one out on her own, the school of hard knocks is a fast teacher. Lets just say this if you give her advice and it ends up hurting her what will happen to your friendship? Do you want to have that happen or just let nature take its course and be there for your friend to help her pick up the pieces. I would say the later as not only can she learn from her mistakes, which is what life is based around, she will see that your there for her through the good times and the bad.

What Tal is saying, is that your friend needs to learn for herself. You shouldn't be the one telling this guy off. It should be her. As much as you care for your best friend, you are not her so therefore you can't control what she does.

Let her obsess and then find out for herself that he is a jerk.

Hi my friend was like that too, try and take her mind off him go with friends watch movies etc... if that doesn't help then just be there if things don't work out and still be there if they do. My friend is now going out with someone else she is happier now than ever before.

I'm sorry the truth is a harsh taskmaster. If you get HER here onto the forum, we can talk to HER.

Right now, we're talking to you, and no, there's nothing you can do to make someone else "get" anything.

Laurence J. Peter once said, "A man convinced against his will is not convinced."... meaning unless someone ASKS you for your help, your input/ideas/efforts will be wasted.

talaniman, think of an answer that will releive my stress not add more on.
Sorry, I don't have a magic wand to wave, but the truth is as others have said is, you have no control over her actions, or feelings, and a good friend keeps a band aid, or a crying towel handy, when there friend has to learn the hard way.

But she wants an answer and if I let her fall, what will THAT do to our friendship?

HOW EVIL! LET HER JUST OBSESS? This is my friend and in my opinion that bis something to protect her from!

It might be *evil* to you but that is the only way she will learn my dear.

Cool, I will try that. Thank You

Offended?

I feel very much offended with your attitude and the way you have been rating people. Most of these members here at AMHD have way more experience then you (I'm assuming you're quit young).

You asked for ADVICE and with ADVICE comes many different opinions whether you like it or not. You can either take it or ignore it. Most opinions come from personal experience so who are YOU to rate their answer as *bad* when they only want to share what they know.

If you don't agree, disagree nicely. For ex: 'I understand where you are coming from but I can't relate your opinion to my beliefs, so here is what I believe... ' Catch what I'm saying?

Now back to your best friend issue. Some people have to learn the harsh way in order to realize later on that they made a mistake. So I didn't mean she should obsess in a bad way, only in a way that will make her learn in the long run. I know this from personal experience. Unfortunately for my friend, it hasn't hit her yet and I'm not going to control what she does. She will never learn that way.

I am sorry to the people that I rated their answer but I feel totally offended by your answers. You can run me by a Beotch if you want. :(
Your comments are rude, and your rating mean nothing, as you have to many reddies to count in reputation rating.
We all have friends who do things we don't agree with, and if she won't listen, then nothing you can do to change her actions. Bring her here and I will tell that to her. In the meantime grow up, and stop this immature posting. It helps nothing, does it.:mad:

You seem to want us to help you force your "advice" onto another person. The calm answer is that even with all the 100s of years of experience represented here on the forum, we don't know how to get you what you want done.

We can talk to HER though, if she ever comes here on her own and asks for help herself.

Meanwhile, you CAN still be there at her side, letting her know you are there to help in any way you can, and when the world starts to fall in on her like you fear it will, you'll already be there to help.

That you CAN do. (Let me guess... this doesn't make sense either?)

You may feel offended by our answers but trust me when I say this we have all had friends that had this happen them. Some of us have even lost friends cause we butted in, we are only trying to help you from OUR past experiences and if you think that's offensive then you probably won't find your answer here.

Friends aren't life coaches they give you a perspective on what's going on and help you get through it. If she asks for your opinion that's different tell it to her straight as only a friend could but other than that sit back and keep your mouth shut as it will only drive a rift between you two.

That doesint make any sense

Hi Turtlegirl,

You really may want to suggest to your friend that she signs up and posts her situation. I know in addition to having you as a great friend, she will also benefit from our support as well. It will also give her a chance to 'vent' and look at several different posts by others who are going through similar situations as she is.

We are all here, and we all support each other, none of us are strangers to feeling the hurt that relationships can sometimes cause...

Offended?

I feel very much offended with your attitude and the way you have been rating people. Most of these members here at AMHD have way more experience then you (I'm assuming you're quit young).

You asked for ADVICE and with ADVICE comes many different opinions whether you like it or not. You can either take it or ignore it. Most opinions come from personal experience so who are YOU to rate their answer as *bad* when they only want to share what they know.

If you don't agree, disagree nicely. For ex: 'I understand where you are coming from but I can't relate your opinion to my beliefs, so here is what I believe...' Catch what I'm saying?

Now back to your best friend issue. Some people have to learn the harsh way in order to realize later on that they made a mistake. So I didn't mean she should obsess in a bad way, only in a way that will make her learn in the long run. I know this from personal expierence. Unfortunately for my friend, it hasn't hit her yet and I'm not going to control what she does. She will never learn that way.
I need someone to tell me what to tell her please I know I have been a total but I really need help with this.

Hi Turtlegirl,

Perhaps you can tell her that of course you are there for her, and suggest this site to her again, and when you do say something like "because I am your friend, and I care about you, i may not have all the answers you are looking for, but perhaps this site can help"?

By posing it this way to her, you are showing her how much of a great friend you are (which of course she knows), and you researched and found an area for her were people are going through very similar situations, and we can all try and help.

What do you think?

I need someone to tell me what to tell her please I know i have been a total but I really need help with this.
Tell her you will be there at her side, there to help in any way you can. Ask her if there's anything you can offer in her dealings with these boys/people. Be there to help.

Let her open the door to you so she will listen when you talk.

Thank you starlite.

You are welcome, Turtle. Let us know how she does, okay?

Well... now her mom won't let her date the guy she is with (older guy- She is almost a Sophomore and he just graduated) so now she is going to be talking about him more and more. I will try to get her on this website but I don't think it will be very easy.

Sounds like she lacks maturity and common sense, and sadly that isn't something that you can talk her in to having.

Like the others have said, there's nothing that you can say that will make her do anything differently, this decision, this behavior has to stop with her, not you. I wish that we all had the power to prevent our loved ones from making stupid mistakes, if only we did... but alas we do not.

All you can do is be there for her, certainly tell her your opinion, but don't force it on her, otherwise you will be minus a friend. When the fit hits the shan (which it will do eventually) that you can be there for her, but that's all.

Good luck.

Give her the web address to this site, we will help her through this difficult time.

Thank you.. very nice