My ex and I have been together for about 8 months. Approximately, by the 2nd month, I started to stay at her place most all the time: just living with her. We have a big age difference: me being 23, and she being 39. The most important thing in mind was what our hearts felt like. We loved each other. I didn't look forward to spending the rest of my life with her, but she started to feel that way as the relationship progressed. One day she suggested, and I agreed, that I move out so that we won't sleep together, since we were'nt married. Around the time she was thinking that, I started having these feelings that I didn't want to be there, or with her anymore. I didn't feel like I had much space for myself, and started feeling like I need to be freed, or like my life needs to head a different direction. The thing is, my ex wanted me to kind of settle down with her: like being there all the time when she needed me... or to just be there. I didn't seem to have time to myself to do other things: like I was in a prison. Maybe not really a prison, but like as if we were married. I wasn't ready for that and was ready to move on in life. Of course she didn't want that. I eventually moved out and broke up with her, and it was hard. For the whole week after, my ex started to call me and try to contact me, and if I didn't respond back to her the way she wanted me to, she would drive to my place and try to get me to come outside to talk with her. Most of those times, I did not want her out there, and she even made a couple of threats. After about a week of nonsense she finally called down, but still tried to see me and talk to me, even coming to my job just to try to meet. She didn't give me any space, even to think things through. She let me know why she was so upset: the fact that I up and left without really explaining things out to her: I mean I did, but she needed to really make sure my reason was true. Whether it was a mistake or not, I apoligized and talked with her giving me her reasons, and we kind of made up for a bit. So I would see her when we had time to see each other for awhile. And the thing is, she seemed to always be upset about something, or if something didn't go her way, she would kind of lose it. She got mad because I had some things come up where I wasn't able to see her. I was really busy the past few days, but she told me if I called her more, she would be more satisfied. This question is about over, just give me a few more seconds... Last night, I was able to see her and we watched a movie. Then we watched some TV until she fell asleep cause it was late in the night. I decided to leave and let her get some rest before she worked in the morning. I was about 5 minutes away from my apartment, and she calls me asking, did I have to leave for a reason. And I told her that I was letting her get some rest, because I would have had to leave earlier that morning back to my place, so I left. Then she calls me later while I am at my apartment saying she couldn't sleep. Then she asked me why I left, again. And then she started going on with our relationship, and it always ended up with her being mad because she didn't get what she wanted. She eventually let me know that she wanted me to move back in, like before, cause she feels more safe with me there; that's if her son is not there. But here is the catch, she wants me to stay there until she is ready to move to another close city, and then she said after that, I can do whatever I want. I don't want to stay with her, just until she moves away and not see me anymore. It doesn't really improve this situation does it? Should I have just left her alone from the start? Our relationship is hanging on a string, and I feel if she doesn't get what she wants, she will try her complaining again, or maybe not. I really want to just let her know that I am not interested in that, and that I feel that we shouldn't be together because I am not truelly happy with all this. I'm sorry this question was long, but I would appreciate as much help with anyone as I can about my situation. Thanks in advance...
Juan

Man up, and stand up for yourself and tell her the truth, you aren't interested ,and stop seeing her. Let her do whatever. You're the one letting her treat you like a possession. Say No, what kind of man are you to let her control you like this? Your fault not hers.

Is she having finanical problems because that might be why she wants you there but don't. You suppose to leave where your living in with to convient her, then when she moves then what. She sounds like she has issues and is trying to control you and you don't her in your life so move on and leave the past in the past.

I would definitely not move back in with her. She might need you there for financial reasons... but she is an adult and should take care of herself. She very well could be saying ANYTHING just to get you to move back in with her. It could be a trap.

You need to understand the nature of how she is. She actually is controlling and manipulating you with her "why" questions. She keeps you constantly defending yourself and feeling like you've done something wrong ALL the time.

Frustrating, isn't it?

You need to see this for what it is. Her words mean nothing, she just wants you defending yourself because that means you're INTO the moment with her and she's in charge.

It's a pretty awful way to live, but I doubt she has any other skills to bring to the table.

Now that you see clearly WHAT is going on, you need to call a spade a spade. She's controlling, needy, pushy, manipulative, unhealthy... and she loves you. Not a good situation for you at all.

The only way to survive this is to NOT be with her.

1) Total NO CONTACT might work, but only if she's not a total whack job. Sounds like she may just stalk you relentlessly. This may not work.

2) Stay in contact, but be a horrible person. Say things to hurt her feelings and don't apologize. I now this is awful, but it may be the only way to get her to leave you alone if NC won't work.

Try the NC thing, if she won't go away, try the rude thing.

"OK, I guess I could come over, but can you clean the place up, it stinks in your house."
"Why are you wearing that, you know it makes you look silly?"
"Let's go out, but you'll have to pay, I'm saving up for a Nintendo." (if she agrees, order expensive food and don't eat it)
"Why am I leaving now? I'm bored being around you right now, I'm going to find something more interesting to do."

Some people just don't get it and this is the only way to get yourself away.