Hello just writing to receive opinions on a situation. I have three children in which I try my best to take to church so they can learn about things I was never really taught. Don't know if it will help but I like the way I feel when I go and also take them. My ex-husband father of my only son is in to santeria/palero which is a religion in which deals with the dead and also with animal sacrifices, its something in which Im really not in agreement with at ALL. But my son has to go and see his father and spend one week a month at his home which may I add has a temple full of pots and nasty things full of blood. My three year old tells me the monsters are his daddys friends. I really don't want him around that but don't know what to do. I moved 4 hours away and that didn't help any because I have to send him anyway. I really want my son to grow up believing that that isn't the right way. Please help.

Dear chela717

I'm a Secular Humanist married to a Roman Catholic, who educated his three children by visiting with them all sorts of churches, temples, mosques, etc. to show them the entire spectrum of religious and non-religious views.

Personally I have never encountered "santeria/palero", so I can't react on that.

Two partners with different religions and/or worldviews. It should never be a problem. Whether the partners are together, or have split up. When your son is with you, you decide about his education, including religious views.
But as your (ex)partner has visiting rights, he has also the right to educate his son just as well accordingly to his views.
It is irrelevant if you like that or not. The only exception would be if that causes strong psychological distress in your son.

Multiple (opposing) religious views is the price to may have to pay if you mary a partner outside your own religion group. If the problem is more one of serious distress, just discuss it on that specific basis with your ex.
When that does not solve the problem, collect evidence for that distress, and discuss the problem with your lawyer and - if needed - go to court to change the visiting conditions.

Unless there is real serious distress, the best however is tolerance, tolerance, and more tolerance.

Ciao !

I will ask , was this his religion when you meet him and was with him and had a child with him. Why when it was OK to be with him then, is it wrong now.

Now with that said, there is another issue, in that what damage this may or may not be doing, since a religion that does this is not a fully accept practice within most society. Now this is not in the legal section but religion, so I can tell you what I would do, I would merely refuse to allow the child to go, if it was my child and I hold the beleifs I hold.
The father can in court of course file against me to try and force this, but then a person can move and be hard to find also. Happens every day when mothers are hiding their children from abusive and other types of fathers.
Is this legal, no, is it common of course, Now if you ask this in the legal section, the answer there would be different, such as filing to take away these vistis on grounds they are distrubing to the child and more

I think that exposing a child to Santaria is child abuse.

HOWEVER, that form of religion has been afforded protection by Supreme Court ruling, if I'm not mistaken, at least some court ruling.

This situation could be a huge court case...

I will ask , was this his religion when you meet him and was with him and had a child with him. Why when it was ok to be with him then, is it wrong now.

Now with that said, there is another issue, in that what damage this may or may not be doing, since a religion that does this is not a fully accept practice within most society. Now this is not in the legal section but religion, so I can tell you what I would do, I would merley refuse to allow the child to go, if it was my child and I hold the beleifs I hold.
The father can in court of course file against me to try and force this, but then a person can move and be hard to find also. Happens every day when mothers are hiding thier children from abusive and other types of fathers.
Is this legal, no, is it commom of course, Now if you ask this in the legal section, the answer there would be different, such as filing to take away these vistis on grounds they are distrubing to the child and more

Well when I first met him it was a religion in which his family practiced I didn't know anything really about it until I met him. I was with him for four years and towards the end of our relationship he met someone in which became his "godfather" of the religion whom was really into it and has taught him way more about the religion than he knew, this is actually why I left because it was too hard for me to handle and kind of creepy for me and my children especially with a newborn child.

I think that exposing a child to Santaria is child abuse.

HOWEVER, that form of religion has been afforded protection by Supreme Court ruling, if I'm not mistaken, at least some court ruling.

This situation could be a huge court case......


Yeah I think so too and I don't know what to do now. Thanks.

Dear chela717



I'm a Secular Humanist married to a Roman Catholic, who educated his three children by visiting with them all sorts of churches, temples, mosques, etc. to show them the entire spectrum of religious and non-religious views.

Personally I have never encountered "santeria/palero", so I can't react on that.

Two partners with different religions and/or worldviews. It should never be a problem. Whether the partners are together, or have split up. When your son is with you, you decide about his education, including religious views.
But as your (ex)partner has visiting rights, he has also the right to educate his son just as well accordingly to his views.
It is irrelevent if you like that or not. The only exception would be if that causes strong psychological distress in your son.

Multiple (opposing) religious views is the price to may have to pay if you mary a partner outside your own religion group. If the problem is more one of serious distress, just discuss it on that specific basis with your ex.
When that does not solve the problem, collect evidence for that distress, and discuss the problem with your lawyer and - if needed - go to court to change the visiting conditions.

Unless there is real serious distress, the best however is tolerance, tolerance, and more tolerance.

Ciao !



My son has said to me and he is three "mommy I dont like monsters but my daddy says they are his friends, They have too much blood." I think that's pretty serious distress no?

My suggestion was your situation could be a precedent setting court case.

My suggestion was your situation could be a precedent setting court case.


Sorry if this is a stupid question but what is a precedent setting court case? (LOL) Actually I think his "santeria" is considered a religion so I don't think they can or will do anything.