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Ive been seeing this girl for 3yrs. Always been there for her, do everything 2 make her happy and comfortable (she's a student and I'm a worker) and one day she told me the parents are against the relationship so we should stop seeing each other. I tried convincing her but she wouldn't listen not knowing she's found a new man. She told me I can't force her to marry me and all those stuff. In fact I was shartered and couldn't think straight. I acted like a typical wussbag, begging her to come back, telling how hurt I'm how much I love her, how life will not be the same without her.

I really love and care deeply for her, then I decided to let her go no matter how painful. A few days later she called me and said she missed me and always thinking about me and that she doesn't love the other guy and wants 2 come back. I said OK then she called again and said she can't forget about me but can't leave the other guy also (I think she's confused herself about who to choose). Now I've found someone in her school who I think I really like and wanted to start seeing. They're at the same dorm and same class. Do you guys think it's advisable to start seeing the new girl? If my ex comes back I'll not be able to turn my back to her. Please advise. Thanks

Start anew. Best medicine. Ever.

Hi,
Sometimes, it's easier to make up an "excuse" to have some space from a relationship, than just to say it. Your old girlfriend of 3 years, needed some space for awhile. Relationships change, find new ones, and one sometimes never knows what's happening!
Since you have found a new girl you like, stay with her. Find out if you might have a good relationship with her. Eventually, your old girlfriend will let you know how she really feels.
I wouldn't try to start up a "friend" relationship with her. It's going to be hard getting over her, and talking with new girls will help. I suggest keeping on with this new girl, and see what happens.
I do wish you the best of luck.

I would be interested in knowing the ages of the people here, what level in school and the such. But in general you can not make anyone love you and often while it is hard, you must move on with your life.

Start dating this new girl, move on... your ex has.

Fr. Church,
I'm 31 and she's 20 and a college girl. She told me age is no prob because the new man is around my age and even a year or two older. Thanks for your wonderful advice. It has really helped me to forget about her temporary. She even called me last night but I didn't pick it. Before your advice, I'd have immediately picked her call or call her back.

Congratz bud. It is hard, I know. I was with my ex for 5 years, 2 months after we split BAM engaged!! It gets better, trust me. That was about 5 months ago, and its been nothing but smooth sailing. Just keep your head up and don't do anything foolish like jump into another relationship as well. Take some time for you, and HAVE SOME FUN! Don't talk to her for at least a month. Good luck on "the process". If I made it, so can you.

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Ive been seeing this girl for 3yrs. Always been there 4 her, do everything 2 make her happy and comfortable (she's a student and I'm a worker) and one day she told me the parents are against the relationship so we should stop seeing each other. I tried convincing her but she wouldn't listen not knowing she's found a new man. She told me i can't force her to marry me and all those stuff. In fact I was shartered and couldn't think straight. I acted like a typical wussbag, begging her to come back, telling how hurt I'm how much i love her, how life will not be the same without her.

I really love and care deeply for her, then I decided to let her go no matter how painful. A few days later she called me and said she missed me and always thinking abt me and that she doesn't love the other guy and wants 2 come back. I said ok then she called again and said she can't forget abt me but can't leave the other guy also (I think she's confused herself abt who to choose). Now I've found someone in her school who I think I really like and wanted to start seeing. They're at the same dorm and same class. Do you guys think it's advisable to start seeing the new girl? If my ex comes back I'll not be able to turn my back to her. Please advise. Thanks
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Since you posted this in two different places, I intend on answering to this one.

Sorry about your dilema, but you belong to a club of millions, so you're not alone.

Life does not always show you it's best side in a relationship, but it helps you learn from it and gives you the opportunity to grow stronger. Take advantage of this by just putting it in your 'experience drawer' and go on with your life - stay away from her as she is not certain of what she wants either. You need and deserve someone who will grow with you and respect you for the person you are and one who will not play games.

Take a break, get to learn new people, and get over the pain of this loss. It might take a while, but believe me, it will pass and you will find the right person to share your future with and she's NOT it.

Good luck, and keep us posted.




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Life it too short to waste the energy to try and understand what is going on in her mind, and you need to collect yourself and start with someone new. All the best!

HI,
At 20 yrs old and a college girl, she probably doesn't know who or what she wants right now. Normally, it will be another 2 yrs before she graduates, and starts looking for a job.
Give her some time, and maybe it will work out later. Don't call her or communicate with her for a month or two, see what developes, if anything. I do wish you the best.

Welcome to the forum. Be aware that you are not the only one in the world going through this and it will most likely not be the first or last time. But, the good news is that nobody has every died of a broken heart in your age-group. It's just that making choices when not having had the chance to try new things, learn to know new people, and just plain planning what to do with your life is difficult for anyone, especially those of you who are still in school.

I am 55 now, have a daughter and going to have a grandchild soon, who will go through the same strifes in life as you are now, and honestly, I am already getting prepared to try and help that young thing get through life as best as it can.

If you feel you can't talk to your parents or grandparents about your issues or they are too busy to bother with you to give you advice, stay on with us and we will try and help you as much as we can. Remember, you are not alone. Your girlfriend is going through a difficult growing stage too and is probably just as mixed up as you are.

The nice thing about this also is that if you understand each other, and can grow up together, even if not dating anymore, you'll have a good friend and that counts for something too. Be courteous and caring towards each other and help each other out as much as possible and you'll do just fine.

Check the following sites that were suggested by a fellow forum member and see for yourselves that you are not alone and that you'll get help going through this part of your life.

Go to www.askmen.com (http://www.askmen.com) and read every dating article... every article - including Doc Love.
www.sosuave.com (http://www.sosuave.com) - read everything!!
www.lovetactics.com (http://www.lovetactics.com) - read all the free articles.
www.relationships.blog-city.com (http://www.relationships.blog-city.com) - read about how women really are.


Good luck, and keep us posted.

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Most people are under the impression that there is “only one soul mate” for them in this world. I think that is wrong. I think there are many soul mates for every person in this world, and it's much more a case of you choosing which one you want to spend your life with.

In this case - You are young. You have a future ahead of you. Your ex was great for three years. Now it's time to venture into the world and meet other people you can be close with and maybe even share your life with.

Perhaps you will cross paths with your ex in the future, and maybe at that time you can see what there is between you. For right now – the world is in front of you.

Listen to Chery...

That "I want you back call" was a TEST - you were a WUSS again... you should have said no. You really should have never picked up the call. I t was a test because ALL she wanted to do was see if she still had you for her OWN FREAKING EGO. She had no intentions of getting back together. She wanted to see if you were still a Wuss.

"Always been there 4 her, do everything 2 make her happy and comfortable" - there was your 100% problem. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh YUCK!!

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. It's been very helpful and I think I'm gradually getting over her (though not easy). I've stopped calling her for the past 1 week (not even flashing/buzzing her cell phone). For the past few days, she's been calling me like 5 time a day but I never answered her calls. 2 days ago, she sent a txt message asking if I have travelled and have forgotten about her. Again I didn't reply, she sent another one saying she'll be coming to work place later this week to see me. I want to take some days off so that she won't come and meet me in the office. Any more help from you good people?

Well I agree with the other posters here it is just a test. A lot of people like to do that for some reason. Maybe just to have you on the back burner in case the other guy doesn't work out so she won't have to be single if he turns out to be jerk. It is not because she loves you. If she loves you then she wouldn't have done this to you, she wouldn't have been seeing someone else. Would have never occurred to her to leave you.. after all you wouldn't have done that to her because you loved her.

I am sure she cares but it is not the love or respect you deserve. Good job on not answering the phone or text messages. If she stops by your work then I would tell her calm and as brief as possible that it is not cool to come by there. Something like " I don't want to hurt your feelings but this is my place of work so it is unprofessional of me to have personal visitors, I don't mean to be harsh but please leave"

Then the most important is WALK AWAY after that don't let her stand there and continue to charm you.

Best of luck to you I am sure you will make it through this and find someone who deserves the devotion you offer to a girl. Date around in the meantime and just enjoy getting to know new people.

Avaoid her for a long time. GOOD FOR YOU for not answering the phone. I know it's hard... but she doesn't deserve your presence after all this.

She is playing massive amounts of games.

Move on.

I dated a girl I was certain I'd marry for 6 years. 4 years in she did the same crap and then reversed. Was never the same after... we just wasted two more years figuring out that it was already over. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Her loss. Too bad. Walk away. Run.

My only issue is your saying if your ex comes back you cannot turn her away. Well then don't go dating this other girl cause all you are doing is using someone who's done nothing to hurt you or let her know up front it isn't a serious thing and you don't want to get attached right away. The fact they know each other is a constant reminder for your ex. She'll not make life easy for the new girl. If the new girl is cool with that, fine.

I'm not saying don't date the new girl. I'm saying don't screw with her head. You KNOW she's going to get noise from your ex. And if you don't have it in you to back her up, then leave her alone. You need to figure out how to turn your back on your ex.

Again, its not fun. But if its really over, bury it. You'll just waste time and energy for something that is gone.

move on.

i dated a girl i was certain i'd marry for 6 years. 4 years in she did the same crap and then reversed. was never the same after... we just wasted two more years figuring out that it was already over. stupid. stupid. stupid.

her loss. too bad. walk away. run.

my only issue is your saying if your ex comes back you cannot turn her away. well then don't go dating this other girl cause all you are doing is using someone who's done nothing to hurt you or let her know up front it isn't a serious thing and you don't want to get attached right away. the fact they know each other is a constant reminder for your ex. she'll not make life easy for the new girl. if the new girl is cool with that, fine.

i'm not saying dont date the new girl. i'm saying don't screw with her head. you KNOW she's going to get noise from your ex. and if you dont have it in you to back her up, then leave her alone. you need to figure out how to turn your back on your ex.

again, its not fun. but if its really over, bury it. you'll just waste time and energy for something that is gone.

EXCELLENT ADVICE AND INSIGHT! I wholeheartedly agree. Don't waste any more time and energy. Or, instead of taking a few days off from work, message and/or tell her point-blank that your workplace if off-base and that's that.


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:cool: You've done a brilliant job so far and you should tell her straight -up not to bother you at work,the only thing I can add is beware break-up relationships as they can lead to you hurting someone else's feeling and I don't think that would be right, so go slow but go.:)

She left you because she did not think she wanted you. So, now she is with another and thinks she likes you better. She did this once she will do again. Go out with whoever you want to. Its your life so go for it! I would not take her back once she went to another. Dating OK. But, she left you for another. Not good in my opinion... good luck... lmf

Hey guys
I've done something I think I shouldn't have done. As I told you earlier, I stopped calling/taking her calls for nearly 2 weeks, then on 5th March (my birthday) thus Sunday, she sent me a birthday message via SMS. I didn't reply then on Mondy her elder sister called me on phone and told me my ex has been seriously taking ill and has gone home from school. I called my ex on the phone and asked how she was faring. She said she was OK but accused me of abandoning her and stopped calling and that I'm wicked and hurting her. I couldn't stand those words so hung up on her. Since then I've not called her neither has she called me but I think I've done something terribly stupid by calling her in the first place.

With the new girl in her school, I've seen her on some few occasions and we talked on the phone most of the time but I've not taken a step further than being a friend to her for now. Your opinion is very much welcome and thanks.

HI,
I do agree with you that you made a mistake in calling your ex, even though she was sick. All that did was to re-start feelings, and stop you from moving on for the time being.
I think you will be much better off, not communicating with her at all, and move on with this new girl. You have to, somehow, start moving on.
Letting go of the past is the only way you are going to be "free".
It will take awhile, but you can do it. Best of luck, and hang in there.

Prosty,

First I feel for you, am going through the same thing right now. Literally been 2 weeks since my girlfriend moved out, tomorrow. My advice is to make yourself happy doing whatever that is. I would recommend just meeting as many people as possible, just play the field. Obviously your ex is confused, but if she says you abandoned her, ask her who left when you had begged her to stay. That is abandoned. Regardless of how much you love her you have to try to imagine how she feels and after 2 weeks the girl is confused. Her being with someone else is as much a rebound situation as the girl you are going to see.

The advice I am working on is that you 'were' in love with each other. Based on the amount of effort she has put into leaving you, obviously you meant something to her. Remember that you do mean something to her and that if you give her time she may miss you if you have no contact. And hopefully when you two do see each other you may get those butterflies like when you first meet someone.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL! That is what you have to work towards. She took that away when she left, but you have it back now that she is getting confused.

You have to rely on your confidence to get you ahead. Personally I can't stand not talking to my girl, but I feel it is the best for me. I may go try to have a cup of coffee with my girl next week, but I am definitely still looking for another girl. Just assume she is gone forever, and it will make it better no matter how it ends.

If she comes back and things go well, awesome. If she doesn't you aren't disappointed. Personally I am still working on that mind state.

Good Luck, I know how nice it is to read ANY advice at these times.

Yes - she abandoned you - you did the right thing hanging up.

Maybe now you can see what type of person she is - she is trying to make you feel guilty FOR HER ACTIONS!!

What does she want you to be?? A sick love puppy?? Always there for her?? While she sees other people??

Please rate my responses.

I am personally just as confused as the next poor sap, but I feel more clarity when I am talking about someone else's issues.

Oh yeah Prosty... Stop listening to sad alternative rock, that crap will make you want to kill yourself cause all they do is ***** about girls. Rap is probably the least painful to listen to. I mean good rap, you know power rap.

Trust me, my bad times go away when I listen to it.

Don't get me wrong though I love rock and the powerman 5000 show I saw right after my girl left was probably the most fun I have ever had at a concert.

Rock on - B****es ain't nothing but hoes and tricks. They need to shut they mouth and...

Uhhhh WHAT!. OKAY!

Lol

JC

Try to take some time for yourself there is no need to rush into another relationship. If you do take it very slow so no one gets hurt. I would let your heart completely heal before letting another woment into it.

I know it is not easy but you have to stop acting like her little dummy I mean she has you and she knows she does so take a few days off work so that you can not see her because if you see her then you will want her back even more

I'd definitely start seeing this other girl. And no running right back to your ex, regardless of how often she calls or begs. Make her miss you and make her want you. Remember, she ended it for another guy and evidently hasn't even given up on this other guy. Do you really want to have to share her with someone else? Act totally aloof as though you couldn't care less about this ex and what she's doing. You're fine without her and don't need her and it's important for her to realize that. Don't flaunt it, just let it show for itself.

Well, good people I appreciate your advice immensely. Now what happened after 2 months of not contacting her because its so difficult trying not call someone you've been speaking with like 2times a day on phone for three years and all of a sudden you've to stop calling/answering her calls. I sometime picked the phone, dialed her number and cut the call. For about a week and a half now she didn't call but yesterday she called but I still didn't pick it.

And one thing, I've been seeing her new b/f with another gal in his car at odd hours around my area for sometime now. He doesn't know where I live and he doesn't live anywhere near my area. I found out about the b/f, the car he uses, where he works and all that. I know the relationship is not going to work for them but I told myself I couldn't care less. It's their lives and not mine.

Well, that's the pitfalls of dating... there usually ARE other men/women. Most women don't realize that the super nice 'hunk' she feels all this new attraction for most likely has 2 or 3 other gals on string. They are called players and are great at keeping gals on a string. Sounds like your ex is with a player. They act all sweet for as long as they can - then the gal figures out he has 1 or 2 other gals - the player then moves on to another un-suspecting gal.

Now how does she look to you?

BTW- this how women become really hurt... and turn into players themselves.

Women have no respect for nice guys until they get screwed, and I mean figuratively.

A nice guy only seems easy and desperate. All I can say is to not pretend to be confident, be confident. At a young age you were able to keep a girl around for years. That means you have something that girls want, but you may not be able to sustain that at a young age.

Look for a new relationship with different feelings, because if there is one thing I have learned from these forums is that you won't find a person that makes you feel the same connection as you used to have. They will all be a little different, but better and worse at the same time.

"Women have no respect for nice guys until they get screwed" - yes, absolutely. Especially girls 25 and younger... those are the bad girl stages.

But, it's really a not 'nice guy' - it's a good guy, confident guy, independent guy, busy guy, hard working guy, guy who takes care of himself guy, guy who will be romantic on occasion guy, guy who will NEVER put up with her sh-- AND put her in her place when necessary.

I was seeing this girl for three years when she broke up the r/ship. We've not seen each other or spoken for about five months now. I don't even know whether we're still friends. Her birthday is a few days away and I'm comtemplating sending her a birthday message on her phone (no cards, presents and phone call) just SMS. Do you agree I should send her an SMS?

I don't think it is wise. For starters, at least do it in person or on the phone so you can gauge the effect. If I were her, the birthday message would hit me as out of the blue, a possible invitiation to start something up and I wouldn't appreciate it being a hit and run that I must be politely receptive to whether I like it or not because gee, who doesn't like being wished happy birthday? Some ex's don't turn into friends. With five months of no contact, if you insist on contacting her, it needs to be far more casual than that so you can make a graceful exit, just in case the reception is bad. Don't risk pressuring her on her birthday.

Yeah - give her a call. KEEP IT SHORT.

Do what you want. Expect nothing in return. It might work out that there is a friendship somewhere down the line. I don't know about what caused the breakup... maybe, maybe not.

My daughter (20) broke up with a great guy to date a complete jerk. She later did something like you're thinking... just wished a happy birthday, text or something like that. They later started talking again and are now friends.

But it completely depends on the situation. If she laid it out that she never wanted to hear from you, repect that. If it was just more things didn't work out, but she wasn't mean about it, AND you expect nothing in return, sure... the courtesy of a message might bridge a gap.

Don't call just SMS. If she writes back something more than a 'thank you'.. then u'll know what to do :-)

Perhaps a SMS can be a little less intrusive than a call but I think if you really feel the need just a quick call.. After all tyou were with her 3 years. Being able to talk to her should not be an issue. I mean as far as you know how to talk to her. She isn't a completely new person. Show you're a man and call. You don't hold a grudge and are willing to be amicable now things have settled down.

If she doesn't answer then leave it at that. Don't keep calling. That's it. You tried and no response.

I have to question your motive here's though. Are you just trying to be nice or do you want her back?

If you want her back then be aware that you may not get the answers you are looking for!

What is being a man? I'm a woman and in that case I wouldn't want an ex calling me months later wishing me a happy birthday if it wasn't for differ reason than just to saying 'happy birthday'.

If there are feelings still there, then you need to let her know whether she wants to hear it or not. What's the worse that can happen.

I believe in friendship. But if the relationship ended in somewhat unnatural way which both of you know that you and her will never meet again. PERIOD that is your answer. If you still hanging on to her all this time then you might have a problem. I'm sure she's ready to dial 911 next time you come up to her. I'm just kidding. Honestly it's not good from a woman's perspective. Whatever happens on the last day I'm sure you would have figured that out by now.

I wouldn't. You haven't seen or spoken to each other for 5 months and, by your own admission, you "don't even know whether you're still friends." I'd just let it slide. You need to be moving on with your life. It sounds like you are so there's not point in setting yourself back by contacting her after all this time.

Perhaps that's the problem with relationships these days september06. People rely too much on SMS and Email and not on talking... Just an observation from reading people posts here.

Trouble starts in emails and texts a lot.

I don't really even think he should contact her. But if he must than I think he should call. Just my opinion.

And what I meant by being a man is not hiding behind some SMS, showing a spine and if he feels he must contact her then do it the way people should have contact with each other. Talking! And not some text message conversation.
I bet some young people don't even know that's what mobile phone were initially used for. Just like a normal phone!


That is what I meant!

I was seeing this girl for three years when she broke up the r/ship. We've not seen each other or spoken for abt five months now. I don't even know whether we're still friends. Her birthday is a few days away and I'm comtemplating sending her a birthday message on her phone (no cards, presents and phone call) just SMS. Do you agree I should send her an SMS?

If you know you can handle it, then why not!
Make it short and brief and If she replies with a thank you.. just leave it at that.

Don't call or even wonder about it. Leave it be. After 5 months why go back even as friends? Get on with your life. Just my opinion.

Not

Heck yeah and if you're lucky enough you might get to do it with her again!

Nobody can make your decisions; the balls in your court.

Sure, we can say go ahead and send a text or call her... but it's your choice.

Personally, I'd just call up and chat a bit.