All right, so about almost 2 months ago my exgirlfriend and I had broken up. We had been off and on (mostly on) for about a year and half. I had to leave for college, but she still had to stay back in our home town. We had done this the past school year with me leaving, and even though it was hard we stuck it out. We were pretty close we spent all of our time together.. (which I actually didn't like at all). When I left I rememeber her telling me "i will always love you." But to know that the next day after I left she claimed she didn't have enough time for me in her life, and for a guy in general. I had been through a break up with her like this before, it usually would last a week and we would get back together. This time 2 weeks went by, she had told me she didn't like anyone else and still missed me.
I had found out after 2 weeks of us being apart she not only slept with another guy, she has a boyfriend (2 different guys). This killed me. We were each others first, and she always said we did it out of love. I believed her. I don't know why it kills me so much to see her with someone else. It blows my mind how fast she is able to move on and I haven't been. Weh we would text each other she would tell me how much she still loves me. But she has all these guys she talks to and likes. Probably overall since we broke up 2 months ago she has slept with about 2-3 guys, and hooked up with at least 5. I don't get it when we were together she was so loyal to me. (as far as I know). She would go out of her way to do things for me, and I would too. I never saw her as a person that would change into what she is now.
When we first started dating she had issues with settling down with one guy, but we had a real connection. She now tells anyone she is with for less then a week she loves them. What was I to her then? I can't move on that fast. Yea I am doing a lot better then I was the first month all of this had happened. But even now I am scared about going to my hometown and possibly seeing her.
Everyone would say "wow she is so much happier now." Even one of my close friends decided he liked her a lot more, and wanted to be her friend over mine. One of my other friends said he is cool with her and would hang out with her. I don't want them hooking up. They are my friends, and when we were together, they hated her! Now they are all chill with her. I feel like she took everything I had in that town away from me.
I want to move on and find someone who will treat me better then she did, but I had fallen in love with her family. She doesn't have any friends to get close to, she just wants to get clsoe to any guy that is remotely interested in her, (which doesn't take much cause she has a lot guys look for). I just think its messed up how this is effects me. I want to feel better. I really do Some days ill feel great. I just need help. Advice on how I should see all of this. Thank you.

She sounds very needy, the fact she 'needs' to have someone in her life says it all really. Very sad :(

Leave her in the past and don't bother with contacting her as it will serve to further confuse you. NC is the best tool for healing, that is no contact. Delete her numbers, emails, Facebook, myspace, msn.

Sometimes we never get our 'closure' and the only way to move forward is concentrating on you and your life and with time you will get to a happy place once more. Try and change your life around. Learn from this relationship and take your lessons into the next. Go travelling, do something you've allways wanted to do, go to the gym and reconnect with old friends.

Anyway good luck.

don't cheat on communication....that's the key.

Break up like she went to prison... no calls, no texts and keep your eyes open.
Someone will find you or you will find them.

Then check the survival guide below.

Good luck...

You are not alone.

Thank you all for your help. The only problem is I'm a very jealous guy.. it kills me to think or even hear about her with another guy. I know I treated her my best. But still... once I was her only now I'm not.

It's a tough one to get over Ill give you that. The thing is, you need to stop finding out about what she is doing(easier said than done I know). If you keep thinking about her with other guys it will eat you alive. I don't know how to stop the thoughts from occurring though aside from staying really busy.

Im 2 months into the breakup, and 35+ days of no contact, which feels so good now.

Think of this as a chance to change everything in your life. You are in a new town (for school) and you will make some incredible friends and meet some great girls. You will probably see this as a blessing later on, after you meet a ton of girls in college. As for your friends back home, if they were truly your friends they would stick by you.

You mist strive to know NOTHING....

At some point - BOOM - you don't care anymore. That day comes after many months of your brain not seeking any endorphins from an old source. REPLACE and your brain will help you... gym, other girls, movies, trips, friends... and no cheating... that's how the magic change happens: INDIFFERENCE.

Yea, I know that day will come. I guess I feel that since she already has someone else, that I should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

Ive come to the realization that you can't focus on the why or the how of what they did. It just spirals out of control until you are a mess. As hard as it is, you just have to focus in on the fact that it happened, that its not coming back and the future is all that matters now.

Yea, i know that day will come. I guess i feel that since she already has someone else, that i should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

dude, when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people they may or may not have... she's going through a 'Ho period... George Clooney couldn't get her to behave. Be glad you were first in line... just don't be LAST IN LINE - ewww... move on, stud. You were there FIRST!


Ash has spoken. Go forth and prosper.

That is an awesome way to see it! I never really thought about that before.

Fixer12,

Some good advice above. But no good unless you decide to take it and use it. Good luck.

Well thank you so much everyone. I haven't talked to her in almost a week. It feels good. I am able to actually continue for small amounts of time without my mind wandering around. The encourgment is great. Even though I know there are more people going through this, I still feel like I'm the only one at times. Thank you. The advice has been great!

Your be fine. You won't be if you brake NC. Keep busy and don't mope about

Glad to help.

All right, I had been doing a really good job up until recently. One of my pretty good friends had gone to my hometown (where my ex is) and saw her this weekend. I guess they started talking again. (Before they somewhat hated each other.) So they had broken the silence.
When my ex and I broke up the first time before the summer, they had texted each other a lot about hooking up. (when I thought they hated each other). They had sent pictures to each other of themselves, and stuff like that. I had told my friend recently that I was really uncomfortable about them talking, because it would still hurt me a lot if something did happen. He had told me "dude i have no intentions of hooking up with her. But she is pretty chill and i'd liek to hang out with her."
So now I find out that they are talking online and stuff about hanging out next time he comes into town. Well I really don't know what this is about... I honestly don't know how to take it. If it was any other guy, sure I couldn't care less. But if they got together, I know it would be 10x harder for me. I guess I really need to think of someway to get over jealousy. Any advice would be great. Thank you so much.

I don't think it really is jealousy, but because he is souposed to be your boy and they were never friends before then why now? That seems a little funny to me. I don't know about you, but there is this little thing called code of conduct where your friends don't hook up with your Ex. Don't sound like he is a real good friend. I would try and talk to him about it. I don't know the situation with your X but I would re look at how much of a good friend he is to you.

I agree with Foxy, if they supposedly never liked each other before and now he thinks that she is "chill" something is not right. You should reeavaluate your friendship because his response is a little on the shady side

As you keep no contact, from the ex and heal your mind, you can better evaluate whether you need new friends.

Yea, I ended up talking ot him about it. When he was back in our home town she had came up to him and gave him a hug saying. "hey how are you." Then they just talked about how "he and his sister look alot alike" for 2 minutes and it was over. He told me about this earlier.
So I told him that it was still bugging me how they were talking, cause it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. He told me "I dont know why this is becoming such a big issue, because there is no intentions that i have. She doesn't have my number, i dont have hers. And im probably not going to give her mine, and i really dont want hers. I think she is doing this knowing that its going to bug you, and you are letting it."
See the thing is now I'm feeling like I am doing something wrong. I mean chances are not much is going to happen, but still.

Yea, i know that day will come. I guess i feel that since she already has someone else, that i should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.


I'm about 3 weeks into it and have been finding it difficult to get these thoughts/images out of my mind. Thoughts/images of her being with someone else or caring for someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach and lose control of my thoughts. I don't know what to do. I know that's her prerogative, but it's killing me. I thought it would get better, but it seems like its getting worse.

I found for myself, that the thoughts of my ex with her new guy really really really hurt for the first month. But once I TRULY decided to heal, it started getting better. The only real approach to it is realizing that from the EXACT moment they decided to leave, what they do or who they do it with doesn't matter. Its not an easy thought to process at first, but with time and practice it gets easier.

I had the same thoughts (and she left me for him within an hour) about her with him, her laughing with him, going out, having sex, etc. I couldn't think of a worse pain if I tried. The only way I could be OK (and I use the term OK loosely) was to accept that she's gone and that it doesn't matter what she's doing. I erased her MSN, her Facebook, her pictures, her phone #. Out of sight out of mind. It didn't work at first but every day was a little bit easier.

The out of site out of mind is difficult because I have class with her. I agree with you, there's not worse pain than seeing the one you love, the one you planned your future with, in someone else's company. It hurts because my dreams and plans are shattered.

The cool thing is, here is your opportunity to make new plans, new dreams for yourself. Ones that only YOU can be responsible for, and you make happen.

Thanks for the motivation. I don't actually see it as cool though. I know what you are getting at. The pain and hurt is blind siding everything. I wish there was something to do to make it go away.

Thanks for the motivation. I don't actually see it as cool though. I know what you are getting at. The pain and hurt is blind siding everything. I wish there was something to do to make it go away.
No contact and hard work does it for most here, and if you must see them, then be brief, busy and unavailable.

All right. So I have been doing a pretty good job with the "no contact" part of the deal... until yesterday... so yesterday while walking to class I get a text from my ex saying "i just saw a picture of us together that we had taken before you left, i miss you so much." So I wrote back telling her, "its ok it happens i run accross those types of things all the time." We text or a few more minutes but it ended up with her saying, "i miss you so much and in ways i want us back together because we were so happy together. I still love you." I had told her, "look you have a boyfriend, but i promise you i'll always be here for you as your friend, in my heart i will always love you only because you left yoru mark in my life."
Then basically after that it was the end of the conversation. So basically what I don't understand is that we have been broken up for almost 2 months... She already has another boyfriend, and hooked up with a few guys in between their relationship.
After a few hours I texted her asking her "so are you feeling better now?" She said, "yea because i realize no matter what we will always be friends." I had told her, "well yea maybe depends on the choices you make."
I'm usually pretty good about keeping the silence... but every week or so she will text me about these kinds of things... and that's as far as they go. Yea I miss her and think about her still, but I don't want to get back together with her at all.
Why is she out there saying these kinds of things to me? She has had another boyfriend for over a month. I am so ready to move on... I just wish my mind would go with my body.

Don't respond to the text, some women like to rub things in... or expect guys (and yes I mean that in the Plural) to be hanging on while they want to make no commitments.

Play into her old tricks then don't be surprised if you go through this all over again. Sometimes you just have to cut off all contact to avoid this. And yes, I rode the bus for an entire year in college with a girl I broke up with over something she did when we had plans for something. (she disappeared to see an old boyfriend for about 3 days when we had concert tickets) and I didn't speak to her in that whole time. Oh she tried, but I wouldn't answer back. She hurt me pretty good and I wouldn't let her get to me a second time.

Don't respond to the text, some women like to rub things in...or expect guys (and yes I mean that in the Plural) to be hanging on while they want to make no commitments.

Play into her old tricks then don't be surprised if you go through this all over again.

This is a good point. Don't get yourself thinking about what she is saying or texting you. In another post, someone wrote that people want their cake and eat it too. She's with someone else, while she has these feelings for you? Do you want to be with someone who can be with another person, while having feelings for you? That isn't right. You said you are ready to move on, and that is a great achievement, don't back peddle. Or you will be back to where I am.

I have been trying so hard to move on.. when it first happened I thought that when I got to where I am now... I would feel completley better... but I don't. I have been staying busy... probably to busy... when I come down from it all... it just sucks. In my mind I am completely mad at her and hate her for everything she is doing... but then ill remember the memories, or she will talk to me and in my heart... I can't hate people its just not my nature.
I think that yea... she is waiting for next time I come home to try and get back together with me or something... because why else would she try to stay so attached to me when I'm just trying to let it all completely go... yea I love her.. I always will... I'm just sick of being down all the time... I'm waiting for that GREAT day but.. I'm so sick of waiting

She is merely stringing you along in case things go wrong. She enjoys knowing the comfort of having you to fall back on. Don't be that doormat! If she really loved you she would be with you right now.

Yea. I am just getting so sick of everything. I don't see how being in a completely other town still has reprocusions like this

No one wants to be in this situation. It hurts and its going to hurt for while. How long will it hurt depends on how you cope with it. There are going to be good days, and some bad days. Eventually, the bad days will get less and less. Know that you are not going to be in this state forever, feelings and emotions will change. I have my good and bad times, and its hard. No one is saying it's easy. Hang in there.

i have been trying so hard to move on.. when it first happened i thought that when i got to where i am now... i would feel completley better... but i dont. I have been staying busy... probably to busy... when i come down from it all... it just sucks. In my mind i am completely mad at her and hate her for everything she is doing... but then ill remember the memories, or she will talk to me and in my heart... i can't hate people its just not my nature.
I think that yea... she is waiting for next time i come home to try and get bakc together with me or something... because why else would she try to stay so attached to me when im just trying to let it all completely go... yea i love her.. i always will... im just sick of being down all the time... im waiting for that GREAT day but.. im so sick of waiting
As long as you talk with her and respond to her you aren't even taking the first step of moving on.

I'm waiting for that GREAT day but.. I'm so sick of waiting
Then stop waiting, and stop talking to her. Your stuck, so get out and do what you enjoy, and stop being available for her confusion. YOUR CHOICE!

I think the key solution here is to concentrate on your present.

A great day will not come if you are not making it a great day. You maybe feeling down in the dumps, but you are in control of how you make your day great and move on. I'm not going to kid you and say it's easy. It's going to take small steps and the strength to get yourself moving on. You can not wait for anyone. You will only regret waiting later if she doesn't come back. You may come to terms and say that she may not be the one for you. Focus on yourself and make the best out of it. Don't expect her to come back, if she does don't jump right back into it. Have a talk and think what's best for you. Good luck and hang in there man. You are not alone, this happens to the best.

Yea, that's a very good way to see it. I remember before I was in a relationship I used to always tell people, "its all up to you, its just your outlook on life." I have no idea why I had forgotten that until now.
All of you are 100% right. SO what if she goes out and possibly hooks up with one of myfriends? I don't care. Yea, at least I can say I am a better person then she is.
Going through these lessons makes us who we are. Better people, smarter people. I mean she isn't even in the same town as me... so who cares?
Things will get better, its all up to me to make it better. I realize there isn't anything holding me back except my own thoughts of being scared about what might happen next. Thanks!

yea, thats a very good way to see it. i remember before i was in a relationship i used to always tell people, "its all up to you, its just your outlook on life." I have no idea why i had forgotten that until now.
All of you are 100% right. SO what if she goes out and possibly hooks up with one of myfriends?! I don't care. Yea, at least i can say i am a better person then she is.
Going through these lessons makes us who we are. Better people, smarter people. I mean she isn't even in the same town as me... so who cares?
Things will get better, its all up to me to make it better. I realize there isn't anything holding me back except my own thoughts of being scared about what might happen next. Thanks!


That's the key step my friend. There might be times that you will think of her and that's normal. You got to keep at it and remember who you are. The hurt that you have right now shows how strong a person you are, a person that has a lot of love to give and able to care about others. This is normal, you will only get better. Brighter days are ahead.

"For every dark night, there's a brighter day"

I know they will. I am so ready for them to come! Everyday I feel a little bit different, its just hard the days where stuff comes up. But your right, brighter days are ahead. I am so looking forward when I can feel like my old self again... its just been such a long time since I have been single... have to get used to it all over.

You are not going to get used to it because it's not going to be the same as before, when you were single. You are a new person, stronger and more knowledgeable person now. The core person of who you are will be there, don't forget who you are. Make the best of your days and we will all look back at this and laugh one day. That day will come, how soon it comes depends on you. Keep it going brother.

Ok its been basically 2 months now since we have broken up. I haven't been on here in basically a week now. But I find myself wondering some more questions.
When I have alone time... I don't want to be alone I had gotten so used to always having someone to talk to, always having some to look forward to doing when we were dating. Now I have nothing to important to look forward too.
I tell myself I miss the memories I miss the feelings, which I do, it helps me bring myslef back up to want to get in another relationship at sometime. When I actually sit back and think about it... I hated a lot of things about being in that relationship... fighting almost everyday and only looking forward to seeing each other once or twice a month when I was able to come home for 2 days. You would think over time I would have developed a feeling of being able to let go even easier.
We had spent the whole summer together, I have up all my plans so I can spend them with her. I now regret getting back together now that I knew this would happen.
I have been working on myself appearance everday day since we broke up. Eating healthier going to the gym, being very pro-active with friends and on my own. I don't feel like girls notice me more. I still feel completely nervous like I did talking to them when I had a girlfriend.
I want to find someone new... but I'm not sure on how long its going to take for all these feelings to just go away for ever. I can get myself through the day no problem now. It's only when I'm alone or slow down that my mind does too. She has had someone new for almost 2 months as well, and has been with several guys in between.
She for some reason still writes me emails saying stuff like "oh i just wanted to see how you were, i miss you alot. I want to see you. I still love you." Even though she has a boyfriend. I kind of figured that she is wanting me to be there for when I either come home or when her relationship goes bad. I don't want to be there!
It's about a month away from the point where I go home for Thanksgiving break. I am extreamly nervous. I haven't been home since the break up, and I know she will end up seeing me or my car cause one of my good friends lives right down the street. I don't mind seeing her, but I would just hope that the feelings will go away.
I always thought in the beginning that after 2 months I would feel 100% again... I feel like I was kidding myself. Yes I have made awesome improvement, but why is it I miss so much just having someone always around and I feel like I need it al the time. If anyone can just lend some advice on all the things I just talked about it would be great. :)

No one gets 100% closure in 2 months if they were hurt by someone they care about.
But they do begin to get a clearer head.

It's basc detox science... You need to hold out and let your body not seek chemical gratification in her form... it takes a while to break... Every month you get closer!
You may not be sure why or how - but it's happening... Keep busy and PLEASE do not beat yourself up - you are normal... it's OK to hurt still...


Finally, the LESS you know about her the better you can heal. There is no perfect formula - and some people need to go back and write and call and visit, and others walk on... the latter usually gets you "there" more quick.

Your right the less I know about her the better. Thankfully being in a new town makes it easier
I guess with feeling better, I just feel like I should because she has already had another boyfriend since 2 weeks after we broke up. I guess I just feel like wow if she can already have another boyfriend... why can't I have a girlfriend yet? Can't find many girls who are remotely interested in me. (that I know of)
I guess I feel like I am supposed to meet up to all of her standards. I know there are things in my life that are a lot better then in hers. I mean I have a lot more new friends now... she has her boyfriend and a few others... but other then that... that's all

No one gets 100% closure in 2 months if they were hurt by someone they care about.
But they do begin to get a clearer head.

It's basc detox science....You need to hold out and let your body not seek chemical gratification in her form....it takes a while to break....Every month you get closer!!
You may not be sure why or how - but it's happening....Keep busy and PLEASE do not beat yourself up - you are normal...it's ok to hurt still....


Finally, the LESS you know about her the better you can heal. There is no perfect formula - and some people need to go back and write and call and visit, and others walk on.....the latter usually gets you "there" quicker.I'll second this advice. While everyone is a little different, this is something that will work best for most people. And by that I mean help you move on with the least pain.

So, if any of you had read my previous posts. I had been through a break up for 2 months. She and I had broken up and gotten back together twice before, because she believed things would get better. We had dated for over a year in general. I know in my heart I would always love her. We got through almost the entire 1st year, and then we got back together when I went home for the summer. Things went well. We recently broke up when I left for college for the 2nd year.
When we had broken up she already had another boyfriend 2 weeks later. They had slept together and what not. She also before that had a one night stand type thing with another guy before her boyfriend.
So basically after not talking much after 2 months, she comes back into my life saying that she loves me and realizes that she wants to be with me and only me. I told her she needs to clean up her life first, because she wasn't like that when we first started dating. She knew from the beginning that she needed to clean up her life. I have told her that I would help her get her life on track but only as a friend. I do go home in the next 3 weeks, and she wants to hang out and see me. I told her she needs to be single for a long enough time to realize what it's like again. I want to believe that she will clean everything up. I forgive her for the things she does. But I don't want to get hurt again. I love her in my heart and I always will.
I am trying to keep up the whole "defensive barier" to keep my heart safe, but the more I talk to her again the more my feelings come back. I don't want to get hurt again... My heart is so lost in what to do. I want to help her get everything back on track... and she feels that if she does this, that we will get back together... and if she actually does get things fixed in her life this time... yes I would consider it. Unfortunitly cause of the past break up's my parents completely hate her. Some of my so called "friends" do too. I don't want ot get hurt, but if she truly changes It would be nice. But how do I know the truth from bad anymore?
Any advice would be great.

I first want to say, your so called "friends" probably have your best interest in mind. They may not like or approve of her because of she treated/affected you. I don't know the situation between you and your friends, but friends are going to be there for you no matter what. Don't go questioning if they are your friends, just because they may not have the highest opinion of your ex.
I sympathize with your dilemma. It's natural to put up that barrier to protect yourself. I would have one too. Don't rush into it. Your heart and emotions may get the better of you. You need to think with your mind and weigh the consequences. Think how much progress you have made to get where you are.

Yea, I know they do. Some of them are good friends for that reason. Thank you very much. I need to stand up for myself, not just let myself get walked all over every time she is single and lonely

All right it has been about 2 1/2 months since I broke up with my ex. NC is going... OK. Last week she tried to bring me back into her life when she had broken up with her boyfriend (which was only for the weekend it turned out).

I have been going out spending a lot of time with my friends. It keeps my mind busy from thinking bad things. Even though I have developed this way of doing everything in my day with always thinking about her in the back of my mind. I hate it. I don't know how to stop it

Along side with this problem. Every night I have dreams about her. Usually they are of us being together. I can't get them to stop! I don't know why I am having them, it makes it so much harder, and unrelaxing to sleep. Why am I having these dreams?

ITS JUST A DREAM! I don't know your situation or why you and your ex broke off but it was obviously for the best and now its been 2 months or so and you're doing so well, getting back out there, hanging out with your friends and now she's broke of with her current boyfriend and she wants to get in touch!! That's just wrong, keep being strong with the N/C and let her go find another shoulder to lean on about her relationship problems etc.

As for your dreams, THEY ARE JUST DREAMS, I'm sure a lot of people have those dreams when they come out of a relationship, I did... but they are just dreams, try taking a sleeping pill, I mean one! Lol it might help you sleep better or light some lavender candles before you go to bed, it might work and it's quite relaxing ;p

The dreams will slowly go away in time. When my ex broke up with me in the beginning of year it took me about 7 months for the dreams to completely go away.

Alright it has been about 2 1/2 months since i broke up with my ex. NC is going... ok. last week she tried to bring me back into her life when she had broken up with her boyfriend (which was only for the weekend it turned out).

I have been going out spending alot of time with my friends. It keeps my mind busy from thinking bad things. Even though i have developed this way of doing everything in my day with always thinking about her in the back of my mind. I hate it. i dont know how to stop it

Along side with this problem. Every night i have dreams about her. Usually they are of us being together. I can't get them to stop! I dont know why i am having them, it makes it so much harder, and unrelaxing to sleep. Why am i having these dreams?

Yeah the stopped around month 4 for me. I remember I would wake up in sweats in the middle of the night with thoughts of another man touching her. It passes. Keep up the no contact though or it won't pass.

Yea. I have been doing pretty well with no contact so far. I still freak out if she is talking with my friends and stuff though. Sometimes that is what my dreams end up being about. Im pretty much ready for everything to be better. I was doing really well. I guess I just thought by this time in my life... everything would be 100% better. I guess I was wrong

All right. So if any of you have read my posts before in the past you might have a slight idea about what is going on. I had started dating this girl my senior year of high school when she was a freshman. Now I am a 2nd semester sophomore in college, and she is a jr. in high school. I know to most of you this may sounds obvious on why thing's didn't work between us.

So we had bene in a relationship where we had gotten together and broke up about 4-5 times in the past, all because of her saying ether, "she coudln't handle the distance" or something else. So we had been moving back and forth between a long distance relationship. When I first went down to school we both had some adjusting to do, but we actually did a really good job for the whole first semester, things had gone well and I had came up and seen her every few weeks or so.

The 2nd semester things didn't go to well... we were fighting all the time, she was really stuggeling by not having a boyfriend who wasn't around all the time. I had told her we already came this far lets wait because soon I'll be home for the summer. Well about a month before I came home for the summer she and her family had to come down to a town near my school for her sisters volleyball game. I went to go see her, but she had already met and made out with another guy within the week or so we had broken up. That is just the beginning.

So I went back to my school in tears, I waited the next 2 long miserrable weeks out to go home. When I went home she and I kind of talked a little bit because she knew I was home, but then about 2 weeks into the summer she had said she wanted to try and make things work. During the 2-3 weeks we weren't together she had dated someone else and got pretty serious, she claims that she was "raped" by him at one point, but I believe she just didn't want to tell the truth about what was going on. I forgave her for everything that had happened and we spent the rest of our summer fixing our relationship. Things were actually back to the way they once were.

SO when it came down and was time for me to go to school again 2 days after I left she said she couldn't be with me. Told me all these stupid reasons like she wanted to be able to have more time for her friends, wanted to start new acting things, and school was more important. I tried my best to understand. Well we both struggled about what was going on. She and I still talked about wanting to be together at some point, but she was with a new boyfriend right away who was her age. He always stayed at her house cause her parents didn't care. They had already been sleeping together. For some reason she left like she wanted to be with me at times

So after about 3 months I came home for Thanksgiving. I was only home for like 4 days, she said she wanted to make things work cause she had broken up with her boyfriend because they were always fighting. So she and I hung out and resparked some stuff. Then after going back down to school after about 2 weeks in she decided she wanted to be with her ex again. She said I couldn't trust her enough, because all I had asked her to do was to not talk to her ex. She said I was being to controlling and over protective. I was upset cause I knew in about a week and a half I was going to come home for an entire month.

Well I came home within the first night of being home she and I went out for a drive and she had started crying and said she wanted things to work out. She realized she loved me a lot more then she ever loved her ex, so I told her we would let things work. I told her in the beginning I didn't trust her at all. It would take a very long time before I was able too. She said she understood and that everything would be fine. She had a week to go with school and then she was on break.

After about 6 days of us working things out, she had texted me at work saying she was "thinking." I had to play 20 questions with her till I figured out what she was thinking about. She told me she wasn't over her ex and that it wasn't fair to me. I already knew she wasn't because every time we were together they were always texting each other. About stuff too that she didn't know anything about... which I'm sure she did. She would get texts from her saying, "oh i'll give you until sunday."I had asked her about them, she said she had no idea. Also there was a rumor going around that she had hooked up with this other guy when she was single... for that like day. She had gotten a text from him saying... "i thought you siad you might date me?" She had told me I was over reacting when I got upset and that it was probably meant for someone else.

I asked her nicely to just stop texting these guys cause I was feling really uncomfortable and it was causing us to constantly fight. Not only were we fighting I had to lie to my parents to go hang out with her... given yes I am in college, but my parents didn't want me seeing her because I kept going back to her. I had given her a ride to school on Friday (today being sunday) and ever since then I haven't heard from her. She was always causing me to worry about what she was doing or what was going on. She was telling me I was being immature by not wanting her to text guys all the time. I told her I could work around it if she proved to me what she was telling them was true. Sometimes she would other times she would just take her phone away or get upset with me if I asked.

So I am at the point I haven't talked to her in like 3 days. It feels weird all the other times we had broken up we still texted for a while then stopped. I am afraid of running into her around town seeing her back with her ex again even though when we broke up she told me (im going to be single I don't want to be with him yet). Yet to find out that night they were back together. Thankfully she said she agreed to stay away from my work until I go back down to school. This is the last time I will be home in this town for my parents are moving. I may come up for a few days, but not as much as I ever will.

So what do I do now? Do I just let her go... she hurt me a lot, but sometimes it was nice the way she did treat me when things were going well. I want to text her but I feel like I shoudn't. I am afraid of moving on. I am sad and depressed while she is off with another guy feeling completely fine... or at least acting like it. I don't know what to do. Was I really that immauture as she said, did I really do something wrong by not trusting her right away?

Holy christ dude, you are getting used, played, abused in everyway a relationship can possibley do it to someone. She wants to work things out every time you are in town because you are there, and she wants sex. She sounds like a whore to me. I can almost guarantee more times than not, she was still dating these other guys every time you came in town.. not only that, but you are wasting the best years of your life, COLLEGE, on some immature little high school slut... sorry to be blunt, but you need to move on and completely go no contact with this girl

There are so many girls in college waiting for relationships, one night stands, 2 week flings, etc, that I don't even know what to do with them.

END THIS NOW, learn from it and don't ever let any girl play with you as much as this girl did. I'm sure love blinded you every time she wanted to get back with her, and that's understandable, but 5 times is enough, especially with all these other guys she talks to.

Please man, for all our sakes and most importantly yours, drop this girl. It will make you stronger and allow you to have a normal relationship with a girl your age and at your maturity level...

Moral of the story: drop her now, no contact whatsoever. It will be easy because you are moving and you go to college...

Good luck man, no girl is worth what she put you through

I agree. Thank's a lot your right I don't deserve to go through all of this crap. I guess a lot of it was the fact that she controlled me a lot more then I controlled her.

I am going to continue with no contact. It just gets hard sometimes especially when I am bored. I got so used to always having someone around.

The thing about it though, is that even though it may take time, you will find someone to have around that doesn't lie, deceive, or do anything your ex has put you through over the last several months. The more you try to figure out what she's thinking or if she's going to come back think of this.. she has come back 5 times, and with each breakup, you feel a bit worse than the last. All getting back with her will do is setup number 6. I know you can do so much better. The second you stop worrying about her and stop trying to look for someone that will replace her, you will find someone who makes you feel right. It may last a week, you may marry the girl, but the harder we look the less we find

The week I stopped looking to make every girl my potential GF, I found the girl I'm still seeing now. Have fun with college man, you will be missing those years down the road.. dont waste college on high school drama. Have fun man, its what its all about

And if your not in a fraternity... RUSH ONE! Best decision of my life, countless sorority girls and tons of guy friends. A great thing to get your mind off what's eating at you right now. Rush starts in the spring... I think you should go for it!

Good luck!

That's true. I remember when I even met her I wasn't looking for love. I think I need to just focus again on what I want in life. Because of being with her I had stopped hanging out with the people that actually cared about me, and stopped doing the things I had wanted to do.

I always sacrificed my time to be with her.

Don't be so hard on yourself as we all have played the fool. Forgive yourself, and chalk it up to experience. You'll be all right if you just have fun with good people.

Dude:

The advice that you are getting here is right on. You have been dealing with a little girl. You are in College. I would give my left nut to be back in college and age 20 again.

I was in a frat and also worked at the local pub (hell most of these guys are still my friends some 20 years later). I had more women than I knew what to do with.

When you hang out with a really nice girl you will notice the difference. Limited drama, trust, believe me you have been through a nightmare. I really feel for you, but experience someone new, it might not be the next one, but you will see that a relationship that is good is easy.

"I know to most of you this may sounds obvious on why thing's didnt work between us." You are right there.

"When you hang out with a really nice girl you will notice the difference." LivingtheLifeinFLA Tell it, brother.

She's playing you like a cat does a mouse. Get over her, ASAP.

Thank you so much everyone. I do realize now that I was in a relationship that was not only hurting myself, but hurting my life. I am now going to do my best to stick to the No contact. I hope that I will be strong enough to stick it out.

I do still feel bad about not wanting to have her in my life anyone, she was once a huge part of it.

Your life will improv 100 fold when you truly don't want her in your life.

In no way should you feel bad about anything you do to her. She is a lying, coniving, deceitful slut and she's still in high school

f'*** her, she will bring down every new boyfriend she has for yrs to come

I agree. She probably will, I shouldn't feel bad at all.

Like I had said above, it's just so weird taking someone who was so close before completely out of your life.

I know that I can do this. I just don't believe that she should be out there being happy, it doesn't deserve it.

I promise you, her quick fix happy will not work in the long run.. all the things you are feeling is a good sign that you truly care about people, especially if you are in a relationship with someone. Even though this girl hurt you repeatedly, you still care for her. It will take time, but someone will feel the same way about you. Right now, just have fun with college, party hard, and meet some girls!

I still think joining a fraternity is a great way to leave everything that has happened over the last several months in the dust. Really do look into it, and I promise you won't regret it.

Yea, she had texted me on christmas saying hi and merry christmas. I was fine with that but it still got my mind wandering. She said she still thought about me a lot, and I knew I did her. She and I text a little bit amount through out the day, but honestly nothing was solved. I can't tell if she cared about me or doesn't. I honestly don't know any more. I am want to completely take her out of m life and ignore everything, but I am scared too... I don't know how to actually go through with it without coming off as a...

Click on the links in my signature, for some good ideas.

So yea. Recently she had posted new pictures of herself on myspace... it was kind of hard to see, but yet at the same time... I didn't see too much. It wasn't hard for me to get over... but still when I first realized it (cause I guess the new myspace made me a subscription to her all of a sudden.. ) (I changed that haha). But I still got the feeling of a pain inside me... I don't know what to do... I almost texted her and wanted to ask... but I didn't... I hate this... I want to feel better soon.

NC NC NC..!

Ignore her completely man... its so hard I know

I just broke up with my GF tonight(well mutual), I know its hard.

But dude, xmas break is almost over, so I know this is one of the only places to be because its so damn boring being home, but once you are back at school, you will have things taking your mind of things. Some things to do when you get back:

Pick up a few extra hours, maybe something that interests you, not some boring core class.

Join the nearest gym to campus. Gyms near campus usually have some student discount. If you need the extra money, tell your parents why your joining the gym( I assume they know the whole situation because your parents are the biggest listeners at our age) and I'm sure they will fott the monthly bill

JOIN A FRATERNITY!!

Any or all of these will get your mind focus on positive things...

Its hard I know man, but you are in college, which means you have a good head on your shoulders. You will overcome this man, I promise...

All right, I have been going off and on with this girl for almost 2 years. When we are together things really work. Right now we had just gotten through a really big dry spell of things not working. Now she acts like she loves me more then ever and would do anything for me. It has been that way for almost a month now.
So she and I had been dating since I was a senior in high school and she was a freshmen. Yes, I am in college now and she is still in high school. We have learned a lot of things together. Ever since we started dating my parents never liked her. They "tried" to like her, and told me they actually never hated her... but I know now from the way they act they do. They haven't known that we have been back together for the last month because I have been to scared of telling them. I have been waiting for things with us to finally settle down so that way I don't tell them, and then she and I end up breaking up right away. I have a feeling they are going to find out soon, and I have no idea what I am supposed to say. I know they will pull the whole, "thanks for lying to us" on me. It has just been so much easier with them not knowing, but I am starting to feel extremely guilty. My parents never liked her because they thought and heard from other people that she was one that "got around." And there had been some truth behind that, but they never really took the time to ask me about it, or get to know her on their own. They're friends would tell them stuff about their family or things they have heard, or even stuff she has put me through during our break ups, and my mom's exact words were, she is a "slut".
Things with us recently have been much different, when we are together we are really happy. Right now we are currently having to do the long distance relationship thing, but it has been working really well.
I just know my parents are going to find out soon, and I have no idea what I am going to do. Or what I should say, I'm tired of having to hide things from them. Or do I keep hiding it? Please any advice on help would be great! Thanks

Long distance is hard on everyone, even the most committed of us. Add to that the youth and inexperience, of you both, and the fact that your at different stages in life, conflict, and confusion, is the conditions you have to deal with. You actually have too much to worry about, and does it matter what your parents think of who your with? Of course it does, and raises even more conflict between you. I suggest that you concentrate on dealing with the things you can control, (you) and accept that you cannot control everyone, or every situation. Make you the priority in your life, and try to deal with the rest, in a positive manner. Good luck.

First of all, your parents should know better than to listen to hearsay from other people. But you yourself admit that there's some truth to it so you've got to be careful as well. If you eventually want to try and get your parents' approval then I wouldn't continue to hide it from them. Encourage your parents to get to know her and assure them that you feel that this girl is right for you. Let your parents get to know her and see how she is on a firsthand basis rather than just relying on gossip and hearsay.

That is a good point. I am just so nervous about telling them in general. My mom is the type of lady that will pull all types of guilt trips on me.

Also we have done the long distance before, we did it for almost one full school year. Yea we had our ups and downs, but we did it up to the last few weeks.

I want to tell my parents, I do. I just know they are going to act like I am making the biggest mistake, and that is going to be hard to deal with all the time.

I just know my parents are going to find out soon,

Part of manhood is standing for what you think is the right thing to do. Whether you agree or not, always respect your parents. I have never argued or disrespected mine, no matter what they have said, because after I left their presence, I knew I would do what I thought I had to. So must you, since we all know we can't please everyone, not even your parents, who will always be your biggest critics, and most loyal supporters.

SERENITY PRAYER
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Yea, I believe you are right with standing up for what I believe is right. I know in the end they won't do much. I am just not wanting to disappoint them.

So for those of you that may have read my past entries... or still can. You will see that I had a girl basically take over my life. Well during the last month or so, I let her do it again. The point is this time... I actually want it to be the end. I want to feel better for once! I want to not have someone in my life and actually feel the way I did when I did have someone!
I have been trying so hard to move on from this girl, but every time she tells me something I want to hear I get back together with her. She seems to only want to be with me until something better comes along for her.
For those of you who don't know we have been in a long distance relationship for a long time. In fact I was supposed to be going home this upcoming Saturday to see her. It was going ot be a great weekend of only me and her. I could tell during the last week that they caring had been becoming one sided. So I tried harder. We were both sick with the flu at the same time, so I just figured she was trying to shake her cold. Time went by and she still acted like she never wanted to talk to me. She called me on her lunch and said, "oh i love you so much!" But to my knowledge a few hours later she was going to send me another text saying, "i think we need a break." After she got out of school we talked about it (obviously on the phone) and she said she just needed to think. So I called her before I went to work and she said she just needed to calm down and she was acting this way because she missed me. She wanted me to be home so bad. I told her I would be home, but she would say, "yea well then what will happen after that?" I told her I honestly didn't know that once I got more money I would come back home to see her.
The hard part is she and I wouldn't have had any real future of spending a long time together, not even the summer. My parents had just moved, and she knew all of this before we had gotten back together, and she said "i dont care how far away you are, i realized i will always love you." So I believed her.
That night she went out to dinner "with her Dad." Which to me still seemed kind of weird. She told me on the phone that I had nothing to worry about and that she was going to go home right away so when I get off we can talk. So about 30 minutes into their dinner I send her an "i love you so much" text message. I go to check my phone again and I find. "i am sorry we need to break up please don't call me." I just wrote back "ok" and that was the end. This girl has been playing games with me for so long! For some reason I can't just seem to stay away! I want to cry, but I find myself not being able too. When I was at home we fought a lot, and we could never go do anything because I didn't want people knowing about us, cause every time I started telling people about us she broke up with me again. I really feel like she just went out to dinner with another guy, not her dad. Why is it I feel this way? I have been through this, but I am so scared of actaully taking her out of my life forever. I don't know why. She deserves it after everything she put me through. Chances are I will never see her again. I am transferring schools at the end of this semester, and she is still a jr. in high school. I am sure that right now she already has some other guy in her arms. I just hate feeling like this on valentines day. Why do I feel like this? I don't really want to be with her, but I am so scared everythime I am alone. I am scared of my thoughts. What do I do?

You said it best, your afraid of being alone. It has made you a class I, sucker for whatever crap she gives you. The only way to break this cycle, is very strict no contact, ever, no how, and learn to be happy by yourself. You have been here long enough to know, that help is here, just click on the links in my signature, and follow a few suggestions. Not easy, but it ain't hard.

Your probably right. I just wish I could feel better. I still look at the clock cause I have an idea of what she is doing... how long will it take where I no longer care?

That depends on how hard you work on your own behalf.

That is true. I have been working pretty hard. I have been down for about 6 months now. I just want that stupid mind controlling to go away. I am so ready to be happy and start something new. I just feel that being alone is really hard. Not being aroudn someone or having someone there to comfort you.
I have no idea what is going to happen in my life.

You know something I realized today that I have been going back and forth with this girl for 10 months! I have been wasting my time and have been so unhappy for 10 months!!

You just realised that today?? What are you going to do about it??

That's the Bottom Line , YOU have to do something about it.

Fixer, me and you are so alike in your problems.. the same thing is happening with me. Me and my "girlfriend" have been off and on for 2 years, I'm afraid to tell my friends in case she changes her mind, AGAIN.

Me and you are wayyy better off without these two girls. They only think of themselves, they say they love us and that they care about us, maybe they do, but they think about themselves too much!

This day 3 weeks ago my mind took control over my heart and I'm learning to move on... she has contacted me 3 times this week, twice last week and 3 times the week before telling me she is sorry and that I deserve better. I like these messages, I don't know why, I guess I like the attention she is giving to me but I haven't responded..

I have done things that she didn't like me doing when we were going out, like for example, when we were going out she didn't like me going out with my friends and drinking, which for any 17 year old male, is the normal thing to do in the UK. So what I have been doing is going out drinking with my friends, chatting up other girls and do what I want. The times I'd be with her I spend doing other things which I like, playing football, hanging out with friends, working out etc.

I know how its like when they tell you what you want to hear, but take a step back, and think about what its going to be like if you walk straight back into the relationship. Nothing will have changed.

So many of you in the past have read my posts, but not many of you really reply. I am hoping that this time will be different. I will take the time to explain everything that has been going on and how I am feeling now.

So it has almost been 2 years (March) that she and I have gotten together. She was a freshman in high school, and I was a senior. Since time has gone by she is a Jr. and now I am a Sophomore in college.

I am going to school about 400 miles away from where she is at. We had been doing the long distance relationship thing for a while. We both had gotten through my first semester with very little problems. Yea, we had our fights, but we eventually talked them through. We would spend all day on the phone. If we weren't on the phone we were texting. In all honesty the relationship got very repetitive. She came down and saw me about 3-4 times with her family, and I went up and saw her at least every month. I think the longest we went without seeing each other was a month.

Since about 10 months ago (since I have calculated it out) was when things really started going bad for us. That was when we no longer were able to talk and work things out. We would just hang up with each other on the phone and get mad. We both had gotten really sick of talking on the phone at this point and not having each other around, but we both figured it was cause we missed one another.

So after fighting what seemed to be several times a day, she broke up with me. 4 weeks before I was coming home for the summer. I would never figure out why she did. Her family was coming into town where I go to school for her sisters volleyball games. I had talked to her and she said she wanted to see me. So I drove to the next town over to see her, and when I did we both just sat there and started to cry. She had told me about how she had already made out with another guy, and how she missed me. I honestly was hurt. She told me to just go to sleep and everything would be OK. The next morning she said she still didn't know how she felt. I got tired of waiting I would have thought she would have known after seeing me, so I left.

So then when I decided to come home for the summer, she had another boyfriend (wasn't the guy she made out with, it was someone new.) She had been telling this guy that she loved him, and they were together for about a month. I soon found out that they had been sleeping together, (she and I were each others first). She claimed that this guy had raped her, so I felt sorry for her, and we got back together. Also before this too, she had tried going out with a few other guys.

Things over the summer went well. We spent all our time together again, my parents knew about us, and things were slowly getting better. We had told each other it would take time.

School started earlier for her before I left. I got nervous cause she started acting different, and I had trust issues after everything that had happened. Also she could drive now, so that was weird too. I found out she was texting one of her ex-boyfriends, and she told me it was nothing to worry about and that I just needed to calm down. (so did he). Even though to find out in a while, they both end up almost sleeping together.

Well the time came that we both had to face, I had to go back to school. We were both upset cause we knew what the long distance would be like... just being on the phone all the time. But she said she loved me and she knew she could do it. So I trusted her. So I left, I was excited about being in my new apartment, and I told her that I felt things were going to be a lot better. I had already knew I was going to go home in about 3 weeks. SO everything would be fine. Well 2 days later she calls me saying that she can't deal with the distance and wants to take time to do more high school things, and not have to give them up for me.

So we broke up. I was crushed, I was upset, I was mad. Soon I did find out that after we had broken up, she was going around hooking up with several guys. She eventually calmed down with this one guy. I found out that 2 days into the relationship that they had already been sleeping together. I was so pissed. I would drive around crying not knowing what to do. She would text me every few days, or send me an email asking me how I am. I just wrote her back saying that I was all right. It was hard moving on, but she would always text me saying "i miss you, and i still love you so much."

So after a few months of us going back and forth between not talking. Thanksgiving break rolled around. I soon then went home, and I saw her. (she had just broken up with her boyfriend because she said she wanted to be with me again). I saw her, she had changed a lot, she had gotten her lip pierced and dyed her hair from a blonde to a gross dark red. I could tell I still loved her a lot, regardless of her changes. So we ended up making out in my car, and we decided to make it work.

During Thanksgiving break I had to leave 2 days after I got home. She and I texted and talked the whole time, and I always asked her about stuff with her ex. I told her it bothered me and that I really needed to know, because of all the stuff we once did together she did with him. She would get upset because she felt it was in the past and I just needed to let it go. Soon enough I slowly stopped talking about it. When I got back home she and I hung out, and I felt better about things.

So I left back down to school, an we both knew I only had a month to go until I was home for the entire winter break (which was 4 weeks). So about 5 days into me being gone she broke up with me again, and got back together with her ex. She claimed she still really cared about him. I felt like it was actually over. She still ended up texting me and emailing me. So we still talked.

Soon again it was time for me to go home again for winter break, she claimed she wanted to see me so she did. She said she loved me and that she broke up with her boyfriend the day before and that she really wanted this to work. She said all this crying in my car again. This time I didn't tell my parents or my friends about it, nor did I last time. I got tired of people telling me I was dumb. So about a week went by, and things were going pretty well. She texted me one day when I was at work, " i am thinking." I knew then and there what it had to be about. She said she still talks to her ex so that must mean she still likes him. She said it wasn't fair for me to be in a relationship she wasn't sure about. So we broke up. Again I was crushed, but now I had to be in town for 3 weeks seeing her.

She went out of town for Christmas. I started hanging out with old friends, and I to my surprise never saw her. Things were getting better. I had my good friends helping me, and I also just found out my parents were moving to Hawaii, I felt like everything was happening for a reason.

Soon on new years, I guess she had broken up with her boyfriend because he was being mean to her and never cared. She felt alone. She texted me asking me if I could go pick her up from some guys house cause her car had been broken, and her parents woudlnt. I didn't go. It was hard for me to say no, cause I did tell her I would always be there for her and love her.

So we started texting again, and I decided to go see her. We both decided that we love each other and that it was time to make things work. So we got back together and surprisingly things started working. I could tell she really loved me, she had given up texting other guys to talk to me. So again after 2 weeks the time came for me to go back to school. She had told me that she realized no matter where I go she will always love me and want to be with me.

So it worked. I went down to school, and 3 weeks later I came back home, for our one month. I was proud of her. Because of everything that had happen in the past I had very hard trust issues of her texting other guys. I asked her to show me her phone, and that if she did get texts from her ex that I was going to just leave, cause she said she hadn't been texting him for a few weeks now. I believed her. When I did get back she had texted some guy about stuff in her class. I wasn't upset that she was texting him, cause she didn't delete it and had me see it. But what I was mad about was how she lied to me. She tried telling me it was nothing. I had asked her earlier that day who all she was texting, she said just her girlfriends. So I was mad.

I was home for less then an hour, and we already started into the sexual acts, before I had seen the phone. I had to lie to my parents about the time I was coming home so I could see her. So we got into a fight. She would always roll over and never talk to me about it, so I got sick of it and I ripped the sheets off her and demanded her to talk, because I had just gotten home and this already happened. So I eventually left and then came back later that night.

Things went good. We got into a few more fights again, and I couldn't figure out why, I was home for 2 days. We couldn't go out and do anything cause I didn't want people knowing yet, because I felt she was going to hurt me again.

So I left and came back down to school. Things worked fine, she and I talked on the phone, and she had even boughten a new cell service so she would talk to me more. She was planning on coming down this weekend to see me for valentines day. She found out she couldn't cause her parents had no money. So I found out later that day that I could go home. So I was going to go home in a week and see her. We had planned things out. Well from the previous visit she had gotten sick as did I. We both had the flu and were in bed for about 4 days. I always wanted to talk to her, but she wanted to sleep. I tried to do my best to understand it, but she never cared on how I was feeling, she was just mad cause I would call to wake her up.

Well eventually that blew over. She had felt lonely cause everyone was talking about stuff they were doing on valentines day, and I wasn't there for it. I told her it was OK cause I was coming home to spend the whole weekend with her the day after. She calmed down. She had called me at lunch and left the whole, " i love you so so much," message on my phone. So I got out of class and went home to lay down. She sent me a random text an hour after she left the message saying that we should take a break. I asked to talk to her after she got out of class about it.

So I called before she went to work and she said that she just missed me a lot, and that it was going to be hard not having me there. I told her everything would be OK. She calmed down, and then soon I had to go to work. She was still not sure on what she wanted and almost started crying on the phone. So when I went to work, I called her almost in tears trying to figure out what was going on. She said she was sorry, and that from now on she would just talk to me about her feelings. So I calmed down. She said she was going to go out to dinner with her dad, because her mom wanted her too. She had said we would make a lot of time to talk when I got off work. So I said OK. I sent her a text saying I loved her. And she wrote back 20 minutes later saying, "we need to break up i am sorry, please don't call." I wrote back, "ok i wont."

Since then that was the last thing I said to her. I got through valentines day, and I still feel like crap. We haven't spoken since, and that was about 5-6 days ago. It is really hard. I woke up this morning crying. I wanted to call her so bad. I still check her myspace all the time. She still has me on her number one, even though she just added a friend to it. I feel like crap. I wonder if she did go out to dinner with her dad, or if she just went with some other guy. I would think if it was with her dad, I would have heard from her, even on valentines day.

I feel really horrible, I had to start going to counseling. I knew the best thing for me to do is just to her go, but I don't know how. Please someone help me.

No matter how many post you make, the advice will always be the same. My advice at this point, is stop trying to find the magic potent, or the easy way out, and roll up your sleeves, and take the advice you have already been given, and get busy working on yourself. The earliest suggestion made was go No Contact! You have not done that sufficiently, for your healing, and until you do, you will be confused, and be in much misery and pain. Let go.

I know that you are right. I guess I don't know what to expect. I guess I have just been waiting to wake up one day and have everything magically better. I just don't know why I feel like she is happy without me. I feel that she is going on completely fine, even though I don't know that. I just feel that she is proabably perfectly fine while I am not.

I know that going so long without talking is a good thing. It just gets hard, when I was so used to talking ot her for a long time.

You either do what needs to be done, or be stuck on stupid, and go nowhere at all.

Sweet fancy Moses,

Line after line, paragraph after paragragh of the same, same, same, same, same thing. I love you, we need to break up, I like another guy, I love you, break up, another guy, love you, break up, another guy. I could re type this another 500 times and it would be like reading your story.

Whatever you did to get soooooo caught up with this girl is beyond me. Either she is using you like a tool for her pleasure or she is the most confused person(selfish) person I have ever heard of. Not that you are out of the clear either, your confused, desperate, and obviously lacking any self esteem, why else would anybody on this earth put up with this kind of behaviour? You know the old saying, fool me onceonce shame on you fool me twice shame on me. Well in this situation its shame, shame, shame, shame on you.

What advice do you want? You said yourself you got tired of people calling you dumb (its really hard not to) if you step back and look at this situation or re-read it I think even you yourself would come to that conclusion. You want to know how to undo all the things that you have created, clean up the mess YOU made. I have not read your otherpost but from what Tala said I can only imagine that you were told some time a go to let it go, which you obviously did not do.

So really it would have been difficulthad you started back then, now its even harder but the same thing still applies. You can't start crying more now over things you did yourself. N/C is your only option, yes it will hurt and you will cry, now more than before, but its your only shot.

If you remain than your to blame, regardless of how many posts you start nobodyisgoing to say anything that will change what you need to do.

Cheer up fixer,you can only control yourself no one else,not her.
Work on yourself esteem,work on you, no one likes a doormat,no one will respect one,that's the key to fixing this situation, you and you alone

So some weird things happened today. My friend from my home town (which my ex lives in) came down this weekend. He kind of knew about what was going on, but not fully. The subject had came up, and he had told me about one other person she had slept with before she was with me. I realized about how much she had lied to me about. Saying I was her first, and things like that.
I just almost realize how much of, (excuse my cruelty), whore she really is. I can't believe that I fell for all of this. I mean she is so young and has already been with so many guys. I have no idea why this woke me up.
So tonight, I tried going out with someone new. We just walked around and talked, but one thing I realized was that I didn't like her. She and I talked about how her roommate was someone who slept around a lot, and how she didn't think it was too bad. I don't understand, are all attractive women this dirty? Will I ever find a girl that is really beautiful and has a personality where I don't feel like its just sex? I feel like I am to nice of a guy to ever accept a women like that.
Good story short... I went out tonight... and it was new. It may not have been someone I look into dating... but I did do something...

You can say it loud Ho,
Tell yourself you're better than that.. what did you do?

When you are more emotionally grounded, you will learn to pace yourself better in a relationship, and know someone well enough to get the truth, and not take things at face value. Once you know yourself well, you will know what you want, as your slowly finding out. So look back and see that things have actually worked out well, because you are no longer in the dark about some things, seeing things in a more realistic light, seeing facts, and not just feelings, and you have taken a positive step forward.

Thank you. I have realized now that I did take a big step forward. I hung out with my friends tonight and this weekend, and for the first time in a while I really enjoyed myself. I didn't have to worry about what she was doing, or stupid things like that.
Going out with the girl the other night, was just weird. It felt nice to get out and meet and talk to new people, but at the same time, I was bummed out to find stuff I didn't really like. I just hope that all women are not like that. Seems like that is all decent looking girls want. I know I may be shallow for saying that.
The only time now I really think about stuff with her is when I am alone. But it is OK. The hardest times for me are the mornings, but I am hoping with time that it will change. The only thing that seems to be bothering me now, is my own jealousy in my mind. The fact that she might be or is with someone else. I already told myself the worst has happen, just so it isn't a shock. But I feel like if anything I should be like her and already have someone. Or that if I don't something is wrong with me.

The beauty of dating again, is if you don't like them, move on to the next. Even if you do like them, you can still date someone else, until you decide to pursue a relationship. There is no hurry to hang your star on anyone, nor should you rush things. Take the oppurtunity to see as much as you can and enjoy it. The skills and lessons you learn, will serve you forever, and you will have OPTIONS, and that my friend, is a great thing. Just love yourself enough, to be happy with YOURSELF.

In the words of Smokey the Bear... "Only you can prevent forest fires."

Only you can control your destiny, your responses, your emotions, your future...

Sounds like you are getting a hold of your life and are on the right track... Good luck to you, hon.

I can tell based on all your actions that you really love this girl. Unfortunately the problem is that she just doesn't know what she wants right now and your suffering as a result thereof. She definitely has some feelings for you but sadly she has chosen to string you along while she goes out and does her own thing.

I agree with everyone who has said that you should cut all contact with this person. It's not fair that she does these things to you. Move on with your life and enjoy it. Maybe after you have both spent some time apart and have matured into wiser people, then maybe you two can reconnect and start over. For now though, distance is your best choice.

Your right. It's hard though. Cause I know in a lot of ways I still love her. It has been rough because I still check her myspace... just to see if she got on. When in all reality I know it doesn't matter. I just for some reason still do it to see what has changed and where I am in her life. I am enjoying being with my friends again, I just have a hard time every moment I am alone.

still check her myspace... just to see if she got on.
That is a good way to keep her living rent free in your head. Cut it out!!

Stay off her myspace and get your own space.

That is good. I have made a personal choice to not even get on for the next week. I have a good feeling about it. Now I just feel like she doesn't deserve to even be with someone for everything she did. But it's not like I can stop it.

So one thing today I am having a hard time with is I am pretty sure I found out who she is with now. I saw pictures of the guy once and I have to admit... he seems a lot better looking then I am. The jealousy is eating me alive!! Any advice?

So one thing today i am having a hard time with is i am pretty sure i found out who she is with now. I saw pictures of the guy once and i have to admit... he seems alot better looking then i am. The jealousy is eating me alive!!!! any advice?

There you go again, letting what she is doing affect how you feel. Stop shooting yourself in the foot, and do something for yourself, like reread "what to expect when you get dumped". You are not focusing on what you need to. Sorry, but get busy, that's my advice.

So tonight, I went out on my first real date for along time. It went good. But I was really able to understand a lot more about myself. I figured out that I am not ready for dating... anyone. I realized that even though she may have moved on and found someone else... I don't need too. I realized how immature she actually was. The girl I went out with tonight, was a lot more mature about things, and even I had to change the way I acted out of memory with my ex.
Even though I may not ever date this girl, or at least not yet, it was good to feel that I still did it. I know now I feel like I may not want to be with anyone for a while. I think that was something I really had to learn tonight.
Yes it was hard cause things did remind me of my ex, but I got over it. It is really hard to not compaire, but I did my best.

So my ex did try and contact me... well she did. On Friday she sent me a text just saying hi, and how are you. Basic stuff. Then she just said. OK I am sorry I have to go bye. I was pretty weirded out how you text someone and then 4 minutes into the conversation you have to go.
I got over that one, it wasn't a bid deal.
The hardest one for me now is she decided to IM me last night. For reason's I am not to sure. She just started with a "hi" and then the same how are you. She then said, "well i am going to go bye." so I asked her to wait, I said "why do you always say hi to me and want to talk then like 2 minutes in you end up having to go." She said, "i just wanted to say hi and i know you said if we had broken up that you would always be here for me, but you woudln't want to be my friend." I said, "well it's just hard, i said that cause i didint want you to leave me." she said, "yea well maybe we shouldn't talk." I had asked why, and then she said, "so it would make it easier on us." and then she either got off and or blocked me... I don't know why this bothers me. It is what I need I know to not talk to her anymore. But I almost get afraid that she is going to really start taking me out of her life. I know if she did block me or does delete me from stuff, it will be good.
Why does this all of a sudden bother me, even though this is what I think I want and need?
Should I write her an emial asking her or telling her, that a while from now I would like to be friends? (even though I am not sure if I ever will)

Have you noticed that every time she says boo, you get confused? What part of NC are you having trouble with? Until you do it and not just say it, the same thing will keep happening. She has no answers for any question you ask. Nor would it matter if she did.

i dont know why this bothers me. it is what i need i know to not talk to her anymore. but i almost get afraid that she is going to really start taking me out of her life. I know if she did block me or does delete me from stuff, it will be good.
Why does this all of a sudden bother me, even though this is what i think i want and need?
Should i write her an emial asking her or telling her, that a while from now i would like to be friends? (even though i am not sure if i ever will)

I know exactly what you are going through emotionally. With your ex-girlfriend completely removing you from your life all of a sudden (by blocking you from MSN/AOL or removing you from MySpace and Facebook) you feel like she is truly slipping away and you will never have another chance. In my opinion part of the problem is that you are using No Contact with the hopes of getting her back. Now that you see that this isn't happening you are beginning to worry that you are making the wrong choices.

Because of this line of thinking now you are also contemplating contacting her, letting her know that in the future you would like to be friends. However, be honest with yourself, you're only doing it because you want to keep the door open for a relationship. I've gone through the same thing recently and it's a horrible feeling.

The only thing you can do is let go and return to strict No Contact, and use this as a way to heal and nothing else. Your ex-girlfriend is definitely beginning to remove you entirely from her life, but in return you should be doing the same thing. But don't let this bother you too much, I know it hurts, but it's something you just need to accept.

Listen my friend, the door to your ex-girlfriends life is closing and no matter how hard you try to keep it open it will eventually close shut. This doesn't mean the door will stay closed forever. Someday it may indeed re-open. If a person truly cares for you then they will come back even if you are no longer on their MSN or MySpace.

But don't sit there waiting for her to open the door again. If you pay attention, you'll notice that once that particular door closes another one will open right next to you. Why don't you take a look inside? You might like what you find.

That is a great way of seeing it!

Yea, I am pretty sure that you are right. No matter what. I know for fact that I am ready to take her out of my life... but I guess your right. I did it out of hopes of her returning. I am starting to see life differently. I guess a lot of it is I am afraid of closing that door, and when I turn around there is no other door to open yet.

I think honestly it is time for me to just let go. You know she has played with my head for so long, that honestly I should hate her... I should not want to have anything to do with her. But I guess I just have to accept and try and make my life the way I want it. Instead of revolving it all around her.

Spring break is coming for me, and am supposed to go to my home town again. This usually would be something to be excited about, but honestly I am quite nervous. My ex whom broke up with me almost a month and half ago still goes to school there.

I am really nervous about the possibility of seeing her again. Every time I had gone home in the past we ended up seeing each other and getting back together. This time is a lot different. This will be possibly my last time ever going home. I do have a few friends to hang out with, but most of them are going to be super busy during the day. So I will be alone.

Some reason even now, I still have a hard time dealing with my own alone time. I feel like that because right now she had gotten back together with her ex... again. For some reason I feel that because she is off with some guy being happy... that I should be busy being happier. If I am just sitting around watching TV or playing video games, that it makes me a looser.

I have been trying really hard to get into shape, and it is slowly working. I realized that it takes time. I had always hoped I guess in the back of my mind to make her really jealous.

For some reason throughout this break up I feel like I should be the one to come out on top. But I am still single, with no one even close to starting a relationship with. I really don't want one, but at times it would be nice. I feel like I should be happier then her. She was the one who constantly messed up. I was the one who forgave her over and over again when we got back together almost 6 times.

I don't know what my direct questions are right now... but that is how I am feeling at this point. So what do I do? How will I learn to be able to be comfortable with being alone? Being in the same town without the fear of having to look amazing just in case she see's me. How do I become the bigger man, and just let go?

When we let what can happen, or what may happen, control what we want to do, we will never do anything, So you may see her, wave, say hi and go about your business,

And so you may be a loser, does not mean you can't go and do what you want, letting what can happen control what you do or want to do certainly does not make you a winner.

You could use a little help with your own self image, as you seem to have it tied to being in a relationship. Love yourself, and be happy with who you are, and life falls in to place. Go home and enjoy seeing old faces and places, again.

I face the same problem... my ex will be home soon too, but I don't want to see her, even if she asks (which I doubt) I don't want to see her.

Its only been a month and a half for you, and you shouldn't even worry about seeing her, if she wants to see you, then let her call and beg and whatever... I wouldn't want to see her. And don't think you should be better off than her, if she is already in a relationship with someone else instead of reflecting and learning from her mistakes then you already are the bigger man, and doing better. She may be happy now... but things will catch up to her. A rebound is hardly the right way to ease the pain of a break-up, although some rebounds work out (or so I hear).

Try not to stress about it, she's not in your life anymore, so she shouldn't still have this kind of control over you.

That is a great way of understanding it. I do need to see myself in a greater way. I honestly don't know why I play the game of who is doing better and what not.
I had lost all since of what I thought was happiness in my life, but it is coming back.
I have been completely amazed with how much progress I have made in my life just over the last few weeks. I know that I don't want to be in that kind of relationship again.
I am trying to turn myself into the best man I can be, but I feel like I have to get in shape, work out, loose weight (mostly work on my aperences) to do that. Before we were dating I was so confident in my life. Everything was going my way. I would do anything to have it like that again.

All right so many people have heard of them... The guys or girls who act like the, "professional daters." Right when someone breaks up with them they take off and jump into a new relationship with in the next few hours. Basically acting like the past relationship never exist and they seem and act "so happy!"

I can't figure out how people can do this?

I mean I know a girl who I don't think has been single for a month of her life for the past 4 years... How can she do that?

I feel like when I end any type of relationship I need to take time to learn about myself... before I can jump in with someone new.

Don't you feel it is fair for someone to at least take a break in between relationships for just fairness to the other person?

How can you be comfortable being with someone, and then the next day having someone completely different in your life? Does anyone think of this as something good/bad?

Doesn't this cause an psychological harm to the person? Or show something about themselves like needyness?

I guess I am just wondering... how come some people can do this? And others can't? Is it just because of looks?

I think the right thing to do is to take time to reflect and learn from the relationship... though people jump from person to person because they are insecure/feel incomplete. Its sad that people think that they are nobody if they don't have a significant other.

They also jump into a new one because they miss the feeling of someone wanting/needing them. And yes, this does show a lot of neediness... although they don't realize it.

I heard somewhere on this site that in order to have a truly successful relationship you must be happy and content alone. And from there you can continue to be that person in a relationship while compromising and whatnot... or something...

That is a very good point!

I can even say that I completely agree with it. It does show neediness in a person. I think you really need to know who you are in general.

Could it be that people get so caught up with all this, that they don't even know who they are anymore with out someone? I Just think it sucks for the people who truly do deserve someone in their lives, and can't.

The fact that you and ihatewestseneca agree doesn't address your main question: "how can some people do this?"

People do what makes things easiest for themselves. Period. That's it. For you, that means a time of introspection after a breakup. I applaud that and would probably do that, too.

For her, though, she feels no need or sees no purpose in that and gets right back out there, perhaps within hours. It is completely unfair for you to think ill of her simply because she "deals" differently than you. Questioning her phsychological mien because it is so different from yours is the definition of unfair. It's different because it is. It just is.

And for what it's worth, you better figure out NOW that women... heck just people in general... are all wired differently. As you search for a life-mate, falling in love will be the EASY part. One of the hard parts will be finding someone whom you can put up with in terms of how their wiring is different from yours. It is SOOOO tempting in close relationships to try and rewire your mate or punish them for their uniqueness.

It's a mature man who suppresses that and ENJOYS the difference in wiring.

Some people can adjust ,and move on a lot faster than others, so its not a big deal to them. That doesn't make them wrong, just different. Some of us need time, to make that adjustment before we can move on to other things, which is just as fine. Know what you need, and how to get it, and don't take the actions of others so personally, that it affects yourself esteem, or attacks your feeling of self security. Focus more on you, and less on them, and their actions, as there are many people in this world, who will just freak you out by the way they live, or act.

Those both are really good points! I guess I never really bothered to look at it that way. As people being wired differently.

Most of the time people would just tell me things like. "well it is because they are insecure... or blah blah" things kind of like that. I guess I never really put it all together for it being the purpose of just being different.

I guess just focusing on the bad, made me always feel like I was a step higher then them by doing the right thing. But Talaniman is right for sure... I guess just the fact that it is different doesn't mean that they are bad people. Thanks

So my ex and I have been on and off for like 2 years. I am in a much better place now, and happy without her. She had seen me when I went home during Spring Break and was amazed on how much better I looked, and how much better in shape I was. (yes, I had changed my style and started a much healthier life style).

She had started a new relationship with a guy while I was at home. Spring break was the last time I was going to ever go to that town again, for I am transferring schools, and my parents just moved.

Well all of a sudden during the last two days she has been texting me a bunch saying how much she misses me and how much she wants to be with me. I told her I didn't want to do the long distance anymore, because it would be worse, and I just want to be happy. She was declairing her love to me, and how much better I am now. Is this just because she saw me again? Saw how much I had changed for the better?

So whenever her new boyfriend comes along she can't text anymore and I say goodbye, but usually later in the day, or the next morning she texts me with the same things. I finally told her I didn't want to get back toegther cause I want to be with someone I can be around and trust all the time.

She said she was hurt, but still loved me, and wanted to still continue to talk and remain good friends. Is this something I should do? I don't like hurting people or blowing people off cause they do it to me all the time.

Hun your happy the way you are without her,you have moved on from that part of your life and she has moved on also and how would her boyfriend feel about you texing her?
If I was you I wouldn't tex back

And yes I think its just because she seen how much you've changed

Don't tex back your just giving her false hope even when you've told her you don't want her back she will get hope from the texis [START NO CONTACT AGAIN]

Your relationship is in the past and that's were your ex should stay in the past

Is this something I should do? I don't like hurting people or blowing people off cause they do it to me all the time.

Does that have to mean you can't tell her the truth, and then back it up with action? You do realise she is asking you to maybe cheat on her new b/f. Everything about this is just not healthy and NO CONTACT, keeps you out of trouble and chaos, and confusion. That's not just blowing someone off. If you think it is, just be honest, and tell her to leave you alone, without sugarcoating it, and being nice.

If she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't have a current Boyfriend , and if she's willing to emotionally cheat on him at the moment with you that says something about her character or lack there of.

I agree with everyone. I just think it is so stupid just because she has seen me that she feels she needs to come and throw all her stuff on me.

She has a new boyfriend. Why is she wnating to come back to me? She claims "oh i can't let go and never will!" well if you can't let go, why are you already with someone new?

i agree with everyone. I just think it is so stupid just because she has seen me that she feels she needs to come and throw all her stuff on me.?

Well don't let her. Her stuff , her problem.


She has a new boyfriend. why is she wnating to come back to me? She claims "oh i can't let go and never will!" well if you can't let go, why are you already with someone new?

Correct.
You've moved on to a better place and probably after a lot of suffering. Don't go back to square one.

If she is going to use you because of your newer lifestyle then I'd say forget her.

She has a new boyfriend. Why is she wnating to come back to me? She claims "oh i can't let go and never will!" well if you can't let go, why are you already with someone new?
Often we see things in our exes that make us go hmmm! You have asked a very good question. She is full of crap, and doesn't really know what she wants. Translation, one confused person, who doesn't get it, yet.

So I found this girl that I really like, and she really likes me back. The only problem is she has a boyfriend. She has been telling me that soon she is going to decide what she wants. She claims that she would rather be with me by almost 90%, but is really confused because I am transferring schools.

She believes that she can deal with the distance, but she is waiting to know if I am going to get accepted to that school or not before she dumps her current boyfriend. They have only been dating a few weeks.

She tells me she really cares about me, but every time I stand up for myself and say I am tired of waiting, she just tells me, "ok don't want we won't be together." or something like that.

If we do end up getting together I am planning on changing my summer plans so I can spend more time around her, rather then back at home with my parents. THe only problem is summer is a month away, and time is very crucial. I tried telling her this, the only response I get back is "i know."

How do I live my life, but still wait around for her? I am trying to continue and act interested, but I find the more I talk/text her the more I get my hopes on this working out. Something she will text me first or I will text her. How do I manage all this by keeping my distance in case she stays with her boyfriend? How do I act like this while still tryint to show some interest?

Tell her that you will be available when she is.

Honestly I never thought I'd be on here again talking about my ex anymore. Hopefully this is the last time.

My ex and I had broken up many times over the last 2 years. She had always left me, saying she couldn't deal with a long distance relationship, or there was someone else in her life. She is still in high school, I am in college.

So over the last 2 weeks she started texting me again saying that she wanted to work things out, I didn't really care too much in the beginning because she still had a boyfriend whom she just started being with, plus she always did this so I thought I'd just wait it out. She then claimed that she was going to come down and see me on my birthday. (which is about a 300 mile drive). I had told her that the only way I'd ever get back together with her was if she showed up at my door step (thinking she never actually would). So I was kind of getting excited about it, so I decided to keep talking to her and if she actually showed up, to try and work things out with her.

The problem was she still had her boyfriend the entire time. So everyday she wouldn't be able to talk when she was around him, or when she was still at school. She would blow me off everyday no matter what it was I needed, or asked of her. She would still read my texts, but just not reply cause of certain people being around. I felt like I was always being blown off. Then when she would reply to me they would always be simple one worded texts like, "yes, no, IDK, Yea, sorry." It got extremely annoying. I tried telling her about this several nights in a row. She always said she was sorry and that she would be able to talk more later.

Once I would bring up my feelings and ask her how she felt, she would just say, "busy, i will later." even though I woud offer to let her go since she was so busy, but she always said no.

Last night I got tired or putting up with this, cause not only did I feel she was cheating behind her boyfriends back with me, she would never make up her mind on who she actually wanted to be with. I waited around and got blown off constantly for about a week and a half. She would only text me around her schedule. When she did have time she would claim that she loved me and wanted to be with me. But when I asked her who she wanted to be with more, or if she was going to leave her current boyfriend she just said IDK.

I have been forgiving this girl for a year now. I have never done anything wrong to ever hurt her, or wrong the relationship, it was always her. Yes, I did make things hard at some point, but I never did anything bad. Last night I told her that it wasn't going to work, because I got so tired of being blown off and treated badly. (for the last hour she wouldn't even tell me what her and her friends were doing, always saying "IDK, something." I told her that I would always love her and that I was sorry. She never replied.

Now I am neverous... what if she still does show up for my birthday? Every time I tried to tell this girl how I felt she just stormed off and wouldn't text back. I do love all the memories we shared together, but some reason I feel like I was a bad person for not believing in her when she was about to do something so huge for me.

You should just move on and forget about this girl. I know its hard, but if she really loved you and 'wanted to be with you' then why isn't she with you? Instead she's with another guy, and on top of this she's going behind this guys back telling you she loves you and wants to be with you instead.. what does that say about her? You did the right thing by telling her its not going to work, but I don't know what you had to be sorry about? Telling her you'll always love her may cause her to think you'll always be there for her anyway and is not entirely losing you - therefore, she won't know what she's losing. You said she always left you over the last two years, wouldn't you rather be upset and move on and with time you'll heal, than be upset over and over again every time she ends it causing you to go back to square 1 each time? You want a girl who is keen and appreciates being with you, loyal and secure - this girl doesn't seem like any of those.

You clearly love this woman. No I don't think you made the right decision.

This is one of the reasons I don't advise someone start a long distance relationship. Yes, some long distance relationships have happy endings but the majority of them do not.

Long distance relationship is temporary phase of a relationship the goal is to eventually close that distance. You are in college she is still in high school living with her parents. I don't think she is mature enough to handle a long distance relationship. This is why she started another relationship with someone else, she may not love this person but it's someone to spend time with.

Now, she is coming over for your birthday for what?

Your in college there are some many smart, attractive women available to date. Tell your ex-girlfriend not to come, break up on good terms. Get your mind right and then date the woman in your area.

If your ex-girlfriend decides that she is ready to come attend a college in your area. If you two happened to meet you it will be up to you to revive this dead relationship.

You guys are to young for all this drama.

You should just move on and forget about this girl. I know its hard, but if she really loved you and 'wanted to be with you' then why isn't she with you? Instead she's with another guy, and on top of this she's going behind this guys back telling you she loves you and wants to be with you instead.. what does that say about her? You did the right thing by telling her its not going to work, but I don't know what you had to be sorry about? Telling her you'll always love her may cause her to think you'll always be there for her anyway and is not entirely losing you - therefore, she won't know what she's losing. You said she always left you over the last two years, wouldn't you rather be upset and move on and with time you'll heal, than be upset over and over again every time she ends it causing you to go back to square 1 each time? You want a girl who is keen and appreciates being with you, loyal and secure - this girl doesn't seem like any of those.

I think you should try -- hard -- to put her out of your mind. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you. You shouldn't be trying to figure out what she's doing every second. She probably believed that she would show up at your door--in a romantic flight of fantasy--but I suspect she's not going to show up. If she does, decide then what you want to do. But you need to stop trying to second guess her intentions. You are clearly not getting what you want or need and she seems like she's just stringing you along from what you say. Maybe her current boyfriend makes her feel unimportant so she's looking to you to make her feel better. Who knows? You are young. College is a great place to look for a partner. Look for someone who is more able to commit. And you should likewise commit yourself to one person at a time, or you'll end up back in a situation like this one...

Asking

She sounds like she is stringing you along just to comfort her as a back up rebound plan B IF they ever did break up. Get on with your life. If she comes for your birthday it will only give you false hopes.
If she can't get time in to say more than yes, no, IDK
Then IDK how she figures she is going to be able to get away long enough to come to your birthday.

Sooner or latter, you'll get mighty sick of her BS.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2674568'

This has been going on a long time.

This girl and I have been in each others lives for the last 2 years. We were dating for a good solid year of it. A year ago (sunday actually) we had broken up. This was a long distance relationship, and we got used to dealing with each other over the phone and seeing one another at least every month.
Well since then we have been together and broken up many times. Recently she came down to see my for my birthday, which we managed hooking up and she cheated on her boyfriend. She claimed she told him, and that he was OK with it, cause he knew she still loved him. She has been claiming during this entire time that she was going to leave him, and that we would get back together. I have been waiting for about a month now.

The long distance between us both is never going to seem to change. At least not for another year. We have been trying to plan out getting back together, but this summer I will not see her at all.

Last night she claimed she was going over to a friends house. Which was already pretty late for even her to be going somewhere. I told her it was cool, just let me know what she was doing. Then right as she managed to pick up her friend, she stopped reply to my texts. About an hour later I get a reply saying, "im sorry my phone wasn't working." I was already pretty upset at this point, because this isn't the first time her phone has done this when she was with her friends, plus earlier today she was already acting weird. I asked her to do me a favor and take a picture of her with her friend to help me calm down. She said she was already home, when no less then 4 minutes before she had sent me a text saying she was still at her house. Does anything there seem fishy to anyone else?

The fact that she went out and cheated on her current boyfriend, and basically with me... doesn't say anything for her, but I am so stunned that she actually did. I thought she really was going to change after she drove 400 miles to come see me on my birthday.

I am so tired of jumping through hoops for this girl trying to show her that I want to be with her. I worry about her a lot, even though we aren't dating. Unfortunitly I have no trust for her what so ever. I try too. There are some days where she seems so interested in me, but even today she just doesn't. Honestly I thought things were going to change with her. Do people ever change? She is a girl who is known for sleeping around easily. I am just scared of letting her go after 2 years in each others lives. She has been the most important person, how do I let that go? What should I end up telling her? Every time I mention something on how I feel or stand up for myself, she just screams or says I need to get off the phone, bye. She is the type of person who runs away from her problems and doesn't talk them out. What do I do to get my life back after this entire year of suffering? I'm 20, and I'm scared I won't meet anyone else.

This is a bit of a short answer, maybe someone else will go more in depth with you. But these are my first reactions:

First: "The fact that she went out and cheated on her current boyfriend, and basically with me... doesn't say anything for her, but i am so stunned that she actually did. i thought she really was going to change after she drove 400 miles to come see me on my birthday."

If she cheated on her boyfriend with you, you are about as guilty as she is. If you didn't think it was something she should have done, you shouldn't have conspired in her cheating. But no, you slept with her because you could get what you wanted that way. Don't beat around the bush.

Second of all, seems like maybe you two just aren't that compatible. You can't fix another person, only provide support and hope they want to help themselves. Doing a lot of stuff for another person just because you want to be with them usually isn't a good idea. If you do stuff for another person, it should be because you care about them and want them to be happier and healthier, whether you ever get to be with them. If you can't separate those things, maybe just tell her you need some distance for awhile...

In the meantime, make an effort to meet other people. It may not be easy, but it's certainly possible

Yea, your right. I do feel pretty guilty about it all.

I did try and do things to make myself happier. I wanted to be happy with her. The only problem is I feel that the only was I going to be happy about life... was if I was with her, and I know that is wrong. One thing I do realize now... I am ready to feel better. After running around forgiving her for everything she has every done to me, I am tired of it. I never got stand up for myself. I want to now, but the risk seems so great.

So I ended up telling her I needed my space. I just don't understand why she got into the funk of treating me so badly. I didn't do anything to her.

Read my post the "Ah ha moment". I think that will solve your issue. You fall into one of those categories.

I will be moving in the next 2 days. I am going to be spending the summer in Hawaii with my parents for 3 months. (they moved there). I am 20 years old. Everyone says that I should be completely happy and excited. Well for some reason I'm not as excited as I should be.

I had this ex in my life who always played games with me. She is now 17. She came down saw me for my birthday and happened to cheat on her boyfriend at the time with me. She claimed she was going to break up with her boyfriend cause she wanted to be with me. So I believed her. She led me on for about 2 weeks and nothing happened. She just said, "I dont know yet." I finally told her I wasn't waiting around, plus she started to treat me badly. So I didn't talk to her for a few days.

Today I find out that she has broken up with him, but she did cause she likes a guy who is 19. I know this may sound selfish and mean, but I am really mad at her for it. Yea we were together and it was a few years a part, but we were also together for a lot longer, before I was even 18 we started dating.

Obviously you can see its been a long time. Unfortunitly she and I will never actually live in the same town, so I basically told her there was no hope for us anymore. We had done the long distance relationship for over a year.

So this whole thing with the new guy has been making me so upset. All my dreams that I felt of happening with us, I can now see happening with her new guy. How should I view this? WHy can she have someone and be happy and I can't?

I have been trying to move on for a long time now. I decided today to go through with no contact for a long time. It just hurts for me to find these things out. I mean why him? I want to text her to convince her not to, but I don't want to know anything else. What do I do?

I will be living somewhere completely new, so I am even more afraid about never finding anyone new. That she will always have someone and I will be left single. I really want to be happy again with what I do have. This is the only issues I have in my life. I won't ever see her again, I am transferring to a new school this fall. What do I do? How can I make my mind come to terms with it all?

I know I for one feel guilty about telling off my ex. Does anyone else?
How do you cope with it?
Do you feel you still made the best choice?

I for one am having a hard time dealing with it. Today I finally had to tell of my ex. She and I had been running in circles for a full year. She would always have other boyfriends and then when they wouldn't work she would try to talk to me.

Well today she was hanging out with 2 of my old best friends. (I no longer live in this town). She was texting me and I finally just for comfortable talking to her casually. I was upset. These friends had hated her while we are dating... now they are all hanging out. They told me I was over reacting... which I know I was in a lot of ways. These 2 friends had turned into total druggies. She was hanging out with them so I had told her, "if you start doing the things they do i will loose all respect for you." Then I get a reply telling me she already did earlier that day. She texts me a few minutes later saying "oh i am sorry that was Manny, he got ahold of my phone." I didn't reply.

About an hour later I finally did. She claims that she hadn't gotten high with them. I personally do not like drugs. I told her that it was time for us to both move on... she said no, and so I tried to make it a good break off. I told her I would always care for her, but I didin't feel like spending another year in pain. I never did anything bad to her, she just strung me along...

I now feel guilty because she feels that I betrayed her. I never meant to make her sad. Did I make a mistake?

You absolutely DID NOT make a mistake. Don't feel guilty because SHE says you betrayed her. You would be betraying YOURSELF, if you did not follow your gut feeling and your morals.

By making a clean break, you are doing her a favour. She needs to learn who she can trust, and who she can't, so she needs to go through it to experience it. The druggies will betray her in worse ways than you probably ever would. Let her learn that lesson!

Don't play the guilt game with her, and don't let her play it with you! Young girls will do this to manipulate boys. Stand your ground, and wish her well. Everyone will respect you more for doing that, and you won't put yourself in the line of fire, to be hurt even more.

The only mistake is allowing someone else to put YOU on the defensive because of THEIR feelings. Ridiculousness.

You are required to be honest with your friends, even ex-girlfriends.

You are not required to protect them from the consequences of their own choices. One consequence of joining an "off crowd" is "good guys" walk away from you at that point. If that makes them sad, they can stop.

But she won't. She just wants you to feel bad and not punish her, which puts the punishment on YOU. Dumb, dumb, dumb if you fall for that.

Sounds like you aren't.

No, you shouldn't feel guilty, she is the one who betrayed you. I am with you on the stance of drugs, waste of time. If the girl I was dating was doing them, I would toss them aside without a second thought. Drugs ruin peoples lives, don't even bother with them. You did what you felt you needed to do, and in my eyes, it was the right thing to do.

Thanks, its good to have the comfort. I guess it's hard closing this door and waiting for another one to open.

I don't like hurting people or having people dis-like me. It is in just my personality. My friends and family say, "i care to much about people." She was a big part of my life... now I feel like I just tossed it away.

Caring about people and their feelings is a good quality! However, take it from me, some people will take huge advantage of that, and you will be hurt. Be kind and caring, but also be smart and cautious with "taking care" and helping people. Believe me, you don't want to learn that lesson the hard way. If you get burned, the tables could turn, and it could make you cold hearted. I know that isn't how you want to be.

I know I have been taken advantage of it before. She always used my niceness to go off and do what she wants and come crawling back to me. Now for once when I stand up for myself, I am sitting around looking like I am a jerk, who is "over reacting" or "betrayed" her.

All my old friends now hang out and agree with her... I didn't do anything wrong, yet I seem to be the one paying for it.

That is usually the way it goes unfortunately. It's the nice guys finish last syndrome. It's not true in all cases, but some people can see nice guys coming from a mile away, and they take advantage. Be nice, just not guilable. There are a lot of people out there that see a meal ticket, and run with it! I think, although I'm sure it hurts, that you are a lot better off without her. When your gut tells you something, it is always best to go with that feeling. Don't worry about what they think of you. You are the better person. :)

Yea.. I mean I did find out that I wasn't the one that was causing here to feel "betrayed" but I think this answers my question that everyone has asked me if the people that are the "dumper" feel sad and miss their ex...

Yes I believe they do! YEs everyone deals with things in their own ways... but I believe that they do feel bad. It is never fun hurting someone who you cared a lot about at one point... break up hurts both sides of the story...

Take a look at this if you get a chance. I have had it written down for quite awhile now, and I sometimes need to read it over and over, just to remember things I sometimes forget to think of.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/rules-live-223031.html

I now feel guilty because she feels that I betrayed her.
She lied. She betrayed your trust.


I never meant to make her sad. Did I make a mistake?

It was no mistake, and she isn't sad, she is mad because you refuse to play her games, and that gets my respect for you.

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/curlyben.html)Curlyben (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/curlyben.html) agrees: Congrats on making AMHD's 1,000,000 post !!!
(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/curlyben.html)RickJ (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/rickj.html) agrees: Excellent answer - a fine one for the millionth post! :)

(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/curlyben.html)

Wow thanks, but aren't you supposed to ring the door bell with a big old check, and a van full of cash??

Wow thanks, but aren't you supposed to ring the door bell with a big old check, and a van full of cash???????
The silence is deafening!! :confused:

I know i for one feel guilty about telling off my ex. Does anyone else?
How do you cope with it?
Do you feel you still made the best choice?

I for one am having a hard time dealing with it. Today i finally had to tell of my ex. She and i had been running in circles for a full year. She would always have other boyfriends and then when they wouldn't work she would try to talk to me.

Well today she was hanging out with 2 of my old best friends. (i no longer live in this town). She was texting me and i finally just for comfortable talking to her casually. I was upset. These friends had hated her while we are dating... now they are all hanging out. They told me i was over reacting.... which i know i was in alot of ways. These 2 friends had turned into total druggies. She was hanging out with them so i had told her, "if you start doing the things they do i will loose all respect for you." Then i get a reply telling me she already did earlier that day. She texts me a few minutes later saying "oh i am sorry that was Manny, he got ahold of my phone." i didn't reply.

About an hour later i finally did. she claims that she hadn't gotten high with them. I personally do not like drugs. I told her that it was time for us to both move on... she said no, and so i tried to make it a good break off. i told her i would always care for her, but i didin't feel like spending another year in pain. I never did anything bad to her, she just strung me along...

I now feel guilty because she feels that i betrayed her. I never ment to make her sad. Did i make a mistake?
No u did the right thing and of course your going to feel bad about hurting some one that you care about... but in the long run it might have helped her, because if she's afriad of losing you then she won't do those things!

There is a theme I notice in situations like this.

Many guys (myself included, so don't take offense) get involved in their first relationship with a girl and allow this girl to become their everything. The girl takes basically complete control over the guys life, whether they want to or not. The guy gives everything he has and tries his best to keep her happy, forever and always.

A byproduct of this seems to be that the girl almost has the guy "brainwashed". I can tell you from experience that my ex was able to make me believe that things were my fault that NO BODY else believed, but somehow, after years of work, she was able to get me think how she wanted me to.

Now that sounds very manipulative, and I don't know if that is their intention, but it seems to happen to enough people for it to be considered.

What made me think of this was your suggestion that you feel bad as she told you that she felt betrayed. After time, she knows how to work you, she knows what to do and say to make you feel guilty, and she will use it against you.

It's tough the first time through, but after your first breakup, you should be able to recognize the signs and avoid this sort of manipulation in the future...

Am I way off here, or does anyone see any truth to this?

Your dead on. That's actually the way it works when you invest too much into the another person, and forget about yourself. Even if they are the one, and love your funky draws with dedication, not loving yourself, will yield the same results, loss of self, and unable to be happy with yourself, without them.

There is a theme I notice in situations like this.

Many guys (myself included, so don't take offense) get involved in their first relationship with a girl and allow this girl to become their everything. The girl takes basically complete control over the guys life, whether they want to or not. The guy gives everything he has and tries his best to keep her happy, forever and always.

A byproduct of this seems to be that the girl almost has the guy "brainwashed". I can tell you from experience that my ex was able to make me believe that things were my fault that NO BODY else believed, but somehow, after years of work, she was able to get me think how she wanted me to.

Now that sounds very manipulative, and I don't know if that is their intention, but it seems to happen to enough people for it to be considered.

What made me think of this was your suggestion that you feel bad as she told you that she felt betrayed. After time, she knows how to work you, she knows what to do and say to make you feel guilty, and she will use it against you.

It's tough the first time through, but after your first breakup, you should be able to recognize the signs and avoid this sort of manipulation in the future....

Am I way off here, or does anyone see any truth to this?

I totally agree Biggie, but lets don't make this gender specific. I know you were referring to your relationship, but it sure works the other way around a lot too. I guess now I'm referring to my relationships, but I sure haven't met too many guys like you, or Tal, or Sneezy... etc. Maybe it's location, location, location, LOL! j/k. I tell you though, I sure don't know many men that haven't cheated, abused, or controlled their g/f/wives. It's sad. I certainly don't mean to put "all men" in that category, just my experience. :( I agree that there are more and more women all the time, that give some of us good ones a bad name also!

The silence is deafening!!!!:confused:

Well it looks like I'm the only one that applied for the job Tal. Does that mean I have it?? :p LOL! :cool:

Sorry Starby, didn't mean that to be biased.

I guess I was thinking with my relationship in mind, that's why it came across that way. I guess the way it should be put is that the opposites of the people who end up here at AMHD tend to do this :)

Well it looks like I'm the only one that applied for the job Tal. Does that mean I have it?? :p LOL! :cool:
Sure, but you don't get paid until RickJ, shows up in a big ole van.

Warning: pint sized terrorists lurking in the area.

She lied. She betrayed your trust.


It was no mistake, and she isn't sad, she is mad because you refuse to play her games, and that gets my respect for you.



Tal, "CONGRATULATIONS" on making the 1,000,000 post! :p I tried to rate answer earlier when you were first notified about it but it said I had to share with others first.

Loved this post. You are dead on. It isn't easy to take a stand sometimes but I respect him for doing so also.

My ex and I do not live in the same state... currently I am living 2000 miles away from her... soon the best I can do is be 300 miles away. She will text me almost once a week saying how much she misses me and wants to be with me. I alwas tell her that I want to be back with her, but to her she just doesn't want to do it because of the distance. She will go back and forth and say she still wants to be with me.
I am not going to go back to living in the same town with her because I have no reason too. She has done a lot to hurt me. I want to let go, and just not talk to her anymore, but I don't want to hurt her. I am also scared of not having her in my life anymore. I have been a lot more confident over the months of not having her around. I do miss her from time to time, but I need to decide on something to do. What do I tell her? I am tired of her leading me on saying things that she loves me every week. THen once she has something to do she won't talk to me. Any suggestions on what I should do?

Love is also an action word. Since you feel you don't deserve what your getting and your very much apart, it should be a lot easier for you to move on. Say your goodbye piece and stand firm on it. Keep all the contacts off. Change numbers, delete her number, don't respond.

Given the good advise you have given others, you can follow your own advice and be okay!

Why are you still listening to her, knowing there is no going back??

HINT-Starts with NO... and ends in... CONTACT!

[QUOTE=talaniman]Given the good advise you have given others, you can follow your own advice and be okay! QUOTE]

Doctors can't even cure themselves.

I agree. Should I tell her that we can't talk and can't be together anymore? Or do I just not talk to her anymore in general and never say a thing?
I have tried to tell her once before that I think we shouldn't talk anymore, or anything, she just makes me feel like a bad person and gets upset with me. Not that I blame her. But it keeps e back from doing what I say.

Honey, get real. This has no future and you know it. You liked/loved her once and changed your mind, so what.You just don't see a future with her or in any town nearer to her. That's life.

Think a moment, if the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you want to be respected enough to have her be truthful and tell you it's over. So stop being a chicken - do what you have to do and get on with your life while also giving her a chance to start a new chapter in her's.

You have no control over what she will do after that and should not feel guilty. She is an adult and in charge of her life, and she will take measures to accept the rejection and start her healing process. But this can only happen if you are straight and end it properly

We all make mistakes and learn from them... so now it's time you learn to be upfront and not fearful of hurting feelings - it happens to all of us.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Why is she doing this?
A- because you let her!

I think I just told another poster, to love himself more than he loved her and never let someone steamroll over you, just because you have feelings for them.

She may well be upset with you but, what's more important at this time, her being upset, or you healing, and moving on? Disappear from her life, and stop talking to her in any form, and let her be mad, and get over it. You must heal, and get over her. YOU COME FIRST!

If she wants someone to talk to, she has girlfriends!

No thinking needed Tal, you did because I just was on that post ha ha. But once again, you have hit the nail on the head.

If you don't think you are getting what you deserve from someone, then let it go. You know it won't work, so just push her out of your life, let it die.

I had a boy friend like that and I would feel so happy to hear from him and then heart broke soon afterwards. He was just leading me on for who knows what reason but I thought it was very cruel. Eventually I couldn't deal with the games anymore and I lied to him and told him I found someone else, who made me happier than he ever did. He never called me again.

I decided after having a somewhat clear head to get back my once deleted myspace and face my fears head on. I am talking to my Ex again, and I still have some feelings for her, but I am all right with that.
How can I stay friends with her while not getting to close?
She had texted me and gave me comments just joking around, yes we said we missed one another, but what do I do now?
Last text I had heard from her she was at a movie (I am guessing with another guy). I am just ready to accept things the way they are. I miss her, but I don't want to respark things, but I also don't want to see things on her profile that could get me upset.
What type of barriers should I set up?
I had gone without talking to her, and it was just hard in general because we both still knew we wanted to know more about what was going on in one anothers lives.
Any advice?
Thanks everyone

It doesn't sound like you're all right with having feelings for her still. It sounds like you want to get rid of those feelings or you wish things would be different. You should probably give yourself some time without her. Do your own thing and don't worry yourself with her and what she's doing. And if she's going to make you upset by what's on her profile then you need to not look at it. You should distance yourself from her for a little while and get over that " I don't want to be without her" phase. Sometimes it's that we want something sooo badly but we can't make them want us. We can't control the situation and it makes us want it even more. Good Luck to You!

I am going to try my best not to look, I just want everything to be at rest

If you still have feelings, it's best to stay away from the myspace. That place is the devil of all break ups, all it does is make you suspect every little comment or bulletin. I went 5 months without looking at my exes if that helps

If you want this all to go away and take care of itself then you need to let her alone. And make it clear to her as well. But you have to follow through with it. If not you'll just be hurting yourself.

This one girl that I really like claims that she really likes me back. We have gone a couple of months doing this, and quite frankly I am getting tired of it. She will text me saying she really wants to be with me. I agree and start talking to her about what it would take for us to be together. (Because I will not see her or quite some time because of where I currently live, at most 2 months).
Every time after we start telling each other how much we miss one another she always need's to go, no matter what she is doing. If she is just sitting around she claims she needs to take a nap. I ask her if she can stay up a bit longer so we can finish talking about what is going to happen, just just get's upset and says things like, " i need to take a nap i am tired and if i don't i am about to go off on you!" It usually ends with me saying. OK. And giving in. Every time we start making a choice about what is going to happen, she always has to go to sleep or can never tell me what she wants.
I am getting really tired of playing this game, and when I tell her this she thinks I am the one freaking out because all she wants to do is sleep and talk about it later.
How am I supposed to react to this with getting her to realize that I'm not doing anything wrong? That she is the one doing something wrong?

I say she is playing you.

Start ignoring her, stop letting her be so aware of how much you are into her, stop making a big deal out of her needing a nap.

Next time she says I got to go, just say, OK, I had a couple of other people to talk to anyway, see you, and sign off or hang up.

Her reaction to this type of response will give you a little more insight as to what she is really up to.

I am just getting tired of being seen as a bad guy you know? I want her to realize that she needs to talk to me and take the time to do it.
She thinks that I get annoying and am driving her crazy, just cause for once I want to figure things out...

... I say she's playing you... quite well. Things are perfect, no? You're within phone reach, but not physically close enough so that she has to commit to anything. It may as well be one of those international relationship scams... except you're not giving her money for her visa, you're giving her your affection.

I know it seems impossible, but you have to snap out of this and realize that she may not even want to be with you... and may be saying these things because she likes the attention.

As for now, be a little unavailable. Don't pick up EVERY time she calls... and if you miss her call, call her back the next day. Talk to her every once in a while... and just seem busy. Actually, BE busy. Go out with your friends and family and do the things you enjoy.

From there, she'll either try to pursue you more, or just drop you like a bad habit.. . in either case, you'll see what her true intentions are.

Yea, what usually ends up happening is she will leave me alone for about a day or so, or even a week. Then she will come back saying, "oh i saw something that reminded me of you." or saying she wants to be together, but she never seems to have the time to actually want to make things work.

If she does not have the time then don't waste your time.

SO a week from today I will be going back to my original home town. I have not been there for about half a year... so 6 months. I am going up there with some friends (who are originally from there) to go biking up at the ski hill. I am extremely nervous because there are a lot of old friends who have turned on me. And my ex girlfriend who had always been playing with my mind for the last year of my life. Plus it is their homecoming wekeend, so I don't want to run into her and her new squeeze either.

Lately I have been in a much better place. I am starting to really enjoy life, and the single life. It took me about a year to get to this place. I don't want going back to my hometown to bring all this back. I know I am going to feel all kinds of memories, and what not. But honeslty I am kind of scared. I have beeen having dreams about my ex lately, and I even wonder if I should even tell any of these people I am going up there. In ways I want to just to see what type or reaction I get out of them, or even when they see me (cause I changed a lot since they all last saw me). I don't want to have these dreams anymore, I want to be able to go up there without a care in the world, but for some reason my head is doubting me.

Any advice and help would be wonderful! Thank you!

Wow. Hmmm. I think I know how you feel. What's creating that anxiety is your focus on the people back there. It's your chance to see them after quite a while. I think you have to focus on the friends you're going to hang with. Give your loyalty to them 'cause your WITH them and not the people you may or may not see anyway.

Second thought, you may arrange to see the other guys before you go. Don't mix them up. You'll end up trying to talk to everybody.

You made plans with your friends - they deserve your attention. Just go and have fun. Try not to think about all the other BS. If you do run into them, they will see that you have lots of friends and are happy.

As for the dreams, you are probably having them because you are stressed about this situation.

First off. Thank you both for replying. I was surprised when no one had yet.

I think that going back is going to be all right. I just need to do like jjwoodhull said. Just try and focus on having fun with my friends. You both are right. There are a lot of emotions going through my head cause yes, I am nervous. I really want to have a good time without the bother of worrying about it. Unfortunately I know I will worry about it

unfortunately I know I will worry about it
Yes sir, that is your problem, worrying about things that haven't happened. I think once you actually get going, you will feel better.

I really like my ex. She claims she really likes me. When she and I are together, everything feels wonderful. The only problem is... I live about 5 hours away from her... so I can only see her every... 2 weeks at most.

Recently she and I hadn't talked for a while, I finally went back up to the town she lives in... we had seen each other.. talked... cried... and tried to make amends... We had both decided that we wanted to give it a go... For the first couple a days... it was going great. She was being really happy, showing me a lot of attention. We both seemed to be getting along great.
Now. As she goes to class she would text me a lot less. I don't get replies from her as much... and she just doesn't seem to have the same amount of time to dedicate to me that I do for her. She gets out of school... then goes to work... then when she gets off we will talk to for a bit.

What I am wondering is there a problem with me? I like being able to text her all the time. I like being able to text her whenever I want. She does, but it doesn't bother her if she can't. If she doesn't reply for a while when she is in class... I start getting worried. I will feel down until I hear from her. Lately when that happens, she shows me that everything is OK... in the past when we dated... she would blow me off... so I felt like she is doing that again sometimes too. I feel like I will text her too much. If I don't get a reply for about an hour... or something... I start wondering what is up... even though I know she is in class.

She says during her lunch break before that she would call me... during the last few days she says she can't because she has been to busy, but by the end of the day she still seems like she loves me the same.

How can I balance out this relationship without worrying about what she might be doing? How can I keep my head on straight without being worried. Any advice here will be great. I am trying ot be the best guy I can be so I don't turn her off to wanting me... but I don't want to feel worried all the time. It drains my energy, and I feel exhausted and almost depressed.

You need to recognize your are to needy, and insecure for a long distance relationship to work, and correct yourself. She is showing you how to do this, but your not listening or paying attention. Both are relationship killers.

Get a healthy life, so you have something beside jealousy, and insecurity, to share with this female.

How? By doing things that you enjoy without her, and balance your life with friends, and family, and know how to be happy and secure with who you are.

If you don't know who you are, now is a great time to find out.

I understand. I had spent so long trying to figure out who I am and trying to be happy with myself. I seriously thought that I had that all figured out.
She will reply to me at times, just saying that she is busy. I just don't want to get blown off anymore.
I get so caught up with worrying about getting cheated on. I was able at one point to balance out my life with hers... but I just don't like how sometimes... we will get absolutely no time to talk. That gets hard.

Yes, I would say both ofyou need to leave cell phones at home and study at school. Texting during class, for heavens sake, you deserve to have the cell phone taken away.

You work out internet phone to talk in the evening, or do chat on computer, it sounds like you are being way to controlling.

Think so? In some ways I do. She is just trying to be a good student in school, and I support that. I just want everything ot be OK, and not get jealous at simple things. Show her I still care about her and appreciate her... but not wanting ever second to talk to her..
How can I do that?

That's the nature of LDR's, there never is enough time for each other. That will make it hard.

I just don't want to get blown off anymore.

That was my point, she isn't blowing you off, but is busy with her own life, and so should you be. Your to needy, and need a life of your own to feel good about yourself. As it is, your negative reactions, will end this soon enough.

LDR's are hard on the most mature and committed couples.

If your just b/f and g/f, and strangers to boot, your fighting an uphill battle.

All right, well how should I act to counter this effect? How can I act to make things be OK? Not being so needy and what not?

Make your own group of friends, find things to occupy your time. Join a gym, it not only kills time but makes you feel better about yourself. You feel the need to talk all the time because you have down time, find something that fills that void and then you are going to see your relationship take on a whole new shape, as well as your life.

Can I first ask why you broke up in the first place as you refer to her as your ex.? :confused:

It sounds like you lack confidence in yourself, you sound like I did when I was about 17. You state that you "claim" she likes you, straight away your placing doubt in your mind of this.

Long distance relationships can work if both partes are committed. I feel from personla experience when you are young like yourself, it is probably best that you do not waste your time and energy on travelling that distance if you are not 100 percent sure of things, maybe you need to do some finding out about yourself.

Why did your converstion include tears, what was this over exactly? :confused:

Another thing I have learnt in love is that although somebody is not constantly showwing affection does not mean that they do not care or love you, it's the fact that they are some comfortable in their own skin that they BELIEVE you love them and feel that they do not need to constantly show it. Also if love is SHOWN by hugs, kisses etc all the time then it takes away the true importance of those emotions.

If you were to text less, I know this is hard because you probably at a point in your life of needing constant reassurance and love, she would text you.

It sounds like she is trying to live her life and better herself by still going to school and fund herself by working, you sound like you have a very special girl, but I honestly feel that through no fault of your own, you may drive her away. We are all creatures of our own childhood and emotions and sitautions created. Maybe it is time for you to do some soul searching. Maybe try some CBT training you can do this oneline. It is a programme that helps you understand that your thoughts play a masive part in the way we act and therefore how our lives/realtionships end: up.MoodGYM: Welcome (http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome)

You sound like you have a low self esteem, which I understand is not easy to get over. It is not healthy or cheap to text all the time and like I said takes away the specialness of your thoughts.

You sound as though you need some other interest in your life also, maybe a hobbie or a club, do something you have never done before, but something for YOU not your lady.

I do not think she probably blew you off in the past maybe she wanted to be able to have the time for herself, like you need to. It will not be easy to change your though process about things, but it is a start.

When I was young I would have a screaming fit if my partner wanted to go out, and in the end they resent you and will lie and the reationship will breakdown, it is not healthy. The problem lies in your hands and you need to get mentally chilled.

You need to make the decision to either continue in the relationship but tell her honestly about your issues and that you know that feeling and thinking like that is not normal, and you want to get help. If she is worth it she will stick around.

Or

FOCUS ON YOU, go out there travel, live learn and get hurt, you have to get hurt before you learn.

But please do try out the mind gym website and email me anytime for support, your get there kid, life is hard.

I would also advise having a little faith of somekind, this was the best thing that ever happened to me.:D

Thanks a lot. There is a lot of advice in there, I know I am going to have to go back and read it several times just to let it all sink in.
We had been dating a lot before.. we had gone off and on... for I don't know... well about over a year... then over the summer I was over in Hawaii... so I was really far away. We both knew that we liked each other, we just knew that never being able to see each other would be hard.
I just don't know how to judge the difference between getting blown off... and when she is busy. I wish there was a way to distinct these from each other...

Self confidence requires a positive self-image. Self-image is a kind of mental picture we all have about ourselves. One way to think about self-image is in terms of what is 'real' and what is 'ideal'. Many people have goals to move their 'real' self as close to their 'ideal' self as they can. For example, the 'real' you stumbles over your words when you meet the boss, whereas the 'ideal' you is cool, confident and articulate.

Problems can occur when people strive too hard to fit with their ideal view of self-image and this can mean they underplay their actual characteristics. The nice guy then finds it hard to reprimand people when they under-perform and the strict guy maybe fails to listen to others and reward opinions different to their own. It can also lead to stress as the person is consciously and with some effort playing out a role.

A person's self-image may be far from accurate. For example, your father may have set very high standards for you to become a professional sportsman. For whatever reason you didn't achieve the standard and this leads you to believe you are bad at sports, despite the fact you are actually pretty good. One poor experience can even spread to other areas of your life so you start to believe you are poor at most things.

Ways to Boost Self-Confidence


Self-image is the mental picture you have of yourself. It is not fixed, it is not objective, it can be changed and you can change it.
Positive thinking is important but the way you behave is important too. Your self-image will feed off the way you behave and will affect others too. Actors know that if they have to play a sad role they quickly start to feel sad themselves. Similarly, if you speak in a measured slow tone your authority increases to those around you and you actually start to feel it in yourself.

Changing behavior is often easier than changing thinking. The brain does not deal well in turning around negative thinking. For example, the moment you think, 'I must not be nervous' is the moment you will actually start feeling more nervous. Focusing on behavior when you are nervous, such as breathing deeply and slowly and relaxing neck and shoulder muscles, will do a great deal more than ruminating on your anxiety.

Breaking up big goals or tasks into smaller and more manageable chunks can help. If you have been set a task that seems impossible, take it apart and even drill it down to hourly steps. As you achieve each step your confidence will grow and you will also achieve a sense of mastery over the issue.

For some people lack of confidence arises through having too little to do. Boredom and lack of confidence are associated. In such cases it is important to boost energy levels by setting some goals for yourself but allowing them to be flexible enough to react to circumstances. If goals are too rigid the first set-back will knock you off track, so build this into your planning.

1. Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.

2. Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable.

3. Photoshop your self-image. Our self-image means so much to us, more than we often realize. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn’t fixed and immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and work on your self-image. If it’s not a very good one, change it. Figure out why you see yourself that way, and find a way to fix it.

4. Think positive. One of the things I learned when I started running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts (see next item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and by doing so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able to train for and run a marathon within a year. It sounds so trite, so Norman Vincent Peale, but my goodness this works. Seriously. Try it if you haven’t.

5. Kill negative thoughts. Goes hand-in-hand with the above item, but it’s so important that I made it a separate item. You have to learn to be aware of your self-talk, the thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing. When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say, “This is too hard. I want to stop and go watch TV.” Well, I soon learned to recognize this negative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that changed everything in my life: I would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and I would vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When I caught one, I would stomp on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it with a positive one. (”C’mon, I can do this! Only one mile left!”)


6. Get to know yourself. When going into battle, the wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to know yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analyzing why you have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.

7. Act positive. More than just thinking positive, you have to put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing self-confidence. It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start acting on it, you change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do, and so if you change what you do, you change what you are. Act in a positive way, take action instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people in a positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a difference.

8. Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.

9. Get prepared. It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.

10. Know your principles and live them. What are the principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have trouble, because your life will feel directionless. For myself, I try to live the Golden Rule (and fail often). This is my key principle, and I try to live my life in accordance with it. I have others, but they are mostly in some way related to this rule (the major exception being to “Live my Passion”). Think about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if you just believe in them but don’t act on them.

11. Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound rushed either.

12. Stand tall. I have horrible posture, so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.

13. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence.

14. Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those too.

15. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll feel like a million bucks.

16. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?

17. Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.

18. Volunteer. Related to the “be kind and generous” item above, but more specific. It’s the holiday season right now … can you find the time to volunteer for a good cause, to spread some holiday cheer, to make the lives of others better? It’ll be some of the best time you’ve ever spent, and an amazing side benefit is that you’ll feel better about yourself, instantly.

19. Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude, as anyone who’s been reading this blog for very long knows well. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Read more.

20. Exercise. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. But if I left it off this list I would be doing you a disservice. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself.
All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.

21. Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself, in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.

22. Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll feel great about yourself.

23. Get active. Doing something is almost always better than not doing anything. Of course, doing something could lead to mistakes … but mistakes are a part of life. It’s how we learn. Without mistakes, we’d never get better. So don’t worry about those. Just do something. Get off your butt and get active — physically, or active by taking steps to accomplish something.

24. Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.

25. Clear your desk. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the center of the storm around me. Here’s how.

I appreciate all your help guys. But is over... yesterday she was having a bad day. She just kept going off on me saying I was getting annoying, being to clingy. When all I wanted to know what was going on. She would treat me badly. I just called her trying to help her feel better when having a bad day. I would send her special texts to make her day brghter. I don't think I really did anything wrong. She just ignored me all day... so I think I had a reason on why to be so worried. I hope I wasn't to clingy.

:(sorry for you. Maybe this is a good thing as I said before. You need to get stronger and live and learn. Which you have, hopefully from this you have learnt not to be too clingy, as she said that you did become annoying. I can understand that you kept contacting her because you felf worried, but her having a bad day, which we all do from time to time probably gave you that excuse you needed to continue your clingyness. You sound like the type of guy who needs to find a lady who actually loves having somebody who cares very much and is LOCAL! You take from this knowing that you do have a big heart, try and learn to trust otherpeople knowing that they do have other interests and although my not be with you you are always though of foundly. :D try the mood gym I said about x

Yea. I understand. Well as it turned out she was lying to me about a lot of stuff... other guys... she wasn't telling me the truth about what I was doing. I even had to go to the hospital last night, she told me not to call her because she still didn't feel good... so I haven't heard anything from her... and kind of plan on it staying that way

Recently when I went back to my hometown, I had ran into my exgirlfriend. She and I had decided we wanted to try and make the long distance work, (bout 400 miles). We had tried for about less then a week, she stopped telling me stuff and started acting sketching saying she was sleeping all the time. Even at night when I would get off work, she would just ignore my phone calls all together. One night I even had to go to the hospital, and she told me not to call. She claimed that later that night she would call me. But I never heard anything. I had called her, she didn't answer. The next morning still... she never texted me or said anything to me. She had later told me that she did try text me but I never got it. (very unlikely).

I have been playing this game with this girl for about over a year now. Constantly feeling down about myself. Not ever being able to meet new girls, while she goes around sleeping with other guys then coming back to me saying she loves me and saying she has a plan for us to get back together when she graduates. I am 20 and she is 17. We started dating originally when I was in high school. We had a good happy first year together, part of it long distance, then after that, she can never commit to the distance again for some reason.

I'm not trying ot make her look like the bad guy in all of this. I am just ready to stop feeling this way. I recently had decided to go over a week without checking myspace or Facebook, because I realized I always look at her page.

I am ready to move on, but she has played such an important role in my life, that I am not sure how to do that. I don't want us to never talk anymore, but I really want to be over it all. I want to be able to find someone. In the back of my mind I feel that she is always the one moving on while I sit and wait. I go back to her because it is familiar, and I have no one else, so it's nice getting that special feeling again. I don't know what to do. Can I move on without having to completley shut her out of my life?

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Reread all your posts, and see you keep doing bad stuff to yourself. You already know what to do, but can't do it, so be miserable until you can make some changes in your life.

Sounds like my situation. Read my thread , I suggest asking her if there's anyone else is in the picture. IE: "another guy"

Of coarse there is probably another guy in her life, and in a lot of ways I am OK with it. It's not what I have wanted in the end. But I can't do much about it

You could get on with your own life, and leave hers alone.

I think she is being stupid and at this point of time I didn't think she will listen to you... if you say a right thing to her she will say its wrong... I think some third person can make her explain that what she is doing is not right and make her undrestand.. you should give her a feeling that you are concerned about her safety and security... I think be in touch with her so that she don't land up later regretting for her mistake... later on she might be broken...

Right now my girlfriend and I have been off and on for along time. For those of you that have read my threads before you know. Right now I live pretty far away from her, whenever I come home on the breaks we usually get back together, but once we have the distance to work with, things generally don't work out. We have gone several months with things working and not seeing much of each other, but it's hard for us to both coupe now days.

We both care about each other and seem to love each other a lot.
She claims she has learned that she really wants things to work, and she really wants to be with me. She told me she is going to be trying harder then ever and will want to be with me no matter where I am at.

I currently am supposed to be going for an Internship at Disney World, because I have been unhappy where I have been living.

I currently have the option to move closer to her where it will only be an hour away from each other and we can see each other whenever we really want.

For the last few days we have been pretty happy together, she has been showing she really wants things to work until she gets tired. Once she is tired she just wants to sleep that is all. Which I can understand to an extent. She has been known in the past to sleep a lot, but sometimes it makes no sense on how much she has been sleeping. Generally at least 10 hours, but she still wants to sleep more. I told her it kind of made me nervous because it made no sense to me, she told me I could even drive by her house to make sure her car is there (which I really don't want to do, and haven't yet) Are these feelings of nervousness telling me something?

Basically want I am trying to get at is the fact that I could go to school up closer to where she is, but if things don't work out between us, to me it will be a mistake. I need to decide soon, and I have asked her to talk to me about it, but right now she is to tired and just wants to be left alone to sleep. Also she isn't even sure if I will get to see her tonight, after I didn't even get to see her the night before. But the last 3 nights, she would stay out with me till about midnight and one of those nights was even a school night.

I have been known in the past of getting over cautious about things, and it drives the relationship nuts, how can I be more calm and understanding without thinking that she might be up to something? Any advice would be great!

You need to what is best for YOU. Stop trying to fix something that is and sounds like it has been broken for awhile. "On/Off again" relationships are exactly that, on and off AGAIN. This is a way to hold on to the past. Not letting go completely or long enough, only allows for a false sense of hope that everything is better. You need to take a step back and look at the whole picture. Do you really believe that your girl is tired all the time, if so maybe she needs to see a doctor. It sounds like she is just giving an excuse to why she is being mean to you or not in when you call or so on. Of course you can drive by and see her car in front of her house, but does that parked car me that she is asleep inside? I'm not trying to make you jump to conclusions, but don't be stupid about things either. Usually the first instict is the right answer. I am not saying that she is cheating, but I am saying that there is more to it than just being tired(all the time). Find what is best for you, stop thinking of your "girlfriend" because the only person she is looking out for is herself. At least that is what it sounds like.

You say... "my girlfriend and i have been off and on for a long time........"

This should give you a clue. Why not get a fresh start and have a happy relationship with someone else instead of a desperate one.